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[southsider92]

Today, I hopefully got to know a new person. In other words maybe I would call him a new friend whom I kinda had a very rude conversation earlier and I really felt bad about it.

But since we’ve made it to this very point. I would really love to take this chance to appreciate his courage, his decency and soul :)

And I really believe that is how our entire endless wars could ever come up to an end.

[southsider92]

And for a second I had this thought that life is lame. And we, humans, are the most ridiculous creatures and regardless of how humane our metrics are, we’re usless.

I really don’t get it how we celebrate peace and honor people with noble prizes for whatever virtues.

We honor people for how they can bend their legs and how tall there tongues are.

What I can tell, that we’re stupid and out of the mediocrity we live. This is stupid

[southsider92]

This is not the happiest day but maybe not the worst, but I’ve survived it all!

Yesterday i attempted suicide! Yeah I am suicidal! And it hurts to say so.

I should have been gone! But next time I’ll make sure I’ll get enough pills.

I love you honey bunny, but I am not enough.

You said so! You always say so!

I hate that I have to act like a normal human being.

[southsider92]

A story of a boy and a girl whom are in love and they just bought their future house.

It may sound like a cliche and yeah I won’t say anything else.

But this is a very happy moment and one big step towards a black box, I mean our future together.

And yeah, I just got my very first wearable blanket from Snuggs and it’s freakin warm and cozy.

Love you honey bunny,

Girl

[southsider92]

We had a home

And here’s another moment when you just a take another look whatever you had in mind and you realize that everything is different as if your entire world has multiple realities.

You might feel that you have been through an intellectual coma. You’re the center of your own world and you’re the only constant. People change. Time passes by.

Friends grew apart and you happen to cross others’ realities.

Strangers become family and family becomes people you barely know.

Skin starts to crack and hair faints. Trees grow old but mountains stay still..

[southsider92]

Here goes another BITCH 😂

[southsider92]

And sometimes, I wish I could go through my 9-5 life from a toilet view :3

Reemona

[southsider92]

Is it worth it putting a bit of your soul into what you do?

[southsider92]

A complete guide to develop a healthy soul. Come and find your type.

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[southsider92]

Highway.. to hell

That highway to whatever you wanna get or do.

So I have been living up on Mother Earth for 26 years and almost 2 months old.. and through all these years. I’ve alwalways had that one thing that I cannot reach or get, despite the nature of that thing.. and the despite the other fact of whether I have gotten it or not.. which is another aspect.

I have always had the existential question of why and how.

Why we are here, right here at this very point in time or this very specific co-ordinates of placement in terms of directions not just magnitude.. sometimes the answer is freakin hard to get but other times it’s easy,like that fact that I am here because my mother gave birth to me at that specific time so here I am.. but other times it is freakin hopeless, a hopeless opus!!

Like what I should be doing, is that 8 to 4 jon what i should be doing for the rest of this life, hoping that reincarnation is a thing and that I will get other chances to live. And that I will do my best to get the most of it..

And if you think about why here, why that place and those people, it is a bit harder, not just a bit. It’s very hard, like why I am right here on this bus and writing this shit that I won’t even have the courage to show it to anyone, I cannot fill that void.

So back to those things I never reached, starting from that third grader who had her very first crush on that little classmate who seemed to be the whole world back then.. There was no “WE” :D

Passing through the teenage years and off to college and then to life after graduation..

And still all those people I liked were just some crushed dreams. It crushed that heart, that golden heart. And now I am quoting another person who I liked few months ago. Yeah, I like another one right now, but he is an asshole :D

That is for the cheesiness..

But for the goals.

Health.. level dropping off

Weight.. Oh my!! I am over 200 pounds..

Career.. almost a junior.

Family.. family issues :D

Love.. fucked

Money.. in debt

Like

What the hell is going on with me..

But I am still keeping that spirit up and smiling

Waving and smiling

I definitely still can read people’s shit and that mended heart of mine still works

I applied for a painting class

On ve rejoindre le 8eme niveau de la langue française..

That cause I can voices, I still hear them.

I encourage myself usually, even though I still end up a big failure and binge eat whatever I see..

But at the end.. at least I am trying. I know I should be trying harder, but it is ok.

And this is me again, a wandering soul..

[southsider92]

197

For a practically fading world.. That still struggles to the very latest breathes of the nature, the pshyces and maybe the nature the soul which I still can’t relate it to a specific types in terms of having a group of souls for humans, other for animals and completely different type for the plants.. maybe and maybe not. I have no solid idea of how it works.. or if I think about that hippocampus organ and how it stores the long term memories and how some scientists have already related it to the reincarnation.. existential questions! Again? For the millionth time. That very important questions that pop up randomly or maybe in squence or to conclude your fate. You may think it is random.. but it turned out well prepared.. you keep wondering and wondering. But you will never understand the whole thing because, this is how we are fully designed; yet to have a bit higher capabilities of thinking instead of speed or muscular bodies..

Apart from that all, I kinda felt.. No it is not kinda, it is actually and for sure that I felt mesirable the night before pouring my feelings out into this thing.. I felt insecure about myself..for the millionth time?? I asked and I answered myself, yes for the millionth time and seems like it’s not gonna stop any soon..

It was that day, when a good friend told me we need to talk about something personal and that he would call me back later, after work.

Note: overthinking freakin deprives you of enjoying how good life sometimes become.

Back again, it was the world cup final, the awaited French Croatian Match, And of course, I cheered for France, but it was the very same moment that I was deprived of ‘ le bonheur’ and it really sucked!!

It was the same hour, that I thought that there is some as*hole, standing out there waiting for the pleasure of hearing my voice or even coming across me in some corridor of that olf fashioned building.. I even thought about that one that I cannot help myself of thinking about and if he would react to it.. and if that MrIdontknow is someone that logically and mentally suits me or not, I also tried to guess who he is, and I day dreamt him and we fought hard, because it doesn’t make any sense to message me through someone else.. he should have reached me directly. Or as I thought. But it turned out that it wasn’t about me that whole time,,

And to be honest, I think he is lame and I got to know his name, I stalked him and he is certainly a cliché and very normal person, a mediocre man.. certainly not my type.. but why the hell I wasn’t good to go about, and I kept asking myself whether I was not good enough and at the very time, I still think he is lame. He is lame that I would have rejected him on the spot and afterwards mothet would have become angry because I let a chace fly! But maybe the question is, Am I lame, that that mediocre person would not even notice my presence..

Am I agrressive or don’t look good.. I don’t know..

I need freakin answers..

I couldn’t sleep at night

And I kinda realized that I might really end up on my own, which is not bad.. but I certainly need to strengthen up and to be ready..

That’s all for last night and this is me again wondering and wondering

[southsider92]

Hey, this is me again from the couple of minutes to midnight zone.. saying hi or hello or whatever.. I am just here again to write something..terrible.. I would say.. or I don’t know, but this me again for the millionth time probably escaping the reality.