specters-notebook

[specters-notebook]

"It's looks like you're losing function in your hip."

I just turned 22.

The physical therapist looked scared while I was describing my levels of pain and discomfort.

I just turned 22.

[specters-notebook]

When you sift through the rubble of everything in your life that has fallen apart, the pieces that remain are what makes up you

[specters-notebook]

You lie down in the back seat of the car.

It's a sunny day, your music plays from your phone.

And suddenly, everything is worth it again.

And suddenly, you feel like yourself.

[specters-notebook]

"You are as welcome as the moonlight"

Buddy what the frick are you talking about

[specters-notebook]

I feel preprogrammed

Are my responses even real?

[specters-notebook]

He asks me if the scars are old

He probably thinks it has something to do with him

I can live without him, i just can't live with myself

[specters-notebook]

Sometimes I know that there are things in the woods.

I'm an adult, i shouldnt still look for creatures or listen for music where I know there are none.

But I don't have to look, I don't have to listen, I just see and hear.

[specters-notebook]

As if disbelief changes anything.

Disbelief? Denial? They are both so far removed from truth.

I lead myself to see what's here, to hear what's said.

[specters-notebook]

"Is there anything important we haven't talked about?"

The doctor asks, eyeing my scars

[specters-notebook]

I claim purple as mine. It's something to me, a favorite, a love, i choose it for myself. It looks like strength. It smells like grape juice. It makes me feel like the forest.