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hoomans

Gender, like Killerman says in his "the Genderbread Person", is one of those things everyone thinks they understand but most actually don't. That's okay; the first step to understanding starts with acknowledging that you don't understand it. 

Gender, like Killerman says in his "the Genderbread Person", is one of those things everyone thinks they understand but most actually don't. That's okay; the first step to understanding starts with acknowledging that you don't understand it. And a lot of this lack of understanding, I think has to do with the fact that for the longest time "gender" as a word has always been interchangeably used with "[biological] sex". I don't know if my experience resonates with a lot of people  or not, but growing up, "sex" was kind of like a taboo word-- I guess because the meaning is always attached the verb version, referring to sexual intercourse, which was another taboo thing (but a topic for a different discussion). So, we were raised with the idea that sex and gender are the same thing; that if you had a vagina, you were a girl; and a boy if you had a penis. This oversimplifies the complexity of the whole thing because as Killerman explains, it isn't just gender and biological sex-- there are also considerations such as sexual and romantic orientations, as well as gender expression. And this entails a very important note to remember: All of the concepts mentioned are independent of each other and may or may not be related or aligned; people may be a certain sex, but they may not identify with it, and as such express themselves through the resources available to them. Recently, there has been a rise in the number of people who openly express their non-conformity to the traditional binary labels and scripts of male and female. And I think it's good that people are promoting a more open dialogue on this matter because it's an important facet of identity. Progress as a human race doesn't just mean the invention of new sciences and technology, although those are as noble a pursuit as any. Progress also means developing a better understanding of  our complexity and variety; opening our arms wider to new discoveries about human make up . Young people such as ourselves are able to witness this development first hand-- where girls aren't just playing with dolls and dresses, and boys aren't just "being boys". Not everyone believes in this advocacy, but I would vouch otherwise because since all of this has an impact on identity development, stifling their means of expression can be detrimental to an otherwise  healthy growth.  Setting boundaries to what they can or cannot be; limiting what they can and cannot do based on just one aspect of their identity, and then ostracizing them for doing otherwise runs the risk of making them feel worthless or unneeded. Who you are and however you choose to express yourself has no place in determining your value as a person. You are still a human deserving of respect. yay

photo taken from: https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2018/10/the-genderbread-person-v4/

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nuggets of wisdom

The internet is a big space, and you can ever fully predict where you'll end up. So these are just some, and not even half of all the nuggets of wisdom internet users might like to carry along the way:

1. Be critical/vigilant Keep an eye out for things that seem sketchy. If you're unsure, use anti-viruses, malware detectors, firewalls and other similar software to protect you and your device from hackers, phishing scams, etc.

2. Be careful where you key in personal information Things like your name, age, address, contact number, passwords and account numbers are sensitive information which can be easily taken advantage of once they get in the wrong hands.

3. Always fact check Don't be quick to trust all the information you come across online, especially when they don't come from particularly reliable sources. There's an abundance of information online now that more and more people have access to it, so be sure to do a background check before re-posting/spreading information that might be false.

4. Be sensitive everyone behind a screen is just as much a person as you are, so treat them with respect whether or not you agree with what they think. No need to get violent.

5.  Intermission While the internet is definitely a helpful aid in better executing life's daily tasks, we mustn't forget the life we have outside of it. Your eyes could use some rest and so could your gadgets. so go read a book, take a nap, get back to doing your homework, take a walk.

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More time please!

In Erikson’s Identity formation theory, my psychosexual stage is the genital stage where I start to explore more of my sexuality. I identify myself as bi and am currently dating the sweetest girl I know and time just seems to fly too fast that I’ve already spent more than year with her. Exploring my interests in sexual and romantic ways are what seems to be in this stage but I could say dating guys isn’t going to happen anytime soon with this girl! =u=) Similarly, my psychosocial stage is in the adolescence stage where Identity vs. Identity confusion takes place. In the many aspects of my identity, I always feel like in the state of Moratorium represented in Marcia’s Identity paradigm; I never really have the need to commit to a certain identity but I love to explore what’s out there for me. Perhaps I should feel the need to have an identity soon to build it up before entering the real world, the world outside the confines of the buildings of my education, the world where there isn’t a set of rules, a demanding world.

But maybe my identity shouldn’t be rushed. It should be baked with time, patience and love. Like baking, its not over when its done in the oven. There’s always room to polish and decorate. Just like adulthood, I aspire to have the base of my identity complete, but still leave space for change and improvement.

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where i’m at in life

Following the flow of Freud’s theory on psychosexual development, I should be in the genital stage in which my interest branches out to people outside of my family. However, rather than finding myself developing any romantic interests toward others, I find myself more eager, I guess, to build new friendships/connections and strengthen existing ones. In terms of sexuality—this isn’t really something I have explored as much as other aspects of my life or other facets of my identity.

             Now, if I follow Erikson’s theory on psychosocial development, I would be in the fifth stage, better known as the crisis between identity and role confusion—I’ve never been hit so hard. I can’t even recount how many times I’ve changed my mind about what I wanted to be. Ultimately where I am right now is a result of my decisions, but admittedly they have been affected by the words and actions of people around me. Right now, I’m in college and very thankful. I have been exposed to a completely different environment than what I’m used to in high school; I’m figuring out what role I want to play in society. It’s honestly really confusing. I find myself in episodes wanting to be so many things and wanting to focus on just one thing. So, I can’t say I have surpassed this stage, I’m more so in the middle of the crisis of sorting myself out.

             While I’m on this note, there are other crises I find myself facing as I slowly grow into adulthood. I’m at a very awkward age—my late teens. It’s like, I’m legal so I’m technically an adult, but I find myself lacking in certain areas to completely identify as an adult. There’s also the pressure of becoming a successful adult; being “relevant” to society. There’s the conflict between wanting to succeed for yourself and needing to give back or fulfill your societal obligations.

             Undoubtedly, I want to be able to surpass all these challenges and grow into a wholesome adult. I want to be able to strike a balance between serving my personal needs and wants and those of society; be able to choose a career that I enjoy and find productive, thereby giving back to my parents and society; be able to build strong, healthy relationships with others; etc. I want to do all these things, and in order to properly grow into them, I do acknowledge these crises are necessary. And a way I guess to grasp this conflict is by seeing it as a forest. A forest is very biodiverse; it’s comprised of all these plants and forms of wildlife that live in harmony to maintain a peaceful, productive balance, but it is also this one entity. There may weather surges here and there but give the forest time and it will recover—it’s trees and plants will grow back; the wildlife will return; things will return to what they once were, sometimes even better. The presence of adversities and the forest’s ability to get past it are a testament to its resiliency. Not everyone, of course, recovers the same way. Circumstances differ; nevertheless, we’re all looking to grow from these challenges to be able to shape the best version of ourselves we can possibly be.

gif taken from: giphy (https://giphy.com/gifs/bit-pond-78y16LpwhTgje)

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For this weeks blog post, I was able to identify what and how my two (in my opinion) dominant emotions based on Ekman's Atlast of Emotions. This has helped me discover myself and the limits I set for myself.

Hopefully I am able to work on these emotions, and appreciate them more.

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ABCs of my emotions

I think it’s fascinating how much one event can lead to a series of reactions in an individual. Even if it’s as simple as being as being startled by a random sound, in that short amount that you hear the sound and realize it was maybe just a crinkling leaf, you’re able to think up all kinds of thoughts (e.g. “what if it’s a ghost coming to get me?” “kjfnvjdlsfiudhr I need to see so and so before i die”), and feel all these different sensations (e.g. faster heartbeat, sweaty palms, being sensitive to sounds). On account of my emotions particularly, I think it’s good that I’m able to reflect on them like this, in that way I’ll be able to understand myself (and maybe even others) better. I believe gaining a better awareness of myself-- particularly my emotions, will be helpful in the future in regulating them in times of extremes and simply acknowledging them when they come. :-)

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My Hybrid identities are heavily influenced by the places or areas where I grew up or usually hang around in. The people constantly vary in these places making me more aware of differences in culture and traditions. With this, my identity is split into two because of where I come from, and where I am now. I am a different person in each of the two countries, I use a different language and I act differently as well. I Without even one of these country’s personal effect towards my personality, I could not be me.

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To be honest, there’s so much more I want to put in this collage. Although that may be the case, I’ve placed the core influencers in my life; my education, my friends and my family. The key interests and hobbies I have revolve around music, art and the occasional gaming platforms (but I’m more focused out of that part in my life. To also point out, the many faces of music artists represents how diverse and open I am through other’s interests. I used this concept with the example of music; it encapsulates my parent’s taste, my friend’s and my girlfriend’s.

Throughout the many years, I take pride into molding in who I am today and in the future. I know I may not make the right nor the best decisions in life, but whatever I do, I learn and grow. Those decisions are now the people who I’m with, the hobbies I’m pursuing and the environment I’m in. This isn’t entirely my “collage of my hybrid identity.” I’m still finding myself. After all, life is but a long journey.

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Because the majority of my life was spent traveling, my identity is more so a hybridization of multiple forms of globalization rather than localization, as I didn't know what was 'local' to me. I acknowledged my dad is American and my mom Filipino, but I didn't know how they could have been different until I started to recognize 'international' culture in my schools. Whatever was the norm among all these international schools, was, what I believe to be, the American culture, or at least a westernized variant of 'international'. Then this helped me differentiate what it meant to be Filipino, whatever was special in my home, adobo, dusters, karaoke, etc... was what I saw as Filipino. But it wasn't until I started schooling here I realized my type of Filipino was sort of different; besides living as an international student in International School of Manila for 3 years, I was mainly raised as a Surigaonon Pinoy, like if I was being visited by relatives, I would always expect a styrofoam balikbayan box filled with sayongsong. I was proud of being Filipino in international schools as it was 'rare' to find because the majority of these schools' populations are Korean and locals. I'm also grateful for being American, although I have yet to know what it means to be one.

Besides separating the cultures of my ethnicity, being a third culture kid is a hybrid identity on its own; there's no real 'home' to go to when you've been traveling every so often, so whenever peers or adults asked where I was from, I'd have to ask them to clarify whether they're asking for my nationality, ethnicity, or where I was prior to moving to this country. The international culture affected me greatly, it taught me to prioritize money over passions, and fashion over kindness; this was confusing to find my place in the school, I always found myself sitting with the 'outcasts' or only sitting with one friend. In all of middle school, I sat with a mix gendered friend circle, then in my entire stay in China (all 4 years of high school), I mainly had one friend who I enjoyed exploring different foods and being close to. Every morning the jianbing stand would be rolled to the side of the expressway in front of the school, and we would squeeze our arms through the fence to pay for the meal, trying not to get in trouble by the security guards. We also discovered a great phenomenon called 'Boba', milk tea with tapioca balls at the bottom, we would buy from different stores through an app, meituan waimai, to be sure we're getting the best possible version. While with this friend, I learned to enjoy the small moments in life, I still picked up hints of the TCK international student process, I would always worry about the future and become self-loathing about all possible faults I have because I have to learn to be better than the competition. But there is no competition, and I regret adopting this mentality.

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In the briefest way I can possibly put it, my hybrid identities are influenced by the different things, people, and environments I interact with, whether that be with my family, friends, social media, school, strangers or even myself. Each one in relation to the other has some similarities and differences. Although that isn’t to say that one is any more a “true-er” me than the others. I find that they are all a part of what makes one whole me. It’s just that some choose to express themselves more, I guess, as a way to adapt to the situation. And in that continuous process of interaction, or lack thereof, sometimes I notice that some “identities” can interchange with others if the situation calls for it: e.g. even if I was with someone I barely knew, if I find something we share deeply in common, then I might be friendlier that usual. It’s rather difficult to explain, but I do find myself noticing these things when I’m actually in those situations. Kind of weird, but also interesting.

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thea.

“Who am I?” Is a familliar question that haunts me since junior year. Man is known to question themselves with doubt and curiosity. As a wandering college student, I often find myself searching for my true identity. My thoughts of fitting in filled my head wondering about "how will I act around certain people,", "where should I stay for breaks?", “what orgs should I join?”

Highschool was simillar. It had many obstacles that doubt my growth as a person. The constant pressure and rollercoasters made the days seem too hectic for taking my time to stop and think about the person I've become. Thinking my time back before the CETs, I was always too busy to take care of my health. Although this maybe the case, there were always people who surround me with constant affirmation and affection. Yes there are days where you feel as if you are nothing in comparission to the multiple talented people out there but that doesn't mean you can't be one of them unless you try. 

And that's where I am today.

Highschool was said to be the stage where you find your identity but I believe that as you progress through the daily routines, the days you wake up, the breakdowns, the joys of life. I don't believe I can truly answer that question yet.

 Until next time, Thea.

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who is sarah

It's the experiences, and upbringing that build up what one can identify as characteristics in individuals, but once asked 'who are you?' there is an apparent pattern in which the person you are asking is at a loss for words. The easiest way to get an answer to this question is to word it correctly. You can start with a 'what's your name?' or 'did you like the new Spiderman movie?', then work your way up to larger questions like 'what's your goal in life?' and 'what kind of legacy do you plan to leave behind if any?'. But it's the deep questions like those that can make one's stomach churn knowing they've shown you their most vulnerable sides already.

I'd like to think of this assignment and class as a way for everyone to open up about themselves and share their interests.

My name is Sarah and my birthdate was on May 20, 2000, which makes me 18 as of this post. I was born in Surigao City to a white, American father and a Filipino mother. I moved around a lot growing up and graduated high school in International School of Beijing. My parents and my two younger siblings live in Michigan, America. My little sister is 14 in Rockford Middle School, and my baby brother is 3 years old, taking speech therapy classes for his lisp. I have an older sister living with me and studies in Miriam.

I've been told I have a C2 proficiency level in English in the Cambridge CEFR standards, which I'm grateful for, but I have no ability to speak Filipino or any Filipino languages. The best I can do is 'gutom na ako' and other basic Filipino exclamations. Although I should be able to speak my mother tongue (as my first language(s) were Bisayan, Surigaonon, and Tagalog, which I unlearned as my dad wanted to be able to talk to us) I can speak Chinese. I've been taking Chinese classes since I was in 5th grade up till senior year of high school and I got to a Pre-NeoNative class. Too bad I won't be using this skill as often here in the Philippines.

Although I'm in a Fine Arts major, I have an interest in math and science- my first choice for a degree was CompSci, but I was accepted into Theater Arts. I don't complain too much about it, I enjoy the block I'm in.

The last time I tested for the MBTI 16 personalities I got ISFP, meaning I'm predominantly introverted. I have a preference for sensing rather than intuition to receive and process new information. The F means I let my feelings and ethical concerns and consequences become my priority, and lastly, I allow things to flow and go along with it instead of preplanning.

I like cats and dogs but I have 2 hedgehogs, a female, Pepper, and her baby, Salt. I like drawing and reading and cartoons and a guy named Victor, but I call him Mari. Of all types of chocolate, I like dark chocolate with almonds in them. My favorite plants are ones in the Pleiospilos classification, although any indoor plant would make me happy. I guess, from this post you can say I also like talking about myself; I want to try to live by J.D. Salinger’s advice from Catcher in the Rye “Don’t tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.”

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Bradly: Who am I?

We never get to really evaluate ourselves when being asked this, but with the slightest trigger, it is activated.

How does one answer this question? Do I talk about my philosophies? my facts? my given circumstances? or is it all just a mix and match of words that could make sense in order to fill a requirement?

I change everyday, I have a new goal and a new challenge, every day. It's the fact that every day I have a new goal to reach is what makes me change. It changes my perspective, my mind set, my attitude and values.

Growing up, I defined myself with astrology. I made sure that whatever the trait of my astrological is, that is what I had to be. Man, I miss being young. You forget all responsibilities on the table, how you look, or how you present yourself. You don't think of these as a kid, but I do now.

What has made me know the things I know now? It's about growing up. Facing the problems, trying to fix them, accepting pain, and learning to accept the smaller things, for the bigger picture.

By the end of the day, it doesn't really matter who we are or what we were viewed as, because we will all be non-existent soon enough. (I don't mean to be negative, but it's the truth)

This is why I believe there is a missing quality to growing up: accepting happiness. Learning how to produce it, and nourishing it, to make life even better. This is why through this blog, I will try my best to keep track on my journey, to find the key to happiness.

I have no conclusion, I have no direct train of thought, because that is currently who I am. I am unsure of the things I know, because they change constantly, but I am sure of one thing:

I am me.

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hello, i’m isabelle

Who am I?

Honestly, I don’t know. I’m kind of in the middle of figuring that out as well.

Sometimes, I think I do know who I am—I know what I like and what I don’t; I’m aware of my work habits; I can approximate how I might react or handle certain situations. Contemplating it further, however, I guess it would be more appropriate to say that I’m aware of myself, rather than I know who I am exactly—which should only be right since I’m basically an adult.

I feel like every year, I’m always asked this question at least once, whether jokingly with my friends or seriously in an academic environment like this. It’s been a few years, but I’m still unsure. And I think I’ll continue to be for quite a bit more time. Thinking about it now, I realize that I don’t really focus my energy on these kinds of thoughts unless they’re brought to my attention. And it’s only then that I attempt to recall everything that I’ve been doing so far in hopes of concluding something comprehensible from there. And while it’s not to say that I failed to know myself because I can’t come up with an answer, I do often feel that I still have a long way to go in terms of knowing who I am.

I, right now, am who I am because of everything I have experienced and, everyone I have met.  Lame as it may sound, I admit that I’m still a work in progress. I’m more or less familiar with my capabilities and how I can use them advantageously or even how they can put me in a disadvantageous situation, but those [capabilities] may change over the course of my life; I have yet to encounter other experiences, and that’s pretty much why I don’t put myself under personal pressure to readily one-hundred percent know the answer to the question [Who am I?].

It’s such a difficult question to answer when I feel like I’m many things all at once, but also just one thing. But then I guess those many things that I feel that I am, are simply parts of that one thing which I actually am. For example, I find pleasure in looking at and creating art— “creative” some might say. And though that may constitute a large part of who I am, it is not the sum of my identity. There are many other parts of me that others, and sometimes even I myself may or may not be familiar with. Regardless, they are part of who I am.

It's a lot of confusing things, and maybe that’s part of why I don’t find myself thinking about it more often than I probably should, but I find that getting to know myself is just the way it is. It’s long and tedious, especially when I try to let it all out in one post. Nevertheless, I find myself doing just that when I simply live and experience things as they come my way. I could probably realize something about myself tomorrow when I go to get coffee or something. But yeah, that’s it for now.

Have a nice day :^)