spaceoddball1969

[spaceoddball1969]

I hear so much about weponized incompetency but we do not talk about weponized complaining. For example, my boyfriend had a tough day and so I decided I would take care of cooking dinner, which was easy because it was just a flatbread pizza. After dinner, I was super exhausted because I've had a long day as well, and asked if he would be ok taking care of the dishes, so I could go jump in the bathtub and relax. He agreed, also the dishes were 3 cookie sheets that we cooked the pizza on. And within two seconds he's complaining about the cheese being stuck on the sheets and how it's going to take him forever to clean them. He also was doing it in the most convoluted and stupid way possible. So I stepped in and just said let me do them and you can relax. And then he got all defensive that he could clean them himself and I should just go take a bath. He also then dropped his argument and went to play guitar, so it worked out perfectly in his favor. I'm so frustrated right now and he's acting like nothing even happened.

[spaceoddball1969]

I don't know how I manage to constantly be such a fuck up but I just can't seem to stop.

[spaceoddball1969]

Approximately four years ago I watched Midsommar for the first time with my toxic ex boyfriend. When we were reaching the end of the movie, about the time when Christian is going to impregnate Meja in the creepy orgy scene, my ex was like "oh this scene I'd really weird and awkward to watch, I'm going to fast forward it" and until yesterday I never had seen that part of the movie.

Last night I watched it with my current and wonderful boyfriend and I was like "oh I've never seen this part because my ex made us skip through it" For the last four years I thought my ex didn't want to watch that scene because it was a sex scene and we were just starting to date and his mom was around. But now I know that he probably didn't want to watch that scene because of Christian's full dick being on display! This revelation has brought me great joy.

[spaceoddball1969]

Today was a really good day because I got to spend the entire thing with my best friend in the entire world who I haven't seen since last August.

[spaceoddball1969]

I love my boyfriend and how he lets me scream about the world using the most vulgar vocabulary imaginable and doesn't judge me.

[spaceoddball1969]

My uncle died today. It's such a weird feeling losing a family member that you were not particularly close to. Especially when the people who have been close to them have a complicated relationship with them. I feel that while I mourne for the loss of my uncle but I truly mourne for my dad who has now lost another brother. I know he loved him deep to his bones even though sometimes he couldn't be around him. I hope my uncle's rest is easy. For now I'll play an Elvis tune for him and put a good thought out into the universe for his children.

[spaceoddball1969]

After having gone through my teacher education program and having now been teaching for a year and a half more or less, I just have to say this. There needs to be more emphasis on informing future teachers about the realities of violence in schools. Teacher candidates need to be talked to about how because of the world we live in, teaching is now a profession where you are choosing every day to potentially put your life at risk. I don't regret becoming a teacher and I obviously still love my job, but I didn't pick this profession because I wanted to fight bad guys and save people. No teacher did. We'd be cops or firefighters if we did.

I have gone through several professional developments now regarding protecting students from active shooters and every time I've watched my coworkers and felt myself tense up as we think through all the horrible things that could happen if we don't act fast enough. Because, in case you don't know, once you're our student, you're our child. I don't care if I'm not old enough to actually be any of their mothers. I love them with every fiber of my being and if someone tried to harm them I would fight to the death.

But I just wish that young teachers were more informed, more prepared to feel this overwhelming sense of responsibility. It shocked me when I first started teaching and I started crying thinking of what I would do in a situation where I had protect my students from a shooter. It's too much pressure to put on people who got into their profession because they love learning and they love children.

[spaceoddball1969]

I swear my students somehow always know when I need a pick me up to remind me why I am a music teacher and why I love it so much.

I was having a rough day but then I saw my third graders and we were working on songs for an upcoming program. We were trying out for speaking parts today and one of my special needs students who I've only heard speak a handful of times asked to try out. I helped him sound out the words but by the time we were done he had read the entire part. And afterwards he sang all of the songs for our show so loudly and I could tell he was so proud of himself for singing. When we were done I gave him a little hug and told him "I love your voice, please don't ever stop singing."

It honestly made me emotional hearing him. I didn't hear a single word out of him last year, so to hear him sing so proudly today just lifted me up. I swear just when I start to lose my way my kids step up and remind me of what I'm in this profession for.

[spaceoddball1969]

I'm trying not to be bitter, but I'm having a really hard time with my family right now.

My parents have been to my home to visit in over a year. I've seen them, but they have not actually come to see me in over a year.

One of my brother's hasn't been to visit me in my apartment since he helped me move in about a year and a half ago.

And my other brother hasn't ever been to visit me at my apartment.

I just am starting to feel like I'm good at showing up for people who never want to show up for me.

[spaceoddball1969]

In the last two weeks I've had a kindergartener puke on my floor and a dead mouse/rat in one of my lights. Starting to feel a bit cursed.

[spaceoddball1969]

I love my family but dear lord it can be really exhausting being around them.

[spaceoddball1969]

real

[spaceoddball1969]

There is a third grader in my school who had a tough time last year and has the shittiest home life you can imagine, but he at his core is such a sweet little boy. Today in my music class we were listening to Mozart and moving around the room to show volume levels. He grabs my hand and says "It's time to move, come with me." And we got all twisted to where I had to spin around to get unraveled from him. And so I said "You just spun me." So then we spent the next ten minutes spinning around with each other and other students joined in. Soon enough we had a whole group of 3rd graders spinning each other around so sweetly. It made my heart so full and happy. After having a horrifically tough day teaching yesterday, I really just needed to spin with my little buddy.

[spaceoddball1969]

There's nothing I can't wait for more than having an apartment with more than one bedroom so all my boyfriend's musical instruments can be put in there instead of in our living room.

[spaceoddball1969]

I know my boyfriend is the one for the dumbest reasons. One of them is that the other day I took off my sports bra and he immediately started scratching my back where the band had been because he know that I love when he does that and that it helps my back feel better after having a sports bra on.

[spaceoddball1969]

I'm an elementary music teacher and honestly it brings me great joy to constantly mess with and joke with my students. Not because I'm trying to tease them or harass them but because they think it's fun. I love being that teacher that they can actually talk to. And I feel like yes, you can develop great relationships by telling your students you love them and that they matter to you, but until they see you as a human that connection isn't there.

I love telling students about mistakes I've made or little stories from my week. It doesn't make me unprofessional, because trust me, they know I mean business, but it just makes everything more personal for them. It makes you real instead of just a teacher to them.

It also is just hilarious watching elementary aged kids listen to you tell them about the embarrassing thing that happened to you so long ago it's no longer a big thing.

[spaceoddball1969]

So last night we went to a birthday dinner for my boyfriend with his parents and grandpa. His mom got sloshed and proceeded to ask us the same five questions over and over and over and over. She also basically confessed that she's worried that we haven't gotten engaged yet. (We haven't even been going out for 2 years). She also wanted to let me know that she and her husband will contribute to the wedding since she's uncertain if my parents would (a completely unbased assumption.) Also we literally just want a court house wedding. It was a nightmare.

Also to top it off, we were watching the Olympics on the TV in the restaurant and women's basketball was playing. They showed a player who was very strong looking with short hair and my boyfriend's grandpa goes "That's a man and you can't tell me otherwise." And then when my boyfriend's mom brought up a man that she had met who happened to be gay, grandpa goes "Did he speak with a lisp?" And then just laughed. Like how fucking backwards do you have to be?