some-moon-jumping-cow-idk

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

there's a picture of me at my first pride and I JUST NOW NOTICED in the background there's this person pointing at me with the biggest smile on their face and their partner beside them also looking at me but it's clearly such a loving look like-

hello? hello strangers in the background of my phone going "omg it's probably his first Pride with the way they're doing that picture!!!!"

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

my own fucking face looked at me wrong NO.

I have to be real. I have to be real.

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

oh god my heart. won't. slow thr hell down

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

like earlier I was thinking about my childhood friends and how this one dude always protected me from bullies by CONSTANTLY being UNDENYABLY funnier than them. Caroline makes a joke about me? Ricky pulls her own punchline right back on her in an even better way. "what, we're all just joking right? you were just kidding Caroline?"

also, "those girls are just jealous because the boys want to hang out with you way more than them" Mom, you're almost there, but the REASON the boys want to hang out with me more than them is because I am also a boy lmao

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

I love going from "I am a shithole of a human being and anyone who has ever invested in me has wasted their time I am a monster" to "everything is perfect I'm DRIVEN I am STABLE I'm on top of the world and nothing can happen to me" in genuinely no exaggeration 10 minutes

there are no hyperbolies in this post

I'm aware I guess so that's fun? but also even my mania picked the correct time to hit I'm fucking chosen by the universe I swear because no consequences of today are going to affect me tomorrow because I don't even have to do anything tomorrow.

I really do believe the universe or some higher reality shows me in particular signs and lines up events in my life to happen on specific times for specific reasons and always gives me warnings. I'm sometimes bad at realizing the warnings but they're really obvious? like how I've been getting better at recognizing the warnings over the last year and now I know I have to be careful or else [something will happen I realized if I post it it will definitely happen but I might be able to avoid it If I blank it out with this instead]

you understand?

god

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

let's not have a panic attack because we missed one social cue

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

I have one friend who is is really good at taking constructive criticism when it's meant genuinely like shout the fuck out to my bro Jacob

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

it eainginf raining

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

md20/20 really does sneak the fuck up on you huh in frank from the bottle dodnt tragic eelize how much I dra k and jgr v never had md2020 before so wow. wowwwwwwwwwowo watching a movie 3ating wings with my girlfriend my GIRLFRIEND I love her

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

I'm going back and teaching myself skills I should have learned in elementary school but only pretended to (such as multiplication tables) and also actually trying to improve my understanding of language. my brain is bored.

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

I hate being so dehydrated that my veins hurt. literally they're standing out against my arms and hands and they're sore and my blood feels like tar. why can't I just drink. water.

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

hey I uh. accidentally made toxic fumes while cleaning my bathroom. I'm all good, got a face mask and am airing out the place. but my vision got blurry and I got wobbly and lightheaded, like from 0 to 10 all the sudden, googled about it, and apparently you can't mix mold armor and lysol :3

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

my mom died before i even knew I was trans, so raised me as her daughter. the difference between the way she approached makeup vs my stepmother is-

mom: do you like that color? it's really bold. oooh look at my little rocker girl, let me show you how to do your eyeliner :D look mines GREEN what do you think?

stepmother *sitting on my bed*: keep going, put on more layers. that's not enough. what's that pallet you're using? I need to make sure I get you something else, I don't want you walking out of here like a clueless whore.

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

sorry if i’m being a party pooper but because rabies is apparently the new joke on here ??? please remember that rabies has an almost 100% fatality rate after symptoms develop so if you’re bitten or scratched by an animal that you aren’t 100% sure is vaccinated then GO TO A DOCTOR. it’s not a joke. really. 

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

every day life shows me that solitude is my faithful companion, the one that will never fail me and will always be there no matter what.

[some-moon-jumping-cow-idk]

how am I supposed to NOT miss him and care about him when he was four, almost five years of my life???? when he was all i had that I knew i could trust for so long. when he HOUSED ME AFTER MY PARENTS KICKED ME OUT. when he was already my ONLY escape plan before that, the only future i looked forward to, the only thing that gave me the strength to survive the abuse? of course I care about him i hope he's OKAY my friend just saw him at work so that means he didn't kill himself (good) and I asked if he was still on testosterone and am waiting for a response on that. I hope he continued transitioning he needs it. I hope he's okay. I hope he's found someone who he can trust and who can listen to him and be patient and present with him in the ways I wasnt able to. I hope he's ok. I love him but as a part of the past but I will never not love him. how could I possibly.