soullessalready

[soullessalready]

23 July 2023

Okay so this will be the last post (romantically) about Mr C because I’ve concluded it is platonic. I trust my gut feelings and it’s telling me all the signs that he is seeing me as a friend with common interests only. It’s not as bad as it seems, the connection is real and genuine. So why not make a good friend with long lasting relationships? Peace out!

Taking a break from dating to focus on my life. I’ll be back again after I recover my energy!

[soullessalready]

1 July 2023

It has been a week since i went out with Mr C. He still send me a song once a week? But I think there’s nothing else between us, he is just not that into me. Sadly because i actually like him a lot.

It’s not infatuation or lust for the first time. I am not sexually attracted to him but he made me feel really comfortable and peace. That’s very important for me because it’s not about how I feel about the person but how he made me feel. He brings out the feminine side of me which makes me feel like a 💯 woman. I have been always loud and carrying this masculine energy with me because of my guy friends. I’m so used to that energy. I really like the version of me when I’m with him.

I read a paragraph and find it interesting, so I sent it to him. It’s about nature and nut trees which I thought he would be interested in too. I think maybe not, because his reply is kinda disappointing. I felt playful and sent him something like sarcasm to tease him, and he left me at read.

I guess that’s it? Was I being too shy or unattractive? I don’t know but l guess that’s it. He probably won’t date me again. Time to move on….

Mr C, you will be missed. My best date (for now) :(

[soullessalready]

25 June 2023

Just came back from the gym with Mr C! It was a gooooood day with him, I enjoyed it though he is quite a boring person 😂

I think our energy level doesn’t match, I’m quite high and excited but he is like very calm and chill …. Monotonous…..I was feeling abit off honestly but then I think again, just accept who he is rather than judging. Maybe he is slow to open up.

Anyway we definitely get to know each other better, talked more after this gym session. It’s quite interesting we spent 2 hours at the gym, did a core workout together and I was dying. After the gym, we went to have lunch together.

His replies and actions seem very platonic but yeah it’s okay. Let’s keep as friends then. Plus, he just changed photo on his Hinge profile means he is actively looking for others. He is uncertain about me or just seeing me as a friend.

Let’s wait for another outing again (I hope?). He definitely laugh and smile more this time.

Something to think about it. He isn’t my usual type that I would go for. If I strip off his identity and job, will I still be attracted to him? Probably not? So do I like the idea of having him or do I really like him? This is a question that has been on my mind lately.

There is something about him, I find it interesting. Just something, maybe he is shy? And I have a thing for shy guys. I don’t know but yeah.

[soullessalready]

24 June 2023

I went to a beach clean up event with a guy, let’s call him Mr M. It is considered our second meet up? I won’t call this a date but just an activity.

Honestly I don’t want to string him along because I am 100% not physically attracted to him. However, he has all the qualities that I am looking for. Let’s see how it goes but I think it won’t go anyway far. I see him a good friend to hang out because he does surfing and many water activities. These are the activities I like to do.

I can tell he is keen to know me better because he asked me a lot of questions. He seems very amazed by me also. In a way, he made me feel good and I enjoy talking to him. Same frequency and sense of humor though his laughing point is lil low.

He accepts my bared face and commented I’m good enough, pretty enough. I don’t need any facial laser treatment. It makes me feel comfortable because I can be myself but….

He doesn’t make my heart skip faster…. So yeah

[soullessalready]

23 June 2023

Okay it has been a while… so many things to update!

I was feeling quite low lately because Mr C has not taken action to date my out yet. Well early this week, he sent me a short vid with a background song. We had a lil chat and realised we go to the same gym too. He suggested checking the bar he went and gym together sometimes. I was excited for a while but he didn’t specify a date. So he kept me wondering when are you actually gonna date me out again or just gonna stringing me along. Damn I was kinda upset and thinking about my self worth/value. After talking to my friends, I decided to stop focusing on him and cont chatting with others.

The moment I doubted myself, he texted me and asked me out! He asked me out to workout gym with him! 😌 I was thrilled haha so overjoyed

In order to keep myself focused, to have a less scarcity mindset, I also went out with other guys.

Let’s start with this AverageJoe on Friday… I didn’t name him AverageJoe but he called himself that. I should have seen the red flag, a person which such name. I ignored the red flag completely and went ahead with the date. I had a leap of faith because he posted a photo of himself but plenty of diving photos. I was very interested to know his diving experiences, so yeah.

The moment we met, I know this date is not going to be good. We have a very different frequency, couldn’t even have a proper conversation. He is not opinionated like how do I get to know you if you don’t know about anything or refused to comment about everything? Oh well we were supposed to play bowling and he didn’t reserve a spot. The waiting time is 1 hour and I told him that I can’t because I gotta leave before 9pm. So I suggested to sit somewhere, like a cafe just drink water.

He clearly doesn’t want to go to cafe because there are a lot of empty seats. It is very strange but okay. He then suggested me to go supermarket and get a drink then sit on a mall bench? Lol

This is the MOST EPIC date I’ve ever had. It’s hilarious. Thank god he suggested to go home after knowing all the bench mall are fully occupied. I couldn’t be happier than that, I ended the date with a super wide smile! 😄

I honestly wanted to go back after knowing the bowling place is full. But at the same time I don’t want to hurt him by suggesting this, so stayed a bit longer and get to know him as a friend won’t kill me anyway. Rather than traumatising someone making his self esteem even lower. He is a superrrr introvert guy with very low self esteem, you just can tell. I feel sorry for him actually. What an interesting date 😂

[soullessalready]

14 June 2023 (PM)

I had a date with someone new. Let’s call him Mr M. Well he is pretty cool and active, but I’m not very physically attracted to him :(

Well the date was good and I can tell he was very into me. You just know when a guy is into you, you can see the sparks in his eyes. Yeah his eyes were like that the entire night!

We shared a bowl of açai and chatted from 7pm till 930pm. I was interested to talk to someone who is into mental health. I want to know his perspective on certain aspects but it seems that he is okay, not very opinionated. All I know is he can’t be with someone who is neurotic.

I asked him about his attachment style and whether he has healed from his past relationships. Apparently, he suspects his gf cheated on him. He seems healed but I also accidentally disclosed that I’m an avoidant. I am very scared when someone goes all out on me like love bombing or being too flirtatious. I disclosed that I have issues of opening to someone new into my life, because it might disrupt my inner peace. I asked how he protects his inner peace and it seems that he is okay to start a new relationship. Meanwhile, I realised recently that I still have trust issues after being hurt. So it will be hard for me to open up again for a person to be in my life. I need to work on this.

Okay so he is a product designer and very into skateboarding, surfing and snowboarding. It is very similar to me, I think it would be cool to hang out as friends, like a bro. But he mentioned it to me after the date that he hope he will not be bro-zoned by me. I don’t know man, I don’t feel anything with him but it’s a cool friend to hang out with.

Anyway I didn’t expect to have a second date with him again. So, I went all out shared every funny shits happened in my life, e.g. gluten intolerance else I’ll fart like no tomorrow. Oh well….. he asked for a second date lol

I think he finds me interesting because I shared a lot of my self care stuff, maybe this is something he has been searching? My values and self care align with his? We like the same genre of music also. I’m happy to go club or music festival with him but I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. Overall he seems like a good person to be with. But let’s see…I like the fact he respects my boundaries without pushing me too much. We might go for a beach clean up event next weekend! Nothing romantic for now, just platonic.

[soullessalready]

14 June 2023 (AM)

Okay so this is still about the chap, Mr C. Yesterday after the morning text, he wasn’t so responsive. So I thought yeah that’s it. My instinct was right.

Then he texted me in the evening asking me how in love i am with the set he sent me. I was screaming inside when I receive the text from him. Adorable!

He sent me a photo of him working till late night. I was like awww poor thing. Anyway cut the crap. He asked me about trance club. I shared that there’s a trance club happening on every Friday. His reply was quite a turn off by saying he is meeting friends on Friday night and will head to sleep afterwards. It’s understandable that he is tired after long working week. But I do feel that if he is keen, he would initiate another date for it instead of leaving it as it is.

My verdict is that he is not super into me but okay don’t mind to be with me. Sigh, maybe he isn’t as good as I thought.

Meanwhile my previous S partner, Mr J reached out wanting to restart our previous relationship. Hah hell no I’m not a fucking door mat, as you wish to come and leave. I was soft back then, fell for him but not anymore. Thinking about the action, he didn’t do shit for me but just receiving love from me. So I’m not giving my energy to him anymore.

I need another distraction, so I will continuing meeting new people because things will get better only. Let’s hope for the best because good energy attracts good people :)

[soullessalready]

13 June 2023

Last Sunday, C sent one of his fav songs to me, titled “Thinking of you”. I lied to myself that he was thinking about me hence he sent this song. Hah I’m delusional! Oh well, today I sent him another song, “Like you” to him. It’s a hint!

Anyway I’m pretty sure he isn’t interested in me because there was no further chat between us after him thanking me for sharing the song and sending good vibe to me.

Though there’s no progress, I am kinda okay of how it went. Acceptance is the key. I accept it and still glad that I’ve made a new friend. Appreciative ❤️

Okay back to work!

[soullessalready]

9 June 2023

The best date ever, I repeat. THE BEST. I have never met someone who makes me feel eased. Ok there was one, but that fella was love bombing me and I wasn’t aware of it. Back to this guy, let’s call him C.

He is so down to earth though he came from a very good background and education. There was no moment of silence or awkwardness. We do have a lot of common interest, which is great. The best part is we both were very open about our past relationships and issues. We both know that we need to work on ourselves. Though he wasn’t my usual type that I would go for, i think it’s the comfort and peacefulness that drawn me into him. Somehow I’m attracted to his genuine and pure personality.

He told me about his ex who acted very differently (princess syndrome) after moving here. He had many dating experiences (I assume), but his most memorable one was being catfished twice. He brought her to a fancy restaurant, specially instructed them to arrange it at a corner so they can have some privacy. He was disappointed when he saw the girl who looked totally different from the photo. Haha. He mentioned that the worst part is the girl has no table etiquette. She used fork to eat pasta only, and eat with his mouth opened. It’s such a massive turn off for him. Other than that, the girls she met are more into rave but not the music he likes itself.

We had a good chat from 9pm to 1130pm, without realising the time went so fast. He paid for my drink and sent me home by sharing a cab. I offered to split the taxi fare and he declined my offer, which I find it very sweet and gentleman of him. But some says this is basic which is very rare here.

Well the thing is I don’t think there’s any romance feelings between us. I am definitely open to explore it with him but I don’t think he feels the same. The vibe I get from him is another friend who can share the same music with only. I appreciate the connection we had though it’s short. At the same time, I’m learning to understand beautiful connections don’t need to be owned, it’s good to have it though it didn’t last. Just be thankful :)

Finally he broke the curse of my bad dates! Thank you, C for a wonderful night! May you find someone as beautiful as you (I mean your soul).

[soullessalready]

1 June 2023

This is possibly the second worst date I’ve ever had. Lets call him N. We met at a nearby bar after work. I wasn’t expecting anything, thinking just meeting a new friend.

Well he is same age as me, studied here for a few years and was in London for a few months. He seems alright in the beginning until we had conversations about our dating experiences.

He likes to complete my sentence which I find it annoying, and he thinks it’s funny when he complete my sentence like “DTF”. I wanted to tell him some of my dates think me in a certain way or might be judgmental. He then jumped in and said “like DTF”. I told him no, it’s not what I meant…

He explained many guys out there are keen in sleeping around because biologically men are built to reproduce and that’s why they are horny. Honestly, I think there’s a better way to reword this whole statement without getting to the details. Mind you, he is MBA graduate in a respectable university. I felt so disgusted especially he smirked at me after finishing his sentence of “horny”. I wanted to run away so badly but I was afraid of being rude. So I stayed on for a while.

After this topic, he then explained why he doesn’t want kids because he could never be a role model to his future kids. At this point of time, he just want to travel and enjoy his life which is understandable. He must have been studying and working hard in his early age. It’s fair as long as he knows what he wants. Right now he values freedom, not ready to settle yet but wants a relationship. His parents have been pressuring him to get married. He also told me that his brother is getting married and will definitely pop a child without a doubt. But i felt annoyance in him when he said that as if he sees a new birth as something negative. I didn’t feel comfortable again because the energy has shifted

I told him that he might changed his mind again at later stage of his life. He then said many of his friends told him the same thing and he agreed that he might change his plan again. I don’t know what to say next. It was just pure awkwardness.

Here’s the funny part about the dinner. He ordered 2 glasses of beers and I just had a cup of tea with 2 slices of pizza. He finished the entire pizza + 2 glasses of beer. He has the audacity to request splitting the bill. I chuckled and accepted it.

I’ve dated many guys before and I will always request to split the bill if we are having a fair share of food and drinks. This is my first encounter, he definitely left a bad taste in my mouth.

First thing I did on my way back home is unfollow him on my Instagram. The feeling is mutual, he unfollowed me as well. 🙈

[soullessalready]

3 June 2023

I met this guy, D after work for a dinner. There’s something about it after knowing I’m not local. It’s crazy how he makes me think he is more superior than me or others. I totally understand if you want to impress your date but you gotta know how to. The small points that he has been trying to bring out like he has cousins in Germany or relatives here and there. The way he looked at me as if I lived in a cave, never traveled overseas before. He knows nothing about me but assume I’m less than him?

It’s totally fine if he wants to wear his most expensive watch, and go crazy over watches. That’s his choice. I knew something is off during the chatting period but I didn’t take it seriously. Overall I was not really expecting anything fantastic anyway. Men are just men……

The way he walked as if he is a model, both hands in his pocket. That’s really odd… come on just be yourself I don’t judge but obviously he does!

It was an awkward dinner with him. The fake smile and laugh, tried really hard to act cool. It’s hard to believe this guy who is okay looking, 38 years old owned a house, a car and a dog still single. So I asked him about his past relationships and he refused to share much. Hah! He was hiding something but I didn’t dig further because it’s his personal privacy. So according to him, he is an introvert and going out meeting new people is tiring for him. I’m like okay I respect and thank him for going out with me.

After the dinner, he said hey let’s go for a walk. I’m like ok you mean walk me to the taxi stand? Hah… He walked half way and said let me drive you. So I asked wait you mean drive me home or to the nearest train station? He then mumbled nearest train station. So told him hey it’s okay I’ll take a cab back, don’t worry. He asked me are you sure? I’m like yeah I’m cool. Well he waited at the taxi stand with me and glanced at my home address. I wasn’t comfortable about it but I let it slide anyway. Thankfully the taxi was nearby and I didn’t have to wait for a long time.

Overall the energy from him is just very negative. I’m like a happy energy ball getting sucked out, so tiring. He is probably the most tiring date I’ve ever had to date. A day after the date, I was so tired and just want to lay on my bed, not doing anything no social interaction with people. He depleted my energy.

So I unmatched him on my dating app and deleted him from my Telegram, thinking it’s a horrible date and we will never talk again. But still out of courtesy I texted him after the dinner, thank him for the dinner and lied that i had a good time (I’m sorry). To my surprise, he replied “‘Me too :)” and continued texting me. You may think hah it’s just an introvert behaviour for acting differently in person and texting. No! The energy and our conversation are so cringey I don’t even want to continue chatting anymore. It’s all surface chatting, and it took us 4-5 hours to reply each other to a point we reply each other once a day. Lol! What’s the point. I’ve never encountered such matter before, it has always me politely telling them that I don’t feel a connection and they will respect my decision except for one. I feel that if I text him that I don’t feel a connection and no longer wants to chat anymore would bruise his ego hah. At the same time i was curious what the hell this fella wants. One thing I know for sure, he likes to be complimented. Hahahaha

We have stopped chatting for more than 24 hours! I hope that’s it, stop texting me … it’s fine 😂