soranakahara-blog

[soranakahara-blog]

Day One

So this is day one of my attempt to write something every day. I have decided to do this to try and get some motivation to write. 

It was always my dream as a kid to be a writer and some where along the way my dreams got pushed to the side for reality and adulthood. So far I made a few note on something I have wanted to write for a long time, but I have just not had the drive to. But I have decided to stop sitting around hatting my job and lamenting in my lost dreams and do something about it.

I have decided to tell every one I know that I am doing this so that I have a outside reminder and kind of pressure to keep doing this. One of my biggest problems is that I will start something and be super into it and then suddenly I will just stop. I lose all motivation to do anything and just want to read manga and watch anime. 

So I thought I would write about my day today. 

Although it wasn't very eventful I was able to have a good catch up with a friend and tell them about my grand plan. So we met up at his place and he showed me around the neighbourhood. (He has just bought this house with his life partner and is super house proud and he should be) We had a little chat about his job interview and how thing were going with his casual consulting gig you know normal. 

He decided to take me on a tour of the are while he explained why he and his partner chose the area the chose instead of other ones and I just sat there and commented on his points. I didn't really understand what he was going on about but I wand to make it seem I did.So after a quick tour around the fairly empty shopping centre we made our way to a cafe.

I had asked if we could have Mc Donald's for lunch but he protested and said he "didn't like Mc Donalds" and in that moment I questioned our friendship.I joke.So we ordered something to eat and  I was taking to him about how I have decided to start up this blog and the fact that I am trying to "upgrade" my self in a way. He had asked me what had brought this on, and I was honest with him.

I explained to him that I was in the office acting as if I didn't have a care in the world but on the inside and that at times I felt like I was falling apart. I had told him that it had gotten so bad that at around five o'clock in the morning one day as I was driving to work, I was just driving a long when this sudden sense of dread and sadness began to well up inside me and as I was driving along the thought crossed my mind that it would be so easy just to miss the turn and crash my car.

How it would only take a few seconds and it would all be over.It was weird letting someone know that I was feeling this way some days and how it really scared me because it shouldn't be this way.

 It shouldn't right? 

As I got into the office I started googling "how to get over your depression over work" and what I found in google didn't seem to help much. 

What I found while googling was a lot of ideas the main one being leave your job and find something you are passionate about. 

 Well that is easier said than done. 

I have been looking for work and haven't gotten many call backs.The fact that I also want to move into a different field makes it that much harder. But then I explained to him that after reading a bunch more articles something hit me. Maybe I can't have my dream job but at least I can use it as an escape. By keeping a blog I have a way to practice my writing and get my emotions out.I told him about the stories I want to put up and he enjoyed some of the ideas I had.

I explained to him how lately I have had coming home and taking time to work on some of my stories and have been reading articles on how to improve my writing and have been feeling better. 

The idea of coming home after work and writing, even if its not anything special (like this). But just writing and giving it a shot has really helped my state of mind. I feel less trapped and powerless. We hung out some more had a cup of coffee and some donuts before I left. 

To be honest I never was powerless to do anything just to lazy. Who knows maybe in a weeks time I will get board of this and it will fall to the way side. Or my plan may work and by telling a lot of people I will feel a sense of guilt if I  stop and have to tell them ( because they may ask how its gong and I am a bad lair). Who knows maybe in time I will get good enough that one person will read what I write and enjoy it and then maybe another. 

"It's best not to be afraid of failure. As long as you do your best, there will be a time when people acknowledge you. Don't worry to much.It will all work out in the end.Just continue what you're doing and you'll be fine. And you will get better and better and better."-JR form Nu"EST