spac3gh0st

[spac3gh0st]

“Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.”

— Daniell Koepke

[spac3gh0st]

Remember when we'd get drunk and do karaoke in my living room? I miss that.

[spac3gh0st]

I love you.

One year isn't a lot of time in the great scheme of things, but if we only have so many of those years to love someone then it's quite a good while.

In a years time we spent holidays together, birthdays together, traveled together.

[spac3gh0st]

When death is all that you pray for

[spac3gh0st]

My life is over for financial reasons and romantic reasons.

I've been all over the world.

I've watched men dumpster dive for shoes and furniture.

I dont even have it thay bad.

But nobody wants to listen

[spac3gh0st]

Yep

[spac3gh0st]

I want cancer and I want death.

I'm old enough to seek you out.

I want to be engulfed in your dark shroud.

Take me with you.

To wherever.

It may be long and painful but I promise you that I won't fight it.

I'm way past ready.

I've watched men dig through the trash for clothes.

I've met men whose only property was a soccer ball.

I've met men who slaved away to just make their families afford bread.

And when I look at what I've slaved for as an American.. im left with nothing.

[spac3gh0st]

The shotgun rips your face like it was a piece of old paper. Ive watched it. I've saw men who placed the barrel in their mouth and looked at the aftermath... everything is intact. Except the small rips across the structure of their skull... pieces in the back go everywhere though...

Its not my method of choice.

Id choose something clean if i ever got to that point.

[spac3gh0st]

This is my last post.

We're all still stuck here aren't we?

In this time in history? #lastpost

[spac3gh0st]

We all got old somewhere.

Yesterday was 2008 and we were fresh out of high-school looking to make something out of our lives.

Some of us did to only see it come crashing down.

We are past 30 now.

And I'm talking to an empty wall of an empty app where people come to post other peoples art.

We were young and wore plaid, trying to be like our older siblings who came up during the 90s.

We grew beards to be cool and covered ourselves in tattoo's.

But we've always been empty.

The road winds and it ends in 2020.

10+ years to make it and we failed.

I failed.

Good luck to you. My peers. Peace out.

#future #past #bullshit #neverforget #2008 #2020 #fuckit

[spac3gh0st]

I used to be a poet, but I always went to far.

I used to be a lover but they never win the war.

[spac3gh0st]

I see you in the shadow

You're my oldest friend.

Waiting for me to finally take my last breath.

But I'm not ready

I've always been a man of curiosity.

So I cant give in to you yet.

I cant walk that old stretch of road back into the past where you show me something out of Dickens until I see what's in front of me.

There's still beauty out there.

Thing's I havent seen. Things I'm curious to lean about.

I have children. Children that need to learn from me about the dark and the light and where it may take them.

Do you remember the old talks we used to have?

About how one day I was going to be powerful and lead some large group of people against the evils that hide with you?

I barely remember. Because that was a long time ago.

[spac3gh0st]

#letter #loss #father #fatherhood #dad #divorce #movingaway #travel #prose #writing #goodbye

[spac3gh0st]

“I think you should stay. The doctors said there’s a gap between our hands that shouldn’t be there. They said that it would stop aching eventually but it would burn until then. They said you can’t be homesick for another person, I don’t believe them though. My legs don’t like walking into rooms that you’re not in. Last night I couldn’t sleep in the bedroom because my knees wouldn’t take me up the stairs. My thighs had told them they missed your hips. Nothing is agreeing with me. I’m going to a cardiologist tomorrow just to make sure they didn’t miss anything. Look, the thing is, I’m already on fire for you, I’m already leaving my doors unlocked and my windows open, I’m hoping you’ll crawl back into bed with me, I’m hoping I’ll wake up with your hands around my neck and your name in my mouth. The doctors will call, I’m sure. They’re going to say ‘there’s a blockage, and it’s leaking but it’s nothing we’ve ever seen before.’ And I’ll tell them ‘yes, it’s my arteries, they’re tying themselves into knots, they miss him too.’”

— Azra.T “I Am Somehow Always in Mid-Search For You.”

[spac3gh0st]

[spac3gh0st]

[spac3gh0st]

“I loved you before I knew better. I cared for you before we would realize we were the worst for each other. I wrote love poems for the parts of you I can’t stand anymore. Someone should have stopped us. Someone should have told us this would only ruin us further. I don’t think we would have listened.”

— Schuyler Peck, I Loved You When (via schuylerpeck)