smoothchryminal

[smoothchryminal]

[smoothchryminal]

hey beautiful, just saw the news about trump and it got me thinking about us and i felt inspired to shoot my shot with you

[smoothchryminal]

"they just don't try assassinating presidential candidates like they used to huh"

some dude in Pennsylvania:

[smoothchryminal]

[smoothchryminal]

[smoothchryminal]

from a moral standpoint tentacles can pleasure men just as much, however male tentical erotica is not as common

I’m sorry a… moral standpoint?

[smoothchryminal]

(x)

[smoothchryminal]

accidental renaissance

[smoothchryminal]

Love me a good snerdle!

[smoothchryminal]

happy april 30th!

[smoothchryminal]

[smoothchryminal]

guys aren't comically getting their red heart covered boxers exposed after they get their pants pulled down anymore. Due to wokeness

[smoothchryminal]

Decided to make some art of this possum character I've had for a while!

He doesn't actually know magic, he just likes to whack things with a stick

[smoothchryminal]

For those that aren't in Australia right now, we have the funniest scandal going on.

Firstly let us introduce you to the eye of the storm: Sam Kerr. Sam is a women's soccer player who has in the last year become one of the most famous and beloved athletes in Australia. Captain of the women's national team, Sam became something of a cult figure after the last Women's Soccer World Cup became a complete unpredicted sensation in Australia, with the whole country getting behind the team.

Sam, up until now, has had probably one of the most squeaky clean images in sport. Generally in Australia it is not uncommon for our sports stars to be caught up in scandals involving drugs:

violence:

drinking their own urine:

or if you're cricket legend Shane Warne, probably all three at once.

Contrasting all this, Sam's image as the squeaky clean saviour for sport made it all the more shocking this last week, when it was announced that Kerr was to face trial after having been charged by the UK police of a "racially aggravated offence" involving a taxi driver.

This was shocking news. Nobody knew what to make of it. Sam was a model for young girls everywhere and a national treasure. "This is why we can't have nice things" screamed the nation. It seemed like all hope was lost.

That is, until, yesterday, when the UK police finally revealed the full details of the case, in which Sam Kerr, sporting legend, was arrested for vomiting in a cab, and then telling an intervening police officer that he was a “stupid white bastard”.

Now we probably don't need to point out that in Australia, vomiting in a taxi and then calling a cop a bastard is about as close to a national culture as we have.

You could not have come up with a better headline to make someone a national hero.

Needless to say, Sam in now being hailed down under as the greatest legend that ever lived, and a petition has already been started to have her picture added to the $5 note.

The tide has swung so far that not one, but TWO, state Premiers have spoken out in support of Kerr, and the Prime Minister has even gone on the record describing her as "a delight".

And so ends the racial abuse saga of our greatest sports hero of all time, and the very first reverse milkshake duck to ever exist.

[smoothchryminal]

[smoothchryminal]

"adults trying to stay "hip" and keep up with youth culture and being years late is so cringey"

adult secret: its all intentional. nothing will prepare you for how fun it is to watch a teenagers face as you dab at them. i will floss when they least expect it and I will love every second of their horror.