snarkycroissant

[snarkycroissant]

On the first day, God created the dog...

God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I’ll give you back the other 10?“

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a 20-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for 20 years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I’ll give back the other 40?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you 20 years.”

But the human said, “Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back? That makes 80, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

[snarkycroissant]

[snarkycroissant]

Thought I’d re-blog this art I did a few years back for pride month :) I don’t really draw anymore and I’ve only just gotten back on Tumblr, but I’m gay as sht and that’s good enough for me <3

Picked up the pencil once more!!

Excuse my numerous mistake but, over all I’m proud <3

(Anyone who just got my Pride joke is a legend)

[snarkycroissant]

Thanks I will <3

[snarkycroissant]

This energy is in me all day, every day

The neurodivergent urge to do this

[snarkycroissant]

[snarkycroissant]

When the teachers sleep schedule is as fuked as yours

It’s 11:32pm and I just checked my school inbox only to find an email from my Psych Teacher titled “Worst Psychology teacher ever”.... This poor woman just sent the whole class an email about how she’s “been working until 11pm every night (no joke) and just have not gotten around to marking the last few SACs”, which we completed almost a month ago now...... She’s buying the class hot chips to apologise 😭

I replied to it, like 45 minutes after she sent it, and said “Not the worst psych teach aha we all appreciate the effort :)”, y’know, casual, respectful.... 

MISS GIRL RESPONDS FOUR MINUTES LATER

“Aww [my name] you're a lovely soul! I'm feeling really bad about it- thanks for your reply [+2 lil smile blushing emojis]”

HONEY I AM SOBBING PLEASE GO TO BED I PROMISE WE DON’T MIND!!!! <3 I SWEAR SHE NEEDS TO BE IN A BLANKET BURRITO WITH SOME NETFLIX AND A DAMN TUB OF ICEYCREAM. Ma’am deserves a break oml.

[snarkycroissant]

Even straight men wanna fuk with Ryan Reynolds

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My life is like a crappy 2000′s rom-com

It’s like 12:59am so I wont put the whole thing here unless people ask for it, but legit there’s this guy that I’ve been into for years, and when I was telling my cousin about it she told me I should write a film script lol.

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reading fics got me like

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Every solution to every problem is simple. It’s the distance between the two where the mystery lies.

Skulduggery Pleasant, Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy

I like how this format makes it seem like some piece of great wisdom when in fact it’s actually the most infuriatingly unhelpful thing Skulduggery has ever said

(via icingsugarcloud)

[snarkycroissant]

[snarkycroissant]

ATTENTION - Parents/Guardians

Here’s a message for yal’.

No one wants to ‘grow into’ skinny jeans.

Stop it.

[snarkycroissant]

Picked up the pencil once more!!

Excuse my numerous mistake but, over all I’m proud <3

(Anyone who just got my Pride joke is a legend)