soft-guys

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“THE MORE I KNOW MEN, THE MORE I LOVE MY DOG,” Marsha P. Johnson (August 24, 1945 - July 6, 1992) and friend, New York City, c. 1980s. Photo by Randy Wicker. #lgbthistory #HavePrideInHistory #Resist #MarshaPJohnson #PayItNoMind #Mood @payitnomind (at New York, New York)

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gays! clean your room

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while we talk about how trans men interact with misogyny & transmisogyny lets remember the time Navi (a trans woman) made a post about how trans men can be just as (trans)misogynistic as cis men & then a trans guy got mad at her, said that trans men CANNOT be just as transmisogynistic because society doesnt seem them as men (which is false btw trans masculine ppl are just as transmisogynistic & can be just as awful as cis men), called her the t slur, & then because of him a bunch of other trans men called her the t slur on anon until she deleted her blog.

as trans men we NEED to listen to trans women & also check our behavior. We can be (trans)misogynistic & because we are men, we are inherently misogynistic & transmisogynistic. we dont get to opt out of being men when its convenient for us or come up with excuses & use our transness as an excuse to make it seem like we “arent that bad.”

we CAN be that bad, as shown time & time again, & we need to check ourselves, listen to women when they tell us were being shitty, & then change our behavior

(cis ppl dont touch btw this is an intracommunity situation & not for you)

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i think many trans men struggle to reconcile their manhood with this distaste towards men that accumulates as you’re exposed to misogyny when you’re read as a woman throughout your life. but instead of using that to advocate for women, speak out against misogyny and become the man who challenges his friends and colleagues to be better, these guys try to remove their accountability and culpability in perpetuating misogyny by using their transness as a get out of jail free card. obviously there’s nuances to be considered — there are many trans men who are percieved to be gnc women and treated as such, not all trans men are on the same playing field when it comes to how you’re read and treated by those around you. but ultimately it’s what you do with that, and when you start derailing and dismissing the voices of (especially trans) women who see through your privileges, hypocrisy, and bullshit, that’s on you and it really just reads as a classic misogynist invalidation of women’s voices and experiences. do better

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Gay culture is having a crippling desire to improve your body and become muscular while also lacking the motivation or confidence to do anything remotely physical

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are you a can’t do math gay or a can’t read gay?

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Gays with insomnia are valid

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anyway gay privilege does exist and it’s called not having to date straight men and it’s truly a blessing

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the trouble is that the specific ways that trans men benefit from patriarchy is not widely understood or accepted. so like we have this big list of ways we all pretty much agree cis men act towards women and so in order for cis men to be taken seriously in feminist spaces he has to acknowledge and accept those things as true. like we dont tolerate cis men saying “well I never personally talk over women,” we all know thats bullshit.

but we dont have this list of behaviours for trans men. we are sort of just now getting to a point where the general consensus is that trans men benefit from patriarchy but for the most part there hasnt been a lot of discussion of how, and when there is it is usually between trans women and largely ignored or rejected by everyone else. this means that when a trans woman talks about a way that trans men use misogyny that falls outside of the usual narative of how cis men do, it is very easy for them to chime in and (usually in a polite but patronising tone) insist that what she’s saying just isnt true. “well i never do that. none of my friends ever do that.” if a cis man was saying this on a cis woman’s post about misogyny he would be roundly mocked. but when its a trans man mansplaining patriarchy to a trans woman no one really bats an eye. everyone comfortably leans back, tells themselves they cant really know who’s right here, and leaves trans women to defend ourselves.

this is a dynamic trans men are deeply invested in maintaining.

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Photo One: January 21, 2017. Women’s March, Washington DC. An individual climbs a street post to hang a transgender pride flag.

Photo two: almost three months later, on April 12, 2017, the flag still flies at the same intersection.

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The first movie to show two men kissing

Wings 1927

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Trying to explain non-binary genders to someone who’s never heard of them before 

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Sometimes I wonder if being too gay affects whether or not I get a job and other times I wonder if it’s going to get me murdered. I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

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Hey can we just talk about guys who have trauma surrounding men? i know we like to talk about how much we love men and stuff but like… can we also acknowledge that we can be mlm/nblm and still be scared/nervous around men? like… im very terrified of being alone around men, especially if those men are much taller than me or resemble my dad at all. i also get really scared if they raise their voices whatsoever, even if its not an angry way/not directed at me and like… as much as i love guys i also am just… extremely terrified of them due to trauma issues and i can never like really feel safe being around adult men even if theyre people i know i can trust. and like theres nothing wrong with this! you can be proudly mlm/nblm and still have trauma surrounding men, still be scared/nervous around them! you arent a bad or lesser mlm/nblm because of this and its 100% okay to be intimidated by men while still being attracted to them

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In 1974, four years after publishing his first children’s book about the close friendship between Frog and Toad, the author and illustrator Arnold Lobel told his family he was gay. “I think ‘Frog and Toad’ really was the beginning of him coming out,” says his daughter, Adrianne. 

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yes I agree aphobes* need to stop

*people who ACTUALLY want ace and aro people to die, which is not synonymous with people who want cishets out of their safe spaces