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spammreviews · 2 months
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Something the recent Dune movies got right that the 80s Dune movie got wrong is that the Baron Harkonen is miserable. He doesn't eat and screw become he enjoys it, he does it out of a meaningless desire to consume and fill the void in his life. The Baron's constant striving to be the most powerful person has left him an empty person, so he engages in hedonistic activities in a futile pursuit to be happy.
Essentially, being evil is miserable.
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spammreviews · 2 months
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NEW ALT SCHIFT X!
LET US GOOOOOOOOOO
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spammreviews · 3 months
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A trend I’ve noticed is that a lot of modern (meaning in the past fifteen years or so) movies play around with language. Obviously, there have been films where characters speak different languages ever since they added sound. However, when I think of films that have language barriers be an important plot in the movie or make an active choice not to have subtitles I think or Okja and Inglorious Basterds as an example of the first and Isle of the Dogs and the recent West Side Story for the second.
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spammreviews · 3 months
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A BRIEF DEVILMAN CRYBABY RANT
What on Earth is Devilman Crybaby?
I watched Devilman Crybaby, the 2018 anime, because I heard that it was like a mix between Neon Genesis Evangelion and Berserk.
That’s true, in terms of imagery, symbolism, structure. Even the soundtrack of Devilman is similar to NGE
 Devilman Crybaby is also similar to Dune in that both series ask the question “What makes us human?” Answer that question very quickly, and then proceed to spend the rest of the series adding additional footnotes to this thesis.
With Dune, the answer is extraordinarily complicated. According to Devilman Crybaby, it our ability to cry.
Devilman’s themes are not really subtle or  complex. In fact, unlike the other three stories I mentioned, it’s kind of stupid, and that’s what makes it wonderful.
Beginning the first episode, the opening theme song and first scene made me think I was in a for a surreal, poetic experience. It’s a fantastic first scene, introducing us to the characters of Akira and Ryo and setting up the theme of kindness all the while having a wonderful atmosphere.
Then, we suddenly cut to a high-school track practice, and the next few scenes are a blur of horniness, weird jokes, and some of the most inhuman dialogue I’ve ever seen.
A lot of the scenes are also so nonsensically paced, either being way to slow or way to quick, ending either abruptly or a bit after they should have ended. There’s also so many scenes where the actions of character’s straight up make no sense, like that entire scene at the peir.
However, the end of the episode…it sure was something. It sees some pretty awesome body horror and an absolutely brutal fight.
A complaint I do have is the animation. It’s…not good. The character designs themselves are often enjoyable, but the drawing style is just kind of ugly. Ryo’s a good example of this. His design as this thin, regal looking, blonde, pale person who always dresses in white does a great job at telling you what he is as a character, even if it’s basically just the design of Griffith from Berserk. However, he’s drawn with these weirdly shaped eyebrows, and his haircut just looks bizarre. This seems really nitpicky, but it’s important.
A lot of the monsters also seem like they could be a lot cooler if the animation was a bit more detailed.
Not only that, but you can tell that this show was very low budget with all these instances of re-used animation and many obvious cost-cutting measures. There are multiple scenes where we barely see the characters talk and instead just see looping shots of the environment around them.
Oh, also this first episode is super horny. It’s close to being porn sometimes, and I’m not joking or exaggerating. I’m fine with art being horny, but there’s a certain point where it just becomes indulgent. It doesn’t help that, 90% of the time, it’s women being sexualized. 
I’m not even going to get into the way the character of Miki is treated.
The episodes after the first one…fine, I guess.
The problem is that this story jumps the gun on its weirdness and darkness, ending the first episode with something very weird and dark. As such, the next few episodes, which are remarkably less insane, just saw me waiting for things to go crazy again. 
Another problem is that the series is ridiculously quickly paced. I really liked the main characters of Ryo and Akira, and I liked their dynamic, but they barely had any time together. It doesn’t help that a lot of time is being spent with subplots.
This quick pace continues to hound the series until the very end.
People in this series keep talking about rising crime rates and how the world is going to heck, but this is never elaborated upon.
Characters like the beatboxing gang, Miki’s family, Miko, Psycho Jenny, Akira’s parents, the gay guy, Silene and her friend, and many others, go underdeveloped.
Stuff like government conspiracies, the tattoo gang, the demons having a secret plan, christianity, sexuality, and the meta aspect of the in-universe Tv show, are all underdeveloped.
Only a few plot elements feel completely finished, like running. The use of the relay race at the end is pretty creative, with Ryo not taking the baton, serving as a metaphor for his apathy.
Relay running is used similarly in many other placed. It symbolizes how the gay guy and Miko are being individualists, and Akira being the anchor shows how others depend on him. It ads a bite to Miki’s death. Blah blah blah. 
The PE coach was also a brilliant use of set up and pay off carried out over the episodes.
The idea of hands grabbing others is an image used repeatedly throughout.
Miki is also a really nice character, and while I was annoyed at how little agency she had for most of the show, I appreciate how she did help save Akira in that one scene. Unfortunately, that was it, and I feel like we barely knew her as a character.
The tv series has a racism metaphor that I would rank 4/10. It shows how racism against devilmen is bad, but it also claims that demons are ontologically evil and it’s okay to kill them all. There are suggestions that they do have hearts, but this is never elaborated upon.
We see a running pattern here, the show not having enough time. As a result, its themes are half-baked and overly simplistic. It talks about how we should get along, and how humanity are the real monsters, and how individualism is bad, and empathy is nice, and how imperialism is bad, and all that jazz, but it never tied these ideas together.
Compare this to Eva, where it feels like End of Evangelion managed to touch on every idea the show had set up. That’s probably because Eva was twice as long. 
It also doesn’t help that this show is almost laughably unsubtle. Miki’s “social media” post that saves people is so on-the-nose.
There’s also scenes that are just weird, like that one scene with Bonito flakes. Also, what was the deal with the kid looking up porn. Also, Donald Trump canonically exists in it. Also, who were the people shooting at the rainforest people? 
I’m sure there’s an explanation, but that’s not important. It’s fine if a show is ambiguous, but this doesn’t feel purposeful so much as it feels sloppy. 
It feels like the show doesn’t know what it wants to be about, with their being two or three episodes were are titular crybaby barely appears. That’s not great. 
I don’t hate all of these subplots, it’s just that none of them go anywhere. For instance, we watch this romance bloom between Miko and Frizzy Haired Guy for two episodes, and I will admit, I like Frizzy Haired Guy. I was rooting for him. Then, he gets killed off and is barely mentioned again. All that buildup was for nothing.
I suppose the story is trying to purposefully be unsatisfying, something both Eva and Berserk do, but when you do that, you need to have a reason. They could have made the scene where Frizzy Haired Guy die really tragic, but they instead make it all flashy and confusing so they can have us wonder if he’s maybe still alive for a bit.
Also, we had this whole episode introducing us to gay dude, and then he randomly goes evil and gets killed off in the last episode. So long, character development!
Comparing this show to Eva again, the ending is almost amazing. The imagery sounds awesome on paper, but the animation and character designs are so minimal. It also feels like Akira stopped growing as a character after the first six episodes. He feels almost removed from the destruction, as it’s all happening because of someone else.
I could also nitpick that entire last episode to hell for the thousand different moments that are written weirdly, like that one scene where Ryo doesn’t notice that Akira’s bottom half has been removed. Also, that ending shot was way to one the nose in looking like End of Evangelion. I know the Devilman manga came before Eva, but I don’t care. Why is the sea even red?
Despite all my complaining, I still like this show. The characters are fun, even if they really aren’t that complex (especially all the characters that aren’t Ryo and Akira). The world-building is imaginative and awe-inspiring, many of the action scenes are pretty cool, and there are moments when the minimal animation does work. 
Also, sometimes it’s nice to have a story that’s willing to be as bleak as this one, and as weird as this one.
To be honest, I feel like it could be weirder. I generally understood what was going on most of the time. In fact, the most confusing scenes were from the ordinary slice-of-life segments, like when that family had that giant The Last Supper painting.
I also think an idea which is carried out to its fullest is the idea of apathy. It’s the source of most of the conflict between Ryo and Akira. The ending sees Ryo destroying everything, including the one person he cares about, in his pursuits. It’s a tragic irony, I guess.
I feel like it would hit more if we had more time with these characters. What was Ryo’s reaction to learning that he was Satan and that everything he knew was a lie? What was the nature of his relationship with Psycho Jenny? What were Ryo’s actual motivations beyond “destroying humanity”.
If Ryo’s goals were more fleshed out, than the irony of him accomplishing his goals at the cost of the one thing that truly mattered to him would hit much harder.
This is definitely a story which you’re supposed to feel, not understand, but I don’t think I felt everything the show wanted me to feel. 
Another victim of the quick pacing is a lack of atmosphere. Now, the show does have a few sequences with some fantastic, otherworldly atmosphere, like the beginning. However, there are many times when it would be nice if the story could slow down a bit and let us enjoy the imagery.
The lack of atmosphere in the final episode is also a result of how needlessly complex the show can be sometimes. A lot of lore is thrown into our face in that episode, as well as a lot of character backstory and insight. A lot also happens in that 25 minutes. It would be nice if we got time to digest what was happening. 
I feel like I need to stop, because it seems like I dislike this show, but, there were times when I was on its wavelength. 
There is some beautiful and horrific imagery in here. I love Satan’s design, and I feel like it actually works with the minimalist artsyle. 
A lot of the scenes showing nuclear war in the last episode were pretty breathtaking, as the show is pretty great at showing scale and grandiosity. The use of filters really helps to sell the effect. The flashbacks to Ryo and Akira’s childhood also had an awesome juxtaposition, with these brightly colored childhood memories that use these long shots clashing with the dark and frantically edited present.
There are also many scenes of brutality earlier in the series that are legitimately pretty shocking, mainly the massacre at the track meet.
This is a series that has a lot going for it, but it ultimately stumbles at the finish line, ending up seeming more like an ant by the feet of the stories that the manga inspired.
However, they say the book is always better, so I’ll be sure to check it out.
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spammreviews · 3 months
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S:
8. Street of Gravestones/ Tombs/ Gravetown-
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This is one of Ito’s cleverest stories. 
While there is some great imagery at the end, most of the terror in the story comes from the feelings of paranoia and guilt.
The story begins with these two characters: Kaoru and a guy, and they’re all right characters. They have personalities and a fun sibling-like banter. That makes sense, because they are siblings.
The two of them are visiting a town where a friend of Kaeoru lives when they accidentally run over a person, killing them.
Not wanting to be charged with manslaughter, they stuff the person in their trunk.
The rest of the story has terror that unfolds in two different plotlines:
The first is our two main characters trying to keep the dead body a secret.
The second is our two main characters exploring the mysteries of this town.
These two plotlines meet together multiple times, and they also come to a head at the same time.
Mr. Ito does a great job at building the tension by slowly revealing more and more information and showing stranger and stranger sights.
It turns out the person they hit was the sister of Kaoru’s friend, and this just increases the anxiety. Then, Kaoru’s friend starts acting suspicious, and you slowly begin to realize that there is no way this will end well.
Not only that, but the story never loses its main idea: guilt. The main characters did something bad, and they’re afraid of the consequences, but that just leads to more consequences, and all the while, they feel like shit.
There’s a great part where the two of them realize that the guilt will always live with them even if they manage to make it out of this situation. That’s a really great moment that’s not even about the supernatural elements of the story.
The ending of this story is also perfectly tragic, as it basically robs our main characters of the ability to repent or atone. Kaoru finally realizes that she needs to fess up and accept the consequences, but it’s too late.
7. Army of One/ Billions Alone-
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This is the story where a mysterious group sews people together.
This story is very on the nose. There’s a part where our lonely main character thinks to himself “Being on your own’s the only way.”
However, that’s my only problem.
Other than that, oh ho ho!
Mr. Ito was cooking with this concept:
There’s a guy who’s lonely and afraid of human connection, and just as he’s starting to come out of his shell, some force starts sewing together anyone who meets up in a large group.
This story gets loneliness and social isolation in the way only very few stories get. It also gets how closely it’s tied with self hatred, with our main character thinking that everyone trying to talk to him is just being nice to him.
I feel bad for our main character.
I also like how the force trying to get people together has the opposite effect, increasing isolation.
This story also has an excellent structure. Our cold open is someone seeing two people sewn together, which is a very intriguing set up. Then, we are introduced to our main character. That scene is fairly heavy-handed, but it still succeeds as an introduction both to him and to the plot with the class reunion.
The rest of the plot is a slow buildup. The number of people sewn together always increases each time.
Everytime we see some people sewn together, there are more than there were before. It also slowly becomes more and more clear that this isn’t the work of a few people, but some sort of force.
Throughout this, our main character is slowly given more and more incentives to get out of his shell while also simultaneously being given more reasons not to.
The very ending is a bit odd. None of our questions are answered, but it works well as a great way of giving our character one last kick in the teeth.
I do object to the fact that it shows a dog being killed.
This story also never really says anything about loneliness, unlike two of the stories listed above it.
Overall, the cool concept, very memorable imagery, and perfect structure of this story makes it one of Ito’s best.
6. Madonna/The Witch-
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(Spoilers)
I like horror stories with religious imagery because religion is pretty spooky.
This is the story about the girl at the catholic boarding school, and there’s a lot of salt. 
The most interesting thing about this story is the character of the principal, a man who dates young women, believing them to be the virgin mary, and then ditching them when they grow “old and ugly”. It’s sort of an exploration of the idea of the divine feminine.
This principal worships a divine feminine, but he’s worshiping an ideal of femininity. Women aren’t gods, they grow up, they get mad at you sometimes, and they have bad hair days.
This shows how idealization is not the opposition of dehumanization. When we idolize someone, we’re just dehumanizing them in a different way. This principal, despite worshiping a woman and being really horny for women, is totally sexist. He worships the virgin Mary for her beauty and her innocence and her purity, not for her bravery or strength. He can only see her as a woman, not as a person.
This mindset leads him to attempt to molest a teenage girl.
When we meet the titular character of this story, the principal’s wife, she seems like a total bitch. However, it quickly becomes clear that her attitude is a result of her husband. She blames her husband’s infidelity on herself. Obviously, she is righteously angry at her husband, but we see that she is ashamed of her anger- which is stupid, but this is a result of her being manipulated by her husband (and also a society which views women as objects).
When the principal’s wife prays to the virgin mary, she asks forgiveness for aging, not having a baby, and feeling emotions. There are all things that humans do. She wants to be this beautiful and pure and holy person her husband once saw her as, but she can’t be because she’s human. 
As a result, she takes out her anger on other women. 
And, like the complete piece of shit he is, the principal goes “Man, my wife sure is angry all the time.” Dude, she’s angry because you’re a piece of shit! The book literally says that the principal cheating on her turned her into the “angry witch woman”.
However, that’s how a lot of men are like, and also how the world treats women. It’s like what America Ferrara says in that monologue in Barbie about how women need to meet all these criteria.
It’s also funny that the principal is a man who worships a virgin but cheats on his second wife. 
Junji Ito loves evil women who hate other women and want to be beautiful, but the principal’s wife in this story is the best version of this, as we understand why she is this way.
This story actually investigates sexism and beauty standards through the vision of religion.
Oh, also, it’s mentioned how everyone in the special class at the school is really pretty, which makes this whole school seem like one massive grooming campaign by the principal.
Overall, this is a pretty perfect story. I guess I can critique the fact that the main character, the girl who goes to the school, is kind of a nothing character, but this story is more centered around the ideas.
Plus, this character is actually kind of active in the story, being the one to start the entire final confrontation. 
Not only that, but the imagery of people turning into salt is pretty horrific.
5. Hellstar Remina
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This story is the shit.
Firstly, a giant planet that eats other planets? Fantastic.
Not only that, but this story works well as an exploration of fame. It’s on-the-nose, sure, but so what?
This story is also fantastic at portraying mass panic.
Also, while our main character, Remina, is lacking in the personality department, she’s still an easy character to root for because she’s a child who doesn’t deserve what’s happening. Even before everything goes to shit, I still feel bad for her because she’s shy and doesn’t like being famous.
Let’s start from the beginning. 
Something I like is how there are all of these men in her life trying to comfort her and they all fail.
This is a story about how uncomfortable being idolized is. Every man Remina meets seems to want something out of her.
It’s also probably creepy as a child to have a bunch of adult men show up with flowers and tell you they love you.
The beginning is pretty well paced. We get enough time to set everything up before people realize Remina (the planet) is heading towards earth and then shit hits the fan.
We get a pretty realistic view of how conspiracy theories form, with people finding patterns where there are none.
Our protagonists run around a bit as people try to kill them, and that’s exciting, I guess. The story slowly becomes more and more action-heavy until it’s nothing but constant action.
We also get lots of torture, and it does start to feel like cruelty for cruelty’s sake. I get the point, that this mob is so messed up they’re willing to torture a little girl, but after a bit, it starts to feel indulgent.
However, I think it’s interesting that the hooded man licking the human Remina is compared to the planet Remina licking earth. Like, the planet Remina is a giant beast whose only desire is consumption, and I guess the hooded man is similar.
The homeless man also talks about how the planet Remina thinks the earth is beautiful, which is why it’s taking its time. That’s a really random thing to say, so I guess Ito was trying to make the point more clear.
Moving on, the planet Remina is very horrifying as a concept, and the surface of the planet has some very creative imagery.
The ending of the story is also wonderfully bleak.
4. Lovesick Dead/ Lovesickness-
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(Spoilers)
This is the story about the tall dude at the crossroads who tells women to kill themselves.
A key theme in a lot of Ito’s stories is superstition and tradition. However, even when there are supernatural additions, the superstition isn’t true, and oftentimes, it hurts the characters.
I don’t know if Ito knows about the superstition of the “devil at the crossroads”, as it’s a very American superstition, but this story definitely reminds me of it.
Anywhoo, the main character of our story is a boy named Ryusuke, and he’s one of Ito’s more well defined characters, in the sense that he is an extremely moody teenager.
We later learn that this is because of some pretty serious trauma he had as a child, and this trauma is a result of the crossroads and the superstition around it.
Our main character’s relationship with a girl he likes, Midori, is also really interesting. Ryusuke likes her, but he’s afraid of human interaction due to the guilt he feels. As a result, Midori thinks he doesn’t like her. That’s some very realistic drama. 
Ryusuke’s fear is something that a lot of people can relate to. 
In this beginning part, we are also introduced to a character named Suzue, a friend of Midori. At first, we see Suzue serving as an intermediate between the two, only to keep on failing.
However, after she goes to the crossroads, she is told to worry about herself, and she then decides to try to date Ryusuke, constantly hounding him despite him clearly not being interested in her. That part just sucks. That is the quickest time I’ve seen a character be set up and then assassinated.
I get that the magic of the crossroads man is causing this, and she is as much of a victim as everyone else, but it still annoys me. 
Then, Suzue kills herself so that Ryusuke can feel bad about it.
That’s kind of a…waste of a character.
I suppose the idea is that Suzue already liked Ryusuke, but she was nice enough to hide that. However, the thin man magically affected her, making her devoted to this one singular idea, as that’s what the thin man does. He doesn’t change people’s opinions, he merely makes them obsessed with one thing. 
The problem is, we are getting a female character killing herself, and this extremely tragic event is mostly in service of the character growth of a male character.
However, it is after that when the story gets really good. Ryusuke does some snooping at the crossroads, but people keep asking him his fortune, so he has to start giving people fortunes, but he’s all nice about it. This makes him the opposite of the thin evil dude. Hmmmm…I wonder if this is foreshadowing anything.
That is great character shit right there. This guy is trying to make up for his past deeds by saving others and being good. However, we see that through this, he is sacrificing his own mental health.
This makes him similar to the victims of the thin dude at the crossroads, as he becomes devoted to a singular concept and a singular goal, thereby hurting both his mental and psychical health.
Then, Rysusuke encounters a woman who is similar to the woman who is the source of his trauma.
Now, this part of the story works for me because it forces Ryusuke to confront his trauma by encountering such a similar situation. However, Ryusuke’s desire to right the wrong leads to the woman constantly hounding him and obsessing over him.
There’s the idea that constantly devoting yourself to others means that you can hurt yourself.
Ryusuke is, in the immortal words of Rainbow Kitten Surprise, “too busy saving others to save (himself)”. In many ways, Ryusuke’s help starts to even make the woman’s situation worse.
Eventually, Ryusuke realizes that the woman is just committing acts to make her life worse, and the woman reveals this is because the tall evil dude told her that her problem wasn’t serious enough.
That’s such an interesting psychological idea, as it means that the tall dude is sort of like a paranoid voice inside someone’s head.
The idea of someone committing these acts of self destruction because they feel the need to prove their pain is interesting, even if that’s now how I think self-destruction works. 
This whole part of the story is a very interesting examination of trauma and trying to help others.
However, it also has the problem of being a story where a woman’s internal turmoil is merely in service of a male character’s growth, it’s well done growth, sure, but still…
Obviously, the woman Ryusuke is dealing with is mentally ill. The story isn't saying “Don’t help mentally ill women” it’s “If you’re a seventh grader you probably don’t have the skills to help a mentally ill woman, and she instead needs a psychologist or something.”
The idea is that Ryusuke has all of this guilt which leads him to:
A. distance himself from others, and
B. put all of this responsibility on his shoulders, despite him being to young to carry that burden.
However, still…
The only other female character in this story who is given any amount of depth similar to Ryusuke is Midori, the girl Ryusuke likes. However, she also later gets corrupted by the evil dude and ends up killing herself. 
Female suicide seems to be a plot device in this story.
That’s unfortunate because, if it weren’t for that, this story would probably be number one.
As the story goes on, we also see how many girls have begun to worship the tall evil dude like some sort of celebrity. They see him as some sort of almost messianic figure meant to save them from the pain of lovesickness.
That’s a very interesting idea.
The problem is, women and girls aren’t the only people who fall in love. Obviously, this story shows that, as we get multiple male characters motivated by love, but they’re also never victimized by the tall evil dude. 
The story progresses, and stuff gets worse for our main character before it gets better.
The conclusion of this story kind of makes it all worth it, as it’s equal parts tragic and hopeful.
Ryusuke becomes this opposing figure to the tall evil dude, making people do good by giving people good fortunes. We see that he’s actually helping other people on, and he’s also making other people help other people on.
The sad thing is, he’s also dead. He’s a ghost. The happiness/closure he’s giving others is something he can never attain.
Obviously, the central idea of this story is closure and moving on. Obviously, the ghosts in this story need to move on from the living, just as our characters need to move on from their grief and love. What Ryusuke does is tell the ghosts to move on.
The biggest problem with this story is that it’s a bit to casual about the idea of suicide, wich is a big problem with a lot of Junji Ito stories. It also depicts all these women as being obsessive and lovesick and emotional. Of course, there is also that one random boy who tries to kill Ryusuke because he had a crush on Suzue. Also, it’s not like Ito is afraid to depict men in that way, as that’s the entirety of Tomie. Also, our main character is also obsessive and lovesick and emotional, even if he’s much more reserved and stoic about it.
We also do see how two of the suicides are a result of one man being a douche. 
The thing is, this story isn’t interesting in examining gender. It’s about grief, the dangers of singular obsession, and moving on. 
Another interesting idea in this story is people wanting guidance from this spirit. However, the idea is that they should think for themselves.
There’s an argument to be made that this is Ito’s best story, as it’s probably the most interesting to discuss, and it’s the most psychological. I feel like I’m just scratching the surface here.
With most Ito stories, the plot is driven mostly by the environment around the characters. However, the actions of Ryusuke are central to this narrative, and his actions are very clearly driven by  his internal psychology and the journey he is going through. A lot of the protagonists in Mr. Ito’s stories are just people who have stumbled into situations, but this situation seems to be specifically catered to Ryusuke’s growth as a character.
As such this is easily Ito’s most character driven story, so it helps that the characters are actually three dimensional people. 
We feel like we know Ryusuke personally, which makes the ending really effective. 
Ryusuke’s fear of connection very clearly parallels the character of Batman in the cinematic masterpiece The Lego Batman movie. 
Both characters learn that it's still worth it to form meaningful connections, even if there’s the risk of them getting hurt.
As Batman said, “Losing people is part of life, but that doesn’t mean you stop letting them in.”
The tragedy of Lovesickness is that, despite his realization, Ryusuke still ends up becoming a ghost figure, doomed to help people reach an enlightenment he can never enjoy. What makes this tragedy all the more effective is the fact that it basically gives him exactly what he wanted all along.
Despite how long that review was, I still feel like I’m missing a lot of important details, and I need to re-read the story to add more.
3. Uzumaki-
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(Spoilers)
There was no way that Uzumaki was ever going to end up lower than this. This book has some of the best imagery of Ito’s entire career, with body horror that sticks with you years after.
There’s an obvious parallel between this story and the difficulty in running away from trauma. This town is something inescapable, a place which traps everyone in a giant spiral. 
Not only that, but our main characters are very much so defined by trauma, with our main male character, Shuichi, having to deal with the loss of two parents at the hands of the spiral.
Of course, that makes the ending pretty defeatist.
However, we’ll get to that.
While this idea isn’t something that I can relate to, I know that there are a lot of people who have experienced the same desire to escape from their hometown and their past.
Shuichi’s words to Kirie at the beginning of the story read like the lyrics to a Bruce Springstein song. “Let’s leave this town together. We’ll go crazy if we stay here.” isn’t far off from “Oh baby, this town rips the bones from your back…we gotta get out while we’re young.” (Born to Run).
The subtext of Suichi’s words is that he is afraid that he’ll become like his parents if he stays there. 
Let’s talk about characters. They’re very fun, even if they’re just your usual Ito archetypes. Shuichi is basically the classic emo boy, but he’s executed with a level of realism. He has many eccentricities, like the way he constantly apologizes for everything (especially his parents), the way often starts saying something then goes “nevermind”, and his constant neuroticism.
Kirie is also the archetype of the proper final girl. However, once again, she feels realistic. She’s a genuinely nice person with a cheerful personality, and she bounces off of Shuichi fantastically.
Our first episode in this story is a pretty tight one, seeing Shuichi’s father obsessing over spirals. Ito once again shows his skill at slowly building up the tension, with each event weirder than the last. This all builds up towards one of the most horrifying images I’ve ever seen. If you’ve read the book, then you know what I mean. That whole scene is just perfect with its suspense. We already know that the Dad is dead, but we don’t know how, and we get this entire page of just the lid of the bath being opened.
This story also has Ito executing his ideas of obsession pretty much perfectly. A man’s obsession with spirals drives him apart from his family, turns him into a jerk, and then finally kills him. While that isn’t something that has killed him, there are many parallels between this and many real-world issues.
Our second story is also pretty horrific, seeing Shuichi’s Mom slowly spiraling into insanity. I do really appreciate how so many of the events in this story have consequences, as it’s neat when the events actually affect our characters.
It’s also pretty disturbing to watch Shuichi’s Mom’s descent, as it feels very real. We saw in the first chapter that her husband was abusive to her, and now spirals sort of represent him. 
There’s also this fear that she is going to end up like him. Shuichi’s Mom doesn’t want to go to a mental hospital because they planned on sending Shuichi’s Dad there. The hallucinations of Shuichi’s Dad tell the mother to “join him”. Her desire not to be like her husband leads her to taking the opposite approach to spirals, but these both lead the characters to the same place.
Despite all of this, the Mom does have brief moments of lucidity which make this feel all the more real.
It’s also easy to feel bad for Shuichi, who has to watch all of this happen to his Mom. We see how Shuichi keeps going to all of these lengths to care for his Mom, but it’s not enough in the end, and his job is a thankless one. There are also many parallels to this story and real life. Also, Shuichi is a teenager who has no idea how to handle the situation. There’s a great scene where he kind of snaps at his Mom, and it’s perfect because of how real it feels. Shuichi isn’t doing a great job at taking care of his Mom because he doesn’t know how and he shouldn’t be in this position. 
It’s also easy to feel bad about Kirie, who very clearly cares for Shuichi, but doesn’t know how to comfort him.
These first two chapters paint a fantastic depiction of how hopeless the situation is. The situation is bad, and it’s going to keep getting worse, spreading like a disease, with every event causing another one.
Then, the third chapter centers around a completely new character.
Oh, well. This chapter is also pretty great, as it is about the pretty girl with the birthmark, and it features that image everyone loves making fanart of.
This chapter does continue the idea of obsession. Birthmark Girl has a similar problem to Shuichi’s Dad, and it causes them to have a similar fate.
While this story is a step down in terms of pathos and interesting psychology, it does show a progression in scale and the supernatural.
The fourth chapter centers around Kirie’s dad making spooky pottery.
The drama in it is nice. I like the part where Kirie has to literally drag Shuichi to go have dinner at her place. The whole dinner scene is also interesting, as it features Shuichi being confronted with reminders of his Dad’s demise and Kirie’s Dad being just the biggest asshole about it. It feels pretty real. Many people are not very empathetic to others' mental struggles. There’s a line where Kirie’s mom muses that Shuichi is overreacting, and it’s like “Yeah, he’s overreacting because his parents are both dead. People are irrational sometimes. That’s a symptom of distress.” However, this is a positive, as I can definitely see this happening in real life.
This chapter is a bit underwhelming in the scare department, however, as nothing really bad happens. Well, their house burns down, but no one really dies, so it’s alright.
I do like how this chapter sees Kirie and Shuichi being active participants in the story, with Kirie calling Shuichi to destroy the kiln in order to save her family. Something I’ve never noticed is that it’s previously mentioned that Shuichi is afraid of going to Kirie’s house because it’s located near Dragonfly Pond, but when Kirie says she’s in danger, he rushes over there.
There’s a bit of a character arc given to Shuichi in this chapter, and this character arc actually affects the story! Shuichi changed for the better, and as a result, he was awarded! That’s how good writing works!
The chapter after this is the Romeo and Juliet one. It’s just cool body horror. Thumbs up.
It does have the problem of having some very convoluted drama between a large cast of characters introduced in this one chapter, but the ending has some very creative imagery.
It also does have some nice character progression for both Shuichi and Kirie, with Shuichi originally not wanting anything to do with the story and with Kirie being fine with interfering by herself, but the two of them eventually working together.
Also, their actions once again actually affect the story, so that’s nice.
The sixth chapter is the hair one. It may be the weakest story of the lot, as it engages in to many classic Junji Ito tropes (suicide, a girl who is obsessed with being very pretty, people acting unwise due to their horniness). It also feels pretty inconsequential, and it doesn’t help that hair isn’t that scary.
However, there’s nothing insulting about this chapter.
Something I’ve realized on my eighth or so re-read of this book is that the side characters in this story act weirder as it goes along. In the first two stories, everyone’s pretty normal, but then we get events like the random teacher telling Kiri to “fix” her hair when it’s fucking magically floating. These instances of nonsensical side character actions will grow over the course of the story, with the slug story being a pretty great example.
The seventh chapter is the jack in the box one! It’s fucked up. The body horror at the end is disturbing AF.
It also has a fantastic moment of comedy where Shuichi explains that he’s going to hammer a stake into a corpse to prevent it from waking up…despite not knowing if that will work. It’s like he’s semi-genre aware. A lot of supernatural horror stories have characters researching the supernatural in order to defeat it, or hiring an expert such as Van Helsing, but that is never seen as an option in this story, and I like that.
It’s also funny how Shuichi is also acting like he knows what’s going on, but he’s clearly as clueless as everyone else, the only difference is that he’s just had a bunch of experiences with the spiral.
The eighth chapter is the snail chapter. The snail chapter is such a chapter.
We start off with this rather pudgy kid who’s lazy, and that may be my biggest complaint about the chapter. The setup is kind of a dumb fat joke.
However, the execution isn’t silly at all. Seeing this kid slowly turning into a snail is pretty horrific.
I also love the fact that he keeps coming to school. It’s so bizarre, but the story treats this all like it is dead serious.
Junji Ito often has problems with tone, but the tone here is pitch perfect. It takes something that is disturbing in a weird way and also kind of campy, and then it treats it with total seriousness. Even though the concept is a joke, the story never makes any jokes. In fact, the biggest emotion I feel at the beginning is sympathy for this poor kid who is being bullied.
The story also tries to make the situation make sense by saying that he had been “hiding in the hills”, and he hadn’t been at his house in days. Of course, that raises the question of why the school didn’t contact the parents before this, but they do eventually contact the kid’s parents.
Whatever.
The next absolutely bizarre occurrence in the story is the class keeping the snail kid as a pet. It works because it has a certain logic to it. Like, where else is the kid going to go? Of course, what makes this chapter really work is that the jerk who bullied the pudgy kid before turns into a snail. It’s such a simple act of karma that works so perfectly.
Then, the two snails have snail sex.
At this point while first reading the story, I thought to myself that this could not get any weirder. I’m wrong, as this story has a beautifully bizarre ending. 
This story is so close to not working, but it manages to thread the needle between horror and humor just right. It’s an extremely delicate balance that is achieved with the help of some excellent art.
The chapter after that is the lighthouse chapter, which is just kind of unnoteworthy, as it’s nowhere near as bizarre as the preceding story. However, it does let Kirie once again be an active character whose decisions affect the story. It also does show how the scale of the spiral is growing.
We are brought back into bizarreness with the next two chapters, the hospital stories with the pregnant ladies who become vampires and their weird mushroom babies.
Both of these chapters have their own wonderful little mysteries which have wonderfully bizarre solutions.
Also, I do like how these chapters are a result of Kirie being injured in the lighthouse chapter. I always like it when characters suffer injuries and we actually see them recover over an extended period of time.
My only disappointment is that we never really return to the hospital and the pregnant vampires inside.
However, after this, the chapters get really serialized as the situation gets worse very quickly.
The next chapter is the one where the storm wants to bang Kirie. I do think it’s weird that the story never reiterates on why a storm wants to bang Kirie. Also, there’s no reason why the characters survive the horny storm. They just survive.
The next chapter is the one with the tendril monster. The suspense is as good as it always is, the monster looks awesome, and the idea of becoming such a monster is horrific. However, this is the second problem within the story that just kind of solves itself.
However, this story goes to the next level when shit really hits the fan in the following chapters.  It is then when we see the spiral wrapping in people from outside Koruz-cho, such as the reporter character. I’ve complained previously about stories suddenly shifting perspective, but it works in this story because the outsider perspective makes for a perfect pair of eyes to see the new state of Koruz-cho.
In these chapters, we get more snail people and people eating the snail people and the evil whirlpool kids and it’s all delightfully crazy. I love seeing all of the ways the society of Koruz-cho breaks down, as it, once again, feels very real. There’s a spectrum of asshole-ness amid the citizens of Koruz-cho. Some people are down right evil, some are chaotic jerks, and others are just kind of apathetic. The diminishment of resources has made people head into “survival of the fittest” mode.
There’s also an increase in tribalism, with the people getting all knotted together being a metaphorical representation of this.
Of course, when we get the people all knotted together in the house is when the story truly kicks into high gear. It’s some extremely horrific imagery that I think about all of the time.
The last few chapters are a never ending stream of surreality and horror, and it’s hard to put the book down. Some of Ito’s most haunting and powerful imagery comes from these chapters.
After all of this slow build up, you would assume that this finale wouldn’t live up to the hype, and yet, it totally does live up, just because of how visually overwhelming it all is. The images of those people trapped in the houses and the tangled corpses and the city underground are going to be lodged in my brain forever.
The very end is…interesting. Throughout the series, Shouchi has consistently tried to get Kirie to leave, and finally, in the 16th or so chapter, Kirie agrees. However, they can’t escape.
The ending of the final chapter sees Kirie and Shouchi accepting their fate and embracing, as there’s simply nothing else they can do.
The problem is, that kind of means the story is sort of saying that trauma is escapable.
I suppose there is some theme of companionship, that Kirie and Shouchi were able to be friends even at the end. Their relationship seems happier than Shouchi’s parents. It’s a kind of Romeo and Juliet-esque tragedy in the sense that their relationship ends when it’s at its most passionate, so we never see it decay. There’s something kind of tempting and romantic about that, but it’s also not a happy ending.
The thing about Shouchi as a character is that he’s someone who seems afraid of companionship, so the fate of becoming one of the people packed into the rooms must be pretty horrifying to him. That’s a fate faced by many people in many Ito stories. There’s a fear of a loss of individuality.
 However, the ending sees Shouchi accepting companionship, with him permanently being attached to someone else and becoming a small piece of the spiral city. This is a complete loss of individuality.
Something else I’ve always appreciated about Uzumaki is how out of time it feels. There’s a sense that it could take place anytime in the fifty years, barring a few details. It even feels culturally vague. Obviously, the names and food put its location as Japan, but it still feels like you would only need to make some minor changes, and then it could take place anywhere from Australia to Argentina to Astapor.
I guess there’s a universality to this story.
Everyone can relate to wanting to grow up as a kid.
In a sense, Shouchi is a character who is more eager to grow up than Kirie, and the ending sees Kirie’s mindset winning, with the two of them frozen in eternal youth. The spiral kind of represents an absence of change, something antithetic to the idea of growing up.
Circling back to the idea of individuality, a big part of growing up is getting your identity. After all, everyone says college is about finding yourself.
The people in the underground spiral city aren't individuals so much as they are small pieces of a whole. Shouchi’s acceptance of this shows him being willing to accept companionship. 
Also, Shouchi has spent this entire series being afraid of spirals, and then he kind of accepts becoming a spiral. I guess the idea is that the only way to obtain meaningful relationships is to face your worst fear and stand up to your trauma. 
Throughout Uzumaki, Shouchi bars himself up in his room, constantly afraid of the spiral, only to be dragged out due to his love for Kirie. Aaahhh. 
Shouchi really has no stake in the story at the end, as it’s just Kirie looking for her parents. However, he’s willing to go to Dragonfly Pond and observe the source of all his trauma for her. Aaahhh. 
Perhaps it is the dynamic between Shouchi and Kirie which makes them legitimately likable protagonists. Shouchi is a little emo boy who you can tell really likes Kirie because he keeps putting himself in situations he doesn’t like for her, and Kirie is a little sunshine girl who’s willing to spend her time trying to make Shouchi feel better. They’re opposites who complete each other.
Of course, both characters have similarities. They both like to yell when they get frustrated, they’re both pretty caring people, and they’re both rather mature for their ages, I guess. 
I’ve always liked how Shouchi and Kirie didn’t kiss or anything at the end. Like, yeah, your soulmate who you want to share oblivion with can be just a friend. That’s a really sweet message. 
Overall, Uzumaki is one of the best examples of build-up in a story. With one or two exceptions, every story in this book ramps up the tension ever so slightly before finally delivering it into one of the most horrific, imaginative, and chaotix climaxes possible.
2. The Enigma of Amigara Fault-
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(Spoilers) 
There is a french phrase, l’appel du vide, or “the call of the void”. It’s that voice telling someone to jump when they’re standing at the edge of a cliff.
Lots of Ito stories deal with that, but I think the Enigma of Amigara Fault handles it the best.
That’s because if most people were in the situation the characters were in, they would probably feel that call of the void. Imagine seeing a hole and knowing that it is just your right size. There’s something about that which seems very pleasing to my OCD. 
Of course, the idea of going into one of those holes is also terrifying. I’m sure we all had some experience as a kid where we got temporarily stuck in some sort of tight space. There’s a very certain feeling of fear associated with that, a mix between claustrophobia and the fear of loss of control. Being stuck in these holes is that taken to its most extreme extent.
Let me put this another way. Imagine there’s an itch, and you really want to scratch the itch, but that would cause you to experience the most painful event imaginable, and you won’t be able to un-do it. That’s another scary part of this story, the permanence. Going into the hole is such a simple and quick decision, but you can never go back.
What also makes this story so chilling is the fact that multiple characters say they know the hole will kill them, but they have to go in the hole. That’s such a horrifying concept, you know that there is a decision that will lead to your death/stretching out, but you also know that you will make this decision at some point.
The danger in this story feels constant, because it’s entirely psychological. The character’s can’t escape their minds.
Circling back to the call of the void, Ito is also very interested in desire in general, specifically self destructive desires. So many stories involve people going to ridiculous lengths because they’re horny.
Enigma asks “Why? Why do we desire doing things that cause us harm?” 
This question is never answered. There are ideas: loneliness, a belief that there is nothing for you in reality, a desire to escape from the uncomfortableness of a world that you don’t fit into. There’s a reason why the most famous panel in this story is a guy saying “It was made for me!” This is a person believing that some sort of destiny lies in their destruction, and that it will correct whatever is wrong about the universe or themselves.
This is a perfect story. It does a fantastic job at setting up clear stakes, with us slowly learning the consequences of stepping into a hole. Not only that, but as more and more people enter the holes, the suspense slowly builds and builds before finally bursting into a crescendo with that one last horrific image.
The concept of this story is terrifying, the pacing is perfect, the suspense is bone-chilling, the exposition never feels like too much, and even though the characters are fairly flat, I don’t really mind, as this story doesn’t require them to be anything more.
Long Dream-
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(Spoilers)
The beginning of this story does a fantastic job of setting up suspense, showing a girl in a hospital room thinking about she’s going to die, only for a mysterious silhouette to appear at the window on the door, with this alarming the girl. 
Moving on, I love how inescapable the horror is in this story. There is nothing the characters can do. 
I also like how there’s a certain point where the horror isn’t about the afflicted man wanting to stay in the waking world, but the dreaming world being preferable. That thought makes me want to sit down, curl in a corner, and not think about anything for a while. 
Also, the man liking what happens in his dream because he has fallen in love there is kind of sweet, and it has that same sense of tragedy as that one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. You know the one.
There’s sort of an evolution with the horror in this story, as it goes from psychological to existential to body horror back to psychological. This is all done seamlessly, with it feeling like a natural progression from the previous.
Another great aspect of this story is how it chooses to focus on the doctors, as they’re kind of the source of the actual conflict of the story. They’re feverishly trying to understand exactly what is going on, and all the while they have to try to control the two patients.
In many ways, the doctors are kind of jerks, as they’re not believing their patients and smallifying their issues. However, it’s probably also a real pain to have to take care of two patients suffering from a horrific unexplainable disease.
There’s no hero and villain in this story. Everyone is a victim…except for that one doctor at the end who nonconsensually infects the girl. Fuck him. I hope he dies. 
Still, he’s more than just a one dimensional villain who twiddles his thumbs, and that final moment makes for one more fantastic emotional gut punch. Also, this character starts out legitimately trying to help the patients. His descent into villainy gives him a bit of a character arc. 
Also, it’s neat that this story is from the perspective of the people trying to understand the phenomenon, rather than the direct victims of the phenomenon themselves. That is a very classic sci-fi trope. It makes sense, as we, the audience, are in the same situation as the doctors, trying to understand this phenomenon as we’re all creeped out. The ending sees a doctor basically surrendering, admitting there’s no solution to this, and this comes after the doctor spent the entire story trying to understand this illness. As such, it feels like we have also lost the battle to understand this illness.
This story is a battle versus the unknown, and the unknown wins.
Despite how fantastical the premise of Long Dream is, this is a very down to earth story. It reminds me of the Twilight Zone in that way.
Also, as a major Speculative Evolution fan, this story perfectly exemplifies why Speculative Evolution regarding humans is so captivating: the idea of humanity becoming something else is horrific, but it’s sort of the preferable option. That’s also how it is with life, where you’re going to end up becoming a different person who looks very different- and that’s if you’re lucky.
Time is the one monster none of us can defeat.
In conclusion, this is a perfect story. It’s horrifying in a hundred different ways, it’s legitimately thought provoking, and the imagery and ideas stay with you for a long time after reading it.
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
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So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
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spammreviews · 3 months
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19. Glyceride-
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(Spoilers)
This is that extremely disgusting story about grease.
Whether intentional or not, this story definitely works as a metaphor for abuse. One of the most well remembered images from this story sees the brother character squirting a liquid out of his body onto the sister. That’s a disgusting sentence. 
Even without the metaphor, this story is still very gross. Grease is gross, and grease coming out of the human body is even grosser. 
The body horror of this story is less fantastical than other body horror in Ito stories, but that makes it so effective.
Whether or not this story intentionally wants to be metaphorical, it does achieve a real life plight very well, that being the plight of people growing up in working class families where their whole life is kind of consumed by poverty. The reason for the grease issue is because their house is above a barbecue restaurant that their Dad runs, and their low-income house has sucky ventilation. So many of the problems in this story evolve from the family having to deal with this grease, with the brother being messed up because he’s bullied for his acne and also having a strange addiction to grease.
I also really appreciate the way Mount Fuji is used in this story, where it symbolizes calm and happiness to our main character, but then she has dreams where it erupts into grease. As a result, Mount Fuji no longer refreshes her. Her situation has engulfed every aspect of her life, and there’s no real escape from her trauma. Even her sort of happy place becomes a reminder. That’s really fucked up. 
Also, the use of the oil index also works as a great way for this story to have a build to it.
Also also, the thing about the Dad giving the main character oil to drink in her sleep is so fucked up. The main character thinks he’s trying to turn her into her brother, but I’ve always assumed she’s wrong and the Dad is just so absorbed into his way of life he forgets some people are different. 
No matter what the reason for the force feeding, it works well as a metaphor for how trauma is passed on, I guess. The Dad doesn’t know how to be a Dad, so he just ends up forcing his shitty tendencies onto his children. 
Of course, it was probably Ito’s intention that the Dad was giving the daughter grease because he was planning on killing her and serving her as food, because it’s implied that the son was served as food, and we get a page where some customers ask the Dad where he’s going to get more meat. This page is immediately before the page where the Mount Fuji oil dream occurs, with this presumably being the first night that the Dad force fed the girl oil. 
Moving on, the ending of this story is sudden, but there’s really no other way it could have been done. Where else could it go? 
Overall, any complaint I could have involving this story really doesn’t matter because the point of this story is to be as gross and disturbing as possible, and it succeeds with flying colors. That one panel I talked about in the beginning makes me gag everytime I look at it, as do many of the panels with the brother character. For hours after, there’s usually a very bad taste in my mouth.
I feel like I need to sit down now.
18. The Earthbound- 
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I like how one of the darkest and unsettling Ito stories begins with a pretty funny joke. There’s a man standing still in a weird position in a public area, with a bunch of people staring at him. One of the people asks “Is he busking?” It’s silly.
Anywhoo, this is the story where people all across the world are stuck frozen in one place. It’s quite an intriguing concept, and the beginning of this story, which simply sees people reacting to this event, is interesting purely because of that.
However, the story doesn’t decrease in quality when we are introduced to our main character, Asano, as I like her. She has the same traits as the usual Junji Ito heroine, a nice girl who is nice.
However, she is very nice. Her first scene has her going to one of the earthbound and explaining that she’s with an organization trying to help him. She’s acting very respectful towards him, saying they’re not trying to “cure” him and all that. It was nice to see a social worker be good.
The scene after that is a step up, as we see Asano not only have to deal with an earthbound, but with the mother of the earthbound. This scene has a nice bit of pathos to it, with the Mom very clearly experiencing a huge amount of emotions. She’s kind of being rude to Asano, but Asano is being polite because the Mom is in obvious distress.
I like how, after that one joke, this story takes its concept very seriously, milking lots of drama out of it.
This scene with the mom and her earthbound son has many parallels to half a dozen events.
Overall, what a fantastic introduction. We get the tone, the core concept, and we’re introduced to our characters.
From there on out, the story can only get more interesting. We learn Asano’s backstory, and it was at this point when I figured out the big twist of this story. However, the predictability of the twist made the moment all the more impactful.
I also thought that Asano’s backstory added a really interesting dimension to her character. There are a lot of stories here where women are brutalized mostly just for shock value, but this story is one where the main character is a woman who experienced brutality long ago, meaning that we have the chance to explore how she deals with this trauma.
The story also raises the stakes by having the earthbound begin to freeze, and we get a legitimately pretty sad scene with the mom and the earthbound son from before.
The story ends pretty quickly after the twist is revealed, I guess because there’s really nothing left to do. There’s no real resolution to the mother with the earthbound son, but that’s kind of the point. This is a tragic story where nothing gets better. It’s just a bunch of people trying to deal with a reality that they can’t change.
Overall, this is one of the more grounded stories here.
17. The Bully-
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I don’t need to explain this. If you’re familiar with Junji Ito, then you know about The Bully.
There’s the boy, Nao, and the girl, Kuriko.
It’s interesting that Kuriko doesn’t start out as a bully, just as a rather ill-tempered chill. However, she gets annoyed with Nao being around and being clingy, and, not being good at using communication skills, she decides to scare him away by being a jerk.
That’s kind of how a lot of people are in general, where they don’t want human companionship, so they just act like a jerk to everyone around them.
It’s interesting how her reasons for abuse grow from simply wanting to scare him away to her enjoying it. She’s made a habit out of it. However, it appears she only made a habit out of doing it to this one boy, which is interesting. We see from before that she has a lot of anger at everyone, as kids often have, and she’s taking it all out on this one kid. 
She starts to act the traits of your classic abuser (despite being a child), saying that she’ll leave him if he doesn’t do things, and not wanting him to talk to others.
You know what’s disturbing? The way the kid later says that she was the only one who would play with him. So, the only reason why the kid is hanging out with her is because he doesn’t know what good friendship is like and he thinks that if he doesn’t have her, then he’ll have no one.
The idea of two children being in an abusive relationship seems absurd, but this story does it in such a way that it feels perfectly logical and realistic.
However, while this whole first 3/4th is a bit disturbing, it doesn’t get really disturbing until Nao and Kuriko’s child is born.
The son looks exactly like Nao, and we get a scene where he acts like him, and the son is framed just like Nao was before, pulling on Kuriko’s dress.
The rest of the story is just slowly growing, skin-tingling horror.
The ending has such a messed up insinuation.
It makes me want to vomit.
The whole thing is so fucked up. Like, adult Nao leaving and abandoning Kuriko made that resistance to human companionship come back.
This is a story which works exactly because it is realistic. Despite how ridiculous this is, I believe it can happen, and that’s scary.
16. Den of the Sleep Demon-
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(Spoilers)
This is the story about the guy who turns inside out when he goes to sleep.
Firstly, horror stories where the monster attacks whenever you sleep are always terrifying, obviously. Sleep is something we have to all do, and it’s when we’re at our most vulnerable.
The idea of turning inside out is as creative as it is absolutely horrifying.
I quite like the main character of this story, as he’s a depressed writer who smokes, which is a fun archetype.
I like how much the guy’s apartment communicates his character. Obviously, it’s messy, with not  alot of furniture, and he also has an acoustic guitar and what I’m pretty sure is a poster of the Beatles.
The ending here is also super horrific.
There’s also this idea that the creature turning the guy inside out is his dreams manifested. This is a guy who is depressed and kind of hates reality. However, the guy talks about how his dreams could never be a place of escape for him, as they were as real as the real world. Maybe that’s why he’s a fiction writer who owns a bunch of books. 
While the main girl doesn’t have much of a personality, there is something very sweet about their relationship, how she’s willing to stay by this guy during all of this time. 
At one point, the girl asks the guy a question, what he thinks the dream demon wants from the real world, and the guy doesn’t respond, suggesting that he doesn’t know what is good about the real world. However, later on, the guy kind of casually says that the only reason why he’s resisting the dream demon is because he doesn’t want to leave this world because of the girl. That’s sweet and also really heartbreaking.
At one point, the girl literally says “I’ll keep you anchored.” She’s the part of reality that is better than fantasy, and the guy’s desire for her keeps him staying in reality.
However, the end sees them both going into the dream world together. In a sense, it’s sweet. However, it’s also extremely disturbing. First off, you shouldn’t live in a fantasy. Second off, it’s sort of like his issues sucked her in as well. It seems like she was the one thing the guy cared about, and he ended up hurting her.
Even with all of this aside, the imagery in the back half of this chapter is like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and that last line is very funny. I like it when demons quip.
Wait a minute, dream demon who makes quips. Shit. Freddy…
15. Hallucinations-
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(Spoilers)
I really like stories about characters slowly going insane with guilt, and I also LOVE stories where it’s unclear what is real and what is not.
This is the story about a teenage boy who has killed his best friend due to jealousy about his height, and his guilt leads him to hallucinating people with long necks.
The beginning of this story does a great job at putting us in our main character’s headspace. He’s not even really certain if he killed his friend or not, and he also doesn’t even seem one hundred percent sure what his motives really were.
Obviously, the reason why our main character killed his best friend is not just because his best friend was taller. It was because he and his best friend used to be the same size, but, upon hitting puberty, his best friend’s growth spurt made him more popular and made more girls attracted to him.
Now, obviously, that doesn’t make a huge amount of sense, but this story has already established the idea that our main character is unreliable. The best friend probably got more popular and attracted more chicks due to a multitude of reasons, our main character has merely focused on this one reason. 
Also, when you’re a kid, height is often seen as equivalent to being older, so it’s also possible that the best friend had matured more.
There’s also the suggestion that the two of them were growing apart, with the best friend spending more time hanging out with chicks.
Ito has many stories about women feeling bad because of their appearance, but this is the only time he’s depicted a man feeling bad about his appearance. There’s a specificity to our main character’s thoughts which makes the depiction work better.
It’s clear the hallucinations of long necks represent both our main character’s guilt and his feelings of inferiority.
What I like about this story is that our main character actually talks to a psychologist, or rather, his cousin who is a psychology major. Of course, we the audience can assume that he only told his cousin about the hallucinations, not the murders, so his diagnosis is faulty. This diagnosis is that our main character is hallucinating because he is isolated, as his parents are overseas. I do like how we are given this knowledge, as it lets us understand our main character a bit more.
This is one of Ito’s most character focused stories. Our main character even kind of goes through a character arc, kind of, a rarity for Mr. Ito.
My biggest problem with this story is the ending. It’s a wonderful “Oh shit!” moment and a legitimately surprising twist. However, it kind of takes away a bit of the impact of our main character’s descent into insanity.
Still, this is a story with some very fun, very clever character work, and also some really creative imagery.
14. Black Paradox-
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Black Paradox is unique among the Ito canon, as it’s a big story with very little body horror.
The story begins with a group of four people all planning a group suicide.
On their drive to the place where they plan to kill themselves, our characters all state their reasons. This works as a nice way to familiarize us with these characters. This scene also has some fun foreshadowing in it.
I also like the way we slowly see more and more events showing that there is something wrong going on. This is buildup for a delicious bizarre sequence, and that’s the end of chapter one.
Chapter two begins with our characters going off to kill themselves again, which is darkly humorous, especially considering the fact that this second attempt also goes poorly.
Chapter two ends on a darkly comedic note, with our characters putting off killing themselves to start a business selling souls. I do love it when characters treat the supernatural very casually, like in the film Talk To Me. I also think it’s funny that these characters discover something which fundamentally changes the way we see the universe and decide to make a profit out of it.
By chapter three, the story is entirely a dark comedy. It works because of how absurd it is, these characters talking about how much profit they can make off of souls.
The characters are a mixed bag.
I like Pii-tan, the tall guy with the moustache, because he has a funny character design. Also, he’s the most innocent character among the group.
Another fun character is the blonde lady with the glasses. Her vaguely asshole nature is funny. One of my favorite lines in this comic is probably when she says, “Everyone knows the hardest substance on earth is diamond.” because I always read it in a condescending voice. She has the vibes of a business major, which is a fun character type.
A character I like somewhat less is the black-haired boy, as he’s kind of a jerk, but in a much more subdued and a much less interesting way. The cover image shows him with red hair, but I’m electing to ignore that.
Rounding out our group of four, there’s the black haired girl. She’s our main character, and she has no personality. Ignore the fact that the cover shows her with brown hair.
The ending of this chapter, featuring a TV program, has nothing to do with our main characters, but it is one of the most absurd things I’ve ever read. It’s simultaneously extremely dark and absolutely ridiculous.
Chapter four just continues this extremely morbid humor.
I do appreciate how much cause and effect there is in this story, with the fiery event at the end of the last chapter actually becoming a major plot point. I also like that the set up with Pii-tan in the car from a few chapters ago was paid off.
There’s also some fun horrific imagery in this chapter.
Chapter five and six get disturbing with this one doctor who is just the shittiest guy ever. 
These chapters also make great use of a suicidal robot.
It’s also kind of darkly humorous how far the characters have gone from just wanting to kill themselves.
Chapter seven does a good job of wrapping the story up, leaving it on a very subtly horrific note.
This is easily Junji Ito’s tightest and cleverest plot. Most of his plots are just random things happening and characters reacting, but this plot feels like a series of dominoes falling as a specific result of our character’s actions.
There’s also some very clever plot twists. 
This story is also fantastic at setting up rules and consistently following them. There is a well-defined logic to this story.
Pretty much everything in this story has an explanation to it. It is the least contrived story in the entire Ito canon.
I suppose I could argue that this story does minimize the act of suicide, something wich many of these stories do. However, I think that’s kind of the point. It’s supposed to feel weird that suicide is treated so casually.
13. Gyo-
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(Spoilers)
This is a rather flawed story. The best part are the people in the gas machines. They’re absolutely horrific.
However, the first half is kind of weak because the idea of fish with legs, while kind of scary, isn’t that scary.
That still doesn’t mean the beginning is bad.
The very beginning does a great job at building suspense with this scene of a dude being attacked while under water.
However, after that, we are introduced to the two main characters: Kaori and IDK.
They’re kind of annoying.
We see Kaori and IDK having an argument. Like most arguments between married/dating couples, it starts out with something small, with Kaori not wanting to kiss IDK because he has bad breath and smells like fish.
However, it quickly turns to IDK being mad that Kaori is constantly complaining about everything, despite her being the one to schedule the trip, while Kaori…she…she just doesn’t seem to be happy in this relationship.
IDK claims Kaori has been constantly complaining, but at this point, we have only seen her saying she feels a bit queasy due to the smell of the sea once. It’s not even a complaint, it’s her explaining why she wants to stop being on a boat. We see her complain later, but that doesn’t mean anything.
Of course, Kaori saying that she wants IDK to brush his teeth every time they kiss is stupid.
I think she just doesn’t like IDK, and I don’t think IDK likes her either.
I suppose this is a fairly realistic depiction of a passionate-less relationship in turmoil.
The problem with Kaori is that she spends the next chapter or so of this story doing three things: complaining about smells, being saved by IDK, and complaining about other things. She also bathes a lot.
Having your female lead do nothing but complain about smells and be saved by the male main character isn’t great.
Kaori isn’t an extremely unrealistic character, and 25% of the time, her complaints are rational. She shouldn’t be attacked by sea creatures with legs. The problem is, listening to a character do nothing but complain and be useless is annoying. 
There’s a pretty obvious comparison with Willy or whatever her name is from the second Indiana Jones film, but at least Willy goes through an arc and does a single action which ends up saving Indy and Short Round, even if it is just one action.
I’m not saying that every female character needs to be Ripley from Alien or anything, but it would be nice if your female character had more agency than a sack of potatoes.
It also doesn’t help that the drama starts to get so repetitive, like extremely repetitive. There are a million different times where Kaori asks her husband to do things, and I find that annoying.
There is also a part where she goes from “stereotype that maybe could exist” to “stereotype that probably could not exist”. The fact that she’s still complaining about the smell after the shark attack…like, I don’t think a person would do that. Even if they would, it doesn’t matter, because she does it so many times, and it’s annoying, very annoying.
Also, Kaori definitely does fit into the stereotype of the neurotic woman who slowly goes crazy, while our male lead barely seems to be scared by the events. 
To be fair, most of the time when our male lead calls the female lead delusional and devalues her emotions, he is wrong. Not only that, but it is stated that the female character has a much stronger sense of smell than he does, and she also is infected while the husband is not. That does explain their different reactions.However, there are also times when the female lead freaks out over nothing, like when she thinks she sees a fish, but it’s just a cockroach. So, yeah, we have an instance of a woman freaking out because of a big bug that the husband swats. 
Basically, this story is sexist. There’s no way around it. It indulges in sexist tropes.
However, the fish with legs do look really awesome, and it is very fun to see our characters fight them.
This whole beginning does a good job of slowly building up tension as we see more and more sea creatures and a wider and wider diversity of creatures. There’s a scene with a shark which is particularly well done, as we know the shark is going to have legs, so we’re eagerly awaiting it stepping on land. When it does, man oh man is it satisfying.
Gyo does a very good job overall at making you wait. 
So, as an apocalyptic disaster story, it works very well, and the unique premise helps it to stick out.
This story also has some rather palatable exposition dumps. The exposition dumps feel necessary, as it’s information we are eager to know, and they don’t last too long.
However, the reason why this story is so high is because of the second half.
The buildup to this second half is pretty great. Before we see a person in a gas machine, we see an arm, which makes us really excited to see what a person would look like in one of those machines, and this story definitely does not disappoint.
The story also builds up to Kaori’s infection very well, with her noticing small boils on herself before we even see the arm in the machine.
I also like the scene where the IDK  has to carry an infected Kaori on his back while running away from a shark because I love action scenes where our main character is held back by something. 
Also, Ito knows how to draw action, as I’ve talked about previously.
Despite there being two halves to this story, they blend into each other very seamlessly because there isn’t one particular place where one ends and the other begins.
However, the fundamental problem with this story is that we don’t care about the relationship between IDK and Kaori, so it’s hard to be invested in the plot. IDK being forced to take care of someone and watch as they are slowly transformed by a horrific disease is, on its own, a very tragic idea. However, Kaori is rather annoying, and IDK is a block of wood.
Anywhoo, the reveal where we see Kaori in a gas machine is one of the best panels ever because of how much the story has built up to it. It’s obvious to us that she is going to be in a machine, but we don’t know what it is going to look like.
Also, having the first person we see in a gas machine being a named character we’re already familiar with is effective, even if this character is annoying.
Everything after that panel is just perfect, with fucked up image after fucked up image.
The part with the circus feels like a detour, but it’s a rather entertaining detour, and I suppose it was the most interesting way to have IDK reunite with Kaori.
It is kind of funny that Kaori is a far more active and capable character in death than she was in life.
Anywhoo, it’s clear that Ito didn’t know how to wrap up the story, so he just added this faint glimmer of hope and ended it there.
One last note about Gyo…
Even if it was unintentional, this story does very clearly show a cynicism towards the military, with them being the cause of the problem and failing to fix it. Gyo’s run in magazines was from 2001 to 2002, so it probably wasn’t influenced by the gulf war, but I’m sure it fit in well with the atmosphere at the time.
12. Weeping Woman Way-
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This is the story about the lady who starts crying all of the time and it turns out that she’s the chosen weeping woman. 
I like that this story is from the perspective of her fiance. This story gets the feeling of seeing someone you love suffer while being unable to comfort them. Despite both of our characters being kind of bland and devoid of personality, their drama is still interesting because of how real it feels. A good example of this is a scene where the fiance thinks “Hey, maybe you’re really sad because you’re scared about the wedding, maybe we should call it off.” Obviously, this makes her sadder, so he has to comfort her. It feels very real, as our well-intentioned man has no idea how to deal with this situation. It’s clear that it’s also taking a toll on him, with him saying he also feels like crying at one point.
What’s also interesting is the idea that the main lady is so well equipped to be a weeping woman because of how sad she is. 
Something that’s interesting is that the point of the weeping women is that someone needs to cry over the dead who don’t have someone to mourn for them.
There’s an urban legend I heard about which says that if you feel sad for no reason, you’re grieving someone who has no one else to grieve for them. This story reminds me of that.
The fact that they are all weeping women is also interesting, as women are stereotypically seen as being more emotional.
People also often romanticize their own suffering, and you can definitely say this story is about that. There’s an idea that sadness is necessary.
Of course, the story never really challenges that idea. In fact, it seems to agree with it. Oh well.
You could also say the story is talking about how the grief of women is often infantilized and diminished and made to seem unimportant.
I suppose there are a lot of different ways to view this story.
Overall, this story is rather thought provoking, and it also has some very nice imagery with all the dead spirits in the sky.
11. Layers of Fear-
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This…look, if you haven’t read this story, I’m not sure I can explain it to you.
What I like about this story is that it begins with an archaeology dig. It’s nice when horror stories do that, because then you just know that some spooky shit is gonna be dug up.
After that cold open, our story cuts to a car ride which introduces us to our main characters.
The characters in this story aren’t half bad.
The two main characters are a Mom and her daughter, Reimi, and our first interaction between these characters does a fine job of setting up the Mom’s overprotective nature and the pride the Mom takes in Reimi’s appearance.
This scene also shows the nostalgia the Mom feels for Reimi being younger.
However, this intro does kind of make the Mom a bit over-the-top, with her telling her other daughter Narumi, that she is ugly. I suppose a problem I have with this scene overall is how unsubtle it is, the dialogue is unashamedly expositional and very on-the-nose.
The mother telling Narumi that she is ugly is also really unnecessary because it was already pretty obvious that Reimi was the favorite.
However, despite how over the top the Mom is, she still feels real because her traits are exaggerated versions of traits lots of parents have. Specifically, missing when your kid was a baby seems to be a thing all or almost all parents go through.
Anywhoo, this scene in the car ends with a car crash and a pretty horrific image of part of a face hanging off a seat.
The following scene in the hospital further shows how the Mom kind of sees her daughters as products, with her specifically mourning the loss of “Reimi’s pretty face” and telling the doctor to “fix her”. The Mom seems more concerned about her daughter's stats than her general well-being. This helps to explain her later actions in the story.
Following some mild body horror and an MRI, the story then ties back to the original archeology scene in a really neat way, with the reveal that the Dad was the archeologist in that first scene.
We then get a surprisingly realistic scene where Reimi gets mad at her mom for continuing to baby her despite her “not being a child anymore”. That’s a pretty common conflict between parents and their kids, even if it’s not as over-the-top as this.
This scene makes the Mom all the more uncomfortable with the reality of her kids growing up by showing her the writing on the wall: she can’t control Reimi.
This leads the Mom to forcibly exert her will over Reimi in a pretty gnarly body horror sequence.
I like stories where characters find a magical solution to a common problem, only for this magical solution to have unexpected consequences. There are a lot of stories where characters find immortality or make themselves look better or be more popular at a cost. This story sees the Mom finding a solution to being forced to live with her child growing up, but at a cost. These kinds of supernatural stories are nice because the supernatural aspects don’t cause or replace the conflict, they merely add to it.
The body horror scene is fantastic, with lots of skin tearing and horrific imagery crescendoing into an extremely horrific image.
Everytime I read this story, that image haunts my brain for hours afterward.
The only problem I have with this scene is that the motivations of Narumi make no sense, with her helping her Mom just because she said so. I guess the idea is that Narumi really wants her Mom’s love, so she’s willing to do whatever she says. However, the story did a fantastic job at setting up the Mom’s motivations, so whatever.
Overall, this story is a great example of dramatic irony, with the Mom’s desire to make her daughter young and beautiful again causing Reimi to turn into something spooky.
It’s also really tragic that Narumi is kind of dragged down by her need to care for her family, even if she didn’t suffer any physical harm. The conflict between Narumi and her Mom is never really resolved, but I think that works to this story's favor, as you kind of feel like there is no way for this drama to resolve as long as the Mom continues to be a jerk.
It’s also funny how Narumi is now the more conventionally attractive of the two siblings.
The drama in this story is simple and unsubtle, but it still has a sense of realism because it bases itself in a lot of very real conflicts many people encounter, even if these conflicts are exaggerated. Plus, skin tearing is a really icky idea, and this story has a lot of it.
Not only that, but this story does not waste any time. The opening car ride that sets up our three characters and their conflicts is only four pages long.
10. Mansion (the Tomie story)- 
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This is the story where Tomie and that one doctor guy are in a mansion, and they’ve got the girl they’ve turned into a big Tomie monster kept in the attic.
In a sense, this story breaks all of the rules of a good Tomie story. However…it’s still easily my favorite Tomie story.
Once again, body horror is at its most effective when we feel like this can happen to us, and let me tell you, I don’t want to turn into that giant Tomie creature at the end. That one panel is a fucking masterpiece of creature design, being extrenely creative and unique. I kind of don’t care about the rest of the story, I just care about that singular image of all the Tomie heads and that worm body. The fact that was once a person is extremely horrific.
The only reason why this story is so high is for that creature design only.
It also is such a creative use of the Tomie character.
By the way, I think it’s interesting that the doctor says Tomie divides when under stress, meaning the only time we actually see her being under stress is when she is insulted.
A key theme in Ito’s stories is pride. After all, Tomie uses men’s pride against them.
Early on in the Tomie series, we do see Tomie split because that photography girl called her a monster. It’s interesting to think that Tomie is not just a person with emotions, but actually a pretty sensitive person. Tomie is kind of an endless spiral of mystery where you can never truly get to the heart of who she is, what she wants, or how she works.
9. The Spirit Flow of Aokigahara-
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This is the story about the cave who’s spirit energy cures a man’s terminal illness and slowly makes him thin and streamlined.
The main conflict of the story is between the man and his girlfriend. She’s trying to be supportive, but the spirit flow is addicting, and he’s kind of falling in love with another dude who’s also getting streamlined.
It’s funny and kind of sad how this is the closest we’ve gotten to (good) queer representation in a Junji Ito story.
It’s easy to feel bad for the girl, as she’s doing all of this for her hubby, but he’s being a total jerk to her.
However, the reason why this story is so high is because the ideas and imagery are so unique and uncanny, making this story really stick in your head.
This is definitely one of Ito’s most unsettling stories. I can’t really explain why; I guess the concept of being streamlined is so simple yet so horrifying. 
Also, it’s a pretty fast paced story that doesn’t waste any time. I appreciate that.
There’s really nothing to complain about.
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
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So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
9 notes · View notes
spammreviews · 3 months
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B+:
25. The Mansion of Phantom Pain-
This is the story with the kid who has pain outside of his body. It’s great because I feel bad for everyone involved. This situation sucks for the kid, his parents, and the workers.
This story isn’t trying to be scary so much as it is trying to sell us on this feeling of frustration, and man oh man does it succeed. 
I also like when stories take ridiculous concepts and then go “Hm, how would this work in the real world”. This story acts very logical about its fantastical idea, and it’s very interesting to read about.
Overall, this is a perfectly cromulent story. No complaints.
24. My Dear Ancestors-
This is the forehead story.
It begins with a girl with amnesia who keeps seeing visions of a giant caterpillar. That’s an interesting setup, and the story makes full use of it. There’s also the girl’s boyfriend's mysterious family.
We basically have three different mysteries in this family, but the twist at the end manages to resolve all three of them.
Also, the twist is revealed with a very memorable image.
The story could have simply ended after the twist, but then it decided to go in a whole new direction, and I like it when stories actually show the ramifications of their reveals.
Our ending note is a horrifying one that wraps up the story very well. Many of these stories have endings that make me go “Okay, and then what?”, but there’s no reason to think that with this story.
I’m sure I could do some analysis of how this story says something about another thing. 
The idea of the old being parasites for their descendants can kind of work as a metaphor for generational trauma, even if nothing is really said about generational trauma.
The idea of memory is obviously present, as that’s not just the basis of the forehead thing, but we also get a main character with amnesia. There isn’t any real point being made about memory, but I like it when stories just have repeating ideas.
Overall, this is a pretty creative story with some fun body horror. It does not make any sense if you think about it all, but the story is definitely intentionally campy. Plus, it has an internal logic to it. Yeah, sure, foreheads can talk.
23. House of the Marionettes- 
I really like stories where people turn into puppets/marionettes/mannequins.
This story has a really big feeling of malaise throughout.
The beginning tells us the main character’s backstory. He grew up in a poor family who moved around all the time because they were a traveling puppet troupe, and his Mom left when he was a kid.
We get this whole sequence that just shows how shitty his life is, where he goes to a town, makes a friend, and then has to leave.
I feel kind of bad for him.
A character I really like in the beginning is the older brother. There’s a scene where he’s talking to the main character and he says “Yeah, sorry that our life sucks, and that our Dad also sucks. Don’t tell him I said that.” It’s a very brotherly sequence.
The thing is, this scene is contextualized by a previous scene where the Dad is yelling at the main character and the older brother does nothing. It’s clear that this older brother is an imperfect character.
You know what else I like? The father is an abusive piece of shit, but he also feels real. There’s a scene where he gets a puppet and tells his children how much puppetry means to him, and if he wasn’t such a piece of shit then the scene would be kind of heart warming.
Also, I love stories where characters are extremely enthusiastic about something that I personally don’t care about much, and the stories somehow manage to make me feel excited about these topics, like Ratatouille and The Queen’s Gambit. All of these stories have scenes where a character explains their love for their obsession in a way which feels genuine and infectious.
So, despite this beginning not having any elements of horror or suspense to them, it’s still a good time.
The story moves on when the dad dies, the brother moves away, and we get a couple year time skip. The main character is now not involved with puppets, and we get a few pages showing his new life. This bit does go on too long, but oh well.
However, it is after this that our main character receives a message from his older brother who he hasn’t had contact with in years, and that’s when the horror starts.
This part of the story is fun. The concept is cool, and the action in the final bit is well done. I haven’t mentioned this yet, but Ito is very good at showing action. He knows how to have strong senses of space and time when he needs to, and he’s really good at using panel sizes to communicate these. There’s a precision to this.
The ending of this story is sudden because that’s how Ito likes to write, but oh well.
22. Memory-
The story begins with the girl thinking about how she is pretty, but she’s afraid that there may have been a point where she wasn’t. After the most obvious foreshadowing in a story I’ve ever seen, the girl thinks about how her memories from the ages of 7 to 14 are blank, except for brief fragmented memories of her being ugly.
I don’t want to spoil what happens next for those who haven’t read this story, but, needless to say, this story is about how fearing becoming a kind of person will make you become that person.
This story also subverts the ugly=evil trope by showing that the two are completely unrelated. This story is actually kind of thought provoking. 
Not only that, but this story is unsettling in a unique way. It is the connotations of this story that are creepy. The idea that you can just convince yourself you’re a murderer is horrifying, as is the idea that you have murdered someone and you just forgot. 
I also quite like the mystery in the beginning of this story, as it seems like there legitimately can be no answer that makes sense…but, there is.
The ending is also fun because it’s a scary ending presented like it's a happy ending. This girl is clearly dangerous and in need of psychological intervention, but her parents don’t want to go through with that.
One could say this story does still fall into the trope of having a female character who’s obsessed with her beauty and never really exploring why she is or what that means. That’s true. It’s not a perfect story.
21. Shivers/ The Chill-
This story has a dumb title. It’s the story where the people are covered in holes.
The beginning of this story does a great job of creating mystery, with us being introduced to this mysterious girl who never leaves the house and regularly sees a doctor who gives her some sort of painful treatment. Then, we get the reveal with some small holes on the girl’s arm.
I like how this story actually has the characters do some sleuthing. We, the audience, are presented with a mystery, and we, along with the characters, have to slowly piece it together. Our main character boy also has a stake in this game due to these memories of his grandfather. 
The ending is very strange, as it seems like Ito didn’t know how to end it, so he just randomly threw in some body horror and then closed it off. So much of this story involves our main character having a crush on this girl, and then he never gets to talk to her. Not only that, but his memories about his grandfather are never fully resolved.
However, the imagery is fantastic. The idea of having holes in your body is horrific, and one that is difficult to forget.
This is a quick paced story which understands that its strongest suit is the body horror, so it builds its narrative around that and doesn’t waste our time by trying to be anything else.
20.5 Junji Ito’s Cat Diary-
I forgot this one. I’m sorry. This is a last minute addition.
It's impossible to deny the charm. It's a very simple story where most of the humor comes from how overdramatic the presentation is. However, it does end up getting a bit repetitive after the first few chapters.
20. Smashed/ Splatter Film-
This is the one with the honey that makes you go “splat”.
I like the way the mystique around the honey is built up, going from almost supernatural to seemingly supernatural to definitely supernatural.
Each instance of someone being splattered raises the tension as it becomes more and more clear that eating the honey is making the characters go “splat”.
The horror is also quite fun. One of my favorite moments is the one where the characters find a giant splat on the wall and slowly realize that the splat was their friend. 
However, what makes this story truly amazing is the twist. It’s a very nonsensical twist, but it’s so absurd that it works. Also, the twist was very clearly setting it up from the very beginning! Re-reading this story is very fun that way, as you notice all of the little hints.
The way the twist is revealed is also fantastic, as it happens at the very, very end.
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
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So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
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spammreviews · 3 months
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B:
44. Photograph and Kiss (the Tomie Stories)-
I’m counting these two stories as one, because they’re basically just one story.
The main character of this story, Tsukiko, takes photos of boys without their permission and sells them to girls. Tomie then shows up at her school from out of nowhere, and hijinks ensue.
I think Tsukiko is actually a kind of interesting main character. So many main characters in Ito stories are either innocent girls or depressed boys, but Tsukiko is neither. She’s a charismatic asshole who’s gleefully apathetic. That kind of reminds me of someone.
What’s interesting is that Tomie is selling herself as a figure of kindness within this school, being part of the ethics committee and entering a conflict with Tsukiko over the photographs.
Things get even more interesting when the one guy Tsukiko likes, lets call him Dude, asks Tsukiko to take a photo of Tomie because Dude likes Tomie. 
That’s some juicy drama.
Of course, things finally get spooky when it turns out that the photos of Tomie have her looking really creepy. So, Tsukiko shares the photos with everyone, leading to multiple men going on the hunt for her, including Dude. He attempts to strangle Tsukiko to death right before she’s about to say she loves him.
That is some seriously juicy drama.
After that, Tomie and Tsukiko have a conversation which is very fun, as Tomie is a very fun character in it, making all these jokes and everything while Tsukiko just thinks. I can see why Tomie is so popular as a character. You can put her into really any situation and she would be interesting. 
Of course, it is at the end of this conversation when a head grows out of Tomie’s head because Tsukiko called her “sick”. That makes no sense, but whatever.
There’s then some fun body horror stuff with Tomie’s head getting cut up and all sorts of crazy things going on.
The second half of this story, the part within the “kiss” chapter is just violence happening. It’s nothing but violence. Honestly, I like it. Ito is good at showing violence in a way that is both dream-like yet easy to follow.
As usual, we also get some fun imagery out of Tomie’s powers. .
It’s also funny how Tsukiko, this character who likes to disrespect people’s privacy, gets to see all of this stuff that she is totally not meant to see.
So, yes, the actions of the characters don't make a huge amount of sense, and they do feel more like tools used to make body horror happen, however, it’s still very fun.
It does suck that every character other than Tomie and Tsukiko are boring and two dimensional, with no motivations beyond being horny for Tomie.
It does make the second half of the story a bit boring, as we really don’t care about the fighting of all these people.
We also do get a bunch of conversations between Tsukiko and her friend which are kind of pointless to the overall story.
However, despite this, the creative imagery and excellent use of Tomie make this story work.
43. Tomie Part 2: Marita Hospital- 
(Spoilers)
Tomie Part 2: Marita Hospital is the one where the girl gets a kidney transplant from Tomie and then Tomie’s head grows out of the kidney.
Firstly, this story sees Tomie having a much more well defined personality than in her first appearance. She’s a complete asshole, and it’s fun.
Secondly, the deal with the kidney is a very creative use of Tomie’s powers and it works as a nice , horrifying button. Imagine a head grew in your stomach, wouldn’t that be fucked up?
This is the basic principle of body horror: the audience needs to be afraid that the horror can happen to them, that they will be the one going through the ghoulish transformation. 
Fourthly, the whole story has a vague feeling of paranoia to it. It follows the members of a couple as the two of them slowly realize they are in a very fucked up situation. That’s fun. 
The art in this story is a bit rough, but what can you do?
42. Basement (the Tomie Chapter)-
(Spoilers)
This Tomie chapter takes place immediately after Tomie Part 2: Marita Hospital.
It follows Sato, a character with a very pleasant face, as he encounters the lady from the last chapter.
Sato is actually one of the nicer characters in the series, as he’s a curious and playful guy. 
The horrifying button on this story is that the girl from the previous chapter slowly turns into Tomie.
The idea of losing your entire identity and having your appearance change to someone completely different is horrifying.
What’s interesting is the way the lady from the previous chapter welcomes this because she was unconfident about her appearance. It’s interesting when losing one’s identity is seen as a release. 
This isn’t the only time Tomie preys on a woman’s sense of insecurity. 
The lady being insecure makes sense because the story before this saw Tomie stealing the lady’s boyfriend.
It’s cool how Tomie can represent desire even for characters who aren’t attracted to her.
However, tragically, being Tomie is pretty awful.
I also like the idea that the quest to better yourself can lead to loss of identity. This feels like a much better version of the ideas in “Dying Young”.
41. Flesh Colored Horror- 
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the kid with skin-peeling issues.
The main character is actually quite nice, a teacher who just wants to do her job. There’s a nice feeling of suspense, as we know this one kid is messed up, but we don’t know exactly how and why. The suspense slowly builds throughout the story as the situation gets more and more strange before becoming supernaturally horrific. The horror also builds from fairly gross to disgusting.  Ito is very good at doing that build.
The biggest problem with this story is that it tries to shove in too many characters in a rather short period of time, leading to a rather convoluted tale that spends too much time on introductions.
This story also gets derailed in the second half where it goes from being about this kid to being about his Mom. 
However, this second half also has some fantastic imagery, even if it is mixed with a bunch of exposition.
The irony of this story, that the Mom’s search for beauty leads her to be ugly, is unsubtle, and it's done in a much more effective way in later stories, but it works well as a nice button for the story.
Overall, this story follows a lot of the classic Ito tropes, but it executes them well. Plus, skin being torn off is a personal fear of mine.
40. Blood Slurping Darkness-
This story is an improvement on the ideas of Dying Young.
It follows a young woman who gets anorexic after her boyfriend dumps her. As a person who doesn’t have anorexia, I can’t speak to how accurate the portrayal is.
However, I can say that the first page pretty clearly shows how sexist body standards and the patriarchy lead women to hate their own bodies. It’s unsubtle, needlessly so, but I’ll take what I can get.
However, the story then takes a turn into getting into vampire bats, and it kind of forgets that the main character has anorexia, beyond drawing her with anorexia.
We get this male character who wants to woo the female character, so he tries to give her blood through the bat process. I’m trying to come up with a way that this ties into the themes of beauty and beauty standards, but it doesn’t. I guess you could say it has something to do with the way toxic beauty standards also affect men, but like, the male main character isn’t trying to appear beautiful. I’m not even sure what the hell he’s trying to do.
It does feel like the story kind of forgets about the main character’s anorexia after a while, with the story not really showing if these events affected her anorexia.
However, this story is scary, I guess. Bats are spooky. Blood is spooky. 
39. Songs in the Dark/ Splendid Shadow Song
This is the song where there’s the street busker with that angry breakup.
I like it when horror stories take relatable everyday events and turn them into something horrifying, which is what this story does with getting a song stuck in your head.
It’s a fun concept, and I don’t have any complaints.
38. Haunted Wood Mansion-
This is the story where the woman is really horny for a house.
I love how nonsensical it is.
I also really like the design of the horny woman. There’s something about her that seems unsettling and alien, and I don’t know what. The house also just looks pretty cool. Ito knows how to design interiors in a visually pleasing, yet realistic way.
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This story has a drama that is…odd. The horny woman is acting kind of seductive towards the divorced middle aged man who owns the house, and his daughter isn’t a fan of that. That seems like a rather realistic drama filled with complications, right? However, no time is spent on it. We don’t know how the girl feels about her Dad moving on, or exactly how the divorce affected the two of them. The drama doesn’t really say anything about the relationship between father and daughter.
What makes it even weirder is the fact that this drama isn’t resolved. We get a time skip, and the girl tells us that her “opinion of (horny lady) gradually improved”. The horny lady marries the Dad, and it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.
Then, the weird horror shit happens, and it kind of makes all of the drama meaningless. Like, the daughter was right. The horny lady was a creep and a weirdo and she didn’t belong at the house. That kind of takes away the impact of the drama in retrospect because the daughter, no matter her motivations, was right. 
I suppose it doesn’t matter because the story isn’t trying to be dramatic.
However, towards the end of the story, we do get a very brief dream sequence where the girl imagines herself with her Mom, and it’s weird because it makes it seem like this story is trying to be emotional or whatever. However, I don’t care about this girl or her Mom because I barely know this girl and the Mom was mentioned once! Also, how does this dream sequence connect to a lady wanting to fuck the house? 
However, the imagery at the end is gloriously bizarre. Junji Ito goes all out on the wackiness, and it is a delight to see.
After the weird stuff, the ending is pretty sudden, with us not really learning anything and the events of the story not really having any effect.
37. Blanket:
This is the story about the girl who’s boyfriend stays in his blanket all the time because he sees demons. 
It has one of the greatest panels Junji Ito ever drew but other than that, meh.
It’s a very quick story which doesn’t take the time to endear you to the characters. Plus, the fantastical aspects, while spooky, never feels dangerous, especially with the ending- which is a definite cop-out. It’s a kind of “screw the audience” ending that leaves me feeling disappointed.
This is the panel, by the way:
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36. The Head in the Attic- 
This is an early story, so the art style is much more rough and sketchy. The character expressions are also nowhere near what they are in later stories.
However, in terms of being a story, it’s alright.
Our main character, Chiemi, is a girl who’s ex boyfriend dumped her because she wasn't attractive enough, and this leads to her wanting to be prettier.
It’s not exactly complex, but it does explore beauty standards a bit better than say, Dying Young, as we actually see our character being mistreated because of their appearance.
I do like the way Chiemi’s hair is connected to her ex-boyfriend, as he told her to grow it out because it looked pretty. So, its long appearance kind of represents his control over her and her wanting to appeal to these body expectations.
This makes the ending very fitting.
I do like it when the horror of the story is connected to the character conflict.
There also is a fair amount of suspense towards the end. There’s an extensive build up between when we see the headless dead body and when we see the head, and that works very well. Ito takes his time, slowly creating an air of terror. We know the head’s in the attic, and we know some shit is going to go down. And yeah, the shit goes down.
This story definitely isn’t groundbreaking, but it’s a fun time.
35. Secret of the Haunted Mansion-
(Spoilers)
This is a story about two boys who go into a haunted house.
It’s worth it entirely for the twist.
If you haven’t read this story, skip ahead and erase this from your mind, since the twist is better when you’re not expecting a twist. Just skip to the parts in big letters where I scream “Flan In the Face”
Okay? Are they gone? Okay. Holy shit, what a twist. It’s the perfect twist because no one would expect it coming, however there’s no reason why it wouldn’t be true. All the best twists follow that. Also, this twist specifically uses our knowledge of the previous stories wonderfully.
So, yes, I fucking despise the Souchi stories, but this is the one exception. It also helps that Souchi is an actual threat here. Sure, he loses the novelty being an evil child has, but also having an evil child isn’t that novel. I feel like this story also does a better job at mixing humor and horror than the Souchi stories do, as the humor is very off putting and uncanny, which is fitting. Souchi’s parents being proud of his haunted house that doubles as a torture facility is kind of funny because it’s not really a joke at anyone’s expense. 
Also, the character of the son has one of the most terrifying designs ever. I’ve complained about evil character designs that are just “ugly person”. However, with this kid, it’s so overexaggerated, it works. Also, that one panel where he turns around while smiling euphorically is one of the most terrifying images in all of Ito’s bibliography.
This story is also really fucking dark. We see a kid getting eaten alive. It’s horrific. The silly aspects just increase the horror.
However, despite my praise, this story is still pure cheese. It’s nonsensical fun with zero substance. It’s scary, sure, but the horror wears off very quickly because the story is the opposite of grounded. I’m not taking any of the brutality seriously. Sure, it’s scary when you turn the page and see Souchi’s son, and it’s scary when he bites into that kid’s neck, but once you’re done with the story, it’s not like images of that kid haunt your head. Or, at the very least, images of him didn’t haunt my head.
This story is kind of like a creepy pasta in a way. There’s nothing wrong with creepy pastas, but they’re like the junk food of horror. It’s like twinkies, but even more junkier. It’s Hostess Zingers. This story is like Hostess Zingers.
FLAN IN THE FACE! FLAN IN THE FACE!
34. The Village of Sirens-
This is the story about the devil creatures. It’s a very fun, kind of campy mix of a bunch of different horror tropes.
I really like the beginning, which begins in media res. It does a great job of getting our attention and posing a mystery which looms above the rest of the story. I also feel like media res openings have a certain campy feel to them.
However, once the media res ends, the sense of suspense does slowly start to wane due to how slow the beginning is. We keep seeing these mildly mysterious things, and it takes a while for these mysterious things to get more mysterious. Then, once they do, this story gets really supernatural and high-concept very quickly. The whole mystery set up by the beginning is resolved a little more than half way through the story, and after that, we’re just waiting for the monster ceremony to occur.
What I’m saying is that this story does not have a great slow-build. Instead of slowly getting more and more spooky, it stays kind of spooky for a while and then suddenly gets very spooky.
We also get quite a lot of exposition throughout it.
However, when things get spooky, they do get quite horrifically fun, with Ito pulling no punches in terms of bleakness. You can tell he was having fun making this as over-the-top as possible.
This story also does a neat job not clearly showing us the monster, and I do appreciate that bit of existential horror.
The ending is very sudden, but that does actually quite work with this story, as it is then up to us to imagine the horror which will ensue.
33. Dissection Girl-
As you can infer from the title, this is the story about the girl who wants to be dissected.
This story is so bizarre, it’s hard not to enjoy it. The character of dissection girl is among Ito’s most memorable because of course she is. 
I kind of love the fact that the dissection girl is as insane as an adult as she is as a child. That isn’t how they tell you to write characters, but it’s hilarious. I also love how she has the same hairstyle. 
This girl is also a delight because of how stupid she is. Politely asking people to dissect you is never going to work.
What also makes me happy is the ending, as it gives us more questions than answers, and it features some classic Ito imagery.
Overall, this story is nonsensical from beginning to end, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
32. The Thing That Drifted Ashore/ Washed Ashore-
(Spoilers)
This story sees a giant monster washing ashore.
The design of the monster is extremely creative and really disturbing.
We see this through the eyes of a very posh man who’s afraid of the sea. He’s basically Lovecraft, and that’s fine, because it’s nice when characters have personalities.
Also, as a fan of speculative evolution, I appreciate that we learn a bit about the science of this creature, like how it’s bioluminescent, helping it to live in the deep sea.
Our main character meets a young woman who also hates the ocean because her boyfriend was lost at sea, and she has the same dark dreams that our main character does. This adds a bit of uncertain mysticism to the story, which is neat.
Then, we get three awesome, tension building reveals in a row. It’s revealed that there are human bodies in the sea monster, and then it’s revealed that the humans are alive, and then it’s revealed that one of the humans is the woman’s long lost boyfriend! At this point, I’m losing my shit, burning with desire to see what will happen next, and then the story just ends.
Yep. It just ends. It seems like the story was setting something up, but then it doesn’t, which sucks. What was the point of our main character’s fear of the ocean and his dream and the girl sharing his dreams? No point. There was no point.
It’s so disappointing, but the rest of the story is so cool, it’s still kind of worth it.
31. The Basin of the Waterfall (the Tomie chapter)-
This is the story where all the Tomies form in the lake and then walk out.
Is this actually a story? Nope. Not in any way shape or form. 
Does the imagery kick ass? Definitely. It’s absolutely horrific.
30. Sensor-
The problem with Sensor is that it doesn't want to be an Ito story. It wants to have an active protagonist, consistent stakes, and expansive worldbuilding and lore.
Unfortunately, this story doesn’t really know how to do that. The result is a very messy story with a huge amount of exposition.
Let’s start with the beginning, which is rather bizarre. A girl is going for a hike, a guy shows up and says “Hey, wanna go to this village?”. She says yeah, and then she decides to stay in the village for a bit.
After a good night’s sleep, the people of the village tell her she is the chosen one.
Now, that sounds a bit nonsensical, doesn’t it? Events just kind of happen without any rhyme or reason.
However, we do then get this beautiful looking sequence with the characters doing some weird astral movement or whatever and they see a giant black-haired monster. I don’t know what happens, but it’s very unique and a delight to look at.
After that, the story then suddenly shifts to be about this reporter dude. He runs into the girl from before and there’s an evil cult and some exposition happens.
Changing your protagonist randomly in the story can work, just look at Barbarian, but the sudden shifts in Barbarian has a very specific purpose.
Not only does Sensor lack that, it doesn’t help that this reporter dude is a nothing character who has no personal stake in the story. He’s just some dude.
Anywhoo, the reporter meets with a hypnotherapist and we get a flashback from the perspective of the hypnotherapist filled with a huge amount of exposition.
This is the third time our perspective has shifted.
However, this flashback does have an extremely cool moment of metamorphosis where all of a dude’s sensory body parts expand. It’s some absolutely awe-inspiringly unique art.
We’re suddenly back to the perspective of the girl who is the chosen one. The story then randomly swerves into a random tangent about these suicide bugs. It is almost entirely unnecessary to the overall plot, but the imagery of human faces in the smashed bugs is very memorable.
At this point, one starts to get a bit annoyed with how messy this story is, jumping back and forth between different perspectives with little rhyme or reason. 
We then go back to the reporter, and we learn there was a woman who stalked him, and now she is stalking him again. It feels just as random as it sounds.
There is a whole bunch of stuff about traffic mirrors, and it’s at this point when I get the idea that this is just five different stories sewn together to create a Frankstein’s monster of a story.
Then, the cult appears again, and we get more exposition. 
The story attempts to come off as cohesive by showing characters we’ve seen before being held prisoner by the cult, but at this point, it’s too late. 
We get a part with some hair balls, and it has some beautiful imagery, but then we get a very long sequence where the reporter is in the past, and it goes on forever, and only the ending serves a purpose, as it is here where the chosen one girl fights the evil cult leader.
Then, the story ends.
Yep.
This story wants to be an epic of good vs evil, but it also wants to have your usual Junji Ito horror and weirdness. As a result, it jumps back and forth from being really tropey and full of exposition to having these little side quests where some horror happens.
Obviously, the story also suffers from introducing the villain too late, having both of its two protagonists mostly feel like spectators in their own story, and it also forgets that actions should have consequences. 
Not only that, but our central conflict, the battle between the evil black hair and good golden hair, is one we the audience neither understand nor care about, and it feels like only half of the story is devoted to the conflict. The suicide bugs and the hypnotherapist have nothing to do with the central conflict, and the stalker girl with the mirror barely connects. About half of this story could be cut away, and it wouldn’t really make much of a difference to the plot. 
As a result of this rather uninteresting conflict, our story's “resolution” barely feels like a resolution. In many good vs evil stories, there is a reason why evil fails, whether it’s the good guy being stronger or smarter than the bad guy or the bad guy being a jerk to their minions. In this story, the bad guy’s plan doesn’t go awry. It just fails because it does.
The chosen one girl barely had to struggle, with her sacrifice not even being some sort of decision. 
This story is also kind of pointless. Our characters are one dimensional blocks of wood who don’t go through arcs, and there’s no central idea to tie these desperate threads together.
It also doesn’t help that this story randomly inserts a bunch of christian imagery and parallels which serves no purpose.
However, while this story is a mess, it is an amazing looking mess. The imagery is creative as it is haunting.
29. A Doll’s Hellish Burial-
This story isn’t really a story, but it still works.
It’s about a girl who turns into a doll.
The concept is very horrific.
Unfortunately, our main characters, the parents of this child, don’t do anything. They’re characters without agency in a story without a conflict, as there isn’t any fight against this disease. That is kind of the point, I suppose.
Also, calling the disease “early onset doll’s disease” is way too on-the-nose.
However, the final image in this story is classic Ito horror. 
28. Slug Girl-
Cons: The story isn’t really a story. It has no conflict or cause and affect or characters whose motivations drive the plot forward. It’s also extraordinarily simple. 
Pros: What the fuck. What the fuck. I admire that Ito had 1 (one) messed up idea, and he made a story that was just that idea, and it works because that idea is so messed up. The ridiculous simplicity and shortness of the story just enhances that.
Also, I like that not only does this girl have to suffer her tongue turning into a slug, the story makes sure to point out that she is super afraid of slugs.
27. Hanging Balloons-
This story has a very creative and very fucked up concept.
I like how this story begins in media rez. That’s unusual for an Ito story. It’s also a really intriguing opening, as there’s a girl in a room, with her own voice from the other side of the window telling her to come out. That definitely creates a lot of mystery.
We then go back in time, where we learn about a teenage celebrity who killed herself, which is a very Junji Ito event.
It’s interesting to see the girl’s classmates dealing with the grief, taking their anger out on each other and fighting. However, that is all just one scene.
We then get a fun bit of building dread through the usage of news stories.
Then, the hanging balloons make their grand debut, and the story can only build from there as the situation gets more and more dire.
I like the fact that popping the balloons kills the person they’re replicating, and I especially love the way it’s revealed.
There’s a definite sense of constant danger, as there’s simply no way to survive while going outside.
This is a fun story, but it’s a rather empty one, with no real resolution. There’s no real point to any of this madness. Our characters don’t change, there’s no idea or theme the text is exploring, and it doesn’t even feel like we’ve seen a conflict being resolved.
26. Graveman/ Grave Placement
This is the story about the guy working out in front of ghosts. It is Ito’s funniest story because it is delightfully silly in such an earnest way. So many times when these stories are silly, they end up feeling cruel and gross. However, the silliness of this story has a purity and an innocence to it.
It’s a common joke that Junji Ito is someone who seems to be a rather cheerful and silly person despite being the writer of many horrifying stories. However, Ito’s works are often quiet humorous, with even his darkest stories having a sense of campiness to them. This addition can be both detrimental or helpful to the stories, depending on how well the story manages to balance tone.
Oh, yeah, this is a Mimi’s ghost story, and it suffers from the same problems as all of the others, but I don’t mind as much because of the silliness.
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
Tumblr media
So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
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spammreviews · 3 months
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B-:
54. The Bloody Story of Shiroshi-
This is like a Lovecraft story in that there’s a small town full of unattractive, inbred people and an attractive yet boring outsider who’s a doctor.
My favorite part is when the doctor drinks some water that he knows is full of metal and then wonders why he feels bad.
Anywhoo, this story does a good job at building up a sense of mystery.
If you wanted to, you could say that this story is about the dangers of tradition. The village people don’t want to be developed, and the doctor says he thinks rural medicine is the best, and then it turns out the people are making these sacrifices, and then the doctor becomes like the villagers.
For me, this story is saved from being lower just because there’s nothing that it does wrong, and the worldbuilding shows that classic Junji Ito creativity. The worldbuilding also leads to that kind of imagery that you can’t get anywhere else.
53. Painter (the Tomie chapter)-
This is the Tomie chapter with the panel of Tomie’s head splitting that everyone loves making fan art of.
This story is pretty basic. A painter is driven crazy by Tomie, he kills her, and a new body grows.
However, the simplicity does mean that the story is a pretty quick read. Plus, stories where people slowly go insane are fun, and Ito is very experienced at it.
Also, many of my complaints about previous Tomie stories, how the main characters don’t deserve what happens to them and how they aren’t specifically suited for their story, don’t really apply here. That’s nice.
52. Top Model (The Tomie Chapter)-
This is the Tomie chapter with the model.
At this point during my reading of the full Tomie collection, I am tired of Tomie. I am tired of all of these succubus tropes being squished into one character, and I am tired of how repetitive and horny these stories are.
However, this story has some great imagery when the model guy slashes Tomie’s face. My favorite kind of body horror is where there are more body parts than usual.
It is for that reason why this story is ranked higher than other Tomie stories.
I should talk about Tomie a bit.
Something interesting about a lot of Junji Ito’s monsters is that they are as much of a victim as their victims. For instance, the gas people in Gyo, or everyone in Uzumaki.
Tomie ruins lives by getting people to kill her.
There’s definitely an argument to be made that Tomie stories are kind of misogynistic, as Tomie is basically victim blaming personified. She’s a woman who constantly gets murdered by men who are horny for her, but it’s almost always because of her actions.
However, it’s still not Tomie’s fault. We do see men who don’t kill Tomie. 
Also, just because a woman acts like a bit of a douche towards men doesn’t mean that she deserves to be murdered. Every man makes a conscious decision to kill Tomie. What Tomie does is she exasperates negative traits within people. 
As such, Tomie stories work best when the men who go after Tomie suck, when they are sexist and prideful.
In many ways, this makes Tomie a very strange sort of succubus. The idea of a succubus is that she punishes men for being horny, and, in a sense, Tomie does that.
However, Tomie is still actively manipulating men and using magical powers on them.
This story, Top Model, is a good example.
Our main character is a prideful asshole. However, the only reason why he becomes a murderous prideful asshole is because Tomie has magical powers.
Also, it should be noted that a lot of times, the people Tomie is manipulating aren’t prideful assholes. This is one of the reasons why Boy doesn’t work, as Tomie is manipulating a child. 
Another thing about Tomie that kind of pisses me off in many stories is how often she acts like an incel’s vision of what women like, specifically that she actively often teases men and then abandons them, playing with them like how a cat plays with a mouse. And, I’m not making this up, Tomie pretty much says as much in multiple different stories, and we don’t have any real reason not to believe her.
Now, that never happens in real life, but many men say it does.
However, Tomie as a character is popular with a lot of women, because in some way, there is something kind of feminist about most of her stories. As I’ve said, men are still making the conscious decision to be violent against her. She can be seen as this sort of vengeance against male violence on women. Also, it appears that Tomie does often pick her targets, those being men who are sexist in some ways. It can be gratifying to see men being really scummy and then being punished.
The biggest examples are Painter and Top Model.
Stories like Revenge and Gathering also do this.
These stories also show men being driven insane with desire, and that’s in sharp contrast to many other Ito stories which show women being driven insane with desire. Tomie is kind of similar to The Tall Boy at the Crossroads.
We also see Tomie play on the jealousy of women and their desire to be pretty in Hair and Marita Hospital. 
In fact, the sequel to Marita Hospital, Basement, shows us a man who is completely immune to Tomie’s charms, and as such, he lives without punishment. The guy with the removed appendix we see in Basement is heavily juxtaposed with the boyfriend character in Marita Hospital. While the boyfriend character chooses Tomie over the other girl, the guy with the burst appendix chooses the other girl.
That’s a pretty clear instance of a man being punished for being salacious.
In the original Tomie story, Tomie isn’t manipulating anyone. While it may not have been Ito’s intention, the idea that Tomie in the original story was the original Tomie, and that she was just an innocent girl, is nice. It implies that everything we see afterwards is basically vengeance for this.
I feel like the worst Tomie stories are the ones where Tomie just is a shit to people who don’t deserve her.
Adopted Daughter weirdly sees Tomie preying on two old people’s desires for having a child. You could say that it’s bad that the old woman specifically wants a young woman to remind her of her youth, and I suppose that’s true. However, it still feels cruel.
There’s also stories like Boy. Yes, the boy in this story is being possessive and jealous. However, he’s a child. Young boys are often sexist, and that doesn’t mean they deserve to be given life in prison. Passing Demon also does this.
There’s also Babysitter, which feels especially miserable as our main character is not being punished for anything. She doesn’t express any feelings of desire. She just wants a paycheck. 
At least with stories like Littlefinger and Murderer/Assassin, the fates of our main characters are direct results of their actions. Sure, the babysitter in Babysitter made the decision to become a babysitter, but you know what I mean. 
Sometimes, there isn’t enough punishment, like with Moromi, where the character gets off scot free. 
Basically, what I’m saying is that Tomie kind of symbolically represents pride and desire. These are the two greatest sins in an Ito story. Uzumaki, Bronze Statue, Madonna, Black Paradox, Hellstar Remina, Dying Young, Venus in the Blindspot, Layers of Fear and many other stories show this.
However, the best of these stories are the ones where
The character’s obsessions directly lead to their fates, like with Layers of Fear and Black Paradox and Uzumaki.
 The story explains why the characters feel this way, like with Madonna.
The character’s obsessions lead them to hurt others, like with Hellstar Remina.
C actually reminds me of a question I have. Is Tomie hurt by what happens to her?
Also, does Tomie want to be murdered? Is she actively trying to get murdered?
The answers to these questions affect how we see the themes of her stories.
51. Love As Scripted- 
This is a very confusing story about a breakup that involves videotapes.
It is this high in the ranking because it is confusing, not despite it.
There’s this idea in it about stories being preferable to real life, with a character choosing to be in a simulated relationship version of her relationship rather than the real relationship, as the simulated version will never end.
That’s an interesting idea, even if it only comes at the end.
This story is also quite fast paced, which is nice.
50. Ice Cream Bus-
The concept of this story is simple: what if the ice cream man turned children into ice cream? It’s a horrifying concept. Even before the story establishes that the ice cream man is evil and magic, we, the audience, have a pretty strong suspicion that he is harming the kids. This is partially because we’ve read stories before and also because of the way he’s framed in the panels.
There is also some very nice growing suspense towards the end as we see weirder and weirder events occur surrounding the ice cream, all building up to the horrifying reveal. It’s not the most visceral and terrifying imagery that Ito’s made, which is why it’s going under many other similar stories.
49. Lingering Farewell-
(Spoilers)
This story has the family where everyone turns into these after images after they die.
In the beginning, we are introduced to this girl. She lost her mother when she was young, so, while growing up, she was constantly afraid of her Dad dying. That’s interesting. Not only that, but we also see that even now, as an adult, she still has nightmares where her Dad dies.
This beginning also does a great job of getting me to like the Dad. He seems like a silly guy.
Then, we see her marrying a dude who comes from the family with the after images. Obviously, she asks her husband’s parents that her Dad be allowed to be an afterimage when he dies. 
Unfortunately, the in-laws say no.
We then get a flash-forward to ten years later. The girl has spent these years unsuccessfully trying to appease her in-laws. 
Then, there’s a twist! The girl sees her husband meeting with someone else.
When the girl asks her husband about this, they get into a fight and he slaps her. Then, he apologizes and explains that the girl died right before they were going to marry, and she’s been an afterimage for ten years.
The last page of this manga is…weird.
Our main character thinks that it must have sucked for her husband to see his dead wife all the time, and that she really should be the one apologizing to him. Now, that lost part is not true, but I guess it makes sense for this character to be thinking that.
Then, she goes and meets up with her Daddy. We see her fading, suggesting that her afterimage is starting to go away.
Here is a question: what was the point of all that? We get all of this stuff about death and grieving and then…it ends. What is this story saying? 
Also, this character doesn’t go through an arc. She starts out being afraid that her Dad will die, and then at the end, she…she still seems to be afraid of that, but she reasons that it doesn’t matter that much because she’s dead. Okay, what am I supposed to take away from that? 
I do think this story does a good job of keeping our attention while not being scary. I was never bored, I guess because I did kind of like the main character. She didn’t have the biggest personality, but the first page did a great deal to add a bit of depth to her character.
I guess I was also interested because I kept thinking the story was slowly constructing some sort of theme, but it wasn’t.
48. The Supernatural Transfer Student-
This is the story about a bunch of people who are into spooky things, but then a kid who’s really into the supernatural comes along and reveals them all to be posers who aren’t even close to being on the spooky grind he’s on.
The characters in this story are pretty fun overall, as they’re over the top, which is better than the blocks of wood we often get.
There’s the leader of the spooky group, and he’s this very pretentious dirtbag. 
I also like how silly the transfer student character is, with his childish delight for the spooky things in life. I also love that he says his favorite hobby is going on walks. That’s a mood.
 His design is also very cute and fits his character perfectly.
The first half of this story is pretty funny. The humor in these stories can often be either too cruel, too goofy, or based entirely around dumb stereotypes, but the humor here is mostly just based on seeing the entertaining clash of characters and all of these little juxtapositions.
However, it is about halfway through this story when it suddenly goes from silliness to trying to be scary, and it is at that point when it falls apart. The sudden shift in tone is weird, and I just can’t take the horror or the suspense seriously. As a result, this part is just kind of boring. 
It also does occasionally seem like Ito still wants the story to be funny, but it just ends up being weird now- and not weird in a fun way.
Like, there’s a scene where a zombie shows up, and it’s funny because the zombie is just a dude who is dead and he’s still talking all casually. However, the zombie is drawn in a very gross and disturbing way. The humor and horror cancels out, and I end up feeling nothing.
Also, the zombie then stops being casual after that and starts being a silent figure with superpowers, with the comedy then coming from the transfer student character.
However, this part of the story does have one of the funniest lines I’ve ever read:
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The tone changes very weirdly again at the end, where we see a super-power battle that seems right out of a superhero comic. I guess the fight is exciting, but it’s very short.
The story also ends very suddenly after the fight.
Overall, this is a very messy story, but it’s also pretty charming.
47. Blood Bubble Bushes-
This is the story about the couple getting victimized by the dude who turns people into blood trees.
Overall, it’s a very solid story. Our two main characters have personalities, with the man being reckless and jovial while the woman is meek and introverted.
There’s some very nice suspense at the beginning with this very mysterious empty town, these weird kids, and that random puddle of blood.
The concept is pretty horrifying, the pacing is very quick, with no real excess fat, and it’s got a pretty spooky ending. The best horror endings are the ones where you realize that there’s probably going to be even more horror occurring later.
My only real complaint is that the man makes many decisions which no human being would ever make in his situation.
46. Dissolving Classroom-
Dissolving Classroom is peak pointless storytelling. The death and despair are so extraordinarily meaningless.
The idea behind the first  Dissolving Classroom story is interesting, what if a guy apologizing to people caused their brains to melt? The addition of the dude’s sadistic little sister doesn’t really add anything, but she isn’t annoying. Why are there so many sadistic children in Ito stories, anyway? Whatever.
The concept is horrific, and the story gets by entirely based on that. It’s very quickly paced, so it works. 
I don’t have any complaints. Our main character is this ordinary girl who is kind of sweet. There’s a fun moment where she tries to be nice to the little sister only for the little sister to scare her off. That’s some very good usage of having extremely different characters.
Then, there’s the second story, Dissolving Beauty, which is basically just the second story but with compliments instead of apologies. It’s also pretty horrific.
The third story, Dissolving Apartment, is the first story but now everyone melts all the way, and it’s also needlessly complicated.
This story also has a weird approach to discussing the issue of child abuse, where it consistently goes back and forth on wether or not child abuse is occuring in this story.
It’s obviously not anything intentional, but it does feel like its minimizing child abuse, since the story envokes it as an idea so often, but never actually explores it as an idea.
It doesn’t help that the apologizing dude is such a mystery, we don’t know his reaction to anything that is happening.
There’s obviously not supposed to be any meaning to this, it's just absurd darkness, but it kind of ticks me off.
The next story, Chizuimi In Love, is odd when connected to the previous story, as it’s the first time when we see the real apologizing person. There’s a scene with him alone with his sister, and he’s an asshole. It is interesting that we saw his parents strangle him previously, and now he’s strangling Chizuimi in this story.
I guess a point is being made about how hurt people hurt people. 
After that, this story gets really fucked up.
It uses our knowledge of the previous stories well. There’s a scene where the protagonist boy is running away from Chizuimi and bumps into the apologizing dude who is like “Yeah, I’ll take you to a nice safe place where that girl can’t hurt you.” I like that part.
However, it is after that where we get this scene where Chizuimi…nonconsensually licks and grabs the protagonist boy, and this is specifically being framed as an action done because Chiziumi has a crush on the boy. Now, these characters are both children. This story gets really miserable after that, like, really miserable. Then, the brain juice breaks the boy out. That’s kind of weird, but alright.
It does sort of feel like the boy never did anything and was instead just saved, but at this point, who cares?
The next chapter, Interview with the Devil, is weird.
It implies that the apologizing guy genuinely feels bad about what has happened to his parents. I don’t know what to make of that.
Also, the boy from the previous story just randomly gets murdered off panel. We see his body, but we don’t see the murder. That is bullshit. 
However, the most memorable part about this is the ending, where the apologizing guy does his apology thing on live TV. We’re told that it’s being “streamed all over (Japan)”, so there are presumably at least 17 people watching at home. That’s a pretty apocalyptic level of destruction. The story ends immediately after, telling us that what happened to everyone who watched the program is “left up to your imagination”.
This is an ending that pretty much mocks the viewer for being invested in the story.
Overall, this is a story that is so cruel, so cynical, and so afraid of warmth and genuinity. However, that is part of the charm.
45. Children of the Earth
This is the story where there are some kids in the ground. I love how it’s just one body horror idea, and that is it. There is no story. Wonderful.
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
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So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
9 notes · View notes
spammreviews · 3 months
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C:
71. Whispering Woman-
This story is…you probably know this one, right?
I relate to the main character of this story very much, because I can’t make decisions for myself and need to be given specific instructions. I haven’t killed anyone, however.
However, there are a few problems with this story. Number one, we are explicitly told that our murderous main character has “a strange mental illness”, and it is clear that their mental illness is the reason why they commit the murders. That’s not good.
Number two, a lot of the horror aspects of this story is removed by how silly the first half is. Seeing this person ask everyone what to do is kind of funny.
Even the addition of the servant lady doesn’t really make the story scary. If anything, it gets kind of funny in a different way. The image of the servant whispering in the girl’s ear is iconic, but there’s something about it that makes it kind of funny when reading the story. I think it’s because of the timing of the panel, where it sort of feels like the punchline to a joker.
Then, after the iconic image, the story takes a sudden turn in a different direction. We hear about how the servant girl is being abused by her boyfriend, and there’s some weird psychological aspect to the situation.
The problem is that the psychological aspect isn’t really flushed out. The characters are one dimensional, and it’s hard to be a psychological thriller when the characters don’t have internal psychologies. I know that psychologies are always internal, but you know what I mean. 
The result is that this last part feels empty. Practically no time is given to the servant’s abusive relationship.
I guess there’s some musings here about work culture, with a person continuing their job after they are dead. However, I’m being pretty generous with that analysis.
The big problem is, it’s not scary because the concept isn’t scary. What if a ghost told me to commit murder? I would simply say no. The only reason why the ghost can manipulate the mentally ill girl is because of a specific mental illness that doesn’t exist. Also, the ghost and the mentally ill girl are only a threat to one character who we don’t see or care about.
70. Headless Sculptures-
This is the story about…well headless sculptures. 
There is practically nothing this story does wrong. However, there is really nothing it does right.
The suspense follows the textbook guide of how to do suspense with no added embellishments, it has the structure of most short stories, and it has a mystery with an effective, if obvious, solution.
A result of this is that this story is very forgettable because of how basic it is.
The imagery also isn’t anything special.
69. Floaters-
This is the story with the orbs that say the main character’s thoughts.
This central idea is the biggest problem with the story. The idea of losing all sense of privacy is horrific to think about, but not to read about- unless the writer does something to spice it up.
Also, most of this story is just drama, but it’s uninteresting because I don’t care about any of the characters. 
Our characters include:
One dude who’s just a massive fucking asshole for no reason, and his motives are never explained. I don’t even think it’s supposed to be a mystery, like Iago.
Girl.
Dude with no personality.
Sad guy 
The sad guy is the most interesting character as he has a personality and is more than a little shit.
Not only that, but the specific center of the story, the horror of losing privacy, isn’t even the center of all the drama. A lot of it involves the dude with no personality telling the dude who’s a massive fucking asshole to stop being a massive fucking asshole and him saying “no”.
The story also ends with the reveal that the sad guy did love the girl, even though that was something that was obvious to every character. 
This story just feels uninterested in exploring privacy beyond the idea that losing it sucks. 
We don’t even really see the consequences of the character’s losing their privacy beyond them feeling bummed out about it. Also, the secrets that get spilled aren’t that salacious, beyond one murder confession that doesn’t really affect anything.
68. The Ghost of Golden Time-
This is the story about the two comedians who use ghosts to get laughs.
What the fuck is the beginning of this story. The first line is “Some nobody comedian died yesterday”. The dude is dead, why are we insulting him?
Also, we get a character saying “Trust a comedian to die laughing” because the man’s corpse had a big smile, like the Joker got him. That’s such a cruel thing to say. 
What does this story have against comedians?
Anywhoo, the story goes on and stuff happens and it’s not that scary because who gives a shit? Oh no, the comedians are grifting supernaturally. So what?
Eventually, the two comedians actually became serious threats, but it takes a while. Even then, I still didn’t care because I didn’t care about the characters.
Also, even though these two comedians do seem to occasionally kill people, other than that, what they’re doing isn’t that bad. Like, it’s unethical, and they shouldn’t do it, but they’re getting people to laugh, what’s the harm in that?
By the way, the line “We walked all the way from China, and boy are our arms tired” is supposed to be a very bad joke, but it’s legitimately kind of funny.
Also, when I read the title of this story, I thought it was about piss-based ghosts. I guess it was for the best that it was about unethical comedic practices.
67. Roar of Ages-
This is the story about the river flood. Drowning isn’t scary.
I mean, obviously, the thought of drowning in real life is horrifying because that leads to death, but this is a story, specifically a visual story. Drowning doesn’t lead to any cool visuals. As a result, this is one of the most forgettable stories. There’s nothing much else to say because this story doesn’t have anything noteworthy.
66. Heart of a Father-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the man who’s a strict Dad, and his children keep on killing themselves.
I feel like this story is close to exploring the toxic nature of work culture in Japan, but it never quite manages to accomplish this.
It seems like it’s trying to say that these values are passed down from generation to generation, but it ruins it because the Dad is trying to have fun by possessing his kids. 
This all means that the suicides are not the result of the father’s demands, but because he wants to have fun and gets carried away. I guess there’s still the idea that the deaths are caused by the father’s childhood issues. However, it still falls flat because it doesn't have anything to do with the children working hard or the father demanding anything from the children. 
Also, the father getting carried away and accidentally killing the boy makes no sense and doesn’t really have anything to do with what the story is saying. This is an example of a plot twist actively deterring the themes of a story.
But, at least it’s trying.
It also doesn’t help that the Dad is kind of cartoony. Don’t get me wrong, I know of parents who place big expectations on their children and demand that they be the best at school and be the most successful people ever. However, this Dad doesn’t even seem that sad when his children die.
I do appreciate the fact that they gave the Dad a backstory, showing that this whole issue is generational. I can see why the Dad is obsessed with his kids being successful, because he grew up poor and saw the miserable effect it had on his family. 
While he is an abusive piece of shit to his kids, in his eyes, he sees himself as helping them, because in his eyes, being unsuccessful is equal to death. He’s like Tywin Lannister in that way. In fact, both Tywin Lannister and the Dad in this story had parents who were shitty with money.
Except, the plot twist removes that interesting aspect from the Dad, instead turning him into a guy who doesn’t care about his children and is fine with murdering them.
Even without the plot twist, the Dad is still a piece of shit, but he’s an interesting piece of shit.
The plot twist means that this story isn’t about the perils of working yourself to death, it’s about the perils of having fun and also being a dipshit Dad.
There is this idea of “freedom” in the story. The Dad tells the children that they have a freedom he never had, the freedom to have fun. Now, this is obviously not true. The father merely believes this because he sees his abuse as being nothing compared to his upbringing.
The problem is, the twist of this story revolves around the kids having fun. So, the story is kind of contradicting itself. It’s saying that the mindset of working hard is evil because it doesn’t allow you to have fun, and then it says that the mindset of working hard does allow you to have fun and also having fun is evil. That makes no sense.
Obviously, by the Dad controlling his children, but he’s taking away their freedom for the goal of having fun.
Also, it’s still a bit unclear what the Dad even sees success as. This is a very non-specific story. It doesn’t even say how the Dad became successful. There aren’t even any parts where the Dad tells the kids to be better at school.
We know he wants to use his children, but what is he even using them for other than being able to experience childhood?
So, is the moral of the story that trying to experience childhood again as an adult is bad? That makes no sense.
I guess the moral of the story is that taking away the autonomy of your kids is bad, but once again, the motives of the Dad contradict the themes of the story.
This story would be a lot more emotionally impactful if you straight up just removed the plot twist, and has the suicides be caused by the expectations of the father, not because he was trying to reclaim a youth he never had.
This story is also annoyingly slow paced, with many scenes that drag on for way longer than they need to for no real reason, especially the scene at the carnival.
However, despite my many complaints, at least this story is trying to say something.
C+:
65. Red String-
This is another early Ito story, and you can tell. There’s a scene with a bunch of ghosts that look like corpses, and they look so��boring. This is a far cry from the way Ito draws corpses nowadays.
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Anywhoo, this is a simple story with a simple concept: what if ghosts gave you stitches?
The concept is more horrifying than it sounds, and the story does a very good job of slowly building up, with things getting more and more messed up until they get taken to their logical conclusion.
I also like when Ito characters go through intense body horror but still go to school. Now that’s Kafakesque!
A problem I have with this story is that it has a lot of exposition, much of which is not all that important. Not only that, but, beyond the concept, it’s kind of generic. I could pretty much predict exactly where the story was going to go from the first few pages because it follows so many horror tropes to a T.
64. Slumber-
This is the story about the dude who stabs people in his dreams.
It’s not a very original idea. Is it a scary idea? Yeah. Does Mr. Ito make full use of the concept? Yes.
However…eh.
The thing is, so many of these stories ride and die on their concepts. The characters are rarely interesting, so the only way we’re going to be invested in the story is if there’s something weird and spooky. While the concept is scary, it’s not extraordinarily scary.
Also, the best Ito stories are the ones with body horror. This is just some people being stabbed, up until the very last panel. That part…is just silly. It’s unintentionally funny.
63. Moromi (The Tomie chapter)
(Spoilers)
This is the story where the guy puts Tomie in some sake. I was disappointed that nothing happened as a result of them drinking the sake, I thought that Tomie might chestburst out of then, or some body horror would happen.
Talk about a waste of potential. 
I do like the image of the sake in the pot taking the appearance of Tomie.
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62. Club House-
(Spoilers)
This story is kind of all over the place. Our main characters are these three girls who are friends until one of them goes into a spooky old house and meets some new friends who are all political extremists.
The biggest problem with this story is that it’s not specific. We don’t know what the politics of this group is.
Also, while the story is about this friend group moving apart, it replaces the actual conflict with the supernatural. There’s no underlying reason why these friends are drifting away from each other, they’re just being victimized by ghosts.
There’s a fun plot twist half way through where it turns out that another member of the group has also been radicalized, but by a different group of ghosts.
It’s a cool twist, but it’s not that impactful because I don’t care about any of these three characters, and I also don’t understand what threat these ghosts even possess. 
This story also just kind of ends, without the conflict being resolved or anything.
I think Mr. Ito just got tired.
61. In Mirror Valley-
This story has a very intuitive title.
If I had a nickel for every Junji Ito story inspired by Romeo and Juliet, I would have two nickels, maybe even three. 
If I had a nickel for every Junji Ito story where there’s a small town that has fallen to some mysterious event, I would be drowning in nickels.
“In Mirror Valley” actually takes the story in an interesting direction by asking what happens after Romeo and Juliet, realizing that hatred doesn’t just go away overnight.
In that way, it contains some messaging about the prevalence of hatred and how it lingers.
So, yeah, it’s a decent story. My biggest problem is that the story didn’t really make me feel anything. It’s not scary because there isn’t really all that much danger. It’s not sad because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s not intense and gripping because there’s no sense of suspense or mystery. 
The only emotion I experience is “intrigued”.
60. The Strange Tale of the Tunnel-
This story has all of Mr. Ito’s favorite tropes, childhood trauma, suicide, mom’s with mental illness, small towns, asshole children and ordinary things being evil. 
Anywhoo, for most of the time, this story is just boring. 
The character’s don’t really have a personality, it’s unclear what the threat is, and ghosts aren’t that scary.
There’s two moments of suspense, but they are in between long exposition dumps that don’t really matter for the story.
Also, it never really feels like the tension is building. Even when we learn more, it doesn’t change the way we see the situation. 
However, the ending of the story is brutal. We see a child getting fucking murdered to death. It’s absolutely horrifying.
Another problem I have is that this story has a wrap around, as it’s told from the perspective of the main character many years later. It doesn’t add much to the story, and it takes away a lot of the tension because we know he’s going to survive.
59. Rib Woman:
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the girl who gets surgery to take out her ribs and then shit goes crazy.
Mr. Ito likes writing stories about women who want to change their appearance to look nicer. The problem with many of these stories is that they never go further than saying “changing your appearance to look nicer is bad.” I’ve already discussed this.
Rib Woman is no exception. Not only that, but our main character isn’t even really punished for wanting to change her appearance. She just has a spooky encounter.
I suppose this story also has the idea that when you change your appearance, it won’t be enough, as the crazy lady kept wanting her ribs to be taken out. However, the main character didn’t suffer that. She seemed perfectly satisfied.
There’s another problem, this story isn’t very scary because the villain is just a crazy woman who, while looking scary, doesn’t have any traits which make her particularly dangerous.
However, there is some nice suspense with the sound of the wires, and the image of the woman with the exposed rib cage is pretty cool.
There’s nothing in this story that is offensive or obnoxious, it’s just a story with little scares and little to say.
58. Mold-
This story is about a house being infected with mold. That’s pretty much it.
The story is very by-the-numbers. You can pretty much guess exactly how the story is going to play out from the first few pages. 
We meet our main character as he returns to his hometown, they enter a slightly off putting situation, they ignore pretty large warning signs, we learn about how this situation is connected the experiments of a mad scientist, everything slowly gets weirder, and then we get a reveal showing the true, horrific nature of the situation.
It isn't a bad formula, so the story does work.
Plus, it has some classic Ito imagery at the end.
57. Bronze Statue-
(Spoilers)
This is a story about an evil lady turning people into statues.
It’s really complex, and I think that, in order for my thoughts to be understood, I will have to summarize. So, bear with me.
This story basically has three parts.
The first part follows two different groups.
The first is the mayor’s wife and her statue maker. They are both evil, and worse, they’re also ugly and old. 
The first thing in the story we see is the mayor’s wife killing her husband by throwing him into a swamp because he insulted her. It’s clear that she has issues with loving herself. I appreciate her hatred of being disliked as a character motivation.
Our second group is four moms and their children. I do like the mom’s as characters as they feel rather real, even if it’s easy to mix them up, as they have similar personalities.
Got that?
Ok.
We learn that the mayor’s wife has put up two half-body statues at a park, one of her late husband, and the other of her, but the statue of her makes her look very sexy. The group of moms finds this hilarious.
We then see that the statue maker made a new full-body statue for the mayor’s wife. This one is also really sexy.
To unveil this statue, the mayor’s wife holds a party at her house and invites the group of mom’s.
We also learn that the statues are made by taking a wax base, pouring a mold over it, and then putting it into a kiln.
The mayor’s wife then leaves the room. The group of women talk about how much she sucks, only for it to be revealed that there’s a camera and a microphone in the statue, and the mayor’s wife captures the women, pours hot wax on them, and then bakes them in a kiln, turning them into statues. 
When I first read this, I assumed that would be the end of the story. It’s a story about a woman who is so afraid of people insulting, she’s willing to commit murder, and a group of moms who are punished for talking about the woman behind her back.
However, it keeps going.
The story then becomes about the mayor’s wife trying to get away with the murder of the four moms while the kids of the moms snoop around.
The police show up briefly and then disappear from the story.
Then, things get supernatural. There’s a scene where the mayor’s wife is talking to the children through a microphone on one of the head-and-body statues, and then the voice of the mayor comes out of his statue (with no microphone) and tells the children that she’s full of shit. It’s an interesting twist, if a bit out of nowhere, as this story had no supernatural elements before this. 
The mayor’s wife goes to the swamp where she drowned her husband and it turns out he’s now turned to wax…like the base for a statue.
Then, the statue maker takes the wax body and turns it into a really sexy full body statue of her husband.
What’s interesting is how happy the mayor’s wife seems to be with the making of this statue. I guess she likes the thought of her husband being remembered as being sexy, as that looks good on her.
She puts the sexy full body statue of her husband next to the sexy full body statue of herself. Then, both statues start talking because why not. The statues roast the mayor’s wife and then make out. I guess she’s hallucinating, as that’s the only explanation.
The mayor’s wife then walks into the swamp to turn into corpse wax, but before she does, she tells the statue maker to fish her waxy body out and turn it into a sexy statue.
He does this. The mayor’s wife, who is somehow still conscious despite being a wax statue, tells the statue maker to turn her into a statue. So, he sticks her into a giant plaster mold and puts her in a kiln.
However, the statue maker dies so she is now trapped inside the mold.
That’s a pretty horrific ending. The old lady is punished for her intense desire to be beautiful. 
However, it makes you wonder, what was the point of the women and the children and the police and the murders and who was inside the previous sexy statue of her?
This story has some great, very horrific ideas, but they’re all shoved into one, needlessly convoluted story.
Also, while a lot of Ito stories don’t adhere to the normal rules of reality, this story is really, really absurd. 
56. Tongue Woman-
Sometimes, you don’t need an actually well-crafted story. Sometimes, you need a story with a few really horrific images, and that’s all.
This is the story about a woman who licks people.
My biggest complaint about this story is that there’s a cute doggee who dies, and that sucks.
Also, the licking woman goes to a mental asylum and is then released because she appears to be cured, only to commit more murders, and that doesn’t exactly send a nice message, now then does it?
However, there’s such a mystical mystery surrounding the licking woman anyway, and I doubt any messages about mental illness were intentional.
Also, this story is most definitely not supposed to be taken seriously. It’s about a woman who licks people. 
There isn’t much else to say, as this is an extraordinarily simple story.
55. Hair (the Tomie chapter)-
(Spoilers)
This is the chapter where Tomie’s hair makes two lesbian girls go crazy. 
Remember what I’ve been saying about the best Tomie stories seeing Tomie use people’s fears and desires against them?
This story does that. We see two women who become obsessed with Tomie after getting some of her hair. 
They want to be like Tomie, because Tomie is hot, and they feel insufficient.
These two main characters are also kind of likable, and the story never really looks down on them for wanting to look better. I especially like the girl with the freckles because she’s got a nice design and she has a nice personality, with a good sense of humor.
There’s also a pretty obvious queer reading of this story, with both of these two girls becoming obsessed with Tomie and how pretty Tomie is. 
This story is also kind of about escapism. The visions of Tomie our characters experience are their way of escaping from reality and imagining themselves as being someone better.
This is pretty relatable. I’m sure lots of us have had phases where we wish we were someone prettier and more charming.
I suppose this story would work a bit more if the story did a bit more to establish these characters’ situations. We don’t know if they’re particularly lonely or not.
There is also a subplot about how one of the girl’s Dads was once in love with Tomie, and that drives his marriage apart. This Dad does seem like a bit of a dipshit, but we don’t really see how that affects the girl.
What I find especially interesting is the fact that neither of the two girls seem to go through a personality change as a result of the hair.
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
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So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
9 notes · View notes
spammreviews · 3 months
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C-:
83. Ryokan-
The first half of the story sees a guy who goes crazy and tries to turn his house into an inn/ bathhouse, much to the chagrin of his wife and daughter.
The portrayal of a marriage in crisis is not unrealistic, but the cause of the drama is so absurd, it’s difficult to get emotionally invested in the drama.
The second half takes place ten years later and follows the daughter as she goes to the inn/ bathhouse that was once her house…well, that’s what I would say if this story was good. Instead, we follow a friend of the daughter who hears the story of the inn/bathhouse and decides to visit it. So, yeah, our new protagonist has no emotional connection to the story.
This new protagonist acts like no human being would ever act, acting very chill when he’s told he’s in a bath of blood.
However, this half does have some horrific looking creatures, even if it also feels the tonal opposite of the first half.
My biggest gripe with this story is that it has no real central conflict to it, mostly due to the sudden shift in perspective.
82. Unbearable Labyrinth
This is the creepy buddhism story.
Our main character is someone who stopped going to school after having a nervous breakdown. She has issues with worrying about how others perceive her. Our ending seems like a perfect opportunity to overcome this. However, it quickly ends before our character can do anything.
Also, the reveal is kind of underwhelming. There are mummies, just as the characters theorized there would be. It’s not even a twist.
This story is a bit odd stylistically, as the character designs are a bit different than Ito’s usual, looking a lot more classically manga. I actually don’t mind. There’s a bit of charm to the way they look.
81. Venus in The Blind Spot-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the girl who becomes invisible when people see her from up close.
It’s not exactly scary so much as it is interesting. The plot twist about the girl’s father is a pretty well executed plot twist, as there is a lot of set up put towards it.
However, after it, I feel like Mr. Ito didn’t really know what else to do, so the story just wraps up really quickly.
Also, the ideas within this story, desire turning to obsession, have been explored by Ito a million times before in Remina, Tomie, and Lovesickness, and all three of those stories do it with a lot more intrigue and dimensions. 
I guess there’s something to the character of the father, who is messing with people’s bodies without their consent. However, the story never really goes anywhere with that.
80. Gathering (The Tomie Chapter)-
This is the chapter where there’s the one dude who doesn’t love Tomie.
The only compliment I can give this story is that it shows how there are men immune to Tomie’s charms, and that desire is something that can be resisted.
The problem with this story is that 80% of it is just Tomie trying to seduce a man who is grieving and doesn’t want to be seduced. I have zero interest in seeing that.
In fact, I’d argue that it is quite boring.
This story is better than previous Tomie stories because it doesn’t contradict the idea of Tomie as a character or be overly cruel. It also does offer a fairly new perspective on the Tomie situation. However, it’s a lot lower than many other Tomie stories because it lacks any interesting imagery, horrifying ideas, or creative use of the character. It really only uses half of the idea of Tomie, the getting killed by men half, and not the resurrection half.
79. Dead Man Calling- 
The set up for this story is a woman getting harassed by phone calls from a man on death row.
This story feels kind of pro-death penalty, as the man being killed is seen as a good thing.
It also seems like it’s trying to make a metaphor about grief, but it doesn’t comment on grief. Our main character starts out grieving and ends up in that same place.
The main character’s haunting problem isn’t solved because she has some grand realization. The dude is just executed, and the story ends. In fact, she doesn’t do anything to resolve her problem, which isn’t how stories are usually supposed to go.
Also, the guy who is being executed looks absolutely ridiculous.
I can’t take this seriously:
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78. Red Turtleneck-
This is the story about the dude who cheats on his girlfriend with a fortune teller, and the fortune teller makes him have to hold his head to keep it from falling off.
I feel like this story kind of over-complicates itself. 
It seems to want to be a simple morality story where a man does a bad thing and then gets punished for it.
There’s a part in this story where it seems like that’s all it's going to be.
However, the girlfriend who got cheated on saves her cheating boyfriend. Now, sure, people don’t deserve to be killed for cheating, but it feels dumb in the context of the story. The main character didn’t do anything to redeem himself. We get no sign that he improves himself in some way. The girlfriend just saves him out of a sense of not wanting to see someone die.
Also, defeating a witch by stabbing her with scissors is really underwhelming.
Also, at the very end, the boy is saved because…well, we don’t know why. His head gets knocked off, and then it is revealed that the weird baby creatures that knocked it off actually didn’t exist. So, what was the point of having the weird baby creatures?
Basically, our main character, the cheating guy, basically just becomes a spectator in this plot after cheating.
Also, the drama between the dude and his girlfriend is never really resolved. I’m assuming they broke up, but it never says.
The end sees our main character still being punished, as the paranoia haunts him for the rest of his life. So, in the end, it does kind of circle back to just being a morality tale, but it adds so much that is not needed for the message.
However, the idea of having to hold your head so it doesn’t fall off is absolutely horrifying, and the design and character of the witch is very fun. 
77. A Deserter in the House-
This is the story about the deserter…in the house.
This deserter is a war deserter who is hiding in the family’s house.
Despite the character’s being the usual blocks of wood, they’re still likable (for the first part of the story) because what they’re doing is nice. The deserter is also likable because he’s such a  polite guy. Sometimes, that’s all you need.
However, it quickly becomes clear that this family actually sucks, and it’s at that point when the story starts to become rather interesting. I do like the way the reveal is done. The story doesn’t explicitly tell you at first, but instead slowly reveals it to you.
I appreciate that. This is a story that actually trusts its audience, and that’s nice.
The problem is, it is at this point when I’ve stopped caring about the characters. It’s also here where a very tedious love drama is added.
It’s hard to care about a love story when you don’t care about the characters being in love, and there’s also so many characters in this story, I’m not one hundred percent sure who is in love with who.
Also, the reason why the beginning of this story works is because the story doesn’t rely on exposition. Then, in the middle, the story begins to lay exposition on us.
It also doesn’t help that this story has one of the most confusing flashbacks I’ve ever seen. I had to re-read that part four or so times because I wasn’t sure what was happening or that it was a flashback.
However, the plot twist at the very end is fun in the way it kind of reverses what is happening to the family, I guess.
I suppose this is a story about the dangers of not moving on, with the family doing this whole revenge plot because they can’t get over a tragedy. 
I’m sure you can also apply that to some politics in Japan.
So, yeah, this isn’t exactly a good story, but the premise is interesting.
76. The Conversation Room-
This is the story about the women in the hospital with stuff growing out of their mouths. Wait, you’ve never read it? Oh. Well…
I have read this story, and it’s decent.
Firstly, Hospitals are always fun locations for horror, obviously.
Secondly, the story doesn’t do a half bad job at building suspense by slowly showing you stranger and stranger events, something Mr. Ito loves doing.
However, it does toe the line between “weird in an eerie surreal way” and “weird in a confusing way”. 
The problem is that everything about this situation is weird in a different way. The hospital staff are acting weird, and so are the four women, and the main character is also confused as to what caused the accident that got him into the hospital. A weird old man crawls through a hole in the wall at some point. He appears again, but he really doesn’t serve any purpose within the story. All throughout it, we get these scenes with very strange dialogue, even though that may just be a result of bad translations.
You can contrast this with the hospital chapters in Uzumaki, where the surreality is coming from either one or two places, and there are patterns to the weirdness.
With this story, there are no patterns. It feels like Ito was randomly throwing shit around.
Another weird thing about this story is the way it constantly switches perspective, going from a man, to one of the women, to the doctors. 
This story also has an odd way of revealing information. The first time we see the stuff coming out of the girl’s mouths, it’s in a flashback.
Another weird detail of this story is that, out of the five weird girls, there’s one we get to know more. What’s weird about her is that she goes from being on the side of the other girls to randomly being afraid of them to suddenly being on their side again without explanation. Also, the group of girls starts out numbering four, only to randomly change to five. That’s not a plot hole, as I’m sure there are other girls in the hospital,  but it just adds to how needlessly confusing this situation is.
Despite all of this, my biggest complaint with this story overall is that it doesn’t seem to know what it’s about. The central conflict of the first few pages is between the main character and one of the women. Then, it’s about the women being mistreated by the hospital staff, then it’s about one of the women not wanting to be with the other women, then it’s about the man running away from the women. The best Junji Ito stories have a consistent theme throughout whether that be spirals, lust, fear of others judgment, et cetera. 
This story has ideas, but none of them are explored. The end of this story has a reveal involving hive minds, but that is never elaborated upon, and none of this story previously had any ideas relating to hive minds like the division between 
Another thing about the best Junji Ito stories is that the supernatural is either born out of the character’s drama or internal conflict or somehow works alongside it: Remina doesn’t like being famous and now everyone hates her, a girl who doesn’t like her appearance turns into Tomie, a boy afraid of social connection has to deal with an apocalyptic force dedicated to sewing people together. Sometimes it’s as simple as a girl not liking slugs having her tongue turning into a slug.
However, with this story, the supernatural aspect has nothing to do with any of the human conflicts in this story. It’s a random interruption that seems to derail the story, rather than move it forward. It doesn’t help that, once the story is derailed, it does not go back on track. The conflicts about the hospital staff being skeptical of the woman’s illnesses and the man being mad about the accident just go away.
Despite my many complaints, this story does have some great imagery with the weird tendrils coming out of the girl’s mouths. 
73., 74., 75. The Tales of Oshikiri (Intruder, Further Tales of Oshikiri, and Further Tales of Oshikiri-Walls)-
(Spoilers)
There are a few Ito stories which span multiple chapters, and this tale of alternate dimensions may be the most obscure, and I think that’s for good reason.
Simply put, these three short stories make no sense. Now, that is par for the course with Junji Ito, but these make no sense in a new and intriguing way.
Let me start off by talking about the first story, Intruder.
This story follows three characters investigating parallel dimensions.
We are introduced to this kid who definitely seems to be a kid from a parallel universe.
He’s this weird and shy kid who is new in town, he gets really nervous when the group mentions other dimensions existing, and he lives without his parents in a big house that apparently has connections to other universes, according to one of our characters.
However, the twist is pretty crazy. He’s not from a parallel universe. 
However, there is a version of him from another universe that is out and about.
That is kind of weird.
Anywhoo, the beginning of the story is kind of  fun, as we’re anxiously waiting for our main characters to find out what we, the audience, think the truth is.
It is nice how we watch our main characters slowly move towards the truth as the evidence slowly builds up.
The problem is, there’s nothing about being from an alternate dimension that is inherently scary. Just because a kid is from another dimension doesn’t mean he’s evil or that he poses a serious threat.
However, the biggest problem with this story is the main characters, who are a new level of boring that I didn’t know was possible. It is impressive, because these are three people who are obsessed with the supernatural. However, they somehow manage to not just have no personality, but somehow have negative personalities. With some boring characters, you can at least make the excuse that there are some people in real life who are boring. However, these characters are kind of boring which is simply impossible for a person to be. Despite being friends, they don’t act like friends, or like people. These characters experience emotion, but they experience them in the way characters from a drug PSA from the 1950s experience emotion,  in a robotic way that people don’t act.
The exception to this is the one Weirdo Kid who is not from an alternate dimension, as he’s this shy little guy.
The boring characters act especially inhuman at the end, where they are witnessing a guy they know burying bodies and their reactions are to tell each other exposition that doesn’t even need to be said.
Imagine you were out with a friend and saw someone being murdered, so you turned to your friend and said “That man is being murdered with a bullet from a gun.”
Moving on,
The next short story, Further Tales of Oshikiri, picks up where the first story left off.
One of the members of the boring mystery gang, her name is Fujimio, runs through the halls of the weirdo kid’s mansion.
However, then the weirdo kid shows up. However, is it him or his evil doppelganger?
I do quiet like that trope, so that made me happy.
However, the member of the boring mystery gang then disappears, and our perspective has suddenly shifted to Weirdo Kid.
We then see weirdo kid, in class, wondering why she was in his house and why she disappeared.
Now, weirdo kid knew why she was in his house…because he took her there in the last issue.
Also, he sees Fujimio again in class, but she acts like nothing happened. So, the weirdo kid assumes that the version he saw was from an alternate dimension.
Then, we get a scene that lasts way too long with this dipshit bully kid picking on Weirdo Kid. Weirdo Kid snaps and beats the bully up, despite that kind of being out of care.
The bully shows up at Weirdo Kid’s house, but he’s a weird slime monster who melts.
The next day at school, Weirdo Kid has a conversation with Fujimio that serves no purpose. It’s exposition of stuff we already know that does not help.
Then, the weirdo kid is back at his house, and Fujimio shows up, only now she’s a weird gross flesh monster that also melts.
I actually really like the design of the flesh monster.
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Then, if you thought this couldn’t make less sense, Weirdo Kid bumps into his evil doppelganger doing scientific experiments on Fujimio. He attacks his evil doppelganger and injects him with a serum that makes his evil doppelganger all messed up and turns him to slime.
I’ve read this story, like, eight times, and it still doesn’t make any sense. This might be the fault of the translation. It’s also because it’s mostly just a series of strange events occurring, with no real explanation. 
Now, I like when stories don’t make sense. However, what’s the point? The best stories which don’t make sense have some purpose.
On the other hand, the imagery ain’t half bad.
The story after this is Further Tales of Oshikiri-Walls, and at that point I had just straight up stopped caring. Weirdo Kid’s parents show up. There are people getting trapped in the walls. The second tale was so nonsensical, it makes the third story bland in comparison.
However, there is a definite charm to how bizarre the middle installment is. I like it when stories are bizarre, even if the story is just doing it for fun.
This story doesn’t seem to even understand its own reality, contradicting itself on even the simplest of facts. It’s legitimately impressive. There’s no sense of build-up either, as the second story feels so much more intense and over the top than the third.
This collection of stories isn’t good, but I definitely won’t forget them in a very long time.
One last final note. Alternate universes are a big thing now, and it is interesting to see a story from the 90s tackle this theme. I do like how little this story adds to the conversation. Its ideas about alternate universes don’t go much beyond “What if there were other universes just like this one?” In the first two stories, alternate universes are only used to tell a doppelganger story, something which doesn’t even require alternate universes
I think that’s kind of funny.
72. Rustling in the Grass-
This is the Mimi ghost story where Mimi and her boyfriend see a corpse hanging from a noose on a tree. Oh no! Then, the corpse rotates towards them and something falls from the corpse. Oh no! That’s it. It ends right there. This story does everything that a Halloween decoration can not also do.  Calling it a story is a bit of an overstatement. 
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
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So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
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spammreviews · 3 months
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D:
127. Fashion Model: Cursed Fame-
This is the sequel to Fashion Model, and it sees the titular character encountering another model. It’s not really a story, as it’s only seven pages long, meaning that we don’t have time for conflict, or rising tension, or plot, or anything that makes a story a story.
There are many other stories here which have the same problem, but this one annoys me especially due to it reminding me of the other “Fashion Model” story.
126. Approval-
(Spoilers)
This story is about a man who fails to get the approval to marry a girl, so he breaks up with her. The whole story is devoid of any actual ideas. It’s one of the most bare-bones ghost stories imaginable.
None of the characters are interesting, I don’t care about their conflicts, and this story doesn’t even deserve to have more said about it.
125. Scarecrow- 
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the man who murdered his wife, and her ghost is in a scarecrow or something.
It is a very complicated murder drama between characters we don’t care about. A lot of the reasons for all of the anger between these people is unknown, and we often don’t get more than a character saying “this person doesn’t like that person”. We also barely ever see how this dislike is expressed. 
This story just doesn’t know how to do drama. Drama is best when there’s a secret reason for the drama, IE. someone is mad at their neighbor because they're having a loud party when in reality they're just jealous. However, “Scarecrow” does not do that. Everyone just hates each other.
Not only that, but the plot of this story is very languid, with no real sense of pace. Ito’s best stories have a sense of progression, which this one very clearly lacks. 
This story is also not scary. Scarecrows can be spooky, but not when the scariest thing they can do is fall on someone. The ending just kind of confused me, and not in a scary way. I simply did not understand what was going on because there are so many characters, none of whom have any characteristics to separate themselves. It doesn't help that this story is completely devoid of any of the classic Ito body horror. It’s instead replaced by…well, nothing. There’s no sense of suspense, because what is there to be in dread about? Oh no, the ghost of the guy’s wife is going to…do something, maybe, possibly. 
124. Blackbird-
This is the story about the evil harpy lady who bird feeds men flesh.
My first complaint is that I don’t like the design of the lady. Her mouth and lips are very big, and it doesn’t look scary. 
My second complaint is that this story weirdly shifts perspective half way through. It’s sudden and very confusing. Then, the story returns to the original perspective. It doesn’t help that this mucks up the pacing, with the second perspective being shown through short diary entries, meaning that this part of the story moves very fast.
My third complaint is that the ending is too sudden.
My fourth complaint is that the characters are (say it with me) blocks of wood.
123. Inside the Earth/ In the Soil-
This is the time capsule story.
Much of what I said about Scarecrow applies here.
The only saving grace of this story is that it is shorter than Scarecrow.
I feel like I should say more, but this story is so devoid of…everything. There’s nothing to discuss here because this story has no subtext, no themes or symbolism or characters or conflicts. 
122. The Circus Is In Town-
Ito has covered many horror tropes, and this one sees him tackling evil clowns, but not literally, even though I would love to see that.
To be more precise, it is the entire circus here that is evil.
The beginning of this story does a decent job of building up the suspense surrounding the circus as we slowly see more and more go wrong and the members of the circus act stranger and stranger. 
The problem with this story is that the circus performers are the ones being affected by this insanity, but we’re seeing it mostly through the perspective of two members of the audience, people who aren’t doing anything. This means that our main characters have no real association with the main plot.
The audience aren’t even in danger, just the circus performers.
Also, the story merely being the actions of a death god means that it feels like the actions of every character are useless, and that there’s no real point to this story.
Not only that, but I kept thinking that there would be some moment where complete chaos breaks out, but that never happens. The circus show just finishes, and our main characters go home. All of this suspense is being built up, and it doesn’t lead to anything.
In the end, this story is just performers dying at a circus.
121. Road Map/ Maptown-
This story is about a town that is filled with maps.
That’s not a scary concept because maps aren’t scary. I have never once been scared by a map. 
This story also doesn’t really know what to do with its concept, filling itself with needless exposition about forest gods. So, not only does this story make the mistake of explaining the horror, the horror it explains isn’t horrifying.
Halfway through, the story randomly becomes about the main couple trying to leave the town after they dig up some treasure. I don’t care because I don’t care about the characters or the treasure or the town.
After a very, very repetitive sequence of our main characters running away and getting lost and running away and getting lost and talking about how they’re lost, the story ends.
120. Near Miss!-
This is the stupid story about the plane crash.
It is very short and very simple. None of the actions of our characters have any real effect, also our characters are as boring and devoid of detail as usual.
The central dramatic conflict of this story is that our characters don’t agree on the best way of finding their friend and his plane, and it’s a rather empty conflict which suffers the same problem as the drama in Scarecrow. While there’s technically a resolution to this conflict, it doesn’t feel like a resolution because it has nothing to do with the actions of the characters and more so to do with the fact that they saw the plane.
119. The Devil’s Logic-
(Spoilers)
This story starts off with a girl throwing herself from a building, and now is about as good of a time as any to discuss a problem with Ito’s work.
I’m not against stories depicting suicide. However, about 40% of Ito’s stories depict suicide.
These include:
The Will, Penpals, Lovesickness, Assassin, Hanging Balloons, Dying Young, Approval, The Sad Tale of the Post, Unbearable Labyrinth, Namuri’s Boyfriend, Floaters, Flesh Colored Horror, The Enigma of Amigara Fault, Street of Gravestones, Devil’s Logic, Black Paradox, Sensor, Orphan Girl/Adoptive Daughter, Inside the Earth, and Heart of a Father.
There are also stories with suicide attempts:
The Spirit Flow of Amigara, Black Paradox, The Bizarre Hizuriki Siblings: Narumi’s Boyfriend, and Slumber.
That is simply too many.
It should also be mentioned that a vast majority of these depict women killing themselves.
It also doesn’t help that these suicides are rarely investigated. A lot of times, it seems like they’re done purely for shock value.
Anywhoo, this story is about a boy trying to figure out why a girl killed herself by listening to a tape of her.
As it turns out, the girl killed herself because the spirit of death visited her. The boy then realizes that he’s also now been visited by the spirit of death because he listened to the tape, and he jumps off a building as well.
See what I said about the suicides not being investigated? Neither the girl nor the boy were depressed or suffered from any sort of mental illness. 
The spirit of death didn’t even use some sort of trauma or inner turmoil to convince the two people to off themselves. As such, this story falls into the classic trap of replacing the psychological with the supernatural, leading to a story where characters don’t do things out of desire or fear, but out of magic bullshit. These kinds of stories usually feel contrived, inapplicable to reality, and shallow. I’ll expand upon that later.
Basically, this is a very meaningless story, and it doesn’t even have any cool imagery.
118. The Bridge-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the guy who visits his grandma, only to find that she’s being haunted by ghosts.
I really like the atmosphere at the beginning of this story, where the main character walks around and we get some pretty images of nature.
The rest? Eh. This story is about 50% exposition about ghosts and the people they were.
This is also an early story, so the art is really rough, meaning the ghosts don’t look nearly as cool as they look in later stories.
There’s also never really a huge threat to our main character, and this story also does the “it was all a dream!” trope at the halfway mark.
117. Sword of the Reanimator-
This is less of a story and more so a random series of disjointed events who have no connection to each other. 
I can’t even synopsize this story, it’s so extraordinarily convoluted. 
A lot of people (rightfully) attack Sensor for being messy, but at least Sensor is coherent.
I also can’t say much more because there’s no way to thoroughly examine this story without spending eight pages pouring over every nonsensical detail. 
116. Biohouse-
This is a very, very early story, and the artwork is some of Ito’s sketchiest and messiest.
The faces look weird in a bad way. 
As for the story itself, who cares? It looks awful. There’s a reverse vampire and a lady who is in his house. It’s fast paced and simple, but it’s also so…empty. It’s a very “and then” story where events happen for no real reason, it’s not a story about anything, and the characters…well, I think you’ll know what I’m going to say here.
This story is also mostly action, but the action is nearly incomprehensible due to the art, which has no sense of time or space. 
115. The Will-
This is the story about the girl whose will says she’s gonna haunt her family.
It’s a story about grief that is uninterested in grief, and you probably haven’t even read it, so I’m not gonna waste your time with dissecting it.
Something that does annoy me especially are the two main sibling characters. They hate each other. It’s definitely more than just sibling bickering. We get a little exposition text box at the end which specifically says both of them hate each other. It would be a lot more interesting if they had a complex and nuanced relationship which was more than just two people being extremely jealous of each other to a comical degree.
114. Tomie (the original short story, aka Chapter One of the book Tomie)- 
(Spoilers)
The first Tomie story has many problems.
Problem number one: the artstyle.
It’s extremely rough, looking a lot like it was made with sharpie. There are many instances where the comic is unintentionally very funny because of how unusual the faces are.
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The backgrounds are practically nonexistent, there’s no sense of space, and all action scenes feel clunky and weirdly paced.
Problem two: there are too many characters.
This story isn’t really about Tomie, but about the people she affects. There are about 8 or so of these people, and they are all very boring, lacking in any depth or personality. The story also jumps around perspectives a lot, making the whole thing feel kind of convoluted and messy.
Problem three: the drama sucks. 
Remember what I said about the drama in Scarecrow? That also applies here.  The characters are just kind of freaked out about Tomie’s death and freaked out about Tomie coming back, and that’s it. The only conflict is when people try to prevent some other people from going to the police. The story has a rather inhuman feel to it in the sense that the characters don’t feel human, and their conflicts don’t feel human. 
Problem Four: The story kind of ends abruptly without any real conclusion.
Problem Five: A lot of later Tomie stories are about desire and how it can be disastrous. This story…isn’t that. The reason why Tomie dies in this story is because…well, Tomie just kind of fell because she was too close to a cliff. Granted, she might not have fallen if it weren’t for the fight which happened due to jealousy. However, Tomie probably would have survived if everyone didn’t cut her up, something they did out of fear, and also because they didn’t check for a pulse. So, the problems of this story arise less out of our character’s inability to control their desires, but out of bad cliff safety and not checking pulses. This story is more about a bunch of people driven crazy by fear and paranoia and guilt than desire. The problem is that the emotions are never given any time to simmer. It also doesn't help that we don't even really know why people are feeling guilty and paranoid until almost the end of the story, and by then it's kind of to late.
Good thing one: Despite the mystery having no real sense of intrigue, the reveal is pretty shocking. The fact that some random dude accidentally killed Tomie and the entire class were complicit in covering up the murder is a great reveal that puts the entire first half of the story into a new perspective. It’s also extremely fucked up. The scene where they cut up Tomie is extremely horrific.
Good thing two: Despite the sudden ending, the last panel is kind of cool. It’s the best image in this entire story.
Overall, the first Tomie story is Ito’s Pablo Honey. It’s important to understand his growth as an artist, and without it, we wouldn’t get anything that follows. However, it’s also nothing when compared to what is to come.
113. Master Umezz and Me:
This story is a parody of an auto-biography that follows Junji Ito’s obsession with a particular mangaka as he grows older. I say “parody” because I’m pretty sure the events it describes aren’t actually real.
It’s a comedy story, so Ito decided to change his art style for it, but it still looks disturbing. In fact, I’d say it’s even more horrifying than his usual style because of how over-exaggerated every expression is.
This story is also very, very heavy on internal monologue, which is never great for a comic book. I like it when the images tell the story.
It also doesn’t help that the prose of this internal monologue is super stiff. That may be a result of the translation, but it is suuuuuper boring to read. There’s no figurative language, it’s like a goddamn wikipedia article.
Also, this whole story meta in this very cheeky way that annoys me. “Ooh, the manga’s called drifting classroom, like dissolving classroom. Get it? Get it?”
Lastly, the comedy is extraordinarily silly, the level of silliness expected from a show for 3-year olds. This clashes heavily with the art style and the down to earth nature of the story.
All in all, this is just boring. There’s no stakes or conflict or anything of that sort, a problem many of these stories have.
Also, and this isn’t the story's fault, but I read this story in the Venus in the Blindspot collection, and this story comes immediately after the Licking Woman, so there’s some real tonal whiplash.
112. Boy (The Tomie Chapter)-
This is the story where Tomie manipulates a child. What’s the point? What’s the point of this cruelty? This story is just edgy for the sake of being edgy, especially the ending, which is so needlessly cruel to everyone involved.
Similar to the first Tomie story, a problem with this story is that it doesn’t investigate desire all that much. The child seems to be interested in Tomie as a mother figure, but the child already has a mother, and we’re never given any sign that she’s a bad maternal figure. So, yes, the desires of this child lead to his downfall, but those desires are never really spelled out.
111. Face Burglar-
Once again, we have an early story with really rough drawings. A big deal is made out of two characters looking exactly alike, but every character of the same gender looks exactly alike.
Every location also looks alike, with very little detail going into the backgrounds. Overall, the art just isn’t exciting to look at.
The ending of this story has some body horror which fails simply because it doesn’t look scary. The idea of someone’s face falling apart is terrifying, but we get three panels which just look like glass breaking. 
Ok, but how is this story as a story? Well, it’s about two twins who are face stealers or something. To be honest, I don’t really understand the plot, mostly because there are 8 or so characters who all look the same. Many of them also have similar personalities.
It also doesn’t help that this story has no sense of time or space. In many Ito stories, that can lead to a dream-like feeling, but with this story, it just means I’m more confused than I already was. I never know how much time is passing between any event, and that can be important for stories.
110. The Gift Bearer-
This story is very convoluted and very slow paced.
It’s about a former evil businessman who gets hypnotized to make wooden dolls that his son distributes.
In order for us to get to that, we need to have this opening stuffed with exposition detailing the hypnotism. After that is done, we need additional exposition to show the current situation many years later. This part feels very repetitive, as the story tells and then shows and then tells us five or so times how nice the son is. We also get this whole unnecessary side plot with this random girl and her father that never adds up to anything in the end.
It’s about halfway through when this story remembers it’s supposed to be scary, so it starts to build up suspense surrounding the dolls, with the hypnotist guy thinking that he sees them move occasionally. It’s not very suspenseful because the small wooden dollars don’t look scary, and if they started to move, what threat would they even pose?
Then, the ending of this story takes place at Christmas, and the story feels the need to remind us how nice the son is by showing him giving gifts to kids for five or so pages. 
Also, all throughout this story, we get the hypnotist thinking some exposition we already know to himself. It happens so often and it disrupts the flow of every single scene. His thoughts are also in this very dry and scholarly tone, and it gives this entire story a sterile atmosphere.
Overall, this story is just boring.
109. Used Record/ Second Hand Record-
This is the story about that record that’s cursed and evil.
It’s kind of funny to see people being very overdramatic about this record, and the story leans into that, so that’s nice.
However, it can be rather difficult to be interested in a story where the protagonist is willing to kill someone over a record.
But, that’s not the main problem with this story, which is that the plot is way too quickly paced, with our main character killing a guy over the record in the fifth or so page.
It would have been better if we saw our main character being introduced to the record, and then they slowly go insane while thinking about it, and this leads to them committing murder.
By making the murder occur in the fifth page, the story kind of jumps the gun and deprives us of seeing this person descend into insanity and the suspense and the mystery surrounding this record growing. Seeing someone descending into insanity is fun, and we could have had the mystique around this record grow.
Instead, what we get is the main character thinking about how they descended into insanity after they commit the murder. Now, I would much rather prefer having seen that happen rather than hear it being said. It’s almost like there’s a very common piece of writing advice relating to that.
After this, we get some uninteresting stuff about the character being chased by someone who once had the record and had some exposition dumps. We are told the origin of this record, which feels very unnecessary. 
There’s a pretty easy solution to this story’s problem: make it be about the main character slowly going crazy and eventually being driven to murder by the record. 
I know Ito knows how to write these kinds of stories. Many of Ito’s stories, like Smashed and the first Uzumaki chapter and a bunch of Tomie stories, have people slowly going insane due to obsession.
Overall, this story wastes a fairly interesting premise by ignoring the most interesting aspect of it.
108. Back Alley-
This is the story about the guy who moves into an apartment, and there’s a girl living next to him, and the guy keeps hearing voices calling the girl’s name.
This story has the same problems as many other stories this low: Boring characters with little agency. Weird pacing- with a beginning that is too slow and an ending that is too quick. A concept that isn’t scary. Suspense that doesn’t work because there’s no sense of danger. Art that isn’t anything to complain about but is nowhere near to fulfilling Ito’s potential.
107. The Scarlet Circle- 
This is part of Mimi’s Tales of Terror, a collection of stories who all share a main character: Mimi. It’s a bit weird that this character appears in multiple stories considering the fact that she is virtually identical to the heroines in most of Ito’s stories. Her only unique quality is using the phrase “ya” instead of “you”, however that might just be the decision of the translator. It doesn’t really matter, though.
How is this story?
Eh.
It’s about Mimi and a friend of hers investigating the secrets of a collapsed house.
That description makes the story seem rather uninteresting, and that’s because it is. This story doesn’t have anything specific which makes it stand out from any other story. The main source of suspense is a circle in a room. I’m not kidding, it’s a red circle in a room. Sure, there are magical properties to this red circle, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that it is a red circle.
Most of the scariest Junji Ito stories have the horror come from something specific like grease, or a lady who’s horny for a house, or the virgin mary.
Also, Mimi as a character doesn’t have agency. 
The plot twist in this story also comes out of nowhere and is one of the least effective plot twists simply because I don’t care about the characters involved.
106. The Smoking Club-
This story is about smoking. It’s not very scary.
The magical aspect about the cigarettes is that the tobacco they use grows near the crematorium. So, it’s like the people are smoking dead people! OOooooohhh
That’s it.
It’s…implied that there may be some sort of ghost aspect, but we don’t know why that’s a bad thing.
I guess some point about addiction is being made, but the only point it’s making is that “addiction is bad”, and it doesn’t even show that. In fact, none of our characters seem to be that hurt from smoking. Actually, I don’t know if this story has any point. That sucks, because it’s also not scary because there’s no real threat beyond our characters probably getting lung cancer in a decade or so.
105. Passing Demon (The Tomie Chapter)-
This is the chapter where there are three child Tomie’s.
Later on, I’ll talk about the point of Tomie as a character, and how she represents pride and desire. However, this narrative doesn’t work when the main characters are children, as children are obviously prideful and full of weird desires, but that’s not their fault.
Also, I don’t want to see a story where there’s a ten year old succubus. That’s gross for the wrong reasons, and this story has three ten year old succubi.
Also, three Tomies means triple the amount of supporting characters, which means that we have triple the amount of boring drama.
104. Babysitter (the Tomie chapter)-
This is the story where a woman babysits a baby that’s a partially formed Tomie. It’s horrifying in a very miserable way.
Most Tomie stories are about Tomie manipulating people using their pride and desires against them. The main character in this story is just a babysitter who is trapped into this situation.
Also, a good story tip a teacher once gave me is to make the protagonist personally equipped to be the best possible fit for the story. For instance, a story about a dude who had to do 12 impossible tasks is best done if the protagonist is a big macho warrior who’s a bit of a dunce, and that’s why the story of Herakles is so enduring. 
However, the situation in Babysitter would be terrifying to anyone. It doesn’t play on the worst fears and desires of the main character or anything, as the main character has no fears and desires.
This is a big problem with a lot of Junji Ito stories.
The problem in this story isn’t that it’s cruel. Many Ito stories are pointlessly cruel, and that’s the point. However, the stories usually either,
Give a reason for the cruelty, even if its an unfair reason, like with Uzumaki
Have a sense of tragedy, like with Remina
Or both, like with Gyo.
103. The Sad Tale of the Post-
You’ve probably heard by now that stories need to have conflict, and while there are definitely ways to write a compelling story sans conflict, a story like that will often end up being very boring.
The sad tale of the post is a good example of that. This story is about a guy who gets crushed by a post beneath his house. That’s it.
However, to be fair, the story is also literally four pages long.
102. Tomie: Revenge
This is the Tomie story about the dudes hiking up a mountain who find Tomie laying naked.
It’s a nothing story. Our main character isn’t really a character, and his actions don’t drive the plot forward, as he’s just reacting.
His only major action in the story is stabbing Tomie, something that has no real effect. There’s also very little build up to that moment, he just randomly goes “Wow! She’s hot!” and then stabs her. He doesn’t slowly go insane with desire.
The story previously spent a bunch of time slowly building up someone else’s growing devotion to Tomie, only for him to be killed by hypothermia. 
The coolest moment is the half-formed Tomie eating the dude’s corpse, something which happens at the end, and it’s not like this scary image reveals important information or make us look at the story in a new light or 
101. The Window Next Door/ The Neighbor’s Window-
(Spoilers)
Mr. Ito forgot that stories are supposed to have endings.
This is the story about a moody teen who moves into a new house, only to find that his next door neighbor keeps spying on him through the window.
There are two big problems with this story.
Number one: For most of the story, it’s unclear what the threat is. The kid has an ugly woman spying on him, and…okay? We don’t even know if the woman is dangerous!
Number Two: There’s no conclusion. The woman says she’s going to go to our main character’s house, and then she doesn’t. She manages to make her window move closer to his window, and that’s it. 
Call me a rule-worshipping conformist, but I like when the conflicts of stories resolve.
100. The Woman Next Door-
I kept confusing this story with the previous story, as they have similar titles and the same problem: they end way too suddenly. They also have a similar premise: there is a mysterious woman who is the main character’s neighbor.
I think I enjoy the mysterious woman in this story more than the mysterious woman of the previous story. The mysterious woman in the previous story was another ugly bad guy. However, the mysterious woman here is a woman dressed in all black who’s really tall. Her design is unique and instantly recognizable.
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Also, at the very least, you can defend the sudden ending of this story being the result of the fact that the mysterious woman in it doesn’t want any trouble. The woman in the previous story was actively seeking out the main character, but this mysterious woman keeps to herself. She just seems a bit pissed off at the main character, Mimi, because she keeps snooping on her.
Oh yeah, this is another Mimi ghost story.
Anywhoo, this story is kind of better than the previous story, but not by a long shot.
99. Old and Ugly (The Tomie Chapter)-
(Spoilers)
This story really wants to be deep. We see these two people trap Tomie in a concrete cube because they want her to experience getting old. They themselves get really old, and then it turns out that Tomie escaped from the cube.
The irony is supposed to be that they were so devoted to punishing Tomie, they punished themselves. In a sense, this is what Tomie always does, causing people to act cruelly towards her, which only ends up hurting them.
However, these two people would still age even if they didn’t trap Tomie in a concrete cube. In fact, aging is something we all go through, and there’s no way to change it. In fact, I’d say it’s not even a bad thing.
Of course, the idea is that aging would be bad for Tomie, but would it? Tomie doesn’t seem to care much about her youth, her appearance, or anything at all. 
You could say that’s additional irony, but you’d be wrong, because Tomie isn’t the one aging here, it’s the two random people.
Also, half of the story is before they even put Tomie in the cube, and that part is really boring, as it’s basically the two people trying to capture a Tomie, and that’s not very interesting to watch.
There’s also a whole bunch of action between the various people around Tomie, and the drama surrounding these people has the same problem as Scarecrow. 
The drama in Tomie stories works best when Tomie merely exacerbates problems that are already there. With the first half of this story, there are no problems without Tomie. Everyone simply sees Tomie and starts murdering each other. Also, the idea behind Tomie is that she manipulates people by using their pride and jealousy. In this one, she just shows up and everyone starts foaming at the mouth. The psychological aspect of the story is replaced by the supernatural, instead of the supernatural aspect supporting the psychological. 
Not only that, the drama doesn’t work because our characters have no personalities, no dimensions, and no real motivations. 
This story is told through the perspective of a sister of one of the girls who were turned into Tomie, and we never really get her reaction to anything. Her goal in the first half is to protect Tomie and then her goal suddenly switches to torturing Tomie in a cube because she’s tired of protecting Tomie. 
98. Murder/Assassin (The Tomie chapter)-
This is the chapter where a dude is torn between a Tomie head and a full Tomie. This whole story is kind of aimless. My description isn’t very good, as that’s actually only the plot of the last third of the story. However, it’s impossible to properly describe this story, as there is no central idea to it, so it just kind of runs around.
I do appreciate that this story is willing to admit that not all dudes are horny all of the time, and that there are some dudes who are just chilling.
I did feel bad for the main character, as his only real sin was being comedically easy to manipulate and unwilling to call the police. I suppose that’s the problem, the main character doesn’t feel human, as his actions make no sense. This leads to the story feeling very contrived, and as such, it’s boring.
Also, once again, Tomie represents desire and obsession. Our main character doesn’t desire anything, nor is he obsessed. He’s just dumb and well meaning.
97. Library of Illusions-
This is the story about the dude who has a library he’s really into, and it all connects back to his childhood trauma. I feel like I should like this story more than I do, as I keep complaining about how these stories are devoid of themes and purpose and what not.
However, the story still suffers from many of the usual problems. To start with, the story isn’t scary, as there really isn’t a scary idea to it.
However, that’s fine, as I don’t think it wants to be scary. It wants to be dramatic, however, it doesn’t exactly succeed at that either. 
A big problem is the characters. The dude with the library is an asshole who is never anything other than an asshole.
Sure, it’s revealed why this dude is an asshole, but that’s not until a third of the way through the story. Before that, the story’s pretty boring because it's just a dude freaking out about books, something which is not very interesting.
It isn’t until the reveal that the story shifts to be about trauma.
However, its depiction of trauma is…strange, to say the least.
The library dude’s Mom read a happy book to him every night, but his abusive Dad read him a scary book every night. As such, the happy book represents happiness for this character and the scary book represents trauma.
Now, I could question why having a relationship with two books would lead to Library Dude being obsessed with books in general, but trauma is rarely rational. One would assume that Library Dude would simply just be obsessed with the happy book, but whatever.
I could also point out how reading your child a scary book is the weirdest possible form of abuse, but sometimes people are weird. 
There’s also this idea that Library Dude has become somewhat like his Dad, because his Dad also had mental issues and was afraid of losing the books in the library. That’s interesting, I suppose.
Shortly after these reveals, Library Dude is visited by the spirits of these books, or he hallucinates being visited by them, it doesn’t really matter. He defeats the spirit of the horror book by memorizing every word in the horror book, rendering the existence of the spirit meaningless. 
Okay, so if the spirit represents his trauma, what does memorizing the book represent? I guess the idea is that he is confronting his trauma rather than running from it, with him memorizing the book being a way of forcing himself to really think about his trauma.
Okay…
However, then Library Dude accidentally banishes the spirit of the nice book by memorizing all of the words from that book.
His grief leads him to memorize every book, because then he’ll never be visited by a spirit again. I guess this sort of represents him being afraid of heartbreak and cutting himself off from others, or it could represent him being afraid of connecting with the actual memories of his past. So, memorizing is a way for him to forget, as it means the spirits won’t visit him. I’m assuming that all of the books somehow also represent something for the main character.
Also, this event allows him to replace his real traumatic memories with fiction, so it’s a form of escapism.
Obviously, these actions aren’t healthy, and they lead to his brain just being the contents of the books.
Anywhoo, his wife tries to burn the library but she ends up burning down the house, and the last scene shows Library Dude’s dad in a mental hospital talking endlessly. I don’t know what the point of that last scene was, as everything in it is something we could infer ourselves.
Okay, so that was the story and my “analysis” of it. The problem is, I feel like most of my analysis is bullshit. I doubt the story was intending to say this, and even if it did, it’s still not all that great because of two problems:
One. We don’t really want to see the main character recover from his trauma, because he’s an asshole.
Two. The ending is sudden and weird. It feels like the story is starting a thought and not finishing it. Its “exploration of trauma” never reaches a resolution.
Three. Its depictions of trauma and the reactions to it are kind of campy. Library Dude was abused by being forced to read a story. That’s silly. 
96. Dying Young- 
The first problem with this story is that it is not spooky enough.
Dying of a heart attack is not scary. 
Moving on, the story doesn’t know how to get his message across.
According to the Junji Ito wiki, our guy was trying to spread a message about self acceptance with this story. The problem is, it’s never really explored why all of the girls want to look good. Obviously, we know it’s because of beauty standards and the way women’s value is measured in their appearance, but that is never shown or mentioned. As a result, the story feels very surface level.
The only insight we get is when a girl who becomes pretty becomes popular, which I suppose does show how beauty works in society. However, that whole situation is done so unsubtly it feels almost funny, and once again, the story is very surface level, not showing why being pretty makes one popular.
I also don’t feel bad about any of these characters, because, well…they aren’t characters. They’re personalityless blocks of wood.
Ultimately, the story makes the mistake of feeling like it’s judging those who don’t accept themselves. It’s unempathetic. I don’t feel bad about all the girls who are victims, because they are seen as shallow and naive for what they think. Obviously, they need to be shown as being in the wrong, but there’s a way to do it while still making us feel bad for them. The story could have gotten into consumerism or how men treat women or anything. 
To get why I think this story fails in its message, let us compare it to another horror story written by a man about a female issue, Carrie
However, Carrie is a story with layers, where the characters are more than archetypes of teen girls. Their wants and desires are explored, and we see why they are this way. “Dying Young” never goes beyond “Wanting to look pretty is bad”.
In Dying Young, we never see anyone facing bullying because of their appearance or anything of that sort. 
Also, Dying Young never actually shows why not accepting yourself is bad. The people in this story who don’t accept themselves die of a heart attack because of a magic curse. However, magic curses don’t exist in real life. We never see how a failure to accept oneself can hurt your emotional health or your relationship with others. That is very important.
We can contrast this to Carrie, where Carrie’s entire rampage at the end occurs because some people found that being punished by a PE coach was humiliating, and the humiliation of the experience causes Carrie to lash out. Even if you remove magic from the story, we still see how our character’s desire for affection is what leads to their actions. Carrie would be a lot shittier if the entire prom building just exploded because some teens in it were afraid of being humiliated and that activated a curse, or if the shower scene only happened because the bullying girls wanted to fullfill some curse.
It is extremely important that the supernatural elements do not replace the psychological elements, but instead simply amplify them. That’s how you make a story about magic have messages wich apply to a world devoid of magic.
Another problem I have is that this story keeps on adding elements. Halfway through, we are thrown this detail about killing an ugly girl on a Friday and the main character’s sister. It feels random. 
I have one last problem with “Dying Young”. I don’t buy any of the character’s relationships. The emotional core of this story is the relationship between these two friends, but we never see them behaving like friends. 
95. Beehive- 
(Spoilers)
Note: In this review, I use the words “bee”, “wasp”, and “hornet” interchangeably because my translation of the story also does that.
I love that the first line of this story is “You never talk about bees anymore, Takano.” That is a perfect opening line because it asks so many questions:
Why does Takano never talk about bees anymore?
Why did he talk about bees in the first place?
Why does the speaker care?
Overall, the opening of this story is pretty funny in how ridiculous it is. The speaker of that first line is Takano’s girlfriend, and Takano tells her he’s no longer interested in bees, because all he cares about is her. Then, a giant hornet appears, and he immediately runs after it.
What’s weird is that, after this, the story then decides to have a flashback to when these characters first met three months ago. It feels a bit unnecessary, like the flashback could have started the story.
This shows a symptom of the story: its very slow pace. A lot of time is taken to introduce us to the characters and their situation, even though these characters have no real personality or dimensions.
From the title page, it was pretty obvious that the story would end up with someone getting fucked up by wasps/bees/hornets. As such, the entire story was just me waiting for that to happen.
You would think this beginning would build suspense, but it really doesn’t because seeing a kid acting like he’s stoned while around bees doesn’t build suspense.
In order to build suspense, we need to get the feeling there’s something wrong and that our characters are in immediate danger. This story doesn’t have that affect because all we the audience know is that someone will get fucked up by bees/wasps/hornets. 
Also, this story adds unnecessary details, most notably the character of the girlfriend, who doesn’t add anything to the story. She doesn’t even seem all that weirded out by her husband’s bee obsession. In fact, she’s quite supportive. This isn't a story about how a man’s bee obsession destroyed his personal relationships, this is a story about how a man’s bee obsession killed him because some kid decided to turn himself into a beehive, and then…actually, the main character’s death makes no sense. A bunch of giant hornets just appear out of nowhere because “there must be a hole somewhere”, and they manage to overwhelm him because the story needs to end.
Not only that but, the ending was a huge Let Down, as the body horror was nowhere near as horrifying as it could have been.
94. Orphan Girl/ Adoptive Daughter (The Tomie Chapter)-
(Spoilers)
This is the Tomie chapter about the wealthy old couple who adopts Tomie.
This is one of the Tomie stories which sees Tomie being a complete asshole to people who don’t deserve it.
Also, as I’ve said and will say, the best Tomie stories are the ones where Tomie worsens drama that already exists. This story sees Tomie entering a situation where everyone gets along fine and then drives them against each other by making them go crazy with her magic powers.
The best Tomie stories have Tomie use her victims' inner fears and desires.
I guess Tomie does use her adopted mother’s desire to be young and beautiful again against her, but wanting to be beautiful doesn’t translate to biting a young girl. 
Also, the Tomie of this story gets murdered because her adopted father, who she previously had a perfectly normal relationship with, suddenly is filled with the desire to murder her.
It also seems like this story wants to do a jealousy narrative with the maid of the rich couple being jealous of Tomie, but the maid doesn’t actually seem jealous. She tries to murder Tomie, but only as an act of vengeance after the woman of the couple hangs herself.
Also, the character of the maid is a character with no real motives other than liking the family, so there’s no internal psychology for Tomie to play with.
All of this combines to create a rather boring story, and it doesn’t help that the imagery is pretty lacking. I think Mr. Ito wanted there to be a sense of suspense, with us watching as Tomie slowly endears herself to the family. However, the suspense didn’t really work for me because I didn’t really care all that much for the main characters. 
93. Just the Two of Us- 
(Spoilers)
This is another Mimi ghost story. It also suffers from the problem of Mimi being a boring character who doesn’t do anything to affect the plot and is also not affected by the plot in any way.
However, unlike the Scarlet Circle, this story actually has some scary imagery.
As to what this story is about, it’s about a little girl who keeps mysteriously attracting soot stains.
These soot stains do a great job of slowly building up suspense, as they slowly get bigger and we slowly learn more about the child.
The ghost is also pretty scary. 
The problem is, this story kind of jumps the gun, revealing the ghost way too early. This means that the story peaks in creepiness half way through. Before the ghost, there’s suspense and also a bit of mystery, but after the ghost, it’s a pretty generic exorcism story.
It also doesn’t help that we’re never told why the ghost is a threat. In fact, the ghost seems pretty friendly. As a result, the exorcism sequence is devoid of tension.
Not only that, but, in a baffling creative decision, the exorcism just works. 
Now, here’s a thing about stories. Usually, when the characters make a plan to accomplish a goal, the plan goes wrong. For instance, in every heist film, the heist goes awry, and the characters have to go to Plan B. However, with this story, the exorcism never goes badly. The exorcist simply does his stuff and the exorcism works. As a result, the resolution feels way too easy.
Also, the character of the exorcist is someone introduced into the story to do the exorcism, so none of the characters the story has previously set up do anything other than watch.
Ito could have had the exorcism go wrong in some way, and then the characters have to do something to get rid of the ghost. You would think that the child would have to be involved with the exorcism, as the only reason why the ghost is there is because of her. The ghost is connected to her trauma over her Mom’s death, because the ghost is her dead mom. However, instead of making this character have to do stuff in order to get over her trauma, she simply watches as an exorcist does it for her. Believe it or not, that’s not how getting over trauma works in real life. Having the child have to act in order to get rid of the ghost would have been such an easy way to give the child a satisfying character arc where she gets over her Mom’s death. 
This is gonna sound pretentious, but the ending of this story just flies in the face of basic story writing principles. It’s bizarre. I know Ito is aware of these principles as he puts them to use in many of his other stories. Street of Gravestones and Gyo and Remina and Black Paradox are filled with characters who’s plans go awry and they have to adapt to their new situation. 
The ending of this story says that Mimi assumes that the child went on to live a happy life, but like, was the issue of her grief not sorted? I think that’s a problem that the exorcism definitely did not solve, despite much of the beginning of the story revolving around the child having problems because of her trauma. 
This story is so stupid, Jesus Christ. At least it had a cool looking ghost.
92. Keepsake-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about a baby born from a corpse (like Guts from Berserk).
The mystery of the story is how this baby could have been born from a corpse and the reveal is that the baby’s father fucked a corpse.
This story is really not very scary, as much of it is taken up by a boring soap opera about a bunch of very boring characters. The conflicts in this soap opera are never really resolved, as the story just kind of ends after the reveal, leaving us wondering what the point of the story was. One of the players in the soap opera does die, presumably killed by the corpse baby who’s now a corpse child, but that’s not really how resolutions work.
I’m also not sure how the corpse child killed her, as he just smiled creepily.
I guess I can critique this story for following the “ugly=evil” trope, and the “being born out of rape=evil” trope, but I’m not sure if the kid’s even a killer. This story is way too fast paced to have any actual story beats. There are five or so big characters, three time periods, and 19 pages to tell the story. 
91. Bog of the Living Dead-
The set up for this story is that there is a school clean up committee and a bog with ghosts that possess people.
It is one of Ito’s least memorable stories. There is no memorable or creative imagery, none of the character’s go beyond the usual archetypes Ito likes to draw from, the story waits until halfway through before trying to actually add suspense, there isn’t any real atmosphere the ghosts here aren’t scary because they’re a bunch of lights who barely seem to pose a real threat to our characters, and there are no themes or ideas explored here.
90. Falling-
Falling is a story where a bunch of people hang themselves and then they disappear and they fall from the sky. Our main character is a guy who’s sister hung herself but is still alive.
A common theme in Ito stories is mass hysteria or large groups of people all doing the same strange thing for no reason. This story also has that. I can see why he does that, as it is off putting.
In fact, I think “offputting” is a good description of this story. It’s a bit spooky, but not really. The beginning has lots of suspense, but it’s a very vague suspense. For instance, all the people who kill themselves leave a note saying “Something strange is going to happen in this town”.
Another problem is that the horror of this story is really convoluted. In most of the best Ito stories, it’s pretty easy to understand what the victims experience: they turn into a snail or they get stretched out or they turn into salt. These stories have a central idea.
However, in this story the victims go through this whole complex process of trying to kill themselves, walking out of the town disappearing, falling from the sky, and rising again as ghosts. It’s also really unclear what is going on with the main character’s sister specifically, and if her experiences are different than the other victims. It appears to be different, but I don’t know what makes her special.
I don’t need these stories to explain everything, but it would be nice if there were some sort of rules or internal logic or consistency. Uzumaki is a great example of a Junji Ito story which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but the world has its own logic that it doesn’t deviate from. However, “Falling just plays willy-nilly with what happens to the victims. As such, it’s hard for me to get invested or to be scared. The idea of falling from a great height is scary I guess, I’m just confused about all of the steps along the way. 
Also, I don’t care about the main character and his sister, nor do I care about anyone in this story or the town. 
89. Penpals-
I like the beginning of this story with how abrupt and off-putting it feels.
A boy wanders through a house at night, angrily searching for someone.
However, it then turns out this intro was a nightmare, and that trope got tired in horror stories sometime in the 90s. Wait a minute, this story was made in the 90s. Nevermind.
Anywhoo, following this, we are properly introduced to our main character, a boy who is lonely. We know he is because he basically just tells us. He really wants a girlfriend, so he decides to ask out this girl who is just as solitary as him.
The next half dozen or so pages see the two of them getting to know each other, and it is kind of boring. Both characters are boring, and there is a huge amount of dialogue. Now, the dialogue in many of these stories is often stilted and awkward, which is usually probably because of translations.
However, this story, aside from the beginning and ending, is extraordinarily dialogue heavy. There is very little visual storytelling.
It also doesn’t help that what these characters are talking about isn’t interesting. Half of it is the girl infodumping on her relationship with her penpal, and the guy going “Damn, that’s crazy.”
The ending of this story is just stupid. It brings the story back full circle, with us seeing similar events to the dream. However, it also makes no sense whatsoever, and not in a dream-like way. His doppleganger just shows up because why not.
88. Anything But A Ghost-
This is the story about the dude who cheats on his girlfriend with a woman who can see ghosts. It’s the hundredth story where a woman kills herself.
The main character of this story is a big problem. Now, there’s nothing wrong with having an unlikable main character, but this story never fleshes out our main character’s horribleness. Why does he cheat on his girlfriend? Their relationship seemed fine.
I guess the girl who sees ghosts is hotter than his girlfriend. It’s hard to tell with this artstyle. The girl who sees ghosts has longer hair, bigger eyes, and a smaller nose. I guess those are attractive traits.
Moving on, the motives of the girl who sees ghosts also makes no sense. She likes the main character because she wants to eat the ghosts near him. However, why did she tell his girlfriend about the affair? Did she just know that the girlfriend was going to kill herself? Did she feel bad?
Also, like, our main character is punished for his actions in a very weird way. 
Him living with the guilt of the girlfriend’s death is a sort of punishment as his affair caused her to kill herself.
However, our main character is also punished by losing his job and his house and falling deathly ill. Now, that doesn’t happen because of something the main character does. It just happens to him for no reason. So, the majority of our main character’s suffering isn’t a consequence of his actions, it’s a consequence of him having bad luck.
So, I guess the moral of the story is not to have bad luck.
Another thing about this story is that the central idea isn’t really scary. The scariest ideas are the ones that could happen to you, and I guess if ghosts existed and there was someone who could eat them, then my ghost could be eaten. So, the idea works in that regard.
However, it’s needlessly convoluted. A person could also eat you when you’re alive. Being a ghost doesn’t make it scarier.
Also, the person who eats the ghost isn’t a very scary villain. She obviously does not feel like she could exist, and she doesn’t have any scary presence or aspects that make her feel like a threat. Honestly, if I became a ghost, I don’t see why I couldn’t just run away from her.
87. Little Finger (The Tomie Story)-
(Spoilers)
This is the Tomie story about the four brothers, one of whom is ugly. 
The problem with so many of these Tomie stories is that they devolve into complicated and uninteresting dramas among people who are not Tomie.
This chapter has some fantastic imagery, but to get to that, we need to wade through the relationships between these brothers, all of whom are bland and two dimensional characters.
I have mixed feelings about the ending of this story. Our ugly main character has finally found someone to comfort him, a copy of Tomie who is ugly because she can’t heal from her burns. She is bullied and eventually abandoned by her hot Tomie sisters, and that parallels our ugly main characters and his brothers. The bond between our main character and this Tomie is sort of sweet in a really fucked up way. Then, when our main character confesses his love, the ugly Tomie laughs and becomes beautiful.
On one hand, I think it’s interesting that this Tomie is only able to heal after gaining a feeling of superiority. It’s like feelings of pride make Tomie stronger. 
On the other hand, this is so needlessly cruel.
Our main character isn’t a bad person. He’s a victim of abuse who is quite nice to Tomie. Sure, he helps to cover up her murder, but that’s because he’s being manipulated by his brothers.
This is one of the many times when a Tomie story seems to go against its own themes. We see Tomie preying on people’s pride and desire, and then we see a character with neither also being punished for the crime of…taking comfort in a shared relationship with someone? Sure, you could say he felt desire for the burnt Tomie, but also not really. 
However, I can compliment this story on being one of the few Ito stories with an ugly main character. So many Ito stories cast the ugly characters as villains, so this is a nice change of pace. 
I wish that this main character was an actual character, but oh well.
86. The Town Without Streets-
This is an…interesting story.
It starts off with our main character suddenly having a crush on a boy she didn’t have a crush on before. Oh no! She tells her friends about this, and they tell her that maybe the boy has been hypnotizing by whispering to her while she sleeps.
That’s…that’s kind of a weird conclusion, but alright.
The story then quickly shows that their hypothesis is correct.
We then get this scene that is supposed to be scary, but it’s so bizarre it just ends up being funny, featuring the boy she likes appearing and admitting that he’s been hypnotizing her, only for a guy calling himself Jack the Ripper to show up and stab the boy. This is despite Jack the Ripper preying only on women.
Then, it turns out that the boy she saw in the dream was found stabbed in the exact same manner as the dream. Holy shit, it’s like Friday the 13th! 
However, this story does not have that same fear of going to sleep, as our character moves on and multiple months pass.
After the time skip, we learn that our main character has some drama in our main character’s household, as our main character thinks that her family is constantly checking her room to make sure no boys come in. She thinks this is because they heard the boy from before when he came and hypnotized her. 
This perceived spying is driving the girl kind of crazy.
I guess the idea is that our main character has become paranoid after the incident, and that is hurting her relationship with her family. That’s…actually pretty interesting.
I like to see that sort of character work.
Pissed off at her family’s perceived spying, she decides to leave town and live with her aunt, because that’s just a thing you can do, I guess.
However, when our main character arrives in her aunt’s town, she finds that it’s weird and creepy with all sorts of uncanny people and places. Ito likes doing this a lot, and he is very good at making new towns that feel mysterious and foreboding.
She does spend way too long being lost, but we do learn a bit about this town.
However, as weird as the town is, it’s not exactly scary, because you kind of need more than weird architecture to make a location scary. Yeah, it turns out that there’s a lot of violence in this weird city, but it’s not interesting violence. People just get stabbed occasionally.
This section is also really repetitive. A masked person whispers something to her about five or so times.
Anywhoo, finally, after what feels like an eternity, our main character finds her aunt. She’s got her tits out.
The aunt does. The aunt has her tits out.
The aunt explains in a needlessly long and wordy exposition dump that there’s no privacy in this town. Oh no, this is exactly the opposite of what our protagonist wanted.
At this point, I think Ito didn’t know how to continue, so he just threw a random curveball. The aunt threatens the main character with a knife, so she runs away, and then there’s these people with long foreheads with lots of eyes.
I think the appearance of these people are supposed to be scary, but they just aren't, mostly because of how spare and detail-less the art is- as this is an early Ito story. I’m sure if he drew these creatures now, they would look absolutely horrific, but this manga was made thirty years ago.
We get this random nonsensical twist about the Jack the Ripper fella, then the aunt does some deus ex machina, because she, for some reason, has completely changed in the five minutes or so since she threatened her niece.
The idea about the main character wanting privacy is never really resolved. The aunt saving the day means that our main character does not actually affect the plot, instead just being a character who has stuff happen to her.
This story has this recurring theme of privacy and it being broken, but it never reaches any conclusion whatsoever. We see a bunch of characters getting their privacy broken, and that’s it.
Also, despite this being a rather long story, 70 pages in total, our main character doesn’t really go through an arc.
The Jack the Ripper reveal at the end is shocking, I guess, but what does the reveal mean for the characters and the world? The best plot twists are the kind which affect the way you perceive what’s going on.
The plot twist in The 6th Sense serves as the final piece of Bruce Willis’ arc in the film. The plot twist in The Planet of the Apes continues the story’s ideas of war and destruction. The plot twist in the Empire Strikes Back forces Luke to reconsider a lot of his notions about good and evil.
In this story, the Jack the Ripper reveal doesn’t say anything about privacy or make the main character reconsider anything.
The aunt loving not having privacy doesn’t mean anything.
Even having this town where privacy doesn’t exist doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t affect the way our main character sees privacy. Sure, it horrifies her, but this situation would horrify anyone. Fucked up situation tend to do that.
This story is also extremely messy, randomly shifting locations halfway through. It feels less like one story and more like four stories, two for each location, and these stories don’t really flow all that well into each other or build off of each other.
The ending is also just stupid. I don’t really mind when plots have coincidences and contrivances, but this is taking it to an extreme level. The problem is that our character didn’t defeat Jack the Ripper by rising to the occasion or using her skills or growing as a person or anything. She defeated Jack the Ripper by not defeating Jack the Ripper and instead having her aunt magically appear. The only decision our main character makes which affects the plot is deciding to go to her aunt’s town. Other than that, she’s not a character with agency, or purpose, or any of those things they tell you to give characters.
I could go on, but this one review is already too long.
85. Fixed Face-
I’m tired of leveling the same complaints about every story. 
This story features a boring character with no agency. 
There’s no resolution to this story, and it makes no commentary on these ideas of beauty. 
To be fair, it is just eight pages, so, whatever.
84. The Sea Shore-
This is another Mimi story, and it starts off with Mimi and her friends having their trip to the beach rudely being interrupted when they see a ghost.
It is an awesome looking ghost. I love the way Ito draws ghosts by the way. His ghosts are often just what the corpses of the dead people look like with some effect, and that works really well because corpses are gross, and this also communicates how the people died. 
The problem is, after we see this ghost, the story then veers off into another direction, and we get many pages of our main characters being on the beach. They do briefly talk about the ghost sighting, but they then change to talking about getting laid and other boring things I don’t care about. By the way, “Getting Laid and Other Boring Things I Don’t Care About” is the name of my upcoming autobiography.
It takes a while before this story remembers that it’s a horror story, and we get this spooky scene on the beach at night. I quite like that scene, because beaches at night are really eerie. The scene, however, feels weird tonally, because it’s kind of spooky but also kind of humorous. This one guy starts seeing ghosts, but no one else sees the ghosts. As such, we get multiple pages of the guy going “Ah, look a ghost!” and then we see where he’s pointing to and it’s just a seascape. It would be funny if he wasn’t hallucinating the dead bodies of children.
Also, after that scene, the story just kind of loses all momentum. The eight pages after that show the guy who saw the ghosts turning up dead and then a photo of him showing ghosts and then there’s some conversations and then the story ends. 
The ending is really sudden and does not resolve anything.
However, the photo with the ghosts was a very scary image, because Ito is, once again, good at drawing ghosts.
The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
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So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
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spammreviews · 3 months
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The Junji Ito Story Ranking, Worst to Best
Trigger warning:
Suicide, self harm, mentions of body horror, death, animal death, rape, marital abuse, transphobia, and sexism.
This will not include Junji Ito’s adaptations of others' works. There are also some works which couldn’t be put in this story because they simply aren’t available in English.
Also, there are two kinds of Junji Ito stories: one shots and longer stories.
One shots are stories such as Slug Girl and the Enigma of Amigara Fault.
Longer stories include Gyo and Remina.
There are some stories which are kind of on the fence between the two such as Tomie, Souchi, Uzumaki, and the Dissolving Classroom. These are collections of multiple different stories which can work together as one cohesive story. I ranked all of the Tomie chapters as separate stories as I felt like their quality varied, but Uzumaki, Souchi and Dissolving Classroom had more consistent quality (for better or for worse), so they were ranked as one whole work.
Penultimately, some of these stories have multiple titles. I have tried to show both titles when that happens, but there are most likely some times when I have made a mistake.
Lastly, some of my reviews will contain spoilers while others will not. Those with spoilers will contain a (Spoilers) tag.
Worst to best
F:
133. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings:
The Seance-
I hate every character in this story.
This story is about a family and they’re all spooky weirdos, like the Addams family if they were all annoying.
There’s the fat guy.
His design is obnoxious, and his entire existence is a never ending stream of stupid, overdone fat jokes. Wait, actually, that’s not fair, there is also a bunch of gross out humor.
There’s the little girl. She’s the “evil little girl” trope. She’s obnoxious and I hate her design.
There’s the little boy. He’s the “evil little boy” trope. He’s obnoxious and I hate his design.
There’s the eldest girl. She’s…she’s there.
There’s the eldest boy. He’s pretending to be mature and he speaks in a weird false-eloquent manner. He is not extremely obnoxious.
There’s Narumi. She’s “normal”, which means she’s boring.
The first half of the story sees us being introduced to our main characters. The eldest boy invites a girl to dinner. At the dinner, ee see the fat guy drooling and eating lots of food in a gross way. 
The family has a fight and I don’t know what emotion I should be feeling in that scene. Is it funny? If so, it fails, because there aren't any actual jokes. Is it supposed to be dramatic? If so, it fails because I don’t care about any of these characters. It’s clear that the family is grieving, but they’re all grieving in these extremely inhuman ways- so I can’t relate to them.
The family decides to have a seance for their dead parents, and that takes up the rest of the story. It’s filled with gross-out humor, inane banter, and extremely repetitive character beats. I think the little girl cries like ten or so times.
The family is also just arguing all of the time. Every page is another argument. I know that families argue with each other, but this is ridiculous. I don’t think this family likes each other.
All of this arguing means that the plot has the pacing of molasses, as none of this arguing moves the plot forward.
Also, family drama isn’t interesting when the family are just annoying caricatures of tired archetypes. 
This story sucks in every way. It’s not even nice to look at because the designs of the family make me want to vomit.
God, I hate this story so much.
132. All of the Souichi Stories-
The Souichi stories are too silly to be scary, too dark to be funny, too down-to-earth to be campy, and too annoying to be likable. 
Souichi is a child who never poses a threat to our main characters, so he’s never scary. 
However, his hijinks are also not fun to watch because they usually involve hurting people.
Fictional characters getting seriously hurt can be funny in a fucked up way, but only if something is added to make it funny. These stories just have someone getting their hand hit with a hammer. People getting hurt can also be fun if they are being injured in an extraordinarily cartoony manner, like in Evil Dead 2, but the injuries characters receive here are stuff like stepping on a nail, which is a very simple and realistic way to injure oneself, meaning that it’s not fun.
Despite being about a child who’s evil, these stories never have much fun with that premise or do anything creative. The only way Souichi being a child barely affects his career as an asshole is that he doesn’t face consequences.
Also, the others characters in this story are blacks of wood with no personalities and no dimensions. As such, the story is extraordinarily boring whenever Souichi isn’t on screen.
Watching a child be annoying to a bunch of boring people gets extremely old extremely quickly, especially with how repetitive these stories are. There are about fourteen of them, and they all have the same plot.
Lastly, Souichi is just annoying. He has all of the most annoying character traits of children: he always repeats things, he screams way too much, he eats really messily, he’s a gleeful asshole, and he never faces any consequences for his actions. 
This kind of character can work, like that prince kid from the Tintin comics, Abdullah or whatever. However, that kid appears in like fifteen pages over the course of two different books. 
However, Souchi is the main focus of these many stories.
Even when Souchi gets what is coming to him, it’s never cathartic because it’s always way too much, like him getting nails through his cheeks. That’s disturbing. 
Essentially, the problem with these stories is that they have no sense of tone. The mix of morbidity and wackiness leads to the stories just being really annoying.
They’re also really repetitive, both in the sense that almost all of these stories follow the same formula with the same beats, but this formula is one where the plot is one continuous cycle of Souchi being a little shit, getting away with it, and then getting angry for some reason. 
131. Fashion Model-
(Spoilers)
Haha it’s funny because the woman is ugly and aaah! it’s also scary because the woman is ugly and haha it’s funny because the ugly woman is going to rape the man as punishment for being slightly paranoid. 
This story is stupid. It’s cruel to every character involved, it’s not funny, the tone is all over the place, the pacing is extremely slow, and its attempts at suspense are laughably pathetic because they’re based on us being scared by a woman for no other reason than her being ugly.
It also has two really annoying tropes being taken to their extreme:
A woman pursuing a man who is clearly not interested in her and
Ugly people are evil/gross/funny.
When this story isn’t being absolutely awful, it’s just boring because every character ranges from bland to just kind of unlikable, like our main character. 
Despite him being kind of a jerk, seeing bad things happen to him isn’t gratifying because they are far worse than what he deserves. 
130. The Bizarre Hikizuri Siblings: 
Narumi’s Boyfriend-
(Spoilers)
This first two pages of this story see a teenage girl, Narumi Hikizuri, about to commit suicide, only to be saved by her boyfriend. You would assume that the rest of the story explores depression. You would not be wrong.
We then meet the other Hikizuri siblings, who, as I mentioned previously, suck, and there are five of them!
Then, we cut back to the teenage girl, Narumi obviously, and her boyfriend. Narumi is depressed and threatening to commit suicide again. Her boyfriend is kind of being an asshole about it, complaining about how hard it is to care for her. 
It’s pretty fucked up that there is really no good support network for Narumi.
Then, Narumi’s family finds her and kidnaps her, and it’s at this point where I can’t help but wonder if Narumi’s siblings are supposed to be scary or funny in this story. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be scary, as their designs are weird and they talk weirdly, and they’re stupid and silly and wacky and dumb. However, them being funny makes no sense considering the fact that this is a story wich starts with a suicide attempt. Also, it’s hard to laugh because the siblings are so fucking stupid looking. They make me nauseous. Not only that, but the family members are being abusive to Narumi, and that’s not funny, even if their abuse is silly.
Anywhoo, the story randomly swerves in tone when Narumi says she’s going to kill herself, douses herself with gasoline, and flicks a cigarette lighter. You assume she’s on fire and is dying. You would be…uhh…wrong?
After that happens, the family gets Narumi’s boyfriend, takes him to their house, and tortures him by forcing him to lay in a bag with what appears to be the burnt body of Narumi.
It’s kind of disturbing, but it’s also very silly. So, what emotion am I supposed to be feeling?
Then, Narumi shows up, and the boyfriend dies of a heart attack.
As it turns out, the thing that burned was a mannequin, and the family were just messing with the boyfriend.
Narumi only seems a bit angry about her boyfriend dying, and the last panel sees her saying she “Had no intention of actually doing it” meaning she had no intention of setting herself on fire.
Now, I’m going to give the story the benefit of the doubt and say that Narumi was actually going to kill herself. I sure hope that when the family told Narumi she was just doing this for attention, they weren’t right. I sure hope that when Narumi threatened to kill herself in front of her boyfriend, she wasn’t manipulating him.
If that was true, this story would be awful.
I’m going to assume that Narumi is just lying. The story still sucks because we have a depressed character trapped with her abusive family and the story doesn’t seem to care. However, it sucks a little bit less because it’s not insinuating that depressed people are “looking for attention”.
In conclusion, this story is one of the most tonally bizarre things I’ve ever seen. It goes back and forth between silly hijinks and serious drama. 
It also doesn’t help that the silly hijinks aren’t funny, and I don’t even know much about Narumi and her boyfriend, so I don’t care about the drama of their story!
129. Groaning Pipes-
(Spoilers)
This is the story about the people getting stuck in pipes.
To truly understand this story, we need to go in deep.
The story starts off with black haired girl being stalked by, gasp!, a guy who is overweight and ugly. Now, I’d argue that the comic seems to want us to find him gross through the way the panels frame him.
Tumblr media
So, we’re not off to a great start.
The pudgy kid asks black haired girl out and black haired girl rebukes him, something we are told has happened many times before. So, this guy sucks. 
However, black haired girl then insults this guy by calling him a “swollen and ugly".
Now, obviously, black haired girl has every right to insult someone who is being a creep. However, she is not insulting him on the grounds of being a creep, but instead focusing on his appearance, something he can’t control. In fact, all of the insults the black haired girl levels against the pudgy kid, and there are many, revolve around his appearance. The pudgy kid isn’t bad because he’s pudgy, he’s bad because he’s being a creep.
A result of this is that I kind of dislike both characters in this situation. Maybe that’s the point. If so, then I can congratulate this story on being rather complex in making the point that the girl had the right to not want to have sex with a guy she doesn’t like. Meanwhile, the guy, however much of a piece of shit he is, has the right to not be belittled for his appearance.
Of course, I’m assuming that’s the point. It’s probably not, because the rest of the story is very stupid. Also, the way both characters act is so extreme, it makes them seem like complete caricatures. The pudgy guy is a gross creepy incel and the black haired girl is a vapid valley girl.
Anywhoo, once that scene happens, black haired girl and her sister go to their house, where they bathe for way too long. At first, I was a bit unsure if these siblings were actually siblings because they look to be the same age and act less like siblings and more like casual work friends.
Then, we learn there is something wrong with the pipes in this house. We also see that the mom of this character is a total neat freak. The story feels the need to tell us this fifty or so times in these ten or so pages, and it quickly gets very annoying. There’s also an agonizingly pointless scene  where the mom yells at a plumber. 
It is also in this part where the two girls hatch a plan to let the pudgy guy go to their house so the neat freak mother can scare him off.
To finish our set up, we also meet the Dad of the family, who is divorced from the Mom and hasn’t seen his kids in a while. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t have the time to explore what it’s like to be a child of divorce in any meaningful way. 
So, the story has just been set up. There isn’t even the suggestion of something scary.
The plan of the two sisters goes perfectly, and the mom throws eggs at the pudgy kid.
Anywhoo, then the plot actually kicks off when the mom accidentally kills the Dad because she thinks he’s the fat kid when he sneaks into the house at night. I guess the Dad just really wanted to see his kids again, and IDK, maybe he was drunk or something. None of the members of the family seem concerned about the death of this man.
The mom tells the cops that the husband had a knife, so her killing of him was in self defense. I suppose that makes sense. However, what doesn’t make sense is that the family is just allowed to stay in this house that has become a crime scene. I suppose I’m nitpicking. Whatever.
We then see the Mom obsessing over her husband’s blood being cleaned from the floor, and the harassment causes the maid to quit. Why does the maid even exist in the story? I don’t know.
After these excruciatingly long sequences of nothing, we finally get some suspense when mysterious sounds start coming from the pipes.
This, among many other things, causes the Mom to freaking lose it. This is not the only Junji Ito story where a stressed out mom with a dead husband goes crazy. Another one will be near the top. However, this one doesn’t work because the mom is an annoying caricature of a mom, and her neurosciences are so extreme she becomes unbelievable.
Anywhoo, it turns out that the pudgy kid is in the pipes, which is where the sound is coming from.
The black haired girl suddenly starts acting like an asshole for no reason, and the story ends with the sister getting pulled into the pipes- presumably by the pudgy kid. I should mention that she is wearing a towel, so there is an unsettling subtext to this.
That’s fucked up. What is this story saying? Fat people are rapists?
Also, the mom just disappears from the story.
One kind of wonders why the husband and his death was even included, as he’s absolutely inessential to the actual main plot, which is the incel in the pipes. The mom is also pretty pointless, with her only important action being throwing eggs at the pudgy kid.
This whole story is convoluted, contrived, and nonsensical. Every character in it is a caricature, whether it be of women or of fat people. It also seems uninterested in actually creating an atmosphere of dread and suspense.
Unfortunately, a common theme throughout Ito’s stories (specifically his earlier work) is unattractive people being cast as villains and women going through extremely traumatic events in a way which feels indulgent. This story has these two being taken to the extreme.
128. Nanakuse Kyokumi-
This is the transphobic story.
It follows a woman , Koroketsu, who is obsessed with a writer. She goes to see that writer, Nanakuse, only for Nanakuse to turn out to be evil…and also a trans woman. 
Anywhoo, the main character, Koroketsu, of this story is one of the more colorful main characters because she’s really weird.
This means that the beginning of this story is…interesting with how strange it is.
Then, we meet Nanakuse, the author. She is drawn with a very pronounced chin and nose, and our main character literally thinks “A male!” when she first sees her.
It’s at this point when I stopped wanting to read the story, but I had to because of this fucking list.
After this, the author throws the main character into a dungeon, our main character suffers some body horror, and then the story ends.
If it wasn’t for the transphobia, this story would probably be in C. It is very quickly paced. In fact, it’s too quickly paced, as there’s no time given to creating suspense and atmosphere. We don’t see the author seeming more and more off putting as we get more hints that she is evil. The second the main character shows up, the author acts like an absolute asshole. Then, we get a scene of the two of them drinking which does nothing to build suspense. At the end of that scene, the author randomly reveals themself as evil when they toss the main character in a dungeon. It’s kind of sudden. There’s no buildup with this story.
You know Dracula? That’s a story about a person visiting the house of someone mysterious (Dracula), and we get more and more red flags about Dracula throughout the beginning of the story. It’s fun and suspenseful. If Dracula hypnotized Renfield after one conversation, the story would be very boring.
Moving on, the quick pacing means that the stuff about people having “quirks” doesn’t have time to be fleshed out. It seems interesting, but we barely get to see any of it, or the consequences of it, or why all of these people are obsessed with it.
A bunch of exposition is given, but it's all surface level stuff that doesn’t even help us to genuinely understand what’s going on. We learn how the author bought the house and why she keeps people in the prison, but none of this explores the idea of having quirks. Obviously, horror stories thrive when the horror isn’t explained, but it’s helpful if we at least understand what the horrifying thing even is. Imagine Jaws, but we never learn that it’s a shark.
Not only that, the body horror is a little more silly than scary. It’s also very sudden, much like the rest of this story.
Overall, even without the extreme transphobia, this story is just half-baked, with a half-baked idea that never makes any sense or seems all that scary. 
Also, what was the deal with the old servant lady?
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spammreviews · 3 months
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S:
13. House of Cards:
House of Cards fucking slaps. The central guitar riff is instantly recognizable and instantly 
beautiful. This song has already hypnotized me before the intro ends, with its bright and colorful sound which still comes off as haunting and full of despair. 
The first part of the song does so much with very little, and when the extra layers are added, the song never loses its sway, with the haunting guitar shrills and background vocals still being the central focus. 
The song also has a very wonderful atmosphere to it, feeling like you’re floating underwater. The chorus sounds like hearing a machine screaming above the surface, and that just adds to the quality. Everything in this song is hazy and blurry, flowing like water, but it's executed with an insane precision, with every part fitting together perfectly. Even Thom’s voice flows like water. The song definitely goes on a bit, but that’s sort of the point, it feels like you’re floating along endlessly.
12. Reckoner:
Reckoner is a very danceable song, with the tambourine and little egg things being some rather unique productions for a Radiohead song. However, the addition of those extremely bright guitars add such a despondent quality. I also love how the guitar line morphs over the song, waxing and waning in its intensity, letting the other little pieces of the song come in. 
I like the way Thom’s voice drifts. The way he holds the notes makes the end of every line kind of dissolve rather than simply stop. On half of the songs in In Rainbows, it feels like Thom is using his voice like it's a completely different instrument, and it has such a fantastic quality.
Also, the bridge where everything slows down and we get Thome doing that beautiful vocal performance that mixes just beautifully with those lush strings? That is peak Radiohead. The bridge feels like we have entered the eye of the storm of anxiety and stress, and we have that moment to contemplate before we are yanked back into reality. It is so extraordinarily satisfying when the song launches back into its full intensity.
Reckoner manages to feel simultaneously calm and agitated, probably through whatever is going on with the percussion, which is, once again, some of Radiohead’s best. This song also has that extremely wavy quality much of In Rainbows has, with Thome’s voice flowing like a river.
There’s also some subtle flourishes of distorted voices in the outro which are nice and kind of remind me of Karma Police.
In Rainbows is an album which is very interested in failures of human interaction, and Reckoner keeps up that theme with lines such as “Because we separate like ripples on a blank shore”. One could say this line is the singer saying that this division between human beings is what leads to his issues with relationships that are explored in “Faust Arp” and “Weird Fishes/Arpeggi”.
This line being followed by the line “in rainbows”, for me, calls to mind a prism, taking a single beam of light and refracting it into a rainbow…or whatever it is that prisms do.
11. Nude:
The fact that this song was made by humans is astonishing. Unearthly doesn’t even begin to describe it, this song sounds like it came from another dimension.
It can be really hard to talk about a lot of the songs in In Rainbows because I don’t even know what is going on half the time.
A lot of songs on In Rainbows are about how abandonment leads to cutting oneself away from others. 
“Now that you found it, it’s gone.” You can say that this “it” is a human connection, or a friend.
One can say that the narrator is basically just a paranoid voice in someone’s head. In fact, that makes a lot of sense, especially when you look at lines such as these,
“Don’t get any big ideas, they’re not gonna happen.”
“You’ll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking.”
If you’ve ever had self doubt, I’m sure you’ve had thoughts similar to these.
This voice also wants to make sure that the person it's speaking to knows the importance of the relationships the voice says it will never have, “You paint yourself white and fill up your nose, but there’ll be something missing”.
This person can listen to sad songs and spend ten hours making a list ranking all of them, but they’ll still need to talk to others if they want to have a meaningful life.
This song is equal parts tranquil and unsettling. It’s like the angels are singing, but the angels are going to kill us.
You could also say it sounds like there’s ghosts, or that strange beings are singing to you from deep within underwater caves. 
Basically what I’m saying is that this song puts me in a trance unlike any other trance ever. It is the most beautiful thing of all time.
10. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi:
This is another song which feels like you’re floating in water. It’s also another song that is extraordinarily haunting.
Thom singing “Your eyes, they turn me…” is something that will haunt me until I am in my grave.
Weird Fishes/Arpeggi connects well to Nude. Firstly, it’s astonishing that both songs were made from beings of terrestrial origin and not something from outside our plain of reality.
However, this song connects to the themes of the previous song. 
“Why should I stay? Everybody leaves, eventually”. The singer thinks. 
That sums up fears of abandonment pretty perfectly. 
However, the singer is conflicted. “I’d be crazy not to follow, follow you to wherever you lead…I follow to the edge of the earth and fall off”. The narrator is afraid that entering a relationship may lead to them getting hurt.
This is also one of Thom’s best vocal performances, as he’s using every part of his voice, moving between different tones and inflictions to get the most emotion possible.
Also, the drums. I don’t even know what the hell is going on with them.
I’ve talked before about how the best Radiohead song transports you to different worlds, and that definitely applies to Weird Fishes/Arpeggi. 
9. Fake Plastic Trees:
The storytelling in this song is excellent, painting a portrait of a couple trapped in a repetitive and monotonous life.
“Green plastic watering can for a fake chinese rubber plant in the fake plastic earth that she bought from another man” Is such a perfect opening line. I love lines in songs like these where it sounds like phrases are being stacked on top of each other.
Also, the image of watering a plastic plant is a fantastic one. You could say it represents how the act of taking part in society is performative, you can say it represents her trying to foster a love she never truly felt for the broken man, you can say it’s about how she’s embraced the artificiality of her world- she can’t get actually feel the excitement which she thinks life should have, so she just sort of pretends. Of course, this artificiality means she’s never in danger of being hurt. She can numb her identity through routine and  “get rid of herself”.
Of course, whatever it is, it’s unsatisfying, as it “wears her out”.
The whole song is about artificial sensations, I’d say.
This song has such a wonderfully dystopian atmosphere, something Radiohead would go on to use quite often.
I feel like I keep mentioning how emotive Thom’s vocals are, but this song is a perfect example of this.
I love the way his voices rises on, “He used to do surgery for girls in the eighties”
It was only my hundredth listen to this song that I noticed the quiet organ in the background when Thome sings “it wears her out”.
This song also makes fantastic usage of violins, overwhelming us with walls of despair.
I also think this song takes the alt-rock idea of extreme dynamics but uses it in a creative way. The song takes a while to truly erupt, with that intense, crackling electric guitar on the third verse. It feels like there are these emotions buried underneath the surface, and then they break out in this explosion of sorrow. The whole song is about being numbed, and the numbness…goes away for a bit, I guess.
8. Pyramid Song:
The opening piano of this song fucking floors me everytime I hear it. The use of electronics on this track is also absolutely fantastic, as they start out as a distant rumble which lurks in the depths of this song, but they gradually take up a bigger and bigger place in the song. At the end, they sound like the screams of the damned seeping through these cracks to hell.
The harshness of the electronics clashes beautifully with the strings. 
Thom’s vocal performance in this song is extremely emotional, with his voice just oozing hopelessness. 
Everyone talks about how the rhythm in this song is a pyramid, but so is the chord progression.
We start with F#, the tonic chord, and then we go to Gmaj7, the second chord in the scale, then we go to the seventh chord, A6, and then back to Gmaj7, and then back to F#. At this point, we’re only moving one whole step away from the tonic chord.
However, we then go further with Eadd9, the third chord. 
It’s actually way more complicated than what I just said, but the point I’m making is that the composition here is genius.
However, none of this would matter if the song didn’t sound extraordinary, which it does. This song is filled with a yearning for some bright fantastical world only caught in brief glimpses. This pain is not just in the lyrics, but in every ethereal chord and note.
7. Exit Music (For A Film)
Augauaghhhhhh.
You’re listening to Exit Music (For A Film)
You hear those first guitar strums and think “Wow, this is the saddest thing ever.” 
Then, Thom sings “Breathe…keep breathing” and you hear that chorus of background voices coming in and think “Wow, I was wrong, this is actually the saddest thing.”
Then, as Thom sings “sing us a song” we are introduced to those warbling metallic screams of the dead in the distance, but all of this is just buildup, because we get the greatest uses of drums in Radiohead’s discography with that extremely simple yet effective fill lifting us into the most soul crushing soundscape ever with those crackling electronics.
There’s so much fury in Thom’s voice as he sings “We hope your rules and wisdom choke you”.
But no, that’s not the most beautiful thing ever, it gets better, because then Thomas Jefferyork sings “NOWWW WE ARE ONE.” and everything goes from 100% to 150%. 
The background vocals are back, the drums are going crazy, and there’s this giant wall of soul that is so full of despair and anger and angst and oh my god, it’s so amazing.
Then, once you think your heart can’t take anymore, we get that beautiful coda at the end. Goddamn. The way this song builds. Aaughaugh. Man. It’s just one uphill journey through pain and beauty.
Also, the lyrics are simultaneously soul crushing and hopeful in such a perfect way (I keep saying the word perfect). The way it views Romeo and Juliet through the lens of teenage rebellion is very clever (because that’s what the play’s actually about).
I love the way Thom slowly builds up tension in his voice over the course of the song.
6. How To Disappear Completely:
God, this song is so ethereal.
The rhythm guitar in this song makes me want to throw up and cry.
This song feels so vast and so empty (in a good way). It feels like you’re falling through an endless landscape of nothing.
I don’t even know how to talk about this song because everytime I listen to it, my soul and mind enter a different plane of existence.
The part where the drums and violins come in is a moment of extraordinary beauty. 
This song is also tied with eighteen other songs for Thom’s best vocal performance. There is a control and a precision to his voice.
Also, all of the parts where his voice sinks up with the violins makes me want to cry.
This whole song is just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. It’s fucking overwhelming. 
5. Motion Picture Soundtrack:
This song opens with one of the most beautiful and despair-filled organs I’ve ever heard.
The song then builds on this foundation, slowly adding new instruments one-by-one.
The first instrument to be added is Thom’s voice, which is as great as ever. The open lyrics, “Red wine and sleeping pills”, immediately put an image of a depressed life into our head.
Thom’s voice builds in energy and intensity over the next few lines, as does the organ.
Then, there’s a pause, and Tum sings “stop signs” and those windchimes or whatever they are come in. It’s an absolutely mind blowing moment.
The beauty keeps on building however, as we also get the addition of those extremely haunting vocals.
The last line of this song, “I will see you in the next life” might just be the best closing line to a Radiohead album.
This song is basically tied with How To Disappear Completely. I think Motion Picture Soundtrack has a bit more hope in it than How To Disappear Completely, which is basically just complete despair.
That doesn’t make Motion Picture Soundtrack better than How to Disappear Completely, but I think that means I like it a bit more.
4. Paranoid Android:
You like Paranoid Android, I like Paranoid Android, everyone likes Paranoid Android. Unless you don’t, which is fine, but I’m not inviting you to my birthday party.
I guess we should start with the beginning, with that great use of ⅞ time, giving the song this bizarre, skin crawling texture to it, enhanced by how creative the guitar lick is. 
This part of the song gives us some of Radiohead’s most creative lyrics. “Please could you stop the noise, I’m trying to get some rest, from all the unborn chicken voices in my head” is a perfect introduction to this world Radiohead is building.
The first part of this song already has enough atmosphere and tension to carry an entire album.
However, the song then erupts into this frenzy with its second movement. The guitar work is nigh impossible to not bang one’s head too. I especially love Thome’s delivery of the lines “Off with his head, man. Off with his head, man.” 
But that’s not even the peak of this song epicness. The third part of this song is one of the most beautiful things ever, slowly building up with these overlapping vocals. Thomas the York Engine is so confident with his voice, just letting it fill up the entire sonic landscape. 
Then, there’s the fourth part, which actively sounds like a bunch of computers malfunctioning, or a bunch of robots attacking you. The frustratingly sudden end is also perfect.
I also like the little boops at the beginning, the computer voice you can vaguely hear in the background towards the beginning, the way the synths interact with the grumbling guitar, and the way Tommy Boy sings “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s there?”.
I also like what sounds like a motorcycle starting up during the beginning of the second part of the song.
This song is basically a never ending torrent of musical ideas, transporting you into a different dimension, a surreal and dark sci-fi landscape filled with man-mind horrors beyond our comprehension.
Radiohead loves songs with a dystopian feeling, and this is peak dystopia. It’s also just fun.
3. Wolf at the Door:
The song begins with this arpeggio which is filled with dread.
The slamming drums give images of a dark urban environment, if that makes any sense, which I assume it does. 
It sounds dystopian, as much of Hail to the Thief does. 
Great songs can transport you to different places, and the world this song transports you to is some sort of bizarre mix of 1984 and a fairy tale.
There’s a strange calmness to Thom’s voice as he sings the opening lines, as if he’s reading a news report. However, as it goes on, bits of anger and desperation enter Thom’s voice. This anger grows till he’s practically spitting the words.
That’s when the electronics enter.
The chorus slaps. It has a perfect vocal melody,and  the “speeding up” of the singing gives panicked vibes. The way Thimble York’s voice goes up on “Calls me up” gives me chills everytime. 
The bridge, the part where Thom sings “Walking like giant cranes with my X ray eyes”,  is a moment of vicious anxiety and apocalyptic dread.
This whole song is flush with brilliant musical ideas.
It’s explosive, apocalyptic, and catchy as hell. The bombastic drums and striking vocal melodies grab you by the face, kick you in the teeth, steal your credit cards, et cetera.
The scattered imagery in the lyrics feels traumatic, like this is all flashing through someone’s head as they’re being beaten up. 
Every line carries a weight to it. Despite that, the song never feels melodramatic and over the top. I believe every emotion the song tries to sell me. That’s because the song understands dynamics and how to build up. It doesn’t throw everything at you all at once. It goes through different phases, building up momentum which thrusts it into different areas.
2. Life In a Glass House:
Life In A Glass House perfectly captures the experience of being in a frustrating situation, but not able to articulate your frustration because “someone’s listening”. If you’ve ever gone through times when you’re really stressed out, and you want to scream, but you’re also too self conscious to do that, then you can relate to this song. Basically, this song captures the college experience despite not being about college. I say that because I’m in college now. Immediately after writing the first draft of this, I had a class where the instructor said there was an important assignment due in two days that he forgot about on Canvas, and I thought to myself “This is exactly how Life In A Glass House” feels.
The way Thom Yorker’s wavers, almost matching the trumpets at the end, gives the song a fantastical texture. Oh yeah, the trumpets. They make this song. That moment when they first come in is one of the most satisfying moments in, like, all of music. The trumpets capture the anxiety and stress of the song, sounding so choked and anguished. 
There’s a sense of perfectly structured chaos to this song. The blaring of the trumpets seems so random, but it fits together perfectly with the rest of the song. That makes sense, as that’s how stress feels, you have these random bursts of anger and frustration.
The song also has a feel of patheticness to it, especially with the trumpets. Despite being intense, they also feel kind of meek and fearful, which fits perfectly with the song. The narrator is afraid of others judgment, but they hate themselves for that, as the lyrics seem to mock the entire situation “Your royal highness says…”
Also, Thom The New York Times gives an awe inspiring vocal performance, with the way he goes from a stressed panic “Once again…we are hungry for a lynchiiiing!” to calm despair “That’s a strange mistake to make…” to utter desolation “You should turn the other cheek…” in just three lines is stellar. 
This song is also a great example of build-up, as well as tying the build up into the message of the song. The whole song feels like slowly letting out this intense anger in these pained bursts before it all completely unravels into this mess of chaos. The way the trumpets leap and soar is overwhelming, feeling like you’ve just had a panic attack at a party. The song stays at this peak for just the right amount of time before settling down with that one last, “But someone’s listening…” and a trumpet providing the perfect punctuation to this powerful parade of pain.
This song is about feeling awkward, it’s about being uncomfortable in your own skin and in reality and wondering if anyone else knows. 
I also haven’t even mentioned the piano in this song, which is soaked with a feeling of bluesy despair that fits in perfectly with the rest of the song. I don’t know how, but every instrument in this song is communicating these feelings of paranoia and despair perfectly.
The song captures these very specific vibes through the lyrics, the composition, and the instrumentation, baking it into every aspect of the song. 
Videotape:
From those first sorrowful piano notes, Videotape is one of the most beautiful songs ever. I am not over exaggerating in the slightest. It’s such a simple chord progression, but through the use of syncopation, it's one of the most beautiful foundations of a song ever. The use of emphasis means that every measure is its own mini descent into despair. You could say it’s like we’re losing our touch with reality with every chord.
Thome’s voice seemingly blends together gentleness and intensity, making every lyric feel like a punch to the face. The way he says “I know today has been the most perfect day I’ve ever seen.” sends shivers down my spine, and I can not explain why. The lyrics are like the rest of the song in that they’re stripped back but extraordinarily efficient, with every sentence having a purpose. Even when Thom repeats the words “the videotape” twice it feels necessary, placing emphasis on the words and giving it this echo-y feeling.
The way the drums are used is just beautiful. There are no drums for the first minute and a half. When the drums first appear, they are just a small dash of chaos. However, they slowly take over the song, until all we are listening to is this unstable drumming.
You could say it’s representative of the narrator of this song dying, slowly being overtaken by a primal abyss. 
Also that “Oooooooo” sound that Thom is making is so incredibly haunting. It literally sounds like a chorus of ghosts.
This is just a fantastic song, I wish I could say more, but it’s hard, because so much of what this song is doing is impossible to explain. This song feels like the culmianthe of the entire album, all of that color and brightness and beauty and unstable rhythms all put together into one burst of painful beauty.
I can’t explain how this song affects me the way it does, or even what that affect is beyond the words “Pretty music is sad, it makes me sad”.
Radiohead Ranking
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Here is a Rating of all of the Radiohead songs, from worst to best, and I mean all the Radishead songs, not just the album tracks.
F:
162. Palo Alto:
This is a song from OK/NOTOK
It might have Thom’s worst vocal performance. 
His voice is grating and obnoxious, making him sound like a sarcastic 8 year old. The mockery in his voice is reminiscent of one of the worst tracks off of Pablo Honey.
Everything about this song is brash and overdone. The electric guitars are over-the-top and also terribly mixed, being about five times as loud as Thom’s voice. The chorus to this song makes me want to vomit because we get these very simple, very distorted guitar parts just punching us in the face. There’s an impact on every beat, and it sucks. 
All of the electronics are similarly obnoxious and over-the-top as they randomly jump in and out of this song. I suppose the idea is that this song is chaotic and everything, but the electronics are also mixed way too high, so they always take over the song for the five seconds when they appear.
The idea of this song is that in society, we’re all busy all of the time, and that sucks. The song basically just says that. It’s not subtle.
It also doesn’t go any deeper than that. It’s extraordinarily surface level.
It also seems more like its mocking all of us who are in the predicament of living in modern society then it is at being angry at society or feeling bad for living in society. 
The song’s called Palo Alto and it mentions California, but it then does nothing with that.
There are a million songs and movies and TV shows and books about California, and Radiohead couldn’t think of one thing to actually say about Palo Alto- possibly because they are British and they’ve probably only been to California while on tour. Trust me, I’m from California. I’ve been to Palo Alto. There are things to say about it.
For one thing, the traffic is awful. Actually, that’s all of California.
Maybe this song is actually about traffic, as it makes me feel the same feeling that I feel when I’m stuck in traffic.
This whole song is just so extraordinarily on the nose in every aspect.
Did I mention how shitty this song sounds? The different instruments do not mix well together. It’s like the band members recorded all of their parts in different rooms and then slapped the recordings on top of each other.
The song starts off sounding extraordinarily messy, and it never stops sounding like it.
Everytime I listen to this song, I get a fucking headache.
Fuck this song. It is practically unlistenable.
161. Planet Telex (L.F.O. Remix): 
This is an unnecessary remix which is just grating on the ears. The synths are obnoxiously shrill and the chaotic mixing gets old after two seconds. This song is what electronic music sounds like to people who don’t like electronic music.
The drumming to this song is also obnoxiously simple, with an impact on every beat.
This song also makes it so that the only lines are “you can crush it” and “Oh”. 
It gets so tiring so very quickly.
This whole remix is basically what electronic music sounds like to people who don’t like electronic music.
160. How Do You?: 
Somehow, Thome Yorke’s voice sounds annoying on this track, coming off as really whiny, especially on the choruses. His voice is too nasally, too on the nose, and while he’s trying to sound angry and pissed-off, it comes across as disingenuous.
A very big problem is that the vocal melody is really happy, but Thom is singing it in a really angry way. This makes his vocals sound even more disingenuous. 
The whole song doesn’t seem to know what emotion it wants to be. I didn’t know why it felt so confused, so I did some looking up.
According to ultimate guitar.com, https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/radiohead/how-do-you-chords-58358
The chord progression on the intro is just “Amaj7sus2 A” on repeat. That’s a simultaneously very simple chord progression and a very complex one. It only has two chords, but one of these two chords is a rather jazzy chord, especially considering that it is being played on these very distorted guitars. When a chord like that is being played on a really distorted guitar, it will often sound very sludgy.
The chord progression on the verses is “A E F#m” , a pretty happy sounding chord progression, but the way the distortion is used makes it seem like the band wants it to be angry. 
The chord progression of the chorus is straight up bizarre, going “G Dsus4 A5 A” You don’t usually go from a sustained chord to a power chord in music. This probably explains why the chorus sounds especially strange. Sustained chords build tension, and 5 chords do the opposite. It’s also a circle of fifths chord progression, which means that D and G and A and D have the same relationship, and that relationship is a boring one.
However, despite having a very unique composition, this song somehow manages to sound extraordinarily generic, which is impressive.  I think that’s because of the way the chords are used, using a boring beat and boring dynamics. The band is just going through the motions of standard grunge, without any sense of what emotion they’re actually trying to convey.
Also, the lyrics of this song are just plain inane. “And he was a stupid baby, turned into a powerful freak” sounds like something a teenager would say in a shitty 90’s kids cartoon.
While Radiohead has many lyrics which are confusing in an intriguing way, the nonsensical nature of these lyrics just comes off as stupid,
“He’s a dangerous bigot, but we always forget.” What? Huh?  How?
Also, that line comes right before, “And he’s just like his daddy.” I never want to hear Thom say the word “daddy” again.
I think the point of that line is to be mocking, as is the entire song. I don’t like that. Presumably, the person being mocked is the anonymous jerk the lyrics are describing, but when you hear a man yell in a snarky tone for two minutes, it sounds like he’s being snarky at you. Also, the song is very unspecific about why this person sucks. He’s a dangerous bigot, but we don’t know how he’s dangerous or who he’s bigoted against.
This song is garbage in every way.
159. Thinking About You: 
After years of shitting on Pablo Honey, music nerds across the globe have been re-evaluating the album, with many coming to the conclusion that it’s “not that bad”. Now, I can appreciate people changing their minds. However, I’m here to take a stand and loudly proclaim my own opinion, Pablo Honey is that bad. This is the fifth song on the album, and by the time I get to it, I’m already sick and tired. 
Anywhoo, this song is laughably dull. The rhythm guitar is so boring and generic, and for most of the song, we’re only listening to that and Thom’s singing, which is also pretty uninteresting.
And the lyrics? Whoo, boy…to start off with, “thinking about you” seems like the name of a parody of a pop song. Moving on, the lyrics lack the interesting imagery, the creativity, or the specificity which one wants in a song. The narrator says he’s thinking about someone, but why? What’s so appealing about this person? Also, why should we care? I can’t empathize with the narrator because I barely understand what’s happening. He broke up with someone, and this person is now more successful than him, even though it’s unclear what they’re successful at. The song is uninterested in actually telling us the story it is trying to tell. As such, it’s completely empty.
Not only that, but the lyrics are about a breakup, but nothing about this song communicates any form of sadness or anger. The composition doesn’t have any emotion, and Thom sounds pretty bored. While we assume the narrator of this song is sad about the breakup, we never see that in anyway. It’s not like “True Love Waits” where great pain is taken to describe how the narrator believes he is wasting his life and how hard it is to find hope.
Also, this song has a reference to masturbation in the lyrics, “Still see you in bed, but I’m playing with myself”. 
Now, there’s nothing wrong with that, that’s just something I wouldn’t expect of a Radiohead song.
However, somehow, even the reference to masturbation in this song is generic.
Other than that oddity, you can listen to just five seconds of this song and instantly tell everywhere it's gonna go. I don’t know what else to say, because I forgot everything else about it.
Oh, also, the hook in this song sucks, it’s barely a hook. 
D: 
158. Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors: 
I suppose I can congratulate this song on its artististry, but I don’t know what the artistry to making the worst sounding piece of music ever is. The way the vocals are high pitched makes it sound like you’re listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks on drugs. The layers and layers of distortion and bizarre effects just feel like the band was messing around on a music editing software for a few minutes. 
157. Transatlantic Drawl:
This is a track off of the Pyramid Song Ep.
This song is shit. The guitar gives me a headache.
Every instrument in this song is shrieking and sobbing and it’s just awful. There are all of these sounds whose origin I don’t know and I don’t care to find out, as they all sound like a drill very close to my ear. This song sounds like multiple drills near my ears.
This song starts at 100% and never lets up except when it does, randomly, in the middle of the song, where it suddenly becomes an ambient track. That part is…actually really cool. It’s eerie and weightless and it makes me feel like I’m an astronaut floating through space without a tether. I love the way it occasionally sort of fizzles, it’s really cool. It sounds a tiny bit like Treefingers or untitled off of Kid-A.
I feel like these two opposing halves average out to a D.
156. Faithless the Wonderboy:
This is a song included as the B side for Anyone Can Play Guitar. 
The verses of this song are calm and acoustic. 
However, when we reach the chorus, electric guitars suddenly jump in.
I think Radiohead were wanting the song to kind of explode into this frenzy. However, the choruses are not very frenetic. Also, the addition of the electric guitars is so abrupt, it sounds more like a jumpscare.
It also doesn’t help that the vocal melody of the verses are really repetitive.
In terms of lyrics, this is a song about a kid who’s jealous of other kids who have nice stuff, and also I think he’s being pressured into doing drugs but he “Can’t put the needle in”. The chorus is just Thom saying those words over and over again, so I assume there must be some sort of point to them.
The outro to this song also lasts too long, as it’s basically just a minute and a half of a pretty dry and uninteresting guitar solo that’s devoid of any real energy.
155. Stop Whispering: 
I kind of like the pre chorus to this song, where Thom sings “there’s nothing to say and there’s nothing to do”. The vocal melody is actually kind of nice, and Thom sounds alright.
However, that’s the only really nice thing I can say about this song. The rest isn’t even a generic grunge song, it’s a generic song, with uninspired instrumentals and a limp and watered-down hook which feels like it was bought off Walmart. The lyrics are so vague and uninteresting. The vocal melody everywhere other than the pre chorus is boring. The guitar solo in the middle is fun and energetic, but it also sounds like a million guitar solos I’ve heard before, and it’s also weirdly short, so it doesn’t even get the chance to build.
This song also does something a million songs have done before, slowing down as if the song is going to end, only to then spring back into action. Now, that’s been done amazingly before. However, the problem is that at this point, I just want the song to end. The part where the energy increases is supposed to be exciting, but it just feels hollow, as the excitement seems disingenuous. Thom barely seems to even care. He’s yelling in this part, but there’s no emotion in his voice. The guitar is loud and distorted and fast, but you need more than that for an exciting guitar part.
This song is also five minutes long. Now, that wouldn’t be a problem, but, as I previously stated, it sucks.
154. Coke Babies: 
With the name “Coke babies” you’d assume that this song would be silly. It’s not.
In fact, other than the name, this song is just nothing. I would say that the lyrics are little more than random strings of words, but that makes them sound too interesting. They’re “Easy living, easy hold/ Easy teething, easy fold”.
The instrumentals are basic and boring, except for the guitar which has some sort of effect applied to it that makes it sound like a car is speeding right next to you. It sounds awful.
153. Killer Cars: 
This is an early B-Side.
This song would not be notable if it weren’t for how loud and distorted it is. All of the beauty we would expect from Thome’s voice is gone as he screeches about cars.
The song is devoid of energy or any sort of musical ideas.
The hook is not even really a hook.
There’s this whole wall of sound thing going on with this song. That can work in some contexts, but with this song, it just means that everything mixes together into a tasteless mush.
This is not a song which is fun to headbang to.
Also, like many other early Radiohead songs, this one is too over-the-top.
However, the guitar solo has a fun, very angry energy to it.
152. Inside My Head: 
Inside My Head is a B-Side off of the Creep Ep.
The vocal melody is barely a melody. The sound is extremely generic, with a pretty generic guitar solo.
The lyrics of this song are about how the narrator is thinking about a person.
It feels like half of the lines in this song are just filler lines.
The rhythm of this song makes it sound almost like a new wave song, and that does not work well with Radiohead.
Also, at this point, Thom had not worked out what to do with his voice, being way to nasally.
151. Million Dollar Question:
This is a B-Side off of  the Creep Ep.
It’s another blandly composed song with no real musical ideas other than LOUD.
The lyrics of the song are about not wanting to go to work. It’s not exactly a profound statement.
150. I Can’t: 
I can’t think of much to say about this song.
The chorus of this song…yeah, sure. It’s nice, I suppose. It almost has a breezy quality to it. 
However, the whole song gets very tiring very quickly.
It’s got the same problem as other songs on Pablo Honey: uninspired composition and production, instrumentals lacking in creativity, dull lyrics, a lack of actual energy, angst that doesn’t feel genuine, and almost bored vocals. There’s no musical ideas.
149. India Rubber:
This is an early B side.
The drumming here has an interesting rhythm to it, even though it sounds too high in the mix at points. There’s also some extra percussion in the form of what I’ll just say is some maracas.
The biggest problem with this song is that I don’t know what it’s trying to do. It’s too harsh to be pretty, too abrasive to be pleasurable, and too low-energy to be fun.
I also hate the outro, which features someone laughing. I can’t explain why. It’s just so out of left field. Also, the laugh is an annoying laugh. This outro also sees a bunch of weird atonal meddling that feels kind of purposeless. I don’t know what the point of it is.
148. Maquiladora:
Uninspired, generic rock off of the High and Dry/Planet Telex EP.
Thom’s voice is annoying and there’s a lack of syncing with him and the guitars, as the two gain energy at completely different points.
147. The Gloaming (3.33333 Remix): 
This song is the Gloaming, but with the electronics turned up to extreme levels, making it sound like a large amount of machines are misfiring in my near vicinity while a 100 Gecs sound blares on a busted-up radio.
146. Lewis:
This song is off of the My Iron Lung Ep, and it has Radiohead’s worst lyrics. 
It’s about a man named Lewis who is about to kill himself. At least, I think it is. We get the lyrics “Don’t do it, don’t jump”. 
The song doesn’t seem all that sad about this. 
Honestly, other than that, this song doesn’t sound all that awful, even though it does feel messy, with these extremely frenetic guitars and drums all fighting for attention. 
145. Kinetic:
Despite being a very weird song, it still feels kind of calm, mostly because it lacks all energy.
It’s kind of repetitive and lacking in any emotions. It sounds more like an electronic jam session than a song.
144. Bones:
The problem with Bones is that it comes immediately after Fake Plastic Trees, which is a hard act to surpass. However, it would still suck anyways. In that way, it’s basically the Andrew Johnson of Radiohead songs.
Bones is a basic grunge song. Now, it may appear that I dislike grunge, but I don’t. However, Radiohead’s approach to grunge always feels so unexciting, and most of their grunge songs don’t really want to be grunge songs. Good grunge songs have this specific energy which exists even during the slowest of moments. However, Radiohead usually doesn’t have that energy, so they always sound unenthusiastic. There are a few exceptions, but Bones is an example of them failing.
All of the beauty one from Thom’s voice is gone and replaced by him yelping erratically. It sounds so annoying, especially when he squeaks, “WHEN YOU’VE GOT TO FEEL IT IN YOUR BONES!”
The guitar work just sounds sludgy, and the lyrics are just nothing. They’re probably about something, but I don’t care enough to think about it.
This song sounds like it’s trying so hard to be edgy and cool and harsh, but it just comes off as childish. This whole song feels like what goes on in a 14 year old’s head when…something.
Maybe that’s why it sounds like Thom’s voice is cracking violently.
143. Melatonin:
 This is a song off of OK/ NOTOK, and it’s called melatonin because it puts you to sleep. 
This song is too ethereal and too spacey. It’s massively overdoing it with the dreamy synths, I can barely hear Thome. The reverb and the effects layered onto the synth just make it feel way overproduced. It’s too ornate and too pristine. Where’s the edge? Where’s the tension? Where’s the emotional power? 
Oh, also, the drums don’t fit in with this song at all. They’re mixed in very strangely, making it sound like Phil just randomly started drumming.
Lastly, Thom is singing kind of weirdly on this song, sort of pausing between each word. He. Sounds. Like. This.
142. Planet Telex (Karma Sutra):
This song is trying to sound “Indian”-esque with the sitar and the drumming.
Instead, it ends up sounding like a Gong song if they sucked. It feels very cheesy.
I don’t like the effects on Thom’s voice.
There’s a part where I think this remix is trying to have a hook, but it just sounds like the song is randomly and abruptly changing what it sounds like.
This whole remix is pointless.
141. I Promise:
 Yaaaaawn. 
This is a track off of OK/NOTOK
The rhythm guitar is extraordinarily boring. The march-like drumming is rather unique, but it gets old extraordinarily quickly. The vocal melody is really simple, and so are the lyrics in general. The lyrics are basically the narrator saying that he’ll be better, and that’s not something that I find very interesting.
That’s fine, but it’s just that the whole song has so little going on in it. The part with the organ and the strings near the end is very pretty, but at that point I was ready for the song to end.
One of the other biggest problems with this song is that it has no real build or hook or anything, so it just kinda ends up feeling very dull and empty. It’s repetitive, that’s what it is. 
The only thing which threatens to break up the monotony is the part with the strings and the organ, which serves as the climax of the song. However, it starts very quickly and goes away just as fast. It also really doesn’t communicate any kind of emotion, it just sounds sort of pretty.
140. Dollars and Cents:
The intro to this song sounds like “Knives Out” played very quietly. Then, we get this violin which sounds, for lack of a better term, too loud. Thom, for some reason, is deciding to sing as quietly as possible. It sounds like he’s holding back, never really letting his voice actually soar. There’s a part near the end where different tracks of him singing are stacked on top of each other, and it just sounds like a giant mess. The whole song feels kind of messy, like a bunch of random ideas are just being squished together, with the violins and synths and drum and guitar and vocal harmony just stepping on each other instead of working together. There’s no sense of structure or movement. It goes from semi-ethereal one moment to semi-harsh the other moment, with no real rhyme or reason. 
That could have worked to create a storm of storm-like affect, but the vocals sound so muted, as does the guitar, so the whole song feels restrained.
This song has no core, no central musical idea or instrument holding everything together. It’s like a cookie baked without eggs.
What were they even trying to do with this song? Were they hoping to have some sort of atmosphere or vibe, or were they wanting it to be funky and danceable? I don’t know, because the song just doesn’t do anything. It feels…kind of half-assed. I’m sure Thom put a huge amount of effort into the vocals on this track, but I can’t tell because his singing is so reserved and so emotionless. I don’t think even he knew what kind of emotion this song was supposed to express. Also, there’s some vocal affect placed on his voice which buries any human aspect that could arise.
139.  I Am Citizen Insane:
This is just harsh and grating electronics for 3 minutes. If you like that sort of thing, then you’ll love I Am Citizen Insane.
138. Pop Is Dead
This song doesn’t suck. I like the beginning with the cool jazzy guitar and the sweet vocal melody.
Then, the drums kick in, and man oh man are they way to loud. It’s another case of Philip putting emphasis on every beat, and it sounds utterly atrocious. The rythm guitar is similarly abrasive and over the top.
However, the whole thing is over-the-top, so brash, so absurd, it’s kind of funny. The lyrics are bizarre. It’s like the band is making fun of pop music, but also they just are not.
The only complaint this song leverages against pop is that it is “dead”, and it don’t even explain why it thinks that.
137. Feral: 
Much has been said criticizing the sound of “The King of Limbs”, which I must admit, is an album with an awesome title. While there are many compliments to be given to “The King of Limbs”, Feral pretty much embodies all of the negative aspects of the record. There is simply too much going on. 
The drums stacked on top of each other feel…well, Feral, but they also sound like a bunch of random nonsense, like a bunch of people who don’t know how to play drums are randomly improvising. Now, this couldn’t be further from the truth, the drumming is very precise, with all these crazy polyrhythms and everything, but that’s what it ends up sounding like. While this song is technically impressive, it’s too technical, losing any chance of communicating some sort of emotion. All of the weird stuff going on with the looping and the effects just feels like one giant mess. There’s no emotionality to this song, no sense of atmosphere, because it's all lost within this massive jungle of weird noises. 
The sad fact is, there’s such a thing as being too complex. Sometimes, having a strong key center can mean your song fits in well with a vibe because the audience’s ears can recognize the song as minor or major or phrygian. However, if your chord progressions sees you going from an Emaj7#4 to a F7b2 to a F#m7, then the song is just gonna sound like nothing (that’s the chord progression for Aja by Steely Dan by the way, I was too tired to look up the chords to this song).
C-:
136. How Can You Be Sure?:
This song is kind of bland. The drumming is boring, and it takes up most of the space in the mix, as is the rhythm guitar, which is devoid of any interesting texture. The vocal melody is uninspired, and Thom is doing nothing with his voice.
There’s also an organ in this song, but you can barely hear it and it’s bland and emotionless anyways.
The hook in this song just doesn’t work. 
This whole song is just devoid of emotionality or atmosphere.
The lyrics are this usual generic breakup song routine.
This song also has an outro which is way too long, and serves no purpose at all.
135. Where Bluebirds Fly
This song is similar to I Am Citizen Insane (being from the same EP) but the electronics at least kind of create a sense of atmosphere. It does sound a bit like the band aren’t just randomly improvising and are attempting to create a cohesive song.
It still hurts my ears, however.
135. Fast Track: 
The weird, sharp, hissing quality of this song is, at the very least, unique. It sounds like hell, and I hate listening to it, but I have to admit that it sounds awful in a way which no song has sounded awful before. The sound is also a lot more calm and a lot less shrill than the first half of Transatlantic Drawl
Fast Track also does imitate the vibes of commuting in a city fairly well, with the random voices coming in and out and all these sounds coming and going like people and vehicles passing us. There’s a whirlwind quality which I have to commend the song for. I still don’t like listening to it.
134. Molasses:
This song has a weirdly ragtime quality to it. There’s no piano, but the electric guitar sounds like it’s playing a classic ragtime quality, and Thom’s kind of bouncy vocals add to this.
As a result of this, the song sounds whimsical in an annoying way. 
There’s also whatever happens after the end of the two verses. There’s this intense drumming and weird electronic riff. 
The biggest problem with this song are the lyrics. The first line is, “Shake hands.” Okay, that’s a good line. The next line gives us, “Genocide”. Oh, well, that was a turn. Then, the line after that is “Molasses.” What? Huh?
Also, they say the word genocide twice in the same song. The first time it doesn’t even rhyme with anything, and then the second time it is rhymed with “fat houseflies”.
This whole song is just a shit post.
132. You:
The opening guitar line to this song is actually quite pleasant, and I like the way it continues a bit even after the other shrieking guitars come in.
The guitar work overall on this song is actually quite fun, with a great sense of energy.
Thom’s vocals are definitely not his best. He sounds like he’s putting on a voice and also holding back in a lot of places. Even the part where he lets out this sort of yell feels a bit underwhelming.
The guitar bit which serves as the hook to this song is also quite nice the first time you hear it, but by the third chorus, it’s just tiring.
The lyrics to this song are also pretty plain, not really saying anything.
Overall, this song isn’t bad, but it’s also pretty disposable.
131. Backdrifts: 
The electronics in this song are kind of boring. They’re repetitive, emotionless, and hollow sounding. As such, this song has no sense of atmosphere. It just sounds like a lot of crinkling and cracking and glitching. 
I wouldn’t mind it that much if the song was short, but it goes on for almost six minutes, and I’m tired of it by the third minute.
This is also another song where Thom’s vocals are too muted and reserved.
Also, this song has no sense of dynamics, never increasing in intensity or volume. It starts out as one emotion, and then never changes the emotion.
130. Up On The Ladder:
This is a track off of In Rainbows Track 2.
Yawn. Musically, this is a very boring song. The electric guitar is dry, repetitive and uninteresting. It also does not mesh well with Thome’s vocals at all. The backing synths are also pretty bland, sounding like free stock audio you can put in a home sci-fi movie.  That made no sense. Whatever. You see what I’m saying.
Lyrically, this song is weird, referencing Doctor Who. Other than that, they’re just as boring as the rest of the song. Not only do they say very little other than “I’m not happy” they’re devoid of any interesting imagery or worldplay or anything to make them remotely memorable.
129. Hunting Bears:
This song is just some simple guitar playing with a really weird and harsh distortion effect added to it, at least, I think it is.
I guess it serves as an inter-whatever…but like, does it? Amnesiac could have gone from Dollars and Cents to Like Spinning Plates, and it would have been fine. 
129. Paperbag Writer:
This song is cool before the electronics kick in, as there are some unsettling strings and unique percussions that create a sinister atmosphere.
However, all atmosphere is lost when the electronics come in, as they have this very annoying snapping quality that I do not like. They are also way too loud.
The guitar also sounds like a robot farting.
128. We Suck Young Blood:
Perhaps I’m being too harsh on this song. It does sound…well, nice. The chord progression is very pretty, and the piano playing has an ethereal quality to it (get ready for me to say the word “ethereal" a bunch more times). However, this song is a one trick pony sonic-wise, and this trick gets old very fast. We begin in this hazy dream-like state, we continue in that state, and then we end in that state. It doesn’t help that Thom is singing liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis throooooooooooughout. It takes him half a minute to say a single line. It gets even worse by the end because Thom begins to make his voice all scratched up. He sounds like he’s trying to impersonate a vampire when he says “We want the sweet meat”. It is extraordinarily silly.
Also, the clapping feels very cliched. 
Not only that, but this song hasn't aged well politically, at least for me. There’s nothing wrong with the messaging, the entertainment industry does take advantage of young people. However, the whole vampire thing connects this song with weird, anti-semetic conspiracies which have recently entered the public eye. Obviously, this was not intentional, and it’s really not the band’s fault, nor the fault of the song. 
It just makes it hard for me personally to connect with the actual message Radiohead wanted to send, especially because the song doesn’t say a whole lot more than “The entertainment takes advantage of young people, draining them, and this is kind of like vampires.”
Not only is this a message we’ve heard before, the song relies so heavily on this one metaphor and one observation, never making an attempt to explore it further. Also, the vampire/leech for society/entertainment industry/the government/capitalism  is an extremely common metaphor.
“We Suck Young Blood” is sort of a poor man’s “Welcome to the Machine”, a song wich doesn’t just stay on one metaphor and then drain it of all that it’s worth (see what I did there?). 
The final result is that “We Suck Young Blood” is a rather tedious song to get through, backed up by lackluster lyrics. 
127. The Gloaming: 
While the Gloaming is impressive from a technical standpoint, it’s still a rather dull affair. The backing beeps and bloops don’t communicate any real emotion. Not only that, but the song keeps feeling like it will build up to something, but it never does. Yeah, the band keeps on adding more instruments into the mix, but this never makes it feel like the song is increasing in energy or intensity, the song just goes from feeling empty to feeling messy, probably a result of all of the rhythmic shenanigans occurring. It’s definitely commendable that Radiohead were able to make this piece, but I generally skip it when listening to Hail to the Thief.
Actually, let’s talk about Hail to the Thief.
The Head of Radio is consistently interested in portraying emotions, and Hail to the Thief fits into that. While many of the songs are about investigating why certain political issues exist, many of the songs also capture what it feels like to experience these issues, like in “Wolf at the Door”.
The problem is, this means that their thoughts on politics can be rather vague, with it being unclear exactly what Radiohead dislikes. Something a song writing teacher told me was that good songwriting is specific, and I think that applies to this album, and also specifically this song.
Let’s look at OK Computer for a second. That album cites specific details about living in modern society which paints a specific portrait. There is a job that slowly kills you, and there’s a pretty house with a pretty garden.
Now, let’s look at this song. It makes the point that we should be aware of the problems, “Your alarm bells should be ringing”, and there is bad stuff happening right now, “It is now the witching hour.”
And, that’s about it.
The Gloaming doesn’t say anything specific, and as such, its lyrics ring hollow for me. 
Also, the best Radiohead songs are the ones who exist in their own worlds. Some songs on Hail to the Thief fit that description. Most notably, both “Wolf At the Door and “2+2=5” both take place in these surreal dystopian fairy-tale worlds. 
However, songs such as the Gloaming are definitely lacking in the world building department. The Gloaming doesn’t seem to be taking place in any reality at all. There’s very little imagery, and there really isn’t any sort of atmosphere.
Essentially, The Gloaming just sounds hollow and meaningless, especially in the context of the album it is on.
126. Meeting in the Aisle: 
This is another song from OK/NOTOK.
Similarly to We Suck Young Blood, the gloomy and ominous  vibes of this song are quite nice, but soon get tiring. 
The way the various instrumentation all fades together has a cool ethereal quality, but there are many moments near the end where the mix gets too crowded, and all of the colors just turn to mush. Obviously, they were trying to go with a crowded sound, but the crowded nature messes with the emotionality.
Still, when the song isn’t too hazy, it is quite pleasant to just soak up all the various sad instrumentation going on. Does it kinda just sound like hold music? Yeah, but it’s pretty hold music, and it also has that nice dystopian quality to it.
125. Morning Mr. Magpie: 
This song has the same problem as Feral. Once again, I can appreciate what the band were trying to do, and all of the effort and technical skill which went into making this song. However, once again, this song just comes off feeling like a mess, and a repetitive one at that, with the loops making it feel like we keep on going in circles through this weird haze of noise. There’s no human aspect to this song. 
This song also starts out very weird and is consistently weird throughout, making it all blend together. 
I guess the idea is that all of these loops are trance-like, but they don't feel like that to me. They just bore me.
There’s so much going on in every single second of this song, I just become numb to everything by the ten second mark. I have the same problem with Moulin Rouge.
124. Little by Little:
This King of Limbs song is a little less cluttered than Morning Mr. Magpie, so I guess that’s nice. Also, the almost out-of-key sounding guitar is a neat touch, and the percussion is some sort of instrument that I don’t think I’ve heard before.
Also, it’s usually at this point in my King of Limbs listening that I get a headache. My brain is already chaotic enough, it does need the sonic equivalent of ten shots of espresso.
C:
123. Gagging Order:
This is another B-Side from the Hail to the Thief era.
The acoustic guitar has a sweet, clean sound to it as a result of the simple composition. 
However, this song is just Thom’s voice and the acoustic guitar. Despite that, Thom is doing his usual soaring vocals, and they kind if clash with the very intimate guitars.
Also, the lyrics are about nothing, and they aren’t even pretty nonsense. I suppose the vocal melody is much more important, but the melody is pretty basic. It feels like Thom thought of a nice guitar bit and then quickly slapped some lyrics to go along with it.
124. Anyone Can Play Guitar:
The lyrics of this song are one of the more interesting on Pablo Honey, I guess. It’s about wanting to be famous (I’m assuming) and the cult we have around famous rock stars.
It’s also kind of funny that Thom says he wants to be Jim Morrison, a singer who did not play guitar.
However, musically, it’s just whatever. The melody is fairly catchy, I suppose, and the guitar backing is rather unoriginal but still enjoyable. The guitar solo is also fun even if it doesn’t communicate anything.
125. Ripchord:
This song is alright. The lyrics are about the failure of missing out on life, realizing there’s no way out after you’ve jumped from the plane. That’s something fairly interesting.
The drumming on this song is also quite nice, with a fun frenetic energy to it. Thom also seems to be having some fun with his vocals, especially during the chorus.
Plus, the guitar is gleefully angsty and melodramatic in a way that feels rather untethered.
There’s a rather unconstrained feeling to the instrumentals, which I suppose is neat.
Unfortunately, it still feels pretty basic.
120. Sulk:
The beginning of this song has these very dystopian sounding fan- sounds that mix in very well with this guitar bit that sounds straight out of a midwest emo song.
However, after that, the instrumentals don’t do anything interesting, instead being rather repitive. As such, the chorus of this song is lacking in any sort of hook.
The very crunchy guitar solo is fun, even if it sounds like it could be the guitar solos to a million other songs.
The song is about being sad and how that sucks.
The lyrics are repetitive and unsubtle in that very early Radiohead way. The song never goes beyond that singular idea of being sad, nor does it explore this idea in any way.
119. The Bends: 
Why did they make this song the title track of The Bends? No, seriously why? I genuinely do not know, because this song is just so…eh. 
It’s your standard grunge song, something which wouldn’t be out of place on the previous record. 
The lyrics are also really simple, as “Oh, oh my baby’s got the Bends, I know” not being exactly Pulitzer-worthy material. I’m really glad that he felt the need to tell us that he knows.
Also, there’s the line “The planet is a gunboat in a sea of fear.” Wait, are aliens attacking us? 
But, what is this song about? Well, it’s about that feeling when you’re stressed and unhappy and you don’t like what is going on.
It’s not that deep.
There’s so little to talk about with this song.
118. I Am A Wicked Child: 
This is a B-Side from the Hail to the Thief era.
This is a rather cynical tongue in cheek song, very indicative of the nineties. This sarcasm is kinda cute, but also kinda annoying with how on-the-nose it is.
117. Bloom:
Remember everything I said about the other King of Limbs songs? That applies here.
However, I like the reverb on Thom’s vocals. Also, the bridge in the middle of the song is, dare I say, quite haunting, mostly because of Thom’s very pretty humming. He’s a great hummer. The beginning of the section reminds me somewhat of MK 1.
The end of that section is also fantastic, as it has a horn section. I fucking love horn sections. This horn section is drenched in reverb and all sorts of other effects, making it sound extraordinarily ethereal. 
However, it’s still not worth it.
116. Yes I Am:
This is one of the most interesting sounding songs on the Creep Ep.
The band are actually playing off each other very well, with the use of drums in this song being especially pleasant. 
Also, this song does have a build in it.
There’s a sense of constrained energy to this song which I quite like, with this energy slowly being released over the course of this song.
Thom’s vocals in this song actually have some emotion in this song.
Also, this song has two guitar solos. The first is definitely not anything new, but it does a very good job of communicating this very specific kind of anger which is within this song. The second is also definitely not anything new, but it is rather technically impressive and also distinct among Radiohead guitar solos, sounding kind of like a solo you’d expect from a hair metal song. It works well as a culmination of the build-up the song was working on.
The lyrics are pretty simple, about hating someone.
This song isn’t great, but there’s nothing it really does wrong, and the beat is rather fun. 
115. Stupid Car:
I’m starting to suspect Radiohead dislikes cars. Or, perhaps they like using them as metaphors for modern society, like how The Great Gatsby does.
Anywhoo, this song is off of the Drill EP. 
It’s very basic. It rhymes “car” with “far”. Comparing this song to The Great Gatsby is giving it way too much credit, as it’s more so using the car as a metaphor for a relationship that is going downhill… at least, I assume it is, with lines such as, “You put my brain in overload. I can’t change gear.” It’s not exactly brilliant writing.
However, you can’t say that Thom’s voice in this song isn’t pretty with the way it soars, and you can tell he’s trying very hard. However, the problem is, the vocals in this song are much more energetic than the rest of the instruments, which are just a rhythm guitar. 
Still, it’s nice to listen to Thom belt his lungs out.
114. Planet Telex (Hexidecimal Remix): 
Why are there so many remixes of Planet Telex? This song takes Planet Telex, a pretty fun yet quite average alt-rock song, and adds a bunch of effects which makes it sound very spacey.
It also extends the intro into the territory of “too long”. 
Also,Thom’s vocals don’t mesh well with the electronics, making this song feel very disjointed.
This remix is just kind of boring. There’s so much going on, but none of it is interesting, so it all sort of fades into nothing.
 113. Supercollider:
At seven minutes and one second, this is Radishhead’s longest song, and it’s a single they released in 2011.
Does it earn its length? No.
The electronics are repetitive and hollow, and
it’s got that weird rhythm that a lot of the King of Limbs songs have.
Also, despite being seven minutes and one second long, the song never really goes through any different phases.
The lyrics of the song are not even worth talking about.
112. Vegetable:
The clean guitar work on this song is fun, I suppose. 
At this point while listening to Pablo Honey, I’m just so tired of the album. Every song in this album is so similar. 
Lyrically, Vegetable is about being tired of not letting oneself get angry. I suppose that’s fairly interesting.
111. Prove Yourself: 
Man, they really like songs with instructional names.
Unlike other songs off of Pablo Honey, this song sees Thom actually put some emotion into his vocals.
This may just be a result of me listening to this song on an iphone, but I think the electric guitar may be too high in the mix during the chorus, as it kind of steps over Thom’s vocals.
Still, that guitar is quiet fun, as is the crunchy electric guitar solo. I also appreciate that the electric guitar changed tone and distortion levels during this song. That’s kind of the bare minimum, but oh well.
110. Worrywort and 109. Fog 
These two songs are off the Knives Out EP.
They are both nothing songs. The electronics aren’t grating, but they also have no real effect at all.
These songs seem to be trying to go for some sort of atmosphere, but they’re too sparse and too chill to create one.
There’s a tambourine in Fog. That’s the only really interesting detail. 
108. Pearly:
Despite being an OK/ NOTOK song, this would not sound out of place on The Bends, as it’s a pretty simple heavy rock song. It’s a good time, and I really like the way Thom’s voice is layered on top of itself, but it’s still not anything stellar.
This song does have some very fun, very frenetic drumming in it.
Overall, I could definitely see enjoying this song while listening to it in a burger joint with a big bar.
107. The Butcher:
This song is the B side to Supercollider.
Thom says the word “bitch” in this song, which I think is new for him.
It also stands out because this song had that King of Limbs sound, with the unstable rhythm, haunting humming, and unearthly electronics. It is for this sound, and the weird juxtaposition with the lyrics, that this song is this low.
106. Fitter Happier:
 It’s kinda hard to judge this song, as it’s not really meant to be picked apart on its own. Within the album, it serves its purposes. Everything I can critique about it is sort of the point. Yeah, the robotic voice is creepy, and yeah the music concrete is not nice on the ears, and yeah, don’t call me a pig. I guess I can critique it on the grounds of being very on-the-nose in a way that feels a bit…Reddit-y, I suppose. I know that’s a silly thing to say, since this is Radiohead of all bands, but that is the way it comes off. Yeah, society treats us like farm animals, what else is new.
However, at the same time, whatever. If we could only use completely unique metaphors, then 99% of all writers would be out of a job.
I like the line “No killing moths or putting boiling water on ants.” I can’t believe they don’t let us torture insects. We truly do live in a society. 
I do think some of the weirder instructions serve well to spice up the otherwise very unsubtle lyrics.
105. These Are My Twisted Words: 
This is the most Radiohead song Radiohead made. I don’t wanna say it’s like a parody, but it kinda is. It’s not bad, it just does what so many of their other songs do, the lyrics are despondent, Thome’s voice is high, the music is ethereal-ish. The only problem is, it doesn’t do any of this in a unique way. The lyrics aren’t anything special, and the song never figures out what it wants to be about. I guess it’s about songwriting and making music itself, but it doesn’t say anything about the process. Thumb York gives a nice vocal performance, but he’s not doing anything stellar with his voice, just singing in his unique way. The music does have a nice quality, but you can also find this quality by searching “ambient music for a rainy day” on Youtube.
104. Packed Like Sardines In A Crushed Tin Can:
Packed Like Sardines is a song with a lot of desperate elements which combine together to make nothing.
The song ends up feeling extraordinarily repetitive, with no change of mood or sense of building up or anything. The lyrics are also extremely forgettable, and Thom’s singing is way too reserved in this track. It sounds like he’s asleep, and the synths are also just as loud as he is, so his restrained vocals are buried.
However, I can admire the uniqueness of the song, as I really can not think of a single other song that sounds exactly like that. Despite that, the song just feels like nothing more than a novelty.
103. Myxomatosis: 
Myxomatosis is another song which just ends up feeling mostly hollow. The main guitar riff is pretty cool, but it gets tiring fairly quickly, as it’s not cool enough to be repeated a bazillion times, and once again, it’s pretty devoid of emotion. It also does sound a bit like a robot fart, and when the buzzing electronics are on top of it, it just sounds messy. When you pile distortion on top of distortion, then it sounds scratchy, and it really, really clashes with Thom’s vocals. By the end of the song, I was really sick of the electronics, which just gave me a giant headache. 
The best parts of the song is when the guitars cut out and we only hear Thome’s voice and the drumming, as the drumming is quite nice. Unfortunately, those moments are few and far between.
Also, this might be one of Thome’s most middling vocal performances. It’s too nasally, and the way he says Myxomatosis is almost, dare I say it, annoying. 
The lyrics…eh. They feel like a bunch of random ideas thrown together. Myxomatosis is reportedly a disease in rabbits, in case you were wondering.
The band also sound like they’re trying too hard to be edgy, as they’re basically saying “Oh, I’m a dangerous animal, I have a disease, I’m rapid, I’m going to attack you.” It reminds me of late-era Green Day lyrics, especially because it feels vaguely political, but it doesn’t really say anything or provide any insight into any issue. It just uses phrases like “used in a photo in Time magazine” which seem like they’d be political. However, there’s no actual point being made. Perhaps Radiohead is expressing something, but I don’t know what they’re expressing, and I don’t really know what emotion they want us to feel. 
102. Planet Telex:
“You can force it, but it will not come.” Is a very Radiohead-esque opening line.
Anywhoo, the guitar work on this song sticks out, using all sorts of effects to create this very chaotic feeling. 
I also really like the part where we hear a piano play, and the echo used is similar to the one applied to the guitar.
However, everything other than that is just “eh”.
 C+:
101. Lurgee:
This Pablo Honey song might actually be good. Both the vocals and the instruments actually manage to communicate an emotion. The guitar solo is definitely lacking energy, but that was definitely unintentional, as it works to create a feeling of despair. 
100. Blow Out: 
Blow Out is a pretty neat tune. Of all the Radiohead songs, this one sounds the most like a bossa nova record. There’s definitely a rather unique texture which sets it apart from the rest of the songs on Pablo Honey. Not only that, but the composition actually sounds interesting.
It’s also the most interestingly produced song on Pablo Honey, with multiple recordings of Thom’s voice being placed on top of each other. This is something that Radiohead would go on to do all of the time.
Unlike many of the other songs on that album, Blow Out actually has a vibe and an atmosphere.
Not only that, but this song also has some surprises, namely the ending, which has this guitar bit that sounds like ten thousand ghosts shrieking. It’s pretty cool.
It’s still not all that great, with the lyrics feeling rather flat and Thome’s vocals feeling stiff (I think that’s the best way to describe them, as it sounds like he’s holding back, hitting all of the notes, but not injecting much emotion into them).
The song’s lyrics are worthwhile, if rather one noted. They’re about feeling like the sadness in your life is inescapable. It doesn’t say that in the most interesting way possible, using a metaphor of turning everything into stone, but at least it’s saying something specific and unique.
99. A Reminder:
This is an interesting song off of OK/ NOTOK. The beginning uses field recordings and mixes it with these glistening ambient sounds. 
It’s very pretty.
Then, the guitar, drums, and Thon’s voice are added on to that, and at that point, the song starts to feel messy. 
The lyrics to this song are about how Thom wants this song to be a reminder of how he was once “cool” and full of energy and joy. Okay…that’s a neat idea, I guess.
The song also has a very abrupt end which is weird after its very languid beginning. 
98. Electioneering: 
It’s fine. There’s nothing Electioneering does wrong. The percussion with the…I think it’s a cowbell? Has a very playful quality I like, which matches with Thome’s almost mocking vocals and the kind of lullabye-esque vocal melody. The guitar line also has a really nice stinging quality to it. It feels harsh and angry, but also kind of euphoric and silly. 
However, like… whatever.  These elements are nice, but not memorable in any way. Plus, the lyrics don’t do much for me, as they don’t say a huge amount. The smartest observation is the “When I go forwards, you go backwards, and somewhere we will meet.” Like, yeah that’s what happens, society is moving ahead, and a lot of the young folk have progressive ideas, but we keep on getting these people with reductionist policies, and we then have to meet them in the middle. That’s something people don’t talk about a lot, and it’s said in a simple and eloquent way.
However, nothing else in this song says a whole lot. Yeah, politicians lie. That’s not a unique statement. 
Also, parts of the song are just the band listing a bunch of political terms, and that’s not political satire. What about voodoo economics? What even is that? Okay, I looked voodoo economics up, and it’s something George HW Bush said to mock Regan’s economic policies. Okay. That’s not very meaningful. That’s not meaningful at all. 
Also, while I complimented the way the cowbell matched Thom’s vocals, it does feel like the rest of the song does not match with his vocals. The guitar’s sound is so much more energetic than Thom on the verses, and even during the choruses, it still sounds like the band are recording from different worlds. Also, the cowbell does eventually go away. :(
This does add to the rather messy quality to the song. The band doesn’t really sound all that in sync, and it’s just overwhelming. I suppose that’s the point, but it gets tiring very quickly. My ears don’t know what to focus on, so all of these elements mix together into a glop.
97. Sit Down, Stand Up:
The album “Hail to the Thief” is notable because of how much repetition there is with the lyrics. Now, this can work, like with 2+2=5, where it sounds like a chant. It’s reminiscent of “The World is a Ghetto”, another very furious and cynical album.
Also, in today’s information age, it can feel like the same buzzwords are being yelled at us repeatedly. The repetition sells the feeling of being overwhelmed by issues.
However, sometimes the repetition can just get tiring, especially in the beginning of this song. It’s rather low energy, so it doesn’t feel like a chant, nor does it have the feeling of being overwhelming
However, I don’t dislike the beginning of this song. It has a dystopian, robot-like atmosphere, and the inclusion of the sparkling Christmas-y bells somehow manage to fit in well. I also really like the build up in the middle of the song. It sounds like a giant alien spaceship is slowly casting a shadow over the entire song. Yes, that is the metaphor I’m using. 
Of course, that buildup then sends us to Thom repeating “the raindrops” over and over. I don’t know what the meaning of that phrase is, and I kind of don’t care. I think the idea is that the vocals are just another instrument being used here. 
We also get this insanely frenetic drumming and squealing synth, and it feels like aliens are pouring out of the ship and shooting at us.
Despite being cool musically, super frenetic drumming like this gets tiring very quickly, just look at The King of Limbs. The overwhelming nature of it means that I soon just grow numb. 
It definitely doesn’t help that this part of the song lasts for a minute.
Maybe it’s just because this song comes immediately after 2+2=5, another song which starts off with a dystopian atmosphere and then explodes into violence. However, everything Sit Down, Stand Up does, 2+2=5 does with much more creativity and power, as I’ll talk about later.
96. Separator:
I feel like the drums in this song are too loud, and they kind of take over the rest of the song. Despite being very interesting rhythmically, the drums get rather tiring. 
This whole song is not really anything spectacular. There aren’t any musical ideas that I find particularly interesting, and it doesn’t make me feel anything.
I suppose the lyrics or some of the most colorful on King of Limbs like with, “Fallin’ off the giant bird that’s been carrying me” but it’s still not anything to write home about. A lot of the lines feel like they’re just filler, like with “If you think this is over then you’re wrong”.
It’s fine if the lyrics have no discernible meaning, but it would be nice if they’re still interesting.
That’s a problem I have with The King of Limbs overall, it’s an album that seems kind of uninterested in saying anything.
Obviously, there’s that vague feeling of sadness throughout the album
“So why does this still hurt?” (Bloom), “Now you’ve stolen all the magic/ took my melody” (Morning Mr. Magpie), 
However, it’s rarely concerned with dissecting this sadness. Occasionally, it will dive into the reason for the despair, like with “Routines and schedules, a job that’s killing you” in (Little by Little). However, that’s a “No Surprises”-esque line in a song which is definitely not “No Surprises”, as that line is the only line in the song about the idea. The rest is just abstract lyrics, “The last one out of the box, the one that broke the seal”. It’s not even very pretty abstract lyrics.
There’s a lot of references to relationships throughout the album, “You’re mine” (Feral). However, nothing is ever said about relationships.
There’s two exceptions to this.
The first is Lotus Flower. “There’s an empty space in my heart where the weeds take root” is a line which actually seems to make a specific statement: the absence of meaning in my life leads to my vices growing.
The second exception is “Give Up The Ghost”, as I suppose you could say it’s about being afraid of entering a relationship for fear of being hurt.
95. Like Spinning Plates:  
The story behind this song is cool, as it’s I Will being played Backwards.
It’s a cool concept.
The song definitely has an atmosphere, that atmosphere being a sense of haunting dread, soul-crushing horror, and unexplainable pain.
I don’t enjoy listening to it, but I don’t think it's meant to be enjoyed. 
Thome’s voice when he says the title does have a certain unexplainable quality to it, as does the rest of the song. 
94. Permanent Daylight:
This song is off of the My Iron Lung EP.
The guitar riff in this song is nice.
However, there’s a weird vocal effect on Thom’s voice that mutes it and makes it all garbled up.
Other than that, I don’t have anything to say about this song. It is a well-put-together piece of music that did not bore me.
93. Bulletproof (I Wish I Was):
“The Bends” is too long. It’s not the longest radiohead album or anything, it’s only 49 minutes. However, there are songs on it that didn’t really need to be on it.
Bulletproof (I Wish I Was) is an example of this.
Not only that, but this song comes after “Just” and “My Iron Lung” which are both very high energy, so it feels like a sudden plunge.
This isn’t a bad song, but it is very low-energy, and very languid.
In terms of positives, I like the sparkling guitar and overall breezy quality of the song, and Thom is doing his usual routine with the vocals.
It has everything you’d come to expect from a Radiohead song.
92. Staircase:
This is a B side from 2011.
It has a very nice bass which is fun to tap one’s feet too.
There’s a rather chaotic quality to it which is fun.
The violins are also a nice touch.
91. The Amazing Sounds of Orgy
This song is going on in all sorts of directions. The percussion is crazy, Thom is singing in the key of “existential dread” and the whole thing sounds like I assume the Phantom Zone sounds like.
This entire song is scary
The effects on Thom’s voice scare me. The reverberation on the drums is spooky. The quick screams of organs send shivers down my spine.
This song is about capitalism, I suppose. I guess it is the rich people who are having an orgy, and we are forced to listen to their amazing sounds. We truly do live in a society.
90. Bangers+ Mash: 
The opening to this In Rainbows Part 2 song sounds like the kinks “You Really Got Me Going” mixed with Bodysnatchers.
The coarse guitars and drums in this song are instantly gripping, and they fit Thom’s yelping delivery, but they lose their grip pretty quickly. In fact, all of this song really gets tiring pretty quickly. As nice as the guitars and drums are, they’re pretty repetitive.
The only time when this song changes up is during the bridge, which is honestly kind of annoying. The backing gets chill, but Thom’s vocals stay the same way, and it just feels jarring. They also add other bits of…something during the bridge, making it feel messy, and also, this song does that thing where the music abruptly cuts off and starts again, which is kind of a pop song cliche, despite this not being a pop song.
89. 15 Step:
15 Step is kind of an underwhelming way to begin In Rainbows. That electronic...thingee..is repetitive and gets old very quickly.
Also, the cheering crowd of kids is very random and adds nothing to the song. Seriously, what was the point of the cheering kids? 
Also, the lyrics are kind of “meh”, not really saying much. 
However, I do like how we get the line “you reel me out and then you cut the string.” This si because in Videotape, we get the line “And you are my center when I spin away.” These lines are basically opposites.
Not only that, but the last part of this song feels extraordinarily messy, with the vocals and the guitar and the electronic thingee stepping over each other.
88. I Might Be Wrong:
Out of all the Radiohead songs, “I Might Be Wrong” sounds the most like a “Black Keys” song. It’s got this slick, rock and roll riff and a danceable beat. 
However, it’s also just kind of empty. There’s no real sense of atmosphere or mood, and there are no musical moments in it that I find memorable.
I don’t have anything else to say, because there’s nothing else to talk about. 
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spammreviews · 3 months
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B-:
87. Scatterbrain:
This is a kind of forgettable song. The guitar line is nice but not that nice, and it’s also kind of repetitive.
This song has no real sense of dynamics, it starts in one place and continues there for the rest of the song. 
Despite being pretty, this song has no moment of tension or waxing and waning of energy. The atmosphere is so rigid, it just gets boring after a while.
There’s one musical idea, and that makes the entire song.
87. Lozenge of Love:
This is a song off of the My Iron Lung EP.
The beginning of this song sounds like the beginning of The Shrine/An Argument by Fleet Foxes, but the guitar is kind of muted.
The vocal melody in this song is quite nice.
This whole song kind of gets tired pretty quickly. It starts in one place and stays there, which is something I do not like songs. There’s no use of dynamics or changing mood or atmosphere.
86. My Iron Lung:
You know what? Sometimes, a song has to be a grunge song. Sometimes it needs to have extreme contrasts. But you also know what? That’s not always a bad thing. Grunge is/was good. Extreme contrasts slap. 
Iron Lung is a song about stress and uncomfortableness, and the instrumentation mirrors that with how goddamn tense it is. You know, this song is about how Radiohead had to live with Creep, but it could also work really well as a metaphor for Body Dysphoria, which Creep can also work well as. Both songs have these ideas of being uncomfortable in your own body. Maybe I could rank Radiohead songs by how well they fit as metaphors for Body Dysphoria.
85. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Thief, Richman, Poorman, Something, Something:
Everyone talks about how Hail to the Thief and Amnesiac have a bunch of unnecessary songs, but like, A Moon Shaped Pool is also guilty of this. So many of the songs sound extraordinarily similar, and it can feel kind of repetitive. 
This song moves along at a very languid pace.
There’s also some hissing electronic backing that gets annoying very quickly, as it’s very loud in the mix, and it’s pretty uninteresting and repetitive.
However, everything other than that is nice. The violins are as pretty and emotive as any other song on A Moon Shaped Pool, and Thom’s voice is as silky as ever.
The outro is also a lot of fun, with the strings and organ-like synths going all over the place and creating this very scattered soundscape.
84. Identikit: 
The first few minutes of this song are kind of drowsy. Much of the instrumentals are drums and electronics, both of which are pretty textureless and uninteresting.
It doesn’t help that Thom’s vocals are kind of emotionless, and for some reason, they decided to make his voice really quiet for the first couple of lines.
The reason for the lack of emotion might be because his voice doesn’t really have anything to bounce off of for much of the song.
Also, “broken hearts make it rain” should not be a lyric in a radiohead song. 
However, the part where Thom repeats that is actually my favorite part of the song. Firstly, I love Thom’s delivery, especially when his voice trills on the word “rain”, and we actually get some interesting instrumentals with the simple but effective guitar.
That bit is followed by a chorus of voices also saying “broken hearts make it rain” accompanied by synths. It’s kind of ethereal, even though it also does feel a tad bit melodramatic.
The rest of the song has the same problems as the beginning. However, there’s a really cool guitar bit at the end.
It does kind of clash with every other part of the song, as it has the opposite energy. However, it’s still funky and fun.
83. Cuttooth:
I like the beginning, where it sounds like the music is getting closer to us. The glistening piano in this song is also very fun. 
Other than that, this song is just alright in every way possible.
82. Creep: 
Oh, Creep. It’s a good song, sort of. The lyrics, while on the nose, do work. We can all relate to feeling like a creep, and “What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.” is a pretty efficient and well spoken summation of that entire feeling. The song does a pretty good job of really getting to the root of this feeling of self-loathing, that you don’t hate being different, just the way you’re different, “You’re so fucking special, I wish I was special.” It’s definitely vert cringey, but self-loathing is cringey. Self loathing is illogical, and it feels stupid whenever you try to talk about it. At the very least, we can all agree that this song does a good job of feeling genuine. 
Also, there aren’t many songs about this feeling. It’s something a lot of people feel, but it’s really uncomfortable to talk about.
Meanwhile, the chord progression, while done a million times before, works well at being, well, sad. It’s a very emotional chord progression, and I can say the same for the vocal melody on top of it.
Plus, the palm muting on the chorus does make the hook really work. We in The Cult of the Heads of Radio like to poke fun at how much Pablo Honey uses the extreme dynamics of grunge, but there is a reason grunge does it, and that’s because it can work very well to create a strong hook, like with this song. 
However, I do agree with the sentiment I’ve heard some people say:  many covers of this song work much better, like the version the guy on America’s Got Talent did, or that version sung by a children’s chorus used in that community video. While the harshness of the original does work, the song has a much better effect with a gentle quality. 
To elaborate on that, I think one of the reasons why Creep can rub someone the wrong way is how aggressive it is. Thome New York City is screaming at you about how he’s a Creep, and it’s a lot. It feels kinda melodramatic. The lyrics are kind of…intimate, as they are about the kind of feelings which are extremely embarrassing to express. A lot of covers of this song choose to focus on this intimate quality.
Also, the lyrics are very on the nose, and the music being so on the nose doesn’t help it. You know the song “At Seventeen”? Imagine that being a grunge song. It would sound silly, because the lyrics are already heavy.
Overall, this song deserves to be a meme, because it is kinda silly, but it’s also kinda poignant in how raw it is. Like, you need a certain kind of confidence to go up on a stage and go “I suck, I hate myself, and I wish I looked better.” I mean, I can’t think of a single song sung by a man which mentions feeling like one’s body is inadequate, but it’s a thing a lot of guys go through.
Unfortunately, this all does mean that a bunch of incels have latched onto this song, because if there’s anything rightwing weirdos love, it's ruining everything else.
So yes, Creep, isn’t a great song. But it’s an alright song. And yeah, it’s annoying that the band is known for this one kinda silly song and not everything else, but that’s life. 
81. Lull: 
The sparkly sound of this OK/NOTOK song is enjoyable, giving it a dark lullabye aesthetic that a lot of alt rock songs have. The ending is weirdly sudden, but better too short than too long, I guess. 
The main guitar riff is also nice and it meshes very well with the drums.
Lyrically, this song is about being unsatisfied with the direction of one’s life. That’s pretty relatable, I suppose.
80. Lotus Flower:
This song is not as crazy as the previous songs on the King of Limbs. The drumming is not as technical, even though it’s still doing something crazy with the rhythm. There’s also not that many loops stacked on top of each other. As such, I find it palatable. Plus, the reverb on Thom’s voice is cool.
79. Idioteque:
This is not a pretty song. There is a sharp, hissing quality to the harsh electronics. 
It’s definitely a unique sound…but it’s one I don’t really enjoy hearing for longer than two minutes, and this song is five minutes long. 
This song is something that could definitely fit on Hail to the Thief, as it’s a lot less atmospheric than the rest of Kid A. 
Much like The National Anthem, this is not a song that you are supposed to like to listen to. However, I think The National Anthem does definitely have a sense of atmosphere, and it also goes through these different phases and moods.
The fact that Idioteque doesn’t really do that means that it can feel very repetitive. You can cut out basically the last 2 minutes of this song, and it really wouldn’t change anything.
Idioteque isn’t a bad song, as it does everything it’s trying to do, but out of all the songs on Kid A, I find it the least interesting.
78. Morning Bell:
As you probably know, there are two different versions of Morning Bell, the one on Kid A, and the one on Amnesiac.
I feel like the Kid A version of morning bell is easily the inferior one. First off, the drums are very loud, much louder than the piano/synth/whatever, and it takes away from the atmosphere the song is trying to make. While the rhythm of the drums is cool, it doesn’t really communicate any emotion.
Also, Thom’s vocal performance here is much more constrained, lacking a lot of the beauty and pain he gave to the Amnesiac version.
The electronics in the second half of the Kid A version are also much more shrill than the electronics in the second half of the Amnesiac version, which I think also takes away a lot of the atmosphere.
The outro of the amnesiac verison is also much better because it’s so much livelier. The outro of the Kid A version is just the drums with a piano and a synth occasionally entering. However, with the Amnesiac version’s outro, there’s something going on in every second.
Both outros have a feeling of chaos to them, but Kid A’s version does it by randomly throwing in new instrumentation and then taking it away, which is much less effective at communicating the feeling of chaos.
The Kid A version also just sounds much more muted and much less colorful than the Amnesiac version. You can hear the difference pretty clearly.
The Kid A version isn’t bad, some of the beauty is still there, and it does do a good job of moving the album from Idioteque to Motion Picture Soundtrack.
77. Ful Stop:
The intro to this song did not need to be that long. There’s nothing wrong with long intros, it’s just that half of it could be cut out and it would have the same effect.
The whole song has a very slow pace. Thom waits six or so seconds between saying each line.
The backing also has a bit of that chaos present on many of the songs on King of Limbs.
None of these problems are awful, they just prevent the song from being all that great.
76. The Trickster:
This is a song off of the My Iron Lung EP.
I quite like the opening riff to this song. It’s got a very desperate, anxious quality to it. I also really like how we start off with a fairly clean guitar playing the riff and then a very distorted guitar playing that same riff on top of the clean guitar.
The pre-chorus to this song sounds like a Muse song.
I’m serious. There’s this big, kind of epic sounding swelling of guitars accompanied by Thom doing the same thing as he sings “He’s talking out the world.”
That is such a Muse thing.
However, it is a nice moment, and this moment of tension does a great job of launching us into the very funky chorus. It’s like the pre chorus is someone taking a very long deep breath before unleashing a scream. I’m not saying the chorus sounds like a scream, but…well, you know what I mean.
Honestly, this song is pretty fun. It’s very energetic but not overdoing it, and while the song definitely feels like it’s trying to sound cool and edgy and badass, there is a definite charm to that. Just look at Muse!
75. Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong:
This My Iron Lung EP song has quite a large amount of musical ideas. 
There’s also a nice atmosphere to it helped by the creative guitar work and Thom’s sinister sounding vocals.
I also like the warbling quality the backing instruments have.
Nice song.
74. Present Tense:
The guitars in this song are bright. I like the echo-ey vocals beneath Thom’s vocals. 
This whole song has a feeling of being lost and confused. 
This is helped by the percussion. I’m pretty sure it’s in a swing rhythm, as it feels very uneven and unstable.
Most importantly, this song is just really fucking pretty, but it’s also really energetic, so it doesn’t get boring.
Of all the songs on A Moon Shaped Pool, “Present Tense” sounds the most like a song from In Rainbows.
73. 4 Minute Warning:
This song from In Rainbows Track 2 basically has two intros. There’s the first bit, with all the harsh…whatever that is. This part sounds nothing like the rest of the song. Honestly, I don’t know why they needed this 40 seconds of distorted something.
After this first intro, we get the real intro, which does sound like the rest of the song.
This phase of the song is lo-fi and filled with a quiet despair. It’s all very pretty, and then it ends rather abruptly, with no real outro.
72. Go Slowly:
This is from In Rainbows Track 2.
This is a very pretty song which gets old quite quickly. The guitar is bright and sparkling and Thom’s vocals are filled with pain. There are two synths, one is this wall of sound that serves as some distant ominous. The other sounds more like a piano and has this sweet, twinkling quality. It’s a bit like there’s a backing synth and a lead synth.
These aspects combine to create a lovely atmosphere which is just as haunting as many of the songs on In Rainbows
The introduction of the loud rhythm guitar half way through adds a lot of energy.
However, the live version from the In the Basement video is a thousand times better. The backing synth, which is very distant in the album track, has a much bigger impact on this version, and it’s far, far more emotive and far more spacier. The album track’s backing synth does sound a little too much like a rather pleasant buzz, but this synth is a wave of beauty.
The lead synth is also louder in the live version, and it gives the song a dark-lullaby aesthetic which I love.
In both versions, there’s two guitars from the beginning, but with the album track, one is much louder than the other. With the live version, they both take up equal space in the mix, and that’s great because they mesh together perfectly.
Thom’s voice is more reserved in the live version, and I think that fits the vibes of the song more. Also, they added a tiny bit of reverb or something to the vocals in the album version, and it takes away a bit of the emotions in Thom’s voice.
The shift half way through also feels more natural in the live version. In the album version, it’s kind of sudden, but the live version sort of swims into it. 
There’s also so much more power in the rhythm guitar in the live version, there’s an intensity in every strum which you can feel. 
The album version is just a bit muddy, with a lot of these many different parts kind of blurring together, so it gets kind of tiring quickly. However, with the live version, every element feels like it has its own distinct voice.
71. Treefingers: 
This is a rather pretty sounding interlude, with the synths having a nice windchime-y quality to them.
I’ve heard people describe Kid A as “abstract”, and I think that’s a fitting description, as the imagery that the music evokes in me is often abstract.
This song feels like you’re floating through a vast expanse, and as you soar, you’re surrounded by streams of light and tendrils of color. It’s like you're simultaneously above the clouds and at the bottom of the ocean.
70. MK 2:
This is a funky little interlude. It’s spacious and eerie and ghost-like. 
69. MK 1:
This is basically just an extended outro to Videotape. The strange rhythm gives it an impossible to describe feeling, the “oooooh” is haunting, and hearing Thom breathing in adds a human element. I also like how the piano fades in and out. This whole song feels like what goes in your head in the seconds before you die. That’s the most Radiohead-esque way to describe a Radiohead song.
68. Just: 
This song is just fun. The guitar is energetic, the pre-chorus is great at building tension, launching us into the insanely catchy chorus. “You do it to yourself, you do” is such an earworm.
The guitar solo is  fantastic, with this fantastic angry quality to it, with the guitar sounding like it is shrieking.
This whole song has hard-hitting hooks up the wazoo. It’s energy is off the charts, and it’s angsty in a very fun way. While it is definitely a fairly typical grunge song, it’s a very fun grunge song. I talked about how Radiohead didn’t have the needed energy, but they definitely do in this song.
The parts where the song explodes all hit you like a freight train, but a fun freight train that’s pleasurable to be hit by.
67. How I Made My Millions:
This song is very interesting, as it’s basically just a demo of Thom playing the piano at his house. You can even hear his wife moving around behind him at parts.
This gives the song a very intimate quality which I quite like.
Thom’s vocals have a very gentle quality to them which I love, and they also work wonderfully with the pristine piano.
I do like the mixture of this very pretty composition with a lo-fi recording that kind of makes it a bit warbled. It’s like a bad photo of a beautiful sunset, which is a neat idea.
There’s also something very genuine and charming about being able to hear random noises in the background. It makes the song feel raw.
This song kind of has the same charm of very old blues records, even though it’s also not like those records in any other way.
66. The National Anthem:
The guitar/base/whatever that is in this song sounds like a robot farting. 
I guess that’s not a bad thing, as I’m assuming that the point of this song is supposed to sound like hell, what with these electronics that sound like distorted screams occasionally coming in and out. 
There’s also the horns in this song. Now, I do really love when horns are used in rock or pop songs, but the horns in this song are fittingly insane. Some of them also sound like a robot farting.
Basically, this song does a good job of giving off the feeling of intense…the feeling of…well, there’s some sort of feeling communicated here, but I don’t know what it is.
Also, despite how insanely hellish this song is, it’s kind of fun to dance to, because the beat does slap.
65. Polyethylene. Pts 1 and 2-
The beginning of this song was definitely recorded on a low quality microphone, as it sounds like a very early Mountain Goats song.
That’s not a bad thing, however, as there’s a charm to the lo-fi quality, and this song is supposed to sound rough and unpolished, at least, I think it is. This part is quite nice, as it has a rather intimate quality with just Thom’s lovely voice and some nice acoustic guitar.
I do like the way this song explodes with some very fun electric guitars and spacey synths. I’ve always been a big fan of songs that explode. 
While I like the idea behind this song, having a message about environmental destruction. However, Radiohead doesn’t say anything that hasn’t been said before.
The song also has many filler lyrics that don’t really ad to the larger meaning of the song like “If you don’t get into, no one will.”
Moving on, I can see how the way Thom kind of spits out his words can be annoying, but I thought it matches the angry tone and messy vibes of the song. The vocal melody is also pretty catchy.
I really like the outro of this song, which is nothing but fun, untethered rock and roll. The band actually seems to be having fun going crazy on all of their instruments.
64. Untitled:
It’s fine. This song is 53 seconds of pretty sounding electronic noises that slowly build and then disappear. It’s like an extended outro for Motion Picture Soundtrack.
You could say that, in the context of the album, this brief bit of beauty represents this hope of renewal.
The bleak, cold, and inhuman nature of Kid A make it seem like it’s an album set during a nuclear winter, where the last remnants of humanity are in bunkers. Untitled is like the light at the very far end of the tunnel where humanity manages to come back or some other life takes our place.
You could also say that Motion Picture Soundtrack sounds kind of like someone dying, with those haunting background vocals taking over the track, and with the last line of “I will see you in the next life”. Untitled feels like this dead person entering the afterlife.
It is for this cool symbolism that I made up that I’m putting Untitled above the other ambient tracks Radiohead has made. I do think it does a fantastic job at being an epilogue for Kid A, serving as one last little flurry of beauty.
63.  Airbag: 
Airbag is a perfect tone setter for Ok Computer, beginning with this gloomy, ominous guitar line and quickly becoming filled with a wave of morose synths, crunchy guitars, and Thome’s despair-filled vocals. This song is the perfect mix of chaotic and structured, with all of these elements blending together into a haze of distorted angst, while still never losing any of the key parts.
I especially love the guitar solo, with this vaguely “exotic” sound with hints of sci-fi.
I also like the way Thome’s voice warbles when he says “I don’t know how I survived.” Plus, any song which rhymes “Interstellar burst” with “universe” is pretty good in my book.
However, I can’t help but wonder if the outro could be shortened somewhat. Don’t get me wrong, the way Thumb’s voice intersects with the guitars like two battling forces is haunting in the most Radiohead-esque way, but you get the idea fairly quickly, and then it just keeps repeating.
B:
62. Bishop’s Robes:
This song has a nice atmosphere, a cold one filled with fog and danger.
Of course, this atmosphere melts when Thom sings “I am not…going back”. That part of the song sounds like Thom is floating upwards into some heavenly plane.
Apparently, this song is about a really mean headmaster that Thom had, and I appreciate this level of petty.
By the way, is British school evil or something? Every portrayal of school by a British person seems like hell, whether it be from The Wall, the books of Roald Dahl, the books of CS Lewis, the books of Terry Pratchett, and this song.
61. A Punch Up At A Wedding:
My favorite part is when he said “No”.
This song is actually kind of cool. We get a very slick and sort of jazzy guitar, and a forceful and bluesy sounding piano on top of that. 
I also like how unrestrained Thom’s voice is on the chorus.
There’s also a pretty danceable beat within this song as well as a very bright and clean sound. I suppose it is a bit too polished, as the edges are kind of sanded down. Much of “Hail to the Thief” falls into the category of either “distorted” or “ethereal”. All of these songs have a very unsubtle sound. “Sail to the Moon” is extremely pretty and extremely spacey. “Myxomatosis” is extremely gnarly and extremely grueling. 
A Punch Up At A Wedding is laid back in a way no other song on the album is.
Mostly, this is just an alright song which I think people dislike because of all the “no”s.
60. Lift: 
I can definitely see why they didn’t include this song on OK Computer, as it’s basically doing everything which “Let Down” and “Subterranean Homesick Alien” does.
That doesn’t mean it’s bad, as those songs do some great stuff.
The melody is rather catchy, especially during the chorus, which is fun. The song also does a very good job of building up towards the chorus, making it hit very hard.
I also like the violin that’s sort of buried deep within the mix.
59. (Nice Dream): 
The rhythm guitar in this song has always sounded unique to me, and I realized why when I looked up the chords. 
This song is really complex in terms of harmony, filled with add9, add11, 
and sus2add6 chords. The key is also in A, but it constantly goes out of that key.
All of the add chords and the well placed chromatic additions give the song a sort of dreamy effect, which is fitting.
This song is filled with musical ideas, there’s all the stuff with the violins and the vocal melody and why am I so tired? It's 2:26.
58. I Will:
I Will is sad. The vocals start off soft and delicate, but gradually grow in intensity.
Meanwhile, the bright guitar makes for a very pretty and very sad foundation.
The imagery in the lyrics also has that scattered feeling I like with Radiohead songs.
57. Bodysnatchers:
In Rainbows is an album with very pretty bridges. The bridge of this song is my favorite part, as other than that, the song’s intensity is too consistent. It starts at 100% and then continues at 100%, with the bridge being our only release.
The opening line, “I do not understand what I’ve done wrong” pretty much sums up my existence rather well.
I don’t know if “Your mouth moves only with someone’s hand up your ass.” is brilliant or idiotic.
By the way, I really like the lyrics in In Rainbows.
I’ve always been attracted to the lyrics of In Rainbows because of their mystery. You get the vague meaning of the songs, that they’re about human connection, but there’s also a sense of mystery. There are all these repeating ideas in different songs which you can connect together with red string like some sort of conspiracy theorist, but all you end up with is some sort of web that doesn’t reveal much.
It’s similar to a lot of Yes albums, which are obtuse on purpose, as well as Hawai: part two by Miracle Musical. Both use a lot of similar phrases and motifs in their lyrics throughout.
Let’s look at the repeating ideas In Rainbows.
A key theme throughout the album is a failure to progress and a fear that you will never move forward before it's too late.
Firstly, there’s a repeating idea of circles and cycles.
“How come I end up where I started?”
“Now that you found it, it's gone.”
“The beat goes round.”
There’s also a continued sense of shit getting worse.
“You used to be alright, what happened?”
“Has the light gone out for you? Because the light’s gone out for me”
The entire album also has this recurring idea of trying to do as much as possible before the end.
Jigsaw falling into Place is preoccupied with this idea. “Before you’re comatose” In Videotape, we get the line “I’m talking to you before…” and then the singer never elaborates on what will happen, saying “No matter what happens now”.
Bodysnatchers ends with the ominous repetition of the line “I’ve seen it coming”
There is also an idea of life passing one by.
“I am all the days you chose to ignore.”
The first verse of Faust Arp can be interpreted as being about the mundanity of everyday life, something this band LOOOOves talking about.
Death is mentioned a bunch, either explicitly or partially
“It comes to us all.”
“I get eaten by the worms”
“Dead from the neck up”
“I’ve seen it coming”
“Take a bow, take a bow”
“I hit the bottom and escape”
“Dare not speak its name”
The final song mentions VCRs, a kind of technology which is now considered obsolete. Also, I’ve always assumed that Videotape is about dying with lines like “This is my way of saying goodbye”.
In keeping with this idea of destruction, falling is mentioned a lot. 
“Watch me fall like dominoes” “Jigsaw falling into place”
“An elephant that’s in the room is tumbling, is tumbling.”
“Fifteen steps and then a sheer drop”
“I follow to the edge of the earth and fall off”
“I hit the bottom”
House of Cards is about a house of cards.
A key theme in social interactions is people judging you, and eyes and looking are mentioned a lot.
“Your eyes…they turn me.”
“You eye each other as you pass. You look at her, she looks back.”
“Won’t take my eyes off the ball again.”
“Blink your eyes, one for yes, two for no”
This album also explores how relationships can lead to fulfillment with multiple references to being filled.
“You paint yourself white and fill yourself with noise”
“I’m stuffed, I’m stuffed”
“Head full of feathers”
“Full of holes”
56. Where I End And You Begin:
Where I End And You Begin is very nice. 
The synth is very spacious and haunting, and I love the way it waxes and wanes in intensity, interacting with the drums and the vocals really well. The drums have a militant and kind of ominous sound to them while the vocals are very ethereal, and the synths sort of bridges the gap between the two. 
Then, the song hits you with this curveball in the form of that very coarse and rough guitar solo. This solo sort of transforms the entire song, with it feeling especially unstable after that. I do really like the way the song builds, but in a way that you don’t always immediately notice. By the end of the song, it feels like we’re in a different dimension than the first verse.
While “Hail to the Thief” is interested in critiquing the actions of the government, it’s also interested in figuring out why people believe these illogical things.
“2+2=5” explores how being a sheep you mindlessly obeys Big Brother is comforting.
“Backdrifts” explores the way those in power can convince themselves that they’re doing the right thing.
“Where I End and You Begin” gets to the heart of the matter: apathy and a lack of understanding. There are invisible walls between us which prevent us from emotionally connecting to each other. This can make us resistant to helping others. “I am up in the clouds, and I can’t, and I can’t, come down”
The song also mentions how these emotional walls can grow after experiencing abandonment “You left me alone”.
This mix of apathy and anger can lead to hostility, “I will eat you alive and there’ll be no more lies.” The narrator is basically saying that they’re afraid of being hurt, so they’re going to lash out. 
The juxtapositions in the music connect to that theme. 
In the beginning, the synth is like water, one singular voice. However, the harsh guitar and drums in the song slowly grow, making the synths more unstable. By the end, the synth is broken up into a bunch of different squealing voices. At this point, it almost sounds like the drums and the synths are arguing with each other.
Something cool about “Hail to the Thief” is the way it takes these very complex ideas and boils them down into something very simple, and this simplicity is heightened by the references to fairy tales which can be found on “2+2=5”, “Wolf at the Door”, and “Sail to the Moon”.
55. Go To Sleep:
This stands out among Radishhead’s discography, as it almost sounds like a country song. 
I quite like the vocal melody in this song, and the guitars are equal parts groovy and pretty. 
The way electronics are applied to this song are also neat, as they sort of crash into the song during specific times in the second half. It’s like the song is being played by a machine which occasionally breaks apart.
This is another song which goes through different phases, and these phases all blend together very well.
Like many songs on Hail to the Thief, the lyrics are rather vague, meaning you can apply your own ideas to them. It’s clear it’s about something, but as to what is up to you.
I’ve criticized that kind of writing previously, however, the song does sound nice, so I don’t really care.
54. Climbing up the Walls:
This song is spooky. The intense drums are spooky, the hissing electronics are spooky,the distortion applied to Thom’s voice is spooky, the way the violins jerk about are spooky, and all of the weird noises they randomly throw at you are spooky.
This whole song has an uncanny, inhuman quality to it. I once heard someone describe it as a “creepypasta in song form”, and I think that’s fitting, as a lot of scares in creepy pastas revolve around a distorted face or someone speaking kind of weirdly.
This song similarly is very inhuman.
Half of the instrumentals sound like either robots or demons screaming at you.
So, this is very unpleasant and an absolutely horrific experience, so yeah, it’s very good.
53. Lucky:
This song is nice. I like the way it explodes on its chorus when Thom sings “Pull me out of the aircrash”.
The guitar line and vocal melody are also neat. Plus, this song is drenched in lots of reverb and echoes which serve to create a great sense of atmosphere.
52. High and Dry:
For such a despondent song, it has a really blissful feeling. There’s a tranquility to the guitar.
The lyrics make the conscious choice to be in the second person, thereby preventing them from sounding too mopey. They’re kind of relatable if you’ve had anxiety, “they’re the ones who’ll spit at you if you think you’ve got the world sussed out”. Radiohead likes to make songs that sound like they’re being sung by the disparaging voice in someone’s head.
Plus, Thom really sells the lyrics with his delivery. 
51. Last Flowers:
The piano in this song is very pretty, even if it doesn’t sound very unique at all. The rhythm guitar coming in occasionally is very simple, but it works very well to add some extra energy.
“Appliances have gone berserk” is also a very interesting opening line.
This is an extraordinarily despondent song, and it’s never clear what this sadness is about, which is a big mood.
Thom’s voice sounds rather unpolished in this song, especially when he sings “Relief”, and that sells the feeling.
This is an extremely simple song. It sounds like it was written and recorded in 30 minutes, and there’s a certain charm to that. The simple production and unpolished vocals also means that it feels rather intimate.
50. All I Need:
All I Need is definitely up there with “All I Want Is You”, “All I Need if You”, “I Want you” and many more songs about needing and wanting people and things.
All I Need starts with this beautiful synth, and then we get this distorted, chunky base. You would expect them to clash, but they instead fit together beautifully, with the baseline dissolving into the synth line. This song continues the underwater vibes of the album, as well as the brightness. The sparkling…whatever you call that instrument, being a great touch, giving it a nice star-y vibe to it. I also love the climax at the end, with all the parts leaping together into a sort of calm crescendo is great. It’s also neat how distant Thome’s vocals (and the base) feel, like someone is calling to you from far away. 
This is a perfectly ethereal song.
“I only stick with you because there are no others.” is a very sad sentiment. In Rainbows explores unhealthy approaches to relationships in many ways, like staying away from relationships due to fear of loss, clinging to relationships due to fear of loss, and many others.
B+
49. The Numbers:
Sometimes, songs just sound cool.
I like the vaguely Andulsian guitar on this song, as it communicates a feeling of melancholy in a way I can’t describe.
The piano is also sparkling in a very pleasant way.
I also like Thom’s vocals, especially when his voice shivers on the word “shivers”.
I also fucking love the strings in the later part of this song, as they start out sounding very epic and very fun, but slowly moved into the despairing feeling you expect from Radiohead.
Overall, this song has a feeling of contained energy which I really like. It feels as if there are a bunch of dark emotions churning beneath the surface.
However, “and you may pour us away like soup” is a really weird line. I think it’s supposed to be funny, but I’m not sure.
Another thing I like are the bunch of distorted sounds of what I think are people talking at the beginning and end. It sounds like a bunch of people laughing and conversing at a party. 
48. Talk Show Host:
This song has the same point as Creep. The difference is A. The sound, and B. The point is told in a much more interesting way, painting a scattered picture of self-hatred using unique visuals.
Creep’s lyrics stay in this one place, so it does end up feeling like Thom is just repeating the same idea over and over. Meanwhile, Talk Show Host begins by saying “Hey, I hate myself”, and then moves from there.
I also really like the way Talk Show Host sounds. It flows between different states of distress with the use of this low, subtle bass and occasionally flourishes of electronics. The distant, yet robotic nature of the drumming (during most of the song) also adds to this quality.
Of course, the thing that everyone remembers is the guitar line, which is filled with the usual despair.
This whole song paints a very distinct environment, one that is moody and dark but also fun to listen to.
I also really love the way the distortion on the drums in the second half. It sounds like our main character is under attack from a squadron of elephants. I like being reminded of elephants.
47. I Want None of This:
This song has some great backing vocals. Very haunting. This is a very pretty song with some really great moments of tension.
The slow pacing and the simplicity of the instrumentals do mean that it can kind of get old towards the end.
46. Banana Co:
Ok, ok, here me out on this one guys. This song is from The Street Spirit (Fade Out) EP.
It’s also genius.
Thom’s voice sounds so despondent as he says the words “And oh, banana co,”
Also, I love this song's pre chorus, where everything loses energy, with the drums going out. Then, Thom sings “We gotta dig it up somehow!” and we get this brief but effective shriek of electric guitar. 
Despite being rather sad and slow, this song is still filled with energy.
The guitar solo is hellish in a good way, the drums add so much life, and the synth is so eerie. This song has some legitimately fantastic usage of dynamics, as well as display how in sync the band are with each other.
What are the lyrics about? Who knows! Just enjoy the show.
45. You Never Wash Up After Yourself:
Ok, ok, here me out on this one guys.
This is a song off of the My Iron Lung EP.
The guitar arpeggios? It is beautiful, haunting, and intense, and it works fantastically with the vocal melody. I’m sure there’s a music theory why, but I don’t care. Thom’s voice has a floating quality to it, in part due to him singing way higher than the arpeggios.
There’s also a very genuine feeling of despair in his voice which works fantastically with the guitar to paint this dark portrait.
Does this song not really have any sense of dynamics? Yeah. Is it very simple, with only the guitar arpeggio and Thom’s voice? Absolutely. However, it is less than two minutes long, and those arpeggios slaps.
Yes, the song is about not being hygienic, but it sounds nice.
44. Let Down: 
You know what? Everyone says that Let Down is underrated. Well guess what bub, it’s actually OVERRATED. (In my opinion)
That’s right, it’s one of Radiohead’s most popular songs, but it’s definitely not one of their best. Now, it’s good, obviously. It has a nice, breezy quality to it, communicating the feeling of being lost in a crowded and haze of technology and transportation. It feels like there’s something going on with every intrustument in this song, with them all working together to paint this soul-crushing portrait of the monotony of modern life.
The way those drums manage to sound so hopeful at the end of the bridge is mindblowing, the warbling of Thome’s voice adds such a great quality, and the layering of the voices at the end should be put in a museum. 
However, like, everything it does is also done in the other songs on this album, and done with a lot more finesse and emotional power. It’s still a fantastic song, but it’s smack dab in the middle of one of the greatest runs of songs on any album ever.
43. Ill Wind:
This is a single from 2016.
The guitar line is very nice. 
Thom’s voice is as beautiful as usual.
The electronics are a nice flourish, blending in seamlessly with the acoustic elements.
The flute is a very neat addition.
It’s just your usual Radiohead beauty and grace.
42. Spectre:
This is a very cinematic song, with this dramatic piano and these colorful waves of strings. The drumming has this uneven quality, making this a perfect song for a spy film.
The reverb on Thom’s voice also works very well.
The sound of this song surrounds you and envelopes you in this ocean of dread.
It’s another song which is very slow but also very energetic and also kind of exciting. It’s a fittingly epic song with multiple different grand crescendos, with the one at the end being the most violent and elaborate one of all.
This is the James Bond song, and it definitely fits the vibes of Craig’s Bond, James Bond. The lyrics are about betrayal and lost love and burning desire, which are perfect for any Bond, James Bond film.
41. Everything In Its Right Place/ Kid A:
Despite these two songs sounding completely, pretty much everything I have to say about one applies to the other.
When I first heard these two songs, I thought that they sounded like no other songs. Then, I listened to some Aphex Twin, and I realized that there were a few songs that sounded like them.
Of course, these songs are still very different from Aphex Twin’s kind of music. Obviously, these songs have lyrics. 
This is the place where Everything In It’s Right Place and Kid A differ. Everything In It’s Right Place has some very bizarre lyrics like “Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon”, and it also has a chant-like quality to it, with Thom repeating many phrases.
Kid A’s lyrics do repeat, but not as much as Everything In It’s Right Place, and they also almost feel poetic sometimes, “Standing in the shadows at the end of my bed”.
The vocals in both songs still feel like just another instrument, with all of the editing on Thom’s voice making it blend in to all of the other electronics playing.
However, why are these two songs so high in the list? I don’t know, they work well at setting up the dystopian post-apocalyptic atmosphere of Kid A (the album). 
Thom has said that the name “Kid A” comes from the idea that the first cloned baby will be named “Kid A”.
40. Black Star:
The Bends is an interesting album in the context of Radiohead’s discography because it works pretty well as just a fun, radio friendly, rock album.
This song is a good example of this. 
It’s a breezy tune with a fun hook, a catchy melody, and a pleasant and bright guitar.
This is a song you can bop your head and sing along to.
I like the intro, where the sound moves towards us.
I also like the way the guitar very seamlessly moves between different levels of distortion and tone. Thom’s vocals do something similarly, with him being much more nasally on the choruses.
You can also tells there’s a lot of chemistry between the band in this song, with the drums and guitars working together perfectly.
39. You And Whose Army?:
The beginning of this song is wonderfully despondent. Filled with that feeling of drowning in wind which Radiohead often has. I like the wavers in the background vocals. The effects being added to Thom’s voice at around the minute and a half mark is neat.
This is the start of the song's buildup. The introduction of the drums and then the piano are both fittingly bombastic, and they continue the energy as they build into this crescendo. Thom’s voice communicates a very specific emotion which I can not describe. 
Overall, this song does a good job of slowly building up and then finishing with a nice little coda, even though another song on Amnesiac does it with much more pizzazz.
38 Glass Eyes:
This is really fucking sad. Thom’s voice is rich with hopelessness, as is the piano and the strings.
I don’t know how music can be more despondent than this. 
37. There, There:
The most memorable aspect of this song is the drumming. It’s neat.
The guitar is also pretty fun, and Thom is pulling out all of the stops with his voice, yelping and squealing and mumbling. The guitar solo is also a real headbanger. 
This whole song is just fun. I guess it deals with alarmism and conspiracy theories. The line “Just because you feel it doesn’t mean it's there” can be taken to mean that sometimes you imagine monsters and demons in the shadows.
36. Daydreaming:
Sad.
Despair.
Desolation.
The two and a half minutes outro of this song is a journey through an ethereal soundscape of extreme despair. The synths and violins combine to create something completely unique. Oh, there’s also those creepy distorted back-tracked vocals at the end. They sound like the snorting of a bull.
Even before that, this song still feels like the most depressing flight through the clouds. It’s fittingly dream-like, but it’s the saddest dream ever. Have I mentioned that this song is sad?
35. Burn the Witch:
The strings in this song are fun as hell. They’re very frenetic and angry, which clashes heavily with Thom’s almost calm vocals. It sounds like his voice is floating above the chaos occuring on the ground.
This song is kind of weird in how its subject matter differs so much from the rest of A Moon Shaped Pool, being kind of political. 
The outro of this song is pretty phenomenal, with the strings all building up into this cavalcade of shrieking, like a mob of people screaming for a witch to be burned, only to then suddenly cut off.
34. Morning Bell/ Amnesiac:
Morning Bell is a very bright song, with the bells making it sound almost Christmas-y. 
There’s a very consistent, very simple, feeling to the beat, making it feel like a march.
This song also does a fantastic job at merging acoustic and electronic elements, with the rhythm guitars and synths blending perfectly.
I also love the way Thom’s voice rises when he says “Release me”. 
I kind of already explained why I think this song works in the review of the Kid A version.
It is through all of those methods that this song manages to communicate these feelings of it being morning and there being a bell and being an amnesiac so clearly.
33. Faust Arp:
Like pretty much every other song on In Rainbows, I don’t know how they managed to make this song so beautiful. 
Faust Arp has a uniquely awkward feeling. There’s a strained feeling to it, like a relationship that was once full of life, but is now empty and tiresome. Thom’s voice is gentle and contemplative, and it meshes well with the exquisite violins.
I often think about the way Thomas of York says the line “Squeeze the tubes”, and I don’t know why. I’ve always taken the line “Squeeze the tubes and empty bottles” to be about how the people in this relationship are trying to squeeze love out of it that is no longer there, like someone squeezing a tube of toothpaste because there’s barely any there.
The violins in this song are simply overwhelming. They contrast heavily with the guitar. The guitar is bright and has a staccato rhythm, while the violin is deep and flowing.
32. In Limbo:
Now this is a song which feels like an out of body experience. 
This song, like many of the other songs on Kid A, transports you into another universe. 
There’s a sort of strange ominous feeling to this song which I can’t describe. I also don’t know why it sounds ominous. Maybe it’s the rhythm, which feels kind of off. 
Maybe it’s the way Thom and the guitar are in sort of a conversation with each other, exchanging melodic passages. Maybe it’s the wall of sound in this song. Maybe it’s the seemingly random flourishes of weird electronic noises.
This ominous feeling comes to a head at the end of this song, with all the…well, whatever it is, backwards vocals? I don’t know, but this horrendous noise starts out soft and quiet before taking over the entire song. Radiohead really likes doing that, like with Karma Police, which also has electronics which slowly devour the song until they are all that remain.
This song also works really well in the context of Kid A, as the beginning sounds very similar to Optimistic, the song before, while the electronic screeches at the end take us perfectly into the following song, Idioteque. It’s neat.
A:
31. Street Spirit/Fade Out:
Now That’s What I Call Haunting.
I appreciate this band’s love for arpeggios.
The vocal melody of this song is also something else entirely. 
Of course, Thom embodies his vocals with the usual complete lack of hope.
There’s also a rather paranoid feeling to this song, with a very anxious feeling to it.
The atmosphere of this song is as dark and moody as they come, conjuring images of walking along a street alone at night in my head.
30. Down Is the New Up:
This is a very fun and groovy song from In Rainbows Track 2. The piano has a nice texture to it, and the beat is fun to dance to. The violins add a really great sense of urgency and epicness, especially on the chorus, which sounds like it’s the most important thing ever.
Thom almost sounds like he’s having fun with the vocals, and that’s nice.
The melody goes down when Thome says “Down” and up when he says “up”. It’s very clever.
29. Codex:
This song uses the chaotic nature of Hail to the Thief to great effect. I love the way the piano in the beginning sort of fades in and out. It’s like a scene in a film where a character is waking up and the camera blurs and blurs.
The whole song is also very pretty in a very hazy way. It feels like you’ve just woken up, and all of the lights are a little too bright, all the sounds a little too loud, and you can barely put one thought in front of the other.
Thom is also giving us another banger with his vocals. There’s so much pain and remorse in every word. He sounds defeated and deflated, just absolutely hopeless.
Also, I really like when Thom goes “oooooo”, and that happens in this song.
There’s also a horn section in this song! And the horns are as filled with pain and remorse as Thom’s vocals. The composition in this song is  extraordinarily beautiful overall, using all sorts of inversions to create that dark and ethereal sound which we all love the band for.
I need to say more.
Calling this song “sad” seems like an understatement, because lots of music sounds sad. The sadness in this song echoes in your soul. I know that sounds insane, but that’s because I am insane. However, I am correct.
This is what regret sounds like, what despair sounds like, what the deep pain of existence sounds like.
Okay, that’s enough.
28. Man of War: 
Listening to OK/NOTOK is a strange experience, as we go from the bland and dry “I Promise” to the lively and emotive Man of War. This song is everything “I Promise” is not. First off, there’s an actual build, with that first chorus hitting soooo hard. The song actually travels through a variety of different moods and textures. There’s also actual emotions being communicated through the compositions.
Also, that guitar solo is just straight up sick. It’s got this feral intensity delivered with such control and precision, really selling this feeling of maddening desolation. 
This song has so much going on, but it's all placed so intricately, so it never feels messy, everything is in its right place. 
The lick at the beginning does a great job at setting the mood of the song, and the way the other pieces of the song slowly pile on is reminiscent of Exit Music for a Film. The end, which has that dark drone mixed with these little sparkles, has such a great space-y vibe. Also, the lyrics are both vibrant and abstract “I’ll bake you a cake, made of all their eyes” and “But drunken confessions and hijacked affairs will make you more alone” and “From poisoned cloud to poisoned dwarf”.
The vibes of this song are just so perfect. It has always stuck with me the way the vocal melody kind of flops around at the beginning, and the way Thomas York Terrier sounds so defeated as he says them.
27. Give Up The Ghost:
The use of looping in this song works very well to sell this feeling of being haunted by the demons in one’s head.
This song is simultaneously painfully human and very inhuman. 
There’s parts where his voice barely sounds like a human voice, especially when he’s singing “Don’t hurt me”.
However, there’s also a very genuine emotion within his voice. 
The effects soaking one half of his vocal performance make the other half of his vocal performance sound all the more human.
The extremely simple guitar played on repeat should get old, but it actually works really well as a base for the rest of the song, which is mostly taken up by Thom’s voice. At this point, he feels extremely confident in what his voice can do, and he knows exactly how to use it. 
This song is much more stripped back and simple than the rest of the King of Limbs, and as such, the emotions come through a lot more. I also think it helps sell the hypnotic affect more.
26. True Love Waits:
It’s honestly astonishing how sad the song sounds right from the beginning. The first four notes contain more heartbreak and despair than entire albums.
And, it just gets sadder from there.
The emotion in this song is extraordinarily genuine. There are a lot of songs about heartbreak, and there are a lot of genuine songs about heartbreak, but I think there are very few songs which manage to communicate what it feels like.
The lyrics of this song are a never ending kick in the balls. “I’m not living, I’m just killing time.” 
Even the lyrics which are less jaw-droppingly beautiful, like “Just don’t leave, don’t leave” still hit, just because of the emotion in Thom’s voice. This might be his best vocal performance. Sure, there are songs which have more technically impressive vocals in them, but none of them match the sheer amount of heartbreak he manages to push into every syllable.
I also love the bright, very unstable piano playing throughout this song. It sounds like sparks flying from a fire. 
I don’t think I need to tell you this, anyone who listens to this song can tell that it’s the saddest thing ever.
25. Karma Police:
This song is immediately gripping. The rhythm guitar in the intro sounds so intense and haunting.
From there, the song can only go up. I like how sassy the piano sounds during the chorus, and I also like the way Thome sighs when he says “When you mess with us.” 
Really, this whole song has a very strong personality. Sure, it’s an evil and threatening personality, like that of a police officer in a dystopia, but it works. 
I also like the ending, with the way the blooping and bleeping technology slowly takes over like an evil virus, or like society slowly being taken over by authoritarianism.
Not only that, but the background vocals in this song are nice. They sound so innocent, and the sort of beauty clashes so jarringly with the boops and bops. It’s kind of a perfect metaphor, this innocent purity slowly being pushed out by this harsh noise, like childhood making way for adulthood. I also like how there’s a random piano note near the end.
What else, oh, yeah, the lyrics. There’s a sort of mystery to them which is impossible to solve. What is a Hitler Hairdo? Who knows. It helps that the song displays these weird lyrics with so much confidence and seriousness, you almost forget that they’re kind of silly. I guess that’s the point.
24. The Daily Mail:
This is a single released in 2011. 
Opening piano? Full of pain. 
Thom’s vocals? Gentle yet full of regret.
The way Thom sings “Singins weeeee’re”? Fuckibg floors me. 
The way the piano gets just a little bit more intense along with Thom’s voice before it gets a lot more obviously intense?
The way the song builds? Perfect. 
The part where the song gets all fun and Thom sings “Hey, hey, hey”? An absolutely funky delight. I love the crunchy electric guitars.
The light touches of strings near the end? Hell yeah.
This is a song which sees Radiohead having a full understanding and mastery of their craft. This is a big, over-the-top song that never feels cheesy because Radiohead knows when to reel it in and they know how to still fit subtlety in.
23. Desert Island Disk:
The guitar line of this song stands out from the beginning, as it has a quality unlike any other Radiohead song. I feel like describing it as “middle eastern” would be a dumb thing to say, but that’s always my first thought.
The unique timbre of this song is probably why I like it so much.
I also like the way Thom’s voice increases in energy throughout the song. There’s a desperation in his voice when he sings “You know what I mean” towards the end which sounds very genuin.
22. Decks Dark:
The lyrics are also instantly gripping, 
“At the end of your life, there comes a darkness
There’s a spacecraft blockin’ out the sky.”
I also like the sparkling whatever in the background during the verses. It sounds like what soda tastes like.
I love the haunting background vocals during the chorus, and the weirdly catchy vocal melody.
Basically, this song has everything I like about Radiohead.
21. Knives Out:
I don’t know what is going on with Knives Out, but I like it. The rhythm sounds funky, and I don’t know why, but it’s fun to listen to. I would say it’s in a weird time signature, but this site says it’s 4/4.
https://pastebin.com/Hf04Q6Ym
A theme throughout Amnesiac is a failure of human connection, a lot like In Rainbows. “Life In A Glasshouse” deals with the paranoia of others judging you. “You And Whose Army?” is a declaration of anger, and “Knives Out”...well, I guess there’s a lot of different ways to interpret it. I’d say that the narrator is basically a paranoid voice in someone’s head, saying “He’s not coming back” as a way of saying “No one else cares about you” and ordering them to take their knives out, meaning “Lash out at everyone so you don’t get hurt”. However, I could just be making stuff up.
20. Sail to the Moon:
This song is fascinating from a composing sense. There are five or so different time signatures and the key is “Have fun!”.
As a result, this is a very jazzy sounding song. It’s also fucking beautiful. That opening piano is just transcendent, making me feel like I’m floating through space, with the addition of the synths in the background just adding to the effect. 
Then, Thom starts singing, and he’s giving one of his most emotional performances. This song was written for his kid, and you can hear the love in his voice.
This song is about the kind of world we’re leaving behind for the next generation, so there’s also a lot of fear and anxiety in Thom’s performance.
Despite “Hail to The Thief” being a very cynical album, this is a very genuine and hopeful song… or is it?
“Or in the flood, you’ll build an ark and sail us to the moon.” seems like a sweet sentiment, saying “Hey, maybe you’ll make things better, I believe in you”. However, you can also read it as being tongue-and-cheek, with Thom saying “We shouldn’t be leaving all this pressure onto you.”
As someone who grew up in a progressive community in the 2010s, I constantly heard the sentiment of “Hey, the world sucks, but your generation can fix it.” It was a nice sentiment, but it also felt like a lot of pressure. 
Note how the lyrics say “Sail us to the moon”, meaning “Hey, you’ll save all of us”.
Maybe this song is saying “Hey, you shouldn’t have to fix it. This is a tragedy. We shouldn’t have screwed up.” After all, this song definitely doesn’t sound hopeful. It sounds despondent.
Or, maybe I’m just reading into it too much. Basically, what I’m saying is, this song has a lot to analyze.
19. Subterranean Homesick Alien: 
I keep talking about the sound of the music, mostly because…well, duh. But, it’s also hard not to appreciate some of the fantastic lyrics on this stuff.
Subterranean Homesick Alien is probably some of Radiohea’s best lyric writing, 
“The breath of the morning, I keep forgetting, the smell of the warm summer air.” Is a perfect opening line, introducing us to this despair filled location. 
The lyrics go on to paint a portrait of a poor small town which feels like a black hole, the kind of place Bruce Springsteen would sing about.
It’s clear that the aliens in this song represent this fantastical escape from this grey and boring reality. I’m sure many of us can relate to looking up at the stars and dreaming of leaving this grey world behind for a fantastical land of aliens.
I also like the line “Up above, aliens hover, making home movies for the folks back home.” It’s such a perfect mixture of poetic and casual language. The lyrics sound like something a depressed friend of yours would say as you smoke cigarettes behind a Walmart on a cold Tuesday morning.
The song is also sonically fantastic, having this breezy, desolate nature which feels like you’re drowning in wind. It kinda makes you feel like you’re also living in a town where you can’t smell a thing, and you’re watching your feet for cracks in the pavement. 
The lead up to the last chorus with that build which lasts for two seconds but feels like an eternity is just one tiny bit of brilliance in this tapestry of awesomeness.
18. The Tourist:
This song has the same message as Billy Joel’s Vienna. Of course, Vienna sees Billy Joel being very kind and gentle while The Tourist just calls you an idiot.
I’m tired of saying the words “ethereal”, “pained”, “despondent”, “spacious”, “unearthly”, “pretty”, “beautiful”, and “haunting.” However, depending on how my mood is when I listen to The Tourist, the song can be half of those or all of those.
Just like Vienna, this is a song that feels like it’s speaking to me personally, even though it’s basically just the singer speaking to himself. 
What else, oh yeah,
“HEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MAAAAN SLOOOOW DOWN.”
Also, that guitar solo is filled with equal parts hope and dread. It might just be my favorite guitar solo in all of Radiohead’s discography. It’s not the most fun, but it’s the most emotional. 
This song is the perfect finale to OK Computer, wrapping up all of the themes. The entire album has explored how society is mind numbing, and turns us into robots, and how modern life is fast and makes us miserable, and how we’re dependent on technology while the lines between man and technology are blurring and a million other things.
Also, I love that ding at the end. It is the perfect way to end the album, and I can not say why. No notes.
By the way, while I don’t know if I’d say OK Computer is my favorite Radiohead album or even my second favorite, it does have some excellent pacing. We start off with a fun and energetic song, and then we get this perfect sequence of songs who all compliment each other’s energy. I love the way the second half of the album kind of mirrors the first half, with No Surprises being similar to Let Down and Climbing Up the Walls having a similar structure to Exit Music (For A Film).
I really can’t think of another way that this album could have been structured. Even Electioneering, a song that I put rather low, serves a good purpose to take us back to earth after Fitter Happier.
Those five British dudes sure know what they’re doing.
17. Optimistic-
 “Flies are buzzing around my head, vultures circling my head.” Is such a perfect opening line, setting the tone of the song very well. This song is the only one on Kid A which attempts to have a hook, and that hook fucking slaps. However, it still manages to have the unearthly sound of the rest of the album, with the spacey guitar and heavenly synths.
This song has an intensity to it, but it's a confused intensity, with Thome’s lyrics moving from despondent to, well, optimistic. There’s also the rumbling sound of the guitars on the chorus, and all of the dashes of reverb, which are all used with extraordinary precision. The outro is overwhelming in all of the best ways, being a storm of emotion. It’s like all of these elements featured at different times in the song are now all being tossed onto each other, and it manages to work perfectly. Did I mention how much this song slaps? This is a song you can just dance to, while still having extraordinary vibes.
16. Jigsaw Falling Into Place:
This is a very lively song. We have this stressed out guitar combined with these little electronic squeaks and the humming which somehow manages to sound haunting.
In Rainbows has a lot of playing around with rhythm, and Jigsaw Falling Into Place is no exception. As to what is going on with the beat, I can’t say. I know there’s a swing rhythm and a bunch of eighth notes.
The anxiety within the rhythm fits Thom’s vocal performance, which is filled with urgency and desperation. This is the kind of song which could play on a difficult level in an old video game.
Like many songs in In Rainbows, this song investigates human connection through the use of scattered images. 
We see two people bumping into each other on a street, “You eye each other as you pass. She looks back, you look back.”
This is very similar to Pink Floyd’ Echoes, which has the line “Strangers passing on a street, by chance two separate glances meet.”
However, my favorite line in this song is, without a doubt, “The walls abandon shape. They’ve got a Chesire cat grin.” Now that is a unique and creative visual.
Lots of songs in In Rainbows involve structures falling apart, like a house of cards. This is similar to how a relationship can fall apart.
Interestingly, you can say that this whole song is about one moment in time. The lyrics seem to set this place at a bar or restaurant “Just as the drinks arrive” where two people “Just as you write my number down”. The continually use of the word just really sets this song in a specific moment in time. 
Despite that, the lyrics bounce around in this one environment. We go from describing two people meeting to the walls melting to whatever “Before the night owl before the animal noises” means.
This sells the feeling of being in a crowded public place filled with music and conversations. The anxiety and desperation in the music helps sell this.
There’s also a lot of use of repetition in the lyrics, “Words are blunt instruments. Words are sawn-off shotguns.” Giving the lyrics a feeling of call-and response, as well as emphasizing every line. Somehow, this ads to the chaotic feeling, especially when there isn’t a repetition, like with the Chesire cat line.
The band were doing something similar in a lot of songs in Hail to the Thief, but I think it works better in In Rainbows, as they’re not just repeating the same phrase a hundred times.
15. No Surprises:
That riff, that riff, how does this one simple riff manage to sound so sad, yet so pretty, yet so dream-like.
Everything about this song makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry forever. No Surprises isn’t as creative as Karma Police, fun as Paranoid Android, or as powerful as Exit Music (For A Film). However, it has all of them beat in just being really depressing.
The most common interpretation of this song is that it is about a man killing himself through carbon monoxide poisoning in a car.
This song’s portrait of modern life is so bleak, so cynical, and yet, so real.
14. 2+2=5:
The song begins with a radio being tuned, as if we’re about to hear some government propaganda or whatever.
We then get this great beginning guitar line, equal parts sinister and paranoid.
“Are you such a dreamer, to put the world to rights?” is such a fantastic opening line. The narrator in this song is mocking the idealism he sees in others. He much prefers to be a gear in the machine and “to stay home forever, where two plus two always makes a five”.
I also love the way Thome’s voice vibrates, as if he’s trembling with fear as he says this.
This song has a very dystopian feel to it, because of course it does.
This song is also excellent at going through phases. The first phase is energized. The second part sees the guitar line changing and the synths coming in, and it feels like we’re slowing down. The paranoia is replaced with despair. Thome’s voice is less vibrating and more smooth. By the way, I love when he sings “You can scream and you can sound”, and I can not explain why.
However, this second phase is just the set up. The way the song explodes on the third phase is one of my favorite moments of Radiohead’s whole discography. The rest of the song just straight up slaps. I have to try not to bang my head to the frenzied beat. The lead guitar is shrieking, the vocal melody is catchy as hell, and the drums are just out of control. This part of the song is just plain fun.
This song is also, overall, one of the most explicitly political songs on the album, with the words “hail to the thief” being specifically about George Bush. 
Radiohead Ranking
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Here is a Rating of all of the Radiohead songs, from worst to best, and I mean all the Radishead songs, not just the album tracks.
F:
162. Palo Alto:
This is a song from OK/NOTOK
It might have Thom’s worst vocal performance. 
His voice is grating and obnoxious, making him sound like a sarcastic 8 year old. The mockery in his voice is reminiscent of one of the worst tracks off of Pablo Honey.
Everything about this song is brash and overdone. The electric guitars are over-the-top and also terribly mixed, being about five times as loud as Thom’s voice. The chorus to this song makes me want to vomit because we get these very simple, very distorted guitar parts just punching us in the face. There’s an impact on every beat, and it sucks. 
All of the electronics are similarly obnoxious and over-the-top as they randomly jump in and out of this song. I suppose the idea is that this song is chaotic and everything, but the electronics are also mixed way too high, so they always take over the song for the five seconds when they appear.
The idea of this song is that in society, we’re all busy all of the time, and that sucks. The song basically just says that. It’s not subtle.
It also doesn’t go any deeper than that. It’s extraordinarily surface level.
It also seems more like its mocking all of us who are in the predicament of living in modern society then it is at being angry at society or feeling bad for living in society. 
The song’s called Palo Alto and it mentions California, but it then does nothing with that.
There are a million songs and movies and TV shows and books about California, and Radiohead couldn’t think of one thing to actually say about Palo Alto- possibly because they are British and they’ve probably only been to California while on tour. Trust me, I’m from California. I’ve been to Palo Alto. There are things to say about it.
For one thing, the traffic is awful. Actually, that’s all of California.
Maybe this song is actually about traffic, as it makes me feel the same feeling that I feel when I’m stuck in traffic.
This whole song is just so extraordinarily on the nose in every aspect.
Did I mention how shitty this song sounds? The different instruments do not mix well together. It’s like the band members recorded all of their parts in different rooms and then slapped the recordings on top of each other.
The song starts off sounding extraordinarily messy, and it never stops sounding like it.
Everytime I listen to this song, I get a fucking headache.
Fuck this song. It is practically unlistenable.
161. Planet Telex (L.F.O. Remix): 
This is an unnecessary remix which is just grating on the ears. The synths are obnoxiously shrill and the chaotic mixing gets old after two seconds. This song is what electronic music sounds like to people who don’t like electronic music.
The drumming to this song is also obnoxiously simple, with an impact on every beat.
This song also makes it so that the only lines are “you can crush it” and “Oh”. 
It gets so tiring so very quickly.
This whole remix is basically what electronic music sounds like to people who don’t like electronic music.
160. How Do You?: 
Somehow, Thome Yorke’s voice sounds annoying on this track, coming off as really whiny, especially on the choruses. His voice is too nasally, too on the nose, and while he’s trying to sound angry and pissed-off, it comes across as disingenuous.
A very big problem is that the vocal melody is really happy, but Thom is singing it in a really angry way. This makes his vocals sound even more disingenuous. 
The whole song doesn’t seem to know what emotion it wants to be. I didn’t know why it felt so confused, so I did some looking up.
According to ultimate guitar.com, https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/radiohead/how-do-you-chords-58358
The chord progression on the intro is just “Amaj7sus2 A” on repeat. That’s a simultaneously very simple chord progression and a very complex one. It only has two chords, but one of these two chords is a rather jazzy chord, especially considering that it is being played on these very distorted guitars. When a chord like that is being played on a really distorted guitar, it will often sound very sludgy.
The chord progression on the verses is “A E F#m” , a pretty happy sounding chord progression, but the way the distortion is used makes it seem like the band wants it to be angry. 
The chord progression of the chorus is straight up bizarre, going “G Dsus4 A5 A” You don’t usually go from a sustained chord to a power chord in music. This probably explains why the chorus sounds especially strange. Sustained chords build tension, and 5 chords do the opposite. It’s also a circle of fifths chord progression, which means that D and G and A and D have the same relationship, and that relationship is a boring one.
However, despite having a very unique composition, this song somehow manages to sound extraordinarily generic, which is impressive.  I think that’s because of the way the chords are used, using a boring beat and boring dynamics. The band is just going through the motions of standard grunge, without any sense of what emotion they’re actually trying to convey.
Also, the lyrics of this song are just plain inane. “And he was a stupid baby, turned into a powerful freak” sounds like something a teenager would say in a shitty 90’s kids cartoon.
While Radiohead has many lyrics which are confusing in an intriguing way, the nonsensical nature of these lyrics just comes off as stupid,
“He’s a dangerous bigot, but we always forget.” What? Huh?  How?
Also, that line comes right before, “And he’s just like his daddy.” I never want to hear Thom say the word “daddy” again.
I think the point of that line is to be mocking, as is the entire song. I don’t like that. Presumably, the person being mocked is the anonymous jerk the lyrics are describing, but when you hear a man yell in a snarky tone for two minutes, it sounds like he’s being snarky at you. Also, the song is very unspecific about why this person sucks. He’s a dangerous bigot, but we don’t know how he’s dangerous or who he’s bigoted against.
This song is garbage in every way.
159. Thinking About You: 
After years of shitting on Pablo Honey, music nerds across the globe have been re-evaluating the album, with many coming to the conclusion that it’s “not that bad”. Now, I can appreciate people changing their minds. However, I’m here to take a stand and loudly proclaim my own opinion, Pablo Honey is that bad. This is the fifth song on the album, and by the time I get to it, I’m already sick and tired. 
Anywhoo, this song is laughably dull. The rhythm guitar is so boring and generic, and for most of the song, we’re only listening to that and Thom’s singing, which is also pretty uninteresting.
And the lyrics? Whoo, boy…to start off with, “thinking about you” seems like the name of a parody of a pop song. Moving on, the lyrics lack the interesting imagery, the creativity, or the specificity which one wants in a song. The narrator says he’s thinking about someone, but why? What’s so appealing about this person? Also, why should we care? I can’t empathize with the narrator because I barely understand what’s happening. He broke up with someone, and this person is now more successful than him, even though it’s unclear what they’re successful at. The song is uninterested in actually telling us the story it is trying to tell. As such, it’s completely empty.
Not only that, but the lyrics are about a breakup, but nothing about this song communicates any form of sadness or anger. The composition doesn’t have any emotion, and Thom sounds pretty bored. While we assume the narrator of this song is sad about the breakup, we never see that in anyway. It’s not like “True Love Waits” where great pain is taken to describe how the narrator believes he is wasting his life and how hard it is to find hope.
Also, this song has a reference to masturbation in the lyrics, “Still see you in bed, but I’m playing with myself”. 
Now, there’s nothing wrong with that, that’s just something I wouldn’t expect of a Radiohead song.
However, somehow, even the reference to masturbation in this song is generic.
Other than that oddity, you can listen to just five seconds of this song and instantly tell everywhere it's gonna go. I don’t know what else to say, because I forgot everything else about it.
Oh, also, the hook in this song sucks, it’s barely a hook. 
D: 
158. Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors: 
I suppose I can congratulate this song on its artististry, but I don’t know what the artistry to making the worst sounding piece of music ever is. The way the vocals are high pitched makes it sound like you’re listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks on drugs. The layers and layers of distortion and bizarre effects just feel like the band was messing around on a music editing software for a few minutes. 
157. Transatlantic Drawl:
This is a track off of the Pyramid Song Ep.
This song is shit. The guitar gives me a headache.
Every instrument in this song is shrieking and sobbing and it’s just awful. There are all of these sounds whose origin I don’t know and I don’t care to find out, as they all sound like a drill very close to my ear. This song sounds like multiple drills near my ears.
This song starts at 100% and never lets up except when it does, randomly, in the middle of the song, where it suddenly becomes an ambient track. That part is…actually really cool. It’s eerie and weightless and it makes me feel like I’m an astronaut floating through space without a tether. I love the way it occasionally sort of fizzles, it’s really cool. It sounds a tiny bit like Treefingers or untitled off of Kid-A.
I feel like these two opposing halves average out to a D.
156. Faithless the Wonderboy:
This is a song included as the B side for Anyone Can Play Guitar. 
The verses of this song are calm and acoustic. 
However, when we reach the chorus, electric guitars suddenly jump in.
I think Radiohead were wanting the song to kind of explode into this frenzy. However, the choruses are not very frenetic. Also, the addition of the electric guitars is so abrupt, it sounds more like a jumpscare.
It also doesn’t help that the vocal melody of the verses are really repetitive.
In terms of lyrics, this is a song about a kid who’s jealous of other kids who have nice stuff, and also I think he’s being pressured into doing drugs but he “Can’t put the needle in”. The chorus is just Thom saying those words over and over again, so I assume there must be some sort of point to them.
The outro to this song also lasts too long, as it’s basically just a minute and a half of a pretty dry and uninteresting guitar solo that’s devoid of any real energy.
155. Stop Whispering: 
I kind of like the pre chorus to this song, where Thom sings “there’s nothing to say and there’s nothing to do”. The vocal melody is actually kind of nice, and Thom sounds alright.
However, that’s the only really nice thing I can say about this song. The rest isn’t even a generic grunge song, it’s a generic song, with uninspired instrumentals and a limp and watered-down hook which feels like it was bought off Walmart. The lyrics are so vague and uninteresting. The vocal melody everywhere other than the pre chorus is boring. The guitar solo in the middle is fun and energetic, but it also sounds like a million guitar solos I’ve heard before, and it’s also weirdly short, so it doesn’t even get the chance to build.
This song also does something a million songs have done before, slowing down as if the song is going to end, only to then spring back into action. Now, that’s been done amazingly before. However, the problem is that at this point, I just want the song to end. The part where the energy increases is supposed to be exciting, but it just feels hollow, as the excitement seems disingenuous. Thom barely seems to even care. He’s yelling in this part, but there’s no emotion in his voice. The guitar is loud and distorted and fast, but you need more than that for an exciting guitar part.
This song is also five minutes long. Now, that wouldn’t be a problem, but, as I previously stated, it sucks.
154. Coke Babies: 
With the name “Coke babies” you’d assume that this song would be silly. It’s not.
In fact, other than the name, this song is just nothing. I would say that the lyrics are little more than random strings of words, but that makes them sound too interesting. They’re “Easy living, easy hold/ Easy teething, easy fold”.
The instrumentals are basic and boring, except for the guitar which has some sort of effect applied to it that makes it sound like a car is speeding right next to you. It sounds awful.
153. Killer Cars: 
This is an early B-Side.
This song would not be notable if it weren’t for how loud and distorted it is. All of the beauty we would expect from Thome’s voice is gone as he screeches about cars.
The song is devoid of energy or any sort of musical ideas.
The hook is not even really a hook.
There’s this whole wall of sound thing going on with this song. That can work in some contexts, but with this song, it just means that everything mixes together into a tasteless mush.
This is not a song which is fun to headbang to.
Also, like many other early Radiohead songs, this one is too over-the-top.
However, the guitar solo has a fun, very angry energy to it.
152. Inside My Head: 
Inside My Head is a B-Side off of the Creep Ep.
The vocal melody is barely a melody. The sound is extremely generic, with a pretty generic guitar solo.
The lyrics of this song are about how the narrator is thinking about a person.
It feels like half of the lines in this song are just filler lines.
The rhythm of this song makes it sound almost like a new wave song, and that does not work well with Radiohead.
Also, at this point, Thom had not worked out what to do with his voice, being way to nasally.
151. Million Dollar Question:
This is a B-Side off of  the Creep Ep.
It’s another blandly composed song with no real musical ideas other than LOUD.
The lyrics of the song are about not wanting to go to work. It’s not exactly a profound statement.
150. I Can’t: 
I can’t think of much to say about this song.
The chorus of this song…yeah, sure. It’s nice, I suppose. It almost has a breezy quality to it. 
However, the whole song gets very tiring very quickly.
It’s got the same problem as other songs on Pablo Honey: uninspired composition and production, instrumentals lacking in creativity, dull lyrics, a lack of actual energy, angst that doesn’t feel genuine, and almost bored vocals. There’s no musical ideas.
149. India Rubber:
This is an early B side.
The drumming here has an interesting rhythm to it, even though it sounds too high in the mix at points. There’s also some extra percussion in the form of what I’ll just say is some maracas.
The biggest problem with this song is that I don’t know what it’s trying to do. It’s too harsh to be pretty, too abrasive to be pleasurable, and too low-energy to be fun.
I also hate the outro, which features someone laughing. I can’t explain why. It’s just so out of left field. Also, the laugh is an annoying laugh. This outro also sees a bunch of weird atonal meddling that feels kind of purposeless. I don’t know what the point of it is.
148. Maquiladora:
Uninspired, generic rock off of the High and Dry/Planet Telex EP.
Thom’s voice is annoying and there’s a lack of syncing with him and the guitars, as the two gain energy at completely different points.
147. The Gloaming (3.33333 Remix): 
This song is the Gloaming, but with the electronics turned up to extreme levels, making it sound like a large amount of machines are misfiring in my near vicinity while a 100 Gecs sound blares on a busted-up radio.
146. Lewis:
This song is off of the My Iron Lung Ep, and it has Radiohead’s worst lyrics. 
It’s about a man named Lewis who is about to kill himself. At least, I think it is. We get the lyrics “Don’t do it, don’t jump”. 
The song doesn’t seem all that sad about this. 
Honestly, other than that, this song doesn’t sound all that awful, even though it does feel messy, with these extremely frenetic guitars and drums all fighting for attention. 
145. Kinetic:
Despite being a very weird song, it still feels kind of calm, mostly because it lacks all energy.
It’s kind of repetitive and lacking in any emotions. It sounds more like an electronic jam session than a song.
144. Bones:
The problem with Bones is that it comes immediately after Fake Plastic Trees, which is a hard act to surpass. However, it would still suck anyways. In that way, it’s basically the Andrew Johnson of Radiohead songs.
Bones is a basic grunge song. Now, it may appear that I dislike grunge, but I don’t. However, Radiohead’s approach to grunge always feels so unexciting, and most of their grunge songs don’t really want to be grunge songs. Good grunge songs have this specific energy which exists even during the slowest of moments. However, Radiohead usually doesn’t have that energy, so they always sound unenthusiastic. There are a few exceptions, but Bones is an example of them failing.
All of the beauty one from Thom’s voice is gone and replaced by him yelping erratically. It sounds so annoying, especially when he squeaks, “WHEN YOU’VE GOT TO FEEL IT IN YOUR BONES!”
The guitar work just sounds sludgy, and the lyrics are just nothing. They’re probably about something, but I don’t care enough to think about it.
This song sounds like it’s trying so hard to be edgy and cool and harsh, but it just comes off as childish. This whole song feels like what goes on in a 14 year old’s head when…something.
Maybe that’s why it sounds like Thom’s voice is cracking violently.
143. Melatonin:
 This is a song off of OK/ NOTOK, and it’s called melatonin because it puts you to sleep. 
This song is too ethereal and too spacey. It’s massively overdoing it with the dreamy synths, I can barely hear Thome. The reverb and the effects layered onto the synth just make it feel way overproduced. It’s too ornate and too pristine. Where’s the edge? Where’s the tension? Where’s the emotional power? 
Oh, also, the drums don’t fit in with this song at all. They’re mixed in very strangely, making it sound like Phil just randomly started drumming.
Lastly, Thom is singing kind of weirdly on this song, sort of pausing between each word. He. Sounds. Like. This.
142. Planet Telex (Karma Sutra):
This song is trying to sound “Indian”-esque with the sitar and the drumming.
Instead, it ends up sounding like a Gong song if they sucked. It feels very cheesy.
I don’t like the effects on Thom’s voice.
There’s a part where I think this remix is trying to have a hook, but it just sounds like the song is randomly and abruptly changing what it sounds like.
This whole remix is pointless.
141. I Promise:
 Yaaaaawn. 
This is a track off of OK/NOTOK
The rhythm guitar is extraordinarily boring. The march-like drumming is rather unique, but it gets old extraordinarily quickly. The vocal melody is really simple, and so are the lyrics in general. The lyrics are basically the narrator saying that he’ll be better, and that’s not something that I find very interesting.
That’s fine, but it’s just that the whole song has so little going on in it. The part with the organ and the strings near the end is very pretty, but at that point I was ready for the song to end.
One of the other biggest problems with this song is that it has no real build or hook or anything, so it just kinda ends up feeling very dull and empty. It’s repetitive, that’s what it is. 
The only thing which threatens to break up the monotony is the part with the strings and the organ, which serves as the climax of the song. However, it starts very quickly and goes away just as fast. It also really doesn’t communicate any kind of emotion, it just sounds sort of pretty.
140. Dollars and Cents:
The intro to this song sounds like “Knives Out” played very quietly. Then, we get this violin which sounds, for lack of a better term, too loud. Thom, for some reason, is deciding to sing as quietly as possible. It sounds like he’s holding back, never really letting his voice actually soar. There’s a part near the end where different tracks of him singing are stacked on top of each other, and it just sounds like a giant mess. The whole song feels kind of messy, like a bunch of random ideas are just being squished together, with the violins and synths and drum and guitar and vocal harmony just stepping on each other instead of working together. There’s no sense of structure or movement. It goes from semi-ethereal one moment to semi-harsh the other moment, with no real rhyme or reason. 
That could have worked to create a storm of storm-like affect, but the vocals sound so muted, as does the guitar, so the whole song feels restrained.
This song has no core, no central musical idea or instrument holding everything together. It’s like a cookie baked without eggs.
What were they even trying to do with this song? Were they hoping to have some sort of atmosphere or vibe, or were they wanting it to be funky and danceable? I don’t know, because the song just doesn’t do anything. It feels…kind of half-assed. I’m sure Thom put a huge amount of effort into the vocals on this track, but I can’t tell because his singing is so reserved and so emotionless. I don’t think even he knew what kind of emotion this song was supposed to express. Also, there’s some vocal affect placed on his voice which buries any human aspect that could arise.
139.  I Am Citizen Insane:
This is just harsh and grating electronics for 3 minutes. If you like that sort of thing, then you’ll love I Am Citizen Insane.
138. Pop Is Dead
This song doesn’t suck. I like the beginning with the cool jazzy guitar and the sweet vocal melody.
Then, the drums kick in, and man oh man are they way to loud. It’s another case of Philip putting emphasis on every beat, and it sounds utterly atrocious. The rythm guitar is similarly abrasive and over the top.
However, the whole thing is over-the-top, so brash, so absurd, it’s kind of funny. The lyrics are bizarre. It’s like the band is making fun of pop music, but also they just are not.
The only complaint this song leverages against pop is that it is “dead”, and it don’t even explain why it thinks that.
137. Feral: 
Much has been said criticizing the sound of “The King of Limbs”, which I must admit, is an album with an awesome title. While there are many compliments to be given to “The King of Limbs”, Feral pretty much embodies all of the negative aspects of the record. There is simply too much going on. 
The drums stacked on top of each other feel…well, Feral, but they also sound like a bunch of random nonsense, like a bunch of people who don’t know how to play drums are randomly improvising. Now, this couldn’t be further from the truth, the drumming is very precise, with all these crazy polyrhythms and everything, but that’s what it ends up sounding like. While this song is technically impressive, it’s too technical, losing any chance of communicating some sort of emotion. All of the weird stuff going on with the looping and the effects just feels like one giant mess. There’s no emotionality to this song, no sense of atmosphere, because it's all lost within this massive jungle of weird noises. 
The sad fact is, there’s such a thing as being too complex. Sometimes, having a strong key center can mean your song fits in well with a vibe because the audience’s ears can recognize the song as minor or major or phrygian. However, if your chord progressions sees you going from an Emaj7#4 to a F7b2 to a F#m7, then the song is just gonna sound like nothing (that’s the chord progression for Aja by Steely Dan by the way, I was too tired to look up the chords to this song).
C-:
136. How Can You Be Sure?:
This song is kind of bland. The drumming is boring, and it takes up most of the space in the mix, as is the rhythm guitar, which is devoid of any interesting texture. The vocal melody is uninspired, and Thom is doing nothing with his voice.
There’s also an organ in this song, but you can barely hear it and it’s bland and emotionless anyways.
The hook in this song just doesn’t work. 
This whole song is just devoid of emotionality or atmosphere.
The lyrics are this usual generic breakup song routine.
This song also has an outro which is way too long, and serves no purpose at all.
135. Where Bluebirds Fly
This song is similar to I Am Citizen Insane (being from the same EP) but the electronics at least kind of create a sense of atmosphere. It does sound a bit like the band aren’t just randomly improvising and are attempting to create a cohesive song.
It still hurts my ears, however.
135. Fast Track: 
The weird, sharp, hissing quality of this song is, at the very least, unique. It sounds like hell, and I hate listening to it, but I have to admit that it sounds awful in a way which no song has sounded awful before. The sound is also a lot more calm and a lot less shrill than the first half of Transatlantic Drawl
Fast Track also does imitate the vibes of commuting in a city fairly well, with the random voices coming in and out and all these sounds coming and going like people and vehicles passing us. There’s a whirlwind quality which I have to commend the song for. I still don’t like listening to it.
134. Molasses:
This song has a weirdly ragtime quality to it. There’s no piano, but the electric guitar sounds like it’s playing a classic ragtime quality, and Thom’s kind of bouncy vocals add to this.
As a result of this, the song sounds whimsical in an annoying way. 
There’s also whatever happens after the end of the two verses. There’s this intense drumming and weird electronic riff. 
The biggest problem with this song are the lyrics. The first line is, “Shake hands.” Okay, that’s a good line. The next line gives us, “Genocide”. Oh, well, that was a turn. Then, the line after that is “Molasses.” What? Huh?
Also, they say the word genocide twice in the same song. The first time it doesn’t even rhyme with anything, and then the second time it is rhymed with “fat houseflies”.
This whole song is just a shit post.
132. You:
The opening guitar line to this song is actually quite pleasant, and I like the way it continues a bit even after the other shrieking guitars come in.
The guitar work overall on this song is actually quite fun, with a great sense of energy.
Thom’s vocals are definitely not his best. He sounds like he’s putting on a voice and also holding back in a lot of places. Even the part where he lets out this sort of yell feels a bit underwhelming.
The guitar bit which serves as the hook to this song is also quite nice the first time you hear it, but by the third chorus, it’s just tiring.
The lyrics to this song are also pretty plain, not really saying anything.
Overall, this song isn’t bad, but it’s also pretty disposable.
131. Backdrifts: 
The electronics in this song are kind of boring. They’re repetitive, emotionless, and hollow sounding. As such, this song has no sense of atmosphere. It just sounds like a lot of crinkling and cracking and glitching. 
I wouldn’t mind it that much if the song was short, but it goes on for almost six minutes, and I’m tired of it by the third minute.
This is also another song where Thom’s vocals are too muted and reserved.
Also, this song has no sense of dynamics, never increasing in intensity or volume. It starts out as one emotion, and then never changes the emotion.
130. Up On The Ladder:
This is a track off of In Rainbows Track 2.
Yawn. Musically, this is a very boring song. The electric guitar is dry, repetitive and uninteresting. It also does not mesh well with Thome’s vocals at all. The backing synths are also pretty bland, sounding like free stock audio you can put in a home sci-fi movie.  That made no sense. Whatever. You see what I’m saying.
Lyrically, this song is weird, referencing Doctor Who. Other than that, they’re just as boring as the rest of the song. Not only do they say very little other than “I’m not happy” they’re devoid of any interesting imagery or worldplay or anything to make them remotely memorable.
129. Hunting Bears:
This song is just some simple guitar playing with a really weird and harsh distortion effect added to it, at least, I think it is.
I guess it serves as an inter-whatever…but like, does it? Amnesiac could have gone from Dollars and Cents to Like Spinning Plates, and it would have been fine. 
129. Paperbag Writer:
This song is cool before the electronics kick in, as there are some unsettling strings and unique percussions that create a sinister atmosphere.
However, all atmosphere is lost when the electronics come in, as they have this very annoying snapping quality that I do not like. They are also way too loud.
The guitar also sounds like a robot farting.
128. We Suck Young Blood:
Perhaps I’m being too harsh on this song. It does sound…well, nice. The chord progression is very pretty, and the piano playing has an ethereal quality to it (get ready for me to say the word “ethereal" a bunch more times). However, this song is a one trick pony sonic-wise, and this trick gets old very fast. We begin in this hazy dream-like state, we continue in that state, and then we end in that state. It doesn’t help that Thom is singing liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis throooooooooooughout. It takes him half a minute to say a single line. It gets even worse by the end because Thom begins to make his voice all scratched up. He sounds like he’s trying to impersonate a vampire when he says “We want the sweet meat”. It is extraordinarily silly.
Also, the clapping feels very cliched. 
Not only that, but this song hasn't aged well politically, at least for me. There’s nothing wrong with the messaging, the entertainment industry does take advantage of young people. However, the whole vampire thing connects this song with weird, anti-semetic conspiracies which have recently entered the public eye. Obviously, this was not intentional, and it’s really not the band’s fault, nor the fault of the song. 
It just makes it hard for me personally to connect with the actual message Radiohead wanted to send, especially because the song doesn’t say a whole lot more than “The entertainment takes advantage of young people, draining them, and this is kind of like vampires.”
Not only is this a message we’ve heard before, the song relies so heavily on this one metaphor and one observation, never making an attempt to explore it further. Also, the vampire/leech for society/entertainment industry/the government/capitalism  is an extremely common metaphor.
“We Suck Young Blood” is sort of a poor man’s “Welcome to the Machine”, a song wich doesn’t just stay on one metaphor and then drain it of all that it’s worth (see what I did there?). 
The final result is that “We Suck Young Blood” is a rather tedious song to get through, backed up by lackluster lyrics. 
127. The Gloaming: 
While the Gloaming is impressive from a technical standpoint, it’s still a rather dull affair. The backing beeps and bloops don’t communicate any real emotion. Not only that, but the song keeps feeling like it will build up to something, but it never does. Yeah, the band keeps on adding more instruments into the mix, but this never makes it feel like the song is increasing in energy or intensity, the song just goes from feeling empty to feeling messy, probably a result of all of the rhythmic shenanigans occurring. It’s definitely commendable that Radiohead were able to make this piece, but I generally skip it when listening to Hail to the Thief.
Actually, let’s talk about Hail to the Thief.
The Head of Radio is consistently interested in portraying emotions, and Hail to the Thief fits into that. While many of the songs are about investigating why certain political issues exist, many of the songs also capture what it feels like to experience these issues, like in “Wolf at the Door”.
The problem is, this means that their thoughts on politics can be rather vague, with it being unclear exactly what Radiohead dislikes. Something a song writing teacher told me was that good songwriting is specific, and I think that applies to this album, and also specifically this song.
Let’s look at OK Computer for a second. That album cites specific details about living in modern society which paints a specific portrait. There is a job that slowly kills you, and there’s a pretty house with a pretty garden.
Now, let’s look at this song. It makes the point that we should be aware of the problems, “Your alarm bells should be ringing”, and there is bad stuff happening right now, “It is now the witching hour.”
And, that’s about it.
The Gloaming doesn’t say anything specific, and as such, its lyrics ring hollow for me. 
Also, the best Radiohead songs are the ones who exist in their own worlds. Some songs on Hail to the Thief fit that description. Most notably, both “Wolf At the Door and “2+2=5” both take place in these surreal dystopian fairy-tale worlds. 
However, songs such as the Gloaming are definitely lacking in the world building department. The Gloaming doesn’t seem to be taking place in any reality at all. There’s very little imagery, and there really isn’t any sort of atmosphere.
Essentially, The Gloaming just sounds hollow and meaningless, especially in the context of the album it is on.
126. Meeting in the Aisle: 
This is another song from OK/NOTOK.
Similarly to We Suck Young Blood, the gloomy and ominous  vibes of this song are quite nice, but soon get tiring. 
The way the various instrumentation all fades together has a cool ethereal quality, but there are many moments near the end where the mix gets too crowded, and all of the colors just turn to mush. Obviously, they were trying to go with a crowded sound, but the crowded nature messes with the emotionality.
Still, when the song isn’t too hazy, it is quite pleasant to just soak up all the various sad instrumentation going on. Does it kinda just sound like hold music? Yeah, but it’s pretty hold music, and it also has that nice dystopian quality to it.
125. Morning Mr. Magpie: 
This song has the same problem as Feral. Once again, I can appreciate what the band were trying to do, and all of the effort and technical skill which went into making this song. However, once again, this song just comes off feeling like a mess, and a repetitive one at that, with the loops making it feel like we keep on going in circles through this weird haze of noise. There’s no human aspect to this song. 
This song also starts out very weird and is consistently weird throughout, making it all blend together. 
I guess the idea is that all of these loops are trance-like, but they don't feel like that to me. They just bore me.
There’s so much going on in every single second of this song, I just become numb to everything by the ten second mark. I have the same problem with Moulin Rouge.
124. Little by Little:
This King of Limbs song is a little less cluttered than Morning Mr. Magpie, so I guess that’s nice. Also, the almost out-of-key sounding guitar is a neat touch, and the percussion is some sort of instrument that I don’t think I’ve heard before.
Also, it’s usually at this point in my King of Limbs listening that I get a headache. My brain is already chaotic enough, it does need the sonic equivalent of ten shots of espresso.
C:
123. Gagging Order:
This is another B-Side from the Hail to the Thief era.
The acoustic guitar has a sweet, clean sound to it as a result of the simple composition. 
However, this song is just Thom’s voice and the acoustic guitar. Despite that, Thom is doing his usual soaring vocals, and they kind if clash with the very intimate guitars.
Also, the lyrics are about nothing, and they aren’t even pretty nonsense. I suppose the vocal melody is much more important, but the melody is pretty basic. It feels like Thom thought of a nice guitar bit and then quickly slapped some lyrics to go along with it.
124. Anyone Can Play Guitar:
The lyrics of this song are one of the more interesting on Pablo Honey, I guess. It’s about wanting to be famous (I’m assuming) and the cult we have around famous rock stars.
It’s also kind of funny that Thom says he wants to be Jim Morrison, a singer who did not play guitar.
However, musically, it’s just whatever. The melody is fairly catchy, I suppose, and the guitar backing is rather unoriginal but still enjoyable. The guitar solo is also fun even if it doesn’t communicate anything.
125. Ripchord:
This song is alright. The lyrics are about the failure of missing out on life, realizing there’s no way out after you’ve jumped from the plane. That’s something fairly interesting.
The drumming on this song is also quite nice, with a fun frenetic energy to it. Thom also seems to be having some fun with his vocals, especially during the chorus.
Plus, the guitar is gleefully angsty and melodramatic in a way that feels rather untethered.
There’s a rather unconstrained feeling to the instrumentals, which I suppose is neat.
Unfortunately, it still feels pretty basic.
120. Sulk:
The beginning of this song has these very dystopian sounding fan- sounds that mix in very well with this guitar bit that sounds straight out of a midwest emo song.
However, after that, the instrumentals don’t do anything interesting, instead being rather repitive. As such, the chorus of this song is lacking in any sort of hook.
The very crunchy guitar solo is fun, even if it sounds like it could be the guitar solos to a million other songs.
The song is about being sad and how that sucks.
The lyrics are repetitive and unsubtle in that very early Radiohead way. The song never goes beyond that singular idea of being sad, nor does it explore this idea in any way.
119. The Bends: 
Why did they make this song the title track of The Bends? No, seriously why? I genuinely do not know, because this song is just so…eh. 
It’s your standard grunge song, something which wouldn’t be out of place on the previous record. 
The lyrics are also really simple, as “Oh, oh my baby’s got the Bends, I know” not being exactly Pulitzer-worthy material. I’m really glad that he felt the need to tell us that he knows.
Also, there’s the line “The planet is a gunboat in a sea of fear.” Wait, are aliens attacking us? 
But, what is this song about? Well, it’s about that feeling when you’re stressed and unhappy and you don’t like what is going on.
It’s not that deep.
There’s so little to talk about with this song.
118. I Am A Wicked Child: 
This is a B-Side from the Hail to the Thief era.
This is a rather cynical tongue in cheek song, very indicative of the nineties. This sarcasm is kinda cute, but also kinda annoying with how on-the-nose it is.
117. Bloom:
Remember everything I said about the other King of Limbs songs? That applies here.
However, I like the reverb on Thom’s vocals. Also, the bridge in the middle of the song is, dare I say, quite haunting, mostly because of Thom’s very pretty humming. He’s a great hummer. The beginning of the section reminds me somewhat of MK 1.
The end of that section is also fantastic, as it has a horn section. I fucking love horn sections. This horn section is drenched in reverb and all sorts of other effects, making it sound extraordinarily ethereal. 
However, it’s still not worth it.
116. Yes I Am:
This is one of the most interesting sounding songs on the Creep Ep.
The band are actually playing off each other very well, with the use of drums in this song being especially pleasant. 
Also, this song does have a build in it.
There’s a sense of constrained energy to this song which I quite like, with this energy slowly being released over the course of this song.
Thom’s vocals in this song actually have some emotion in this song.
Also, this song has two guitar solos. The first is definitely not anything new, but it does a very good job of communicating this very specific kind of anger which is within this song. The second is also definitely not anything new, but it is rather technically impressive and also distinct among Radiohead guitar solos, sounding kind of like a solo you’d expect from a hair metal song. It works well as a culmination of the build-up the song was working on.
The lyrics are pretty simple, about hating someone.
This song isn’t great, but there’s nothing it really does wrong, and the beat is rather fun. 
115. Stupid Car:
I’m starting to suspect Radiohead dislikes cars. Or, perhaps they like using them as metaphors for modern society, like how The Great Gatsby does.
Anywhoo, this song is off of the Drill EP. 
It’s very basic. It rhymes “car” with “far”. Comparing this song to The Great Gatsby is giving it way too much credit, as it’s more so using the car as a metaphor for a relationship that is going downhill… at least, I assume it is, with lines such as, “You put my brain in overload. I can’t change gear.” It’s not exactly brilliant writing.
However, you can’t say that Thom’s voice in this song isn’t pretty with the way it soars, and you can tell he’s trying very hard. However, the problem is, the vocals in this song are much more energetic than the rest of the instruments, which are just a rhythm guitar. 
Still, it’s nice to listen to Thom belt his lungs out.
114. Planet Telex (Hexidecimal Remix): 
Why are there so many remixes of Planet Telex? This song takes Planet Telex, a pretty fun yet quite average alt-rock song, and adds a bunch of effects which makes it sound very spacey.
It also extends the intro into the territory of “too long”. 
Also,Thom’s vocals don’t mesh well with the electronics, making this song feel very disjointed.
This remix is just kind of boring. There’s so much going on, but none of it is interesting, so it all sort of fades into nothing.
 113. Supercollider:
At seven minutes and one second, this is Radishhead’s longest song, and it’s a single they released in 2011.
Does it earn its length? No.
The electronics are repetitive and hollow, and
it’s got that weird rhythm that a lot of the King of Limbs songs have.
Also, despite being seven minutes and one second long, the song never really goes through any different phases.
The lyrics of the song are not even worth talking about.
112. Vegetable:
The clean guitar work on this song is fun, I suppose. 
At this point while listening to Pablo Honey, I’m just so tired of the album. Every song in this album is so similar. 
Lyrically, Vegetable is about being tired of not letting oneself get angry. I suppose that’s fairly interesting.
111. Prove Yourself: 
Man, they really like songs with instructional names.
Unlike other songs off of Pablo Honey, this song sees Thom actually put some emotion into his vocals.
This may just be a result of me listening to this song on an iphone, but I think the electric guitar may be too high in the mix during the chorus, as it kind of steps over Thom’s vocals.
Still, that guitar is quiet fun, as is the crunchy electric guitar solo. I also appreciate that the electric guitar changed tone and distortion levels during this song. That’s kind of the bare minimum, but oh well.
110. Worrywort and 109. Fog 
These two songs are off the Knives Out EP.
They are both nothing songs. The electronics aren’t grating, but they also have no real effect at all.
These songs seem to be trying to go for some sort of atmosphere, but they’re too sparse and too chill to create one.
There’s a tambourine in Fog. That’s the only really interesting detail. 
108. Pearly:
Despite being an OK/ NOTOK song, this would not sound out of place on The Bends, as it’s a pretty simple heavy rock song. It’s a good time, and I really like the way Thom’s voice is layered on top of itself, but it’s still not anything stellar.
This song does have some very fun, very frenetic drumming in it.
Overall, I could definitely see enjoying this song while listening to it in a burger joint with a big bar.
107. The Butcher:
This song is the B side to Supercollider.
Thom says the word “bitch” in this song, which I think is new for him.
It also stands out because this song had that King of Limbs sound, with the unstable rhythm, haunting humming, and unearthly electronics. It is for this sound, and the weird juxtaposition with the lyrics, that this song is this low.
106. Fitter Happier:
 It’s kinda hard to judge this song, as it’s not really meant to be picked apart on its own. Within the album, it serves its purposes. Everything I can critique about it is sort of the point. Yeah, the robotic voice is creepy, and yeah the music concrete is not nice on the ears, and yeah, don’t call me a pig. I guess I can critique it on the grounds of being very on-the-nose in a way that feels a bit…Reddit-y, I suppose. I know that’s a silly thing to say, since this is Radiohead of all bands, but that is the way it comes off. Yeah, society treats us like farm animals, what else is new.
However, at the same time, whatever. If we could only use completely unique metaphors, then 99% of all writers would be out of a job.
I like the line “No killing moths or putting boiling water on ants.” I can’t believe they don’t let us torture insects. We truly do live in a society. 
I do think some of the weirder instructions serve well to spice up the otherwise very unsubtle lyrics.
105. These Are My Twisted Words: 
This is the most Radiohead song Radiohead made. I don’t wanna say it’s like a parody, but it kinda is. It’s not bad, it just does what so many of their other songs do, the lyrics are despondent, Thome’s voice is high, the music is ethereal-ish. The only problem is, it doesn’t do any of this in a unique way. The lyrics aren’t anything special, and the song never figures out what it wants to be about. I guess it’s about songwriting and making music itself, but it doesn’t say anything about the process. Thumb York gives a nice vocal performance, but he’s not doing anything stellar with his voice, just singing in his unique way. The music does have a nice quality, but you can also find this quality by searching “ambient music for a rainy day” on Youtube.
104. Packed Like Sardines In A Crushed Tin Can:
Packed Like Sardines is a song with a lot of desperate elements which combine together to make nothing.
The song ends up feeling extraordinarily repetitive, with no change of mood or sense of building up or anything. The lyrics are also extremely forgettable, and Thom’s singing is way too reserved in this track. It sounds like he’s asleep, and the synths are also just as loud as he is, so his restrained vocals are buried.
However, I can admire the uniqueness of the song, as I really can not think of a single other song that sounds exactly like that. Despite that, the song just feels like nothing more than a novelty.
103. Myxomatosis: 
Myxomatosis is another song which just ends up feeling mostly hollow. The main guitar riff is pretty cool, but it gets tiring fairly quickly, as it’s not cool enough to be repeated a bazillion times, and once again, it’s pretty devoid of emotion. It also does sound a bit like a robot fart, and when the buzzing electronics are on top of it, it just sounds messy. When you pile distortion on top of distortion, then it sounds scratchy, and it really, really clashes with Thom’s vocals. By the end of the song, I was really sick of the electronics, which just gave me a giant headache. 
The best parts of the song is when the guitars cut out and we only hear Thome’s voice and the drumming, as the drumming is quite nice. Unfortunately, those moments are few and far between.
Also, this might be one of Thome’s most middling vocal performances. It’s too nasally, and the way he says Myxomatosis is almost, dare I say it, annoying. 
The lyrics…eh. They feel like a bunch of random ideas thrown together. Myxomatosis is reportedly a disease in rabbits, in case you were wondering.
The band also sound like they’re trying too hard to be edgy, as they’re basically saying “Oh, I’m a dangerous animal, I have a disease, I’m rapid, I’m going to attack you.” It reminds me of late-era Green Day lyrics, especially because it feels vaguely political, but it doesn’t really say anything or provide any insight into any issue. It just uses phrases like “used in a photo in Time magazine” which seem like they’d be political. However, there’s no actual point being made. Perhaps Radiohead is expressing something, but I don’t know what they’re expressing, and I don’t really know what emotion they want us to feel. 
102. Planet Telex:
“You can force it, but it will not come.” Is a very Radiohead-esque opening line.
Anywhoo, the guitar work on this song sticks out, using all sorts of effects to create this very chaotic feeling. 
I also really like the part where we hear a piano play, and the echo used is similar to the one applied to the guitar.
However, everything other than that is just “eh”.
 C+:
101. Lurgee:
This Pablo Honey song might actually be good. Both the vocals and the instruments actually manage to communicate an emotion. The guitar solo is definitely lacking energy, but that was definitely unintentional, as it works to create a feeling of despair. 
100. Blow Out: 
Blow Out is a pretty neat tune. Of all the Radiohead songs, this one sounds the most like a bossa nova record. There’s definitely a rather unique texture which sets it apart from the rest of the songs on Pablo Honey. Not only that, but the composition actually sounds interesting.
It’s also the most interestingly produced song on Pablo Honey, with multiple recordings of Thom’s voice being placed on top of each other. This is something that Radiohead would go on to do all of the time.
Unlike many of the other songs on that album, Blow Out actually has a vibe and an atmosphere.
Not only that, but this song also has some surprises, namely the ending, which has this guitar bit that sounds like ten thousand ghosts shrieking. It’s pretty cool.
It’s still not all that great, with the lyrics feeling rather flat and Thome’s vocals feeling stiff (I think that’s the best way to describe them, as it sounds like he’s holding back, hitting all of the notes, but not injecting much emotion into them).
The song’s lyrics are worthwhile, if rather one noted. They’re about feeling like the sadness in your life is inescapable. It doesn’t say that in the most interesting way possible, using a metaphor of turning everything into stone, but at least it’s saying something specific and unique.
99. A Reminder:
This is an interesting song off of OK/ NOTOK. The beginning uses field recordings and mixes it with these glistening ambient sounds. 
It’s very pretty.
Then, the guitar, drums, and Thon’s voice are added on to that, and at that point, the song starts to feel messy. 
The lyrics to this song are about how Thom wants this song to be a reminder of how he was once “cool” and full of energy and joy. Okay…that’s a neat idea, I guess.
The song also has a very abrupt end which is weird after its very languid beginning. 
98. Electioneering: 
It’s fine. There’s nothing Electioneering does wrong. The percussion with the…I think it’s a cowbell? Has a very playful quality I like, which matches with Thome’s almost mocking vocals and the kind of lullabye-esque vocal melody. The guitar line also has a really nice stinging quality to it. It feels harsh and angry, but also kind of euphoric and silly. 
However, like… whatever.  These elements are nice, but not memorable in any way. Plus, the lyrics don’t do much for me, as they don’t say a huge amount. The smartest observation is the “When I go forwards, you go backwards, and somewhere we will meet.” Like, yeah that’s what happens, society is moving ahead, and a lot of the young folk have progressive ideas, but we keep on getting these people with reductionist policies, and we then have to meet them in the middle. That’s something people don’t talk about a lot, and it’s said in a simple and eloquent way.
However, nothing else in this song says a whole lot. Yeah, politicians lie. That’s not a unique statement. 
Also, parts of the song are just the band listing a bunch of political terms, and that’s not political satire. What about voodoo economics? What even is that? Okay, I looked voodoo economics up, and it’s something George HW Bush said to mock Regan’s economic policies. Okay. That’s not very meaningful. That’s not meaningful at all. 
Also, while I complimented the way the cowbell matched Thom’s vocals, it does feel like the rest of the song does not match with his vocals. The guitar’s sound is so much more energetic than Thom on the verses, and even during the choruses, it still sounds like the band are recording from different worlds. Also, the cowbell does eventually go away. :(
This does add to the rather messy quality to the song. The band doesn’t really sound all that in sync, and it’s just overwhelming. I suppose that’s the point, but it gets tiring very quickly. My ears don’t know what to focus on, so all of these elements mix together into a glop.
97. Sit Down, Stand Up:
The album “Hail to the Thief” is notable because of how much repetition there is with the lyrics. Now, this can work, like with 2+2=5, where it sounds like a chant. It’s reminiscent of “The World is a Ghetto”, another very furious and cynical album.
Also, in today’s information age, it can feel like the same buzzwords are being yelled at us repeatedly. The repetition sells the feeling of being overwhelmed by issues.
However, sometimes the repetition can just get tiring, especially in the beginning of this song. It’s rather low energy, so it doesn’t feel like a chant, nor does it have the feeling of being overwhelming
However, I don’t dislike the beginning of this song. It has a dystopian, robot-like atmosphere, and the inclusion of the sparkling Christmas-y bells somehow manage to fit in well. I also really like the build up in the middle of the song. It sounds like a giant alien spaceship is slowly casting a shadow over the entire song. Yes, that is the metaphor I’m using. 
Of course, that buildup then sends us to Thom repeating “the raindrops” over and over. I don’t know what the meaning of that phrase is, and I kind of don’t care. I think the idea is that the vocals are just another instrument being used here. 
We also get this insanely frenetic drumming and squealing synth, and it feels like aliens are pouring out of the ship and shooting at us.
Despite being cool musically, super frenetic drumming like this gets tiring very quickly, just look at The King of Limbs. The overwhelming nature of it means that I soon just grow numb. 
It definitely doesn’t help that this part of the song lasts for a minute.
Maybe it’s just because this song comes immediately after 2+2=5, another song which starts off with a dystopian atmosphere and then explodes into violence. However, everything Sit Down, Stand Up does, 2+2=5 does with much more creativity and power, as I’ll talk about later.
96. Separator:
I feel like the drums in this song are too loud, and they kind of take over the rest of the song. Despite being very interesting rhythmically, the drums get rather tiring. 
This whole song is not really anything spectacular. There aren’t any musical ideas that I find particularly interesting, and it doesn’t make me feel anything.
I suppose the lyrics or some of the most colorful on King of Limbs like with, “Fallin’ off the giant bird that’s been carrying me” but it’s still not anything to write home about. A lot of the lines feel like they’re just filler, like with “If you think this is over then you’re wrong”.
It’s fine if the lyrics have no discernible meaning, but it would be nice if they’re still interesting.
That’s a problem I have with The King of Limbs overall, it’s an album that seems kind of uninterested in saying anything.
Obviously, there’s that vague feeling of sadness throughout the album
“So why does this still hurt?” (Bloom), “Now you’ve stolen all the magic/ took my melody” (Morning Mr. Magpie), 
However, it’s rarely concerned with dissecting this sadness. Occasionally, it will dive into the reason for the despair, like with “Routines and schedules, a job that’s killing you” in (Little by Little). However, that’s a “No Surprises”-esque line in a song which is definitely not “No Surprises”, as that line is the only line in the song about the idea. The rest is just abstract lyrics, “The last one out of the box, the one that broke the seal”. It’s not even very pretty abstract lyrics.
There’s a lot of references to relationships throughout the album, “You’re mine” (Feral). However, nothing is ever said about relationships.
There’s two exceptions to this.
The first is Lotus Flower. “There’s an empty space in my heart where the weeds take root” is a line which actually seems to make a specific statement: the absence of meaning in my life leads to my vices growing.
The second exception is “Give Up The Ghost”, as I suppose you could say it’s about being afraid of entering a relationship for fear of being hurt.
95. Like Spinning Plates:  
The story behind this song is cool, as it’s I Will being played Backwards.
It’s a cool concept.
The song definitely has an atmosphere, that atmosphere being a sense of haunting dread, soul-crushing horror, and unexplainable pain.
I don’t enjoy listening to it, but I don’t think it's meant to be enjoyed. 
Thome’s voice when he says the title does have a certain unexplainable quality to it, as does the rest of the song. 
94. Permanent Daylight:
This song is off of the My Iron Lung EP.
The guitar riff in this song is nice.
However, there’s a weird vocal effect on Thom’s voice that mutes it and makes it all garbled up.
Other than that, I don’t have anything to say about this song. It is a well-put-together piece of music that did not bore me.
93. Bulletproof (I Wish I Was):
“The Bends” is too long. It’s not the longest radiohead album or anything, it’s only 49 minutes. However, there are songs on it that didn’t really need to be on it.
Bulletproof (I Wish I Was) is an example of this.
Not only that, but this song comes after “Just” and “My Iron Lung” which are both very high energy, so it feels like a sudden plunge.
This isn’t a bad song, but it is very low-energy, and very languid.
In terms of positives, I like the sparkling guitar and overall breezy quality of the song, and Thom is doing his usual routine with the vocals.
It has everything you’d come to expect from a Radiohead song.
92. Staircase:
This is a B side from 2011.
It has a very nice bass which is fun to tap one’s feet too.
There’s a rather chaotic quality to it which is fun.
The violins are also a nice touch.
91. The Amazing Sounds of Orgy
This song is going on in all sorts of directions. The percussion is crazy, Thom is singing in the key of “existential dread” and the whole thing sounds like I assume the Phantom Zone sounds like.
This entire song is scary
The effects on Thom’s voice scare me. The reverberation on the drums is spooky. The quick screams of organs send shivers down my spine.
This song is about capitalism, I suppose. I guess it is the rich people who are having an orgy, and we are forced to listen to their amazing sounds. We truly do live in a society.
90. Bangers+ Mash: 
The opening to this In Rainbows Part 2 song sounds like the kinks “You Really Got Me Going” mixed with Bodysnatchers.
The coarse guitars and drums in this song are instantly gripping, and they fit Thom’s yelping delivery, but they lose their grip pretty quickly. In fact, all of this song really gets tiring pretty quickly. As nice as the guitars and drums are, they’re pretty repetitive.
The only time when this song changes up is during the bridge, which is honestly kind of annoying. The backing gets chill, but Thom’s vocals stay the same way, and it just feels jarring. They also add other bits of…something during the bridge, making it feel messy, and also, this song does that thing where the music abruptly cuts off and starts again, which is kind of a pop song cliche, despite this not being a pop song.
89. 15 Step:
15 Step is kind of an underwhelming way to begin In Rainbows. That electronic...thingee..is repetitive and gets old very quickly.
Also, the cheering crowd of kids is very random and adds nothing to the song. Seriously, what was the point of the cheering kids? 
Also, the lyrics are kind of “meh”, not really saying much. 
However, I do like how we get the line “you reel me out and then you cut the string.” This si because in Videotape, we get the line “And you are my center when I spin away.” These lines are basically opposites.
Not only that, but the last part of this song feels extraordinarily messy, with the vocals and the guitar and the electronic thingee stepping over each other.
88. I Might Be Wrong:
Out of all the Radiohead songs, “I Might Be Wrong” sounds the most like a “Black Keys” song. It’s got this slick, rock and roll riff and a danceable beat. 
However, it’s also just kind of empty. There’s no real sense of atmosphere or mood, and there are no musical moments in it that I find memorable.
I don’t have anything else to say, because there’s nothing else to talk about. 
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spammreviews · 3 months
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Radiohead Ranking
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Here is a Rating of all of the Radiohead songs, from worst to best, and I mean all the Radishead songs, not just the album tracks.
F:
162. Palo Alto:
This is a song from OK/NOTOK
It might have Thom’s worst vocal performance. 
His voice is grating and obnoxious, making him sound like a sarcastic 8 year old. The mockery in his voice is reminiscent of one of the worst tracks off of Pablo Honey.
Everything about this song is brash and overdone. The electric guitars are over-the-top and also terribly mixed, being about five times as loud as Thom’s voice. The chorus to this song makes me want to vomit because we get these very simple, very distorted guitar parts just punching us in the face. There’s an impact on every beat, and it sucks. 
All of the electronics are similarly obnoxious and over-the-top as they randomly jump in and out of this song. I suppose the idea is that this song is chaotic and everything, but the electronics are also mixed way too high, so they always take over the song for the five seconds when they appear.
The idea of this song is that in society, we’re all busy all of the time, and that sucks. The song basically just says that. It’s not subtle.
It also doesn’t go any deeper than that. It’s extraordinarily surface level.
It also seems more like its mocking all of us who are in the predicament of living in modern society then it is at being angry at society or feeling bad for living in society. 
The song’s called Palo Alto and it mentions California, but it then does nothing with that.
There are a million songs and movies and TV shows and books about California, and Radiohead couldn’t think of one thing to actually say about Palo Alto- possibly because they are British and they’ve probably only been to California while on tour. Trust me, I’m from California. I’ve been to Palo Alto. There are things to say about it.
For one thing, the traffic is awful. Actually, that’s all of California.
Maybe this song is actually about traffic, as it makes me feel the same feeling that I feel when I’m stuck in traffic.
This whole song is just so extraordinarily on the nose in every aspect.
Did I mention how shitty this song sounds? The different instruments do not mix well together. It’s like the band members recorded all of their parts in different rooms and then slapped the recordings on top of each other.
The song starts off sounding extraordinarily messy, and it never stops sounding like it.
Everytime I listen to this song, I get a fucking headache.
Fuck this song. It is practically unlistenable.
161. Planet Telex (L.F.O. Remix): 
This is an unnecessary remix which is just grating on the ears. The synths are obnoxiously shrill and the chaotic mixing gets old after two seconds. This song is what electronic music sounds like to people who don’t like electronic music.
The drumming to this song is also obnoxiously simple, with an impact on every beat.
This song also makes it so that the only lines are “you can crush it” and “Oh”. 
It gets so tiring so very quickly.
This whole remix is basically what electronic music sounds like to people who don’t like electronic music.
160. How Do You?: 
Somehow, Thome Yorke’s voice sounds annoying on this track, coming off as really whiny, especially on the choruses. His voice is too nasally, too on the nose, and while he’s trying to sound angry and pissed-off, it comes across as disingenuous.
A very big problem is that the vocal melody is really happy, but Thom is singing it in a really angry way. This makes his vocals sound even more disingenuous. 
The whole song doesn’t seem to know what emotion it wants to be. I didn’t know why it felt so confused, so I did some looking up.
According to ultimate guitar.com, https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/radiohead/how-do-you-chords-58358
The chord progression on the intro is just “Amaj7sus2 A” on repeat. That’s a simultaneously very simple chord progression and a very complex one. It only has two chords, but one of these two chords is a rather jazzy chord, especially considering that it is being played on these very distorted guitars. When a chord like that is being played on a really distorted guitar, it will often sound very sludgy.
The chord progression on the verses is “A E F#m” , a pretty happy sounding chord progression, but the way the distortion is used makes it seem like the band wants it to be angry. 
The chord progression of the chorus is straight up bizarre, going “G Dsus4 A5 A” You don’t usually go from a sustained chord to a power chord in music. This probably explains why the chorus sounds especially strange. Sustained chords build tension, and 5 chords do the opposite. It’s also a circle of fifths chord progression, which means that D and G and A and D have the same relationship, and that relationship is a boring one.
However, despite having a very unique composition, this song somehow manages to sound extraordinarily generic, which is impressive.  I think that’s because of the way the chords are used, using a boring beat and boring dynamics. The band is just going through the motions of standard grunge, without any sense of what emotion they’re actually trying to convey.
Also, the lyrics of this song are just plain inane. “And he was a stupid baby, turned into a powerful freak” sounds like something a teenager would say in a shitty 90’s kids cartoon.
While Radiohead has many lyrics which are confusing in an intriguing way, the nonsensical nature of these lyrics just comes off as stupid,
“He’s a dangerous bigot, but we always forget.” What? Huh?  How?
Also, that line comes right before, “And he’s just like his daddy.” I never want to hear Thom say the word “daddy” again.
I think the point of that line is to be mocking, as is the entire song. I don’t like that. Presumably, the person being mocked is the anonymous jerk the lyrics are describing, but when you hear a man yell in a snarky tone for two minutes, it sounds like he’s being snarky at you. Also, the song is very unspecific about why this person sucks. He’s a dangerous bigot, but we don’t know how he’s dangerous or who he’s bigoted against.
This song is garbage in every way.
159. Thinking About You: 
After years of shitting on Pablo Honey, music nerds across the globe have been re-evaluating the album, with many coming to the conclusion that it’s “not that bad”. Now, I can appreciate people changing their minds. However, I’m here to take a stand and loudly proclaim my own opinion, Pablo Honey is that bad. This is the fifth song on the album, and by the time I get to it, I’m already sick and tired. 
Anywhoo, this song is laughably dull. The rhythm guitar is so boring and generic, and for most of the song, we’re only listening to that and Thom’s singing, which is also pretty uninteresting.
And the lyrics? Whoo, boy…to start off with, “thinking about you” seems like the name of a parody of a pop song. Moving on, the lyrics lack the interesting imagery, the creativity, or the specificity which one wants in a song. The narrator says he’s thinking about someone, but why? What’s so appealing about this person? Also, why should we care? I can’t empathize with the narrator because I barely understand what’s happening. He broke up with someone, and this person is now more successful than him, even though it’s unclear what they’re successful at. The song is uninterested in actually telling us the story it is trying to tell. As such, it’s completely empty.
Not only that, but the lyrics are about a breakup, but nothing about this song communicates any form of sadness or anger. The composition doesn’t have any emotion, and Thom sounds pretty bored. While we assume the narrator of this song is sad about the breakup, we never see that in anyway. It’s not like “True Love Waits” where great pain is taken to describe how the narrator believes he is wasting his life and how hard it is to find hope.
Also, this song has a reference to masturbation in the lyrics, “Still see you in bed, but I’m playing with myself”. 
Now, there’s nothing wrong with that, that’s just something I wouldn’t expect of a Radiohead song.
However, somehow, even the reference to masturbation in this song is generic.
Other than that oddity, you can listen to just five seconds of this song and instantly tell everywhere it's gonna go. I don’t know what else to say, because I forgot everything else about it.
Oh, also, the hook in this song sucks, it’s barely a hook. 
D: 
158. Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors: 
I suppose I can congratulate this song on its artististry, but I don’t know what the artistry to making the worst sounding piece of music ever is. The way the vocals are high pitched makes it sound like you’re listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks on drugs. The layers and layers of distortion and bizarre effects just feel like the band was messing around on a music editing software for a few minutes. 
157. Transatlantic Drawl:
This is a track off of the Pyramid Song Ep.
This song is shit. The guitar gives me a headache.
Every instrument in this song is shrieking and sobbing and it’s just awful. There are all of these sounds whose origin I don’t know and I don’t care to find out, as they all sound like a drill very close to my ear. This song sounds like multiple drills near my ears.
This song starts at 100% and never lets up except when it does, randomly, in the middle of the song, where it suddenly becomes an ambient track. That part is…actually really cool. It’s eerie and weightless and it makes me feel like I’m an astronaut floating through space without a tether. I love the way it occasionally sort of fizzles, it’s really cool. It sounds a tiny bit like Treefingers or untitled off of Kid-A.
I feel like these two opposing halves average out to a D.
156. Faithless the Wonderboy:
This is a song included as the B side for Anyone Can Play Guitar. 
The verses of this song are calm and acoustic. 
However, when we reach the chorus, electric guitars suddenly jump in.
I think Radiohead were wanting the song to kind of explode into this frenzy. However, the choruses are not very frenetic. Also, the addition of the electric guitars is so abrupt, it sounds more like a jumpscare.
It also doesn’t help that the vocal melody of the verses are really repetitive.
In terms of lyrics, this is a song about a kid who’s jealous of other kids who have nice stuff, and also I think he’s being pressured into doing drugs but he “Can’t put the needle in”. The chorus is just Thom saying those words over and over again, so I assume there must be some sort of point to them.
The outro to this song also lasts too long, as it’s basically just a minute and a half of a pretty dry and uninteresting guitar solo that’s devoid of any real energy.
155. Stop Whispering: 
I kind of like the pre chorus to this song, where Thom sings “there’s nothing to say and there’s nothing to do”. The vocal melody is actually kind of nice, and Thom sounds alright.
However, that’s the only really nice thing I can say about this song. The rest isn’t even a generic grunge song, it’s a generic song, with uninspired instrumentals and a limp and watered-down hook which feels like it was bought off Walmart. The lyrics are so vague and uninteresting. The vocal melody everywhere other than the pre chorus is boring. The guitar solo in the middle is fun and energetic, but it also sounds like a million guitar solos I’ve heard before, and it’s also weirdly short, so it doesn’t even get the chance to build.
This song also does something a million songs have done before, slowing down as if the song is going to end, only to then spring back into action. Now, that’s been done amazingly before. However, the problem is that at this point, I just want the song to end. The part where the energy increases is supposed to be exciting, but it just feels hollow, as the excitement seems disingenuous. Thom barely seems to even care. He’s yelling in this part, but there’s no emotion in his voice. The guitar is loud and distorted and fast, but you need more than that for an exciting guitar part.
This song is also five minutes long. Now, that wouldn’t be a problem, but, as I previously stated, it sucks.
154. Coke Babies: 
With the name “Coke babies” you’d assume that this song would be silly. It’s not.
In fact, other than the name, this song is just nothing. I would say that the lyrics are little more than random strings of words, but that makes them sound too interesting. They’re “Easy living, easy hold/ Easy teething, easy fold”.
The instrumentals are basic and boring, except for the guitar which has some sort of effect applied to it that makes it sound like a car is speeding right next to you. It sounds awful.
153. Killer Cars: 
This is an early B-Side.
This song would not be notable if it weren’t for how loud and distorted it is. All of the beauty we would expect from Thome’s voice is gone as he screeches about cars.
The song is devoid of energy or any sort of musical ideas.
The hook is not even really a hook.
There’s this whole wall of sound thing going on with this song. That can work in some contexts, but with this song, it just means that everything mixes together into a tasteless mush.
This is not a song which is fun to headbang to.
Also, like many other early Radiohead songs, this one is too over-the-top.
However, the guitar solo has a fun, very angry energy to it.
152. Inside My Head: 
Inside My Head is a B-Side off of the Creep Ep.
The vocal melody is barely a melody. The sound is extremely generic, with a pretty generic guitar solo.
The lyrics of this song are about how the narrator is thinking about a person.
It feels like half of the lines in this song are just filler lines.
The rhythm of this song makes it sound almost like a new wave song, and that does not work well with Radiohead.
Also, at this point, Thom had not worked out what to do with his voice, being way to nasally.
151. Million Dollar Question:
This is a B-Side off of  the Creep Ep.
It’s another blandly composed song with no real musical ideas other than LOUD.
The lyrics of the song are about not wanting to go to work. It’s not exactly a profound statement.
150. I Can’t: 
I can’t think of much to say about this song.
The chorus of this song…yeah, sure. It’s nice, I suppose. It almost has a breezy quality to it. 
However, the whole song gets very tiring very quickly.
It’s got the same problem as other songs on Pablo Honey: uninspired composition and production, instrumentals lacking in creativity, dull lyrics, a lack of actual energy, angst that doesn’t feel genuine, and almost bored vocals. There’s no musical ideas.
149. India Rubber:
This is an early B side.
The drumming here has an interesting rhythm to it, even though it sounds too high in the mix at points. There’s also some extra percussion in the form of what I’ll just say is some maracas.
The biggest problem with this song is that I don’t know what it’s trying to do. It’s too harsh to be pretty, too abrasive to be pleasurable, and too low-energy to be fun.
I also hate the outro, which features someone laughing. I can’t explain why. It’s just so out of left field. Also, the laugh is an annoying laugh. This outro also sees a bunch of weird atonal meddling that feels kind of purposeless. I don’t know what the point of it is.
148. Maquiladora:
Uninspired, generic rock off of the High and Dry/Planet Telex EP.
Thom’s voice is annoying and there’s a lack of syncing with him and the guitars, as the two gain energy at completely different points.
147. The Gloaming (3.33333 Remix): 
This song is the Gloaming, but with the electronics turned up to extreme levels, making it sound like a large amount of machines are misfiring in my near vicinity while a 100 Gecs sound blares on a busted-up radio.
146. Lewis:
This song is off of the My Iron Lung Ep, and it has Radiohead’s worst lyrics. 
It’s about a man named Lewis who is about to kill himself. At least, I think it is. We get the lyrics “Don’t do it, don’t jump”. 
The song doesn’t seem all that sad about this. 
Honestly, other than that, this song doesn’t sound all that awful, even though it does feel messy, with these extremely frenetic guitars and drums all fighting for attention. 
145. Kinetic:
Despite being a very weird song, it still feels kind of calm, mostly because it lacks all energy.
It’s kind of repetitive and lacking in any emotions. It sounds more like an electronic jam session than a song.
144. Bones:
The problem with Bones is that it comes immediately after Fake Plastic Trees, which is a hard act to surpass. However, it would still suck anyways. In that way, it’s basically the Andrew Johnson of Radiohead songs.
Bones is a basic grunge song. Now, it may appear that I dislike grunge, but I don’t. However, Radiohead’s approach to grunge always feels so unexciting, and most of their grunge songs don’t really want to be grunge songs. Good grunge songs have this specific energy which exists even during the slowest of moments. However, Radiohead usually doesn’t have that energy, so they always sound unenthusiastic. There are a few exceptions, but Bones is an example of them failing.
All of the beauty one from Thom’s voice is gone and replaced by him yelping erratically. It sounds so annoying, especially when he squeaks, “WHEN YOU’VE GOT TO FEEL IT IN YOUR BONES!”
The guitar work just sounds sludgy, and the lyrics are just nothing. They’re probably about something, but I don’t care enough to think about it.
This song sounds like it’s trying so hard to be edgy and cool and harsh, but it just comes off as childish. This whole song feels like what goes on in a 14 year old’s head when…something.
Maybe that’s why it sounds like Thom’s voice is cracking violently.
143. Melatonin:
 This is a song off of OK/ NOTOK, and it’s called melatonin because it puts you to sleep. 
This song is too ethereal and too spacey. It’s massively overdoing it with the dreamy synths, I can barely hear Thome. The reverb and the effects layered onto the synth just make it feel way overproduced. It’s too ornate and too pristine. Where’s the edge? Where’s the tension? Where’s the emotional power? 
Oh, also, the drums don’t fit in with this song at all. They’re mixed in very strangely, making it sound like Phil just randomly started drumming.
Lastly, Thom is singing kind of weirdly on this song, sort of pausing between each word. He. Sounds. Like. This.
142. Planet Telex (Karma Sutra):
This song is trying to sound “Indian”-esque with the sitar and the drumming.
Instead, it ends up sounding like a Gong song if they sucked. It feels very cheesy.
I don’t like the effects on Thom’s voice.
There’s a part where I think this remix is trying to have a hook, but it just sounds like the song is randomly and abruptly changing what it sounds like.
This whole remix is pointless.
141. I Promise:
 Yaaaaawn. 
This is a track off of OK/NOTOK
The rhythm guitar is extraordinarily boring. The march-like drumming is rather unique, but it gets old extraordinarily quickly. The vocal melody is really simple, and so are the lyrics in general. The lyrics are basically the narrator saying that he’ll be better, and that’s not something that I find very interesting.
That’s fine, but it’s just that the whole song has so little going on in it. The part with the organ and the strings near the end is very pretty, but at that point I was ready for the song to end.
One of the other biggest problems with this song is that it has no real build or hook or anything, so it just kinda ends up feeling very dull and empty. It’s repetitive, that’s what it is. 
The only thing which threatens to break up the monotony is the part with the strings and the organ, which serves as the climax of the song. However, it starts very quickly and goes away just as fast. It also really doesn’t communicate any kind of emotion, it just sounds sort of pretty.
140. Dollars and Cents:
The intro to this song sounds like “Knives Out” played very quietly. Then, we get this violin which sounds, for lack of a better term, too loud. Thom, for some reason, is deciding to sing as quietly as possible. It sounds like he’s holding back, never really letting his voice actually soar. There’s a part near the end where different tracks of him singing are stacked on top of each other, and it just sounds like a giant mess. The whole song feels kind of messy, like a bunch of random ideas are just being squished together, with the violins and synths and drum and guitar and vocal harmony just stepping on each other instead of working together. There’s no sense of structure or movement. It goes from semi-ethereal one moment to semi-harsh the other moment, with no real rhyme or reason. 
That could have worked to create a storm of storm-like affect, but the vocals sound so muted, as does the guitar, so the whole song feels restrained.
This song has no core, no central musical idea or instrument holding everything together. It’s like a cookie baked without eggs.
What were they even trying to do with this song? Were they hoping to have some sort of atmosphere or vibe, or were they wanting it to be funky and danceable? I don’t know, because the song just doesn’t do anything. It feels…kind of half-assed. I’m sure Thom put a huge amount of effort into the vocals on this track, but I can’t tell because his singing is so reserved and so emotionless. I don’t think even he knew what kind of emotion this song was supposed to express. Also, there’s some vocal affect placed on his voice which buries any human aspect that could arise.
139.  I Am Citizen Insane:
This is just harsh and grating electronics for 3 minutes. If you like that sort of thing, then you’ll love I Am Citizen Insane.
138. Pop Is Dead
This song doesn’t suck. I like the beginning with the cool jazzy guitar and the sweet vocal melody.
Then, the drums kick in, and man oh man are they way to loud. It’s another case of Philip putting emphasis on every beat, and it sounds utterly atrocious. The rythm guitar is similarly abrasive and over the top.
However, the whole thing is over-the-top, so brash, so absurd, it’s kind of funny. The lyrics are bizarre. It’s like the band is making fun of pop music, but also they just are not.
The only complaint this song leverages against pop is that it is “dead”, and it don’t even explain why it thinks that.
137. Feral: 
Much has been said criticizing the sound of “The King of Limbs”, which I must admit, is an album with an awesome title. While there are many compliments to be given to “The King of Limbs”, Feral pretty much embodies all of the negative aspects of the record. There is simply too much going on. 
The drums stacked on top of each other feel…well, Feral, but they also sound like a bunch of random nonsense, like a bunch of people who don’t know how to play drums are randomly improvising. Now, this couldn’t be further from the truth, the drumming is very precise, with all these crazy polyrhythms and everything, but that’s what it ends up sounding like. While this song is technically impressive, it’s too technical, losing any chance of communicating some sort of emotion. All of the weird stuff going on with the looping and the effects just feels like one giant mess. There’s no emotionality to this song, no sense of atmosphere, because it's all lost within this massive jungle of weird noises. 
The sad fact is, there’s such a thing as being too complex. Sometimes, having a strong key center can mean your song fits in well with a vibe because the audience’s ears can recognize the song as minor or major or phrygian. However, if your chord progressions sees you going from an Emaj7#4 to a F7b2 to a F#m7, then the song is just gonna sound like nothing (that’s the chord progression for Aja by Steely Dan by the way, I was too tired to look up the chords to this song).
C-:
136. How Can You Be Sure?:
This song is kind of bland. The drumming is boring, and it takes up most of the space in the mix, as is the rhythm guitar, which is devoid of any interesting texture. The vocal melody is uninspired, and Thom is doing nothing with his voice.
There’s also an organ in this song, but you can barely hear it and it’s bland and emotionless anyways.
The hook in this song just doesn’t work. 
This whole song is just devoid of emotionality or atmosphere.
The lyrics are this usual generic breakup song routine.
This song also has an outro which is way too long, and serves no purpose at all.
135. Where Bluebirds Fly
This song is similar to I Am Citizen Insane (being from the same EP) but the electronics at least kind of create a sense of atmosphere. It does sound a bit like the band aren’t just randomly improvising and are attempting to create a cohesive song.
It still hurts my ears, however.
135. Fast Track: 
The weird, sharp, hissing quality of this song is, at the very least, unique. It sounds like hell, and I hate listening to it, but I have to admit that it sounds awful in a way which no song has sounded awful before. The sound is also a lot more calm and a lot less shrill than the first half of Transatlantic Drawl
Fast Track also does imitate the vibes of commuting in a city fairly well, with the random voices coming in and out and all these sounds coming and going like people and vehicles passing us. There’s a whirlwind quality which I have to commend the song for. I still don’t like listening to it.
134. Molasses:
This song has a weirdly ragtime quality to it. There’s no piano, but the electric guitar sounds like it’s playing a classic ragtime quality, and Thom’s kind of bouncy vocals add to this.
As a result of this, the song sounds whimsical in an annoying way. 
There’s also whatever happens after the end of the two verses. There’s this intense drumming and weird electronic riff. 
The biggest problem with this song are the lyrics. The first line is, “Shake hands.” Okay, that’s a good line. The next line gives us, “Genocide”. Oh, well, that was a turn. Then, the line after that is “Molasses.” What? Huh?
Also, they say the word genocide twice in the same song. The first time it doesn’t even rhyme with anything, and then the second time it is rhymed with “fat houseflies”.
This whole song is just a shit post.
132. You:
The opening guitar line to this song is actually quite pleasant, and I like the way it continues a bit even after the other shrieking guitars come in.
The guitar work overall on this song is actually quite fun, with a great sense of energy.
Thom’s vocals are definitely not his best. He sounds like he’s putting on a voice and also holding back in a lot of places. Even the part where he lets out this sort of yell feels a bit underwhelming.
The guitar bit which serves as the hook to this song is also quite nice the first time you hear it, but by the third chorus, it’s just tiring.
The lyrics to this song are also pretty plain, not really saying anything.
Overall, this song isn’t bad, but it’s also pretty disposable.
131. Backdrifts: 
The electronics in this song are kind of boring. They’re repetitive, emotionless, and hollow sounding. As such, this song has no sense of atmosphere. It just sounds like a lot of crinkling and cracking and glitching. 
I wouldn’t mind it that much if the song was short, but it goes on for almost six minutes, and I’m tired of it by the third minute.
This is also another song where Thom’s vocals are too muted and reserved.
Also, this song has no sense of dynamics, never increasing in intensity or volume. It starts out as one emotion, and then never changes the emotion.
130. Up On The Ladder:
This is a track off of In Rainbows Track 2.
Yawn. Musically, this is a very boring song. The electric guitar is dry, repetitive and uninteresting. It also does not mesh well with Thome’s vocals at all. The backing synths are also pretty bland, sounding like free stock audio you can put in a home sci-fi movie.  That made no sense. Whatever. You see what I’m saying.
Lyrically, this song is weird, referencing Doctor Who. Other than that, they’re just as boring as the rest of the song. Not only do they say very little other than “I’m not happy” they’re devoid of any interesting imagery or worldplay or anything to make them remotely memorable.
129. Hunting Bears:
This song is just some simple guitar playing with a really weird and harsh distortion effect added to it, at least, I think it is.
I guess it serves as an inter-whatever…but like, does it? Amnesiac could have gone from Dollars and Cents to Like Spinning Plates, and it would have been fine. 
129. Paperbag Writer:
This song is cool before the electronics kick in, as there are some unsettling strings and unique percussions that create a sinister atmosphere.
However, all atmosphere is lost when the electronics come in, as they have this very annoying snapping quality that I do not like. They are also way too loud.
The guitar also sounds like a robot farting.
128. We Suck Young Blood:
Perhaps I’m being too harsh on this song. It does sound…well, nice. The chord progression is very pretty, and the piano playing has an ethereal quality to it (get ready for me to say the word “ethereal" a bunch more times). However, this song is a one trick pony sonic-wise, and this trick gets old very fast. We begin in this hazy dream-like state, we continue in that state, and then we end in that state. It doesn’t help that Thom is singing liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis throooooooooooughout. It takes him half a minute to say a single line. It gets even worse by the end because Thom begins to make his voice all scratched up. He sounds like he’s trying to impersonate a vampire when he says “We want the sweet meat”. It is extraordinarily silly.
Also, the clapping feels very cliched. 
Not only that, but this song hasn't aged well politically, at least for me. There’s nothing wrong with the messaging, the entertainment industry does take advantage of young people. However, the whole vampire thing connects this song with weird, anti-semetic conspiracies which have recently entered the public eye. Obviously, this was not intentional, and it’s really not the band’s fault, nor the fault of the song. 
It just makes it hard for me personally to connect with the actual message Radiohead wanted to send, especially because the song doesn’t say a whole lot more than “The entertainment takes advantage of young people, draining them, and this is kind of like vampires.”
Not only is this a message we’ve heard before, the song relies so heavily on this one metaphor and one observation, never making an attempt to explore it further. Also, the vampire/leech for society/entertainment industry/the government/capitalism  is an extremely common metaphor.
“We Suck Young Blood” is sort of a poor man’s “Welcome to the Machine”, a song wich doesn’t just stay on one metaphor and then drain it of all that it’s worth (see what I did there?). 
The final result is that “We Suck Young Blood” is a rather tedious song to get through, backed up by lackluster lyrics. 
127. The Gloaming: 
While the Gloaming is impressive from a technical standpoint, it’s still a rather dull affair. The backing beeps and bloops don’t communicate any real emotion. Not only that, but the song keeps feeling like it will build up to something, but it never does. Yeah, the band keeps on adding more instruments into the mix, but this never makes it feel like the song is increasing in energy or intensity, the song just goes from feeling empty to feeling messy, probably a result of all of the rhythmic shenanigans occurring. It’s definitely commendable that Radiohead were able to make this piece, but I generally skip it when listening to Hail to the Thief.
Actually, let’s talk about Hail to the Thief.
The Head of Radio is consistently interested in portraying emotions, and Hail to the Thief fits into that. While many of the songs are about investigating why certain political issues exist, many of the songs also capture what it feels like to experience these issues, like in “Wolf at the Door”.
The problem is, this means that their thoughts on politics can be rather vague, with it being unclear exactly what Radiohead dislikes. Something a song writing teacher told me was that good songwriting is specific, and I think that applies to this album, and also specifically this song.
Let’s look at OK Computer for a second. That album cites specific details about living in modern society which paints a specific portrait. There is a job that slowly kills you, and there’s a pretty house with a pretty garden.
Now, let’s look at this song. It makes the point that we should be aware of the problems, “Your alarm bells should be ringing”, and there is bad stuff happening right now, “It is now the witching hour.”
And, that’s about it.
The Gloaming doesn’t say anything specific, and as such, its lyrics ring hollow for me. 
Also, the best Radiohead songs are the ones who exist in their own worlds. Some songs on Hail to the Thief fit that description. Most notably, both “Wolf At the Door and “2+2=5” both take place in these surreal dystopian fairy-tale worlds. 
However, songs such as the Gloaming are definitely lacking in the world building department. The Gloaming doesn’t seem to be taking place in any reality at all. There’s very little imagery, and there really isn’t any sort of atmosphere.
Essentially, The Gloaming just sounds hollow and meaningless, especially in the context of the album it is on.
126. Meeting in the Aisle: 
This is another song from OK/NOTOK.
Similarly to We Suck Young Blood, the gloomy and ominous  vibes of this song are quite nice, but soon get tiring. 
The way the various instrumentation all fades together has a cool ethereal quality, but there are many moments near the end where the mix gets too crowded, and all of the colors just turn to mush. Obviously, they were trying to go with a crowded sound, but the crowded nature messes with the emotionality.
Still, when the song isn’t too hazy, it is quite pleasant to just soak up all the various sad instrumentation going on. Does it kinda just sound like hold music? Yeah, but it’s pretty hold music, and it also has that nice dystopian quality to it.
125. Morning Mr. Magpie: 
This song has the same problem as Feral. Once again, I can appreciate what the band were trying to do, and all of the effort and technical skill which went into making this song. However, once again, this song just comes off feeling like a mess, and a repetitive one at that, with the loops making it feel like we keep on going in circles through this weird haze of noise. There’s no human aspect to this song. 
This song also starts out very weird and is consistently weird throughout, making it all blend together. 
I guess the idea is that all of these loops are trance-like, but they don't feel like that to me. They just bore me.
There’s so much going on in every single second of this song, I just become numb to everything by the ten second mark. I have the same problem with Moulin Rouge.
124. Little by Little:
This King of Limbs song is a little less cluttered than Morning Mr. Magpie, so I guess that’s nice. Also, the almost out-of-key sounding guitar is a neat touch, and the percussion is some sort of instrument that I don’t think I’ve heard before.
Also, it’s usually at this point in my King of Limbs listening that I get a headache. My brain is already chaotic enough, it does need the sonic equivalent of ten shots of espresso.
C:
123. Gagging Order:
This is another B-Side from the Hail to the Thief era.
The acoustic guitar has a sweet, clean sound to it as a result of the simple composition. 
However, this song is just Thom’s voice and the acoustic guitar. Despite that, Thom is doing his usual soaring vocals, and they kind if clash with the very intimate guitars.
Also, the lyrics are about nothing, and they aren’t even pretty nonsense. I suppose the vocal melody is much more important, but the melody is pretty basic. It feels like Thom thought of a nice guitar bit and then quickly slapped some lyrics to go along with it.
124. Anyone Can Play Guitar:
The lyrics of this song are one of the more interesting on Pablo Honey, I guess. It’s about wanting to be famous (I’m assuming) and the cult we have around famous rock stars.
It’s also kind of funny that Thom says he wants to be Jim Morrison, a singer who did not play guitar.
However, musically, it’s just whatever. The melody is fairly catchy, I suppose, and the guitar backing is rather unoriginal but still enjoyable. The guitar solo is also fun even if it doesn’t communicate anything.
125. Ripchord:
This song is alright. The lyrics are about the failure of missing out on life, realizing there’s no way out after you’ve jumped from the plane. That’s something fairly interesting.
The drumming on this song is also quite nice, with a fun frenetic energy to it. Thom also seems to be having some fun with his vocals, especially during the chorus.
Plus, the guitar is gleefully angsty and melodramatic in a way that feels rather untethered.
There’s a rather unconstrained feeling to the instrumentals, which I suppose is neat.
Unfortunately, it still feels pretty basic.
120. Sulk:
The beginning of this song has these very dystopian sounding fan- sounds that mix in very well with this guitar bit that sounds straight out of a midwest emo song.
However, after that, the instrumentals don’t do anything interesting, instead being rather repitive. As such, the chorus of this song is lacking in any sort of hook.
The very crunchy guitar solo is fun, even if it sounds like it could be the guitar solos to a million other songs.
The song is about being sad and how that sucks.
The lyrics are repetitive and unsubtle in that very early Radiohead way. The song never goes beyond that singular idea of being sad, nor does it explore this idea in any way.
119. The Bends: 
Why did they make this song the title track of The Bends? No, seriously why? I genuinely do not know, because this song is just so…eh. 
It’s your standard grunge song, something which wouldn’t be out of place on the previous record. 
The lyrics are also really simple, as “Oh, oh my baby’s got the Bends, I know” not being exactly Pulitzer-worthy material. I’m really glad that he felt the need to tell us that he knows.
Also, there’s the line “The planet is a gunboat in a sea of fear.” Wait, are aliens attacking us? 
But, what is this song about? Well, it’s about that feeling when you’re stressed and unhappy and you don’t like what is going on.
It’s not that deep.
There’s so little to talk about with this song.
118. I Am A Wicked Child: 
This is a B-Side from the Hail to the Thief era.
This is a rather cynical tongue in cheek song, very indicative of the nineties. This sarcasm is kinda cute, but also kinda annoying with how on-the-nose it is.
117. Bloom:
Remember everything I said about the other King of Limbs songs? That applies here.
However, I like the reverb on Thom’s vocals. Also, the bridge in the middle of the song is, dare I say, quite haunting, mostly because of Thom’s very pretty humming. He’s a great hummer. The beginning of the section reminds me somewhat of MK 1.
The end of that section is also fantastic, as it has a horn section. I fucking love horn sections. This horn section is drenched in reverb and all sorts of other effects, making it sound extraordinarily ethereal. 
However, it’s still not worth it.
116. Yes I Am:
This is one of the most interesting sounding songs on the Creep Ep.
The band are actually playing off each other very well, with the use of drums in this song being especially pleasant. 
Also, this song does have a build in it.
There’s a sense of constrained energy to this song which I quite like, with this energy slowly being released over the course of this song.
Thom’s vocals in this song actually have some emotion in this song.
Also, this song has two guitar solos. The first is definitely not anything new, but it does a very good job of communicating this very specific kind of anger which is within this song. The second is also definitely not anything new, but it is rather technically impressive and also distinct among Radiohead guitar solos, sounding kind of like a solo you’d expect from a hair metal song. It works well as a culmination of the build-up the song was working on.
The lyrics are pretty simple, about hating someone.
This song isn’t great, but there’s nothing it really does wrong, and the beat is rather fun. 
115. Stupid Car:
I’m starting to suspect Radiohead dislikes cars. Or, perhaps they like using them as metaphors for modern society, like how The Great Gatsby does.
Anywhoo, this song is off of the Drill EP. 
It’s very basic. It rhymes “car” with “far”. Comparing this song to The Great Gatsby is giving it way too much credit, as it’s more so using the car as a metaphor for a relationship that is going downhill… at least, I assume it is, with lines such as, “You put my brain in overload. I can’t change gear.” It’s not exactly brilliant writing.
However, you can’t say that Thom’s voice in this song isn’t pretty with the way it soars, and you can tell he’s trying very hard. However, the problem is, the vocals in this song are much more energetic than the rest of the instruments, which are just a rhythm guitar. 
Still, it’s nice to listen to Thom belt his lungs out.
114. Planet Telex (Hexidecimal Remix): 
Why are there so many remixes of Planet Telex? This song takes Planet Telex, a pretty fun yet quite average alt-rock song, and adds a bunch of effects which makes it sound very spacey.
It also extends the intro into the territory of “too long”. 
Also,Thom’s vocals don’t mesh well with the electronics, making this song feel very disjointed.
This remix is just kind of boring. There’s so much going on, but none of it is interesting, so it all sort of fades into nothing.
 113. Supercollider:
At seven minutes and one second, this is Radishhead’s longest song, and it’s a single they released in 2011.
Does it earn its length? No.
The electronics are repetitive and hollow, and
it’s got that weird rhythm that a lot of the King of Limbs songs have.
Also, despite being seven minutes and one second long, the song never really goes through any different phases.
The lyrics of the song are not even worth talking about.
112. Vegetable:
The clean guitar work on this song is fun, I suppose. 
At this point while listening to Pablo Honey, I’m just so tired of the album. Every song in this album is so similar. 
Lyrically, Vegetable is about being tired of not letting oneself get angry. I suppose that’s fairly interesting.
111. Prove Yourself: 
Man, they really like songs with instructional names.
Unlike other songs off of Pablo Honey, this song sees Thom actually put some emotion into his vocals.
This may just be a result of me listening to this song on an iphone, but I think the electric guitar may be too high in the mix during the chorus, as it kind of steps over Thom’s vocals.
Still, that guitar is quiet fun, as is the crunchy electric guitar solo. I also appreciate that the electric guitar changed tone and distortion levels during this song. That’s kind of the bare minimum, but oh well.
110. Worrywort and 109. Fog 
These two songs are off the Knives Out EP.
They are both nothing songs. The electronics aren’t grating, but they also have no real effect at all.
These songs seem to be trying to go for some sort of atmosphere, but they’re too sparse and too chill to create one.
There’s a tambourine in Fog. That’s the only really interesting detail. 
108. Pearly:
Despite being an OK/ NOTOK song, this would not sound out of place on The Bends, as it’s a pretty simple heavy rock song. It’s a good time, and I really like the way Thom’s voice is layered on top of itself, but it’s still not anything stellar.
This song does have some very fun, very frenetic drumming in it.
Overall, I could definitely see enjoying this song while listening to it in a burger joint with a big bar.
107. The Butcher:
This song is the B side to Supercollider.
Thom says the word “bitch” in this song, which I think is new for him.
It also stands out because this song had that King of Limbs sound, with the unstable rhythm, haunting humming, and unearthly electronics. It is for this sound, and the weird juxtaposition with the lyrics, that this song is this low.
106. Fitter Happier:
 It’s kinda hard to judge this song, as it’s not really meant to be picked apart on its own. Within the album, it serves its purposes. Everything I can critique about it is sort of the point. Yeah, the robotic voice is creepy, and yeah the music concrete is not nice on the ears, and yeah, don’t call me a pig. I guess I can critique it on the grounds of being very on-the-nose in a way that feels a bit…Reddit-y, I suppose. I know that’s a silly thing to say, since this is Radiohead of all bands, but that is the way it comes off. Yeah, society treats us like farm animals, what else is new.
However, at the same time, whatever. If we could only use completely unique metaphors, then 99% of all writers would be out of a job.
I like the line “No killing moths or putting boiling water on ants.” I can’t believe they don’t let us torture insects. We truly do live in a society. 
I do think some of the weirder instructions serve well to spice up the otherwise very unsubtle lyrics.
105. These Are My Twisted Words: 
This is the most Radiohead song Radiohead made. I don’t wanna say it’s like a parody, but it kinda is. It’s not bad, it just does what so many of their other songs do, the lyrics are despondent, Thome’s voice is high, the music is ethereal-ish. The only problem is, it doesn’t do any of this in a unique way. The lyrics aren’t anything special, and the song never figures out what it wants to be about. I guess it’s about songwriting and making music itself, but it doesn’t say anything about the process. Thumb York gives a nice vocal performance, but he’s not doing anything stellar with his voice, just singing in his unique way. The music does have a nice quality, but you can also find this quality by searching “ambient music for a rainy day” on Youtube.
104. Packed Like Sardines In A Crushed Tin Can:
Packed Like Sardines is a song with a lot of desperate elements which combine together to make nothing.
The song ends up feeling extraordinarily repetitive, with no change of mood or sense of building up or anything. The lyrics are also extremely forgettable, and Thom’s singing is way too reserved in this track. It sounds like he’s asleep, and the synths are also just as loud as he is, so his restrained vocals are buried.
However, I can admire the uniqueness of the song, as I really can not think of a single other song that sounds exactly like that. Despite that, the song just feels like nothing more than a novelty.
103. Myxomatosis: 
Myxomatosis is another song which just ends up feeling mostly hollow. The main guitar riff is pretty cool, but it gets tiring fairly quickly, as it’s not cool enough to be repeated a bazillion times, and once again, it’s pretty devoid of emotion. It also does sound a bit like a robot fart, and when the buzzing electronics are on top of it, it just sounds messy. When you pile distortion on top of distortion, then it sounds scratchy, and it really, really clashes with Thom’s vocals. By the end of the song, I was really sick of the electronics, which just gave me a giant headache. 
The best parts of the song is when the guitars cut out and we only hear Thome’s voice and the drumming, as the drumming is quite nice. Unfortunately, those moments are few and far between.
Also, this might be one of Thome’s most middling vocal performances. It’s too nasally, and the way he says Myxomatosis is almost, dare I say it, annoying. 
The lyrics…eh. They feel like a bunch of random ideas thrown together. Myxomatosis is reportedly a disease in rabbits, in case you were wondering.
The band also sound like they’re trying too hard to be edgy, as they’re basically saying “Oh, I’m a dangerous animal, I have a disease, I’m rapid, I’m going to attack you.” It reminds me of late-era Green Day lyrics, especially because it feels vaguely political, but it doesn’t really say anything or provide any insight into any issue. It just uses phrases like “used in a photo in Time magazine” which seem like they’d be political. However, there’s no actual point being made. Perhaps Radiohead is expressing something, but I don’t know what they’re expressing, and I don’t really know what emotion they want us to feel. 
102. Planet Telex:
“You can force it, but it will not come.” Is a very Radiohead-esque opening line.
Anywhoo, the guitar work on this song sticks out, using all sorts of effects to create this very chaotic feeling. 
I also really like the part where we hear a piano play, and the echo used is similar to the one applied to the guitar.
However, everything other than that is just “eh”.
 C+:
101. Lurgee:
This Pablo Honey song might actually be good. Both the vocals and the instruments actually manage to communicate an emotion. The guitar solo is definitely lacking energy, but that was definitely unintentional, as it works to create a feeling of despair. 
100. Blow Out: 
Blow Out is a pretty neat tune. Of all the Radiohead songs, this one sounds the most like a bossa nova record. There’s definitely a rather unique texture which sets it apart from the rest of the songs on Pablo Honey. Not only that, but the composition actually sounds interesting.
It’s also the most interestingly produced song on Pablo Honey, with multiple recordings of Thom’s voice being placed on top of each other. This is something that Radiohead would go on to do all of the time.
Unlike many of the other songs on that album, Blow Out actually has a vibe and an atmosphere.
Not only that, but this song also has some surprises, namely the ending, which has this guitar bit that sounds like ten thousand ghosts shrieking. It’s pretty cool.
It’s still not all that great, with the lyrics feeling rather flat and Thome’s vocals feeling stiff (I think that’s the best way to describe them, as it sounds like he’s holding back, hitting all of the notes, but not injecting much emotion into them).
The song’s lyrics are worthwhile, if rather one noted. They’re about feeling like the sadness in your life is inescapable. It doesn’t say that in the most interesting way possible, using a metaphor of turning everything into stone, but at least it’s saying something specific and unique.
99. A Reminder:
This is an interesting song off of OK/ NOTOK. The beginning uses field recordings and mixes it with these glistening ambient sounds. 
It’s very pretty.
Then, the guitar, drums, and Thon’s voice are added on to that, and at that point, the song starts to feel messy. 
The lyrics to this song are about how Thom wants this song to be a reminder of how he was once “cool” and full of energy and joy. Okay…that’s a neat idea, I guess.
The song also has a very abrupt end which is weird after its very languid beginning. 
98. Electioneering: 
It’s fine. There’s nothing Electioneering does wrong. The percussion with the…I think it’s a cowbell? Has a very playful quality I like, which matches with Thome’s almost mocking vocals and the kind of lullabye-esque vocal melody. The guitar line also has a really nice stinging quality to it. It feels harsh and angry, but also kind of euphoric and silly. 
However, like… whatever.  These elements are nice, but not memorable in any way. Plus, the lyrics don’t do much for me, as they don’t say a huge amount. The smartest observation is the “When I go forwards, you go backwards, and somewhere we will meet.” Like, yeah that’s what happens, society is moving ahead, and a lot of the young folk have progressive ideas, but we keep on getting these people with reductionist policies, and we then have to meet them in the middle. That’s something people don’t talk about a lot, and it’s said in a simple and eloquent way.
However, nothing else in this song says a whole lot. Yeah, politicians lie. That’s not a unique statement. 
Also, parts of the song are just the band listing a bunch of political terms, and that’s not political satire. What about voodoo economics? What even is that? Okay, I looked voodoo economics up, and it’s something George HW Bush said to mock Regan’s economic policies. Okay. That’s not very meaningful. That’s not meaningful at all. 
Also, while I complimented the way the cowbell matched Thom’s vocals, it does feel like the rest of the song does not match with his vocals. The guitar’s sound is so much more energetic than Thom on the verses, and even during the choruses, it still sounds like the band are recording from different worlds. Also, the cowbell does eventually go away. :(
This does add to the rather messy quality to the song. The band doesn’t really sound all that in sync, and it’s just overwhelming. I suppose that’s the point, but it gets tiring very quickly. My ears don’t know what to focus on, so all of these elements mix together into a glop.
97. Sit Down, Stand Up:
The album “Hail to the Thief” is notable because of how much repetition there is with the lyrics. Now, this can work, like with 2+2=5, where it sounds like a chant. It’s reminiscent of “The World is a Ghetto”, another very furious and cynical album.
Also, in today’s information age, it can feel like the same buzzwords are being yelled at us repeatedly. The repetition sells the feeling of being overwhelmed by issues.
However, sometimes the repetition can just get tiring, especially in the beginning of this song. It’s rather low energy, so it doesn’t feel like a chant, nor does it have the feeling of being overwhelming
However, I don’t dislike the beginning of this song. It has a dystopian, robot-like atmosphere, and the inclusion of the sparkling Christmas-y bells somehow manage to fit in well. I also really like the build up in the middle of the song. It sounds like a giant alien spaceship is slowly casting a shadow over the entire song. Yes, that is the metaphor I’m using. 
Of course, that buildup then sends us to Thom repeating “the raindrops” over and over. I don’t know what the meaning of that phrase is, and I kind of don’t care. I think the idea is that the vocals are just another instrument being used here. 
We also get this insanely frenetic drumming and squealing synth, and it feels like aliens are pouring out of the ship and shooting at us.
Despite being cool musically, super frenetic drumming like this gets tiring very quickly, just look at The King of Limbs. The overwhelming nature of it means that I soon just grow numb. 
It definitely doesn’t help that this part of the song lasts for a minute.
Maybe it’s just because this song comes immediately after 2+2=5, another song which starts off with a dystopian atmosphere and then explodes into violence. However, everything Sit Down, Stand Up does, 2+2=5 does with much more creativity and power, as I’ll talk about later.
96. Separator:
I feel like the drums in this song are too loud, and they kind of take over the rest of the song. Despite being very interesting rhythmically, the drums get rather tiring. 
This whole song is not really anything spectacular. There aren’t any musical ideas that I find particularly interesting, and it doesn’t make me feel anything.
I suppose the lyrics or some of the most colorful on King of Limbs like with, “Fallin’ off the giant bird that’s been carrying me” but it’s still not anything to write home about. A lot of the lines feel like they’re just filler, like with “If you think this is over then you’re wrong”.
It’s fine if the lyrics have no discernible meaning, but it would be nice if they’re still interesting.
That’s a problem I have with The King of Limbs overall, it’s an album that seems kind of uninterested in saying anything.
Obviously, there’s that vague feeling of sadness throughout the album
“So why does this still hurt?” (Bloom), “Now you’ve stolen all the magic/ took my melody” (Morning Mr. Magpie), 
However, it’s rarely concerned with dissecting this sadness. Occasionally, it will dive into the reason for the despair, like with “Routines and schedules, a job that’s killing you” in (Little by Little). However, that’s a “No Surprises”-esque line in a song which is definitely not “No Surprises”, as that line is the only line in the song about the idea. The rest is just abstract lyrics, “The last one out of the box, the one that broke the seal”. It’s not even very pretty abstract lyrics.
There’s a lot of references to relationships throughout the album, “You’re mine” (Feral). However, nothing is ever said about relationships.
There’s two exceptions to this.
The first is Lotus Flower. “There’s an empty space in my heart where the weeds take root” is a line which actually seems to make a specific statement: the absence of meaning in my life leads to my vices growing.
The second exception is “Give Up The Ghost”, as I suppose you could say it’s about being afraid of entering a relationship for fear of being hurt.
95. Like Spinning Plates:  
The story behind this song is cool, as it’s I Will being played Backwards.
It’s a cool concept.
The song definitely has an atmosphere, that atmosphere being a sense of haunting dread, soul-crushing horror, and unexplainable pain.
I don’t enjoy listening to it, but I don’t think it's meant to be enjoyed. 
Thome’s voice when he says the title does have a certain unexplainable quality to it, as does the rest of the song. 
94. Permanent Daylight:
This song is off of the My Iron Lung EP.
The guitar riff in this song is nice.
However, there’s a weird vocal effect on Thom’s voice that mutes it and makes it all garbled up.
Other than that, I don’t have anything to say about this song. It is a well-put-together piece of music that did not bore me.
93. Bulletproof (I Wish I Was):
“The Bends” is too long. It’s not the longest radiohead album or anything, it’s only 49 minutes. However, there are songs on it that didn’t really need to be on it.
Bulletproof (I Wish I Was) is an example of this.
Not only that, but this song comes after “Just” and “My Iron Lung” which are both very high energy, so it feels like a sudden plunge.
This isn’t a bad song, but it is very low-energy, and very languid.
In terms of positives, I like the sparkling guitar and overall breezy quality of the song, and Thom is doing his usual routine with the vocals.
It has everything you’d come to expect from a Radiohead song.
92. Staircase:
This is a B side from 2011.
It has a very nice bass which is fun to tap one’s feet too.
There’s a rather chaotic quality to it which is fun.
The violins are also a nice touch.
91. The Amazing Sounds of Orgy
This song is going on in all sorts of directions. The percussion is crazy, Thom is singing in the key of “existential dread” and the whole thing sounds like I assume the Phantom Zone sounds like.
This entire song is scary
The effects on Thom’s voice scare me. The reverberation on the drums is spooky. The quick screams of organs send shivers down my spine.
This song is about capitalism, I suppose. I guess it is the rich people who are having an orgy, and we are forced to listen to their amazing sounds. We truly do live in a society.
90. Bangers+ Mash: 
The opening to this In Rainbows Part 2 song sounds like the kinks “You Really Got Me Going” mixed with Bodysnatchers.
The coarse guitars and drums in this song are instantly gripping, and they fit Thom’s yelping delivery, but they lose their grip pretty quickly. In fact, all of this song really gets tiring pretty quickly. As nice as the guitars and drums are, they’re pretty repetitive.
The only time when this song changes up is during the bridge, which is honestly kind of annoying. The backing gets chill, but Thom’s vocals stay the same way, and it just feels jarring. They also add other bits of…something during the bridge, making it feel messy, and also, this song does that thing where the music abruptly cuts off and starts again, which is kind of a pop song cliche, despite this not being a pop song.
89. 15 Step:
15 Step is kind of an underwhelming way to begin In Rainbows. That electronic...thingee..is repetitive and gets old very quickly.
Also, the cheering crowd of kids is very random and adds nothing to the song. Seriously, what was the point of the cheering kids? 
Also, the lyrics are kind of “meh”, not really saying much. 
However, I do like how we get the line “you reel me out and then you cut the string.” This si because in Videotape, we get the line “And you are my center when I spin away.” These lines are basically opposites.
Not only that, but the last part of this song feels extraordinarily messy, with the vocals and the guitar and the electronic thingee stepping over each other.
88. I Might Be Wrong:
Out of all the Radiohead songs, “I Might Be Wrong” sounds the most like a “Black Keys” song. It’s got this slick, rock and roll riff and a danceable beat. 
However, it’s also just kind of empty. There’s no real sense of atmosphere or mood, and there are no musical moments in it that I find memorable.
I don’t have anything else to say, because there’s nothing else to talk about. 
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spammreviews · 3 months
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All the 2023 films I’ve seen so far, ranked:
16. You Are So Not Invited To My Bar Mitzvah
Pretty much every scene in this film goes like this:
*modern pop-song blares ridiculously loud, making all dialogue practically unintelligeble*
Main Girl: OMG, Alex is totes hot AF, no cap, for real, for real.
Other Teen Character; I love Tiktok. And pronouns. 
Adam Sandler Character: Wow, teens today sure are craaaaaazy.
*the music spontaneously cuts out as something funny happens. We get ten different cuts of ten different character reactions*
Random Side Character: Wow, this sure is craaaaazy,
*another pop song comes on, this one is also way too loud*
15. Air
This is a Nike commercial. Characters with dimensions or personalities? Who needs those? Themes? Hah! This film wants to have themes, but those themes are “Michael Jordan is successful, and that’s cool. Buy Nike”. 
This film is devoid of energy, pathos, or creativity. It tells a story in the most bland, watered down, and commercial way possible.
It mentions the fact that Nike shoes are made by enslaved children in other countries once and then never again.
14. Maestro
This is a biopic about a queer jewish communist conductor most active in New York during the mid 1900s.
Unfortunately, this film treats Leonard Bernstein’s Judaism as merely a detail to be ticked off in a checklist. Anti-semitism is also briefly paid lip service, only to never be brought up again. 
It’s unclear how Judaism even affected Leonard Bernstein. 
Leonard’s sexuality is mentioned more, but the film seems similarly uninterested in exploring this feature of Mr. Bernstein. We barely see how it affected him.
Leonard’s communism is basically just removed entirely.
Despite a majority of the film taking place in New York in the mid 1900s, the film is uninterested in capturing the experience of living in that time or place or creating any sense of atmosphere.
Most damningly, the film is completely uninterested in Leonard Bernstein as a composer. Say what you will about Bohemian Rhapsody, but you could tell that the creators of that film cared about Fredey Mercury’s music. I don’t know if the creators of this film cared for Leonard Bernstein’s music. 
We don’t see how Leonard’s experiences affected his music, or how his music affected his life. 
There lies the rub, this film is completely uninterested in Leonard Bernstein as a human being. Instead, it’s interested in giving us a series of meaningless vignettes which do nothing except show off Bradley Cooper’s directing.
The film does look nice, I’ll give it that, but it doesn’t use its directing and cinematography to say anything.
As a result of the film’s disinterest in Leonard Bernstein as a person, our main character is devoid of any depth. Unfortunately, so are the 20 other characters in this movie. The portrayal of Leonard’s relationship with his wife is laughably awful, with the two of them re-uniting and getting over years of disagreements for no real reason. The relationship between Leonard and his daughter, as well as the other characters in this film, fair just as poorly.
Finally, while Bradley Cooper is an amazing actor, his performance here is hindered by two major problems. Number one, the fake nose. It looks really stupid. Number two, his voice. As young Leonard Bernstein, his voice is fine, when he’s old Leonard Bernstein, he’s putting on an old man voice that sounds like Tom Waits impersonating a train engine.
13. Dungeons and Dragons
Ok, there’s a huge jump in quality with this one. Dungeons and Dragons is a fun film with a great cast who all seem to be having fun. It’s filled with humor without losing any of its sincerity, the action scenes are energetic and creative, and there’s a clear love and respect for the game. 
12. Nimona
You know what, here’s a link to my Letterboxd review of this film:
https://letterboxd.com/thejam24/film/nimona-2023/
11. Guardians of the Galaxy 3
Similarly to Dungeons and Dragons, this film actually likes its source material, and it doesn’t let its humor get in the way of its sincerity. It’s not afraid to be silly nor is it afraid to be sentimental.
Almost all of the members of the ensemble cast are given an arc: Rocket deals with trauma, Starlord deals with trauma, Gamora  does her arc in the first film again, Drax matures a bit, Nebula learns that she doesn’t need to prove herself and that she can be a good guy, Mantis learns to stand up for herself, and that dude played by James Gunn’s brother learns the power of self-confidence.
Groot is the only character not afforded this, even though he does get some badass moments.
Overall, this film just drips witch charm and genuine enthusiasm.
 
10. Godzilla Minus One
What this film succeeds at is portraying Godzilla not just as a villain, but as a dark, unknowable eldritch force. 
I won’t say all that much more, because I’ll do a Godzilla ranking some day, and I’ll go more in depth about this film.
9. Blackberry
You know The Social Network? This is very similar, but instead of Mark Zuckerberg, we get a much nicer who is slowly fucked up.
Unlike Air, this film actual criticizes the industry it’s in, and how it’s impossible to actually be ethical in it. We are shown that actually trying to make a good product in the tech industry simply isn’t a good business model. Capitalism incentivizes cruelty and punishes empathy.
This very sad idea is wrapped up in a rather fun package, with a large cast of distinct characters who all bounce off each other well.
8. Barbie
I don’t need to review this. You’ve seen Barbie. We all know it’s a delightful film with a fun theatrical nature, and that it works as a simple but effective investigation of the patriarchy which kids can understand. Also, “I’m Just Ken” slaps, and I’ve been listening to it unironically for months.
7. Talk To Me
Why does no one talk about Talk To Me anymore? It was the biggest thing ever for a month period, and then everyone forgot about it. That’s a pity, as this film slaps. It’s not a deep film. The hand is like drugs, and the main character uses it to deal with her grief, but she ends up hurting those close to her.
There’s also questions raised about trying to help those who don’t want it, how it can hurt both you and the person you’re trying to help. However, sometimes people do need and actually want help but are just unable to ask for it.
This question is very important to the end of the film. 
This film is ceaselessly cruel, especially to that one kid. God, I feel so bad for him. 
There is one scene in particular which is so visceral and unflinching, and it comes right after a very light scene of comedy.
This film also has this deep sense of loneliness, as it’s marked by a sense of being unable to communicate with others. Maybe that’s why it’s called “Talk to Me”. 
6. Asteroid City
I vibe with this film so much. It is delightfully silly, extraordinarily colorful, and ceaselessly creative. Basically, you like Wes Anderson, then you’ll enjoy this film.  
One thing Wes Anderson is great at is portraying bad family dynamics. While this movie is surreal in so many ways, the families in this film feel real.
This film uses the story-within a-story framework in a genius way, poking fun at the artistic process by portraying it in a simulated environment, and then doing the same with the nature of human relationships.
I feel like I need to see this film two or more times if I want to really understand.
5. Beau is Afraid
This is my favorite kind of film: horrifying, psychological, and extraordinary confusing. 
The reason why this film isn’t higher is because it is simply put, to much. 
While their are three hour long films from this year that definitely earn their runtime, Beau is Afraid most certainly does not, with the film often feeling repetitive, as we often get multiple scenes which serve to say the same things within the story. It’s like Ari Aster wrote the same scene two or three different ways and didn’t know which version to cut, so he put all three in them.
I’m being very vague for three reasons:
One, I watched this film, like, seven or so months ago and my memory is fuzzy.
Two, I don’t want to spoil anything.
Three, I’m kind of scared of talking about this film. I want this to be short, but if I start talking about details like the penis monster or that fairy tale section or the purpose of hair within the film, then this will devolve into a nonsensical rant. 
This film kind of invents its language through the use of eighteen or so different motifs. It also uses its locations in just the bizarrest way, where we get to know these locations very well, and then we’re given pieces of information which completely change the way we see those locations. 
This whole film is just a nightmare. However, the film, especially Joaquin Phoenix, goes to great lengths to sell you the bizarreness. 
4. Oppenheimer
I think Oppenheimer does what the best biopics do, in that they are an attempt to understand the main character. This film doesn’t claim to know exactly who Oppenheimer is, rather, it’s trying to figure that out.
Oppenheimer, the person, is a riddle we have to decipher.
Oppenheimer’s change in morals, were his opinion of the bomb shifted only after he made it, is something that is…interesting, and the film puts a large emphasis on it, connecting it to other times that Oppenheimer’s opinion appeared to change drastically, like with communism. 
This film also doesn’t tell you what to think about Oppenheimer, or about any of this. 
This film also has one of the best explosions in any movie ever, and the explosion scene is one of the many examples of how the film uses sound. There’s a scene featuring the sound of stamping feet which sounds absolutely traumatic. 
Both the sound and visual editing of this film are extremely violent. 
Oppenheimer is a guy who has repeatedly done something bad and not faced any consequences. And, when punishment finally comes, it’s for something extremely minor. 
Unlike the other biopic about a jewish communist with an interesting profession and a complicated sex life, this film is actually interested in all four of these aspects, spending time on all four and how they affected Oppenheimer. 
This film is actually enthusiastic about physics, and that’s nice.
Overall, this film is definitely worth the hype.
3. Spiderman: Across the Spider Verse
I love how much love the two Spiderverse films have for comic books and superheroes. The first film was basically one giant love letter to superheroes, the medium of comics, and to Spiderman in particular. It explained how we need heroes to look up to, and how they can inspire us to be better. All the while, it paid sincere tribute to comic books and their unique form of storytelling.
This film then asks the question of what a superhero even is. However, it is still a love letter to superheroes. It understands something fundamental about Spiderman’s appeal: he is just an ordinary person. This is important because it shows that we all have the capacity to have the heroism of Spiderman. After all, Peter Parker’s actions are just him trying to emulate the ordinary powered adults in his life- but that’s a topic for another time.
Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse uses the whole “canon event” thing to discuss how anyone can be a hero, but it also dives into an important idea: the way we romanticize suffering, and how that connects to superheroes. Spiderman is a character who goes through hell regularly, and we admire him for that, but our admiration of perseverance can often turn to a puritanical idea that suffering leads to purity. 
In this film, both Miles and Gwen are kind of putting themselves through hell because they think that it’s the only way, and that’s how to be a good person.
That’s why Miles doesn’t tell anyone that he’s Spiderman, he doesn’t want anyone’s help. It’s been pointed out that there’s a scene where Miles tries to carry two cakes at once but ends up ruining them. This can be seen as symbolic of him trying to balance his social and spider life. However, the idea isn’t that Miles should cut everyone else out of his life, instead the idea is that he needs other’s help. After all, carrying two cakes is easier with two people.
Miles does learn this lesson, as he does attempt to reveal to his parents that he’s Spiderman at the end.
In the story, Miguel represents this romanticization of suffering, believing that is what makes a good Spiderman. Miguel is this stoic hero who cuts himself off from all human connection. 
In that way, Miguel serves to make a meta point. Comic writers often make Spiderman go through hell, and this misery often comes from Peter being cut off from his connections to others, most infamously when Peter Parker’s marriage was erased from existence. The reason for this is that Peter’s suffering makes him more “relatable”.
Miles learns his lesson by seeing how Miguel acts. In the beginning, Miles belief that he has to carry all of his problems himself is similar to Miguel’s belief in canon events. Miles believe this is his fate, and Spiderman have to suffer, as does Miguel.
However, Miguel is miserable, and so is Gwen, another character cutting herself off from those around her.
Oh god, I didn’t intend to write this much. Basically, what I’m saying is, Across the Spiderverse’s themes of the romanticization of suffering work on a meta level and on a psychological level.
Oh, also, the film is fucking gorgeous. Every scene is just a blast of color and energy and beauty and life. This film makes full use of the medium of animation, incorporating a dozen different styles. One of the first scenes of this film has a three dimensional character fight a two dimensional person.
The stylized yet detailed animation allows every fight scene to be filled with this jaw dropping kinetic energy.
And the soundtrack? Oh god, the soundtrack is intense and ferocious and just plane fun at points, mixing jazz and rap and pop and electronic and punk and the usual tropes of film soundtracks. 
I think I need to move on, or I’ll be talking about this film forever. I want to turn this film into a powder and snort it.
2. The Holdovers
This is a perfectly cozy movie. It has a wonderful atmosphere, some delightful acting, and a great sense of humor. Paul Giamatti's character is the perfect example of how to write a character with dimensions, and his performance just oozes charm. I would not be surprised if there are people who will have a tradition of watching this film every December in the years to come.
This is not a unique film, but that’s its charm. It’s as familiar as a warm hug.
I like when films use Christmas as a sort of oppressive force. Christmas feels lonely in this film, as being alone in a time centered around family feels lonely.
Killers of the Flower Moon
This is an extremely precise film. Every movement of the camera and every framing of a scene is purposeful.
I love Scorcese’s sense of humor. This whole situation is weird. It’s awkward. It causes people to act silly, like when Leonardo Dicaprio tries to flirt. 
Scorcese is really good at giving these films the comedy they deserve.
The two main characters of this film, Ernest and Molly, are top tier characters.
What makes Ernest a great character is that he is a truly despicable person who’s also an idiot in a rather charming way. 
Something interesting I noticed about Ernest is that he keeps mentioning how much he loves money and how every other character called him greedy at least once. 
The thing, is Ernest actually doing this because he loves money, or is he doing this out of pride? 
We get one scene , the gambling scene, where Ernest indulges with his money and actually seems happy about gaining it. Other than that, Ernest seems rather uninterested in money beyond it being necessary for his survival. In contrast, we see Robert De Niro’s character actively getting annoyed when he’s refused money. 
Then again, the acclimation of wealth to Ernest may be something he takes pride in.
Moving on to Molly, I feel so bad for her. She’s an ordinary person who never asked for this and did nothing to cause this to happen. She also simply does not have the skills to deal with this. This is a situation she is not able to deal with. She’s not a hero, her goals are the survival of her and her family, and that’s it.
It’s also interesting the way this acts as a microcosm of colonialism in America. Some native Americans have a bunch of stuff, and a bunch of white people want that stuff so they come over, act kind of nice, and then slowly kill everyone. In that sense, it makes sense that our main native American character who has a disease. She’s one of many characters who’s disease is used against them. 
Oh, and also, we see many poor white characters used as pawns by the richer white characters as part of their schemes, often using racist rhetoric when they do that, but not using that rhetoric when talking amongst themselves.
The motivations of Robert De Nero’s character and others like him isn’t racism, it’s money. However, they use racism as a tool and as an excuse, often blaming the violence on the Native Americans themselves, and using the government’s apathy towards Native Americans as a way to get away with their crimes. We are told that “You have a better chance of convicting a man for killing a dog then for killing an Indian.”
Basically, these schemers are taking advantage of the Osage people.
Ernest’s relationship with Molly is a microcosm of this, with him using her trust of him to slip poison into her insulin. 
I also love the way the film uses language. Usually, the characters speak english. However, there are multiple scenes where native americans use their native tongue when talking to white people as a way to sort of gain a slight amount of power. After all, they native americans are being forced to adapt to a different language, so Molly speaking in osage to Earnest forces him to make that same sacrifice.
The real reason for why this film is in number one is for the ending, which sees Martin Scorcese making a cameo that sort of redefines the entirety of the film we’ve seen so far and almost seems like a commentary on his career. There’s the idea that this is probably inaccurate, as there’s no real way of perfectly portraying this actual historical event.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, every performance in this movie is fantastic, whether it be Lily Gladstone, Leonardo Dicaprio, Robert Deniro, Todd from Breaking Bad, or Brendan Frasier- who appears in three scenes and absolutely steals the show with an insane amount of energy.
All of these actors give so much fire and humanity to many absolutely stunning conversations about insurance fraud. I’m serious. I don’t think insurance fraud has ever been more poignant and tragic.
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