snowfeministbunny

[snowfeministbunny]

FUTURE MEMORY

And so I tried to remember you now, for the future.

Your breathing, your heartbeat. Tried to capture you in your most natural state and knew that one day I'd miss you

[snowfeministbunny]

And slowly my being turned into what you wanted. I lost myself on my deepest insecurities because you subtly reminded me of a past I wanted to forget but you also promised a dream I had longed for since I was a little girl.

It never quite occurred how your little remarks would drown any sense of self I had within myself.

Now I'm here. Slowly trying to find her because you did not care if she existed or died on your watch.

[snowfeministbunny]

The Sacrificial Lamb

Growing up I thought I could protect my mother from my narcissitic father. Always thought she would finally realize her worth, our worth.  Everytime I came to her defence, she would sacrifice us. It took me time to realize that some people can get lost in trying to please their abuser, that through this act, of consistently defending the abuser, I was the sacrificial lamb. 

[snowfeministbunny]

This part of my life is called lost and I'm scared of never being found

[snowfeministbunny]

And so at the end of it all, my tears carried me through the ocean of sorrow, floating, surviving, a survivor

[snowfeministbunny]

TheNarcissitic Father

My father and I never had a solid relationship. I have seen him beat my mother, treat other people like they were nothing and treated his kids like his extensions (but not in a good way). I have always wondered if the existence of men was to inflict pain because he made it look so normal, however, as I grew older the more demonic he got and the more my mother became an angel. The more pain he inflcted the more I could trace my bloodline. Trauma.  I have always wondered if his existence has been merely a lesson or if this is my curse for this current life and it has occured to me that it does not matter.  I am growing and learning. Breaking and building.  Yet I will always wonder how a narcissitic father was able to summon angels from heaven and how could God let that happene.

[snowfeministbunny]

The Unsilent Soul

And when my heart had done crying, my soul bled and weeped for peace, for salvation but all the ghosts of the past lingered until all of the present me was nothing but the past and silence

-Snowfeministbunny

[snowfeministbunny]

And this time Cupid was kind, instead of shooting he embraced me. This time he was kind, softer and most of all very safe.

-snowfeministbunny-

[snowfeministbunny]

You make me listen to love songs. You're slowly becoming a safe space.. this space feels unique but it also feels terrifying.

[snowfeministbunny]

I like how you make me feel but there are still things inside of me that are scared of the monster called love.

-snowfeministbunny-

[snowfeministbunny]

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me.

[snowfeministbunny]

To belong to you... magical

[snowfeministbunny]

You'd say you had no peace in what was once ours, but how could you expect peace when you took what was mine and gave it to another?

[snowfeministbunny]

Feels like I'll forever hold you dear in the safest parts of my mind and heart.

[snowfeministbunny]

Had I stayed, I would have lost my spark.

-snowfeministbunny-

[snowfeministbunny]

I'm full of metaphors and sugar.

-snowfeministbunny-

[snowfeministbunny]

What is it about you that I cannot forget. You always linger in the dark corners of my mind. I miss you.

-snowfeministbunny-