somethingaboutfirefly

[somethingaboutfirefly]

Tommy Kinard + breakfast 8x05 | 8x11

[somethingaboutfirefly]

I know the thematic music choices of Bucktommy's relationship have been discussed before, but I wanted to lay it all out in one place for my own edification.

Come Home by Fell Runner Buck and Tommy have dinner at Buck's apartment (S7E10)

It’s always good to have some time alone But I like your voice in person So much more than on the phone So come home And be with your man Come home And be with your man

Below by SillyMe Buck and Tommy bar/hook-up scene (S8E11)

Smoking in my basement alone I guess I never really found home I never found home I never found home I never found home Whoaaaa, where’s my happy place Whoaaaa, where’s my happy place these days

Alone by The Cry Buck unpacks alone in his new sublet, in the same episode as the BT hookup/fight (S8E11)

Do you wish you had all the things you need Do you wish you had all the things you seek And ask yourself again, "is this for me?" Is it enough now, to be alone? Is it enough now, to be on your own? Is it enough now, to be alone?

To recap: Buck and Tommy have dinner together after Bobby almost dies, the song that plays is about coming home to be with your man.

When Buck and Tommy hookup after the breakup, the song that plays is about never finding home and searching for your happy place.

In that same episode, after Buck and Tommy fight and Buck is moving into his new place, the song that plays asks is it enough to be alone?

[somethingaboutfirefly]

Ways Your Character Might Test If They’re Truly Loved

✬ Pulling away to see if they’ll be followed.

✬ Pretending not to care and hoping someone notices.

✬ Saying something cruel just to see if the person stays.

✬ Hiding parts of themselves to see if they’re safe to reveal.

✬ Starting fights over nothing.

✬ Showing the worst parts first, just to get it over with.

✬ Rejecting compliments.

✬ Pretending they’re fine when they’re really not, and watching who pushes harder.

✬ Testing boundaries to see if they’ll be enforced with love or rejection.

✬ Going silent, hoping someone breaks the quiet.

✬ Minimizing their own needs to see if someone insists they deserve more.

✬ Giving too much, too fast, to see if they’re used.

✬ Opening up slowly and watching very closely.

✬ Acting like they don’t need help, and quietly hoping someone offers.

✬ Sabotaging good moments just to see if they’ll be forgiven.

✬ Disappearing for a while, then coming back to see if they were missed.

✬ Showing jealousy to see if the other person cares.

✬ Revealing old wounds to see how someone reacts.

✬ Saying “you deserve better” to see if the other person agrees.

✬ Waiting, always waiting, to be left.

[somethingaboutfirefly]

WHAT. IF I CRY. 😭😭

[somethingaboutfirefly]

When a Character Is Lonely but Doesn’t Know How to Say It

It’s not always visible. Sometimes they’re surrounded by people and still feel like they’re drowning in the silence between sentences.

⊹ They linger a little longer after conversations. Just in case someone notices.

⊹ They always ask “how are you?” but dodge it when it’s asked back.

⊹ They invite people to things... but laugh it off if no one shows. “I didn’t really care anyway.”

⊹ They scroll through old texts and consider replying. Don’t.

⊹ They talk to themselves. Out loud. Just to hear something.

⊹ Their smile is quick, but their eyes are slow. Tired. Watching.

⊹ They keep themselves busy. Loneliness echoes louder in stillness.

⊹ They volunteer. They help. They overgive, because maybe someone will need them enough to stay.

⊹ They laugh at inside jokes they weren’t there for.

⊹ They crave being chosen. They’ll never say that. But oh, how they ache for it.

[somethingaboutfirefly]

Rewatching 811. Tommy probably thinking that he was the only one pining during all those months.

[somethingaboutfirefly]

Asking again, why are you shipping bucktommy if your ass can’t stand tommy…

[somethingaboutfirefly]

tommy kinard deserves to be fucked while his body shakes, overstimulated, overwhelmed, overheated, as the cum from his previous orgasm is drying on his stomach, as buck's cum still drips out of him. he deserves to moan and huff out incoherent nothings as buck fucks him again and again, being brought to tears not knowing how much more he can take. tommy deserves to have his brains fucked out of him by buck.

[somethingaboutfirefly]

bucktommy paralleling bathena, madney, and henren 2.01 x 7.05 / 2.14 x 8.06 / 6.06 x 8.11

[inspo]

[somethingaboutfirefly]

Buck felt rejected. Tommy felt uninvited.

I don’t think Buck ever truly understood what Tommy needed from him.

He didn’t need a grand gesture — Just a confident sign. A crack in the door. A flicker of warmth. Some signal that says: you’re allowed to try.

And when he gets that? He moves.

— Buck says he wanted Tommy’s attention → Tommy kisses him. — Buck says maybe he’s ready for something → Tommy says yes. Shows up to the party. Shows up to the wedding. — Buck and Tommy hook up → Tommy makes breakfast, unpacks the coffee machine, buys champagne like maybe this means something. — Buck says thank you → Tommy says, “And for you.”

He doesn’t storm in. He doesn’t force his way into anyone’s life. He just reads the room, and when he sees the smallest opening — he acts. Quietly, decisively, fully, with care.

But Buck never understood that. And that’s the real tragedy.

Buck’s emotional. He feels everything. But he doesn’t act on it without certainty. He spirals. He waits to be invited.

Tommy? He came out late. He lived through silence. He was in the Army. Under Gerrard. Engaged to a woman once. He knows how to live with restraint — and still, somehow, he shows up.

Especially for someone like Tommy, who spent years in places where silence was survival — he’s not going to beg. But he will take the risk, if you leave the door cracked.

And S8 Buck? Never did. Not enough.

During the breakup, Tommy said something real:

“I know how this ends. I’m your first, not your last.”

He put his fear on the table. Buck did try — he even said, “they can be the same thing”

But even that wasn’t something Tommy could hold onto. It was a maybe, not a confident yes.

And when Tommy reached for something solid? Buck didn’t say, “You’re wrong.” He didn’t say, “I want this.” He didn’t say, “Stay.” So Tommy left.

Later, at the bar, Tommy brought it up — said he thought about reaching out. He drove past Buck’s place. He typed the message.(bubbling) (But Buck never opened the door. So Tommy never hit send.)

Buck shut it down with : “No way.” No opening. No invitation. Just more confusion.

Then Buck invited him. And Tommy took that as hope. He didn’t just stay the night — he unpacked the coffee machine. He brought food. He probably bought champagne. He thought it meant something.

But when Buck lashed out:

“You know, I don't have to want to sleep with everyone I have feelings for. And I don't have to have feelings for everyone I sleep with.”

Tommy read the room again. Said, “Got it.” And left.

Not because he didn’t care. But because he’d learned to stop reaching where he’s not wanted.

And the part that breaks me?

Buck knew. He told Maddie the morning after: “I was cruel.” Said, “I should call him.” But he never did.

And this is where our headcanon comes in — because based on everything we’ve seen from Tommy:

If Buck had called. Even just a text. Even unsure, even messy. Tommy would’ve taken the chance. He’s always taken the chance.

So yeah. Maybe Buck felt rejected and abandoned. Maybe he thought Tommy gave up too fast.

But from Tommy’s side?

He’d kissed first. Said yes first. Shown up every time. He’d taken risks, again and again — every time Buck gave him a sliver of permission.

And Buck never realized how easy it would’ve been to meet him halfway.

He just needed one more sign.

And he would’ve come back. Like he always did.

PS: This is just my interpretation — canon-supported but built on emotional headcanon. Personally, I don’t think Tommy ran because he was scared. I think he didn’t see an opening. And Buck never realized Tommy didn’t need a guarantee — just a signal. he would moves the second he's allowed. Always open to thoughts, counterpoints, or things I missed — would love to discuss more 💬

[somethingaboutfirefly]

8.06 // 8.11

The tendency to mimic someone’s accent, speech patterns, or even gestures comes from something called the mirroring effect. It’s a subconscious way of connecting with others by reflecting their behavior on them. When we imitate someone’s tone, rhythm, or mannerisms, it’s like we’re saying, “I see you, and I’m with you.” (X)

[somethingaboutfirefly]

9-1-1 Tommy Kinard | Season 8

[somethingaboutfirefly]

I want to believe there was a good reason why Buck didn’t tell Tommy about the baking and the urge to call him too, but this is 911. Their ass probably forgot about the baking, and I’m not even kidding here.

[somethingaboutfirefly]

This is not a Buck bashing post. Though I’m pretty sure I will lose most of you in my next 3 sentences.

It’s always Tommy get your boy this and get your boy that, how about Buck go get your boyfriend back?

How about Buck stop acting like a mute and actually use his words for once?

I’m so tired of this fandom keeps blaming tommy for not “reaching out”.

“You haven’t called Buck?” Astonished this one character in one fic set after 818

“You left me, you have no idea how much it hurts me.” Accused by another Buck in another fic.

“Coward.” “Coward.” “Coward.” Repeated in millions of fics and posts.

If I were in the same situation I wouldn’t call Buck again either. The guy hooked up with tommy once, called tommy to commit crimes for him and never contacted Tommy ever again? Any person with a shred of self esteem would reach out.

I’m not even here to blame Buck. I honestly don’t believe he’s this useless damsel S8 has portrayed him as. And I honestly don’t believe this ship is so one sided as it’s portrayed. The writers fucked up, obviously.

Buck did chase after Tommy in S7, he did put in the effort. The only reason he changed in S8 is because the writers don’t understand Tevan as we do. But why should they? They are 911 writers. We are the tevan writers.

But isn’t that what fandom is for? Not to enforce the wrong image but to fill in the blank, to complete this mutual loving relationship. Don’t we as shippers, content creators have the power to make this fandom the way we like it? Is this one-sided relationship really what we want, what you want?

What are we? Buddie? I’ll die if we ever stoop that low.

Like, let’s do better than the writers. Be better at writing tevan than the writers.

God knows how many ideas they have stolen and will be stealing from us. Why not just give them something actually good enough to make canon?

[somethingaboutfirefly]

ppl misunderstand me when I say "I want more [thing] in stories". I don't mean "I'm going to love every single one" I mean "I'm very picky and I want more of it in circulation so I can actually choose from a wealth of them and be discerning". I see ppl being like "you say you want more of [this thing] but you don't like [example of it]" YEAH CUZ I'M PICKY!!!!!!!! I have opinions and standards????? not all of them are gonna be the same I wanna be able to look at 100 of them and go "I want these 20" not "I only have 3 to choose from and I don't like any of them" you feel me??????

[somethingaboutfirefly]

9-1-1 • S2E08 || S7E09:DELETED SCENE

[somethingaboutfirefly]

Love and Be Loved in Return

Summary: He’s been staring at his phone for what feels like an hour, his thumb hovering over the call button. The past forty-eight hours have possibly been the most eventful of his life, and still, it’s this phone call that brings him to his knees. Tommy lost count of the hours he spent wondering when it should happen, what he should say, and still, he’s none the wiser.

Notes: This is going to be a multichapter story. I always have a hard time to tag fics, especially with what could be content warning etc, so I might add to the tags as the fic continues, and put potential content warnings in the notes. I didn't label this is as Major Character Death as this won't be a focus of the story, but Bobby Nash is dead in here, as this is set after season 8.

Now, happy reading. I haven't written a multichapter in a while…let's see how this goes. ;)

Title from Nature Boy by Eden Ahbez

And now the most important note: I dedicate this story to my Cacti, my dear friend and mind-reader! Without you, I'd probably not be in this fandom anymore.

Rating: M (just in case for future chapters)

Content Warnings: past mpreg, male lactation, canon MCD, season 8 spoilers, dealing with post birth recovery, dealing with anxiety, depression and grief

Chapter 1, story tag, on AO3

He’s been staring at his phone for what feels like an hour, his thumb hovering over the call button. The past forty-eight hours have possibly been the most eventful of his life, and still, it’s this phone call that brings him to his knees. Tommy lost count of the hours he spent wondering when it should happen, what he should say, and still, he’s none the wiser.

“What do you say? You wanna make this call for Daddy?” he asks, glancing at his newborn son, whose eyes immediately light up at the sound of his father’s voice. Once again, he’s amazed by how strong, how unconditional, and all-consuming love can be. This little guy, his baby, the center of his world, conquered his heart the moment he saw the lines on the pregnancy tests, all five of them as positive as they could be.

Nothing compares to becoming a parent, to those special little moments. Tommy remembers all of them. 

The first time he noticed his stomach was no longer flat, and every time he checked how much his baby bump had grown after that.

The first movement that felt like a real kick and couldn’t be mistaken for gas or weird stomach issues.

The day he learnt he was expecting a boy, and the first time he scrolled through a list of names for his future son. He picked ‘David’ the same night.

The way the baby would respond to his voice, and how he could tell if he was kicked by a foot or an elbow, or a knee.

The frightening realisation that his back pains were in fact contractions, and all the hours he had to wait until he could finally push for the first time.

How they placed the crying infant against his chest, and how the little boy immediately settled down.

That happened a bit over twenty-four hours ago, and Tommy is still in a weird kind of state, like he’s dreaming, afraid to believe that this is indeed his new life. That this small person is indeed the child he’s grown in his belly for the past ten months.

The child he still has to tell Evan about. Which he’s trying to do for at least an hour now. And this phone call is scarier than giving birth, he thinks. Because he really has no idea what’s going to happen.

“Guess I don’t have any excuses left, huh?” he sighs, and Davy smiles. Tommy doesn’t think his son knows what a smile is, or why he’s doing it, but still, it’s such a beautiful moment that his heart aches. “Okay,” he finally says. “No matter what happens, as long as I have you, everything’s gonna be alright.” 

He places a soft kiss on his son’s forehead. “I love you so much,” he whispers, then pushes the call button.

His heart hammers hard against his ribcage as he listens, waits. His breath catches when the familiar voice answers, surprised and…delighted?

“There's something we need to talk about,” Tommy says, his eyes darting to his baby. Gently, he brushes a finger over a small hand. His son immediately wraps his tiny fingers around his, holding on tightly.

“Sure,” Evan answers. A bit more hesitantly, he asks, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, all’s fine.” Davy’s presence grounds him, makes the fear, the insecurity, all those sickening feelings slowly fade away. He wonders what Evan thinks, if his call is welcome or not. They haven't talked since Bobby’s funeral. Did Evan think about him at all?

“There's something I need to tell you, though. In person, if you don't mind. Whenever you have time.”

Evan is quiet for a moment. “What about now?” he asks then.

His heart skips a beat. One step closer to the moment he's been dreading for months now. “My place?”

“Be there in fifteen.”

Tommy stares at his phone for a minute straight after the call ends. Even Davy can't stop the cold that's forming in his heart, spreading through his veins, making him shudder. He swallows against the lump in his throat.

“Don't worry, your other Dad’s gonna love you,” he says. But how things between them will turn out…he’s not sure he’s ready for that.

****

Evan arrives on time. Tommy's hands are shaking when he unlocks the door. He tried to clean up as nicely as currently possible, but knows he still looks exhausted, and certainly isn't back in shape. He wonders if Evan will notice.

It takes all his years of hiding his true feelings to smile, and keep smiling when he comes face to face with his ex-boyfriend.

Evan looks good, familiar, hair still curly, eyes still bright and blue, but something has changed. He seems more serious, more mature in a way. There's so much Tommy wants to say and ask, but now is not the time. He has to stay focused.

“Thanks for coming.” He steps aside, signals Evan to come in, forces himself to look away, to stop caring too much. This is about Davy, not him.

“Thanks for…uh, for calling,” Evan says, and when Tommy notices he's fidgeting, he knows he's not the only nervous one. “I guess? I mean, I…was thinking about calling you. A couple of times. But I didn't know.”

He shrugs awkwardly, and Tommy wonders how different their interactions would be if they didn't carry so much baggage from the past, if they were less controlled by their respective fears and insecurities.

There are many ways to approach this conversation. They could start with small talk to waste more time dancing around the actual topic. Or he could get right to the point, say what he has to say, and see what Evan will do with it. The latter option feels more appealing, more true to what he wants to do. He braces himself, forms the words…

“You got a baby here?” Evan asks then, and all words fail Tommy. He follows his visitor into the living room and immediately sees the baby car seat. How he could've forgotten to put it away when he cleaned up earlier is a mystery to him.

There it is, the conversation starter.

“Uh…yeah.” Tommy swallows hard, tries his best to keep his voice under control. He can see Evan doesn't suspect anything yet, probably thinks it's the child of a friend.

Until he turns to look at Tommy again. Really look at him. And remembers why he's here.

Tommy can pinpoint the moment when realisation dawns upon him.

“You…you have a baby?” Evan asks, his voice no more than a disbelieving whisper.

Tommy nods once.

“And…and is it…” Evan can't bring himself to say it.

Another nod.

Evan doesn't say anything in response. He stares at him, stares him right in the eyes, and Tommy feels like the air is sucked from his lungs, the blood in his veins turning to ice. He doesn't dare to move, doesn't dare to breathe, doesn't dare to think. He waits, fears what's to come next. He can't read Evan’s face for once. There are so many directions this could take.

“I…I had no idea,” Evan finally says, and he looks…sad? Shocked?

“I know, I…” Tommy starts, giving himself another moment to consider what he's supposed to say next. Then everything comes out, the words forming and spilling all by themselves.

“I wasn't sure when to tell you after…everything that happened,” he explains. “I found out the morning you asked me to help Chimney. I wanted to tell you once everything was over, but then…” He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, fights back the rising memories, and his increasing dizziness.

“It didn't feel right at the time. Maybe…it could've given you hope, but maybe it could've made it worse too, with everything you guys had to go through. After the funeral…I wanted to reach out…I wanted to comfort you, but I wasn't sure if that's anything you’d have liked, and with being pregnant, all that was happening… I was going to tell you, I just didn't know when, and the longer I waited, the harder it got. But now that he's here, I had to do it. I didn't want you to miss time with him, if you wanna be part of his life.”

Once he's finished, Tommy dares to meet Evan’s eyes again. He's prepared for disappointment, for anger, because he waited so long. He doesn't expect what he sees instead.

“He?” Evan says quietly, and there are the first hints of tears glistening in his eyes. “We…we have a son?”

“Yeah. His name’s Davy. Well, David.” He's shaking again, and he knows it's just a barely visible tremor in his hands, but Evan notices anyway.

“Did you…Was there anyone who…helped you? With all this?” Evan wants to know, and Tommy hates the answer he's about to give.

“Well, you know what it's like. People got their own families and stuff to deal with.” He shrugs, tries to smile, but how Evan looks at him proves he fails. “I was doing just fine.”

“You were alone,” Evan states quietly.

Tommy was prepared for blame, for anger, but not for Evan's guilt. “Barely anyone knew,” he says quickly, which isn't entirely true. Harbor knew. His friends knew, although ‘friends’ is probably too big of a word. He only kept the 118 in the unknown. Because they had enough to deal with. He wouldn't have wanted them to make room for his struggles with the big loss they had to grieve. They didn't know about his suspension either.

“You wanna see him?” he asks before Evan can slip further into whatever is currently going through his mind. The question has the desired effect.

Davy is still awake when Tommy picks him up, eyes wide as if he wants to take in his surroundings and not miss a beat. The weight of the baby in his arms soothes the storm of emotions that is picking up speed in the depths of his chest. He's glad they didn't fight, didn't even argue. But there's something between him and Evan, a kind of tension, he's unsure about.

“Look who's here,” Tommy whispers as he returns to the living room. Evan is still standing where he left him, eyes wide and filled with unshed tears. His hands are shaking as well when he accepts the child, carefully cradling Davy against his chest like he's made of glass.

“Hey, little guy,” Evan says, voice rough. A single fat tear rolls down his cheek. “Look how good you are, not at all scared of the new strange man.” He looks up to meet Tommy's eyes again, with the brightest, most honest smile he's ever seen. “Don't tell Jee and Bobby, but he's the cutest, most perfect baby I've ever seen.”

“That he is.” Carefully, Tommy lowers himself to the couch, trying not to wince at the pain sitting down causes. “Come here, sit.”

Evan does without looking up. He's so mesmerized by their son that Tommy thinks he forgot about him. They sit in silence: a comfortable silence that stretches on for minutes.

“How old is he?” Evans asks then.

“A little over twenty-four hours.” Tommy chuckles at the look Evan shoots him in response. “What?”

“You gave birth yesterday? You must be so exhausted,” he answers, so surprised that Tommy can't help but laugh.

“I am, but it's amazing what you're capable of when you're running on endorphins,” he says with a wink.

Evan smiles, but when he turns serious again, Tommy knows what'll come next. “Was…did you have anyone with you? Yesterday, I mean?” When Tommy doesn't answer, he sighs. “So you went through pregnancy alone, and no one was around to hold your hand when you gave birth. I…I wish I knew. So I could've been there for you.”

How different things between them could've been, Tommy thinks again, if only they weren’t so burnt by the past.

“You're here now,” is all he manages to say. Tommy knows they have to talk eventually, have to figure out why they took so many wrong turns when they clearly cared about each other. Probably still do. But now is not the time, and he's glad when Evan nods, understands.

“Y’know, you can go take a nap, get some rest if you like,” he offers. “I'll take care of him. If…if you let me.”

“He's your son too,” Tommy says, and Evan's smile returns. It's still teary, but it's also warm and hopeful, and so much more than what he dared to wish for. “I'd say I'm fine, but I didn't sleep more than an hour for the past two days, so…”

“Go to bed,” Evan tells him with a wink and a smirk and then, softer, adds, “We're gonna be right here when you wake up.”