when the coffee drink (yes coffee w caloriesš³) said ānot finished? refrigerateā and Iām low key triggered cuz some ppl donāt finish itt
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omg I just tried to drink this appetite suppressant weight loss drink (powder that u mix w water) and it tastes SO bad. like u melted a lemon head...idk if I can do this. Although it tasted so bad I may have lost my appetite anyway.
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so I started actually restricting (instead of just restrict b/p cycle) for the last few days but like I felt fine Iām not restricting very much but today I woke up just SO hungry and woozy and no matter how much I eat and drink Iām still not full...idk what to do cuz I rlly rlly rlly donāt wanna binge.
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Me: *actually is forgetting about calories and making genuine strides and not binging but eating a good amount*
random bitches on snap: omggg Iām starving myselfff woops
me: *dies in Iām fat*
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I never rlly abused laxatives but I used them once in a while after a binge (not rlly more than the normal dosage tho). I wanna make sure my body doesnāt get dependent tho so Iāve completely stopped and Iām constipated af cuz Iāve also been eating a lot more (and a lot more unhealthy) soooo this suxxx. Hopefully it will b worth it š¤
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how come when my sister complains and lies in bed and wonāt come w us when we do shit or do anything for Motherās Day sheās depressed but if I do that shit everyone hates me and my mom guilts me for doing nothing. Like ok but havenāt I been the only one to do shit for like the past 15 years??
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Istg if my fam calls me dramatic when I try to actually say how Iām feeling Iām gonna kms.....and then fail again and get called dramatic
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Tb to my time in the psych ward when they were like ādoes mental illness run in the familyā and my mom was like ye her sister has severe anorexia. And then they asked how much of their breakfast everyone ate and I was like ā10%ā and they were like āok!ā And I ate like 2 pieces of lettuce at dinner and they were like āwoah sheās actually eating something healthy!! Good job!ā itās a great place yk
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Just casually thinking about how my fam has like no food and is trying to save money rn while Iām chewing and spitting
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No one:
Me: so whatād u eat today???
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I wasted tofu my mom cooked for food prep for me and an entire loaf of expensive bread that my mom buys just for me....I feel rlly bad bc money is tight rn and everyone is fighting for food bc of covid. Itās not like I wasnāt even eating I was eating but I was only binging processed shit instead of making actual meals. I hate myself. I feel so guilty.
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What I look like rn after thinking I could stop counting calories and intuitively eat without bingingš¤”:
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If one more person talks about how little theyāve eaten today when Iām trying to stop counting calories Iām gonna kms
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I rlly hate when I count out and plan out what Iām gonna eat and then my sister or someone takes a bite without asking like idk y it rlly bothers me.
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Me after debating if I should recover or not for a bit: hey (little sister) can I have a chip??
My little sister: THEYRE MINE NO
Me: oh ok...*goes and cries for an hour*
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Okay tho Iāve been eating a lot more and gained a little bit (might be cuz of water retention tho) Iām starting to realize that my health has been better..like Iām less fatigued, overall less bloated, havenāt been constipated, etc. like maybe..just maybe...Iām doing something good by not b/p??? Still unsure rlly and Iāll wait and see how I feel but I havenāt purged in like a week and Itās been rlly hard but maybe I shouldnāt ignore the fact that my body is feeling happier.
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Hey! For u ed gals who still get their period I just thought Iād mention that naturally ur body needs more calories on ur period!!! U will also gain slightly (up to 5 lbs) but will lose it afterwards! Overexercising can actually cause ur body to decrease muscle and increase fat!!! Sometimes u just need to listen to ur body and realize that it has its reasons for cravings and doesnāt just hate u :)
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