spikedcarapace - Tumblr blog

[spikedcarapace]

[spikedcarapace]

if it is indeed true that everything that has ever upset me in my life is my own fucking fault, then what the fuck am i supposed to do about it

its always my fault

and i dont know what to do. where to go. im lost

i 

am i making everything up, or am i actually broken?

do i actually have no clue who i am, or am i just imagining it

i wonder what my dad will sayb when he finds out im ace

thats basically the only thing i know for myself

and why do people like me all i know for myself is just the negative and the negative and the negative so = im a horrible person, but people talk to me so ? am i good

this i sbcasically a thoughtdump post but hey i cant get my thoughts in order uless i write them all down before thehy fly away into the abyss of my mind

my current mood boils down to a lot of things but one of them is am i actually this upset or am i just making it up for attention? i feel upset. i was ready to break something yesterday just to make it stop

that would point to actually being upset

but why do i always go back to invalidating myself?

[spikedcarapace]

i want to play soemthing to distract myself

or talk to someone but idfk who rn

i just dont want to feel like shit anymore

its sad that ive just taught myself to go to self depreciation right off the bat

the “everyone probably hates me” feeling is kicking up again

[spikedcarapace]

im 17 and im at the point where i basically ahve to tell people “yeah i havent really had much of a life”

my dad woulkd say its my own fault, for not getting off the computer. but after youve been moved away from all your friends (that you could count on one hand!!) multiple times and taken out of school when you were 6 so you never really learned or got the chance to make new ones, what else are you supposed to do? i cant move away from people online

unless my dad decides im not allowed to go ont he computer

i really just wish i had a normal life because right now mine’s just sad. and as much as i wish i could say i dont, i feel like ive basically just given up already

i feel like im only a fraction of a person

[spikedcarapace]

I haven't been doing my math. I haven't been doing anything. I'm so scared. math is hard it bores me out of my mind I can only hope I can sit down and understand what the GED books give me I hope my dad doesn't try to get me to do it a year early