snyoonsu

[snyoonsu]

〚CONFIDENTIAL〛TRANSCRIPT OF CONSULTATION    subject: nam, yoonsu (elias)    d.o.b: 1995-jul-23

▷ hey doc! nice to meet you.

► it’s a pleasure to meet you too, mr. nam. thank you for coming in.

▷ ah, my apologies. i should have called you ‘doctor lim’ instead, huh? i fear using honorifics still trips me up from time to time

► whatever is most comfortable for you, mr. nam. 

▷ got it. well thanks... doc. you can call me whatever makes you comfortable too.

► thank you... shall we get started?

▷ sure. hit me.

EXCERPT A: INTRODUCTION

► great, let us begin. do you know why you’re here today?

▷ hmm, i couldn’t say for sure. but i’m open to therapy, i’ve always wanted to try. i mean i’m sure you know this already, but it’s all the trend nowadays. all my friends back in the states are doing it.

► well, this isn’t exactly a therapy session. therapists and psychiatrists aren’t quite one and the same. anyways, we’re really just hoping to get to know you a little better.

▷ aww cute. i’d love to get to know you better too. wait-- am i being recorded? audio or video? 

► oh, i’m sorry. yes, we are recording to ensure quality control. i believe it was in the disclaimer form you signed on your way in. is there an issue with that? i can assure you we take patient privacy very seriously here.

▷ *laughs* relax, doc. i’m kidding. believe me, i’ve got nothing to hide. and i trust you. you seem like a good enough guy. just saying if i knew there were going to be cameras, i could’ve dressed up a bit nicer for you.

EXCERPT B: CHILDHOOD AND UPBRINGING

► umm... alright mr. nam. how about you start by telling us a bit about yourself. where are you from? you mentioned you have ‘friends in the states’ just now.

▷ sure thing. i’m elias, eli, yoonsu — whichever you prefer. born and raised in new york city, but i was quite the jetsetter since an early age. i have family spread all over the world, from tokyo to paris to brazil, you name it. maybe you’ve heard, but us nams know how to get around... i’m kidding. 

► interesting. well how was growing up in new york city?

▷ new york is great. lots to do and lots to see. it’s arguably the center of the world, which is precisely the type of place i want to be in. and growing up was fine. let’s be real, my life wasn’t all that hard. i was naturally good at school, and puberty treated me well. money clearly was never an issue, and my parents thankfully were not around all that much. 

things just worked out for me pretty smoothly, and when i did get in trouble, i got out of it just as smoothly. i had a healthy corner of people who admired me, another that envied me, but all in all, my childhood was pretty vanilla. i suppose that’s a blessing, though kind of boring.

► ‘normality’ is not necessarily a bad thing. our society often has a tendency to seek out over-stimulation and take everyday things for granted. that being said, what might have you found most fulfilling then?

▷ hmm... maybe people? i realize this is douchey for me to say of myself... but people come very easily to me. i’ve never had issues making friends. hold on, someone just taught me this bit of korean slang the other day... ‘insider’? yeah, i think that’s it. i’m definitely one of those.

► ah, so friendship is something you highly value.

▷ sure, i suppose you could say that. key to a fulfilling life, right?

► do you have a best friend? what’s that person like?

▷ umm... yeah. well-- no. i mean, not no, but that’s like asking someone to... pick a favorite food or something. you can’t just pick.

EXCERPT C: RECENT WHEREABOUTS

► sure... that’s fair then. now what brings you to korea?

▷ *chuckles* well this ‘event,’ obviously. your friend, choi yong? or is he not your friend?

► yes, the chairman is a long-trusted partner of mine. sorry if i was unclear. i meant to ask about before the invitations were sent out. i believe you were in the country before then?

▷ not going to ask how you knew that... but yes, i’ve been here for the last year or so now. just by... circumstance. well not here here in seoul. down south where it’s far less exciting, in outskirts of daegu somewhere. interestingly enough, korea might be the one place i surprisingly haven’t spent all that much time in while growing up. only short-term visits here and there. but i enjoy seoul-- and am enjoying it now.

► well i’m glad to hear you’ve been enjoying your time in seoul so far. why daegu though? is there family there too?

▷ ehh, sort of. distant relatives or something, but they could’ve been paid actors for all i know. though if the goal was to make me as miserable as possible, my parents really found the perfect place and perfect folks to be suffocatingly plain and nosy. i’m sorry, that was sort of mean, wasn’t it? i mean, i’m sure they’re nice people. probably just another ‘cultural difference’ or something.

EXCERPT D: FAMILY RELATIONS

► no need to apologize to me. but let’s circle back on that bit you just mentioned. why would your parents would want you to be miserable?

▷ great question, doc. i ask myself that all the time. i’ll ring them up and you can ask them for me. maybe they’ll actually listen to you, since you’re a doctor.

► so you are still in contact with them? how is your relationship with your parents?

▷ *sigh* no, not really. 

► ...

▷ ... you good, doc?

► oh sorry. i was expecting that you would say more given that you’ve been... pretty chatty so far.

▷ i’ll take that as you complimenting my korean. much appreciated! but in all seriousness, i don’t have all that much to say about the parents. and if you’re curious whether i have daddy issues or anything, you can just go ahead and ask. i’m hard to offend. the answer is no, by the way.

► 'daddy issues’ is not a recognized psychological condition, mr. nam. grossly misrepresented in popular culture and neither what i’m asking nor implying of you. would there be any other ‘father problems’ you’ve been having though?

▷ oh, so you got jokes, doc. i like it. valiant effort, so you know what? i’ll tell you. the main issue is that i almost became a daddy. 

► i was actually asking about your relationship with your father... but that’s also interesting to know. is the episode you’re referring to a source of conflict between you and your parents?

▷ ah, i see. well it’s fine if you know. i don’t see anything wrong about a potential pregnancy with my girlfriend of all people. it’s a whole lot better than the other bullshit theories in the tabloids about what the hell is going on with me. 

let’s just say i think my parents’ decision to banish me to rural nothingness was very much uncalled for. forget the ‘responsibilities of parenthood.’ i bet they were just afraid i’d go get married to a ‘pleb’ or something. their words, not mine. evidently we have very different values, and that’s fine. but their retaliation towards me, my inheritance, my lifestyle, the whole shitshow around the abortion? absolutely ridiculous.

► understood. well are you interested in marriage or children? are these topics you’ve discussed with your girlfriend? 

▷ come on, now. you’re making me feel like i’m on a first date or something, asking me gushy questions like that... *clears throat* and she’s not my girlfriend anymore... so not relevant. how about you, doc? are you married or have children? if so, i hope you actually love them. and that they’re yours. *winks*

► ... yes, i am married. and i have two daughters who are both lovely... and mine? thank you for asking, yoonsu. perhaps we keep it to me asking the questions though. 

▷ sure, sure. again, i’m kidding. you don’t have to be so shy about warming up to me, doc. i’ll let you keep calling me yoonsu though, and you’re welcome to keep at it with your questions.

EXCERPT E: THE REVEAL

〚NOTE: TO FLAG FOR CHOI YONG FOR FUTHER INVESTIGATION〛

► now then... have you been taking any steps towards mending your relationship with your parents? 

▷ really, doc? we’re still talking about my parents? i’m starting to think they paid you off too. 

► of course not. i have no relation to your parents.

▷ great. so how about you ask me about me then. i promise i’m much more interesting. for example, you could try digging up some deep trauma or diagnose me with some rare condition. or try that face reading magic they do in korea instead. ‘gwansang,’ was it? tell me what my jawline says about my emotional stability.

► i’m sorry if i’ve angered you, mr. nam. first of all, i re-iterate that i’m a psychiatrist, and not a therapist, magician, or any of the above. more importantly, i’m not here to ‘diagnose’ you with anything. just trying to get to understand you more as a person. and for many people, it just so happens that the influence of their parents is a meaningful factor. there is no other hidden agenda here.

▷ oh we all have our hidden agendas, doc — i’m not that naive, though would love to be. and i’m not angry, doctor. *flashes grin* just a bit baffled you’re projecting this ‘freudian psychology’ pseudoscience bullshit on me. parents this, parents that. 

► ah, you are familiar with freud? i, along with many others in modern psychiatry are not the greatest fans, but there is often lost nuance in what people conceive to be freudian thought versus what is oversimplified. for example, even the oedipus complex--

▷ i’m really sorry to cut you off, doctor lim. but i don’t want to fuck my dad. i don’t need you to tell me otherwise.

► the oedipus complex actually refers to a desire that would be directed toward your mother. but to my earlier point--

▷ *sigh* does it really make a difference? can’t want to fuck my mom if i don’t know her.

► pardon? you don’t know your mother? was your mother not present much while you were growing up?

▷ ......

► mr. nam?

▷ *groans* of course i know who my mother is... who doesn’t? i think half of korea does too, no? yeah, she wasn’t around much is what i meant, okay? neither my dad nor my mom were around too much when i was young because they were too busy doing other more important things, like making money. more importantly now, how are we still talking about my parents?

► alright, mr. nam. we can move on soon.

▷ look. before we move on... for the record, doctor -- for whatever you’re recording of this. i... i believe i just misspoke. or didn’t understand your question properly. my korean can be pretty weak at times. and so i apologize for he confusion.

► *says to self* you used the phrase “freudian psychology pseudoscience” in a sentence two minutes ago...

▷ and? freud’s name in korean isn’t ‘freud’? are you trying to get petty with me, doctor lim? can we not? *boyish grin*

► sorry, mr. lim. i ought to be more professional. would it be helpful if we called in a translator? i can have one join us shortly.

▷ no. geez. *mutters string of expletives in english* let’s just... move on. please.

[snyoonsu]

HOMEMADE DYNAMITE { ft. @sneunsol }

isolation in today’s world is a funny thing. with how invasive social media is and how much of a social butterfly (an addict, really) he’s always been, nam yoonsu never thought it’d be possible to feel so isolated. but turns out people stop calling and texting when there’s nothing they can take from you, and you have little that you want to share. when ‘catching up’ requires real commitment; not just some coincidental overlap in one’s day. and when 'staying in touch’ means sacrificing sleep to accommodate time zones and slugging through with text conversations riddled with days-long pauses. turns out conversations die and relationships fizzle, and eventually nobody cares enough to pick up the pieces.

yoonsu knows all this all too well because it’s what happens to him in the mere span of a year (he could’ve sworn it felt ten times longer). but he can’t be bitter about it. his ‘friends’ stop calling and so does he. it’s tiring and fruitless. he doesn’t want to field the difficult questions (e.g. ’what happened to you?’) and never has an interesting answer to the simple questions anymore. 

‘how was your day?’ fed the dog, grabbed canned coffee from the convenience store around the corner, fetched some green onions from the farmers market for his aunt, and tried dearly not to run into or talk to anyone along the way. come back ‘home’ and be roped up to help with menial tasks and household chores, fuck up, then get an earful about how ‘incapable kids are these days’ and ‘the issue when kids grow up without their parents around much.’ stay up at night staring at the ceiling, wondering where it all started to go wrong. the sun rises, the sun sets; and his reply to the question is hit copy and paste. nobody needs to hear that, he thinks. and so he spares his friends and the world of his presence.

but just as quickly as life’s unexpected circumstances land him into social isolation, it also lands him back into the frenzy. it’s exhausting trying to play catch-up after having his life clock set back a year. but being in seoul is better than being stuck in the rural isolation. being somebody, no matter how stretched-thin, feels better than being nobody. and seeing a friend from back home again – no, seeing olivia again — is better than not.

he arrives at the bar, and it doesn’t take him very long to find her. spotting olivia jang in a room of people isn’t about searching, as much as it’s an exercise of merely having eyes or ears. simply put, it’s infinitely harder to fail than to succeed. “hey.” he sneaks up on her from behind, making his presence known with a light squeeze of her shoulders. “sorry i’m a bit late,” he says, though the nonchalance in his voice might suggest otherwise. really, he’s just hoping to brush over the fact that he’d gone radio silent on even her too. he takes a seat besides her, now finally offering an apologetic grin. “it’s been too long, i know. just don’t ask me how i've been.”

[snyoonsu]

✟ NO CHURCH IN THE WILD ✟   { ft. @snjaein​ } 

it’s unlike him to be like this, but perhaps that’s just the trend as of late — nam yoonsu feeling much unlike himself (at what point does a trend become the norm?). one year ago at this hour, he’d be contently buried in bed, sheets hinted with expensive perfume (either his or that of whoever lies besides him) and the only worry being how he’d nurse back a nasty hangover when he rises some hours later. now he jolts awake at crack of dawn, heart pounding and brain whirring with untamable, unwelcome thoughts. bits and pieces of everything, grabbing, clawing, screaming for his attention all at once. it makes him wonder what the hell he’s been dreaming of lately, of what’s been chasing him over the cliff’s edge in the realms of his unconscious. if he were being completely honest with himself, he should already know — but he’s not.

instead, he blames the months he spends wasting away on his uncle’s countryside ranch, being an utter nobody. it’s killed his vibe, muddied his shine, something like that. apparently it’s fucked with his circadian rhythm too, cursed him with this sporadic strain of insomnia. at least he’s back in seoul, an actual civilization where there are actual somebodies to meet, things to do, money to spend — it makes him feel more like himself again, more like ‘elias.’ but how is it that he feels more on edge than ever? 

it’s another one of those restless nights that bleeds into early morning. again, at least he’s back in seoul, where there are places to walk around, scenery that’s not just another mundane field of whatever grain they’re growing nowadays. maybe it’s not a grain. he wouldn’t know. anyways, today he strays away from his usual walking loop, wanders into a neighborhood completely foreign to him — though perhaps that could be said for the rest of this city and country. 

he comes by a church now, an unassuming establishment he would’ve paid no heed to on any other day. after all, church is no place for a man like him. he’d been a few times when younger, back when his parents thought it’d help their image to be devout to something other than their business. then they concluded religion was nothing but a sham, a last resort of faux hope for the weak, poor, and desperate — of which they were none, clearly. 

yet somehow he decides to pause in front of it. clearly, he has not been himself lately. clearly, he still is not weak, poor, and desperate. maybe just the latter. and to his defense, this doesn’t seem like just any plain, old church. plain, old churches don’t advertise the second coming of god on its doors. on second thought, maybe some would; but surely they wouldn’t claim that the second coming of god lives here, in some unremarkable alley of seoul, in the year of the lord 2022. even his blasphemous ass knows that. at least they know how to draw attention, he’ll give them that. hey, maybe they did tarot card readings too. so that yet another person could remind him how he’s royally fucked himself.

whatever the excuse is, he can’t simply walk away. he shuffles his feet in place, looks around surreptitiously left and right, then once more; as if there was anyone out here to see him entering. evidently there is not. he figures if this was some divine doing, that he come across this place, he’d let it happen — he’s a believer in fate in this way. with some newfound confidence, he shoves through the front doors ( one should always make a grand entrance, he thinks), half-expecting to interrupt some holy ceremony or gregorian chant. but contrary to his imagination, the halls are empty. well, almost empty.

[snyoonsu]

happy opening day! i’m jin (s/h, 21+), the writer behind nam ‘elias’ yoonsu (aka ‘the comeback kid’). modern day prince charming living life on cruise mode, decked out with cheat codes, but currently going into overdrive, rogue mode. and i’m super excited to meet all of you and your muses!

you can find more about yoonsu in these links (bio, profile) and below the cut as well. last but not least, hit this with a ♡ if you’d be interested in plotting! sadly i did not have my shit together enough to list out premade plot ideas, but swear i am much better at brainstorming one-on-one! i’m around on here and discord (if the tumblr im sounds also terrify you) and always down to chat. now without further ado...

background

heir to the nam family’s immense generational wealth and raised in nyc like a classic upper east side trust-fund kid (à la ‘succession’ & ‘gossip girl’). but ~global~. the nam family has roots and connections all over the globe, so he grows up traveling all over to become more ‘worldly’ and ‘cultured.’ plot twist, five-star hotels are nice in every country.

very much a leo (if ur into astrology!). really big personality, thrives under the spotlight, natural showman, and good looking to boot. that kid in school who somehow had an in with every social group, from the snobby elites to the scene kids to the nerds. just very, very good with people. could probably smooth talk a wall for hours if need be.

currently a part-time venture capitalist (b/c sprinkling money at people’s dreams and life endeavors = fun. only being partially sarcastic here) and part-time socialite (b/c flying around looking pretty and partying also = fun). tbh he’s very good at both things. 

so yeah, life is honestly pretty easy for eli. too bad he gets shipped off to the fucking middle of nowhere (ahem, daegu... which in his worldview might as well be nebraska) and is basically on probation / on the verge of being demoted as heir. and he is surrounded by his distant relatives (whom he finds insufferable) and is just drowning in cultural vertigo and having an existential crisis :)

woah woah woah, okay taking a step back on how he ends up there. tldr; he gets his gf pregnant, his parents freak the fuck out (which is an understatement... plus who are they to talk? having gotten married for purely power purposes), and there’s a very messy abortion + break-up with his gf and then his parents. psst, don’t ask if he truly loved her or wanted the baby. at this point it’s a convoluted mess b/t him actually being quite the lover-boy, being afraid of commitment, and also just hating being told what to do by anyone. like wtf???

anyways, he’s rotting away on the countryside when this pretty little invitation from choi yong comes bouncing along. he views it as a soft reset, the start of his redemption arc, a chance to prove his actual worth and capabilities (b/c everything in life is just handed to him on a golden platter, no?). oh, and a big ‘fuck you’ to his parents. so yeah, despite the charming smile and smooth manners, he’s not fucking around for once.

personality / traits

at the end of the day, he has a big heart. his warmth and sincerity attracts a lot of people and can draw all sorts of people out of their shells. he actually can feel drawn to those who are relatively more shy, reserved, or guarded than him too (possible plot dynamic?). he’s also very much ruled by his heart, ambitions, instincts, and what is ‘right’ (by his own standards... which are mostly good?).

as you might expect, he has a lot of friends. well ‘friends’ with asterisks attached. turns out once you get to a certain level of wealth, it’s hard to find actual friends who aren’t just hanging around b/c they want something from you. again, he’s very good with people and can pick up on even the subtlest shifts in another person’s mood or expression. all this makes him often overanalyze his relationships and actually quite lonely inside.

loves to be the center of attention, but is also secretly self-loathing. he wants to feel deserving and entitled to whatever praise and attention he gets; and like all people, he does have his own demons (which the world just trivializes). because to his critics’ point... umm he really did just waltz right into much of it. like talk about living life on easy mode... so a lot of his debonair charm serves dual purposes as a defense mechanism, carefully constructed to compensate for his innate insecurities. 

while he is very much a ‘good guy’ nine times out of ten, push him to the edge and he’ll default to anger and cutthroat tactics as a protective wall to hide his vulnerabilities. again, overall nice and outgoing but has scary flashes of being more cold-hearted and calculating, especially when provoked — the type that makes you questions whether if it’s even the same dude you’re dealing with. can’t run from the parents’ dna, i guess.

hates being bossed around. very much wants to be in charge of his own destiny, which is kinda at odds with what he’s born into. also hates being told what to do, but if you can get him to listen, he can actually usually be persuaded.

[snyoonsu]

taehyung-bw​:

[snyoonsu]

~ tag dump ~