sp4cepunisher - Tumblr blog

[sp4cepunisher]

training wheels.

this is an old draft that i wrote a long time ago, about ellie using the strap on you for the first time. ♡‧₊˚

warnings: strap on sex (r!reciving) , first time , praise kink (for both) , soft and loving dom top!ellie , sub bottom!reader , cock grinding , thumb sucking .

──★ we have to make it clear on the fact that ellie was so unbelievably thrilled, yet so incredibly tentative when she first fucked you with her strap on. she’s been waiting for it, waiting to be the one claiming you from inside. she’s had it sitting snuggly in a box tucked below her bed for a while now, and she’d always eye it, have some sort of stare down with the black box. should she? or should she not? she wondered, but when three of her fingers were scissoring inside of you and you muttered that “please, d- deeper” she knew that fuck it — she should.

──★ so expectably, the first words that came out of her quivering lips when she aligned the silicone shaft with your sopping entrance, were “are you sure? i need to know you want this, please”, and you — being so eager yet so timid, only responded with two fervent nods. clearly, it wasn’t enough for ellie, in fact, it wasn’t enough at all, so her voice got very stern all of a sudden. it was that tone she only uses when she’s commanding someone to do something on patrol, when she’s directing someone on where to go, or showing them how to polish a precious weapon. it carries a deepness to it, raspy, it’s strong and forceful, nothing that falls short of intimidating. it's a different side of ellie, one that you don't know quite as well. “use your words, m’not doing this unless you use them”, and when she notices how you thickly gulp, huffing out a shaky breath from your nose, she soothes you with a delicate kiss on your temple. you whine, that kiss makes you want more. as soft as it may be, it makes you buck your hips inwards and let go of a needy high pitched moan. ellie shushes you with her sweet “i know babe, i know” — and you know that she knows, so why won’t she just put it inside?

──★ perhaps it’s the need to affirm herself that you do want this, or maybe it’s this greed she holds and the yearning to hear you say it. she’s looking deep into your blown out eyes, your dark irises, nods her head twice and waits for your words. meanwhile, whilst she waits, she slides her thumb down to caress just above your clit. she’s circling your skin with a touch to soothe, or perhaps signaling you what she’ll do when it’s inside, she'll never neglect your little button. when you look down, she hums. “words, mhm?” she murmurs. you can tell she’s all tensed up, fighting the urge to just slide it inside because she knows she can, she knows you need it by the way your chest heaves up and down, and by the way there’s a small puddle of slick that formed on the flimsy bedsheet below. moreover, she has prepared you for it, first with her skilled tongue, then with her skilled fingers. “want it, i need…” you whisper, voice airy yet cracking. ellie removes her finger from your pelvis, brings it up to your cheek and caresses softly. “need what, pretty girl, huh? need what?”

──★ truthfully, you don’t really know how to call it, she’s never really referenced it by it’s name, just called it a “thing” you “might need” when she realized how eagerly your hole pulls her fingers inside, and squeezes like she might run away if you don’t. so when you see the deep, dark purple shaft (with two distinct veins on the side) you simply giggle out of inexperience, and a tinge of embarrassment. ellie smirks, looking down at you, then grins with her eyebrows arched up in amusement. “ellie… i dunno, uh, how to call it… i mean —“ and she stops you mid sentence, smacking your lips softly with hers. she chuckles, matches your giggle even, a deep blush appearing on the apples of her cheeks because fuck — what if you laugh, what if you don’t like it, or what if you don’t want to use those dirty words she likes calling her silicone buddy by. “uh… shit babe, it’s, well you can call it…” she stammers, now attempting to stifle her laugh. you look up at her and form a tight line with your lips. your chest’s heaving and stifling giggles because fuck it, she’s cute when she’s embarrassed, and how fucking precious is it that you can laugh with her even in a moment like this. you cunt can ache for her and you can still be silly together and giggle like kids because you trust her and she trusts you.

──★ she buries her face in the crook of your neck, groaning yet giggling and nearly falling on top of you. when her hips slightly buck down, in result of her laughs, the silicone shaft grinds itself up against your slippery slit, and you whine her name so loud her giggles stop like she’s been hit on the face with a rock. now, you can hear her harsh breaths in your ear, loud with anticipation and want, lips resting on the pulse of your neck. she realizes you must fucking love the grinding of it all, so she moves her hips back and forth to grind up against you some more. “uh huh, like that?” she murmurs, and to every whimper she responds with a groan like she can feel it, like she can actually feel your greedy wet lips wrapping around her. she nibbles on your earlobe, making you shiver, and breathes deeply before speaking into your ear. “fuuuuu” she gasps and it’s breathless, like she’s trying to form actual words but they only come out as muffled gibberish. she breathes again, gaining her courage. “my cock… say you want my cock”.

──★ it really is lewd, “her cock” — as if it’s hers, attached to her, as if she can feel it. it makes your tummy tie in knots, makes your throat feel clogged, your breaths come out harsher and bordering on wheezing before you murmur those words. when the mushroom like tip bumps up against your clit, it’s oh so delicious and fuck it — you want, as lewd as may be, you need her cock. “i want your cock, ellie, inside” you cry for her, and she nearly growls in your ear. although it’s bordering on perverted now, she asks you a simple “inside where?”, it makes you hiccup against her skin, and you don’t even realize she’s smiling so bright inside the crook of your neck. she understands that if she eggs you on, you will fucking say it, so she repeats with a raspy; “c'mon, where?”

──★ when it becomes crystal clear to you that unless you voice everything out; she won’t give it to you, and you’re practically clenching in and out over nothing — you whisper “need… ellie, i need it in my pussy, please, please, please” and god, she nearly regrets making you say it because she might burst inside her boxers if you keep begging for it like such a needy girl. she takes a moment to think about it, needy, needy, needy, needy for her, for her cock — needy for her to fuck you, needy for her inside and christ sake you’re begging and she didn’t even ask you to. you’re feeding her ego with every plea, with every quivering breath and you don’t even know it. meanwhile, whilst she’s busy thinking about how to pull back on her goddamn nearing on untouched orgasm, she doesn’t even realize your hand is wrapped around her dick and you’re nearly pushing it inside. when she sees it, she nearly goes cross eyed. she grabs your hand and pushes it up, chasing your eyes with hers. “what are you doing, huh?” she drawls, affirming her dominance with an iron grip on your wrist. you’re actually helpless, caught in the act, wiggling your hips and rolling them upwards. “p-please, ellie!” you beg, and the knots inside ellie’s own stomach feel like they’re tightening more and more they might break like glass. she wraps her own hand around the shaft and nearly pushes the tip in. you wince — and to that ellie shushes. “look at me, jus’ look at me”, and how can you not? she looks so adoring, a squiggly smile on her lips when she realizes the tip damn near slipped from how soaked up you are. the actual noise it makes, moist and sticky, makes ellie whimper out your name. “y’hear that?”, she murmurs and of course you can, in fact it makes you embarrassed but she praises you once more, making the embarrassment nothing but a fleeting little feeling. “sounds so good baby, s’all for me?” — all for her.

──★ she pushes the tip inside, no longer gripping your wrist above your head, intently guiding it to hold her wherever you want. you decide on one hand on her bicep, the other one on the back of her neck. there’s a pinching pain inside of your cunt, but it’s so fucking delicious because it’s her thats creating it — that when you wince it comes out as more of a blissful moan and a gasp. she won’t let you suffer, not for one second more, so she slides her hand down to caress your clit as she pushes more inches in. “mhm, ‘s, ‘so good baby… you’re so good, doin’ so good for me, you got this… yeah? i got you” she’s rambling, searching and scanning your face for any sign of pain or regret, and when she catches that you’re smiling, actually smiling with a tear shedding from your eye, she moans so loud you have to seal her lips with yours or else the whole town of jackson might hear.

──★ the more inches she slides inside, the more ellie lets loose of her gritted teeth. her mouth goes slightly agape, “stay open for me, jus’ like that, fuckyou’resogood” she croons, still circling and toying with your puffy clit from below. your thighs are nothing but trembling and shaking like jelly, body, flesh and brain turning into mushy pink and ellie shaped goo, and the fact that she doesn’t stop with her praising and sweet nothings, repeating how good you are, how brave, and tight — makes your heart flutter inside of your chest. when all of it’s length is finally inside of your gummy walls, she lets it sit there for a few faint moments before she begins thrusting. “just for me, got that? just for me, this is mine, all mine” she murmurs more to herself than to you, but you make sure to affirm her nevertheless. “m’yours, please ‘mo— ‘more”, you’re begging for that sharp friction, for that movement, but ellie needs to treasure this moment so she simply looks down. it’s all inside, it’s her cock that’s inside — claiming you, so she marvels, examines and thoroughly looks at your pussy clenching on her dick like it’s a goddamn work of art. if you squeezed down on her fingers like they might run away, the squeeze you have down on her cock — “god damn” she whispers, might need to take a picture and fucking frame it. finally, she catches your pleading gaze. “gonna move now, babe, c— can i move?”, and you whine, because it’s beginning to feel unfair, so she connects her lips with yours and slides her hot tongue inside. she breaks the kiss, grinning like she won the apocalypse lottery. “mhm, gonna move, gonna give you what you want”

──★ at first, she thrusts agonizingly slow like a snail. moves her hips backwards and doesn’t slam it fully inside, lets the tip hang nearly outside of your entrance and then slowly but deliciously slips it in again. you wail, actually wail for her to go deeper, and it clicks in her head when you scratch her back in a way that makes her hiss. she bottoms out fully, moving backwards and then slides inwards again. she won’t stop looking into your goddamn eyes, then stares into your lips that are now “o” shaped. she’s flushed and she’s biting her bottom lip so hard it might draw blood, but then she asks you “t’feels good?” and doesn’t add that cocky “huh?” that she loves to murmur when her fingers are the ones your cunt is hugging, because she actually needs to know. “mhm, good ellie, you’re so good to me” you praise, which sends ellie into a goddamn frenzy — eyelids fluttering and falling heavy as a deep, throaty chuckle escapes from within. “god fuckin’ damn, how did i even…” then she slams it again, which makes both of you gasp. her right thigh shakes, “fuckin’ get so fuckin’ lucky with you?”, she wont stop cussing, slurring up her words and misplacing her “fucks” and her “fucking”s. the louder your moans get, the braver ellie grows, pumping her cock harder now, milking every thrust and every whimper, “who’s f-f fucking you, hm?” she asks, and her thumb neglects your clit but you don’t even need it anymore since she’s giving it to you so good from within. her digit meets your face, caressing the corner of your lip, which makes you take your tongue out and ellie realizes you want it inside as well. you seem to want everything inside, huh? she thinks. her cock, her fingers, her tongue, her goddamn thumb. she complies out of want, curiosity, how slutty would you look sucking on her finger. admittedly, she’s had dreams about it, about you; bent down on your knees sucking on a popsicle in july, sucking a lollipop as she watches from above. she gazes at your cheeks hollow in as she slides her thumb in and out, but you bite it and she gasps — keep it inside cause you’re about to suck it, then she loses it entirely. “you’re fuckin’ gonna make me fuckin’ cum” she whimpers, she says it like she's scared, like she's surprised or confused because heavens how could it be possible?

──★ knowing that you were about to make her cum untouched makes the coil in your stomach nearly snap. you're prideful now, but your pussy feels like it’s quivering so much you simply don't know and can't grasp on how to be cocky about it like she does. another praise escapes your lips, "love your dick s-s- so so much", and ellie growls, she feels depraved and sick, absolutely pussydrunk and on the verge of a heart attack. her rule, however, is that she cannot under any circumstance come before you do, so she speeds up. grabbing both of your cheeks with her hands, she squeezes them together and coos. "you're gonna cum for me" she commands, so your eyebrows furrow together and your eyes close shut. she's dominating you to the verge of tears, so when ellie tells you to cum, you will do as she says. "g, g- gonna cum, it’s, s'-so much" you warn, absolutely breathless, toes curling inside of your socks.

──★ you could call her delusional or crazy, but when you nearly reach your orgasm, she feels your walls hugging her tightly. fortunately for you, ellie is nothing but talkative. it may be odd, because she’s not much of a blabber mouth, but when she’s inside and you’re being fucked out on her strap, talking you through it is all she seems to wanna do. “can f-feel that little pussy hugging me, fuck, gonna give me a big one? pretty girl? give ellie a big one, c’mon”, she’s relentless with it, fast and chasing her own high, not knowing where to goddamn look — your eyes that scream “i love you” or your pussy that’s begging to be filled up some more, or maybe your lips that are covered with drool. she settles however, on your eyes. you nod profusely, “gonna give it to you… mhm” you hiccup, which ellie deems as nothing but so fuckin’ cute, to the point where she wants to break you in half just to hear that “cuteness” some more. when your eyes roll back to the top of your head, cunt filled to the brim — ellie swears something to herself. she’s gonna fuck you every day. if humanly possible, she would have fucked you all the time. so you give it to her, a real big one, one that leaves you paralyzed, not even moaning — sweet sticky mouth fully agape with a choked up scream of her name. she wants to warn you that she’s about to cum too, but you’re too quick to notice. “cum for me, ellie” you beg in that sweet voice of yours and she cums with a huge , lovey-dovey, cumdrunk smile plastered across on her face.

──★ when you’re done, she cleans you up with a wet towel and kisses you everywhere. then — “i picked up a new book and it has a bunch of pics of cool bugs, y’wanna see?”. you’re fucked and in love.

[sp4cepunisher]

you never post anymore 😵‍💫😵‍💫

well i can’t say that lately i’ve had the most inspiration a writer can wish to have, but here’s hoping for something soon now that autumn is coming 🤝🏼

[sp4cepunisher]

When Ellie gets a green light she's such a good flirt.

[sp4cepunisher]

Can you write a soccer!ellie x fem!reader where It’s fluff before Ellies game and then her team loses and she fucks you roughly after out of anger? <3

soccer!ellie x fem!reader

warnings: dom!ellie, sub!reader, fingering (r receiving), strap usage (r receiving), fucks you in her soccer tshirt, slight dacryphilia, spit, slight spanking, reader wears a skirt, 18+ MDNI

author’s note: firstly i am SO SORRY this took me a million years to get to but i hope you still love it. sporty ellie whether it’s soccer, volleyball, hockey, whatever makes me soooo hot and bothered like wow lemme munch on that (not to mention all the sporty ellie fanart ??? makes me weak in the knees every time)

no one could deny that ellie was hot as fuck, especially when she was playing soccer. the way she moved so quickly and strategically. the way she’d stride along lifting her top up to wipe sweat from her face, exposing her abs. all the girls at her games fawned over her but you were the only one she ever gave a shit about. she loved looking up at you in the stands and seeing your pretty smile as you looked at her, giving her a little wave or even mouthing an “i love you.”

it was about ten minutes before the game was about to start and you were currently standing before her, cupping her face whilst her hands securely held your waist that adorned one of her soccer shirts.

“you’re going to be amazing, baby.”

“always am when i’ve got my little good luck charm cheering me on.”

you smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her lips before you felt a towel come flying at you both.

“williams, we’re on in five, keep it in your pants,” the coach said.

ellie rolled her eyes at them, throwing out a “yeah yeah, i’m coming” before giving you another quick kiss and squeeze on your waist.

“i’ll see you later, baby,” she smiled, licking her lips.

“good luck.” you stole another quick peck before scampering off, ellie eyeing you up as you left.

you watched intently throughout the game. it was very back and forth with who was in the lead and with only two minutes to go and ellie’s team a few points behind, you were getting nervous. you could see it in ellie’s face too and the way she paced with her jaw clenched.

soon enough, the buzzer went indicating the game was over and ellie’s team had lost. you could see her and her teammates all hugging and patting each other on the back and mumbling things to each other and you braced yourself for dealing with a pissed off ellie later.

you were now at home after ellie had showered and changed in the locker room and she had ranted about the game for the entire drive, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the steering wheel. you had mostly just been listening, sensing that she needed to get the frustration out of her system. well, ranting about it was one way but you could think of some other things that normally helped.

whilst she was slumped in a chair, arms folded across her chest and an aggravated pout on her face, you stood behind her and started gently massaging her shoulders.

“sorry about the game, baby. there will be others.”

“i know but doesn’t make it any less fucking annoying.”

“you were still amazing out there.” you continued rubbing her shoulders comfortingly.

“we should have fucking won,” she grumbled, bouncing her knee in irritation.

you leant down to kiss her temple gently and left more soft kisses down towards the curve of her neck before leaving one behind her ear and whispering.

“wanna use me to feel better about it?”

something in her must have snapped because she then shot up from her seat and grabbed your arms to pull you close, her own arms trapping you against her. a tiny smirk graced her features.

“oh yeah? that’s what you want?”

“that’s what i want,” you spoke quietly, your hand gripping her hair to pull her closer to you.

she hungrily kissed you, her hands exploring your entire body as she pushed you towards your shared bedroom. she ripped off her hoodie leaving her in her wife pleaser before pushing you down onto the bed. you whined a little as you bounced with the impact on the mattress. she looked down at you sitting on the edge of the bed, like you were her prey and she was starving. your skirt had bunched up a little, giving her a peak at the skimpy red underwear you had on. she shoved your legs apart and admired the wet fabric, chuckling to herself before using her other hand to grip both your cheeks between her fingers and kissed you, her hot open mouth on yours. she teased your clit through your underwear with light strokes.

“i think you kinda like the fact that we lost,” she taunted.

“no.” your voice didn’t sound very convincing.

“you sure? sure you don’t like it when i take my anger out on you like this?” her fingers pressed harder against your clit. you couldn’t find the words to say.

“speak up, baby.”

“i-i-fuck ellie, i like it.”

she smiled smugly to herself. “good girl.”

she started to peel your underwear off your legs, a string of cum breaking as she pulled it away from your aching cunt.

“you gonna let me do whatever i want with you?” her finger toyed with your hole.

“please, ellie,” you tried to nod, her grip still holding your face.

she shoved two fingers all the way in and her pace was immediately relentless. you cried out as she fucked into you, the tips of her fingers hitting that spot every time.

“so fucking wet for me, pretty girl, and i’ve only just started.”

you let out a squeaky moan as you already felt yourself wanting to close your legs but you resisted. her hand on your face slid down to pull the soccer top up, exposing your tits. she pushed the fabric towards your mouth indicating for you to hold it in place so she could squeeze your boobs, pinching your nipples occasionally.

“i think you can take another for me,” she said as she pushed a third finger inside.

your arms grew tired from holding yourself up but you pushed through it as she suddenly got down on her knees and spat directly on your cunt. you both watched as it dribbled down over your clit and got caught in the rapid movements of her fingers fucking in and out. your cries were muffled by the fabric in between your teeth.

she left bite marks and sloppy kisses all along your thighs. she moved her hand away from your tits and starting rubbing her fingers side to side on your clit. the added pleasure brought tears to your eyes and she looked up at you.

“can’t handle it, baby? come on, i know you can.”

your moans were unholy as you felt it building up in you lower stomach. your ears were practically ringing except for the wet sounds of your cunt and her words.

“ellie, i’m gonna–“ the top dropped from your mouth and a whimper cut you off as her fingers kept torturing you through your release. the familiar clear liquid splashed and dripped down her wrist and forearm.

“shit, baby, you fucking squirted.”

still in a daze, you looked down at where her fingers were still buried inside you but were now still and her arm and the mattress under your ass was wet. your fucked out pussy couldn’t stop clenching even when she pulled out and kissed you, grabbing your skirt and yanking it down, tossing it somewhere in the room. she quickly span you around so that you were lying flat on your stomach and gave your ass a quick slap. you could hear her undoing her jeans behind you and shuffling around with something. something you assumed to be her strap. the bed then dipped either side of you as she leant on her hands above you.

“lift up,” she instructed, shoving a pillow under your hips so that your ass was propped up better.

she kissed and grazed her teeth on the back of your shoulder and relished in seeing the massive “williams” stated across your back. you were hers and everyone at that game knew it. you lifted your ass up in desperation and felt the tip of the strap against it.

“you needy for my dick, baby?”

you moaned an mmhmm in response.

“once just wasn’t enough, huh? you need to be stuffed again?”

“ellie…please.”

she started rubbing the tip of the strap over your slippery folds. she seemed to take an agonisingly long time in teasing you like that before she eventually pushed it in, bottoming out making you gasp against the mattress. she used one arm to hold herself up and used the other to grip your waist, pushing and pinning it down into the bed as she started to fuck into you. her thrusts were hard and they slowly got faster and faster until you were practically blubbering at how good and overwhelming it felt. the praises and filth that left her mouth whilst she had her way with you were never ending.

“you’re taking my dick so well.”

“such a good girl letting me use you like this.”

“so good to me, baby.”

it was pushing you over the edge as she brutally slammed in and out of you. your moans became more strangled and loud despite your face being pressed into the bed. she gave your ass a few slaps before roughly gripping the flesh and spreading it so she had a better view of your stretched out pussy and the cum that was forming a ring around her strap. you were so sensitive it was almost too much but being completely pinned under her, you couldn’t move away even if you wanted to, which you didn’t of course. she wasn’t completely wrong before, of course you didn’t want her to lose but you also weren’t going to complain about what it had led to.

“oh fuckfuckfuck,” you pathetically cried.

“come for me, show me how good i’m making you feel.”

your whole body shook as you came and you felt empty when she eventually pulled out. you whined and wiggled your hips, gaining a low laugh from her. she dragged some of your cum that was dripping down to your clit and pushed it back inside of you with two of her fingers. she worked them in and out slowly whilst brushing your hair away so she could leave a kiss behind your ear.

“don’t worry, baby. i’m not done with you yet.”

[sp4cepunisher]

this has ruined my day so i need all of you to suffer with me

[sp4cepunisher]

one moment some girl hits you up and is like hey i like your stuff we should be friends and the next you're both in the basement of a brownstone and you're listening to her dry her hair in the bathroom while you wait for the vegan pizza y'all doordashed and you quite frankly have never been happier

[sp4cepunisher]

time to fall in love all over again

[sp4cepunisher]

guys guys guys………….. [taps your shoulder incessantly]

i see everyone’s favourite ellie williams writer in 3 days

[sp4cepunisher]

ELLIE IN EVERY SCENE 23/?

[sp4cepunisher]

YOU'RE BREATHING SPORES… YOU'RE HER

[sp4cepunisher]

evening gee-tar lesson 🎸

[sp4cepunisher]

The thought that you exist is so divinely blissful in itself that it is ridiculous to talk about the everyday sadness of separation – a week’s, ten days’ – what does it matter? since my whole life belongs to you.

— Vladimir Nabokov, Letters to Véra

[sp4cepunisher]

reblogging to get this to 200 notes because the uneven number was getting to me!!!

thank u for the love on this 🫂🫂

just a scratch [ e.williams ]

summary ; ellie takes care of you when you return home injured from being on patrol with dina.

warnings ; 18+ themes, minors dni ! strong language, some depictions of an injury [ skin-tearing, blood, a brief mention of amputation ], over-protective + major girlfriend!ellie vibes. she just loves you a lot tbh, and hates to see you hurt.

author’s note ; hhhhiiiii hi :D i decided to rewrite this! not unlike all of the other things that i have written + will continue to write, i scrutinised the previous version until i decided to delete it + make it better!!! it was labelled fluff but, like?? it wasn’t giving enough fluff?? i wanted protective gf ellie, but it just seemed rushed to me, to be honest. saying this, i reallyreallyreally appreciate the love you guys gave that tragic attempt at a return to this community!!! it made me super happy + spurred me on to want to rewrite it and make it better for you!!! we all deserve having sweet, caring, sometimes a little over-protective ellie in our lives + we deserve it to be written well!!!! i hope you can all enjoy this re-draft even more, and thank you for always being so patient + understanding when it comes to my obsession over the things that i post here!!! i’m just a bit of a perfectionist when i write, but i’m really happy with how this has turned out!!! as always, please let me know your thoughts + enjooooooy!!!! <3

. . .

ellie’s love for you could have moved mountains; defied gravity; grown wings and soared above the clouds with determination to land on the sun. solid in how it had nestled itself into the pit of her heart and beautiful in the way it had developed buds which had flowered over time, the way the girl had allowed herself to feel for you for was something entirely indescribable. she had tried to write about it in her journal, and she had tried to talk about it in front of jesse, or dina— even joel, at times. but every single attempt seemed to result in scribbles, entire pages being torn out, or incoherent trains of thought which were often met with furrowed eyebrows. not to mention the further questions that would make her flush her own least favourite shade of pink, trip over her words as if they were cementing her feet between them, and that she didn’t have the answers to. she much preferred to express her love for you in less obvious ways— more private ways, like letting you take the first shower of the morning to make the most of the limited hot water, frying your eggs first because she knew that you didn’t like it when the pan got too greasy, or letting you pick the evening’s movie because she loved your concentration face when it came to watching you sift through her selection of dvds. she was loving, in a way that you hadn’t realised she could be. granted, she still got shy about it, even in front of you, but although useless when it came to verbalising her feelings, there was one thing that ellie was a master at:

keeping you safe.

a part of her believed that it was her sole duty, putting herself before you in every scenario that she found herself in with you at her side. ingrained in her; like a drug mingled with the blood in her veins, a language that she hadn’t remembered being taught but was fluent in, nevertheless. whether it was fighting the infected or the healthy, ellie was almost entirely fearless either way. and it wasn’t that she doubted your ability to look out for yourself, nor did she think that she could execute any of it better than you. it simply stemmed from her instinct to protect you, because she loved you. she had become sort of obsessed with it; with keeping you strapped to her side like her gun in its holster, tattooed forearm outstretched behind her like the arrow on a compass always displaying the right way to turn; ellie’s way to turn. and alongside this determination to look after you came a tendency to maintain a certain sense of disdain for letting you venture out on patrols and runs with anybody else, because ellie knew that nobody could protect you like she was sure she could— it was a kind of promise to herself, and to you, that your girlfriend had succeeded in keeping every single time the opportunity arose, without ever faltering. you couldn’t remember a time where you had ever returned home injured from a run or a patrol with ellie. you had barely even been sore.

the only exception to this rule of sorts that she had instilled within herself was when she was tied down with something else in jackson or elsewhere, and on this day in particular, when dina came to ask her if it was cool if you accompanied her on patrol, she found herself in this exact position; it was out of her control, because she knew that keeping her word to maria and helping her to set up the new routes for the next few weeks of runs and patrols was what she had agreed to, and she would stick to her promise. she couldn’t offer to go with dina herself, nor take her spot to keep you safe. she had no choice but to give in, and she always hated doing that.

“you’re helping maria here, and (y/n)’s free. i’ll bring her back,” dina reassured your girlfriend when she caught the look that she shot her way. she was well aware of the girl’s protective nature. if anything was to happen to you on her watch, dina wouldn’t put the idea of murder past ellie for a second. “i promise.”

“that’s a pretty big promise,” ellie’s brow furrowed, the lines that appeared on her face mimicking those that she had spent the past half hour etching onto the map in front of her; deep, stretching way past her control and branching off into unknown territory; beyond the safety that she knew she could provide. in a nutshell she trusted dina, but trusting her enough to relax against her promise to bring you back from a world that was merciless— one that was not lenient to those that had loved ones waiting for them at home, giving them a pass from death or mutilation simply because they had people to return to— was a different thing altogether. the world had become too foreign to care. a promise was nothing. she twirled the pen around between her fingers. “did she say she’d go?”

“uh, yeah,” dina exhaled, resting a fist on the table beside her and leaning into it. “yeah, she said she was up for it.”

ellie almost rolled her eyes at this. of course you had. she knew that you always wished that you could be in fifty places at once just to ensure that you didn’t let anybody down, or disrupt anyone’s plans. you were a people-pleaser, but not the bad kind. that’s what, on top of everything else, also bugged ellie. her conscience was fighting with itself; she knew that letting you go out of jackson without her would plague her mind for the rest of the day until your return, the urge to simply drop everything and make herself available to you gnawing at her bones right to the marrow, but she also knew that you wanted to help. it was in your nature. you were utterly good. the visual that was playing in her head was accurate, knowing you well enough to predict the willing nod that you had offered in response to dina’s question, masking the overriding sense of knowing better that had kicked your own conscience into consciousness; she knew that you had been the one that had told dina to come and double check with her, partly as a surefire way of letting her know where you would be for the rest of the day, but also as a way of gauging her general thoughts on it— she knew that you knew how protective she was of you, and at the same time as wanting to drop everything that she had agreed to do, to tell dina that she was happy to take this patrol and then make her way to your shared home just to toss your sneakers your way in a silent gesture of i’m here. let’s go., ellie decided against it. she smoothed the pad of her thumb over the rounded side of the pen that remained still gripped in her hand, and found that her gaze had involuntarily returned to the map before her. her eyes trailed over all of the possible routes that could be taken upon exiting jackson, mental grip slipping as she attempted to unscrew the stubborn lid on her memory in order to remember which paths hadn’t been cleared in a while.

“where are you heading?”

“north, straight up through the woods and past miller cabin.”

ellie’s thoughts wavered, and she pressed the tip of her pen into the wooden tabletop. the area north of jackson hadn’t been cleared in a few weeks, she knew that for sure. god knows how many more infected had shown up and were inhabiting it now— she even had the audacity to silently question whether or not dina would even be able to handle it. she also wondered if her protective nature was a sort of blessing in disguise; her instinct to take the lead every time, to reassure you that she would scope out the stagnant corridors which loomed like long, ghostly faces before you could follow in behind her was perhaps the wrong way to go about ensuring your safety. autonomy was probably more beneficial to you than following your girlfriend’s every move like her shadow. potential outcomes then began to race through her mind; images of you getting stuck between too many infected and not having anywhere else to turn; of dina assuming that splitting up and taking different routes would be a good idea, resulting in your disappearance and failure to return to jackson which would leave everybody simply assuming the worst. moving on. just another name amongst warnings. something to learn from. the idea that the heartbeat that she had spent months studying while you slept as it pulsed in the side of your neck could be stilled with just one wrong move made ellie’s stomach clench. that she would be the only one to inhabit the sheets within her bed; the imprint of your head in the pillow next to hers would become a sacred treasure, untouched, and encased in glass within the museum of ellie’s heart. the thought made her cringe.

the girl looked up at dina again, chewing the inside of her cheek before letting her jaw relax. “i mean, i can’t really stop you,” she felt her body sink into itself slightly, the words she spoke suddenly accompanied by a release of breath that she wasn’t too familiar with— a kind of letting go that felt unnatural, and that left its remnants wedged between her lungs. “if she said she’d go, then i guess she’s happy to go.”

“we’ll be careful. i’ll look out for her.”

ellie didn’t respond. she felt as though she couldn’t. instead, she felt herself forced to focus on the kind of heat that had begun rising at the very top of her spine and which was spreading like a disease up her neck, burning the spongiest part of her skull and trailing through to her jaw as dina’s shadow spanned out across the table like the worst kind of raincloud that was now looming over the map in front of her; over your name which she had absentmindedly carved into the table with the inky nib of her pen.

. . .

the evening sun was a bulbous yolk in the evening sky, bidding goodnight to the people of jackson. its setting behind the hammock of mountains and trees signalled the time to turn in for most, but for ellie it acted as the pendulum at the base of the clock that had loomed in the sky since you had left for miller cabin with dina about four hours earlier. it was as if it was refusing to set until you came home. stationary; a light to guide you back to safety. back to ellie.

her room felt stale. the sun was doing a terrible job at defrosting the cold air that lingered between ellie and her window, which she felt as though she hadn’t stopped looking out of since she arrived inside. maybe she hadn’t. like it was some kind of crystal ball that would somehow reveal your fate if she stared for long enough. she was unsure of how much time had passed, the spotlight of her mind shining solely and directly at the thought of you— how far you’d made it, what you’d found, if you were doing okay. she tried her very best to keep her faith in dina alive, trying to tell herself with a few dismissive shakes of the head and shrugs of the shoulders that you would be fine, soon to be returning home to her with barely a hair out of place, and your usual manner; rational, kind, always happy to see your girlfriend. and part of ellie felt moronic for spending the entirety of her day worrying, battling with a multiplicity of thoughts, and tearing the inside of her cheek to shreds, but the other part of her knew that it was only natural— she’d had enough of losing those she loved, and she wasn’t about to let her pride get the better of her. not this time.

the click of the latch on the door broke her train of thought, and her head snapped towards the sound so quickly that it was a surprise that it didn’t come detached from her neck altogether and land with a dull thump on the rug below her bed. she watched intently as a hand pushed firmly against the door, and a large shoe promptly wedged itself between the doorframe and the wood to help prop it open. slightly muffled voices were honestly hard to make out through the small gap in the door due to their gentle tone, but ellie could tell that it was you by the little laugh she heard pass through. her favourite sound. lifting herself from the mattress, the girl soon made quick work of swinging her legs over the side of her bed and even quicker work of standing up once she properly processed what was going on: jesse entered first, and ellie’s eyebrows furrowed at the sight that followed; his arm was tucked snugly beneath your armpit to support you as best he could in your footing that you were barely succeeding in achieving on one foot. it wasn’t long before your girlfriend noticed the large dark patch that had stained the outside of your now torn jeans just above your kneecap and which, in certain lights, she could see was a kind of black crimson. the worst kind, and bigger than she was comfortable with.

“jesus fucking christ,” she exhaled, her breath a little shaky. dina followed suit with your backpack draped over her shoulder, and her head tilting slightly to ensure your path to the couch was clear as jesse guided you through the small living space. she took wider steps to get ahead of the both of you, clearing a space atop the blankets for you. “is that—“

“it’s not,” dina was quick to interrupt ellie’s sentence, knowing exactly what the girl would say upon seeing your injury, almost before ellie did. jesse gradually let his arm slip from your body, mumbling a few words of encouragement as you sunk down onto the couch with a small intake of breath. “ellie, it’s not.”

“then what the fuck happened?”

“ellie, i’m fine.” you spoke.

the girl raised her eyebrows. “well, shit, (y/n). i don’t believe you.”

“i slipped— jesus,” you exhaled, face wrinkling up in considerable discomfort as jesse lifted your leg by your calve and propped it up on the coffee table in front of the couch. “i just slipped and it wasn’t anybody’s fault but mine.” you watched as your girlfriend made her way around the table to stand beside you, reaching a hand out to unstick the few pieces of hair that lay flush against your forehead with clammy perspiration, her callused thumb brushing over your forehead affectionately, but also as if to reassure herself that you were really there. that you had really made it home.

“there was a blockage along the path,” dina spoke quietly, as if slightly apprehensive about whether to join the discussion at all. “just before we reached miller’s cabin. tree fell, crushed a few cars, fenced a lot of infected in.”

“it was my idea to climb on top of the cars,” you used your hands to better recount your failed plan of action, tilting your open palms slightly to mimic your movements. “i was gonna try and, like, jump onto one of the window ledges across from them to see if there was a way around, but i didn’t even make it that far. my, fucking… foot slipped, and i tore my leg on a piece of rogue metal.”

ellie sighed heavily, filling the empty space beside you with a gentle squeak of the springs and being especially careful not to cause you any more pain with her body weight against the cushions. “fuck me, (y/n). why did you do that?” she questioned you, although secretly she knew the answer; it was you all over, never wanting to turn back from anything without being able to say you tried. “why the hell did you do that?”

you shrugged, lips parting as you tried to justify your stupidity in a way that ellie would truly believe, and dina placed your backpack down on the floor beside the couch. “we dressed the wound once we got far enough down the path. it’s sterile, and we managed to stop the bleeding,” she explained before you could speak. “jesse came out and helped me bring her in when he saw us arrive.”

“why didn’t you come and get me?”

you gave ellie a knowing look, and it was almost enough to cause the girl to crack a small smile. almost.

“she didn’t wanna worry you, dude.” there was even a smile in jesse’s voice, and you watched as he extended an arm to the wall and leaned his entire weight against it.

“didn’t want you jumping to conclusions,” you whispered teasingly, your eyes trailing over ellie’s face in an attempt to memorise every single part of it.

the brunette scoffed a small laugh, and for a second, from the look on her face, you wondered whether she was about to cry. the horrible thought flashed over your mind when you clocked the sudden shine that glossed her eyes, and the slight wrinkle between her eyebrows. from the way her teeth were pulling at the inside of her cheek, you knew that she was frustrated; upset with you; upset with herself. “…fuck.”

“we’ll give you guys some space,” dina spoke after a small pause in the conversation with a small nod, turning her body towards the front door and giving jesse a small nudge to the ribs. “let you get some rest.”

you looked over at the two of them, pressing your mouth into a tight-lipped smile. “thanks, you guys. don’t know what i would have done without you.”

jesse cocked a playful brow. “well, you wouldn’t have that giant gash in your thigh if it wasn’t for dina. in fact, you wouldn’t have even been out there if it wasn’t for—” his words were halted by a heavy smack to the shoulder from the girl behind him, which prompted him to twist the doorknob, and after which he uttered a small, “ow! why are you so violent?”

“goodnight, you two,” dina sighed, and glanced over her shoulder at the two of you. “feel better soon, okay, (y/n)?”

“thanks for bringing her home, dina. for looking after her.” ellie finally spoke, and dina turned back around for a moment upon stepping out into the night’s air

“i tried. a promise is a promise.” she shot you both a small smile, before pulling the door closed with a final click.

despite your injury, ellie had to admit to herself that her room was warmer with your return. she let her eyes scan over your profile, lingering slightly on the slope of your nose bridge, and the sculpted dip of your philtrum. her eyes fell to the side of your neck, and she felt herself visibly relax when she managed to clock the small thumping of your pulse. the same pulse she so often studied while you slept. “babe,” she whispered, regaining your full attention and earning her a small hum. “you’re okay?”

your face softened slightly, and you nodded. “yeah, ell. i’m okay.” she lifted a hand and placed it both reassuringly and gently on your good leg, giving your knee a squeeze before carefully leaning over your body and reaching for your backpack.

“please,” she huffed, plonking the bag down on her knees and retrieving your water bottle from inside. “drink something.” you complied to your girlfriend’s orders, letting her hand you the bottle and taking a few swigs from it to make your girlfriend happy. the water felt good as it swilled down your throat, softening the scratchiness and somehow lessening the pain in your thigh for a split second, though you were grateful for the momentary relief nevertheless. screwing the lid back onto the top, you placed the bottle beside you on the couch and turned your head to look at ellie again. “you could’ve died.” you watched her lips as she whispered.

you barely shrugged. “but i didn’t.”

ellie sighed. “fuck, (y/n).”

“ellie. i’m right here,” you insisted, though your voice remained soft and shrouded in moonlight. “yeah, i got hurt. and yeah, it sucks. but it will heal, and i’m here, and i’ll be okay.”

this wasn’t the first time that ellie was rendered pretty speechless by your ability to comfort her with a handful of simple, yet meaningful words. despite thinking of you all day, almost worrying herself into a mental decline and narrowly avoiding fucking up the work she completed for maria, you had immediately calmed her nerves. you somehow always knew how to relax her tense muscles, unclench her gritted teeth, and supply her with fresh air to breathe. here you were; raw beneath your bandage, still adorned in your blood-stained clothes, and probably exhausted. but you were alive; here, and breathing; here, and still as pretty as she had seen you that same morning, barely succeeding in keeping your heavy eyelids open as the two of you lay dozing in the sun-soaked bedsheets; here, and reassuring your girlfriend that things were alright.

“i love you,” the girl whispered, leaning a little closer just to tilt her chin upwards and press the gentlest of kisses to skin between your eyebrows. “i love you so much. i was, like, shitting my pants all day. hated not knowing whether or not you were okay. felt helpless.” her voice had fallen into a mumble, and you looked up at her with a hint of a smile.

“and i love you. even if you do worry too much.”

a shadow of a smile flickered over ellie’s lips, and she licked over them. “i worry for a reason,” she chuckled quietly, barely even loud enough for you to hear despite sitting so close to her. “clearly. how long sinced dina dressed your leg?”

you glanced down toward the coffee table, turning your leg to the side slightly to get a better look at the stain on your jeans to check that it hadn’t spread any wider, and to ensure ensure that you hadn’t bled through the barrier. “uhh, maybe… i don’t know, a couple of hours ago?” you returned your gaze to the girl beside you, whose own eyes were fixed on the maroon bloodstain.

“and you promise it doesn’t hurt? you don’t need me to clean it, change the bandage?”

“i promise.”

the girl was quiet for a moment, gaze trailing back up your leg before she turned her head and found your eyes. “is it bad under there?” she whispered, as if frightened of the answer. you shook your head gently, silently judging yourself for the way in which your heart fluttered at the concern that tainted ellie’s tone. you knew she would have been worried sick all day, but you couldn’t help but find it just slightly amusing how hard her outer shell appeared to everyone else. to those who didn’t know her. to anyone that wasn’t you.

“oh, yeah,” you whispered, trying to maintain a degree of seriousness in your voice, and ellie’s breath caught in her throat. “dina didn’t tell you, but, like… she almost had to perform the world’s first amputation while on horseback.” you couldn’t hold back the grin that tugged your mouth upwards, along with the heavy exhale that accompanied it through your nose. your smile grew wider when you watched as ellie noticeably relaxed upon realising that you were joking, and rolled her eyes.

“you’re so sick, you know that? sick and fucking twisted!” she leaned her elbow on the arm of the couch and rested the side of her head against her open palm. “jesusfuckingchrist.”

“i’m okay, ellie, i promise.” you reassured her, now in all seriousness. “i know that the blood probably makes it look scary, but it’s really not that bad. just a small gash.” extending a hand, you placed it on your girlfriend’s jean-clad thigh and gave it a squeeze, smoothing your little finger over her kneecap. the girl’s ivy eyes caught onto yours in a way that they had before, but that you swore to yourself over, and over again that you would never get used to: utterly loving, with no shadowed thoughts to cloud over it, and completely unapologetic, at that. with a small shuffle of her legs, and lifting her head from her hand, she got herself closer to you and took a second to lick over her lips.

“come here,” she whispered, hooking her pointer finger beneath your chin and reeling you forwards slightly. you pretty much immediately melted into her touch, allowing her to mould you into whatever position she wanted you aided by just her hands, and captured her lips with yours as they brushed. in a chaste, yet meaningful kiss, you brought your hand from her leg and used it to cup her face, pushing away a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. her own hand trailed up your arm, briefly warming the skin beneath your clothes before resting on the dip of your shoulder, lingering there even after the gentle kiss came to an end. “i love you,” ellie spoke, the tip of her nose almost slow dancing with yours as they brushed. “i don’t know what i’d do if i lost you.”

you offered her a small smile, lifting your shoulders in a shy little shrug. “and you’ll never know. ‘cause i’ll always be here.” your sweet, yet earnest words made ellie smile, the greenest part of her eyes twinkling optimistically right before you, like a shooting star passing through the sky just for less than a second, but for long enough to remember its short presence forever. she pressed one last short, firm kiss to your lips before glancing over her shoulder at your shared bed.

“you should lay down, babe.”

pulling at the corner of your lip with your teeth, you nod. “soon. wanna stay here with you, just a little longer,” ellie’s small smile brought another one to your own lips, and you elbowed her side lightly. “missed you.”

“missed you. when i wasn’t busy almost killing myself over what could’ve happened to you, and almost fucking up maria’s maps.” she mumbled, and you gave an amused hum.

“well, at least assuming the worst made this situation look a whole lot better. right?”

ellie pulled a face, twirling a piece of your hair that she had picked up somewhere along the way around her two fingers. “i wouldn’t say that, but, yeah. i’m definitely happy that you aren’t dead.”

you raised your eyebrows, scoffing a laugh and letting your head fall back against the couch. “thanks, ell. i’m happy i’m not dead, either.”

[sp4cepunisher]

watching people’s ellie best kills on youtube makes me aroused in a whole new way

[sp4cepunisher]

ur stuff is some of the best on this app, the way u write is so mature and detailed and well thought out 🩷 please never stop writing

oh wow, thank you so much 🥹 this is so uplifting and lovely to hear, i appreciate it so much!!! more is coming very soon 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[sp4cepunisher]

I need her SOOO BAD ITS INSANE I can’t anymore

[sp4cepunisher]

the way i would let her do whatever she wants with me...