somewhatambivalent - Tumblr blog

[somewhatambivalent]

casvist​:

                   一     *        𝒉𝒆𝒓   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌   𝒘𝒂𝒔   𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅   𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕   𝒕𝒉𝒆   𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒅   𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍,      twisting   the   crystal   glass   in   her   hand,   swirling   the   liquid   against   the   sides   of   it,   as   her   eyes   were   lazily   following   the   crowd   of   cheerful   people,   seemingly   unaware   of   the   sheer   stupidity   of   this   ball.   if   it   wasn’t   for   her   very   own   acrimony   towards   the   ravkan   king,   perhaps   she’d   have   looked   for   him,   一   even   embraced   him   as   he   just   granted   fate   another   opportunity   to   erase   the   minuscule   lives   of   the   remaining   grisha.   and   yet,   she   was   waiting   for   nothing.   一      jaded   ,   dreadfully   bored   and   now   bothered   by   another   masked   attendee.   and   much   to   her   chagrin,   her   mask   still   revealed   half   of   her   face   so   she   had   no   choice   but   force   the   twitching   corners   of   her   lips   into   a   sugary   smile.

“   if   you   don’t   mind   me   stepping   on   your   feet.   ”   she   said,      drawing   her   hand   to   her   lips,   feigning   shyness.   truth   to   be   told,   yeva   knew   how   to   dance   but   she   simply   needed   an   excuse   to   step   on   his   toes,   一      hurt   him   a   little      in   case   he   was   another   grisha   she   needed   to   put   to   rest   tonight.      “   unfortunately,   the   hell   hole   called   ketterdam   doesn’t   produce   good   dancers.”   a   small,   strangled   laugh   escaping   her   throat,   as   she   finally   took   his   hand.

the sweet smile she sent his way adrian took as a sign his presence or request wasn’t unwanted. ‘‘not at all, you can step on my feet any time.’‘ he said in an attempt to break the ice, his smile just as charming as it was before when he’d asked her. eyes following the movement of her hand to her lips, the shyness of it softening his smile. the movement urged him to say something else for fear his earlier words were a bit too forward. ‘‘there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll help you, I promise.’‘ the tone of his voice softer in an attempt to reassure her, not wanting to scare her off, well aware that even the idea of dancing strikes fear in plenty. however, adrian’s smile faltered a bit at her next words, not the tone, nor the smile, but the use of the words hell hole, making adrian think the woman was in fact not as shy as she was trying to come across. ‘‘I can’t say I’ve ever been myself, so i’ll have to take your word for it. I’d love to help you get better if you’d let me.’‘ 

when she took his hand, he led her to the dance floor. taking up the position of the current dance. the hand holding hers gently moving to the side, fingers wrapping over the side of hers, while the other was placed on her waist. ‘‘tell me, what’s Ketterdam like?’‘

[somewhatambivalent]

fcklidiya​:

lidiya watched on the sidelines still to nervous to simply get out there and mingle with people. she had a few friends within the little palace, but it was much harder to identify them without their keftas on. green eyes flickered around the room, admiring the various costumes and couples on the dancefloor. 

she was taken out of her daydreaming at the sound of someone’s voice. she looked up in surprise. “oh!” she looked aorund as if he were talking to somebody else but there wasn’t anyone else around. “oh, i’ love to, but i’m not a very good dancer.” 

adrian couldn’t help but think it was adorable that the lady was making sure it was actually her he’d asked to dance with. the action not causing the hand he was holding up for her to take to lower in the slightest. ‘’you’re probably a lot better than you think you are.’’ he said, smiling warmly. ‘’you can trust me, I’ll help you.’’ his words genuine, trying to reassure her there was nothing for her to worry about.

[somewhatambivalent]

dvndelicns​:

“ unfortunately it’s our job, isn’t it ? ” not their first job, but something necessary to accomplished everything they needed. if hannes could, he wouldn’t be a guard on the little palace, but it was the best position to spy. they saw everything and everyone, and had a privileged place on the palace staff ranks. and, of course, no one would think that a guard was, in fact, a spy. “ it’s more than impressive. for the first time in my life, i don’t have words. ” he always had a sarcastic remark or too blunt words to say, but the ravkan king managed to leave hannes speechless without trying too much. “ it’s not too late, but you’re right about someone hearing us. it’s better if we just try to eavesdrop them. i’m sure we can get the crown prince drunk enough to spill secret’s about the estate’s affair. but we can’t be drunk. what if we say something we shouldn’t ? ” it was a constant fear of hannes — getting drunk and telling someone about everything.  “ yes. stop looking at me with those eyes. ” his voice wasn’t harsh, but he was fine. it had been ages since hannes felt fine — the weight of the killings were always on his shoulders. they still were, but he felt more light than usual. “ really ? i still can’t get more than two hours a night. the nightmares are always with me. ” he saw their faces on his dreams, asking for help while he was unable to do anything. 

‘‘unfortunately. the money isn’t too bad though, is it?’‘ changing his words somewhat as another guest passed them a bit too close for adrian’s liking, while they were not immediately recognisable, there was a chance that it could lead back to them, or at least make their mission more complicated. yet a chuckle escaped him nonetheless, finding it hilarious that the grisha were basically financing their mission, to a small degree. ‘‘I hate to say it, but maybe we could learn something from him, or from this at least.’‘ sometimes adrian wondered if the king was just a fool or pretending to be one. either way, something could be said for it, strategy was strategy after all. ‘‘the masks offer some protection but not that much. I agree, that’s a good idea, but are you sure we’ll even able to get close enough to do so? he seems quite glued to the seat he’s on. fine, we can’t be drunk, in that case how are your acting skills? we can’t be seen completely sober trying to get the crown prince drunk either. while this is a party, we should expect more than just the King’s personal guard to be vigilant.’‘ it was a reminder they weren’t here for the parties, however, adrian would probably try to get hannes to actually party at the end of it when they’d done their duty. 

‘‘sorry, I believe you. you know you can tell me if you’re not right?’‘ wiping the concern from his face instantly to humor him. while technically they were ‘colleagues’ and had a job to do, hannes was like a brother to him and would be there for him no matter what. ‘‘really, I don’t fully understand it myself. sorry to hear that, they haven’t improved at all?’‘ not able to not be at least worried, nightmares were difficult to get rid of, adrian often wondered if the success of their mission would relieve the pain and nightmares his friend suffered.

[somewhatambivalent]

heartsck​:

For the record, Daciana thought this ball was quite possibly the stupidest idea that the King had conceived in quite some time. Which in itself was impressive, since the man seemed to have more than stupid ideas than should be allowed in anyone with a bit of power. She sighed at the thought, more irritated than anything else, and took a sip from her drink. It was reckless too, putting everyone in one place with less than the normal amount of guards, mingling grisha and non-grisha with no clear distinction. This might have been what bothered her the most, Daciana liked for things to be orderly, for people to fit into the clearly defined places. She didn’t like to guess.

The heartrender raised a delicate brow at the man’s question. Another problem with this theme - her resting bitch face didn’t work nearly as well with a mask. But, she might as well play nice; or at the very least, nice for her.

“I might consider it,” she took another sip of her drink then lilted her head to the side, watching him. “After my drink, of course. In the mean time you can tell me all of the reasons that I should.” Her smile was a challenge, daring him to capture her attention and prove worthy of it.

‘’that’s not a no, I’m flattered such a beautiful lady as yourself would even consider to dance with me.’’ lowering his hand, he raised an eyebrow in surprise at her answer, a visible change as the mask did not cover his face completely. observing the sip she took from the glass, eyes following the movement. adrian couldn’t help but be taken aback a bit, having expected for this to be easy, asking a lady to dance, no matter who it was. ‘’very well, I can give you...three reasons.’’ his eyes glinted at the challenge evident in her smile, he tilted his head to the side a bit, thinking over his options.

‘‘the dress you’ve chosen is beautiful, it would be a waste not to show it off in a dance, would it not? but of course, the dress pales in comparison to your beauty. it is an opportunity to forget about the recent attack, and the dead for a moment, and, last but not least, I’m an excellent dancer, your toes will be safe with me, which I can’t say about everyone else here.’‘

watching her face all the while to gauge a reaction to any of the reasons, even if the mask adorning her face made it next to impossible. ‘’so tell me, am I worthy of one?’’ yet to see if she was just playing with him or just not the type who danced, but until he found out which it was, he’d play along.

[somewhatambivalent]

@ravkastarters​

adrian was not someone who could stand still for long periods of time, whenever he wasn’t required to as a guard at least. so standing in the mass of masked individuals, he was desperately looking around the ballroom trying to find something to do, knowing there was no point in trying to identify anyone. eyes falling on the couples moving about elegantly in the centre, an idea was starting to form in his mind. it wasn’t something he’d share with anyone freely, or talked about openly, but adrian secretly loved to dance and he wasn’t too bad at it either. now all that was left to do was find a dance partner.

as a spy it was probably not the best idea to stand out, the dance floor probably one of the most visible spots of the ballroom. however, adrian trusted the outfit he’d chosen, and the mask would both allow him to blend in and hide his identity enough.

approaching a beautiful masked lady who happened to be on her own at the moment, adrian offered her a charming smile, holding out his hand for her to take. ‘’I’d be honoured if you’d join me for a dance.’’

[somewhatambivalent]

dvndelicns​:

“ now we actually can. it was a good thing that both of us managed to have a break from duty today. ” the guard duty, at least. hannes was as a guest inside the ballroom, but still a fjerdan — and a spy. as much as he wanted to enjoy himself fully — to let the boy take control over the man — an irritating and ceaseless voice reminded him why he was on the little palace. if he wasn’t s spy, he wouldn’t be experiencing such things, and he needed to be grateful to djel for allowing him to see such wonders. hannes was nothing but a commoner on both countries, but at least in ravka, he had more privileges by being a guard. “ they really outdid themselves. the spring fête was nothing compared to this. but did you see the king ? if i knew he was going to show himself like that, i would probably plan to do something. ” they still could do, but now what hannes actually wanted. maybe befriend the drunken crown prince, see if he shared something useful. “ i’m fine, i think. tired from all the work, but fine. ” hannes admitted quietly, not used to share his feelings like that. “ and what about you ? i hope better than me, though. ”

‘‘it is a good thing, the new schedules sure made it seem like there was no time for anything else but guarding.’‘ smiling as he said it. the truth being that the last few weeks of a rigorous guard duty schedule had made adrian almost forget who he really was, he wasn’t at the little palace to be a guard, he was there to be a spy. ‘’it’s impressive isn’t it? if this doesn’t distract from the recent attack I don’t know what could.‘’considering hannes’s words adrian’s eyes landed on the king, contemplating whether they should do something, attack. technically they could attack here and now. it would probably be a success. however their chances of surviving it didn’t have adrian jumping at the opportunity, if the king’s personal guards wouldn’t get them, the grisha sure would. ‘’it’s too late to plan something now, if someone overhears we’ll be captured and it’ll all be over. how about we get drunk or pretend to at least and try to eavesdrop on the royal family?’’ this way they still technically were doing their ‘real’ job as spies without needing to miss out on any of the fun, although it was more of a ploy to get hannes to enjoy himself and party, after all, the destruction of ravka and making grisha pay for their misdeeds would take longer than a single night. ‘’are you really?’’ real concern showing on his face for his friend. ‘’I’m tired from the extra work, surprisingly enough it’s improved my sleep though.’’

[somewhatambivalent]

dvndelicns​:​

hannes never had been someone that liked partying. he did before, when his family was still alive, and they had the annual feast on their village. he remembered dancing around the bonfires with his sisters, mainly jytte, and being scolded by his mother for eating too many sweets. but that ? he felt like he didn’t belong on the little palace ( he actually didn’t, but no one else besides adrian knew that ). this ball was even more glamorous than the spring fête, and his blue eyes wandered wonderstruck around the decorations. as much as he hated the ravkans and the grishas, he couldn’t deny that they knew how to party. hannes never saw such things on fjerda — and although the mask could be bothersome sometimes, it gave him the perfect disguise to hear the gossip and spy on the king ( who was more stupid than hannes thought, being without protection in a crowded room with enemies lurking ). but he wasn’t there to think about the king, not know. hannes smiled — actually smiled — at the sight of adrian. his peer could be using any disguises, but hannes would always reconize him. “ it’s a beautiful feast, isn’t it ? i never saw something like that back there. ”

there was nothing adrian loved more than a good party, when he’d first arrived at the little palace to take the post of guard together with hannes he’d known the grisha threw the occasional party, excited to experience one. an experience only possible to be enjoyed indirectly as a guard sadly, required to occupy the post he’d been assigned, and nothing more. not that it mattered, he was there to spy for fjerda, not to enjoy himself. yet he couldn’t help but secretly be happy he’d finally get to actually attend one, though there wasn’t much of a secret to it, seeing as he couldn’t stop smiling the moment he’d entered the ball room, trying not to seem too obvious in admiring the room as he moved around. a guards uniform provided plenty of protection to steal snippets of information here or there, doing anything or being anywhere a guard was not supposed to was suspicious, while a suit and mask was not. at being joined by hannes adrian’s smile widened, after all these years he’d be able to recognise his friend anywhere. ‘’it sure is, the most beautiful feast so far, let’s make sure we enjoy it, now we actually can. me neither, but the feast back there has its own charms.’’ he said as he put his hands in his pockets. ‘’how are you?’’

[somewhatambivalent]

[somewhatambivalent]

sodaparticles​:​

sweat glistened on the brow of the blonde woman’s face as she threw another gust of wind toward the dummy in front of her, then another, and another, and another, before it just turned into her repeatedly punching the dummy on top of letting the wind destroy the room with each punch. she really couldn’t help it when she was in a mood (which was often). this was where she spent most of her time when she was having a day, and it usually ended up in her using all of her power and strength in training to where when she was done, all she wanted to do was sleep the rest of the day and tend to the bruises she was bound to get. it was definitely not a healthy coping mechanism, but serafima wasn’t exactly worried about that.

this was where serafima could let out the years of trauma from her past without it being considered harmful intent, where she could transform all of that pain into a few moments of power as if she could beat the torment out of her body. it worked for the most part, however it didn’t work when someone interrupted her.

serafima could feel the presence of someone entering the room. she didn’t know why, because she always deliberately chose times to train when no one else was there. she was struggling for breath as she relaxed out of her fighting stance, turning to the person she was being forced to interact with. “dunno if you can tell, but it’s pretty busy in here right now,” she held her arms out to gesture to an empty room. “maybe you can come back later.”

he didn’t mind the late shift, in fact he preferred it. it gave him the opportunity to do what he’d come to the little palace for freely without fear of discovery plaguing every moment, to spy, specifically to look for information that could not be found out by observing grisha alone, information from rooms and documents.

it wasn’t that unusual for guards to patrol the little palace when the grisha were asleep, it was only natural for adrian to enter the training room at hearing sounds coming from it, needing as a guard to check it out for potential threats. rifle raised, he entered, only to lower it as quickly as he’d raised it at the sight of the squaller. the familiarity of the kefta and her words enough to convince him she is not a threat, not to the little palace at least, nor one to mess with. 

‘’didn’t mean to interrupt ma’am, you sounded like a potential threat, with the recent attack any possible threat needs to be investigated, you understand.’’ following her gestures he looked at the empty room a moment, before looking back at the woman, noticing her state. ‘’forgive me for asking, but what are you doing?’’ the answer obvious perhaps, however, considering what time it was and the rigorous training schedules the drusjes had to endure he wondered when the squaller would find time to sleep, if at all.

[somewhatambivalent]

svnktyas​:​

kajri often found herself wondering what the saints would think if they could see her now, skulking around in the shadows of the streets as if she was part of the shadows herself. there was a noticeable shift in the air tonight, a sombreness which lingered upon the silhouettes of the people who waded past the suli, their shoulders slumped with the weight of the incident.

while she hadn’t been around the little palace when the attack had happened, she was one of the first to find out about it outside of the confines of the walls. kajri couldn’t quite figure out if curiosity or duty brought her to palace to investigate the outskirts at the very least — the risk of getting inside far outweighed the pros with the palpable unease in the air. as she moved closer to the walls a small church caught her attention from the corner of her eye, the tired appearance a small balm to soothe the anxiety of the nights events.

it wasn’t until she reached the heavy doors of the building she took notice of the figure parallel to the alter. the saints must have still held her in some regard roman stopped short of pulling the trigger towards her ( luck or foolishness on her part for approaching someone so openly ). “you are not the only one who finds some solace with the saints.” she offered in lew of greeting, a small smile tugging on the corner of her lips as she carefully moved forward until the pair stood side-by-side.

“is it not bad luck to diverge from ones task, roman?” kajri joked, matching the amusement which lingered in the male’s tone. “although, i suppose there should be a level of understanding after what happened. there don’t seem to be as many of you tonight..” she drawled off, sympathetic in the acknowledgment of why the guard detail seemed a little thinner.

‘’fair enough, ‘’ returning the smile, sounding a lot more understanding than he did before, replacing the unwelcoming tone he’d had earlier with a welcoming one, pretending they shared the same religion. looking to his left, he studied her for a moment, thinking it best to convince her they did indeed share the same fate. ‘’I understand if you want me to leave so you can pray in peace.’’ the words being genuine, not everyone liked company when visiting a church,  respecting kajri’s devotion to her religion, he thought it best to ask. slinging the rifle back onto his shoulder as he said it.

‘‘if it is, sounds like we’re both in trouble, don’t you think?’‘  letting out a soft chuckle, glad they could joke about it, their professions not leaving a lot of room for jokes or anything else light hearted. ‘‘you’re right, there should be. as a first line of defence and without being blessed by the small science, it’s not that much of a surprise, it doesn’t make it hurt any less though, for anyone.’’ appreciative of her sympathy, even if he didn’t care much about the dead and injured himself. ‘’so you’ve only come to check on the guards then?’‘ fishing for her true intentions, guessing she’d come onto the grounds of the little palace for more than to just pray.

[somewhatambivalent]

ohsaiints​:

𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐗  𝐇𝐀𝐃  been  told  all  of  her  life  not  to  trust  those  who  come  from  fjerda  .  most  being  spies  .  and  beatrix  had  never  seen  a  fjerda  until  she  saw  the  man  before  her  .  it  had  been  like  nothing  beatrix  had  ever  experienced  before  .  she  had  been  so  sure  of  him  ,  until  he  told  her  his  truth  .  they  loved  that  he  told  them  but  now  beatrix  knew  she  could  be  tried  for  treason  ,  and  somehow  they  would  be  alright  with  that  .  she  would  die  for  him  ,  but  she  wasn’t  sure  he  would  do  that  same  with  her  .  and  that  thought  alone  brought  tears  to  her  eyes  .  

the  smirk  alone  made  beatrix  blood  boil  more  .  was  it  frustration  ?  probably  .  they  narrowed  their  eyes  ,  but  finally  they  blew  out  a  breath  .  it  wasn’t  really  him  she  was  annoyed  at  .  it  was  this  situation  .  so  much  training  and  “  guarding  ”  .  they  just  wanted  a  nice  night  ,  and  foolishly  they  had  thought  .  .  .  it  didn’t  matter  .  

and  then  all  of  their  angry  truly  was  gone  ,  and  they  felt  weightless  as  they  touched  a  piece  of  their  hair  .  they  leaned  into  the  touch  ,  wanting  their  skin  on  their’s  once  more  .  finally  they  opened  their  eyes  .  “  you  know    you’re  always  welcome  here  ,  ”  they  whispered,  moving  aside  inches  .  

at seeing her eyes water, he couldn’t help but frown, all teasing erased from his mind, concern taking its place. ‘’I’m sorry.’’ softly touching the side of her face as he said it. ‘’what’s wrong?’’ of course there could be lots of things wrong, some of which he wouldn’t be able to help her with. but the chance of lifting any pain or worries would be more than worth it, as the woman in front of him deserved to be happy, no, to have it all. times like these made him forget what she was, the only thing that mattered in these moments being who she was.

his eyes remained on her face, searching, the anger visible there worrying him even more. had he gone too far this time? was this the moment beatrix would prove what he’d been thought, that all grisha were bad?  the truth was, he was starting to believe that even if she would truthfully, he was starting to believe that even if she would it wouldn’t make her a monster, nor would he start to fear or hate her for it. as she released a breath, adrian released one of his own, unaware he’d been holding his. 

when beatrix leaned in, his eyes travelled down to her lips, putting the hand that had moved a lock of her hair on the side of her neck, fighting the urge to pull her towards him and continue where they left off, without stopping this time, hallway be damned. in the end it was her answer to his question that broken him out of it, not her moving aside. 

‘‘so are you, always.’‘ he told her, his eyes meeting hers. as a result of the mere inches of room she’d given him, his body brushed along hers as he stepped inside her room, lingering longer than needed. turning around to face her once inside.

[somewhatambivalent]

dvndelicns​:

hannes hoped they wouldn’t be a bunch of fools and took such opportunity over. it was perfect, almost as djel gave that to them — who would think that something which wasn’t able to walk on sunlight could now ? he knew it wasn’t djel’s doing, as he was the god of life and not of death, but maybe what would come after would be. unless his compatriots weren’t of hannes thought of them to be. “ it’s alright. we’re in the middle of a dangerous situation, you weren’t supposed to be thinking that. ” he was thinking that because hannes was driven by revenge. his mind was always trying to formulate plans to make the drusjes pay for what they did to his village, to his family. “ you aren’t wrong. i was joking with a heartrender about someone trying to kill the darkling today, but i never that person was ahead of me. it’s a smart move, if they’re trying to make him react. and if they’re on your side, it only makes things better. ” hannes tried to stay away as much as he could from the darkling and his guards, fearing that they could smell his lies and hate. “ unfortunately. i’m sure this thing can’t think on their own. ”

he wasn’t one to wish the death of others, but when pyotr got on his nerves, he did. hannes was used to that, people getting on his nerves — the guards normally made fun of him because of his leg, but he knew he did his job better than any of them. “ sometimes i wish i could hit him with my cane without arousing suspicion. ” he had a list of people he wanted to hit with his cane, and hannes was sure the opportunity would arrive. “ i never actually saw one. it’s the first time. ” he never needed to cross the fold, at least. that thing was dreadful, and hannes only saw a glimpse of it. “ maybe the thing have a mutation, or someone is controlling them. yes, i think we could, but i havea  feeling that we’ll have more work than usual. ” he nodded at the coordinates, and sighed relived when he avisted the door. “ we’re close, thank djel. ”

‘‘thank you, my friend. we are but we’ve also been trained to be able to handle the unexpected, to handle danger.’‘ grateful for the reassurance, yet adrian couldn’t help but be conflicted about his own words. yes they were trained to handle the unexpected and any danger, however it was completely different to actually deal with a new threat especially when said threat would be unknown. ‘‘maybe if the heartrender survived, it would be a good place to start. maybe it’s a move we should have thought of, although if this person is on our side, they did save us the trouble of doing something like it ourselves.’’ maybe they would be able to find out who did it in the end, if the person responsible resided in the little palace at least. even if the person responsible did not have the same goal, the chaos would only aid their cause. being honest with himself, he didn’t really think they would be able to move a beast like that anyway, let alone catch it. ‘’sounds like a good thing, if it could think on its own it would be a problem, a new threat to fjerda, especially if this isn’t the only one.’’ a terrifying thought, if this thing could take down drusjes without much effort, what wouldn’t it be able to do to the fjerdans?

‘‘i’m sure you of all people would be able to find a way to make it happen.’‘ grinning at hannes, picturing pyotr being at hannes mercy, the guard would deserve it too. ‘‘you’re lucky, if there’s anything that’s nightmare material next to grisha, it’s volcra and the fold.’‘ adrian envied his friend, having crossed himself once out of curiosity, never again if he could help it. ‘‘it would be good to find out if its one or both options, in that case, let’s look into it if we have time, our orders are more important.’‘ with the door now in view, seeing it almost making them reach it faster, the grisha entered first, adrian stopping hannes for a moment before they joined them, releasing him right after. ‘‘let’s talk about what to do when this is all over.’‘ 

[somewhatambivalent]

@ofgrishaes​

there was never a moment for rest since the attack, not for the grisha, and especially not for any of the human guards employed at the little palace. working tirelessly to find out who was behind it, what it was, and how it’d gotten in. not knowing the answer to the last one being the reason he’d been given a new shift after his shift for the day had already come to an end.

picking up the pace, feeling the sooner he’d be there, the sooner he was finished, adrian turned the corner, bumping into zemlya head on. he instinctively reached out, taking hold of her arm to steady her. ‘’my apologies, it won’t happen again.’’ rushing out a hurried apology, looking at the doors of the messhall behind her instead of the woman in front of him. about to rush off, he looked down, the attempt of healing her own wounds with a balm, as a non-grisha would, stopping him from doing so. ‘’what do you think you’re doing?!’’ anger clear in his voice, most drusjes after the attack had started acting more and more human and zemlya fixing her wounds herself was apparently the last straw. ‘’why haven’t you gotten this healed yet? you’re probably only upsetting your fellow grisha more, walking around wounded like that.’’ fixating on the wound, considering whether to take over or to drag her off to the infirmary himself. ‘’you’re not even doing it right!’’

[somewhatambivalent]

thesrpent​:

jedda had gotten used to ivan’s hostility  — hostily that was always masked as something else, but still, hostility at its finest. that was part of the reason why adrian’s smile and charming ways felt fake to her. she had seen them together only a few times, but that was enough for her gut to tell her to look into him.

jedda moved to shade, as she made her way back to the inside of the little palace. “a group of guards are getting rid of whatever chaos was left from the recent events i’m sure you’re aware of.” recent events, it was a way to minimize it, a way to act as if the death and destruction they had faced not a few days ago hadn’t scared her too. “it’s only a pile rubble, but i suppose they can’t even do that, since one of them injured themselves.” she took a turn around the hall, just head of them now a small group of guards could be seeing working on getting rid of the rubble. “weak hands, i suppose.” she mocked before casting her glance over to adrian.

jedda wondered if he would need gloves like some of the others. she could think of at least ten things she would rather do before seeing to the needs of the guards but still, here she was. he looks like he would need gloves, she thought before sighing at the thought of having to walk to the other end of the little palace just to fetch him some. “show me your hands.” she said as if the request made perfect sense, and to her it did. you could tell if a person had strong hands thanks to the lines and calluses. that usually meant a life time of hard work had been done with those hands and most of the guards hands looked as if they hadn’t worked a day in their lives. she thought perhaps she should explain this to him, but she remained silent as she waited for him to comply.

adrian took an educated guess, and decided to walk beside jedda, rather than behind her. even though he was only a guard, not a drusje, to him jedda seemed like the kind of person who would find it annoying if someone trailed behind them, with or without talking to them. following jedda inside dutifully, clasping his hands behind his back. he was somewhat relieved when jedda told him why she’d asked him to come with her. not that he wouldn’t be able to adapt to anything she had in store for him, he simply prefers certainty over uncertainty, especially as the life of a spy is plenty uncertain enough as it is. ‘’yes, I’m aware, the screeches and screams alone that night are enough to give people nightmares. sounds like a good initiative, the sooner it is gone, the better.’’ drusjes were a lot of things, monsters, abominations, but cowards wasn’t one of them. if the attack had proven anything, it proved their bravery, a trait in grisha he’d come to respect. presently, viewing them as monsters was becoming more difficult, they almost seemed human. especially now, as they were experiencing grief and nightmares. 

he couldn’t help but chuckle when she mocked the guards, a tiny slip up. ‘’forgive me ma’am, but guards are not exactly hired for their ability to clean and move rubble.’’ being honest with her, though adrian couldn’t help but tease a little, looking at the group of guards who’d already been put to work before his eyes landed on jedda.

was it a strange request? yes it was, yet he thinks it best not to deny her, not knowing the woman in front of him well enough to predict how she’d respond if he didn’t comply. he also had to maintain his cover, as a guard, orders were expected to be followed. with a frown he unclasps his hands from behind his back and offers them to her, a little bit worried small science was not the only ability she was gifted with, wondering how much the natural lines, calluses, scrapes and cuts revealed about him.

[somewhatambivalent]

thesrpent​:

to say that jedda didn’t like hannes would be an understatement. there weren’t that many people she trusted and the ones she did, she could count with one hand, hannes? he wasn’t part of that short list. therefor, by association neither was adrian. he hadn’t seen the two of them together that often but the few times she did had been enough for her to keep a close watch on the guard. that was why when jedda was tasked to select a few guards and supervise they removed what was left of the wreckage from the events of last night, she knew exactly who to go after.

“hey!” jedda exclaimed. the gardens weren’t empty. there were a few grisha going about their day and one of them turned to look at her, gesturing with their hands to themselves, a silent: me? “no, not you.” she mocked “hey!” she shouted this time hoping it would get the guard’s attention and getting the attention of the entire garden in the process. “come with me.”

nothing was quite the same after the attack on the little palace. while it was normal for guards to stand for long periods of time in the same spot when they were on duty, today was different. today he’d been told to guard the grisha in the gardens, covertly. guards guarded property, not drusjes. either way, he doubted he was being successful, his post located strangely out in the open, between the two areas of the garden. 

he didn’t react to jedda calling him at first, this was the garden after all, it wasn’t uncommon for fights, arguments or heart to hearts to break out here. nor did it sound like their life was in danger. when whoever the hell it was, actually started shouting, he sighed, turning towards the noise, professional curiosity getting the better of him. it could prove useful for fjerda. finding out jedda was the source, and he’d been the target, it filled him with dread. drusjes didn’t scare him, but while he didn’t know jedda personally, he’d seen enough to be wary of her. so, he left his post and approached her, turning into roman, the helpful and dutiful guard. ‘’how can I help?’’ he asked, flashing her a charming smile. ‘’as you wish, after you.’’

[somewhatambivalent]

dvndelicns​:

hannes wished they’d do that, but he wasn’t so sure. he felt that the more time he spent away from his homeland, he forgot about his origins and beliefs —like if ivan was just waiting the right moment to take control of his mind and body, making him forget why he was at ravka and at the little palace. it was excruciating to think that only in the enemy country did hannes manage to find a kind of happiness that he didn’t have at fjerda. he hoped that the druskelle would act soon and end his suffering. the fête only proved that if he stayed longer than necessary in ravka, he’d probably never come back to fjerdan lands. “ i hope so. but we’ll need to contact them about this, maybe they’ll want to act when the little palace is weaker. ” it wouldn’t be an honourable move to attack when they would still be mourning their dead, but did the grishas that attacked his village thought honour before killing his family and his people ? his father was one of the few who had combat training, the rest being older people, women and children. “ i agree with you. the darkling have more enemies than he can count. well, i think that if a grisha doesn’t have attachments to this place, it’s easier for them to attack. but i also think you’re right. ” it wasn’t his case, though. his hatred for the drusjes outweighed any fear he could have of them. 

he nodded at adrian’s words. “ i can’t stand pyotr, but i don’t think he’d be lying about that, too. ” it would be too mean, to lie about that monster. risking the lives of the entire palace wasn’t something guards should do. “ i don’t think this is something that happens normally. my father used to say that those beasts can’t walk on sunlight, that’s why they live at the unsea. but if the grishas knew a way to keep them cloistered there, i think they’d have already done it. ” everything would be better if they already did it, but as always, grishas liked to make his life miserable. if they weren’t so focused on war, maybe they could ve found a way to prevent things like that happening. but hannes appreciate adrian’s gesture, of trying to make a joke. “ then i can be at peace. ” to be a burden was hannes biggest fear — sometimes, he felt like if he hadn’t come with his father to fish that day, maybe he could still be alive. maybe his family could be alive if his father wasn’t worried about making sure he was safe. “ we’re getting close to the basement, aren’t we ? ”

perhaps it was because he had gotten so used to his fake job as a guard, following every order relayed to him, no matter if that order came from the oleg, the head of the guards or a grisha, that adrian at times, forgot how to be a spy. maybe it was the similarities. the only difference between the job as a guard and the job as a spy he’d been able to spot so far was that a spy could take initiative and be creative. hannes words reminded him of it, the job. although the reality that they could die any moment probably didn’t help matters. ‘’you’re right, I wasn’t thinking. the moment this is over we need to contact fjerda. opportunities like this are rare, I’d be surprised if they didn’t take advantage of this one.’’ while adrian knew they were more than justified in attacking, even killing, he was worried about collateral damage. but maybe during a war it was best not to think about such things. ‘’maybe the goal of the person who did this was to get the darkling to react, hoping he’d do something rash and have ravka fear and hate grisha again, they could be on our side. I agree, it would be easier for them to attack, unless someone steps forward though, we’ll probably never find out who did it.’’  their conversation made him think of fear and hate again. in the beginning adrian didn’t fear or hate drusjes, he had been afraid of his father however, who showed his disappointment with the sting of metal on his back, forcing him to join the druskelle, turning fake hate into real hate, solidified by rigorous training and the death of his sister. 

adrian couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking his head. ‘‘I can see that, it wouldn’t surprise me if he knew, he always does seem to be more annoying whenever you’re around. no, you’re right, not even pyotr would.’‘ if there was someone in the little palace who shouldn’t be a guard, it was pyotr, but life or death situations were different. ‘‘your father is probably right, I’ve never seen a volcra leave the unsea before, have you? if it doesn’t happen normally, why is it happening now? maybe we should try to find out who’s behind this anyway, if we have time to do so at least. you’re right, plenty of their own die when crossing the unsea.’‘ he couldn’t help but turn serious again, though he did manage a smile at hannes’s words, glad the joke had helped his friend somewhat. they’d just descended the stairs as they’d been talking, being mindful of hannes’s leg. ‘‘yes, we are, we should be able to see the door after we turn right at the end of this hallway.’‘