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[specialworldjourney]

The Can/Will Matrix

In my previous blog, “Why Hire Individuals with Disabilities?”, I tried to clear up some of the fears behind hiring individuals with disabilities (Hence the blog title.) Many of these individuals have a unique skill set that can be very valuable for virtually any business. As a community opportunity employer, (Which basically means that I hire individuals with disabilities), I have a strong passion in highlighting the skills of my workers, both typical and not. I have learned that many of my workers have factors that make them good workers. However, I want to clear one issue up. For centuries, people with disabilities have been declared unable to work, mindless, worthless. In fact, before Jews, Hitler’s first genocide target was individuals with disabilities. If they couldn’t work than they had no real benefit to his invincible society. Years of segregation and harsh stereotypes may be a lot for these individuals to carry on their shoulders, but many have realized that if they work for the prize they too can be successful. But to say every individual with a disability has this persistent mindset would be just as stereotypical as past societal assumptions. I have a very analytical mind, and I constantly assess the performance of my workers. I wanted to be able to assess the abilities of my workers based on both performance and character. I made an assessment that I use every three months to analyze each individual, both disabled and typical. The assessment grades on: --Task Ability: Scales ability to do tangible tasks such as washing dishes or making drinks. --Application Ability: How long does it take the individual to learn tasks independently? --Initiative: Does the individual need constant guidance, or are they proactive in finding work? --Relations With Others: Does the individual get along with co-workers and management? (If you would like a copy of a performance assessment, feel free to email me at bobbi.custer@spottedcowcoffeehouse.com) Considering the areas above, I have found that there are two major factors that affect my assessment categories. Ability or Can, and Desire or Will. Individuals both disabled and typical can be categorized in one of the four areas: Can/Will, Can/Won’t, Can’t/Will, Can’t/Won’t. Deciding what category an individual falls under has helped me determine whether or not an individual has the ability to accel, and provide overall benefit for my business. I want to go over each section in detail, but I want you to keep in mind the phrase, Where there’s a Will, There’s a Way. In other words, individuals that are willing will lower your turnover rate, and provide the overall potential that you would like to achieve. It’s also important to pair the skill with the job being applied for. For example, an individual may accell at factory work, but if your business is in food service, the individual’s skills and desire may not necessarily transfer over. Can/Will: This individual should be an automatic hire. I have an individual with a disability that shines brightly in this category. This category means that they have both desire and ability to do a job. The reason that I hired her was of her excellent interview. I could tell by her responses that she was a hard worker. She also indicated that she loved the idea of working in the food industry. Though our coffee shop does not currently serve food, the preparation, skills, and challenges are similar. Considering these aspects, the individual continues to improve, and she provides a lot of worth to my business. For example, When she first started, she would just hand cups to a worker who knew how to make drinks. Now, this individual can make all the drinks while reading a recipe book, and she can run the cash register independently. Her progress assessment score was rather high, and we decided that her next focus would be speed. (Stay tuned for my next blog that talks about training individuals with disabilities, particularly in regards to speed) Can/Won't: I have also hired an individual that falls within this category, and I have decided that I will never hire an individual again if they have these aspects, whether typical, or disabled, and no matter how skilled they are. This category means that the individual has the ability to do the work, but they are not willing. What is difficult about individuals that fall under this category is that at surface level, this individual can appear to be a Can/Will candidate. They may be backed with experience, and they know how to be viewed as a hard worker. Overall, they appear to have potential. I am still working on some sort of analytical way to decipher this person from the first category at first glance. But after a few months, all four areas of the performance assessment will drop--Initiative will start low, application and task ability will follow, and finally relations with others will deplete. The individual that I hired that fell under this category appeared to have the qualities needed. She has a disability, but she has an attractive character, which is important in the service business. She also has the ability to do many jobs, and it was clear that her learning ability was strong enough to aid her in success in our workplace. But as time went on, her "won't" factor began to glisten. I would give her jobs to do, and she would do the work, but she didn't own the job; she had no passion for the work. As the weeks went on her lacadaisical character continued to glisten. Soon she started skipping work, and she wouldn't call to confirm her absense. We talked, she cried, and she promised she would do better. Even after our talk, nothing really improved, and do to her consistent absense, I had to let her go. Anyone that falls within this category creates a justification in their mind as to why they are not willing to put in the effort. For many people with disabilities, this justification is often the same: "I have a disability. I am different. Therefore I don't need to try, and I don't need to grow." Think about your typical workers that are often late. They may often blame their tardiness on weather or the traffic. Like individuals with disabilities that fall in this category, the tardy worker has justified that they are entitled to be late. Letting the individual go was hard, because my goal is always to provide a workplace that creates opportunity and a quality of life for the individual. But the sad truth is that once the individual has let the justification set in, whatever it may be, then they are no longer willing, and therefore they are no longer teachable. Realistically, they have decided that you cannot provide worth to them and therefore they cannot provide use to your business. Can't/Will: On the surface, this individual may appear to be someone that you do not want to hire. They are willing to try whatever you ask, but they often fall short of your expectations. But this employee can still provide worth to your business at an intangible level. I hired a young lady that falls within this category. Her performance assessment score was low in task ability and application ability. However her relationship with others and her initiative were high. Over time task ability and application ability start to follow the suit of relations with others and initiative. Many individuals with disabilities will fall under this category. Their drive can help them actually develop into a Can/Will individual. As an employer, this worker will be desireable at a long term glance, but efforts toward success will begin as limited. The individual that falls within this category is still just handing cups to other workers that can make drinks. She is learning what pastries to grab for guests, and how to prepare them depending on whether the order is here or to-go. This individual has learned to do a lot of our custodial work (e.g. sweeping and wiping tables) independently. She also does these independent jobs without being told to start them. Because this individual has a strong desire to work, her passion is strong in what she can do. Recently I had all of my workers create a list of ten coupons or ideas to present that we could possibly implement. One idea that this individual created was a princess mother daughter tea party. At our coffee shop, we would throw a mother/daughter event and provide a discount on tea and a pastry for them to enjoy. This idea is something that I as the employer would never have thought of, but it's ingenious! It allows us to offer an event that targets young mothers, one of our target markets. This individual had not known anything about our marketing ideas, but she took her own passion and imagination to create something our business may not have implemented otherwise. Therefore because of her initiative, relations with others, and her dynamic ideas, this individual has proved that she is a contributor to our business. More so, she is teachable, and I am confident that she will become an even more desireable employee over time. Realistically, you can't hire an employee based on what ideas they may or may not contribute. In the instance of Can't/Will, you may have to consider the idea of job carving. I will write more on this in an upcoming blog. Can't/Won't: An individual that falls under this category is of no worth to your business, and your business is of no worth to them. You will be able to tell without doubt that this is not someone you want to hire. I have hired many people with disabilities, and considering that, I as an employer can be considered more gracious than most. But there is still a point where I draw the line. I look at my sister. She has Cri Du Chat syndrome, she struggles to walk on uneven ground, she can only say one to two words at a time, she has many behavior issues. I will never hire my sister Randi to work at my shop, and she has no desire to work there. Though it may come across that I have no heart for her, I love my sister, and though she may never hold a job, she still has a quality of life. She improves in other ways and she doesn't need a job to define success. For example, three years after Randi came to live with our family, her psychiatrist told my parents, "I don't know what you did with this girl, but I never thought she would be able to go out in public." As a sibling of three individuals with disabilities, it is my job to advocate for their quality of life. But, as a realistic businesswoman, I also realize that no matter what the Employment First mandate states, not every individual whether disabled or typical, has the desire or ability to work. As an example, I have no desire to be a surgeon and if someone handed me a scaple and told me to go to town, I promise more harm than good would be done. The Employment First mandate says that if the person has the capability then they should own a job. In other words, if the individual has an ability to flip burgers, they should get a job at McDonald's. I think it's important that the state, employers, and the individual all consider the individual's willingness as well. I know for a fact that if I were working at McDonald's that my mindset would resemble that of a Can/Won't individual. It's setting up a failed relationship between the employer and employee. It's not to discredit the worth of McDonald's. My point is that saying someone that has the ability to work but they are mandated to do something they are not willing to do is Hitleristic. Saying someone has no benefit to society without holding a job is degrading them. Frankly, as an employer I am not concerned with how many widgets an individual made in a hour. I want to know that they can smile at a guest, and work toward providing quality service. Quality of life should never be considered quantity of life.

[specialworldjourney]

Quote

As a 23 year old entrepreneur, I often encounter new relationships with the idea of 'how can this person help me?' I am beginning to realize that though I am young, it's ok to have a mindset of, 'how can I help them?' Age does not limit you from helping another find their spark.

[specialworldjourney]

The Vow

This weekend I got the opportunity to speak at the Ohio Sibs Convention—an organization that supports both individuals with disabilities and their siblings. I came to an odd conclusion. I will without doubt, be the sole care provider for my brothers and possibly my sister one day. I had thought about it before. It would just be like old times, spending every moment with my best friends. But this time it really hit me.

I’m guessing it’s a similar feeling to that of a forced marriage, only with the opposite perks. A prince marries his princess, and they spend their lives in continued luxury, forcing themselves to build a relationship in order to maintain the esteemed family bloodline. They have everything they need but do they truly love each other?

Then I look from my side. I automatically have more mouths to feed, I might be giving up future expeditions with my potential spouse, or, what if I don’t even find a spouse because I’m seen as the intimidating packaged deal? After considering that there is one thing I know I will always have: unconditional love from my biggest companions. We lose societal advantages but we know how to survive together.

Both sides come across as selfish. If the prince or princess does not love the other then they are not pitied. Why should they be? Everything is handed to them from birth. Even a luxurious wedding. Or me, expressing the hard truths of raising my adult siblings. It is societally wrong to consider my own future solely, and complain about a family obligation.

The prince and princess are born to fill very expensive, uncomfortable shoes. I was born to fill the middle class supportive shoes while aiding in the tying, strapping, and zipping of the shoes of my siblings. Some may dream to toe-in the shoes of a princess, others may dare to lace my shoes onto their feet. But the ultimate Orthopedist made those shoes for us only. They will never fit anyone quite like they fit us.

Which has more worth, Luxury or Love?

To be frank, this is the point when I could narrate a multitude of parables and proverbs of why choosing love over wealth is what is right and what is just. On the other hand, the Holocaust, the murder of Jesus, and slavery of African Americans were all built on the foundation of it’s the right thing to do.

I am making a vow that I will be the future provider for my brothers. I will not do it because it’s the right thing to do. I will do it because I want to. I don’t need to taste wealth or fame to know that the relationship with my brothers is worth so much more. And I need my siblings as much as they need me.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them how can the love of God be that person? 1 John 3:16-17

[specialworldjourney]

To Eric and Levi: I Give You My Dream

To my zany, quirky, sassy, spitfire, loving, caring little brothers—Eric and Levi,

First I want to say that, from the moment I met both of you, I knew you were special. Not in the way that the world saw you, but in your character, your smile, and your ability to light up a room. You are my best friends and my inspiration. And from the moment that Gabe went to be with Jesus, you were my protection. You gave the best hugs, and you always listened. You knew the same hurt, and we took the road together.

I remember when we were young (I was around eight and you were both five), I asked our older brother Gabe to build me a bus. I remember getting chuckles from mom, dad, and Gabe, but I was serious. They all asked me, “For what?”. It was for you. I wanted to have a bus to start a school that was designed for you.

As I grew older, I stuck with this dream. In seventh grade, I wrote a paper expressing what I wanted to be when I was older—a special needs teacher, I wrote. I saw your passions, your struggles, your happiness, and I knew that being smothered in your presence was my biggest dream.

I kept this dream into my college years and I studied to become a special needs teacher. But about two years in, I got tired. The concepts I learned, the classrooms I saw, that was not where you were. I stopped pursuing that dream. In the third year, God put me on a new road—business. I could see how God had helped mom and dad start Downsize Farm. Under His hand, they made a place for you. A place where you would have opportunity, friendships, challenges, and adventures.

I remember reading your IEPs once. Eric, yours said that you wanted to be a trash-man. Levi, yours was to work at Walmart. Is that what you want to be? If that is your dream then I want you to go for it! But if not, I am making something for you—a coffee shop. (I know you don’t like coffee, but we will have hot chocolate too!) I am designing a place where you can not only work, but be the strongest, and coolest employees a business has ever seen. I want to teach you what I have learned. I want you to be able to use all of your abilities to the fullest, and be able to show them off to every person that walks into our building. Most importantly, it is my eternal dream to create and fulfill the dreams that you have.

On May 21st I will open a coffeehouse. I know you think coffee is gross, but if you join this road with me I will show you something. Every bean in that coffee has a purpose. Some beans are big, some beans are small. Some are dark, some are light—but they all create a beautiful mixture to jumpstart the day. On this Earth you could say we are all like little beans. We run around, doing daily tasks, and fulfilling our flavored lives. But God put every one of us here to do something special. I hope that by fulfilling this dream, I am following God’s vision by helping you create your own dreams.

Will you, my red and blue power rangers, take on this mission with me?

Love,

Your crazy, quirky, hopeful, inspired big sister, Bobbi Myrhee

[specialworldjourney]

Finding Narnia

My brother Levi has quite the imagination. For example, he has about two-hundred figurines, (elephants, cows, power rangers, little cheap kids meal toys, you name it!) On a daily basis he will act out some sort of story with them. Sometimes there is the power ranger that has to save the poor elephant from being tortured by villains, or there is the cat and two dogs that will take their homeward bound trip across our entire front lawn.

Levi also loves his movies. He likes the action movies, The Hulk, Avengers, Fantastic Four, and Power Rangers of course. He likes the teenage dream in High School musical and Camp Rock. When Levi watches a movie, he will watch it over and over and over again. He will watch one particular movie so much that I have them all memorized just from walking in and out of the room! It’s like he studies them so he can memorize every step; so he can be completely engulfed in the story line. 

One particular movie, The Chronicles of Narnia, took Levi on a special mission. My dad and Levi were picking some beans in the garden. My best friend Heather and I had just gotten done horseback riding, and mom was watering her garden. I remember our neighbor coming by to talk for a bit. But after a while, we noticed Levi was gone! He wasn’t in the yard. He wasn’t in the pool. He didn’t sneak back to his T.V. Where did he go?!

Here is a bigger glimpse of our setting. Our vegetable garden is right next to a large cornfield owned by one of our neighbors. While the rest of the family continued to search the yard, my friend Heather set foot through the cornfield to see if that was where he wandered to. Finally after about a half hour, Heather came back through the ears of corn with the adventurous Levi. “What were you thinking?!”, we asked. Levi said in a matter of fact tone, “I was looking for Asland!” (Asland is the lion in Narnia, in case you haven’t seen the movie.) He had traveled a quarter of a mile through the cornfield all the way to the tree line, seconds from venturing into the great forest of Narnia.

Though Levi had all of us in a bit of a panic, he taught me another one of his little life lessons that day. Levi may have been completely entranced in a movie, but he had one goal, finding Asland. Though everyday in our household is a bit of an adventure, I thought how often we go through the motions of life. Lucky for us Eric and Levi never leave us without a bit of spice in our lives.

You see, Levi wasn’t running away from home. He wasn’t just going on a nice stroll through the corn snake valley to the forest of coyotes. He had a goal. And he wasn’t going to stop until he achieved it. (Or until Heather set him straight back down the narrow cornfield row.) He showed me that once you have a goal in mind, nothing can keep you from working towards it.

Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating at the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. --1 Corinthians 9:26-27  

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In The Orphan's Eyes

If you read a few of my other blogs you will get to know Eric (Try the Chronicles of Eric or When Life Gives You Lemons…). He is my nineteen year old brother with a spunky personality, a few freckles, and an adorable smile. Everyday Eric surprises me with a new twist in our journey.

A couple days ago I picked Eric up from his drum lessons and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings to hang out with a few of my friends. (He is so much fun to hang out with! He always adds a little comedy to our mix.) But on our way home we had a little heart to heart. He started talking about how he has bad dreams. Eric says that a lot. Finally I had the courage to ask him, “Do you dream about your family before you were adopted?” He said yeah. Eric started off naming a bunch of names of his old family members. And he said I have two moms and two dads! I honestly had never asked him before. I mean he was adopted when he was four, how much could he really remember?! He quickly changed the subject to talk about his day and his drum lessons.

Then today. We went to a worship night where our high school church band played an amazing hour and a half of crying out to the Lord. (Now hold up! I know you might be thinking, “Great. Another Jesus Freak blog.” Just bare with me here!) After my talk with Eric the other night, the worship service added an entire new dimension. You see, Eric has always loved music. He played drums in his high school band and he loves to sing. But today it really hit me. His cries to Jesus during worship weren’t an act to get attention. It was raw emotion.

In front of the entire gathering of about a hundred people, Eric laid hands and knees in front of the band, crying out to God. He didn’t care what anyone in front or behind him thought. It was his moment with God. We were just singing the words, “I believe You are my healer. I believe You are all I need.” Eric sunk in every word.

Going through struggles, I empathize with Eric. You get in situations where you think, “What are you doing God?” or “Just let me do what I want. Don’t give me the challenges. Just let me have fun. I don’t need you.” I’ve been there, trust me. But there was Eric. Laying down before God, with more baggage in nineteen years than some people experience in a lifetime. But he gets it! He sees God is his healer.

After that night I talked with Eric, I thought, “How many times have I said, God just let me do my own thing. I want to be like everyone else around me! I want to go to college parties or date different people. I don’t want your dumb life lessons. I want to live my life!” My mind went back to Eric. He was taken from his family, passed from foster home to foster home before he was four. Now he was in our family. We had love…tough love. I am so selfish: I go through every different experience in life thinking, “my way is the best way”. But I realize now, I am blessed to have wonderful parents. Sometimes we have disagreements, but they always know what’s best. Sometimes they give me challenges, but they make me stronger.

It is difficult to understand the concept that God is our father. But my brother gave me a bigger picture. Our world and all of the exciting adventures are so inviting. It is so easy to drop everything and say, “I want that, not what God wants.” I realized, it might be difficult to listen to that nagging voice that says don’t do that. But in the end I would much rather go through life listening to the encouraging words of my dad. Eric knows. He knows what it is like to walk through the world as an orphan. He knows what it is like to experience life without someone to say they are disappointed. He knows that behind disappointment is love. The orphan that was trapped inside my little brother sees that you can do all of those inviting little temptations, but none of them are as rewarding as the security of love from a father. 

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,  because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. –Proverbs 3:11-12

[specialworldjourney]

Jimmy: The Trouble Maker

While working for my parents’ business I have learned a lot of things. I have learned about finance and the importance of managing funds. I have learned the concept of confidentiality. I have learned how to write ISP’s, goals, daily paperwork, yada yada. Every day I refresh my knowledge in business and the DODD field.  But the biggest thing I have learned cannot be measured. Sometimes it’s a concept that can’t even be grasped until you have gone through the experience. The people that come to our farm, our clients, they offer me something new every single day.

I guess the whole point of our business (a vocational/day habilitation program) is to teach others. We are supposed to teach people with disabilities how to learn basic living skills and job concepts so that they can learn to thrive in the real world. One particular guy, Jimmy, came to the farm for that purpose.

Jimmy came with a lot of baggage. He had originally worked in a workshop, holding a commendable 9 to 5 job, making widgets. While sitting at a table for hours on end, Jimmy was making a puny paycheck, and he was also developing behaviors. These behaviors lead him to be violent, and eventually led to requiring him to have a behavior plan. (A behavior plan tracks the client’s monthly episodes. It also explains how to handle the behavior.) When Jimmy’s application came to us, we were all a bit hesitant. Was it smart to put other clients in jeopardy with Jimmy’s intense behaviors? Would we be able to handle the episodes effectively? Lucky for us, my dad has a five star heart for giving people 72 second chances. Seriously, lucky for us!

If you read a few of my other blogs, you will recall the 5 L’s: Live, Love, Laugh, Learn, and Leave a Legacy. While we had mandated goals for each of our clients, we also had our own set of goals for our clients, the 5 L’s. When Jimmy first came, of course we had a few issues. Some screams, some anger, and of course stubbornness. But over time, Jimmy transformed.

Jimmy learned to live: he eventually gave in and participated in our different farm activities like crafts and scrapbooking. (He gave me half of his crafts as a gift, and I still have most of them to this day.) He also loved parties. Every month we would have a birthday party for the clients that were born during that particular month. Right after singing happy birthday, Jimmy would shout “PARTY ONNNNN” at the top of his lungs!

Jimmy learned to love: In fact he mastered this goal. He loves the ladies! Every morning when I walked into the barn, Jimmy would give me a kiss on the hand and give me a little note that said love kiss love kiss love kiss Jimmy. He was the biggest flirt ever! Every year we also have a Christmas ball. All of the clients dress up in dresses and suits that were donated to the farm. We decorate the barn, set up a picture area and party on! Jimmy would always go straight to my best friend Heather and I and ask us to dance. He also loved his client advocate, Sharon. Though she sometimes gave him tough love, he would eventually submit to her requests.

Jimmy learned to laugh: Aside from his crazy PARTY ONN outbursts, Jimmy also made a lot of friends. His flirting with the ladies was just the beginning. He also got along pretty well with a lot of the people in his group. And he loved my dad’s quirky and excited morning meetings. Jimmy would also get excited about a lot of things like going to PAWS or our weekly bowling trips. He has the biggest smile when he is energized about something!

Jimmy definitely learned a lot: Obviously he learned to live, laugh, and love. But he also learned how to overcome his behavior. He wasn’t a burden, he was a joy to have around. And honestly if I was allowed to pick a favorite client...shh…it would be Jimmy. Jimmy was the guy sitting in the workshop, who had the uncontrollable outbursts, sending staff running to control him. When he was at the farm, you would never think he was the same person. Here, he was the loveable flirt who would kiss any pretty girl’s hand and who always had a smile on his face.

Jimmy learned to leave a legacy: Last summer Jimmy went to the hospital for some major complications. His stomach completely flipped, and this wasn’t the first time. The last time it happened they had to take out half of his small intestine. But this time it was worse. They had to go in and remove all of it this time. I went to visit Jimmy in the hospital. There he laid. His face was as white as his hospital sheets. He was hooked up to hundreds of wires and cords. But Jimmy still had a smile on his face. He held my hand and kissed it again. My dad talked with him about Jesus and though he was only partially verbal, he affirmed to us that he believed in Jesus and he knew for a fact that he was going to Heaven.

A few days later we got a call that Jimmy was still deteriorating. He was in so much pain, and doctors couldn’t give him anymore medication to keep up with it. He was giving up on this life and ready to move to the next. I went back to the hospital to say goodbye. I saw Jimmy again, engulfed in cords with a snow painted face. But this time was different. He couldn’t talk, or smile. He just laid there and moaned in pain. I put my hand on his and tried with all my might to fight back the tears, and without success. We prayed and sang hymns to remind him that he was standing at the door to paradise.

That night, I kissed Jimmy’s hand this time, and I said goodbye. The next day Jimmy entered eternity.

When my parents and I were riding to the funeral I said to my dad, “You know, Jimmy passed every one of the 5L goals.” It made sense to me at that point that it didn’t matter what specific, measurable, and time oriented goal we gave to our clients. We are here to be part of their lives, not to show them the real world. We are here to show them that we care about them as an individual, a being, and not just another worker. And along the way, they teach us too. Jimmy taught me no matter what we experience in this life, no matter how angry and frustrated we get, it can be overcome; we can have joy.

Though it was so hard to watch Jimmy go, I knew it was best for him. He no longer feels the pain that he felt that last few weeks of his life. He will never again experience the anger and frustration of not being able to communicate. He has a new body, and he is free of every difficulty he has ever experienced in this life. Seeing his face within those last few days revealed his pain, but they also revealed peace. Others may say that he was feeble minded; that there are concepts he cannot understand. But Jimmy understood where he was going. For that reason he had peace, and when looking into his eyes I knew I could have peace through his death as well.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have troubles. But take heart! I have overcome the world. –John 16:33

[specialworldjourney]

The Rat Race Matrix

Every day is a contribution to our life matrix—we have numbers representing our daily assignments as we race through our perpetual patterns over and over and over. From the chime of our morning alarm we jump out of bed, grab a cup of coffee, head to work, come home to watch the news while eating our TV dinners, and take a breather before we drift off to repeat it all the next day. But every day we have numbers that make our pattern special. We can have one number that can make a slight change or a drastic change in our environment, and sometimes we can add one number that leaves our matrix without a solution.

At work this past week we all started our daily Friday routine. Our farm always takes a morning trip to McDonald’s on Fridays and we then break off into two groups. From here each group takes a community trip to either do community service, or take part in a public activity that many of our clients may not otherwise get the opportunity to experience.

This past Friday our group took a community service trip to a local nursing home, where we socialized and handed out cookies to the elderly. As I walked with my sister, Randi, she did her usual ‘Randi mannerisms’. Every person that wore an Ohio State shirt, she had to touch the O and make it known that she was a fan, and every time she saw a man with a beard, she would try to caress it to soothe her obsession.

One person added a new emphasis to our day. As we walked past one room where a man was standing outside his humble abode, Randi energetically yet politely said Hi! I looked back to see the man intently staring down my sister as if he seen a blue flamingo with one leg. (In fact his expression was so comical I literally thought he had forged the pose for our amusement!) As we kept walking, I heard the man yelp-- You retards! They’re all the same! and then slam his door. I looked at Randi and giggled so she would continue to think it was a joke. But inside I was thinking about how much I wanted to run back there, take the scalpel he had just thrown into my back, and poke out his eyeballs with it.

 I was disgusted by the comment, but I did not let it affect my daily matrix; in my mind I knew he was wrong. In the societal rat race, she is just like every other person with special needs. But Randi cannot be replicated. Come on, how many people do you know that have the courage to walk up to a complete stranger and snatch their beard!

Before we left, Randi saw the side profile of a man with a beard who was in a wheel chair. Just as she went up to grab the luxuriant whiskers she got a ping to the sequence. The man had no legs. You could tell by her expression, she was thinking, Whoa! And I thought I had it bad! She too, had met her blue flamingo. But my sister, one that society would put at the back of the starting line, showed that she was wiser than anticipated. She continued her fuzz fondling sequence (well until I told her it was rude). Then she blossomed up a little smile and waved goodbye to the man.

The bible says-- since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1) We had witnessed a man engulf the hindrance of observing someone who was different, and it slammed the door on an optimistic sequence. But when Randi hit the same pattern, she took the zap to her matrix and fueled up for the race.

[specialworldjourney]

The Chronicles of Eric

 If you read back to the blog: “When life gives you lemons, sometimes they squirt you in the eye” you will learn a lot about my little booger brother, Eric. This blog is to show you some of the hilarious moments he has brought to our family.

Scenario one: When Eric was little, he loved to lock his bedroom door and destroy the room he shared with Levi. Obviously the parents didn’t approve of a pig sty and Levi wasn’t too fond of Eric going through all of his things. After this happened several times, my dad had a brilliant idea! He turned the door knob around so the lock was on the outside. I think you can probably see where this is going.

One night mom and dad went out on a little date leaving Eric, Levi and I with a babysitter. We were all in Eric and Levi’s room, playing with toys and having a good time when we realized… Eric was no longer in the room and the door was shut. Yep, locked in. The babysitter hoisted me out the window so I could run in the house and unlock the door. Luckily we all escaped before the house was entirely destroyed.

Scenario two: On a Saturday afternoon we were all spending time outside. Mom was in the garden, Levi and I were running through the sprinkler in our swimsuits, dad was putting new shingles on the roof, and Eric was washing dad’s car. This all went on for a few hours.

When my dad was done with the roof for the day, Eric told him, “the car is all clean and I filled it up.” Dad went over to see a shiny car, and, a shiny driveway? The hose was inserted into the car, with water and gasoline pouring out of the side.

Just when my dad thought he was done for the day, he ended up spending the next four hours under the car tinkering with the fuel cell and whatever other parts pertain to gas. Somewhere in the process a piece broke off (I don’t know what part because I’m way too involved in this blog to study up on my automobile components). Long story short the check engine light is forever gleaming. To fix the issue, my dad stuck one of those cute smiley Walmart stickers over it to remind himself daily of the wonderful Eric.

Scenario three: This is probably my favorite story. One cold February afternoon my dad was watching tv when he saw a lovely stuffed elephant leap down past the downstairs window.  Eric had decided to inspire Levi with another one of his amazing teases.

My dad walked upstairs to find all of the boys’ stuffed animals piled on the roof outside their bedroom window. Though the best punishment would be to fling Eric out after the plush creatures, my dad’s judgment told him sending the deviant onto a snow covered roof in mid-february was definitely not the greatest of ideas. So my father, barefoot, creeped out of the two story window to set foot on the snow laden roof with only a sweatshirt, jeans, and a giant soppy bunny to keep him warm. He threw in a couple animals, then whiipp! Eric slammed the window shut as fast as he could and flipped the locks over. Great. Now knowing Eric had the upper-hand, my dad tried to smooth talk him with genuine fatherly love. “Eric, would you pretty please open the window? It’s sooo cold out here!” ziipp. Eric pulled the curtains shut! Now there were two options. My dad either had to throw his over-the-hill body over the roof to the slushy ground, or knock for dear life! Knock knock knock knock!! Luckily, Levi came to save the day. He opened the window and let my freezing father back into the comfort of our heated home.

Everyday my little brothers bring a new chapter to our quirky family. There are the moments where they toot and say, “oops, I burped out of my butt” or the fact that Eric has pranked called 9-1-1 so many times that the fire station has us on a call back list to make sure there is actually an emergency. But at the end of the day, we can thank God for our events that helped us live, laugh, love, learn, and leave a legacy. In all, it’s just a beautiful chapter of God’s plans while we journey through our special world.

[specialworldjourney]

Down Doggy!

For my next few blogs I am dying to share with you some of my craziest and funniest experiences that I have had with my little brothers.

This blog is about Levi.

When Levi was younger, he had a bit of an issue on making it to the bathroom. (Whoah! Gross, no one wants to hear a story about that! Bare with me here. I promise this blog has nothing to do with fecal matter.) Anyways, my parents were running out of options to help Levi with the potty training issue. The last resort: bribery. On the very top shelf in our bathroom cupboard was a plastic box filled with all sorts of goodies. There was candy, those cheap little toys you get at the dollar store, and Levi’s favorite: animal figurines. Simply, every time Levi did you know what in the correct you know where, he got a toy from the box.

Overtime Levi collected a pretty good portion of little animal toys. Every time he got a new one he would break it in by acting out some crazy story with it. There was Spirit the mustang and Simba the lion of course. Then there was the grand celebration for each creature: an entire chain of animals from one end of the house to the other as if there was a mass exodus originating from Levi’s bedroom.

One Saturday our family was doing our usual afternoon rituals. Mom was multi-tasking the garden and the laundry, dad and Eric had gone to run some errands in town, and Levi of course was playing with his animals. While I was in my room watching tv, I heard Levi call for mom a couple of times but I figured she had already taken care of it. When my favorite show had ended I still heard Levi yelling. Ughh I said, mom must be outside. I better go see what he wants. So I walked downstairs and called his name a few times, to which he responded. There was only one problem. Every room I went to I could hear him responding!

Doing my phenomenal eleven year old detective work, I discovered his voice was resonating from our abnormally large furnace ducts in our old farm house. I checked every room downstairs and finally, in the living room, I found two little legs sticking straight out of the floor. Levi had taken the cover off the vent to make the ultimate setting for his animal narratives. His new little dog figurine decided to take a dive into the great hole of soot so Levi’s natural response was to dive after his companion.

Just in time mom walked in the door. Scrambling to find words, my preteen response was something like, “Levi’s legs out of animal toy…hole in the floor…furnace..ahh!!” My mom followed my frantic pointing finger to the little legs sticking out of the floor, sending her in a dart to pull him out. For a solid ten minutes she held Levi’s legs trying to get him out of the black abyss. I asked if I should call 911.

In a few minutes the ambulance, fire department, and channel two news all appeared at our door step. In walked a deputy who ran in and grabbed Levi by the legs and in about five minutes, out of a dust of black soot we found Levi! His face was literally pitch-black with the exception of the white of his eyes and little tears lines streaming upward from them.

That evening we informed dad of our eventful day sat down for the five-o’clock news, starring the headline: “Little boy gets trapped in a furnace duct when his eleven year old sister calls 911”

[specialworldjourney]

How To Leave A Legacy: Part 2

Ok for this to make sense you will have to go back and read part one of this blog. Seriously! It will spoil the whole thing…and that’s not to tempt you to read further, just trust me read that one first!

In the fall of 2006, our new family business was standing at the door of the business realm, days from entering. And then we tripped on the welcome mat, all the way down the stairs behind us, and earned a giant bruise on the butt.

On a Saturday morning in mid October, we got a phone call. My older brother, the one planning all the financial aspects of our business, was killed in a car accident. And freeze. Whoah?! What God?! All the sudden everything became as hazy as the sky was on that October day. And it stayed that way for a while. I remember watching my parents try and function to make the business move forward, otherwise we were gonna starve to death. And I remember holding my brother Eric while he cried. Levi on the other hand pretended it didn’t happen. He just tried to go on admitting it wasn’t true. I did too.

There is a verse in the bible that says, for I know the plans I have for you; Plans to make you prosper and not to harm you; Plans to give you hope and a future. At this point in life this verse seemed like an entire package of really moldy Oscar Meyer Bologna. Our plans were in crash mode; we weren’t prospering emotionally or financially; we had no hope; my brother had no future. God said, your business, your circumstances, your life-- those are my plans, not yours.

Recall to the business mission statement: Live, laugh, love, learn, leave a legacy. These were the goals for our future clients, and now they showed us God’s goal for us. My brother had completed all of these goals.(You can skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want to hear all of my emoting) Live: he had lived a fruitful life-- he had a beautiful wife, two adorable sons, and he was an admirable man of God. Love: First off, he didn’t kiss his wife until their wedding day. That may sound kinda awkward, but if you think about it the fact that he was willing to show his future wife that he loved her with every bone in his body and he didn’t have to prove it physically is a beautiful thing. He also showed his love for me. Every year for my birthday he took me out. Applebee’s, King’s Island, anywhere I wanted to go. And anything I needed advice on he was there for me. Laugh: For our business, laugh meant you could build friendships with someone that you could laugh with. He had some amazing friends that we still keep in touch with today. One of them even made him one of his groomsmen, and this was after he was gone. They just printed his name in the program and the bridesmaid walked solo. Learn: I can’t tell you any life lessons he learned because in my eyes he was perfect. I can tell you he was a genius though! He was salutatorian of his class, he got his undergrad degree in computer science, and his grad degree in business. Pretty smart ehh?

But the most important step was to leave a legacy. And he did that, perfectly. Have you ever been to a funeral where there were only like three people there? That wasn’t this one. There was about one hundred times that, no joke. He had touched that many people with his life and he was only thirty! That folks, is how you leave a legacy.

So back to the bible verse, Life plans. I can’t tell you why the little foster child was killed, I can’t tell you why a business devoted to helping children find loving homes was destroyed, and I can’t tell you why my brother’s life plans ended when they did. But that’s why it says, For I know the plans I have for you, I as in God. And in God’s eyes these lives had finished their plans and left their legacy. Now it was time for us to press forward and do the same.

[specialworldjourney]

How To Leave A Legacy: Part 1

I know that I’m probably not supposed to write a million blogs on my past and this blog should be more about my present life experiences. But A, I don’t see that rule anywhere in the declassified blog survival guide, and B, if I wrote my entire life up to this point in one giant blog it would be way too long and your eyeballs would be burning from staring at your computer screen all day. So hopefully I’m breaking this up into sections that make sense.

Here is a quick overview of my last few blogs. I am the sister to two awesome little brothers, both of which have Down’s syndrome. I also have a sister that is a year older than me who has Cri Du Chat syndrome. Our family lives in an old farm house in the middle of nowhere and my dad had just left his job as a pastor in a small country church to join in the wonderful world of social work. Phew, now we are up to speed!

Five years after my dad began his job at the foster care agency, the company ran into some problems. There was a young boy that was placed in a home that didn’t get the care that he deserved, and his parents’ neglect cost him his life. When a child loses his life, the news spreads like wildfire (as it probably should).

For the next few days, the company’s door was lined with state auditors in clean cut suits and press snobs waiting to film the latest gossip. After digging deep into the mountains of paperwork, the auditors uncovered some minor flaws. These flaws as well as the demeaning news posts soon led to the demise of the agency.

Living off of the savings account, God devised a plan for our survival. My dad had exceptional experience in three areas. Farming: he had been a dairy farmer for about 20 years; long before I was born. Ministry: he spent 12 years as a pastor at a small country church. And Grace: he had a heart for giving people 72 second chances, particularly to people with special needs. One of my older brothers (this was in the last couple blogs…we have two older brothers that are in their mid-thirties at this point in the story) had just finished his masters degree in business. So my dad and my brother put their heads together to make something unique.

For the next year, my dad and my brother met every Saturday morning for a cup of coffee and planned the new family business. First they looked at demand. There was only one other company in the area that offered job opportunities for people with special needs. Check one. Next, resources. We had a farm house, a few animals, and about three acres of land. Check two.  Put one and two together and you get check three: differentiation. It would be a farm, it would be at our house, and it would provide job opportunities for special needs adults, flawless.

All the pieces were coming together. My brother designed the business aspects, my dad wrote the mission statement, my mom programmed the future activities, oh we also had Pearl. Pearl worked with my dad at the foster care agency. There she designed all the forms for the company (applications, emergency contacts, etc.) and researched changing regulations in the world of developmental disabilities. My dad contracted her to do the same for us. We had a business plan, we had our paperwork, and we had our mission statement: Live, laugh, love, learn, and leave a legacy, all of which were our goals for the special needs adults, or our clients, would learn while in the program.

 In the fall of 2006, our new family business was standing at the door of the business realm, days from entering. And then we tripped on the welcome mat…

[specialworldjourney]

New Job For Dad; The Cat's Out of The Bag

Here’s a recap from my two previous blogs. I’m caught in the middle of four brothers. There are two older. Much older. 16 and 19 years older to be exact. Then there are the two younger, both of which have Down’s syndrome, and my entire focal point so far. We are all children to the country church pastor and his wife, and we probably have the most amazing parents in the world.

In 2001, our family stepped into another new realm of the special needs world. Now I don’t exactly know all the pieces here, but I was ten, how much could I know! I can still lay out the ground work though, no worries.

We were moving; leaving the parsonage home that my younger brothers and I had known all our lives, and that meant my dad was leaving his job.  So we packed up and traveled a whopping two roads down to a creaky old farm house with cornfields for neighbors. (It wasn’t too bad though. We all got bigger bedrooms and my brothers and I got to run around and pretend ghosts were chasing us.) The biggest change was my dad’s job though. We were used to him sitting in his in home office, studying God’s word day in and day out. Then Bam!  Say hello to the normal family lifestyle where your dad has an actual 9-5 job in the wonderful world of!...social work.

My dad’s social work was through a foster care agency that helped to place many special needs children in loving families. In addition to foster care, there was respite care. (This is so the foster parents can have a break and the foster kids get a mini vacation with other families) Respite care…Hmm…God said. I provided you with a big house and big rooms. Share it! So we did. And just about every week I got a new brother or sister. Some were awesome! Some not so much.

I can particularly remember one little tyrant. In the middle of the night, he poured an entire bottle of earing solution on my face and he threw my guitar out the two story window. Oh and he also dismantled his entire bed and threw that out too. Yep. And he was only seven years old!

Then there was Randi. She was twelve, pretty tall, non verbal, and she talked in screams and shreaks for whatever she wanted; She had what was called Cri Du Chat syndrome. (This is French for cry of the cat) Randi’s respite situation was like any normal one really. She was special needs, she had her little behavioral quirks, ya day a da. This is where the cat jumps out of the bag. While her foster parents were on their little retreat, they decided they wanted to extend it, forever.

After some prayer (and paperwork of course), Randi became more than just my weekly sister, and not without struggle. Like I said, every weekly sibling had their special needs, and their behaviors. When your siblings come and go you just have to put up with their past and hope not to get anything less sterile than earring solution on your face. But now I had a new sister with an extended family membership: exclusively including-- a lifetime warranty of discipline, love, and trust. 

Somehow in the mix I missed the fine print. I got a sister, I got a roommate, and…I got a target on my back. Here’s a clue. When your new sister isn’t used to having her own siblings, the stakes of capturing attention get a little higher. And so begin the cat fights. Almost daily I lost a few hairs from the grip of her hand and about twice a week I gave up a chunk of skin from her feisty fingernails.

Today Randi still lives with us through adult foster care and I am proud to call her my sister. When it comes to sibling rivalries our family is pretty standard. We fight over the tv or who gets to ride in the front seat, but we still love each other. Whatever God has next in store, well, that cat is still in His bag.

[specialworldjourney]

When Life Gives You Lemons, Sometimes They Squirt You In The Eye?

So if you read the previous post, you are awesome! Gold Star!! If not, here’s a really really quick run through…I’m the daughter of a pastor in Ohio. I have two older brothers (that are both old enough to be my father) and our newest family addition, is my adorable little brother, Levi, who was born with Down’s syndrome.

I guess before this point you could say we made lemonade out of a lemon. Having a child with Down’s syndrome (or in my case, brother) isn’t exactly the easiest chore, but you have to take what you have and make it sweet. Now that my family had gotten over the initial shock of being introduced to the world of raising a child with special needs, God said ahh, I see you have made lemonade; Share it! And that we did, with a new addition to the family. You are probably saying, whoa seriously, your parents are 47, they’re gonna raise more kids? Don’t worry, it was all in God’s plan and adoption spared the poor old lady’s womb.

In 1997, my parents were getting all kinds of magazines, pamphlets, etc. on how to raise a child with special needs. One of those monthly pamphlets exhibited children with disabilities that were up for adoption. And on the right inside fold was the picture of the lemony little dynamo, Eric. He was a cute little blonde, glasses, a quirky smirk, a few freckles. Yep, God said, he’ll do. It was a brilliant idea! Levi was getting older, and what better for him than to have a lifelong companion! So the family jumped in the 1987 AstroVan and took a four hour drive to Northeast Ohio to get my new little brother! Ok well, there was the paperwork, the background checks, the interviews with stuck-up state people in their golf polos, the court dates…you get the picture.

So we shared the lemonade with our new little addition.  You might even say we were experts at making at making it by now. But God brought a new lemon that put a giant squirt of humility in our corneas. 

Our family soon learned an important proverb: don’t judge a book by its cover…or in our case, don’t judge a picture by its pamphlet. Eric was adorable, yes. But I was convinced the four year old had to be criminally insane, and that’s an understatement! No he didn’t make you pull your hair out, don’t worry. He did it for you! My mom told me a few years back that when he first came, she was literally afraid of him. Let me give you a clue. Eric came with a hospital crib. Like the one they use for babies that have the little lock up door. We literally had to lock him in the crib at night so he wouldn’t destroy our house. Levi and I used to run around our house pretending that he was the boogieman. (There are plenty more stories and I could probably write at least three different blogs on them.)

Speaking of blogs, in the last one, remember when I said the pastor stereotype is that he is the man known for giving 72 second chances? Well my dad fits that stereotype crystal clear. My dad saw past Eric’s terror to his broken heart. Coming from a home of drugs where he was left in a crib for days there was no question that the four year old brought more emotional baggage than he did toys. He probably had more history than the WWI, and he was four! Every time Eric went on a terrible tyrant, he would get punished, but my dad told Eric he loved him. Every night before he went to bed and every morning he woke up, my dad told him he loved him. Soon we all started to love him, and he started to love us too.

Lemonade anyone?

[specialworldjourney]

Spicing Things Up!

In 1994, God dumped an entire bottle of Mrs. Dash on our family. Ok our life was pretty spicy before, but really? A whole bottle?

Ok get out the shaker.

Shake 1. Picture the late 80’s. My parents had two teenage boys, a dog named Melon (she was a collie..get it?!)  and a herd of 250 dairy cows in Northwest Wisconsin. Fairly normal right?

Shake 2,3,& 4. Basically overnight, my dad went from pasture Bob…to pastor Bob. The family sold the entire herd of cows, packed the house up in a rental truck and moved 700 miles to good old Ohio. Goodbye sun-up to sun-down milking, and hello preacher family stereotypes (you know, the pastor who gives 72 second chances, the pastor’s wife that makes great casseroles, and the pastor’s kids...well my brothers were saints compared to most.)

Shake 5 & 6. So the family seems pretty normal still. In 1991, God decided a couple more shakes on the hearty family was a brilliant idea… they got me! Ok it may be a little vain to give myself two shakes but you gotta admit, when your parents are at the prime of their mid-life crisis years and your older brothers are old enough to be your father, yeah that’s a little zesty.

And this is when the cover comes off of that perfectly concocted mix of decadent seasoning. On a cold winter day in February (Well I’m guessing it was cold, but I was only two years old so what do I know). My smiley little brother was brought into the world. He was perfect in God’s image, but a swat on the butt in the world’s eyes. Levi had a flat little nose, tiny ears, and a little thing the doctor’s call Down’s syndrome.

So this is the point when you’re saying, what?! God that was way too much! Nope, he says, I have a plan and unless it’s rich, it’s not gonna work. And on goes our zingy..and quirky, family adventure.