spondeesoliloquy

[spondeesoliloquy]

February 1

i’ve got your voice inside my head as i get working, very far from home, trying to remember what it looked like last i saw. i’m afraid to claim what isn’t mine— but i must bind myself, or drift away.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 31

the night asked me no questions and ignored the ones i caroled chasing at its footsteps— mostly why, why, why? it did not have to answer. it has only to descend.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 30

one day the rain will leave. already i’ve forgotten what those things i thought two years ago might do, might change, might say. These faint preoccupations tumble forward, and are gone— one day the rain will leave, like all my other careless thoughts.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 29

my mind is not so clear as it might be. i’m creaking forward out of habit, at the moment— soon enough i’ll find momentum.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 28

this is something ancient in my hands and yet brand new— made in barest moments, reaching back ten thousand years— the memory of things we eat runs long and deep and wide and yet is bright remade with every time we meet and make.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 27

Bursting joy upon the tongue like some first bite, so hot and bright. It almost hurts the biting down on moments that might slip away— and yet the taste is sweet, and might yet outlast the burn.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 26

the storm is singing to itself in the high clouds, far away, where we cannot hear the music or its end. and yet we wait.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 25

neon soft as melting butter— all of it’s a gas, the one drifting to be scented or bottled into light. the feeling almost floating, the night not yet come down.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 24

hard to chase a joy that goes unshared. the lesson has come up to me, a shy and shining thing—the learning that the pleasure lies in bringing someone with you. the company is what makes moments bright.

[spondeesoliloquy]

Tumblr is such a delightful space because there really is people from all walks of life. There's somebody with the life experience range of an 11-year-old in a 33-year-old body going "actually being engaged with this thing that I have never encountered in real life is super weird and creepy, I don't know anybody who does that", and the next person is like "we are trying to teach my daughter latin since she already knows all the latin names of her favourite animals and my grandmother's best friend is an university professor who teaches it", and the next one is like "anyway a funny thing happened today when I was sucking dick for meth "

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 23

The task has waited, then, for doing, since the last time that I did it. Is that how it works? The proper ways are packed away. Every pattern set is meant to be re-trod again. Every line that falls to placing merely waits to be continued.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 22

Turn me into morning from the darkest part of night. I’m waiting for all things to change—the weight of it is crushing. Turn the mourning off too, while I’m making wishes— let the grieving leave itself behind at last. Contained.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 21

The weariness came up and over flowed around the edges wrapped the world in haziness and turning. the time will come again. that’s what’s worth remembering.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 20

The world is tumbling forward. I can’t seek refuge in the past, not when the future’s waiting open armed and bright as snow. I go in search of answers for how things cohere and break, I go in search of blueprints for a refuge I might build.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 19

This is the best that could have been, because it’s real. There are some dreams that I let fall aside— there are goodbyes that I ought to have made. And yet, this is what is. The place I stand exists. This time that I have had is mine, my life, and it is best.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 18

this dancing is a spell. maybe only one to tamp the earth, but anything so luminous with living must be magic. hands linked up like chains and ropes and roots, and other things that bind. feet moving in echoes setting out to master time.

[spondeesoliloquy]

January 17

i want to sing again the old songs that raised me out of withering. i want to let my voice remember laughing. for enough time i’ve been silent. i want to carol with the dawn.