sprinklytrashypoems

[sprinklytrashypoems]

I am not a woman.

Those words scare me.

I spent my whole life being told I was a girl. I hated that, with my hair in a ponytail, I looked like a boy. I was jealous of other girls when they said they started wearing bras, and I still had a flat chest.

I spent my whole life being told I was a girl. I wear bras now, I don't look like a boy. It seems I got exactly what I wanted. But some part of me feels wrong. Like this wasn't really what I wanted.

I spent my whole life being told I was a girl. Born a woman, always a woman, that was my inescapable fate. Everyone I know, everyone I love, that's who I am to them. A woman.

I spent my whole life being told who I was. Now I fear saying those words. The words that would solidify the truth I avoided by using she/her at every turn. If I say it, it would be real. If I speak it, I can never turn back.

I am not a woman.

Those words scare me.

[sprinklytrashypoems]

I see my breath in the cold air

As I shiver for warmth that was never there

The chains that bind me are rusted

Yet they never seem to break

Eternally, I devour myself

Yet I remain unsatisfied

Eternally, unsatisfied.

[sprinklytrashypoems]

The Star

I wished on a star

I didn't wish for a car

I didn't wish for money or fame

I didn't wish to travel far

I didn't wish to fly in a private jet

I didn't wish to just fly

I didn't wish for snow or sunshine

I didn't wish for a dime

I just quietly whispered to the star

"I wish my mom was happy.

I wish I was better for her."

[sprinklytrashypoems]

Mistake

I peeled off my face

Bit by bit

I scratched and itched

Til I got rid of it

I didn't want it anymore

I didn't like my face

So I peeled off my face

There's nothing left of it

The doctor said it's unfixable

I'll never have a face again

And I smiled and said

"I don't want it"

I peeled off my face

I looked in the mirror

At the exposed flesh in it's place

And I stared at it...

Why did I peel off my face?

[sprinklytrashypoems]

Sick.

I feel so sick

And I think I might vomit

I don't know where I am

I don't know what I'm doing

I know my head is aching

I feel so sick

So so sick

I think this might be it

If this is it then I'm sorry

I wish I was a better daughter

I wish I was a better sister

I wish I was a better lover

I know I'm not what you wanted

I just feel so sick

If I vomit I hope my guts come spilling out

I hope this headache is my head exploding

I hope all the fatigue is from my death

I hope all the pain is finally the end

I feel so fucking sick

But I don't really feel all that sick

I feel numb

I feel tired

I feel alone

I feel so sick

[sprinklytrashypoems]

When you're lost

I sat and I stayed

And I didn't move an inch

And I waited for someone to find me

I waited and waited

Right there where I was

And watched all the people walk by me

They kept on walking

Until they stopped coming

And no one ever stopped to see me

But even then I waited

I just waited and waited

Hoping for someone to save me

But the past is past

And no one else is here

There's no one else who can find me

[sprinklytrashypoems]

To Be a Woman

I heard a man talking to his friends

He said he walked to the market the day before

Just before he went to sleep

I wish I could do the same

I heard a group of men making plans

They said tomorrow they would go to the beach

And stay til the sunrise

I wondered what it was like

I walked down the street in the light of day

The street was empty and I looked over my shoulder

I always look over my shoulder

I wonder what it's like

To be a man

[sprinklytrashypoems]

There is a void where my heart should be

Nothingness in the place of things I love

​Hollowness where others get butterflies

I look at the chasm of my life

And realize that I am empty

[sprinklytrashypoems]

And you were like the morning sun

Shining brightly in the sky

You were so beautiful

And I was simply nothingness

I didn't even exist

The sun doesn't care for something so empty.

[sprinklytrashypoems]

I bleed red.

The scattered glass lay broken on the floor

Shining like a thousand shimmering stars on a dark night

As I pick up the pieces I realize that stars burn, glass cuts, and I bleed

I bleed red, deep red, dripping on the floor, bleeding onto stars in the night sky

I bleed red. I am human. Stars burn, glass cuts, and I bleed. I bleed red.

[sprinklytrashypoems]

Confession

I've done a terrible thing

I killed a man

With my own two hands

And I didn't even shed a tear

I pulled the trigger

And left him for dead

And watched him as he wept

He wept for his mother

He wept for his father

He wept for his sister and his brother

I killed a man

With my own two hands

But I did not weep

He didn't deserve to die

Lord, he didn’t deserve to die

An innocent man with hopes and dreams

He didn't deserve to die

If only such a nice man

Hadn't met a man like me

I killed a man

With my own two hands

What a cruel end to meet

I feel no remorse

No shame or guilt

I don't deserve to

A dead man does not feel

A corpse does not weep

A skeleton does not scream

I killed a man

I killed a man

I killed a man

I'm sorry to my mother

I'm sorry to my father

I'm sorry to my sister and my brother

But I am not a man

I am a monster

And I killed a man

[sprinklytrashypoems]

If the world ended, I'd be at your doorstep with popcorn and a movie

We can cozy up on the couch and forget all our problems as everything goes up in a blaze

If anything happened, I'd be at your doorstep with pillows and a blanket

We'll stay up all night, and you can tell me all about it while I wipe tears off your face

If we ever had to part, I'd find my way to your doorstep with a hug and my neverending love

We can reminisce over coffee and talk about the good old days

If my world ended, I'd still visit your grave with roses and this poem

I read it to you every day so that, even in death, you know my love never fades.

[sprinklytrashypoems]

I feel like a caged animal

Sitting inside a zoo

Clawing and screaming to get out

But laughing and taking pictures is all people do

All I am to you is an idiot

Who can't do anything right

And I'm trying so hard to stay silent

To not put up a fight

I don't want you to leave me

No matter how much it hurts

But while you laugh at my pain

The pain only ever gets worse

Why can't you see

I am human too

I'm not perfect

And neither are you

But all I am to you

Is an animal caged in a zoo

For you to look upon and judge

And I'll pretend to laugh too.

[sprinklytrashypoems]

Parasites

A trashy poem by Sprinkles

They tell us they're not evil

As they wrap themselves in blood-stained silk sheets

While leaving the rest of us to sleep on the streets

[sprinklytrashypoems]

You could stab me in the back ten times over and I still wouldn't let you go.

You could kill me in cold blood and I'd still come back to you as a ghost.

You could tell me you hate me and I'd still love you so.

You can be as cruel as you want to me.

Just let me stay at your side.

[sprinklytrashypoems]

Main blog: @sprinklethetangerine

[sprinklytrashypoems]

The Sound of Loneliness

A trashy poem by Sprinkles

You left me alone

And soon the world fell silent

The traffic is still as loud as it was before

And the birds sing like they always did

But all I hear is emptiness

Once filled with your laughter

Once filled with your voice

Once filled with your soul