sourperson

[sourperson]

I keep forgetting that “hi I’m johnny knoxville and this is a ceaseless hell of our own making” isn’t like a big tumblr meme bc it’s a screenshot from mancrushes dot com that my friend sent me once that only we know about. That doesn’t stop me from saying it every day tho.

[sourperson]

My plan to create a perfectly flat and level Kansas by moving 5,501 cubic miles of earth from west to east. It’s the ideal Kansas. Still some details to work out about rivers, roads, etc. Watch out for the 900-foot cliff bisecting Kansas City.

[sourperson]

Hello there.

[sourperson]

Hey don't cry, okay? We just found Attenborough’s long-beaked echidna, a species thought to be extinct for the past 60 years.

[sourperson]

[sourperson]

Back in 1942, when making a bad cup of tea may have been grounds for a divorce…

[sourperson]

See also, "We're in a drought; conserve water!" Meanwhile, bottled water companies and golf courses for rich folk empty the aquifers.

[sourperson]

Do not think for a moment that this admin is only going after trans folks. They are ultimately going after the whole LGBTQ community. They start small, like getting rid of a hotline option, then go BIG.

[sourperson]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[sourperson]

[sourperson]

ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

[sourperson]

i am sitting on the couch, i hear tapping on the door behind me, i turn around and see this

what do i do

[sourperson]

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

[sourperson]

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

[sourperson]

YOU HAVE ENTERED

RADICAL SATURDAY

[sourperson]

Congratulations to Brooke from Let's Not Date for winning Father's Day.