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P is for Possibility
March 12, 2010
summary:Â Youâve felt off for a few days. Nothing serious â just little things. Fatigue. Forgetfulness. A weird aversion to Garciaâs usual coffee. But when Spencer quietly starts connecting the dots himself, youâre forced to consider the one possibility neither of you had truly prepared for.
word count:Â
warnings: pregnancy, protective Spencer, gentle fluff, the BRIEFEST mention of a miscarriage (the word isnât even finished)
It started small.
You hadnât really noticed until Garcia waved a cinnamon latte under your nose and you had to excuse yourself from the room.
It wasnât that the smell was bad, it was fine. just⊠overwhelming. Too much. Too sweet. Like syrup poured over nerves.
You splashed cold water on your face in the bathroom and told yourself it was nothing. Youâd barely slept the night before. Youâd skipped lunch. You were fine.
Except you werenât sleeping well. And you werenât eating much. And the last time Spencer kissed your neck in that particular way, you didnât melt into him, you flinched, lightheaded. You sat on the edge of the sink counter and tried to count back. Days. Weeks.
Your last periodâŠ
You froze.
Then shook your head. No. No, itâs probably just stress. Travel. Jet lag. A long case cycle. This wasnât unheard of for you. Rare, yes, especially now that youâve gotten used to the jet rides and long cases, but not impossible.
But the thought didnât leave you.
And when you got back to the bullpen, Spencer was already looking at you like he knew.
When you got home from work that night. he didnât say anything at first.mJust⊠watched.
When you pulled your sweatshirt tight around yourself and curled up on the couch with tea instead of wine, he raised an eyebrow.
When you fell asleep halfway through an old sci-fi movie youâd both seen ten times, he shifted a little closer.
And when you winced while brushing your teeth that night, sensitive gums, he finally spoke.
âAre you okay?â
You met his eyes in the mirror.
âJust tired.â
âIs this the kind of tired that comes from long days,â he said gently, âor the kind that comes from⊠something else?â
You set the toothbrush down, heart thudding a little harder.
âI donât know,â you admitted. âI havenât really been keeping track.â
He stepped behind you and rested his hands on your hips. His touch was feather-light. Careful.
âI have.â
You turned slowly.
His eyes were steady. Not panicked. Just⊠searching. Waiting.
âI didnât want to say anything,â he continued, âin case youâd already ruled it out. But⊠the timing lines up.â
Your breath hitched.
âAnd Iâve been reading,â he added, almost sheepishly. âThe taste changes. Nausea. The fatigue. Even the weird touch sensitivity.â
âSpencerâŠâ
âIâm not saying you are.â His voice dropped. âIâm just saying⊠maybe we should check.â
You didnât answer. Instead you leaned into him and he caught you. Arms around your back, chin on your shoulder, heartbeat steady against yours.
It wasnât confirmation. Not yet. But it was something.
And it was enough for tonight.
You didnât sleep much. Neither did Spencer.
Not from nerves exactly, but from that kind of shared anticipation that settles low in your stomach. The quiet knowing that somethingâs shifting, even if you havenât said it out loud yet.
Heâd held you all night. No questions, no pressure. One hand on your waist. The other curled between your fingers like he was counting your pulse with his thumb.Â
When you finally rose just after seven, you padded around the apartment in the same sleep shirt youâd worn the night before. Spencer was already at the table, fully dressed in khaki pants and a soft navy sweater, reading on his phone.
You didnât need to ask what he was reading. You knew.
He looked up at you, eyes soft, searching.
âDo you want to go with me?â He asked.
You tilted your head. âWhere?â
âTo the store.â he said, no further elaboration. It wasnât needed.
âYeah.â
_____
You didnât know drugstores could feel sacred.
But walking down the feminine health aisle with Spencer by your side, his hand resting just near the small of your back, made you feel like the whole world had gone quiet.
He scanned the rows like he was at a crime scene. Eyes narrowing behind his glasses, voice quiet but certain.
âSo the First Response Early Result test has a lower threshold for detecting hCG than most over-the-counter brands, around 6.5 mIU/mL. That means itâs more sensitive and accurate earlier on.â
You blinked at him, half in awe. âDid you⊠study for this?â
He didnât even look sheepish. âIâve had the tab open since Sunday.â
You reached for his hand and squeezed. âOf course you have.â
He picked up a three-pack and turned it over in his hands. âThis oneâs good. Gives you a digital readout and a backup line test. Just in case.â
He carried it to the checkout for you. And he paid for it.Â
____
Spencer sat on the edge of the tub, hands resting between his knees. You stood barefoot on the tile, holding the small plastic test in one hand, the instruction paper in the other, even though you both already knew how it worked.
He looked up at you. âYou donât have to take it now if youâre not ready.â
âI think Iâll just be more anxious later.â
He nodded. âOkay.â
You inhaled slowly, deeply. Then:
âTurn around.â
Spencer smiled, a small one, barely there. âYes, maâam.â
He stood and faced the shower curtain like a student waiting for a pop quiz. You unwrapped the test, sat down, and did what needed to be done. When you stood again, test capped and balanced on the edge of the sink, Spencer turned around immediately.
âTimer?â
âAlready set.â He lifted his phone to show you. âThree minutes.â
You leaned back against the counter. He stood in front of you.
Neither of you touched the test. You didnât need to.
âAre you scared?â you asked softly.
He thought for a second. Then: âNo.â
You raised an eyebrow.
âIâm nervous,â he admitted. âBut not scared.â
âWhy not?â
He reached for your hand. âBecause whatever it says, Iâm looking at you. And youâre still mine.â
You exhaled.
The timer ticked down in his pocket.
2:381:591:140:430:12
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
You stared at the test. Then at him. Then at the test. Then back up at him.
He nodded, once. âWhenever youâre ready.â
Your fingers touched the plastic first. Then turned it over.
PREGNANT.
You didnât speak. Didnât blink. Didnât breathe.
The letters were simple. Small. Cold. Too quiet for what they meant. And yet they roared in your ears.
Your fingers trembled. Spencer didnât say anything, not right away. He just stood there, steady, barely breathing, eyes fixed on the same plastic window your whole future was now living in.
You looked up at him, barely able to focus. âItâŠit saysâŠâ
âI see it,â he whispered.
But saying it, speaking it out loud, made it real. Too real.
Your heartbeat started to pick up. Fast. Wild. Like your body was trying to outrun the realization building in your throat.
âI canât. Spencer, I canâtââ
His hands came up instinctively, reaching for your arms. âHey. Hey- look at me.â
But you were already backing away.
âSpence, we can't. Weâre not⊠this isnâtâŠâ You sucked in a breath, chest heaving. Your voice cracked in that awful, thin way it only did when panic edged too close. âI canât be pregnant, Spencer. Our job, our life⊠this isn't- this is dangerous!â
You stared at him, wide-eyed.
âI canât be out there, running profiles, chasing killers, carrying a gun and a baby. What if something happens? What if I get someone else killed because Iâm not fast enough or strong enough or-â
You broke off. Spencer had closed the space between you. But he didnât speak. So you kept going.
âWeâre supposed to fly to Denver next week and spend 48 hours in a field office crawling with agents and files and guns, and Iâm supposed to do that knowing thereâs a baby inside me? What if weâre ambushed? What if I get shot? What if I mis-?â
âStop.â Spencer said suddenly. Firmly. His voice cracked like a whip in the bathroomâs small echo.
You froze.
âIâm not going to let that happen,â he said again, softer and quieter now. âWe wonât let that happen.â
âYou think we control that?â
âNo,â he admitted, stepping in, hands landing gently at your waist. âBut I know what we can control. And we will.â
You looked up at him.
He held your gaze, unwavering. âIf that means one of us leaves the field, we leave. If that means we both walk away, we walk. If that means you want a desk job and I stay in the field, or vice versa, or we move to Virginia Beach and you work cases remote and I learn to cook every weird pregnancy craving you haveâŠweâll figure it out.â
Tears filled your eyes. Not from panic this time. From the sudden, gut-deep realization that he meant it.
Every word.
But your body still shook.
âSpencer, I just⊠I donât want this to ruin me,â you said. âI donât want to become someone who canât do the job anymore. I love our job. I love our team. And I donât want to be forced to hide behind a desk just because Iâm a woman and now IâmâŠâ You looked down, voice breaking. â...a mom.â
Spencer's hands slid to your face.
Your breath came faster. âDonât tell anyone yet. Please.â
He blinked. âWhat?â
You took his hands in yours. âNot yet. I want time. I want⊠space to figure it out before I have to explain myself to Hotch or Rossi or Morgan or anyone.â
Spencerâs face darkened. âYou want to keep working?â
âYes,â you said, quickly. âFor now. Until I have to stop. Iâll be careful. Iâll stay out of the field if it gets too intense. Youâll watch my back, like always.â
His jaw clenched. âYouâre pregnant. I canât just watch your back anymore. I have to protect you.â
âAnd you will,â you promised. âBut please donât ask me to lie down and disappear just because Iâm scared. I want normal for just a little longer.â
He closed his eyes. You felt the fight in him. The urge to lock the door and call Hotch and refuse to let you leave the apartment again until the baby was born.
But he breathed in. And out.
Then opened his eyes.
âOkay.â
You blinked. âOkay?â
âFor now,â he added, voice rough. âBut I want weekly updates. From you. From your doctor once you pick one. And the second something feels wrong, anything, you call me. Or you call Hotch. I donât care if weâre mid-case, you stop.â
âI will.â
He looked at you. Really looked.
And then, quieter: âYou promise?â
âI promise.â
He paused.
âWeâre having a baby,â he said again, softer this time.
You pressed your forehead to his and let the words settle.
âI know.â
And for the first time since the test turned over, you let yourself cry.Not because you were afraid. Because you finally believed it. And because somehow⊠You knew you were going to be okay.
_____
next chapter: *link*
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
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BUY ME A COFFEE
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O is for Over and Over
February 14, 2010
summary:Â You and Spencer celebrate your second Valentineâs Day with no prior plans, just each other.
word count:Â 1.5k
warnings: unprotected sex, multiple rounds, creampie, praise, overstimulation
You hadnât made reservations. You hadnât picked out something red or glittery. You hadnât even remembered it was Valentineâs Day until your case briefing ended and Hotch dismissed the team with a rare smirk and a, âGo enjoy your lives. Thatâs an order.â
So you went home. With Spencer. And that was enough.
The city light slanted through the living room window in soft golden bars. The radiator hissed faintly beneath the sill. Outside, snow melted in patches, leaving the sidewalks slick and dark. Inside, the apartment smelled like clean laundry and tea.
Spencer had cooked. Not extravagantly, just his version of comfort food. Pasta. Roasted vegetables. Garlic bread that nearly set off the smoke alarm. And now, he was leaning against the kitchen island in a loose gray T-shirt and navy plaid pajama pants, barefoot, glasses on, curls still slightly damp from a shower.
You emerged from the bedroom, having just finished your post-work shower. He was watching you with the kind of gaze that made your lungs stutter. Warm. Sure. Quietly wanting. You closed the space between you slowly. He tilted his head.
âYou wore my favorite,â he said softly, fingers toying with the hem of your tank top.
âI always do,â you whispered. âEspecially when I want something.â
His eyes flicked to yours. âWhat do you want?â
You leaned in close, brushing your lips against his jaw. âYou.â
His breath caught.
And then he was kissing you,deep and slow. The kind of kiss that filled your whole chest with pressure. His hands slid under your shirt and dragged it over your head. You raised your arms to make it easier for him.
âYouâre so soft,â he murmured, dragging his fingers down your ribs. âI never get used to how soft you are.â
You stepped back and let your sleep shorts fall to the floor. No underwear. Spencerâs breath visibly shuddered.
âYouâre trying to kill me,â he said.
You grinned. âJust testing your memory.â
He stepped closer, pressing his chest to yours, hands trailing down your back.
âI remember everything about you,â he whispered, voice low and reverent. âEvery inch. Every sound. Everything.â You hummed softly, seductively, pushing your hips into his.
âBedroom,â he said. You didnât walk. You ran.
You fell into the sheets tangled together, his mouth hot and open on your skin, his hands roaming like he couldnât choose which part of you he needed more.
He knelt between your thighs and looked down at you like you were art. Like he couldnât believe he got to keep you.
âOpen your legs,â he said.
You obeyed.
âWider.â
You obeyed.
His hands slid up your thighs, thumbs brushing just shy of where you wanted him.
âSpencer, please,â you begged.
âIâve got you,â he said. âYouâre not going anywhere.â
He leaned down and licked slowly up your center.
You gasped, back arching up toward him.
âYou taste so good,â he murmured against your skin. He pressed a few small kissed on your inner thighs before delving in.
He didnât tease.He devoured.
His tongue worked in perfect circles, two fingers sliding inside you, curling against your spot like heâd mapped it. You clutched the sheets, screaming his name, back arched, thighs shaking.
âSpenceâ Iâm gonna-â
He lifted his head just enough to whisper, âFinish for me, baby. Let me taste it.â
Your orgasm crashed through you like a wave, full-body, tearing you open at the seams. He kept licking, moaning into your skin like he needed it. When you finally collapsed, breathless and shaking, he climbed up your body, kissing your stomach, your breasts, your throat.
âIâm not done with you yet,â he said. He slid his pants off with a surprising gracefulness and pulled himself back from you at the chest.Â
He hooked one of your legs around his hip, pressing his tip against your entrance.Â
âPlease, Spence,â you begged.Â
He pushed in slow. So slow.
You whimpered, clenching around him, the stretch already overwhelming.
âShh,â he whispered. âYouâre doing so good.â
He bottomed out with a groan, forehead pressed to yours. You locked your ankles around his back, a signal for him to begin moving.
And he did.
Thrust after thrust. Deep, hard, unrelenting.
The bed rocked beneath you, hitting the wall. You briefly worried about the neighbors, but it quickly went away as he hit the spot inside you repeatedly.
You clawed at his back, moaning into his shoulder.
He brought a hand up to your chin, tilting your heat back up toward him. He kissed your mouth over and over, whispering your name between kisses. His hips began to stutter, a feeling youâve come to know well.
He wouldnât cum, not until you told him to. He would wait until youâve finished. His face was becoming red, like he wouldnât make it much longer.
âCum inside me, Spencer. Now,â You said, making intense eye contact with him.
He followed your order before you even finished your sentence. He locked his lips to yours, letting his soft whimpers and gasps be muffled into your mouth. You felt him pulsing inside you intensely as he filled you, his thrusts becoming smaller and smaller each time.
You both stayed like that for a long moment, bodies trembling, mouths pressed together, sweat sticking your chests together..
âAgain,â you whispered.
His eyes flared.
âYou sure?â
You nodded. âIf you can. I want it, Spencer.â
That was all he needed. The signal to please you.Â
He kissed you again,a little more desperate this time, a little less careful, and you could feel it in the way his hips instinctively pressed forward, he twitched inside you, still half hard, like he was already remembering how good you felt.
He rolled his hips once, slow and deep, and you gasped into his mouth.
âI can feel it,â he whispered, lips brushing against your cheek up toward your nose. âIt feels.. so good.â
You moaned softly, clutching at his arms.Â
He leaned back just enough to watch your face, then began to thrust again. Not hard, deliberate. Controlled. Like he was testing the rhythm again, easing his body back into yours.
You could feel every inch. Still stretched, still oversensitive, but wanting him so badly you couldnât stop your hips from moving with his.
âGod, you feelââ he broke off, panting. âItâs like youâre made for me.â
âYou say that every time,â you whispered, smiling through the heat.
He kissed your smile. âBecause itâs always true.â
His strokes grew a little deeper. The angle changed. You gasped when he hit that spot again, the one that made your thighs twitch and your breath stutter.
Spencerâs hand slid between your bodies, fingers brushing your clit, soft at first. You jolted, whining from the sudden overload.
âI know,â he soothed, âI know youâre sensitive. But you can take it. Canât you?â
âYes,â you choked out, head falling back into the pillow. âYes, please.â
âCan you cum again?â His voice was low and rough, and his words felt more like a command than a question.Â
You nodded helplessly, purposefully clenching around him
âYouâre gonna get it. love. Iâve got you.â
You didnât stand a chance. Between the way he pressed so deep inside you, angling just right, and the way his fingers rubbed your clit in that perfect, tight circle,you shattered again. A softer orgasm this time, but deeper, your body locking down around him in waves.
Spencer cursed, hips stuttering.
âYou feel so good when you come,â he groaned. âSo warm. So fucking tightââ
You felt his thrusts pick up speed, a little ragged, a little wild now. He was chasing it.Â
âSpencer, inside. Again. P-please.â
That was all it took. He dropped his forehead to yours, giving only 7 more quick and deep thrusts. He groaned loudly in your ear as he filled you for a second time. Each pulse of his cock was accompanied by a thrust so hard it probably wouldâve hurt had you not still been riding out your third orgasm.
After he stayed buried deep, barely moving, shaking from the intensity. You reached up and cradled his face, letting him breathe heavily into the curve of your neck.
Neither of you spoke for a long time.
His arms were tight around you. Your legs were still curled around his waist. His hips gave one last, lazy roll, and you gasped, still tender.
âSpenceâŠâ
âSorry,â he whispered. âI just didnât want to leave you yet.â
âYou donât have to.â
He smiled against your skin. âIâm not sure I can.â
You both laughed ,quietly, breathlessly,and kissed again, this time without urgency. Just love.
âI love you,â he said.
You smiled against his skin.
âHappy Valentineâs Day.â
_____
next chapter: p is for Possibility
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____
BUY ME A COFFEE
_____
Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!
_____
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N is for New York
February 1, 2010
summary:Â The city never sleeps, and neither do you, not when a high-profile case pulls the team into a whirlwind of brutal murders, scattered evidence, and media pressure, and then, after itâs all said and done, you get to go home to Spencer, not SSA Dr. Reid.
word count:Â 1.4k
warnings: Canon-typical case content (non-graphic), references to stalking and asphyxiation, made up case by me, this is not a real episode
There was always a hum beneath New York. Not just the sound of traffic or voices or subway brakes screeching from underground, but something deeper. A pulse. A living thing.
You felt it in the soles of your feet as you stepped out of the black SUV and onto 57th Street. Steam rose from a manhole cover like the city was exhaling through its lungs. The cold bit at your jaw, sharp and wet with February sleet, and your, (well, Spencerâs) scarf barely did enough to keep it out.Â
Spencer stood beside you, adjusting his coat collar with gloved hands, his eyes scanning the scene in front of the Plaza Hotel.
A womanâs body, staged with precise care, lay at the base of the fountain. Red cocktail dress. No shoes. Arms folded over her chest, fingers laced. She couldâve been asleep if not for the bruising around her throat.
You stepped closer, pulling latex gloves over your fingers, nodding to the NYPD detective who was speaking with Hotch. The officer looked frazzled, cheeks pink from windburn, eyes hollow from too many cups of stale coffee.
âShe was found around four-thirty this morning,â the detective said, flipping through a pocket notebook. âDoorman saw her when he came out to salt the walkway. Thereâs no sign she was dragged, footprints stop about fifteen feet back. He either carried her or had her walk most of the way.â
âShe was arranged,â you said softly, crouching down beside the body. âThis wasnât panic. It was reverence.â
Spencer stood beside you, eyes narrowed. âHe wants her seen.â
âHe dressed her again,â you murmured. âOr bought her this dress.â
âNo dirt on the hem,â he agreed. âNothing under the nails. She didnât struggle. Didnât even try.â
âBecause he never gave her a chance.â
Rossi joined you from the curb. âAll of them die the same way?â
Spencer nodded. âManual strangulation. Likely from behind. No ligature marks, but consistent bruising on both sides of the trachea. She wouldnât have lost consciousness right away.â
You swallowed.
âHe wanted her aware,â you said. âBut compliant.â
You could feel the rest of the team gathering, the weight of silence between them. You looked at the woman again, her face pale under the orange streetlight. Four women in total. All killed in the last twelve days. All found outside. All dressed like they were going somewhere important.
But they never made it.
The NYPDâs temporary task force headquarters had been set up in a precinct building off 10th Avenue: an old brick, cracked linoleum, buzzing fluorescent lights.
It was chaos.
Detectives shouted over each other in half-open cubicles, radios squawked, a box of half-frozen bagels sat untouched on a break room table, and Garciaâs voice came through a tiny speakerphone in short bursts of static and sass.
You settled into a desk beside Spencer, who had already spread three crime scene files across the table, his eyes darting from photo to photo like he could see something the rest of you missed.
You leaned in, nodding to the current case folder. âYou okay?â
He didn't look up. âItâs the staging that bothers me.â
âWhat about it?â
âSheâs not just dressed up. Sheâs⊠elevated. Posed with care. Like a gallery piece.â
You looked at the photos again. The soft makeup, the newly styled hair, the relaxed fingers.
âHe wanted her to look beautiful.â
âNo,â Spencer murmured. âHe wanted her to look grateful.â
That made your stomach twist.
Morgan pulled up a chair behind you, tossing a folder onto the desk. âNo shared workplace, no overlapping circles,â he said. âGarciaâs running phone records, but so far the victims didnât even live in the same boroughs.â
Emily walked in carrying two coffees, handing one to you.
âBut they all went out alone,â Morgan continued. âAll were seen leaving bars without friends.â
Spencerâs lips pressed into a thin line. âSo heâs watching for women who think they donât need protection.â
You spoke without meaning to: âThatâs not targeting. Thatâs punishing.â
The team went quiet. Hotch stepped into the doorway.
âConference room. Now.â
Inside the makeshift briefing room a dry-erase board and a projector was rigged up on an old cart. Less of a luxury than the BAU, however it worked good enough to see the profile. You and Spencer stood together near the far wall, backlit by city light.
âWhite male, mid-thirties to forties,â Hotch began. âOrganized, intelligent. Likely mobile. Each victim was killed within a few hours of being last seen, but they were disposed of hours after that.â
You nodded. âThat suggests he has somewhere to keep them. A garage, storage unit, or apartment with privacy.â
Emily tapped a marker against the board. âThe redressing means heâs watching them even after death.â
âCreating a tableau,â Spencer said quietly. âItâs not sexual. Itâs thematic.â
Morgan leaned against the wall. âThen whatâs the message?â
Spencer looked at you. You answered.
âThat women who move through the world confidently⊠shouldnât.â
Hotchâs expression didnât shift. âWe need to find his anchor. The thing heâs trying to erase.â
Hours passed.
You did interviews. You reviewed footage. You fielded media questions. The NYPD ran point on the press, but the headlines were everywhere.
THE PARK AVENUE STRANGLER.KILLERâS CANVAS: WOMEN AS ART.FIFTH BODY FOUND IN MIDTOWN.
By the time the sun dipped behind the skyline, the precinct felt heavier, like it had been running too long without a break. You sat beside Spencer again, typing notes into your laptop. Your eyes burned. Your back ached.
The break came the next morning.
Garcia found a digital connection: all five women had RSVPâd to a womenâs empowerment event run by a local podcast host named Ethan Kessler. He had no direct contact with them, but his tone-deaf, ego-driven content and rabid online following lined up with the unsubâs ideology.
Spencer and Morgan tracked him to a studio in Brooklyn. You rode along.
The sidewalk outside the building was wet from rain, streetlights casting blurred reflections in puddles. Spencer stood beside you, shoulder brushing yours.
âI donât like this,â you murmured. âItâs too quiet.â
âHe knows weâre coming.â
When Kessler opened the door, he didnât look surprised.
He was tall, thin, and well dressed. Too well dressed. Like someone playing a version of what he thought masculinity should look like. You hated him instantly.
Spencerâs voice was ice. âEthan Kessler, youâre under arrest.â
The man smiled. âTook you long enough.â You watched Spencer cuff him.
That night, back in your hotel room, the city was quiet.
Not outside. Outside, the horns still honked, and sirens still whined, and people still moved. But here, in this little box on the 20th floor, lit only by a lamp and the TV glowing faint blue, it was finally quiet.
Spencer sat beside you on the bed, still in slacks and an undershirt, a book open in his lap. You had your head on his shoulder.
âDo you think itâs bad?â he asked softly.
You looked up. âWhat?â
âThat I donât feel bad for him.â
You shook your head. âHe was a dick.â
He closed the book. âSometimes it scares me.â
âWhat?â
âThat I canât always see the good in this like you.â
You slid your arms around his middle, pressing your face into his side.
âThatâs part of what makes a team, Spence. We canât all be softiesâ
He kissed the top of your head. âBut itâs what I admire most about you. We knew Eth- Kessler didnât have a good childhood, but when I put him in cuffs⊠I almost felt like he deserved the bad childhood.â
âSpencerâŠâ you sighed. âItâs hard. On both sides. Seeing the good, and not being able to see it.â You kissed his shoulder. âYou do a great job just the way you are. Leave the sympathy to me and Garcia.â
He leaned forward, forehead to yours, breath warm between you.
âI love you,â he said, quietly but firmly. âI donât know what Iâd do if this job ever made me lose sight of that.â
âYou wonât,â you promised. âYouâll burn out before you get cold.â
A small laugh broke through his lips. âThat sounds unhealthy.â
âMaybe. But youâve got me.â
âAnd Iâve got you,â he said.
He set the book aside, finally, and pulled you down into the blankets with him, arms wound around your waist, noses brushing as you settled into the tangle of hotel pillows.
Outside, the city thrummed. Inside, Spencer breathed you in like a remedy.
And for once, in the middle of New Yorkâs chaos, you both slept.
_____
next chapter: o is for Over and Over
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M is for Motive
January 29, 2010
summary:Â The unsubâs profile hits a little too close to home for Spencer, and you challenge that, and it causes a rift between you.
word count:Â 1.1k
warnings: Canon-typical case violence (non-graphic), mentions of bullying and social rejection, team tension, general angst
There were always clues in the way a family died.
This one had died quietly. Two bodies: man and woman, early 30s, found seated in the living room. The TV was still playing. Wine glasses on the coffee table. Both of them executed.
âThird couple in three weeks,â JJ said as she stepped inside, zipping her coat tighter. âNo signs of forced entry. No evidence of a sexual component. Same signature, clean knife wound to the manâs carotid, multiple stab wounds to the womanâs chest and abdomen.â
You crouched next to the husband, eyes scanning the unnatural stillness of his body.
âHeâs ritualizing,â you said softly. âSame setup as last time. No struggle, no panic. He waits. He makes sure they see whatâs coming.â
Spencer stood at the threshold of the room, arms folded, eyes scanning the walls like they held hidden meanings. âThe woman always dies second. And she always has more wounds.â
You looked up at him. âRage?â
He shook his head slowly. âNot exactly. Itâs not random. Each wound is intentional. Almost⊠clinical.â
You frowned. âYou think heâs experimenting?â
Spencer didnât answer right away.
Hotch and Rossi stepped inside from the back hallway.
âGuys,â Hotch said. âWalk us through it.â
Spencer cleared his throat, stepping closer to the body.
âThis isnât about passion. Or money. Or revenge. Heâs making a point. Every element of the scene is deliberate. From the disarmed alarm system to the silent kills. Heâs watching the life leave them, and heâs doing it on his terms.â
âMeaning what?â Rossi asked.
Spencerâs brow furrowed. âHeâs recreating something. A moment. A betrayal. Something that stripped him of power. And now, heâs building it back. Kill by kill.â
You stepped in, arms crossed. âThat still sounds like control to me. Heâs choosing couples who represent something to him. He isolates them, stages them, then inflicts maximum trauma. Thatâs about power.â
Spencerâs voice was quiet, almost hesitant. âMaybe. But⊠I donât think this is just about control. I think itâs about shame.â
You glanced at him.
âHeâs not picking any couples,â Spencer said. âAll three were attractive. High-achieving. Outgoing. They fit a social archetype, the kind of people who ignore outliers. The kind who exclude.â
You realized what he was implying. âYou think he was bullied.â
âI think he was dismissed,â Spencer said. âBelittled. Probably gifted. Misunderstood. Heâs not trying to feel powerful. Heâs trying to prove that heâs not pathetic.â
Rossi raised an eyebrow. âSo this is retribution?â
Spencer nodded once. âYes. But not just for rejection. For humiliation.â
You hesitated. âThatâs a bold assumption.â
Spencer turned sharply. âItâs not an assumption.â
Your eyes narrowed. âSpenceââ
âI know what this is.â
Hotch stepped forward. âWhat do you mean?â
Spencer paused. His jaw clenched.
âHeâs not trying to scare them. Heâs trying to teach them. He wants them to see what they missed. What they laughed at. And now theyâll never forget him.â
The silence that followed was heavy.
You spoke carefully. âThatâs still about dominance.â
Spencer shook his head. âItâs not about power. Itâs about being seen.â
You pushed more firmly this time. âHeâs torturing people, Spence. Heâs not seeking validation. Heâs seeking vengeance. That makes him dangerous, not sympathetic.â
His voice rose, sharp and sudden. âYou think I donât know that?â
Everyone turned.
You blinked. âWhat?â
âYou think I donât know the difference?â he snapped, eyes suddenly shining with something too close to pain. âHeâs not me.â
You stared at him.
âNo one said he was.â
Morgan stepped in. âHey, letâs take a secââ
Spencer turned to Hotch. âIâm going back to the precinct. I need⊠I need a minute.â
And just like that, he was gone.
The silence stretched long after he left. You stood frozen in place.
Morgan looked between you and the empty door. âWhat the hell just happened?â
You didnât answer. You couldnât. Because you knew exactly what happened. He did see himself in the unsub. And it terrified him.
The drive back to the precinct was worse than the crime scene. You rode back with Morgan, as youâd rode here with Spencer, who was long gone.
Morgan was silent for the first ten minutes. You stared out the window, jaw tight, heart racing, trying to make sense of how quickly things had cracked.
When he finally spoke, it wasnât gentle.
âYou knew, didnât you?â
You turned to him, frowning. âWhat?â
âYou knew he was identifying with the unsub.â
You swallowed. âHe didnât say it outrightââ
âBut you saw it. And you kept pushing.â
Your voice cracked. âBecause I had to. We canât ignore the profile just because heâs uncomfortable.â
âHe wasnât ignoring it.â
âHe was getting emotional.â
âAnd you werenât?â
âI was justâ He shouldnât see himself in this unsub, Morgan.â
âYeah, I agree with you on that, but you know better than anbody else why he does.â
You both sat in silence the rest of the way.
You found Spencer in the break room. He was standing at the counter with his back to you, his hands wrapped around a paper cup of coffee he hadnât touched.
âHey,â you said softly through the doorway. He didnât turn around. You stepped inside. âCan we talk?â
Still nothing. So you moved to stand beside him. He looked wrecked. Tired. Small.
âI wasnât trying to make you feel like the unsub,â you said.
âI know,â he said flatly.
âI was doing my job.â
âI know.â
âBut I couldâve said it differently.â
He looked down. âYou were right.â
âNo,â you said quietly. âNot completely.â
He finally met your eyes.
âI didnât mean to humiliate you,â you said.
âI didnât mean to snap.â
You reached for his hand. He let you take it.
âYouâre not like him,â you said. âBut I understand why it felt like you were.â
He swallowed hard.
âI just hated how familiar it was,â he admitted. âThat feeling. Of being the one no one listens to. The weird one. The outsider. The one everyone⊠laughs at behind his back.â
âYouâre not that kid anymore.â
âI know. But sometimesâŠâ His voice cracked. âIt still feels like I am.â
You squeezed his hand. âAnd you thought I saw that too.â
He nodded.
âI donât,â you said.
He blinked.
âI see you now. All of you. The man youâve become. The partner. The profiler. The person who can stand in front of a team and break a case wide open because no one else couldâve seen what you did.â
His eyes filled with tears.
âI love that man,â you whispered. âNot just the brilliant parts. All of it. Even when itâs hard.â
He pulled you into his arms, holding you tight, face buried in your shoulder.
âIâm sorry,â he murmured.
âSo am I.â
_____
next chapter: n is for New York
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
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L is for Longing
January 13, 2010
summary:Â Spencer is finally back to himself. His leg has healed, his confidence is returning, and with it comes a slow-burning desire for something deeper.
word count:Â 1.3k
warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, creampie, dom!Spencer, light restraint (tie around wrists), praise kink, soft control themes, deep emotional intimacy, aftercare
It was a quiet night. Not tense. Not heavy. Just⊠still.
The kind of stillness that feels earned. Spencer got cleared from his cane today. He can go back into the field, full movement.Â
You were freshly showered, your hair damp, wearing one of Spencerâs button-downs and nothing else. It hung off your shoulders, brushing the tops of your thighs as you walked barefoot through the apartment. Your apartment.
Spencer was finishing dishes in the kitchen. His sleeves were rolled to his forearms, a towel thrown over his shoulder, curls damp from his own shower. His long fingers moved with absent precision, rinsing a plate and placing it gently on the rack.
âYou donât have to do that tonight,â you said, leaning against the counter.
âI like to,â he replied simply. âIt helps me think.â
You smiled softly. âAbout what?â
He paused. Then looked up at you.
âAbout how good it feels to be normal again.â
You crossed the space between you and slid your arms around his waist. He leaned into you without hesitation.
âI like being normal with you,â you whispered.
He kissed your temple. âSo do I⊠Iâve been thinking,â he murmured against your ear, âabout something I want to try.â
You looked up at him. âWhat kind of something?â
He took the dish towel off his shoulder and hung it on the hook beside the sink. Then he turned, wiped his hands on his pants, and held out his hand to you.
âCome with me.â
You followed him down the hall in silence, the apartment dimly lit by the warm glow of bedside lamps and the faint spill of city lights through the blinds.
In the bedroom, he didnât let go of your hand. He stood in front of you for a moment, eyes soft but unreadable.
âTake off your shirt.â
Your breath caught. Not at the request, but the tone. It wasnât rushed. Or uncertain.
It was quiet. Steady. Confident.
You obeyed slowly, sliding the oversized button-down from your shoulders and letting it fall to the floor.
You were completely bare beneath it.
Spencerâs eyes swept over you, not with hunger, but reverence.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he murmured. âEvery time I look at you, I forget what I was saying.â
You smiled, feeling your cheeks warm. âGood thing you donât forget the important stuff.â
âI donât forget this,â he said, stepping closer. âWhat it feels like to have you. To be trusted by you.â
He reached into the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out one of his silk ties.
âI want to try something,â he said again, voice still low, calm. âBut only if you want it too.â
You nodded. âTell me.â
He stepped behind you and gently guided your arms forward, wrapping the tie loosely around your wrists, not binding, just resting. His fingers moved delicately, knotting the silk in a way that made you feel held, not trapped.
âI donât want to restrict you,â he murmured. âI want to remind you how much I can take care of you.âÂ
You looked over your shoulder. âAnd what do you want me to do?â
His lips brushed your shoulder. âJust let me.â
He guided you gently backward until your knees hit the mattress. You sat, hands resting in your lap, wrists draped in silk.
Spencer stepped back and just looked at you.
âYou donât know what you do to me,â he said softly. âThe way you look when youâre undone. The way you trust me enough to be undone.â
You opened your mouth to speak, but he knelt in front of you first. His hands sliding up your thighs, spreading them slowly apart.
âStay like that,â he said. âLet me look at you.â
You whimpered, already aching under the weight of his voice.
He kissed the inside of one thigh. Then the other. Then dragged his mouth, open and slow, up toward your center.
And then he licked. Slow. Deliberate. Expert.
You cried out, hips bucking forward, but he pressed your thighs down with firm hands.
âNo,â he said. âLet me have you.â
You melted into it, his tongue tracing lazy circles over your clit, dipping lower, stroking upward again until your whole body was trembling.
You writhed under his mouth, your hands clenched in silk, gasping his name.
âSpencerâ please,â you begged.
He pulled back just enough to whisper, âGood girl.â
And then he sucked harder. You came with a cry, your whole body arching off the bed, his name on your tongue like a prayer. But he didnât stop.
He licked you through it, slow and soft now, coaxing every last wave out of you, until your thighs shook and you collapsed back onto the bed.
He climbed up after you, kissing your jaw, your neck, your temple.
âYou still okay?â he asked.
You nodded breathlessly. âPerfect.â
He kissed your lips, deep and messy. You could taste yourself on his tongue.
âI want to feel you,â he said, voice rough. âAll of you.â
He lined himself up against your entrance and paused, forehead pressed to yours.
He pushed in, slow, steady, unrelenting, until he was fully buried inside you.
You gasped at the stretch, the heat, the weight of it.
Spencer moaned, deep in his throat. âOh god, y/nâŠâ
You rolled your hips experimentally. He groaned again.
âDonât move. Let me.â
You obeyed, watching as he began to thrust, slow at first, then faster, deeper. Each one pushed you further up the mattress, your hands still wrapped loosely in silk.
His hand slid under your knee, lifting it to wrap around his waist. The angle made you whimper.
âYouâre so tight,â he gritted. âSo perfect for me.â
You arched your back, letting him in deeper.
âYou feelso good, Spence. Fuckââ
He kissed you, hard, swallowing your gasp.
âYouâre mine,â he growled. âYou understand?â
âYes. Yes. Please.â
He didnât let up, just kept thrusting, deeper and harder, until you were shaking under him, your head thrown back, mouth open in a silent cry.
âCan you cum for me?â he whispered. âCan you give me another one, baby?â
You fell apart with a sob, clenching around him, body convulsing in pleasure.
You gasped his name, breathless and desperate, as your body spasmed around his length.
But Spencer didnât slow. He groaned, low and guttural. He quickly loosened his tie from your wrists, never once losing his rhythm. He grabbed your wrists, pinning them gently above your head.
âYouâre so fucking tight when you cum,â he rasped. âYou think I can last when you do that to me?â
You whined under him, overstimulated, but wanting more.
He pulled his hips back slowly, dragging out of you with maddening precision, then thrust back in hard. You choked out a moan.
âYouâre gonna take it,â he murmured. âAll of me. Every last bit.â
He leaned down, kissed your jaw, your neck, your shoulder, a contrast to how hard he was fucking you now.
You felt the tremble in his arms, the way his rhythm started to stutter.
You licked your lips and whispered, âCum inside me, Spencer. I want it.â
That did it.
He groaned, deep and raw, and buried himself one final time, holding you tight as he spilled into you.Heat, fullness, surrender.
His body collapsed against yours, chest heaving. He didnât pull out right away. Just held you. His chest against yours. His breath in your hair.
âJesus,â he whispered. âThat wasâŠâ
You nodded against his shoulder. âYeah.â
He kissed you softly, slower now, no urgency.
âDid I hurt you?â he asked quietly.
âNo,â you said, cupping his cheek. âYou made me feel safe.â
He exhaled. âThatâs all I wanted.â
You pulled the blanket over your tangled bodies, wrapping your arms around him, both of you still glowing from it all.
The stars from his ceiling projector glimmered faintly above. And you felt more in love with him than you ever have.
_____
next chapter: m is for Motive
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____
BUY ME A COFFEE
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Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!
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K is for Keys
December 29, 2009
summary:Â After asking you to move in with him, Spencer enlists help from the only people he trusts to lift priceless books and a mattress: the BAU.Â
word count:Â 1.3k
warnings: Fluff, found family vibes, light sexual references, heavy teasing, team shenanigans, domestic content
Spencer was trying not to panic.
His pulse was steady. Heâd re-checked his list. The diagram of his living room was folded in his back pocket. The moving schedule was printed and laminated in two colors.
He had this.
Still, he couldnât help the flutter in his stomach as he stood in the bullpen, clearing his throat awkwardly.
âSo⊠I, um, I was wondering if anyone might be free next weekend to, uhââ
âSpencer,â Emily cut in, looking up from her desk, âare you trying to ask us to help you move?â
âWell, not me, exactly. Y/Nâs moving into my apartment and I just⊠thought it might be faster if I had help.â
Derek looked up slowly. âHold up. Sheâs moving in?â
Spencer nodded.
The bullpen went silent for one long second.
âDamn,â Morgan said. âReid finally went domestic.â
Spencer opened his mouth to argue, then paused. âYeah. I guess I did.â
JJ leaned across the aisle, grinning. âIâm proud of you. Huge leap forward in emotional vulnerability.â
Penelope popped up behind Morganâs shoulder. âBaby genius, you have no idea how long Iâve been waiting to see you play house.â
âI made spreadsheets,â Spencer offered. âOf where things go. And a zone plan for optimal unpacking flow.â
Rossi strolled by with his coffee. âDid you label the zones alphabetically?â
Spencer blinked. âWhat other way would there be?â Thereâs a packing list, a transport list, a drop zone plan for my apartment, and an alphabetical inventory of Y/Nâs bookshelf so we can match them to mine with minimal redundancy.â
Emily blinked. âA drop zone plan? Is this a move or a classified military operation?â
âBoth,â Penelope chirped as she joined them. âHeâs trying to relocate the literal love of his life. That requires strategic logistics.â
Spencer flushed. âSheâs not just the love of my lifeâŠâ
âBaby,â Penelope cut in gently, hand on her heart. âYou sweet, nervous brain genius. We are so helping you move. But youâre gonna have to let go of the clipboard.â
Spencer looked around, eyes wide. âReally? Youâll help?â
Morgan grinned. âYouâre lucky we love both of you. I carried Rossiâs fainting goat up four flights of stairs once. I can definitely lift a bookshelf.â
âYou did that one time,â Emily muttered. âAnd youâve brought it up every day since.â
âI dislocated my shoulder!â Morgan shouted
âJust one thing,â Derek added as he leaned in, eyes glinting. âSheâs comfortable sleeping with a nightlight every night?â
Spencer froze.
âI donât use it every night,â he muttered.
JJ raised a brow. âSpenceâŠâ
He sighed. âFine. Most nights. Itâs not even a real nightlight, itâs a projection of the northern hemisphereâs star map.â
âSo it glows,â Emily said.
âItâs educational,â Spencer replied, flushed..
Hotch, appearing from his office like a ghost, looked over the rail. âIf I come down there, is this a tactical meeting or a bake sale?â
Emily grinned up at him. âNeither. Weâre moving Y/N into Spencerâs apartment.â
Hotch blinked. Slowly. âYouâre⊠what?â
Spencer cleared his throat. âIt was my idea. Sheâs moving in with me. I thought Iâd ask the team to help. I can pay everyone in pizza and rare academic gossip.â
A silence fell.
Then Hotch nodded once.
âIâll carry the mattress.â
Saturday:
You opened the door to a scene of absolute moving day chaos.
Emily had already taken command of the hallway traffic. âOne person in, one person out. Garcia, youâre float support. Morgan, youâre designated hauler.â
âWhy am I always hauler?â Morgan shouted from inside.
âBecause weâve seen your arms, Derek!â Penelope yelled back. âNow lift something and stop complaining.â
You leaned on the doorframe, laughing. âRemind me again why we thought letting THEM move my life was a good idea?â Spencer appeared behind you with a clipboard. You snorted. âYou labeled my bedroom boxes with color-coded tags.â
âI didnât want my bed covered in kitchen utensils,â he said seriously. âThis is a logical system.â
You turned to the group. âNo one tell him I packed a whisk in my sock drawer.â
âI knew it!â he said.
âSpence,â you whispered as you pulled him aside. âYou realize you just turned our move into a covert BAU team-building day?â
âI made a spreadsheet and everything,â he murmured, waving the clipboard. âPlus, I factored in a break for sugar crashes and potential emotional crises.â
You laughed, pressing a kiss to his cheek. âGod, I love you.â
He flushed bright pink.
âHey, lovebirds,â Emily called. âWhich box has your matching coffee mugs with the literary puns? Because I swear Iâm taking the âBrewlio and Espressoetteâ ones.â
You groaned. âTheyâre in the âkitchen - delicateâ box.â
Rossi strolled in carrying a tray of cappuccinos. âI was told this mission required fuel.â
âOh my god,â you muttered. âThey really came.â
âThey really came,â Spencer said, looking like he might cry.
As you stepped inside, you saw Morgan hauling a box labeled âbedroom â soft / personal.â He stopped mid-step, arched a brow, and said, âSo⊠which drawer should I toss this box in? Top, middle, or the one you keep your lace stuff in?â
Spencer audibly squeaked.
âIâm just sayinâ,â he grinned, âif weâre gonna be moving lingerie around, there should be hazard pay.â
Emily leaned in behind him. âAt least bubble wrap it first. Protect the national treasures.â
Later at Spencerâs, you were digging through a âmiscellaneousâ box when he spotted something in the bottom of the box.
âWhatâs that?â he asked, walking over.
You held up a ridiculous, worn-out stuffed rat in a tiny vest. âOh! meet Chairman Meow. Heâs been with me since high school.â
Spencer blinked. âThatâs a rat.â
âIn a corduroy vest.â
ââŠNamed Chairman Meow?â
You grinned. âIt was a pun at the time. Iâve grown attached.â
He held it gently by the arm. âHeâs got a little monocle stitched on.â
âI added that during college. And before you ask, yes, he sleeps in the bed.â
Spencer blinked. âWith⊠us?â
You raised a brow. âWith me. Itâs a package deal, genius.â
He smiled down at the stuffed rat. âI guess Iâve made room for stranger things.â
You gently tossed Chairman Meow into the âmove to nightstandâ pile.
Emily found your high school yearbook.
You groaned. âNo. Absolutely not.â
âOh, come on,â he teased, flipping it open. âWait, your senior quote was from The Princess Bride?â
You reached for it. âGive it back.!
Boxes were stacked neatly along the walls, thanks to Rossiâs uncanny spatial reasoning skills and Spencerâs insane level of preparation. A few photos were already on display, including one Penelope snuck in of the entire team eating ice cream after a case in Savannah.
You stood in the middle of the apartment, cheeks flushed from the cold and the effort, as Spencer locked the door behind the last of the team.
âWell,â he said, dropping the clipboard onto the counter. âWe did it.â
You looked around the room.
Your books next to his. Your throw blanket on his couch. Your coffee in the freezer for the next morning.
Your toothbrush in the holder next to his.
âI really live here now,â you said softly. âItâs real.â
He nodded, stepping close, arms wrapping around your waist. âAnd itâs perfect.â
You rested your head against his chest. âYou sure youâre ready for me full time?â
âIâve never been more sure of anything in my life,â he whispered.
You pulled back, grinning. âEven if I keep stealing the blankets?â
âI run hot.â
âEven if I have three different shampoos in the shower?â
âYou deserve options.â
âEven with Chairman Meow watching us sleep?â
ââŠIâll get used to itâ
You laughed, pressing your lips to his. And you were home.
_____
next chapter: l is for Longing
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____
BUY ME A COFFEE
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Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!
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J is for Just Stay Forever
December 18, 2009
summary:Â A quiet evening in Spencerâs bed turns into something heavier. Something real. As you both navigate grief, fear, and the emotional fallout of Haleyâs death, Spencer has a realization.
word count:Â 1k
warnings: Mentions of canon character death (Haley Hotchner), emotional vulnerability, post-trauma reactions, soft domesticity, heavy fluff, mentions of sex (non-explicit), safe space themes
The heat in Spencerâs apartment rattled gently through the vents as snow tapped against the windows. Outside, Quantico was covered in a soft hush, the kind that comes after a snowfall just heavy enough to quiet the city but not enough to shut it down.
You were tucked under Spencerâs comforter, wrapped in one of his t-shirts and a pair of your sleep shorts. He lay beside you, shirtless, glasses perched on the edge of his nose as he flipped through a medical journal with one hand and toyed with your fingers using the other.
Youâd spent the day working a case, and ended it curled in his bed after a shower and lazy post-sex giggles. Now, you were both just drifting in that sleepy, soft kind of intimacy you only get after months of knowing someoneâs skin and soul.
He turned the page with his pinky and gave a tiny hmm.
âSomething good?â you asked.
âJust a study on neural elasticity after long-term trauma. Apparently, patients with high emotional intelligence actually recover faster from acute stress disorders.â
You blinked. âDid you just call me emotionally intelligent?â
He laughed quietly and glanced down at you. âI said patients. But⊠yeah. I guess I did.â
You smiled. âIâm putting that in my file. Verbal confirmation from Dr. Spencer Reid: Iâm emotionally intelligent.â
He rolled his eyes but didnât stop smiling.
Your fingers traced lazy circles on his bare chest. âYou know, I always feel smarter just being in the same room as you.â
âThatâs because you are smart,â he said instantly. âYou donât need me to prove that.â
You tilted your head toward him. âStill. I like that we can talk like this. About cases, trauma⊠brain elasticity.â
He closed the journal and set it on the nightstand, then turned fully onto his side to face you. âIt makes everything feel less heavy.â
You nodded. âItâs been a really tough few months.â
The shift in the air was immediate. He looked at you, quiet and still.
âHaley,â you said softly. âI havenât stopped thinking about it.â
Spencer sighed through his nose. âNeither have I.â
You reached up and brushed his curls back from his forehead. âI canât imagine what itâs been like for Hotch.â
He nodded slowly, eyes distant. âItâs like Iâve been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since. Every sound, every late call, every team text that comes in when weâre off duty⊠I just assume someone else is dead.â
You swallowed hard. âYou thought it might be me.â
He hesitated. Then nodded. âYeah.â
You scooted closer, arms wrapping around his waist. âI hate that we live in a world where thatâs a valid fear. But I get it.â
He pressed his nose into your hair. âHotch said something to me the other day. He said the worst part wasnât watching her die. It was that he couldnât stop it. He couldnât even say goodbye.â
You didnât speak. You just held him tighter.
âI keep thinking,â he continued, voice raw, âwhat if that were you? What if I never got to say goodbye to you?â
You pulled back just enough to look at him.
âYou wonât have to,â you said. âBecause Iâm not going anywhere.â
âBut you could,â he whispered. âThatâs the thing. We both could. Just as easily as each other. As.. as HaleyâŠâ
You reached for his face, palms cupping his jaw. âSpencer. Look at me.â
He did. Wide, glassy eyes.
âI know what we do is dangerous. I know what happened to Haley changed everything. But Iâm not going to disappear.â
There was a long pause.
âPlease, Y/N,â he said, his voice breaking on the words. âJust stay forever.â
Your breath caught in your throat.
âI mean it,â he said, his hands sliding to your hips. âMove in with me.â
Your heart skipped.
You knew this wasnât impulsive. It wasnât just panic or grief talking. It was clarity. It was Spencer being vulnerable in the way only he could, by telling you his deepest fear and then trusting you to hold it.
âAre you sure?â you whispered.
He nodded once. âI want to wake up with you every day. I want to come home and find your shoes by the door and your coffee cup in the sink. I want to know youâre not just here tonight. Youâre here forever.â
You felt your throat tighten. âOkay,â you whispered. âYes.â
His arms wrapped around you so tight you could barely breathe, but you didnât care.
âYou really want me here all the time?â you teased against his shoulder.
He laughed into your neck. âY/N, Iâve wanted you here since the first night you stayed over and made me watch AmĂ©lie with Spanish subtitles and microwave popcorn.â
You grinned. âYou mean the night you fell asleep drooling on my chest?â
âI was exhausted!â
You kissed his temple. âYouâre lucky youâre cute.â
He sighed again, this time with something like peace.
âYou donât have to move in all at once,â he said quietly. âJust⊠start staying. More and more. Until it just feels like home.â
You nodded against his skin. âIt already does.â
He reached for the blanket and pulled it tighter around you both.
âI think this might be the safest Iâve felt in weeks,â he said.
You smiled into his chest. âMe too.â
And just like that, the fear began to settle. Not gone. Not forgotten. But softened by the promise of something lasting forever.
_____
next chapter: k is for Keys
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
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I is for Intimate
December 3, 2009
summary: After the chaos of Foyet and the grief that rippled through the team, everythingâs been quieter but not necessarily easier. Spencer hasnât let himself feel anything deeply, until tonight.Â
word count: 1.4k
warnings: Smut, emotional vulnerability, soft!dom Reader, sub!Spencer, praise kink, gentle oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, heavy emotional themes.
The apartment was quiet except for the soft hum of the heater and the kettle sputtering on the stove.
Spencer hadnât said much since you left the office. He wasnât being distant, exactly, just⊠heavy. The kind of quiet that wraps around someoneâs shoulders like a weighted blanket. Youâd seen it creeping in since Foyet. Since Haley. Since Jack stopped by the bullpen one morning, wide-eyed and quiet while Hotch signed a custody form with fingers that trembled just barely.
Spencer didnât talk about it. Not directly. But you saw it in how he moved. The slow, careful way he typed reports. The way heâd start chewing on his pen caps again. The way he hadnât shaved in almost a week.
Now, he sat on your couch, hunched in his favorite hoodie, the one he always stole from your laundry basket. He looked small, somehow, despite his height. Legs folded up beneath him, hands wrapped around the mug of tea you made him. He hadnât touched it.
You came over, still in your BAU sweats, and dropped onto the couch beside him, shoulder to shoulder.
âSpence,â you said softly. âYouâre here, but youâre not really here.â
His eyes flicked toward you, wide and weary. âI know,â he whispered. âI just⊠I havenât figured out how to come back yet.â
You reached for his hand. He let you hold it. Cold fingers threaded through yours.
âYou donât have to say anything smart,â you told him. âOr even feel okay. But I donât want you to shut me out.â
He nodded slowly. âIâm trying not to.â
There was a pause. You could feel his heart beating through his palm. Too fast.
âI keep thinking,â he said, voice barely audible, âif it had been me instead of Hotch⊠no wife, no son, no one depending on me⊠I donât think Iâd have fought back. I think I wouldâve just let him.â
His voice cracked in the middle of it, and you sat up straight.
âSpencer,â you whispered, reaching for his face. âDonât say that.â
He looked at you with wet, desperate eyes. âIâm sorry. I just⊠everything feels so fragile. You could go to work tomorrow and not come home. I could. And Iâm tired of pretending like we have forever.â
Your heart twisted. âSo donât pretend.â
You leaned in slowly, giving him time to pull away. He didnât. Your lips met softly. Tentatively. His mouth tasted like slightly too strong tea.
His hand rose to your face, shaky fingers cupping your cheek. You kissed him deeper. Warmer. Letting him feel how much you needed him. Not in the hungry, breathless kind of way. In the way you wanted to wrap yourself around every thread holding him together and keep him from unraveling.
You climbed into his lap, straddling him slowly. He gasped into your mouth.
âCan I touch you?â you asked softly, lips brushing his.
He nodded. âPlease.â
You kissed him again, slower this time, your hands drifting under the hem of his hoodie. You felt the sharp plane of his hips, the heat of his skin. He sighed, like the first exhale after holding his breath all month.
Your fingers found the hem of his shirt, lifting it gently. He sat up enough to help you pull it over his head. Pale skin and freckles. A few scattered bruises from the last case. You kissed each one. Reverent.
âGod,â you murmured, âyouâre beautiful.â
Spencer flushed all the way down his chest. âYou always say that.â
âBecause itâs always true.â
You kissed him again, slower, deeper. His hands rested on your thighs, gripping gently.
âYou okay?â you asked, pulling back just enough to see him.
He nodded. âItâs just⊠I missed you.â
âIâm right here.â
You pushed his hoodie off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor behind the couch. Then you took his hands and brought them to the hem of your shirt.
âCan I?â he asked.
âPlease.â
He pulled it over your head carefully, like it was something fragile. Like you were. His eyes traveled over you, slow and wide.
âYouâre so⊠I donât even have the words.â
You leaned close. âGood thing I do.â
You kissed his throat, his collarbone, the soft spot under his jaw that made him whimper. Then you took one of his hands and slid it under your bra, guiding it to your breast.
His breath caught. âOhâŠâ
âYou can touch me,â you whispered. âI want you to.â
He groaned softly, thumb brushing over your nipple. You gasped, grinding down just slightly. You could feel how hard he already was, straining through his sweatpants.
You kissed him again, this time with teeth. You wanted him to feel wanted.
Your hands slid down to his waistband. âCan I take these off?â
He nodded quickly. âYes. Yes, please.â
You stood and tugged his pants and boxers down in one motion, revealing all of him. You dropped to your knees, letting your fingers trace up his thighs.
Spencer watched you with wide, awe-struck eyes. âYou donât have toââ
âI want to,â you said firmly. âI want to take care of you.â
He whimpered, resting his hands on your shoulders. You kissed the inside of his thigh, then the base of his cock, then up the shaft, slow, gentle kisses until he was trembling.
When you finally took him into your mouth, he moaned so loud it echoed in the room.
âGod, Y/NâŠâ
You sucked slowly, easing him deeper, letting him hit the back of your throat before pulling back with a pop. His legs shook.
âIâm not gonna last if you keep doing that,â he gasped.
You grinned and climbed back into his lap. âThatâs okay. Weâve got all night.â You kissed him again, deeper this time. âYou ready?â you asked softly, lining him up with your entrance.
He nodded. âPlease. I need to feel you.â
You sank down slowly, inch by inch, until he was buried deep inside you. You both gasped at the stretch.
âOh my god,â Spencer whispered. âYou feelâŠâ
âPerfect?â you teased, rocking your hips.
âYeah,â he moaned. âSo perfect.â
You moved slowly, riding him with long, deep strokes. His hands gripped your hips like they were the only thing anchoring him to the earth.
âSpence,â you whispered, âlook at me.â
He did. Eyes glossy, lips parted, curls sticking to his forehead.
âYouâre not alone,â you told him. âIâm right here. Iâm not going anywhere.â
His eyes welled with tears. âI love you.â
You stilled, just for a moment. You leaned in, kissed the tears from his lashes. âI love you too.â
âY-Y/N,â he moaned. You rode him harder as he spoke, enjoying the stutter you were causing him âCan I- FUCK!â
âCan you what, baby?â you said, planting a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose.
âCan I cum i-inside you?â He hid his face in your shoulder as the words passed his mouth.
âIf thatâs what you want, of course you can.â You said. You didnât have to police Spencer on the chances of pregnancy or anything. You knew he knew.
It didnât take long. He cried out as he came, arms wrapped around you, face buried in your neck.
You followed just after, hips stuttering, a gasp torn from your lips as you clenched around him, shaking with the force of it.
You collapsed against him, both of you still trembling. He kissed your shoulder, your jaw, your forehead.
âYou okay?â you whispered after a while, the two of you still stuck together in a soggy pool of what leaked out of you. Something that would totally gross Spencer out if it wasnât the love of his life on top of him.
He nodded against your skin. âBetter than Iâve been in months.â
You lifted your head and smiled at him.
âThen letâs go to bed. I want to fall asleep next to you.â
He helped you clean up, and you both climbed into your bed, tangled in blankets and each other. His head on your chest, your fingers stroking his curls.
Before sleep took him, he whispered, âThank you. For giving me something good again.â
You pressed a kiss to the top of his head. âAlways.â
_____
next chapter: J is for Just Stay Forever
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____ BUY ME A COFFEE _____
a/n: i uh really like this chapter ahahahaha
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H is for Haley
November 25, 2009
summary:Â Haley Hotchner is killed.
word count:Â 307
warnings: spoilers for season 5, death, loss of a parental figure
100 05x09
Foyet lay on the floor, pierced by bullets, but Haley... she was pale, bleeding, her life slipping away.
Hotch stood over her, hands shaking, his expression broken.
Your knees nearly gave out, but Spencer was there, arms steady around you, holding you up even as his own eyes shimmered with tears he refused to shed.
Jack was hidden in the chest, trembling, clutching his small hands to his chest. Hotch knelt before him, whispering words of comfort that barely masked his own anguish.
JJ gently took Jack by the hand, leading him away.
You stayed behind with Spencer and Hotch, the weight of loss crushing down on all of you.
Later, in the calm of Quantico, Jack sat between Garcia and Emily, clutching a juice box and chattering about his recent âvacation.â You watched him carefully, heart breaking for the child who had just lost his mother.
Hotch entered the room and Jackâs face lit up with a fragile smile.
âDaddy!â he called, running to him.
Hotch caught him easily, tears streaming down his face. You could see the lines of exhaustion and heartbreak etched deeply into Hotchâs features.
Spencer looked at Jack and then back at Hotch, fear clouding his usually sharp mind, a silent prayer that heâd never have to endure this kind of pain.
The days that followed were a haze of funeral preparations and quiet moments. The white casket was cold beneath your fingertips as you stepped forward to carry it in Spencerâs place.Â
Spencer stood beside you, hands trembling as he wrapped one arm around you in a desperate embrace.
In the quiet moments after, as the team sat around the conference table with empty coffee cups and heavy hearts, you reached for Spencerâs hand. Together, you held tight, grounding one another in a world that had suddenly shifted beneath your feet.
_____
next chapter: I is for Intimate
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____ BUY ME A COFFEE _____
a/n: The writing style for this part is more experimental. Iâm not a huge fan of it for more fluffy and lighthearted stories, however I think it fits this part nicely. I tried to keep a lot of the details out, just in case some people havenât watched 100 for whatever reason.Â
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G is for Game Night
November 3, 2009
summary:Â The team is overdue for some much-needed relaxation, and Rossi's pasta night is the perfect excuse. With full plates, plenty of wine, and even more laughter, you and Spencer settle in for a competitive (and chaotic) game night with your chosen family.
word count:Â 1k
warnings: nothing, just fluff and playful teasing

The moment you stepped into Rossi's house, you were hit with the warm, mouthwatering aroma of garlic, basil, and homemade marinara. The smell of a man who took pasta seriously. Really seriously.
âFinally,â Penelope said, throwing her arms in the air when she saw you and Spencer walk through the door. âThe power couple is fashionably late, as always.â
Spencer rolled his eyes, but you just grinned, walking in with a covered dish in your hands. âItâs just garlic knots,â you said, holding up the foil-wrapped container.
âGoddess,â Penelope whispered, taking it from you like it was an offering to the divine. âYou complete me.â
Kevin, standing just behind her, raised a brow. âI made a cheesecake.â
Penelope shot him a look. âAnd I love you too, darling, but you didnât bring carbs.â
Dinner was loud. Between the clinking of forks and the nonstop banter, it was everything you needed after weeks of high-stress cases. You were seated next to Spencer, who, to no oneâs surprise, had a serious weakness for Rossiâs fettuccine.
âYou get this starry-eyed look every time you eat this,â you whispered, leaning in.
âSerotonin,â he said, nodding seriously. âItâs chemically impossible to be sad while eating this.â
Across the table, Morgan called out, âHey, Pretty Boy, is that pasta or your girlfriend making you blush?â
You reached for your drink, hiding your grin behind the glass. Spencer shot Morgan a look that was more flustered than threatening.
âLet him have his moment,â Rossi added, smirking. âFirst time heâs looked truly at peace in a month.â
âHe gets this look when I make boxed mac and cheese too,â you said flatly, which made everyone laugh.Â
After dinner, game night began.
Rossi cleared the dishes while you, Penelope, Emily, and JJ started setting up in the living room. Kevin attempted to help, but was quickly dismissed when he couldnât find the Pictionary cards and instead brought Monopoly.
âAbsolutely not,â you and Emily said in perfect sync.
âThat game has ended friendships,â Penelope added.
Spencer, ever the problem solver, brought over a stack of board games and trivia decks. âCharades, trivia, and Pictionary. Rotation style?â
âLook at this man,â Penelope swooned. âBrains and organization. Y/N, youâre blessed.â
Emily elbowed you. âBet he alphabetizes his socks.â
âHe does,â you replied.
âOh my God,â she whispered, like it was a sacred revelation.
The teams were quickly decided: Girls vs. Boys.
âAre you sure thatâs fair?â Kevin asked nervously.
âWeâre about to find out,â you said with a wink.
Round One: Charades
Emily was up first for your team. The second she started flapping her arms and dramatically gasping, Penelope yelled, âTitanic! Rose! Flying scene!â
âCorrect!â
Morgan leaned into Spencer. âWeâre doomed.â
JJ acted out âThe Lion Kingâ next, crawling on all fours before holding up an imaginary Simba. You, Emily, and Penelope all shrieked the answer at the same time.
When it was Spencerâs turn, he drew âTwilight.â
You couldnât breathe from laughter watching him mime brooding, glittering, and biting his own arm.
âVampire!â you yelled. âNo waitâŠTwilight! Edward Cullen!â
âYes!â he said, breathless. âI have never read that, by the way.â
âSure you havenât,â Morgan said.
Kevinâs attempt at acting out âForrest Gumpâ was a painful stretch. âIs he running? Or convulsing?â Penelope asked, hiding her face behind a throw pillow.
Round Two: Trivia
Rossi asked the questions like a true game show host.
âWhat is the only food that doesnât spoil?â
âHoney!â Spencer and JJ said in unison.
âShow-off,â Penelope muttered.
âHow many bones are there in the adult human body?â Rossi asked.
â206,â Spencer answered immediately.
âShow-off times two,â Penelope added, while you high-fived your boyfriend.
âWhich planet spins the fastest?â
âJupiter,â you said before Spencer could. He looked at you with genuine awe.
âYou trained me well,â you whispered.
âHow many colors are in a rainbow?â
âSeven,â you replied quickly. âRed, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet.â
Kevin looked like he wanted to crawl under the couch.
âBabe, itâs okay,â Penelope said, patting his knee. âYou bring the vibes.â
Final Round: Pictionary
You were up against Spencer. You had a whiteboard, he had a whiteboard. You looked at him with narrowed eyes. He looked at you with a fond smile that was just this side of smug.
Your word: Ferris wheel.
You drew something that looked like a bicycle committing a war crime.
âClock? Spider? The apocalypse?â Penelope guessed.
Spencer drew his word: Loch Ness Monster.
It was impeccable. Curved neck, waves, the whole thing. Emily gasped. âYou missed your calling as a cryptid artist.â
âI was inspired,â he said, glancing at you.
Morgan tried to draw a firetruck and ended up with something that looked like a rectangle with legs.
âThatâs clearly a centipede going through a divorce,â Emily said.
Kevin drew what was supposed to be Elvis Presley. No one guessed it. Not even close.
âIs it Abraham Lincoln?â Penelope guessed.
âItâs literally labeled 'King of Rock and Roll' at the top,â Kevin groaned.
Your team still won.Â
By the time dessert came out, everyone was relaxed and full of laughter.
You curled up next to Spencer on Rossiâs leather couch, watching JJ cradle a sleepy Henry. Penelope was teasing Kevin about his poor guessing skills while Emily read some of the leftover trivia questions aloud to stump Morgan.
âHey,â Spencer said quietly.
You turned your head toward him. âYeah?â
He leaned in, voice low. âJust confirming⊠I'm still your go-to partner for game night, right?â
You grinned. âAlways. Even if you're a total drama queen during charades.â
âThat was performance art,â he whispered.
You were surrounded by your team, your family. And you had Spencer beside you, warm and real, as game night carried on into the perfect evening.
_____
next chapter: H is for Haley
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____ BUY ME A COFFEE _____
a/n: becoming a real slut for team interactions.
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Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!
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F is for Furious
October 20, 2009
summary:Â Hotch catches Spencer lying and forces him to stay back on a case in Quantico with Garcia. Spencer is angry, and the case is hard on you without him, but you survive by quick texts and a facetime on the jet back.
word count:Â 1k
warnings: Nothing major, just Spencer being frustrated by being separated from the team due to his injury.
Reckoner 05x03
Spencer Reid was furious.
Not the shouting kind, never that. His fury was quiet. Restless. It simmered beneath the surface, disguised by the careful way he arranged his notes on the desk and the sharp precision in how he flipped through case files. But it was there.
You could see it in his eyes. Hear it in the tightness of his voice. Every time he shifted in his chair and winced, when his hand subconsciously brushed the brace wrapped around his thigh, his frustration doubled.
Hotch had called him out that morning. Quietly. Firmly. No room for debate.
Spencer had argued. Of course he had. But lying to Aaron Hotchner was like trying to bluff a chess master with your cards turned face-up.
Youâd watched the moment play out from the other side of the conference room glass. Spencerâs wounded pride bristling against Hotchâs inflexible concern. The final blow came when Hotch didnât just bench him, but paired him with Garcia.
That, more than anything, made it feel like punishment.
You found him in the tech room ten minutes later, perched stiffly at Garciaâs desk with his injured leg stretched out and his fingers clacking too fast on the keyboard. His eyes were glued to the monitor, but you could tell he wasnât really processing what he was seeing.
You stepped inside quietly. He didnât look up.
âHey,â you said gently.
âI can still do this,â he said, like youâd challenged him.
âI know.â
âHotch doesnât think so.â
You came around the side of the desk, leaning your hip against the edge. Garcia was conspicuously absent, probably giving him, or more likely, you space.
âHeâs just worried about you.â
âI donât need to be coddled,â Spencer snapped, sharper than he meant to. Then, softer: âIâm not useless.â
You sat in the chair beside him, turning your body to face his. âNo one thinks that.â
He finally looked at you then. Really looked at you. His expression was raw. Frustration mixed with shame, a familiar cocktail for someone who had spent his whole life being underestimated.Â
âI hate this,â he whispered.
You reached out, brushing your fingers gently over his wrist. âI know.â
âI hate watching everyone leave. I hate being stuck here. I hate that Hotch is right.â
You squeezed his hand. âIt wonât be forever.â
âI donât want to be the weak link.â
âYou never have been.â
His throat bobbed. âI just want to be useful.â
âYou are.â
He let out a bitter laugh. âTo Garcia.â
âShe thinks youâre brilliant,â you said. âShe told me sheâs never seen anyone go through old phone records faster than you.â
âShe also said if you keep trying to reorganize her files alphabetically, sheâs going to unplug your internet.â Garcia briefly chimed in, making light of the situation.
A reluctant smile tugged at his mouth.
âI know this feels like a setback,â you said gently. âBut itâs recovery. You are helping the team. And once your leg is better, youâll be back out there. We all know it.â
He looked down at his lap, his fingers tracing the seam of his pants. âI just wish it didnât feel like Iâm watching everyone from behind glass.â
You leaned forward, pressing your forehead to his. âIt wonât always feel like that.â
âI miss you when youâre gone.â
âI miss you too,â you whispered. âBut youâre never alone. Not really.â
His breath shook, but he nodded. âCan I walk you to the elevator?â
_____
The case was brutal. Emotionally, not physically. Small-town politics. Buried secrets. Men who wore guilt like skin. You missed Spencer's voice at the round table. His tendency to drop a ten-minute historical sidebar and somehow still land on exactly the right lead.
You texted him during lulls, sending short updates.
Morgan tackled someone again, you wouldâve hated it.Â
Garcia says she has a new nickname for you but wonât tell me what it is yet.Â
I found a pie place. Bringing you back a slice.
His replies were short but sweet.Â
Miss you.Â
Stay safe.Â
Donât let Morgan boss you around.Â
Save me a fork.
It helped.
So did Garcia. She kept you informed. âYour boyfriend is in peak dramatic mode,â sheâd said over the phone. âI caught him muttering Shakespeare under his breath while cross-referencing DMV records.â
âHe does that,â you said fondly.
âI swear to God, if he rearranges my filing system one more time, Iâm turning off the coffee machine.â
âPlease donât. Thatâs the only thing keeping him out of existential despair.â
_____
On the flight back, the case finally closed, you kicked your shoes off and slouched into one of the jet seats, phone in hand.
âShouldnât you be asleep?â Garcia chirped as the FaceTime connected.
The screen split between her and Spencer, his curls wild, his head on her shoulder, both of them eating what looked like an entire pint of ice cream straight from the tub.
âIs that my chocolate brownie swirl?â you asked.
Spencer grinned, mouth full. âGarcia made me.â
âYouâre a liar,â she said, elbowing him gently. âHe begged for it. He gave me those stupid puppy eyes.â
You raised an eyebrow. âThe ones he used to get out of physical therapy last week?â
âThey work,â he said.
âYouâre enabling him.â
Garcia grinned. âItâs in my job description.â
You stayed on the line for a while, long after the jokes faded into quiet conversation, long after Garcia wandered off-camera to fetch something. Spencer stayed.
âI really missed you,â he said softly.
âI know,â you whispered. âI missed you too.â
You rested your head against the jet window, the hum of the engine soothing behind you.
âAlmost home,â you added.
âGood,â he said. âBecause Iâm saving you the last spoonful of ice cream.â
Your heart flipped.
âIâll bring the pie,â you promised.
And for the first time all week, Spencer laughed like nothing hurt.
_____
next chapter: G is for Game Night
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
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BUY ME A COFFEE
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E is for Eighth
October 12, 2009
summary:Â It's Spencer's 28th birthday. He's planned to spend it quietly alone, recovering from being shot, but a surprise shows up at his door.
word count:Â 1.5k
warnings: Post-injury recovery (gunshot wound), light medical care (bandage changing, leg bracing), soft smut (gentle sex with accommodation for injury), domestic fluff

It started with a knock. Not the polite, barely-there tap of a stranger, but the impatient, familiar rhythm of someone whoâd already been there a dozen times before.
Spencer blinked blearily from the couch, the fleece blanket tangled around his legs. He shifted and winced. His thigh still ached if he moved too fast, though heâd stopped mentioning it out loud.
He called out, âDoorâs unlocked,â and braced himself for Garcia.
It wasnât either.
It was you.
You stepped in carrying two paper bags, a cardboard drink tray balanced carefully in one hand, and a soft smile tucked into the corners of your face. You wore a knit sweater and your hair looked windswept, like you'd rushed here, like you couldnât wait.
Spencerâs mouth fell open. âYouâre supposed to be on a case.â
âI swapped out with Garcia,â you said, toeing off your boots and walking toward him like it was the most natural thing in the world. âSheâs staying glued to the mainframe today and Iâm staying glued to you. Happy birthday, Spencer.â
His heart tripped in his chest.
âI- you didnât have to-â
âSpencer,â you interrupted, already setting the drink tray down and starting to unpack the bags, âdo you really think Iâd let your first birthday after getting shot go by with a phone call and a half-hearted card?â
His face flushed, but he smiled. âI wouldâve settled for a quiet day.â
âYouâre still getting that,â you said. âBut with waffles.â
That shut him up. His eyes followed the carton you pulled from the bag, waffles, clearly homemade, stacked with fresh fruit and a tiny container of warm syrup. You handed him a fork and nudged his hand until he took it.
You flopped down beside him, pressing your shoulder lightly against his. He looked at you like youâd hung the stars.
There were candles too, not birthday candles, but the eucalyptus-scented kind he liked. The ones he once admitted helped with migraines and stress but never bought for himself. You lit one and placed it on the coffee table, then picked up one of the drinks and passed it to him.
âLavender chai,â you said. âThe weird fancy one you pretend isnât your favorite.â
âYou remembered.â
âEat your waffles before they get cold, birthday boy.â
He did, in slow, thoughtful bites. You shared from the same plate, knees tucked up beside his, the scent of eucalyptus curling through the quiet apartment. A record played softly in the background, one of his old jazz albums, slightly scratchy, just enough to feel like warmth.
After breakfast, you settled him against the pillows and gently propped his leg up again. He rolled his eyes when you fussed over him but didnât protest. You reached into your bag one last time and pulled out a small, wrapped box.
âI already got waffles,â he said.
âThis is the real gift.â
He unwrapped it carefully, long fingers trembling slightly. Inside was a leather-bound journal, navy blue, with gold embossed stars on the front. Inside the cover was a handwritten note.
For every thought you canât say out loud. Happy 28th!
He traced the writing with his fingertip. âYou think I have trouble saying things out loud?â
âOnly when it matters,â you said gently. âBut when you write, Spence, itâs like watching your heart unfold.â
He didnât speak, just leaned into you, head resting against your shoulder. You felt the weight of him there, solid and safe, and you let the silence stretch.
Eventually, he murmured, âThank you.â
âFor what?â
âFor this. For you. For⊠coming.â
You tilted your head until your cheek rested against his hair. â Always.â
His fingers found yours and laced them together.
The rest of the day was spent exactly like that. Wrapped in blankets, slow sips of tea, the occasional forehead kiss. The kind of softness that heals invisible wounds. Spencerâs laugh came easier. His hands shook less. And when the sun dipped low behind the windows, casting the room in golden haze, he fell asleep with your hand still in his and your bracelet glinting on your wrist.
_____
Evening settled over the apartment like a blanket. The golden light had faded into soft indigo, streetlamps casting a quiet glow through the windows. Jazz still played on low volume, something instrumental and slow. The kind of music that made you breathe a little deeper just listening to it.
Spencer had stirred from his nap not long ago, blinking slowly as he adjusted to the dimness. You were still curled beside him, legs tangled beneath the blanket, your hand resting gently on his chest.
âYou feeling okay?â you whispered.
He nodded. âBetter than Iâve felt in weeks.â
You smiled and leaned in to press a kiss to his temple. âGood.â
His hand came up slowly, tracing the side of your face. âI missed you.â
âYou had me all day.â
âNo,â he said softly. âI mean before that. When I was in the hospital. When I wasnât sure what was going to happen. I missed this. You.â
Your breath caught. His eyes were open, vulnerable, full of something aching and tender.
You kissed him slowly, carefully, letting him feel it. No urgency, no hungerâjust depth. Just intention. Spencerâs hands curled into your waist, his thumbs pressing lightly into your sides as he exhaled a shaky breath against your mouth.
âI want you,â he said, breathless. âPlease.â
You slipped your hand beneath his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin. He was soft and a little shaky under your touch, but his body arched toward you like heâd been craving this.
âOkay,â you said. âWeâll go slow.â
You helped him sit up, careful with his leg. He hissed slightly when it shifted, and your hands were there immediately, steadying him, checking the brace, kissing his knee through the fabric of his sweatpants.
âTell me if anything hurts,â you said.
âI will.â
You straddled his good leg and kissed him again, deeper this time. His fingers gripped your thighs like he didnât want to let go. You tugged his shirt up and off, letting your mouth trace along the freckles and faint bruises across his chest.
âYouâre beautiful,â you whispered. âEvery part of you.â
His breath caught as you rolled your hips down against him. He was already hard, and when you reached between you and cupped him through the fabric, he whimpered softly.
âI missed this too,â you murmured. âThe way you react. The way you need me.â
âI always need you,â he whispered, voice hoarse.
You helped him out of his sweatpants carefully, mindful of the brace. His leg stayed bent slightly at the knee, the only position that didnât hurt. You kissed down his thigh just above the injury, then leaned back up and said, âI want you to be comfortable.â
âI am,â he said.
You smiled, then slid your own shirt over your head, watching the way his eyes went glassy. His hands reached for you, tentative at first, then more certain as you guided them to your waist, your hips, your chest.
You removed your remaining clothes slowly, letting him see you, letting him feel like this was his gift as much as yours.
Then, when he was ready, breath uneven, lips parted, hands gripping your thighs, you lined yourself up and sank down onto him slowly.
Spencer gasped, his head tipping back against the pillow.
âEasy,â you whispered. âJust breathe.â
You didnât move right away. You stayed still, letting him fill you completely, feeling every inch of him pulsing inside you. His hands gripped your hips, grounding himself in the sensation.
You started to move slowly, rocking your hips gently, mindful not to jar his leg. One of your hands braced against his chest, the other resting on his uninjured thigh for leverage. Every roll of your body was deliberate, every touch soft.
âYou feel so good,â he gasped.
âYou do too, baby. So good.â
He groaned, his voice breaking. âDonât stop.â
Your movements stayed slow, sensual. The only urgency was in the way he held you, the way he looked at you like he needed to memorize every second.
You bent forward, pressing your forehead to his, and whispered, âCum for me.â
He let out a soft sob, and you kissed the tears that gathered in his lashes.
When he came, it was with your name on his lips and both hands trembling around your waist. You rode it out with him, holding him close, shushing him softly as his body arched and fell apart beneath you.
After, you stayed there, forehead pressed to his, hearts pounding in sync, your bodies warm and tangled in the glow of the candle still burning on the nightstand.
You shifted carefully, helping him clean up and guiding him back beneath the blankets, wrapping his leg just the way the doctor showed you, careful not to let him do a thing.
Spencer looked up at you with sleepy eyes, half-lidded and full of something raw. âYou didnât finish.â
You kissed his chest, right over his heart. âThatâs okay, love. I wanted to make you feel good.â
You settled beside him, pulling the blanket up around both of you. His arm draped loosely across your waist, his injured leg resting on a second pillow just below yours.
Outside, the world moved on.
Inside, everything stood still.
_____
next chapter: F is for Furious
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____
BUY ME A COFFEE
_____
Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!
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taglist:
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D is for Dr. Barton
September 23, 2009
Summary: Spencer is shot. Hotch is stabbed. Two floors separate them in the same hospital.Â
word count: 2k
warnings: Criminal Minds Stuff: gun violence, character injury, blood, hospitals, emotional distress, mentions of stabbing, angst, protective behavior, Reaper subplot (George Foyet), mild medical descriptions.
Faceless Nameless 05x01

The first gunshot rang out while you were on the phone with Spencer.
You had just stepped into the kitchenette at Quantico, hand wrapped around a half-full mug of reheated coffee, when his voice went sharp. Youâd been mid-laugh, something about Garcia and the ridiculous streamers she insisted on hanging in the bullpen for every minor holiday. Then the laugh caught in your throat as Spencer said, âWaitâŠhang onââ
There was a sound, distant at first. A muffled crack. You froze.
âSpencer?â Your voice dropped to a whisper.
There was no answer. Then you heard it: the unmistakable thud of the phone hitting something, a scramble, someone yelling, then a second gunshot, sharper this time. Closer.
And then nothing.
The line went dead.
The silence that followed was deafening. Every beat of your heart thudded against your ribs like it might burst through your chest.
âSpencer,â you whispered, the name falling from your lips before your brain had even caught up.
You bolted.
No clearance, no instructions, you didnât wait. You grabbed your badge and your gun and ran. You didnât remember the drive. You barely remembered stopping at red lights. Every second that passed without hearing his voice felt like someone was wringing your lungs out like a rag.
You reached the neighborhood just as the flashing lights came into view. Police were already on scene. Two ambulances. Yellow tape. Officers directing traffic. You shoved your badge toward the first person in uniform who got in your way.
âFBI. Spencer Reid, where is he?â you demanded.
The officer opened his mouth to speak, but you were already pushing past him. You ducked under the tape, legs shaking, feet barely hitting the ground. You heard your name, someone called it, but you didnât stop. You didnât care if you got written up later. Protocol could go to hell.
You saw him before you felt your heartbeat again.
Spencer was sitting on the grass, just outside the Barton house, his pant leg soaked in blood, a paramedic crouched beside him. His shirt was streaked with red from another body: Dr. Bartonâs, you realized, and his hands were trembling as he pressed gauze to the wound in his thigh.
Your knees buckled before you reached him.
âOh my God,â you whispered, dropping beside him, not caring that you fell straight into damp grass and mud. âSpencer, Jesus, what happened?â
He looked up at you with those wide, glassy eyes. âIâm fine,â he said instantly, automatically. âIâm okay. Iâ just the leg. Itâs just the leg.â
âYouâre bleeding,â you said, voice cracking. âYouâre bleeding and you werenât answering your phone, I thoughtââ
âIâm fine,â he repeated, but this time it broke. His voice cracked on the second syllable. âIâm fine, I promise. Go. Dr. Bartonâs sonââ
âIâm not leaving you,â you snapped, grabbing his hand. âDonât you dare ask me to leave you right now.â
Spencer squeezed your hand back. âIâm okay. Iâ he shot me, but he missed the artery. I already checked.â
You pressed your forehead to his shoulder and let yourself breathe. Just for a second.
Paramedics pushed past you, lifting Dr. Barton into a stretcher. Spencer turned to watch. âHeâll be okay, right?â he asked the EMT.
âHeâs stable,â the woman answered. âWeâve got him.â
You felt him slump a little as Dr. Bartonâs stretcher disappeared toward the ambulance. You stayed kneeling next to him, gripping his hand tightly, unwilling to let go until someone forced you to.
Then another voice cut through the chaos.
âReid!â
Morgan came jogging toward you both, his expression tight. âYou okay?â
Spencer gave the same answer. âYeah. Fine.â
Morgan looked down at the blood and mud streaked all over him and raised an eyebrow. âYou look like hell.â
âThanks.â
âWeâre getting you to a hospital.â
Spencer shifted, wincing. âYou need to find Emily.â
That was when your stomach sank. Again.
âWhere is she?â Morgan asked immediately.
Spencerâs voice was thin. âSomethingâs happened to Hotch.â
Your eyes flew to Morgan, whose jaw clenched. âIâll find her. Iâll call JJ and Rossi. You stay with him,â he told you.
âI wasnât planning on going anywhere,â you said.
As Morgan ran off, Spencer tried to sit up straighter and hissed in pain.
âStop,â you said firmly. âDonât move.â
âIâm fine.â
âStop saying that,â you said, your voice barely above a whisper. âYouâre bleeding, and your hands are shaking, and I swear to God if you try to act like this is normalâŠâ
Spencer looked up at you, and the fight left his body. âI didnât want you to see me like this.â
_____
A few hours later, you sat beside Spencerâs hospital bed. He was propped up, his leg bandaged and braced, but thankfully intact. He was on pain meds now, eyelids heavy, but still awake.
The hospital was quiet, but it felt like it was buzzing under your skin. JJ and Morgan had come in earlier, quietly updating Spencer while you stood near the window, arms crossed. Emily had found Hotch. Or what was left of him.
Eight stab wounds. Blood loss. Almost no chance of survival.
But he lived.
Spencerâs voice pulled you back. âThey said he dropped Hotch off at the ER.â
You turned around. âGeorge Foyet.â
Spencer nodded. âLike some twisted message.â
You moved toward him and sat carefully on the edge of the bed. âWeâll catch him.â
Spencer looked at you. âYou donât know that.â
âYes, I do,â you said, threading your fingers through his. âBecause if we donât, none of us will sleep again. And Hotch deserves better than that.â
Spencer swallowed. âI shouldâve seen it coming. All those weeks we didnât know where Foyet wasâŠâ
âStop.â
He blinked.
âThis wasnât your fault,â you said. âYouâve done everything. You jumped in front of Dr. Barton. You saved people today, Spencer.â
âI didnât save Hotch.â
âYouâre not omnipresent,â you said, voice cracking. âYouâre not a machine. Youâre allowed to miss things.â
Spencer turned his face away, hiding behind the curtain of his hair.
You cupped his jaw gently, coaxing him to look at you. âYou are the bravest person Iâve ever known. And if youâd died todayâŠâ
âI didnât,â he whispered.
You leaned forward, pressing your forehead to his. âYou didnât.â
You sat like that for a while, in silence.
Eventually, he whispered, âIâm going to be on crutches for a few weeks.â
You exhaled a shaky laugh. âKicking down doors is Morganâs job anyway.â
Spencer smiled, faint but real.
JJ called him about twenty minutes later, checking in. She asked for updates, and he gave them, calmly, clinically, like always. You sat beside him, still holding his hand.
When the call ended, he looked at you. âYou should go home. Get some sleep.â
âNot happening.â
âIâm fine.â
âYouâre hurt,â you interrupted softly. âAnd thatâs okay. Iâm staying.â
He didnât argue again.
You pulled the blanket higher around his waist, adjusted the pillows, then tucked yourself into the chair beside him. Not touching, but close enough to reach for him if you needed to.
You stared out the window at the inky black sky and wondered how many more times youâd have to watch the people you love bleed.
And how many more times youâd survive it.
But right now, Spencer was breathing. Hotch was alive. And you were here.
_____
The hospital was still.
Not quiet. There were beeping monitors and distant footsteps, the occasional whisper of nurses exchanging notes at the station, but still. That aching kind of stillness that came only in the hours between 3 and 5 a.m., when even the world outside seemed unsure whether to keep dreaming or begin again.
Spencer had dozed off around 2:30, finally worn down by the medication and the long day. You hadnât slept. You couldnât. Not when the bandage on his thigh was still fresh. Not when Hotch was just two floors above you, still fighting for his life.
Spencer stirred against the stiff hospital pillows. You sat up straighter, hand already reaching for his.
He blinked a few times before finding you. âYou're still here,â he rasped, voice thick with sleep and pain meds.
You smiled, though it didnât quite reach your eyes. âWhere else would I be?â
Spencer turned his face toward you on the pillow, the way a plant seeks sunlight. âI thought maybe youâd gone to see Hotch.â
âI will,â you said. âI just⊠couldnât leave you yet.â
His eyes softened. âI didnât mean to scare you.â
âI know.â
âI shouldâve told you I was going to the front door with Barton.â
You shook your head. âDonât do that. Donât apologize for doing your job. Just⊠maybe next time, give me more than a phone call and a gunshot before you disappear for hours.â
His face crumpled slightly, but he gave you a weak smile. âDeal.â
You hesitated, fingers tracing the back of his hand. âDoes it hurt?â
Spencerâs eyes flicked to the thick padding around his thigh. âLess than I thought it would.â
âThatâs probably the morphine talking.â
He huffed a quiet laugh, then sobered. âItâs going to slow me down.â
You gave him a look. âYou got shot less than twelve hours ago, and youâre already worried about slowing down?â
âI justâŠwhen something happens, I want to be useful.â
âYou are useful. Even if youâre sitting in a chair with your leg propped up eating Jell-O, youâre useful. And brilliant. And needed. You donât have to run into danger every time to prove that.â
His throat bobbed with a swallow, eyes glassy. âYouâre not going to get rid of me just because Iâm limping?â
You leaned over, pressing a kiss to his temple. âSpencer Reid, I would carry you on my back through Quantico if I had to. Youâre not going anywhere.â
His hand found your wrist, clinging to it for a second longer. âYouâll come back?â
âAfter I see Hotch, yeah. Iâll be back before breakfast.â
He nodded slowly, then let your hand go.
You stood, stretched, and made your way up two floors and to the nurses station.Â
âHotchner,â you said. âCan I see him?â
The nurse hesitated, but eventually nodded. âHeâs awake. Still heavily sedated, but⊠you can go in.â
You nodded and made your way down the hall, the weight of the day pressing back into your shoulders with each step.
Hotchâs room was quiet, dim. The lights had been softened, and the machine beeping at his side was rhythmic, stable. He lay still in the bed, bandages visible beneath the loose gown, bruises blooming across his arms and neck like storm clouds.
You hesitated at the door, unsure if you were ready to see him like this.
But then his eyes opened. Slowly, barely, and he turned his head toward you.
You stepped inside. âHey,â you said softly, approaching the bed. âDonât worry about trying to talk.â
Hotchâs mouth twitched. A ghost of a smile. His throat worked, but no words came out. You pulled the chair close and sat beside him.
âIâm sorry I didnât come sooner,â you whispered. âI was with Spencer.â
That got a reaction. His brow lifted just slightly.
âHas anyone told you?â You asked.
He slowly shook his head. Only slightly, but it was clear he hasnât heard.
âHeâs okay. Shot in the leg. But⊠okay.â
Hotch blinked once, slow. Then again.
âI know what youâre going to ask. Yes, Morgan and JJ are with Hayley and Jack. Theyâre safe. Witness protection.â
Hotch exhaled. Ragged and shaky, but it almost sounded like relief.
Your hand hovered over his for a moment, then settled gently on top of it. âI donât know what he took from you this time,â you said, voice barely audible. âBut I know what he left behind. Fear. Anger. Questions. All of it.â
His eyes closed briefly, then opened again.
âBut youâre alive,â you said. âYouâre still here. And I swear to you, weâre going to make that mean something.â
His grip tightened, faint but deliberate.
âIâll take care of them,â you added. âThe team. Spencer. Weâll hold it together.â
Hotchâs lips parted, voice rasping out on barely a whisper. âPromise?â
You nodded, your throat burning. âPromise.â
You sat with him a while longer, letting the beeping and the hum of machines fill the silence. Eventually, his eyes slipped shut, his chest rising in slow, steady rhythm.
When you stood to leave, you glanced back at him once more. At the man who had led you, challenged you, believed in you, and bled for you.
He was broken, yes, but not defeated.
_____
next chapter: E is for Eight
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____ BUY ME A COFFEE _____
a/n: I hope you guys enjoy the parts based on episodes, because honestly, theyâre becoming my favorite to write.
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C is for Celebration
September 16, 2009
summary: You and Spencer celebrate your one year anniversary.
word count: 1.1k
warnings: smut

The smell of old books and coffee lingered in Spencerâs apartment, like it always did, but today it was mixed with something softer. Jasmine, maybe, or vanilla. It was the candle you liked to light whenever you stayed over. Spencer had already lit it before you arrived, which meant heâd remembered. Of course he had.
You stood in the doorway, holding a brown paper bag with dessert and a small wrapped box tucked inside, your smile warm and easy. Spencer stepped toward you, looking like heâd just barely stopped pacing.
âHi,â you said, voice quiet.
âHi,â he echoed, his smile immediate and boyish. âHappy anniversary.â
A year. One whole year since that rainy night when you'd both realized you couldnât keep pretending your partnership was just professional. A year since whispered confessions over case files and after-hours Chinese food. A year since the best thing in your life began.
Spencer reached for the bag, but you sidestepped him and set it on the coffee table first, wrapping your arms around his waist instead. He let out a surprised breath and immediately hugged you back, his chin resting lightly on your shoulder.
âIâve been thinking about this day all week,â he murmured.
You smiled into his neck. âMe too.â
When you pulled back, he kissed you, slow, unrushed, with the kind of gentleness that came from someone who had memorized your every reaction. His hands lingered on your waist as he led you toward the couch. A small bouquet of wildflowers sat in a mason jar on the table beside it. His gift.
âI know itâs not extravagant,â he said, catching your glance.
âItâs perfect.â You leaned down to smell them. âDid you pick these?â
He flushed, just slightly. âThereâs a little park near the metro. I went early this morning.â
You grinned and kissed his cheek. âSpencer Reid, you are romantic.â
He ducked his head. âYou havenât even opened your gift yet.â
You handed him yours first, a neatly wrapped book heâd mentioned in passing months ago but hadnât bought for himself. A rare first edition, tracked down by you and shipped from across the country. He held it like it was sacred, his eyes wide.
âIâ how did you find this?â
âLibrarians talk,â you said with a wink.
Spencer pulled you into a kiss again, this one firmer, his gratitude pouring out in touch more than words.
Then it was your turn. He handed you a small box, wrapped in dark green paper. Inside was a slim gold bracelet engraved on the underside in his neat handwriting:
I Love You Y/N âSpence
Your throat tightened.
âI wanted you to have something simple,â he said. âSomething you could wear even at work. But⊠still ours.â
You didnât speak. You just leaned forward and kissed him again, pushing him back gently until his back met the cushions and your knees straddled his lap.
He let out a breathy laugh. âSo dessert later?â
âMuch later,â you murmured against his jaw, already slipping your fingers under the hem of his cardigan. âRight now, I want to thank you.â
His breath hitched as you kissed along his neck, slow and deliberate. Spencer was always quick to be shy when you were the one taking control. But he melted under praise, unraveled under intention. And tonight, thatâs exactly what you wanted: to take your time, to let him feel everything.
You pulled his shirt up and off, letting your hands run along the warm skin of his chest. He was still so lean, so beautiful, and yet so unaware of it.
âGod, youâre gorgeous,â you whispered, brushing your thumbs across his ribs.
He blushed deep, his hands gripping your hips. âIâ thank you,â he said softly, his voice already breathy.
âLie back,â you instructed, gently pushing on his chest. He obeyed instantly, laying against the couch cushions, his curls spreading like a halo around his head.
You kissed down his chest, down his stomach, undoing his belt slowly. He watched you with parted lips, one hand already curling against the throw pillow like he needed to hold onto something.
âYouâve been so good to me, Spence,â you said as you unzipped his pants. âSo patient. So giving. Let me take care of you.â
His response was a quiet, desperate sound in his throat as you slid his pants and boxers down together, revealing him, already hard, already aching.
You leaned down and kissed the inside of his thigh, then again, closer, until he gasped.
âPlease,â he whispered.
You wrapped your hand around him, stroking slowly, keeping your eyes locked on his face. âThatâs it, baby. Just like that. Let me hear you.â
He whimpered, his hips lifting just slightly. You kept it slow, methodical, each stroke matched with praises of how good he looked, how soft he sounded, how perfectly he reacted to every touch.
When he got close, you pulled away, shushing his soft whine with a kiss. âNot yet. I want more.â
You stripped quickly, straddling him again.
âYou okay?â you asked, pausing.
He nodded quickly. âYes. Please. I want to feel you.â
You sank down onto him slowly, and he groaned, his head tipping back.
âFuck, you feel⊠God, you feel amazing.â
You rocked your hips gently with one hand resting over his heart. It was pounding. Alive and wild and so very real.
âI love you,â you said.
He opened his eyes, looking straight at you. âI love you too.â
Your pace stayed slow, deep, steady movements that let you both feel every inch. Spencerâs hands clutched your thighs, then your waist, then your hips, like he couldnât decide where he needed you most.
âYouâre doing so good, baby,â you praised, voice warm.Â
His moans got louder. More desperate. You could feel how close he was and how much he was holding back.
âCome for me, Spence,â you whispered. âYouâve earned it. Be as loud as you want.â
That did it. His eyes shut, his body tensed, and he cried out as he came, burying his face in your shoulder, arms wrapping tight around you as he filled you.
You stroked his hair and kissed his temple, letting him ride it out.
When he was quiet again, when his body relaxed beneath you, you stayed there, still joined, your fingers tracing lazy circles along his chest.
âThat wasâŠâ he murmured.
âYeah,â you agreed, smiling.
After a few minutes, you cleaned up together, and he pulled you back into bed with him. You curled into his side, bracelet still warm on your wrist, and let your fingers rest over his chest where his heart was still thumping quietly.
âHappy anniversary,â he said again.
_____
next chapter: D is for Dr. Barton
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____ BUY ME A COFFEE _____
a/n: hihihihihihihi
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Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!
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B is for Bare
August 14, 2009
summary:Â You visit Spencer at his apartment soon after he got discharged from the hospital.
word count:Â 1.38k
warnings: smut, soft!dom reader, praise kink

Spencerâs apartment was warmer than you remembered. Probably from the sun that had poured in through the windows all afternoon, or maybe from the way your heart hadnât stopped pounding since he answered the door.
It had only been a few days since he was discharged. The dark circles under his eyes were still there, but fainter now. His movements were slower, deliberate, like his body was catching up to the fact that it had survived. That he had survived.
You hadnât stopped thinking about that. Not once.
He opened the door wearing one of his soft cardigans and a plain gray shirt underneath. His curls were still slightly damp from a recent shower, and he looked tired, but when he saw you standing there with takeout and that hesitant look in your eyes, he smiled.
âIâm not supposed to eat anything heavy,â he said, looking at the food.
You raised an eyebrow. âItâs soup. And youâre going to eat all of it.â
He stepped aside, letting you in. âBossy,â he murmured, but he sounded pleased about it.
Inside, the apartment was dimly lit; curtains half-drawn, soft light from a single lamp in the corner. The usual clutter of books, notes, and loose papers was still there, but something about the space felt quieter than normal. Like it, too, was still recovering from what had almost happened.
Spencer didnât say much as you set the containers on the coffee table and started pouring soup into two bowls. He sat on the couch, legs curled under him, watching you like he didnât want to blink too long in case you disappeared.
âAre you okay?â you asked after a few minutes of eating in silence.
He didnât answer right away.
âI think so,â he said softly. âI donât feel sick anymore. Just tired.â
âThatâs normal,â you said. âYour bodyâs still healing.â
He nodded slowly, then looked down into his bowl. âItâs not just that.â
You set your spoon down and turned toward him fully. âWhat is it?â
He was quiet again. You let the silence stretch between you, knowing heâd speak when he was ready.
âI keep thinking about how close I was,â he said finally. âTo not coming home. To not⊠seeing you again.â
Your throat tightened. You scooted closer and took his hand in yours. âBut you did. Youâre here.â
âI know. And Iâm so glad I am.â He squeezed your fingers, but his voice dropped to a whisper. âI just havenât really let myself feel it until now.â
Your thumb brushed over his knuckles. âSpence⊠I was terrified. Watching you in that labâŠhearing your voice break over the phoneâŠit killed me.â
His eyes flicked up to yours. âThen why are you being so calm?â
âBecause you need me to be,â you said gently. âBecause Iâm not going to let fear take away this moment. Youâre okay. Iâm here. And if youâll let me, I want to help you feel that.â
His breath caught. âHow?â
âBy reminding you youâre alive.â
Spencer swallowed hard, his gaze locked to yours. You didnât look away.
âI want to take care of you,â you said, your voice steady but soft. âCompletely. No rushing, no expectations. Just you and me. And I want you to let me.â
He nodded before he could even process the words.
You leaned forward and kissed him gently. His lips were warm, a little dry, but eager. You let him press into you, his hand lifting to your jaw like he needed to feel your pulse, to confirm you were real.
âCome with me,â you whispered against his mouth.
He followed you to the bedroom in silence. The overhead light was too harsh, so you clicked on the bedside lamp instead, bathing the room in soft gold.
Spencer stood near the foot of the bed, watching you. His hands fidgeted at his sides. You stepped closer and rested your hands on his chest.
âBreathe with me,â you said.
He did. In and out. Slow. Controlled.
You kissed his jaw, then the corner of his mouth, and felt his body tremble just slightly.
âIâm going to undress you,â you murmured. âIs that okay?â
He nodded, but you waited until he whispered, âYes.â
You slipped the cardigan from his shoulders first, then gently pulled his shirt up over his head. You kissed along the edge of the faint bruise on his ribs, the spot where the hazmat suit had pressed into his skin. His hands found your hips, tentatively.
âLet me take care of you,â you said again, your voice firmer now. âYou donât have to do anything.â
He nodded, more certain this time.
You took your time. Each piece of clothing removed was met with a kiss, a brush of fingers, a soft word.
âYouâre beautiful,â you whispered as you kissed his collarbone. âSo strong,â as your lips moved down his chest. âSo good for me,â when you slid his pants down and helped him step out.
Spencer was already half-hard, the skin flushed and sensitive, and you smiled up at him when you saw how he shivered under your touch.
âLie down.â
He obeyed without hesitation, stretching out across the mattress. You climbed in beside him, still fully clothed, and leaned over to kiss him again. He arched up into you, desperate and needy, but still uncertain.
âYouâre doing so well,â you praised, stroking his hair. âLet me see you.â
You slipped your shirt off slowly, then your bra, watching as Spencerâs eyes followed your every movement. His fingers twitched like he wanted to reach out but didnât want to overstep.
âTouch me,â you said.Â
He groaned softly and brought his hands to your waist, tracing up your sides. You leaned into his touch, letting him explore for a moment before guiding one of his hands between your thighs. Spencer let out a shaky breath, his fingers pressing into the heat of you over your underwear. You kissed him again, deeper this time, while guiding his hand, showing him just how to touch you.
When he whimpered, you smiled against his mouth. âYou like making me feel good?â
âYes,â he gasped.
âYouâre amazing at it,â you said, rocking gently into his hand. âBut I want to take care of you.â
You pulled back, stripped the rest of your clothes, and straddled his hips, your knees on either side of his thighs.
You stroked him once, just to hear the way he choked on a moan, then sank down slowly, inch by inch, watching his jaw go slack.
âGod,â he whispered. âOh my God.â
You were warm and snug around him, and you gave yourself a moment to breathe, to adjust, to feel him fully.
You moved, slow, deep rolls of your hips, each one deliberate. Spencerâs hands found your thighs, holding on, not to guide or push, but to anchor himself.
âYouâre doing so good,â you whispered. âYou feel so good, Spenceâ
Spencerâs eyes closed, his chest heaving.
âLook at me,â you said gently. âI want to see you.â
He obeyed, eyes shining, lips parted.
âYouâre alive,â you told him between kisses. âYouâre here. Youâre safe.â
âI love you,â he gasped, voice cracking.
You smiled, tears burning your eyes. âI love you too.â
Your pace picked up slightly, and Spencer met every movement with a quiet moan. He was unraveling beneath you, overwhelmed, full of feeling.
âYou can let go,â you whispered. âYouâre allowed to feel good. You deserve this.â
âPlease,â he whimpered. âPlease donât stop.â
âI wonât. Iâve got you. Youâre perfect.â
It didnât take long, his body had been aching for this, desperate for closeness, for release, for proof that he was still wanted, still needed.
He came with a low cry, trembling under you, his hands gripping your hips like you were the only thing tethering him to the earth. You slowed, let him ride it out, kissed him through it all.
When his breathing settled, you lay down beside him and pulled him close, wrapping your arms around his body like a promise.
Spencer tucked his face against your neck, his lips brushing your skin.
âThank you,â he whispered. âFor not leaving. For everything.â
You held him tighter. âYou never have to thank me for loving you.â
You stayed that way for a long time. Bare, safe, whole.
Alive.
_____
next chapter: C is for Celebration
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
_____ BUY ME A COFFEE _____
a/n: I really like this part, I also plan on making this fic follow the timeline for the actual show, so, spoiler alert, but if you're up to date, Spencer also gets shot soon :)
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Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!
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A is for Anthrax
August 1, 2009
summary: When the BAU is called to investigate a suspected bioterrorist who releases a deadly anthrax strain Spencer is exposed while working the case. You are forced to confront your worst fears.
word count:Â 4.8k
warnings: general criminal minds events,
Amplification 04x24

âHave you read this one yet?â You held up a mass market paperback of âThe Illustrated Man.â
Spencerâs eyes lit up. âOf course I have, itâs a classic!â His voice is high and peppy, so ecstatic for you to be showing the slightest amount of interest in his books.
It was a very early morning. Spencer had woken up around 5:30, unable to sleep. It was normal for you to fall asleep next to Spencer and he be gone when you woke up. Often he wasnât far; sometimes in the living room reading a book, sometimes in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee, and it was not rare to find him in the office playing a solo chess game. He was always quiet though. Spencer never woke you from your slumber. He would ramble about how important REM sleep is, and how âbeing awoken can cause stress.â
Thatâs exactly what he told you this morning when he accidentally dropped a tub full of books from the top shelf of his closet, causing a loud thud and a very startled awakening from you. He was apologetic, feeling awful for causing you stress. After the initial shock subsided, you were ready to get out of bed with him though, his apologies becoming redundant.
âIâll make coffee,â he offered as a way for him to feel as if his apology had been accepted. After leaving his bedroom to start the coffee pot, you arose from the bed and to the tote of books spilled on the floor.Â
There were probably over 100 mass market paperbacks scattered across the carpet. All were noticeably worn down. You wondered if they were bought new. It was quite possible all the wear and tear came from Spencer. While he was the gentlest boyfriend, you knew he could really do some harm to a paperback book. Not on purpose of course, but at the velocity he flipped those pages, the aggressive pressing of his fingers as he quickly read each word, he did a number on the weak lumbar.Â
Spencer returned to find you sitting criss-crossed on the ground, engulfed in the literature. âCoffeeâs brewing,â he said, joining you on the carpet. âI guess this is my sign to go through all these books.â
You smile at him, picking up a book. âLet me help?âÂ
âIf you want.â He began sorting the books into two separate piles, one much larger than the other.Â
âOf course,â you say, leaning over to search for any rhythm of the stacks. âWhat are you doing?â
âIâm sorting them into stacks that Iâve read and havenât read. The ones I havenât read Iâm going to move to the shelf in the living room. You know some of the books Iâve read, you can add those to the stack, âmkay sweetie?â
You melted a bit at the pet name. It wasnât often Spencer would use them, as they just felt unnatural to him, but when he did it never failed to make your heart skip. He knew this too. He loved being called pet names by you, so he made it a mission for him to learn to use them more naturally for you.Â
You began adding to his pile of books heâd read, and making your own pile of ones you werenât sure of. Youâd occasionally hold up a book to ask the status of it, almost always being read. Heâd give you the shortest synopsis of the book, never sparing a fun fact though. His enthusiasm was infectious, and you loved seeing him so animated.
At one point, you noticed Spencer had stopped mid-sentence, his gaze fixed on you. "What?" you asked, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks.
"Nothing," he said softly, a small smile playing on his lips. "I just like seeing you happy."
You leaned over and kissed him, a sweet and gentle moment that made your heart swell. It was these quiet and domestic mornings that you cherished the most, the moments where the world seemed to stand still, and it was just the two of you.
_____
You had just settled back with your coffee, ready to dive into more organization, when Spencer's phone rang, breaking the tranquility of the morning.
The call from JJ had been unexpected, a sharp reminder of the unpredictable nature of your work. But as you prepared to head out into the field, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the time you had spent together. It was those peaceful moments that made the chaos of your jobs bearable.Â
"Hey, JJ," he answered, his tone shifting from relaxed to attentive. You watched as his expression changed, concern knitting his brows together.
"Hey, is Y/N with you?" JJ's voice was urgent, making you sit up a bit straighter.
Spencer nodded, even though she couldn't see him. "Yes, she's here."
"I need you guys at the office ASAP," JJ continued. "Don't bother bringing a go bag, but hurry."
Spencer's eyes met yours, and you could see the shift in his demeanor. The evening of quiet reading was officially over. He ended the call with a quick, "We'll be right there," and jumped to his feet.
He moved quickly, heading to his bedroom to change into his work attire. You followed, watching as he swapped his casual clothes for a crisp purple button-up shirt and a black tie, his fingers deftly working the buttons with practiced speed. He grabbed his satchel from the hook by the door, and you hurriedly changed clothes and collected your things, slipping them into the bag alongside his essentials.
"Are you ready?" he asked, turning to you with an apologetic smile. You could see the mix of urgency and regret in his eyes.
"Yeah, let's go," you replied, giving him a reassuring nod. "We'll have to finish our book discussion later."
Spencer chuckled softly, a brief respite from the intensity of the moment. "I promise we will."
You both rushed out of the apartment, the familiar adrenaline of an unexpected case settling in. As you made your way to the car, Spencer reached out and gave your hand a quick squeeze, a silent thank you for your understanding.
The drive to the office was filled with a mix of hurried conversation and quiet contemplation. Spencer's mind was already working through possible scenarios, and you could see the gears turning as he stared out the window.
_____
You found yourself in the elevator with Derek, Emily, and Spencer of course. The elevator ride was tense, the urgency of JJ's call still hanging in the air. Spencer, ever the analyst, was already piecing together what little information they had.
"The case must be local," Spencer said, his hand resting on his satchel. "JJ said not to bring a go bag."
Just as he finished speaking, the elevator doors opened. Your eyes widened as you took in the sight before you. The entire FBI headquarters was filled with men in army uniforms. It was a scene straight out of a movie, one you hadn't anticipated this early in the morning.
Derek was the first to step out, his eyes scanning the sea of uniforms. "What's the army doing here?" he muttered, his usual confidence giving way to confusion.
Emily followed closely behind, her expression mirroring Derek's bewilderment. "What the hell is going on?" she asked, her voice edged with concern.
As the four of you made your way through the bustling hallways, phones were ringing incessantly, adding to the chaotic atmosphere. Spencer and you broke off from the group, heading directly to the round table room as JJ had instructed. You glanced back, seeing Emily and Derek linger a bit longer, their curiosity driving them to gather more information.
The rest of the team is already in the round table room when you enter, along with a woman whom JJ is quick to introduce.
"Guys, this is Dr. Linda Kimura, Chief of Special Pathogens at the CDC," JJ said.
"Hello, I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances," Dr. Kimura said, her tone serious but polite.
Spencer, always direct, asked what everyone else was thinking: "What circumstances?"
Hotch stepped in. "We need to get started."
Everyone looked around the round table room, meeting each other's eyes. The confusion was palpable. JJ took a deep breath and began.
"Last night, 25 people checked into emergency rooms in and around Annapolis. They were all at the same park after 2 PM yesterday. Within 10 hours, the first victim died. It's now just past 7 AM the next day. We have 12 dead."
Everyone immediately began looking through the case files laid out before them. Morgan was the first to speak up. "Lung failure and black lesions. Anthrax?" He looked at Spencer for confirmation, knowing heâd know.
Spencer shook his head. "Anthrax doesn't kill this fast."
Dr. Kimura interjected, "This strain does."
Spencer looked up at her, mouth agape in fear. The gravity of the situation was hitting him.
_____
You canât blame Morgan when you get the call, but boy, do you want to. You know how stubborn Spencer can be when he doesnât know something, but putting his life at risk is incredibly irresponsible and you just want to take it out on someone.
Hotch can tell you are not taking this well. How could you be? Your boyfriend was locked in a room filled with poison and refusing to leave.Â
âY/l/n stay in the car,â Hotch commands, looking at you in the rearview mirror.Â
âNo, you have to let me go,â you argue.Â
âI canât let you do that.â his voice is stern.
You donât want to anger him, but you are not staying in that car. âIâm part of this team too, damn it.â Youâre getting a bit heated, not what you wanted, but you canât help it.
General Whitworth is uncomfortable in the passenger seat. Heâs almost certainly oblivious to your relationship with Spencer, and probably extremely confused about the origins of the current tension in the car.Â
Now was not the time for backstories though.
âFine,â Hotch says as he puts the SUV in park, grabbing the handle. âBut any unprofessionalism and there will be consequences.â He hurriedly jumps out of the car, you and the general following behind. âHowâs Reid?â He asks as he approaches Morgan.
Morgan sighs. âThereâs white powder in the room and the air was blasting. I shouldâve been right there with him.â
Your eyes begin to well with tears. âYeah, you really shouldâve been.â
Hotch looks at you sternly. âThereâs no time for second guessing, either of you. What do we know?â
Morgan begins explaining the information that he and Reid had gathered up to that point.
Riiiiing
âReid,â Hotch says as he picks up his phone.
Thereâs a terror in Hotchâs voice. âHotch, I really messed up this time.â
âReid,â Hotch addresses, âwe need to get you out and to the hospital.â
âIâm staying right here,â your boyfriend said over the phone.
Morgan sighed. âNo, youâre not, Reid.â
âMy best chance is to stay here, see if thereâs a cure, and try to figure out who killed Dr. Nichols,â Spencer told.
You felt yourself getting antsy. âSpencer, please,â you begged.
âCome on Hotch, say something to him,â Morgan said.
Hotch looks at you, a sternness, yet sorrow in his eyes. âHeâs right. His best chance is inside.â
âWhat?â You practically screamed, unable to believe what was happening right in front of you,
âWe will get a suit and mask into him right away, y/l/n,â Hotch tried assuring you.
Spencerâs voice sounded over the phone. âDonât bother, itâs not going to do me any good. Iâm already infected.â
You couldnât believe what you were hearing, what Spencer was doing, and most of all, that Hotch was just letting him.
Reid began telling what he saw over the phone, giving as much information as he possibly could. He stuttered for a moment, before spitting out, âH-he has a partner. Go back to the BAU, try to figure out who it is.â
Morgan looks at you. âHotch, why donât you go, Y/L/N and I will stay here.â
Hotch joins Morgan in looking at you. âFunnel all the information you get to me,â he says before turning and making his way to the SUV.
âYou keep looking kid, call me with any information you get.â Morgan says before holding the phone out to you.
âSpencer, hey, I know I canât stop you,â you say, trying your best to be strong. âI love you, and Iâm proud of you.âÂ
âI love you too, Y/N,â he says before hanging up the phone.
You stared at the phone in Morganâs hand long after the call had ended, his final words echoing in your ears like a cruel taunt.
The edges of your vision blurred. Your breath came in short, uneven gasps, and the pounding of your heart was a deafening drum in your ears. You took a stumbling step backward, the world suddenly tilting beneath your feet like the pavement had turned to quicksand.
âWhoa, hey,â Morganâs voice was distant, muffled. âY/N?â
You didnât respond, you couldnât. Your stomach churned violently, a wave of nausea rising up so fast you were sure youâd be sick right there on the asphalt. You stumbled again and barely managed to reach the curb before your legs gave out completely. You sat down hard, elbows on your knees, head in your hands, trying to breathe.
Morgan was beside you in an instant, crouching down next to you, one hand on your back, the other steadying your shoulder. âHey, hey, breathe. Just breathe, alright?â
You shook your head weakly. âHeâs infected, Derek.â Your voice cracked, hoarse with panic. âHeâs in that room and heâs already infectedââ
âI know,â he said softly, rubbing small circles into your back. âI know, but youâre gonna make yourself sick. You gotta breathe, okay? Right now, for him, you need to keep it together.â
You tried. You really did. But a dry heave wracked your body, and you had to brace yourself on the pavement to keep from collapsing entirely. Morgan didnât flinch. He stayed right beside you, unmoving, unwavering, that solid presence you had always admired.
âI shouldâve stopped him,â you choked out. âI shouldâve been there, but I was stuck with Hotch andââ
âDonât,â Morgan said, gently but firmly. âDonât do that. You think I donât feel the same way? I pushed him to go in. I didnât know it was gonna be aerosolized. I didnât know heâd get locked in. None of us did. But you know Reid. If he wasnât in that room, heâd be breaking down doors trying to get in.â
You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out the spinning in your head, the image of Spencerâs face behind a layer of glass, trapped, already contaminated. âHe always wants to be the hero,â you murmured.
Morgan gave a soft chuckle without humor. âHe doesnât even see it like that. To him, itâs logic. Rationality. If he can solve the problem, save more lives, heâll do it. Even if it kills him.â
You swallowed hard, the bitterness of bile burning the back of your throat. âI canât lose him, Derek.â
âI know,â he said again, this time quieter. âBut youâre not gonna. Reidâs smart. Heâs so damn smart. And stubborn as hell. You think heâs just gonna give up?â
You managed a small shake of your head.
âHeâs gonna find something. An angle. A clue. Heâs got you to fight for now, Y/N. Thatâs not nothing.â
You opened your eyes, blinking against the sunlight, and looked at Morgan for the first time since sitting down. His eyes were sincere. Grounding.
âHotch said theyâre working on suits,â you whispered. âAnd he said⊠he said there might be a cure, right?â
âThere might be,â Morgan nodded. âAnd thatâs more than we had twenty minutes ago. Kimura and the CDC are on it. And you know Garciaâs already neck-deep in every piece of data on this guy. Hotch will find the partner, and Reid, heâll keep doing what he does best.â
You nodded, your hands trembling as you wiped at your face. âI just feel so helpless.â
âYouâre not,â Morgan said firmly. âYouâre here. Youâre ready. And the second we get something actionable, we move. Together. Thatâs not how this team works.â
You took a deep breath, the first that didnât rattle in your chest. Your stomach still felt like it had been turned inside out, but the spinning had started to ease. âHeâs gonna be okay,â you whispered, trying to make yourself believe it.
Morgan rested his forearm across his knee, glancing back at the quarantined building. âYeah. Heâs gonna be okay. Heâs Reid. If anyone can get out of this, itâs him.â
You leaned your head against his shoulder, just for a moment, your eyes slipping shut. For now, there was nothing you could do but wait. But you werenât alone.Â
And that had to be enough.
Morgan picks up his phone and calls Reid.
Spencer coughs as he answers with a broken âhello.â
âHowâs it going in there, kid?â âIâve seen better days.â
Morgan sighs. âWell, youâve got me, Y/L/N, and Garcia.
Garciaâs voice breaks through the phone, she sounds sorrowful. âHey, Reid.â
Spencer coughs.Â
You tap Morganâs shoulder, âI canât listen to this,â you whisper.
Morgan pulls the speaker away from his mouth. âYouâre fine sweetheart. Go sit,â
You walk away, hearing Morgan begin to talk to Spencer again.
_____
The sounds around you were muffled. Sirens, shouting, the hum of equipment, but your entire focus was on the man standing just beyond the plastic sheeting, covered in protective gear, his expression tight despite the sweat and exhaustion on his face.
The second he stepped out of the contaminated building, your feet had moved of their own accord. You hadnât hesitated. You hadnât cared about protocol. You just had to be near him.
A team of CDC agents had swarmed in quickly, guiding him toward the decon zone, their voices clipped and clinical. But you stayed close, just on the other side of the barrier, and thankfully, no one had forced you back yet.
You watched as Morgan approached Spencer, tension visible in every line of his body.
âYeah, theyâre hosing him down now. All right,â Morgan said into his phone, then turned back to Spencer. âTheyâre checking out Brownâs house.â
Spencer gave a slight nod, blinking against the water streaming down his face. âGo help Hotch.â
âHotch has plenty of people helping him,â Morgan said, arms folded tightly across his chest.
âHe needs you more than I do,â Spencer insisted, his voice steady but quieter now. Tired.
Morgan frowned, reluctant. âReid, Iâm gonna see you off to the hospital.â
You could see the faint twitch of Spencerâs mouth. The smallest flicker of amusement. âIâm about to get naked so they can scrub me down. Is that something you really want to see?â
Despite everything, a choked laugh escaped you.
Morgan snorted, clearly trying not to smile. âIâll check on you later.â His expression softened as he turned toward the CDC techs. âTake good care of him, please.â
âIâm staying,â you said, finally stepping forward, your eyes locking with Morganâs.Â
âY/NâŠâ Morgan hesitated.
âI have to, Derek. Please.â
Morgan looked like he wanted to argue, but he read your face the same way he read rooms: expertly. He nodded, once, then turned and headed toward the SUVs in the distance.
You stayed behind the translucent curtain as Spencer began peeling off his clothes, his movements careful, mechanical. His hands were shaking.
Dr. Kimura moved efficiently, barking orders to the team before stopping in front of Spencer with a sealed evidence bag. âGet this to the lab. I hope youâre right about this,â she said to him.
âSo do I,â Spencer replied, his voice raw.
You could see it. He was fading fast. His adrenaline was wearing off, and the reality was settling into his bones like cold water.
Kimura turned back to him, eyes narrowing. âDr. Reid, did you cut yourself?â
You flinched. Your heart stopped.
Spencer glanced down at his forearm, where a thin red line trickled beneath the layers of dust and sweat. He hadnât even noticed it. âIâŠuhâŠI think I grazed the edge of the table when I fell.â
âGod,â you breathed, stepping fully into the zone before anyone could stop you. âSpenceâŠâ
Kimura raised a hand, but you were already gloving up, donning the surgical mask theyâd handed you earlier. You couldnât touch him, not directly, but you couldnât stay away either.
âIâll clean it,â Kimura said quickly, motioning to one of her assistants. âWeâll need to monitor him for signs of infection: heightened fever, difficulty breathing, anything out of the ordinary.â
You hovered just to the side, trying not to panic. The wound was shallow, but it was still a wound. And anthrax didnât need much.
âI feel fine,â Spencer said quietly, but even you could hear the fatigue behind it.
âYouâre not fine,â you said, finally meeting his eyes. âYouâre trying to be, but youâre not. And thatâs okay.â
He looked down, his mouth twitching faintly. âAre you going to watch them scrub me down?â
âIâm going to be right here when youâre done,â you said softly, stepping just a little closer. âAnd then Iâm going to follow the ambulance to the hospital. And Iâm going to sit in your room and drink bad coffee until they tell me youâre in the clear.â
âYou donât have toââ
âI do, Spencer.â
He didnât argue after that. Just nodded, once. He turned his head toward the CDC techs who were waiting with the decon solution, took a shaky breath, and whispered to you, âJust⊠donât leave.â
âNever,â you promised.
Dr. Kimura looked between you and Spencer, and after a moment, gave a small nod. âWeâll get him cleaned up and isolated for observation. Heâs not out of the woods yet, but he did the right thing going in there. Weâll do everything we can to make sure that sacrifice doesnât cost him.â
You nodded, swallowing thickly, and stepped back, letting them begin the process. Even with all the chaos still unfolding around you, agents shouting updates, CDC techs processing evidence, ambulances pulling away, you didnât hear any of it.
_____
The hospital room was too quiet. The steady beep of the heart monitor was the only thing reminding you that he was still here. Still breathing. Still fighting. You hadnât moved from the chair in hours. Maybe longer. Time had blurred ever since Spencer was dragged out of that lab, unconscious and gasping for air inside a hazmat suit.
Youâd never been more terrified in my life.
He looked so small now, tucked under white sheets, an IV in his arm and his skin pale against the hospital lighting. His curls were damp with sweat, and his lips were chapped. Every few minutes, a nurse would come in to check his vitals, but they barely glanced at you. You werenât family on paper, but no one had dared to ask you to leave. They could see it on your faceâif they tried, youâd make a scene.
Then, a flicker.
His eyes moved beneath his eyelids, just once. You shot up straighter in the chair, leaning forward with bated breath. Please. Please let him open them.
And then he did.
Spencerâs eyes fluttered open slowly, his pupils adjusting to the harsh light. He blinked a few times, disoriented, and then he squinted across the room.
âYouâre eating Jell-O?â he rasped.
You let out the first real breath you'd taken in hours.
Across the room, Morgan laughed, scooping another spoonful from the small plastic cup heâd snagged from the hospital cafeteria. âMmm. Hey, kid.â
He turned his head slightly toward you, his grip faint but responsive. You hadnât let go of his hand since the nurse first let you sit beside him. You werenât about to now.
At the door, Dr. Kimura stepped inside, clipboard in hand. Morgan grinned and gestured toward the bed. âHey, doc. Look whoâs back.â
Spencer looked around slowly, processing everyoneâs presence. âIs there any more Jell-O?â he asked weakly, his voice still hoarse.
Kimura stepped forward quickly, waving a hand. âHey. Not so fast,â she said gently, as Spencer made an effort to push himself up.
âWhat happened?â he asked, eyes flickering between the three of you.
Morgan stood and leaned on the bed railing. âYouâre gonna be all right, kid. And we got Brown. Itâs over.â
Spencer turned his tired gaze toward Dr. Kimura, brows furrowed with concern. âHowâs Abby?â
âSheâs on the mend,â Dr. Kimura answered. âSo are the three others. You were right about where to look for his cure.â
You didnât say anything. Your throat was too tight. You gave him a soft smile and brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. His skin was warm now. Not burning. Not deathly cold. Just⊠warm.
Spencer blinked slowly. âWhy was Dr. Nichols making anthrax in the first place?â
Morgan sighed. âHe was a brain scientist downgraded to working on the flu. Brown comes along asking for help on his thesisâŠâ
Spencer nodded faintly. âWould have been more than happy to share his knowledge.â
âThere was no indication that Nichols had any idea what Brown was planning,â Morgan added.
Kimura folded her arms. âHis strain and its cure are getting locked up in containment at Fort Detrick. With all the other bio-agents people donât know about.â
Morgan quirked an eyebrow. âReally. What else do they have locked up in there?â
They chuckled, and for a moment, things almost felt normal.
But it wasnât normal.
Not for you.
Because while they exchanged light banter, you were still sitting there holding the hand of the man you loved. The man youâd nearly lost just hours ago. And none of it felt real yet.
One by one, the team started to trickle out. Kimura gave you a gentle nod before stepping out. Morgan lingered a little longer, his gaze flicking from youto Spencer with quiet understanding. âYou good?â he asked you.
You nodded. âI am now.â
He smiled. âWeâll give you two some time.â
And then the door clicked shut, and you and Spencer were alone.
Spencerâs eyes were heavier now, exhaustion settling in again, but he didnât let go of your hand. âYou stayed,â he said softly, voice rough with fatigue.
You gave a breathy laugh, though it cracked on the way out. âOf course I stayed, Spencer. Where else would I be?â
âI didnât know if Iâd see you again.â His voice was quiet, like he was afraid to say it too loud.
You leaned forward, pressing your forehead against his temple. âI didnât know if Iâd get to talk to you again,â you whispered. âDo you have any idea how scared I was?â
His hand tightened in yours. You could feel the heat of his tears on his cheek. âIâm sorry,â he said.
âYou didnât put me through anything you wouldnât have done for someone else. You did the right thing.â Your throat felt thick. âBut watching you collapse in that lab and not knowing if you were going to make it? That wasâŠâ
You pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. âI couldnât say anything at the time. Not to Morgan. Not to Hotch. But I was losing my mind. You canât do that to me again.â
His expression crumbled at those words. âYou still love me? After this?â
âThereâs no version of the world where I donât love you. Even when youâre reckless and too selfless for your own good.â
He smiled through his tears. âThat sounds like something I would statistically analyze.â
You quietly laughed and climbed carefully into the bed beside him, curling into his side without disturbing the wires and IVs. His arm wrapped around you clumsily.
âI think I dreamed about you,â he murmured as you laid your head on his chest.
âOh yeah?â
He nodded slowly. âYou were yelling at me for being reckless. But then you kissed me and told me to do it again because you love heroic gestures.â
You smiled. âOnly if you promise to come back to me every time.â
His voice was barely a whisper now. âAlways.â
You pressed a kiss to his collarbone. âYou can sleep, Spence. Iâll stay right here.â
As his breathing slowed and his arm tightened ever so slightly around you, You finally let the last tears fall, quietly and freely. He was alive. He was here. And no matter what came next, you werenât going to let another day pass without reminding him just how much he meant to you.Because this job took too much from too many good people. a/n: hi :3
_____
next chapter: b is for Bare
other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist
view the masterlist in a calendar version!Â
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a/n: hi guys!!! you have no idea how happy I am to be back to releasing parts!!! I have HUGE plans for A-Z2 and I hope you guys all stick with me!
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Some Updates :)
Hi guys!
I've been absolutely grinding out part 2 of my A-Z Spencer Reid Series and I am so excited to announce my plan to begin releasing parts sometime within the next week!
On top of that, I've gone through and completely updated my taglist, so starting on the first release of A-Z2 it will be complete. If you are interested in joining the taglist, feel free to leave a comment on this post or any future series post!
I also opened a Buy Me A Coffee page, there is absolutely zero pressure to donate to me, however if you are in a good place and choose to do so, it is greatly appreciated. I am a full time college student and I work two jobs, I spend almost all my free time that I am not with my partner on this series.
Thank you everyone who has read or interacted with this series, no matter how big or small. I love that people enjoy my writing!
HAVE AN AMAZING DAY GUYS!!!
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