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hi sorry if this has been asked before but do you consider what you wrote of precanon (based on canon & johns journal) in your blueberries wip to be still true in your other fics? like in your dean lives post canon fixit wip, even though it’s a separate fic, have the same events occured or is it more of a blank slate? or some events happened the same way but not everything?

hi anon <3 apologies for not getting back to you sooner. but i must admit your question had me clutching my phone to my heart with love and i've been carrying the feeling around with me the last few days. it means so much to me when people are interested in my stories (especially after a few years of not being able to write like i want to and feeling desperate about it) so thank you so so much!

and please no sorry! no one has asked before!!

to answer your question rather than sappily yapping more, basically yes? ribbon and blueberry are basically both 15.20 fix its at their core and though i am nowhere near s15 in blueberry, when we get there, it will be kind a two-roads-diverged situation. where like ribbon splits off and is one kind of fix-it, while blueberry is another... if that makes sense.

this is probably tmi but i have some correctness/specificity brain predilections (not sure if its the autism or the ocd) that make it actually very hard for me to think about different scenarios or AUs being true to me simultaneously and it's been an lot of work to be able to read and write fic at all for that reason. (i used to only write fic which perfectly fitted into the source material without changing anything... (lmao why??)) but all that is to say that, for me, blueberry is pretty much what i consider to be (my) canonical pre-series dean lore for everything.

sorry to be so ... idk.. but thanks for the ask that's SO NICE !!!!

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cn sexual assault & dean's hell trauma

so the thing is right... dean comes back from hell and immediately acts so jumpy and reactive about his body and people touching him in a wholly new way ("Well he didn't touch me there" (4.01); "I wasn't groped by an angel" (4.02); closing his eyes and turning his face away from azazel (4.03); pulling away from lilith (4.06); "There aren't words. There is no forgetting. There's no making it better. Because it is right here... forever. You wouldn't understand" (4.08); "They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you... Until there was nothing left" (4.10))

and then in 4.16 azazel is introduced singing

Heaven, I'm in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek...

and he calls dean "daddy's little girl" he says

You gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you. For all the pokes and prods.

and it's like... right. and it all crystalizes and it's so fucking sad.

and also he can't even talk about it as harmful and awful for him as it was because he's still carrying this massive weight of guilt for what he feels like was a choice he made to escape that pain (not how pain and consent work though; wasn't a choice). and i just. i'm gnashing my teeth over here.

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supernatural is like. here’s a man whose hell is hurting other people in ways he’s been before so he won’t get hurt anymore. his hell is literally refusing to be hurt again and hurting others instead. the worst torture that can be done to him is making him experience the relief of being the one who hurts instead of the one hurt for once. he thinks he’s failed because he doesn’t have an infinite ability to withstand pain

and you’re like. yes thanks i’m gonna go munch on this glass now

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psst they are at a red light!

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Dean + the jaw clench

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re: your blood on my face - Original

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Healing

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i made this while listening to heaven by mitski ...🚬

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A little Dean doodle | ref

[More art, wips, and sketches on my Patreon 💖]

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@treezenith exaaaaaaactly

carrot penis. penis carrots.

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Let's not forget they fought the hordes of heaven and hell in a biblical apocalypse in the name of Free Will and the right to choose their own fate and then Sam told Dean what to do with the rest of his life before they'd even won.

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carrot penis. penis carrots.

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"refusal to mourn", andrea cohen.

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The thing about Dean is not… that he’s an All-American man who likes muscle cars and classic rock and unhealthy meat dishes and having sex with diner waitresses and incidentally fell in love with a man.

The narrative deconstructs each of these aspects of his personality. We get told that he doesn’t like these things because it’s a Manly Thing to do, or an American thing to do.

He loves his car. The car is the only possession of the Winchester family that survived the fire that killed Mary and destroyed their house and all their belongings from their life before the tragedy. The car became the only stable element in their lives. It was the only thing they could call a home in a life of homelessness and motels. It’s where Dean and Sam grew up. Yes, Dean likes to drive fast and is proud of his big sleek car, but the car has a sentimental value that goes way beyond it being a big fast car.

Classic rock is the music Dean associates to his parents. He’s heard the story from John, how his parents bonded over Led Zeppelin. It’s a story that stuck with him, to the point it’s what he uses to prove to Mary that he is her son and is telling the truth. We could argue that Led Zeppelin are associated to romance and seduction in his mind, to the point the siren uses that in their (successful) seduction of Dean.

Unhealthy meat dishes are one of few memories of Mary he has. He remembers her meatloaf (and was heartbroken to learn that it wasn’t handmade) and of course the Winchester Surprise, a horrible concoction that Dean tried to replicate only to incur in John’s anger. Not even counting in the issue of Dean’s history with food scarcity, there’s an aspect of comfort inextricably tied to Dean’s relationship with food.

Comfort is also the fundamental thing Dean seeks in sex. It’s established that the casual nature of his sexual encounters is an obliged choice, and he actually longs for more stable relationships. The “adiós” is a bug, not a feature. Dean’s relationship with sex is actually very complex, it’s repeatedly suggested he’s into kink but also seeks gentle relationships with “safe” figures (think of the blonde waitresses that “smell like food”), and that’s easily explainable with the multiple emotional needs that Dean presumably projects in sex. Dean wants to fall in love (the siren is a dark mirror for Dean, representing what Dean is afraid of being for other people). Dean falls in love easily and gets attached easily, which is a problem for him. It’s also established that he has difficulties hooking up with people when he’s going through pericularly traumatic periods of his life, which makes his sexual activity pretty inconsistent, and proves the strong connection between sex and an emotional aspect.

The narrative does not present Dean as a stereotypical manly man to which queerness happens. Dean is fundamentally a deconstruction of the stereotype in all its aspects.

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get up, get back on your feet

you’re the one they can’t beat and you know it

come on, let’s see what you’ve got

just take your best shot and don’t blow it

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star treknatural dean is an engineer btw