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snoozejoon · 6 years ago

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Fools | Park Jimin

pairing: park jimin x black female oc (featuring jung hoseok)

genre: angst, cheating!jimin au

word count: 2.9k

ongoing series!

06 - ACCOUNTABILITY

Mother dearest, let me inherit the Earth.

Teach me how to make him beg. Let me make up for the years he made you wait. Did he bend your reflection? Did he make you forget your own name? Did he convince you he was a God? Did you get on your knees daily? Do his eyes close like doors? Are you a slave to the back of his hand?

Am I talking about your husband or your father?

JIMIN BARELY uttered a word as he drove Rosalie hack home. Not that she was complaining, it was just odd regarding his lack of effort compared to how the ride to the gathering went. She just sighs and looks out her window, trying not to think about the urgent way Jimin suggested they leave, and his obvious discomfort now. His hands were holding the steering wheel so tightly, Rosalie genuinely thought he might break it.

When they finally arrived home, Jimin looked towards Rosalie, knowing he should say something to her to convince her of some normalcy, but the only thing he could think of was what Hoseok said when he cornered him in the bathroom. Did you ever consider how much you've played her for the fool that she isn't? And the thing was, Jimin honestly didn't consider that, it was never a thought that flew across his mind. And he absolutely hates himself for it.

It just wasn't fair to her.

Rosalie opens her door, and cool wind passes through and smears against Jimin's cheek, subtly revealing some type of reality. "Goodnight, Jimin."

She didn't even look at him. Neither did she hold his head endearingly and kiss him goodnight, because he tore up whatever they had by deliberately going to another to do that in place of her. Her eyes, now drowsy from the quiet ride, meet the night, instead of his face. She exits the car, and begins to walk inside.

"Goodnight, Rosie," he says to no one, hearing the door slam closed and driving off into the night, his quarreling thoughts refraining him from checking if she even made it in safely.

He drives, not knowing where he's going until he'll arrive somewhere— anywhere, really, but here. He couldn't go where he really desired, and he really didn't want to go to that hotel, so he's decided to drive until he tires of it. Anything to keep his mind off the conversation he had earlier, anything to hinder his acknowledgement of the way Hoseok vehemently spit out every word. Were they really just 'friends'?

God, I'm horrible. He thought it before he could stop himself, but he had no right to, and he knows it. What she did—unless it involved Haeran—didn't necessarily concern him in the slightest anymore. It was one of the hardest to swallow pills he's ever taken. He had to nip the thought of Rosalie involving herself with Hoseok in the bud anyway, because considering the way she was so heartbroken at his own infidelity, there was no way she would do such a thing herself. Rosalie was a lot of things, but never a hypocrite.

Fluorescent lights illuminate the highways Jimin enters on, fueling his odyssey with the destination unknown. His suit pulls at his chest and he can feel his heart beat and his chest rise and fall with heightened senses. He is thinking everything and nothing simultaneously; his eyes dart and his pupils dilate with every beam of light he passes and his car soars through the night. His arms steer his vehicle as if he's driving off of one too many bottles of beer, but sober nevertheless.

Thinking some fresh air would aid him in relieving some of his mind's ambivalent state, he lowers his windows and hears the cars zoom by. This goes on for some time; with him sitting and driving to who knows where, with his mind raging with an abundance of guilt and pure longing.

Eventually, his journey ends. His car slows, pulling into a parking space near an array of apartment homes, sitting at its lonesome under orange lights in the vacant space. He leans back, groaning, and loosening his tie that was just too tight—all these years and I could still barely tie a tie without her help. His hands find his hair, disheveling it just so it can fall back in place: an esteemed yet unnoticed rebellion against himself. Should I scream? He wonders. Because this would definitely be the place to do it.

He considers doing that, just yelling until his throat was sore, but all he could do was sit in silence, pondering over Hoseok's words despite his past efforts of stopping. If he dared to open his mouth it wouldn't open with yells of anguish, but with weeps of despair — and that he knew. But his thoughts would have no mercy on him either.

I'd say, your first mistake was the cheat of course,

His hand was to his mouth, and his eyes were sewn shut. A tear threatens to break through its captive barrier. He holds it in, but not for reasons he knows why.

Hoseok's voice floats and echoes slightly in his head.

All you're doing now, is suffering the consequences. Reaping what you've sowed...

"Oh God," the tiniest whimper escapes him then, he can feel his insides sort of shatter and fall to the floor with a ferocity too great to be described. S tear finally slips through, falling from his cheek to silently dripping onto the center console.

Hoseok smiled at him then. he fucking smiled—

You live, and you learn, right?

A sound suddenly startles him, interrupting his self inflicted anguish, and he looks up to see the face of the very person who contributed in tearing his family apart.

Her smile is overbearingly saccharine, her face was bare and beautiful and her hand was already poised for his own to succumb to it, be it willingly or not.

Choi Ahn stood confident outside in the very parking lot to her apartment, peering into the window of the one she just refuses to let go.

Her voice is sweet. Too damn sweet. He watches her breath fog against the glass.

"Hello, Jimin."

The fervor in which the vehicle zoomed away gave a silent breeze to graze Rosalie's cheeks as she watched Jimin's car until it disappeared into glaring streetlights and black cement. She wondered why he was so quick to leave, but didn't allow her thoughts to plague her as she began walking back inside and unlocked her door.

Her house was soothingly quiet as she entered, the constant bustling of the gala seemed to overwhelm her as though she was there for an eternity and not just a mere hour. She sighed as she removed her shoes and entered her living room to see Haeran sprawled atop her father's chest as the two of them slept, a rerun of an old American television show playing on her tv.

Ah, she thought, grinning. That's why it was so quiet.

She tiptoes up to her couch, leaning down to whisper into her father's ear.

"Daddy?"

Ever the light sleeper, her father jerks up almost immediately, blinking drowsily, "Huh? Oh. Rosalie. Hey, baby."

"Hey," she says. "I don't mean to wake you-"

"You're fine baby, I was just dozing off."

"Oh. Okay," Rosalie says to his instant rebuttal. "Did you guys eat? I told you about the leftover lasagna in the fridge, but it's a little early for dinner- it's not even eight yet." If they ate already that'd be great, that meant that Rosalie could just take Haeran up to her bed and let that be that. Fhe was too drained from the night's previous activities to do much else.

Her dad nods. "Yeah, we ate. Haeran got a little sleepy," he chuckles lowly, looking down.

"Oh, good, I'll take her upstairs to bed then." Her father remains still as Rosalie reaches down to pick her daughter up; it took a lot for Haeran to fall asleep so deeply, but Rosalie is grateful for this little miracle.

She began to slightly stir as Rosalie began to move her, but as soon as Haeran is fully enveloped in her mother's arms she relaxes, and Rosalie finds comfort in her soft breaths on her neck. Haeran's arms were instinctively around Rosalie's Neck as Rosalie held her body securely against her chest and takes easy footsteps ascending her stairs.

It was the miniscule moments like these that reminded Rosalie of why she wanted a child so badly. She has always yearned the curious and bright eyes of a baby, there was simply nothing better than to see a baby inhale deeply when they're so happy to see you, or to listen to the steady hum of their heartbeat as they slept. Holding her daughter close to her body was so valued because there was always that proof of life right under her nose. She was right there, holding her and loving her and being everything she's ever wanted. God, if Jimin would give her anything it was a baby. Her baby.

As Rosalie nears the glow of the nightlight that shined bright because of Haeran's open room door, she comes to the conclusion that Haeran's room was an experience all in itself. Her favorite color is blue, so her room was decked out in blue walls, her bedsheets drenched in an overwhelming splash of turquoise and stripes. Her stuffed animals were all named after shades of blue and something Haeran loved at the time, like the indigo hulk - a spotted puppy that she won after watching her first avenger's film- or the navy piggie, the stuffed frog atop her nightstand. Haeran is undoubtedly spoiled by her parents, but that's okay.

As Rosalie entered Haeran's room, she successfully dodges any toys on her floor that she'll scold her daughter for not picking up later, and rests Haeran's sleeping form under her blankets and right next to indigo hulk, right where she belonged. Then she began to skillfully change her daughter into her proper sleepwear without waking her; she wishes she could thank the person who invented buttons.

With a sleeping and properly changed haeran lying in bed, Rosalie takes this time - as she always does - to just admire her child. Her hand soothingly caresses Haeran's forehead as she feels the warmth emit from her daughter's body. She fixes the bonnet atop her head so that it's worn securely because it always seemed to fall off of her head before morning.

She wonders if haeran knew how much she loved her. How much she needed her with her. Sometimes she isn't sure, but when she sees her staring at her with adoration gleaming in her eyes and feels the joy surge through her body, she thinks that Haeran might just have an idea.

Rosalie was still in her dress as she sat on Haeran's bed, so she quietly stands to go change into more comfortable clothes and retreat back downstairs.

Before she leaves, she kisses her daughter's forehead and straightens herself with a sigh.

She looked so much like him.

After settling into more breathable clothing, Rosalie went back downstairs to make her something to eat and eventually get herself into bed. Her father was still where he left him, watching whatever was playing on the tv. He looks up, hearing her footsteps announce her arrival downstairs.

"I'm gonna heat me up some lasagna dad," Rosalie yawns, scratching her arms. "Then I think i'll head back upstairs after a minute."

Her dad nods, leaning back further into the couch. He'd retreat to the guest room shortly after, he didn't feel like driving home and Rosalie assured him that he was always welcomed.

Rosalie places herself on the couch beside her father after nuking her lasagna in the microwave, beginning to eat as a question appeared in her mind.

"How was the gala?" Her father asks.

"Fine," she quips.

"You didn't stay very long."

"It got crowded. You know how anxious I get," She awkwardly laughed.

Her father set his lips in a straight line and nodded.

"Jimin isn't here."

"We aren't on speaking terms." She didn't want to explain any further, and her dad got the hint. She would tell him when she was ready.

And he would wait.

After prolonged moments in silence and the air between them grew less tense, Rosalie finished her dinner and returned to sit beside her father as he waited for her to gather her thoughts. They always understood each other, and this was one of the many moments where Rosalie is insurmountably grateful of that.

"Daddy," she started slowly, "when mom was alive did either of you..do wrong by each other?" She shakes her head at her attempt to sugar coat her words so she quickly rephrases herself.

"Did either of you cheat?"

At this her father just sighed. Even as he did this and as Rosalie braced herself for the worst, she knew her father would never lie to her. He never has, and he never will.

But he can't meet her eyes.

"...You were about two. I got laid off from work, and stupidly decided to go and drink away my feelings, and made a mistake I'll never forgive myself for."

Rosalie couldn't hide her surprise if she tried. Her chest suddenly hurt, and her eyes watered involuntarily, not even at the fact that her father had betrayed her mother, but at the fact that she wouldn't have even thought to ask if it hadn't been for what she was going through herself. There was never even a drop of resentment that lingered in her house growing up. Not even a little bit.

Did this mean her parents were putting on a show just to make it work for her, like she's been doing for Haeran?

Her voice shook as she spoke. "What-what did mom do?"

"She gave me absolute hell," he says, shaking his head. "And I deserved it all."

Rosalie doesn't say anything, so her father just continues.

"She'd always tell me how disappointed she was in me for succumbing so easily although I was under the influence. Because our love should've been stronger. Because I should've fought harder. And she was right! It was me being weak and entitled that brought me to hurt your mother in the way that I did. And although she forgave me for it, I cannot do the same."

He was telling the truth, Rosalie could tell. He wasn't trying to evoke sympathy from her or bait her emotions. He was simply expressing his sin and the consequences he spent for it.

"She forgave you? After how long? And how?"

"It took a while," her father says thoughtfully. "I even asked her how she felt myself. She just told me: 'James, you know why I forgive you? Because my love for you is stronger than my hatred for your mistakes. And you're not about to leave me alone with this baby.'"

"So she eventually just decided to forgive and forget," Rosalie deadpans.

"Oh no," her father corrects. "Not forget. Never forget."

What Rosalie was essentially getting from this was that her mother thought that if her father's love for her was weak enough for him to cheat, she'd tear it down and build it up from a stronger foundation. She wished she was here to ask her.

Her father's infidelity actually gave reasoning to his behavior after her mother's death. Her mom died when Rosalie was thirteen, and her dad almost completely shut down with grief. Almost everything he had planned for the years onward was put on hold, and no one really gave it a second thought when her father wouldn't fulfill certain tasks her promised he would for years. They just assumed that he would've completed them with his wife and couldn't anymore. But it was her father's guilt that would always halt him before he got a chance to start.

Because he never forgave himself.

As Rosalie said her goodnights to her father after their long conversation she lied awake in her bed and peered at the empty space beside her in deep thought.

Is that how Jimin will be, should anything happen to her?

Should she just forgive and remember, forever living with the thought of how he willingly gave himself to someone else, instead of her?

Could she forgive herself for forgiving him?