soulstranquility-blog

[soulstranquility-blog]

Together through Pandemic

So, it has been a while since I have posted in here. I just wanna say that, this pandemic has taken a toll on all of us. It's all so tiring, repetitive and energy consuming. Always on your own head, feeling stuck, and again, tiring. Everyone's trying their best to keep their sanity. Stressed out over their source of income. Being patient with each other, well what can we do? We're stuck with each other, and don't get me wrong, I know that we're lucky enough to be in this position, healthy and complete, but you know how asian family works, constant pressure, questions on why aren't you successful like one of their relatives, brings you down, talks shit about you. But in the end of the day, we're still a family, and we need to stick with one another.

We need to fight this pandemic altogether, no we can't do it alone. So please please please please, wear your masks, sanitize always and social distancing. We need to sacrifice even though I know how uncomfortable it is to wear masks all the time, exhausting to wash your hands every other minute, and tempting not to hug your friends and family, but just bear in mind that eventually, we will all get through this. Together.

[soulstranquility-blog]

Blue Sky

I’ve always loved the blue sky, and that’s my favorite color as well. But I don’t know why I always have the same feeling whenever I look up at the sky, the extreme feeling of missing something but I can’t depict what it is. I feel relaxed, but there’s a hint of sadness without any reason. I’ve always felt that way even way back when I was a child.

Like when me and my whole family is away, and we’re on a vacation. I feel happy and relaxed, but it seems like I am missing something.

The same thing with life, we just keep on going without knowing what our purpose is, what this is all about, why are we even here?

Have you ever felt like there’s something missing with your life? But you’re unsure what exactly it is. 

But after all these thoughts, you’ll just go back to your old ways, because what more can you do but just to keep living. Wake up, go to school/work, hang out with friends/family, sleep. It’s all the same routine, same cycle. It’s a balance that we have to keep.

Sometimes, you can drown on your own thoughts, and you notice that you’re all alone, not only that you feel something is missing, but you feel that everything’s missing with your life, you feel like you’re nothing (which I constantly feel) but remember that if you try a little harder, you can find those missing things, or maybe you just need to lower your expectations and you will see that nothing is really missing, you just need to look.

After all, no man is already complete as it is right? ‘Cause we complete each other.

[soulstranquility-blog]

World

The world is a magical place, and we just don’t appreciate it enough for us to take care of it.

We ask ourselves, why are there people who takes us for granted. But aren’t we all? Taking for granted the earth.

Earth gives us everything, food, shelter, our very own oxygen and even our luxuries. Everything came from earth.

Kids were never really thought from the young age that we need to take care of earth, from the simple throwing your trash to the bin, or to just keep your trash in your pocket until you get home.

I was walking from work, and I walked passing by a kid with his mom. We were at the side of the church, and the kid had an empty pack of chip. There were trash at the side of the church, bags and bags of it, because everyone who passes by seems to just dump there and others, well, they specifically go there to just dump their trashes there thinking a truck every Wednesday would collect it anyways. Going back to the kid and his mom, the mom told him to just throw the pack of chip right there.

And it occurred to me, I was just like that when I was a kid, not until that I had a mind of my own when I started keeping the bus ticket on my pocket instead of folding it in until it can fit to the crack of the bus seats. And now, I’m the one advising my dad to not do that, and tells him to just give me his bus ticket and I’ll keep it until we get home.

By simply segregation and keeping your surroundings clean, I mean it’s not much but we can start with that, we can be able to give back to the one that we owe our life to.

[soulstranquility-blog]

Rainy Day

I love rain, and I can’t describe the comfort I feel when it rains. It’s like the earth is reaching out to me, soothing my heart. The dewy smell and the air that makes you feel like floating.

I remember when back when I was a kid, I never get to play in the rain, because I was weak and always sick. I remember being jealous of the smile and joy of those kids playing in the rain. I remember that one time when I cried, and my mom still didn’t allow me to go out.

My friends wonder why I always bring an umbrella but never use them, and choose to get soaked. There was this one time when a man handed me his umbrella, I just smiled at him and declined the offer.

However, as much as I love the rain, I never really liked thunder. I never liked noise, such as fire crackers and loud, thumping music. I always panic and I feel like my heart’s about to burst out of my chest. 

These defines me as a person, when I am in pain or in sorrow, I just cry it out, but I never express myself, I don’t even remember being angry to the point where I shout or talkback. I just keep it in. I just like my peace and own calmness.

And the thing that I love the most, is to cry under the rain. Because no one will be able to notice, right?

[soulstranquility-blog]

Thoughts I can never share to people I know

I’m still unsure whether I am dreaming or this is really the waking life, I felt that way ever since I was sixteen, when my light went out on the thirteenth of June.

It was Friday the thirteenth, despite of the weather being nice, everything else seem dark. It was all vivid but I somehow forgotten how that day passed, how she passed.

However, I also think that I am just making an excuse because even before that day happened, I’ve always been this way, I self-destruct, I feel like my very own time-bomb waiting to explode, but it’s been 21 years and I still hasn’t, still bottling it up.

I grew up with a small family, a happy family, or so I believed. I never thought I ever belonged in this world, I never fit in. It was all facade, to everyone, they all think the same.

They think I’m strong, because I help/ anyone who needs help. They think I’m funny, because I always make them laugh. They think I’m independent, can handle being alone, and they think that I am always fine.

Well, who can blame them? They would never think that way if I showed them otherwise right? Or if I will be true to myself and talk to any of them? For what? For them to pity and sympathize me? I know a lot of motivational things, because I also motivate other people. I’m like a go-to person when they need someone who will listen, who will understand and who will tell them to keep going, so I cant break down.

That’s why I’m letting it all out here, where no one I know will be able to read, if not, they won’t know that it’s me right?

But don’t worry, I’m okay.