soymilkandtoast

[soymilkandtoast]

Dear Serah,

It’s currently 1 am and I’m sitting in bed writing this letter to you in hopes that you still use tumblr and will eventually respond. Maybe I’ll even send you an email we will see...

I have a double bed. For the last three years I’ve been sleeping on the right side near my door. As much as I’ve tried to move around,sometimes in the middle, sometimes on the left, I’ll wake up in the morning only to find myself in the exact same spot...on the right...by the door. Double beds are too big but then twin beds are too small. So I bought pillows, 10 of them ( I may be a minimalist but when it comes to bed comfort I am very much a maximalist) and would stuff half of them on the left side before I slept. I don’t know why I’m telling you this but I feel like it’s something you should know about me.

It’s almost summer and those little annoying black flies have been swarming all of Toronto. I went for a walk yesterday since there’s not much to do during ‘the lockdown lockdown lockdown’. Mark and I stopped over at the LCBO and he got super excited to find some raspberry white claws and announced that we were going to be ‘basic bitches’...which I’m totally down for..always! We also went to Popeyes and got their spicy chicken sandwich that everyone kept hyping up last summer. Whenever I think of ‘Popeyes chicken sandwich’ it takes me back to Nikocado Avocado’s breakdown inside of his car . If you haven’t watched it, I truly recommend it...it is a work of art. How did he perfectly time the rain and his tears? Who knows! But anyways, I digress...Um, to summarize it was a very short walk and we soon gave up because he ate some flies and started to get tired from having to swat millions of them away. Our goal was the beach. We were not close to the beach.

Instead, we walked back to mine and drank on my porch, while watching the neighborhood raccoon who lives in the tree at the front of my house attempt to climb down. Mark kept waving at him and making eye contact and I was afraid that raccoon would assume that it was welcomed into our party of two. I mean, after yesterday’s show I have a newfound respect for these trash pandas and have lovingly named the one outside my house Pankush. Assuming that this person will never see this post, I feel like it’s safe to say, yes I named it after a very specific someone and yes because they both share the same sentiment. Anyways, toodleloo write soon! tata!

-Karen

[soymilkandtoast]

The date I went on Tuesday night started off okay as most generic dates do and then ended terribly as most of my dates do. I found myself standing awkwardly in said guys walkway waiting for my uber while he awkwardly watched me from his doorstep. NOTE TO SELF: never date someone who doesn’t vote....and listens to Joe Rogan. Major red flags.

Anyways date went bad but the brownies i baked were good so I guess the two cancel out and it wasn’t as bad.

It’s 2am and I decided to eat some leftovers from Christmas dinner and now I can’t sleep.

[soymilkandtoast]

this.

when i say “i hate men” im not talking about every individual man in the world, im talking about men as a social class, but if youre the kind of man that gets offended when i say i hate men then i do, specifically, hate you on an individual level

[soymilkandtoast]

A Really Old Draft.

I've just been indulging on this meticulous calm that life has finally sprung out at me. -----if that didn't sound too cheesy or cliche that's my excuse. Yesterday on the bus, the older lady sitting beside me taps me on my tanned thigh and goes: 'do your nails tonight. A pretty girl like you shouldn't have nails like that.' I looked at her and gave a half smile, then I looked down at the remnants of my black nail polish and wanted to roll my eyes. What happened to beauty is subjective? Yes, I've been a little lazy to do my nails. But didn't I just say that I've been indulging on this meticulous calm life is giving to me right now? Has beauty standards been reduced to the state of someones nails? Will boys look at me and go: 'She could be pretty, but look at that chipped nail polish on her thumbs.’ Because really who cares? Mind your own business lady. 

[soymilkandtoast]

[soymilkandtoast]

Hi Tumblr.

Long time no see. It’s been what? Almost 3 years? In between that time, I’ve opened up a tiktok, half-heartedly started a youtube channel (which I haven’t uploaded on in almost a year..because..commitment), and  am currently going through a globe wide pandemic with the rest of the world. Saturn and Jupiter are in conjunction and they say it’s good to start something. Start anything! All good things come to those that send out * good vibes* to the universe.

My anything is you.

I’m baking fudge brownies in the oven. Oh yes. I bake now too. There’s something so calming about frothing eggs and melting chocolate that distracts you from the shooting back pain you’re currently experiencing. A reminder that you’re not as young as you once were and these are just growing pains. Except, you’re not growing you’re just old. 

1/2 cup of flour

3 eggs

1/2 cup of butter

1 cup of dark chocolate

1/4 cup of cacao

a splash of vanilla extract

and some salt

Froth your eggs and sugar, melt you butter and chocolate. Mix  flour and cacao. Pour in brownie dish and bake for 30 minutes. 

[soymilkandtoast]

Serah

I’m at that age where heartburn is now a constant in my life. 

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed during lunch and was suddenly overwhelmed with this sadness. I think I experienced “FOMO” as you youngsters call it for the first time. That fear of missing out which I thought was just a myth is actually real and has now become a constant in my life as well.

Karen.

[soymilkandtoast]

So picture this,

 It’s a Monday night, and I’m in the frozen section of Whole Foods staring at the non-dairy ice cream and contemplating whether I should purchase sea-salt and caramel or the Tofutti cuties in the refrigerator next to it. Eating an entire tub of vegan ice cream doesn’t feel as terribly guilty as eating an entire tub of regular ice cream and then realizing you’ve eaten the entire tub and watched two seasons of friends in one sitting. I’m wandering the aisles with cruelty-free blush in one hand that is 5 shades lighter than my skin tone, but obviously would not realize this until after I’ve come home and swatched it on my right hand. Frantic, I find the receipt and read up on the exchange and return policy and thankfully return the next day with not one but TWO boxes of ‘wild-rose’ blush. There’s just something special about the flecks of gold in the tiny container.

[soymilkandtoast]

Lou Schoof for Co Fall/Winter 2016

[soymilkandtoast]

[soymilkandtoast]

porcelain teacups and palettes to match my mood

[soymilkandtoast]

Vija Celmins “Ocean Surface”, 2006

[soymilkandtoast]

[soymilkandtoast]

Good Morning!

 Today is your day off! Brush your teeth so that you can eat last nights’ pizza! while you’re at it smear some Sriracha on it you filthy animal! Because why the hell not?! It’s 2017 you’re a grown ass woman, you’re still wearing your pizza night shirt from days ago and you’re feeling yourself. It’s breakfast! Do what you want.

 This boost of self confidence is what will get you through the day.

 So here you are, back in bed, a tummy full of half eaten cheese pizza from Metro and hair still in last nights curls/waves. You.feel.amazing. Fancy enough to watch makeup gurus paint their faces and then attempt to copy them. Key word: ATTEMPT, but disgusting enough to not leave your house..for the next 3 hours.  You just ate half a cheese pizza before 9am! You haven’t even showered! You beautiful monster.

 Anywho, you’re currently on your quest to find the perfect winged liner on youtube, and happened to stumble across  the opera in the Fifth Element and may or may not consider trying to copy it. “ I wonder if I can reach those notes?” The obvious answer is no but you’re amusing myself.

[soymilkandtoast]

drinking grown up things, because...well I’m 26.

[soymilkandtoast]

Hi!

Being a modern woman in the digital age and having gone on my fair share of Tinder dates, I believe I now have  it down to a science . In my quest to find my internet Romeo I've conceived an unprecedented list of do's and don'ts that I strongly and whole-heartedly follow. Think of it as my own personal Romantic Manifesto that I'm sharing with you. You may pass  this along with other Tinderella's if you wish.

1.  The Date should last for exactly one hour. If you find that you are enjoying this person's company keep it to one and a half hour maximum so as to not make things awkward. Set a timer on your phone if you have to. 2. Never buy an entree to avoid spending any excess time eating. If you have to get food just keep it to appetizers and nibble on them for the duration of the date. 3. If they have a glass eye you were not aware of before initially meeting don't stare directly at it. 4. Also, if they have a wonky eye that doesn't look directly at you. Don't stare at it. 5.Buy a few more alcoholic beverages until you convince yourself that this is a normal date scenario, and that you're suddenly okay that he laughs like Goofy. You're laughing along with all his terrible jokes! You've also finally found an appropriate spot to look at (his forehead)to not make him feel awkward.  No but seriously. Buy some drinks. Do it. 6. Bring a friend. 7. Have a friend nearby to help you out if you need an emergency escape. Oh they texted you with the  sudden need for some  Wonderbread?! It's urgent and YOU have to get it immediately! 8. Be sympathetic that you have to leave and say your goodbyes. But never suggest a second meetup. 9. On your walk down Church, wonder why date suggested meeting up at a gay bar. 10. Wait for friend to finish up his dinner around a corner, away from public eye sight just in case your date decides he suddenly needs some wonderbread too.

I hope you find this helpful, in any case you ever happen to find yourself in these situations.

[soymilkandtoast]

Dearest Serah,

 I have a tumultuous relationship with the coffee machine at work. More complicated than my 2 year whatever you liked to call it with my beloved Nsakshu.  You would assume that since I’ve been a barista for over 5 years that a simple generic coffee machine would be easy to operate. Just fill it up with water and filtered grocery store coffee and press start!. But sadly that is not the case. By the time I figured everything out (I just pressed different buttons in random sequence until it did something) 20 minutes had passed and there were coffee grinds on the floor, the sink, and inside the cupboards, while I’m there running around pulling plugs, and almost ugly crying from the mess. It looked like a war zone and it left my supervisor shocked when he walked into the kitchen distraught, mouth agape and wide eyed.

  I just wanted coffee, and I just wanted to do a nice thing and bring my coworkers some liquid heaven with just a smidge of milk downstairs.

 Oh my beloved Nsakshu, my muse, The love of my life, the fire of my loins! (I’m slightly  being sarcastic) We had a very complex relationship and til this day I’m still confused as to what it was. Were we? or Weren’t we? What were we? I will never know. I hope he will never stumble across this letter and read what I’m about to admit, but if he does, Nsakshu, I’ve written about you. Or maybe I’ve written a very romanticized version of you I’ve created in my head. Regardless, I’ve written about you and I lied that time you asked me. But I actually like the version of you I’ve created better than who you actually are. I feel like he’s a completely different person, less selfish, more soft, knew what he wanted, and could possibly be a protagonist of a Harlequin novel I should start writing, because why not? It’s 2017! So thank you for coming into my life and unknowingly becoming my inspiration months after we stopped talking and ceased all contact. LOL.

 Speaking of writing, I’ve been trying to write more. To be a good writer, they say you must write everyday. Read more. Practice. Etc ..etc.. so I write on basically anything I can get my hands on, and somehow found your inbox as a source for this. So I’m sorry in advance.  I’ve been trying to read a variety of things to ‘improve’ or whatever… Also, I think you need to update your blog more regularly.

 Karen.