space-jesus-bachelor-man - Tumblr blog

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Jane: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

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Noel, negotiating with Constance: We have Ocean. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Ocean: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars?

Noel:

Ocean: MAKE IT ONE MILLION–

Constance: OCEAN STOP

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Mischa: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Jane: >:O language

Ricky: Yeah watch your fucking language

Ocean: OKAY WHO TAUGHT RICKY THE FUCK WORD?

Noel: 'The fuck word'.

Constance: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Mischa: Oh my god they censored it

Ricky: Say fuck, Constance.

Mischa: Do it, Constance. Say fuck

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Ocean: Mischa... How do I begin to explain Mischa?

Noel: Mischa is flawless.

Constance: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.

Jane: I hear they do car commercials.

Ricky: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

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Ricky: walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Mischa: Hey.

Ocean: Hi.

Noel: Hello.

Constance: Hey!

Ricky: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Jane: We were out of Doritos.

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Jane: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Mischa: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Ocean: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Noel: Actually I did the math, Mischa would have $225, not $0.15.

Mischa: Fam I’m right here....

Ricky: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Jane: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Ricky: Sorry I only have a dollar

Jane: :(

Ocean: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Mischa would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Ricky: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Constance: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Ocean: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Constance: Apply juice to what

Ricky: Directly to the forehead

Noel: Great chat everyone

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*The squad is over at Jane's house*

Mischa: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?

Jane: ... N-No...

Jane, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Mischa, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!

Ricky: I see a-

Ocean, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Mischa: Oh, well I-

Jane: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Jane, amazed: Its got a bake setting!

Noel: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

Constance: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Jane: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!

Jane: I am someone who owns four ovens...

Jane, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...

Jane: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...

Ricky, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Jane:

Mischa: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Jane:

Jane, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

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*The squad right before Jane's wedding*

Mischa: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

Ocean: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

Noel: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

Constance: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

Ricky, panicked: I THINK I AM GETTING MARRIED

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Happy birthday Ocean!!

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'Can I copy the homework?'

Ocean: I can help you with it!

Constance: Yeah, sure!

Mischa: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Noel: lol nope.

Ricky: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Jane: *Read 5:55pm*

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Ocean: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Constance: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Noel: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Mischa: I have a piece of graphite in my leg from stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Not on accident either...

Ricky: I didn't realize my cat was sitting on my bed while I was going to sit down. I sat down on it and it scratched my arm.

Mischa: I also once, was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. That was when I was young and new to smoking...

Jane:

Jane: I have emotional scars.

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Ocean: Do you take constructive criticism?

Jane: I only take cash or credit.

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Noel: How petty can you get?

Ocean: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

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Noel: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Constance?

Constance: … No.

Mischa: I do!

Noel: I know, Mischa.

Mischa: I’m mad!

Noel: I know, Mischa.

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Noel: How's the sexiest person here~?

Mischa: I don't know, how are they~?

Noel, flustered: I-

Jane, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

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Ocean: We need a distraction.

Ricky: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Jane, whispering: My time has come

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Ocean: If you had to choose between Ricky and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Jane: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Ricky: Jane!

Ocean: 63 cents.

Jane: I'll take the money.

Ricky: JANE!!!