0-the-party-0 - Tumblr blog

0-the-party-0 · 7 months ago

Text

This is such a good fic.

Rinse and Spit [Part 6] - A Mouthwashing AU

FINALLY, this chapter is written. Enjoy it y'all, there will be More Development next time.

The dynamics shift on the Tulpar as the crew carries on without a certain shadow. But where does Curly stand in these new dynamics?

And why can't he shake the feeling he's one mistake away from being next?

Content Warning:

PTSD episode is depicted

Word Count: 2,400

Anya had left after tending to his new injuries. Curly almost found it funny that, by some cursed miracle, he could possibly get more hurt than he already was.

Presumably, she left to speak with Swansea and Daisuke. That had been a long time ago. He could hear, even through the heavy metal doors, that they were yelling. Swansea raising his voice, Anya raising her voice, even Daisuke.

He knew what they were arguing about.

One Captain laid dead. It was time to decide what happened to the other.

Curly had weighed in his head his chances. Daisuke seemed to still like him, at the very least. That’s one vote in his favor. Swansea, on the other hand, didn’t seem like he’d spit on him if he was on fire. That’s one vote against him.

That only left Anya.

Anya. Who he utterly failed every chance he had to be a good leader for. Who he abandoned to go save her attacker’s hide over protecting her.

He didn’t see the next few hours panning out well for him.

Take responsibility

So all he could do was wait.

And all the while, Jimmy was laying there. A pool of blood had settled under his head and neck. The entire room smelled metallic, with the stink of mouthwash mixing unpleasantly with it all.

It was at least easy for Curly to not look at him. He’d learned to do that very well, not looking at Jimmy.

Instead, he could focus on what he was feeling. The image of the scalpel so close to his eye burned into his mind. The feeling of the saw’s teeth in his leg still radiated through his entire body. The burn of vomit still sat sticky in his throat and mouth.

Maybe he should stop focusing on what he’s feeling.

He couldn’t look at the screen anymore. He couldn’t listen to its buzzing anymore.

And yet, that’s all he could do.

That’s all he deserved to do.

When had this all gone so wrong?

Was Jimmy always a monster? Curly didn’t know. He knew that Anya and Jimmy’s relationship had started to fall apart, even before this hell of a voyage. He had thought they were just arguing.

“There’s better nurses, you know.”

Jimmy played with the lighter in his hands, flicking it on and off, letting the lid make its little clicking sounds as he stared down at the floor.

“Excuse me,” Curly asked, looking up from the clipboard. Jimmy had been silent for the entire inspection of the cockpit. That was okay. Curly had been doing this for years, he knew what to look for without his help.

“I’m just saying. There’s gotta be better nurses working for Pony Express, right? Ones who actually made it into medical school? I mean, fuck, even school nurses need a degree, don’t they? How come you don’t request one of those?”

Curly shrugged. “I mean… It’s Pony. I don’t think anyone with that much school debt is gonna be working in a dump like this, yeah?”

Curly tried to laugh. Jimmy didn’t. Curly clicked the pen uncomfortably.

“Plus, Pony offers medical school courses. Don’t need a degree if they’re teaching you what you need themselves right? That’s how you’re a pilot.”

Curly regretted it the second it left his mouth.

“Yeah. I get it. I owe it all to you. Consider me fucking thankful.”

He didn’t look at Jimmy, but he could feel the glare burning into his head. “...Sorry. But, why bring this up anyway? I like Anya.”

Jimmy didn’t respond, just huffed and leaned as far back as he could in his pilot’s seat. Curly heard the click of the lighter, and Jimmy take a dragging breath.

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“You know there’s no smoking on Pony property. I’ve told you that a million times now. It’s my ass they chew for that, you know.”

“You and Pony can bite me.”

Curly sighed, running a hand down his face.

“Look. I’m sorry for what I said. My point was Pony gives people chances. It gave you a chance, and you like being a pilot, right? So, it’s fair Anya’s got a chance too. And she’s a damn good nurse.”

Curly finally looked at Jimmy. He was never really good at reading the man’s expressions.

“I guess.” Jimmy finally cracked a little bit of a smile. “I do like being in control for once in my life.”

Curly turned that memory over in his head a lot. That had to have been a hint. He should have pushed more. Should have questioned it more. It was so obvious. A red flag he missed. One of many…

Even lifeless, Curly could feel Jimmy’s gaze burning him.

At least Curly wasn’t alone anymore.

He finally brought himself to look at Jimmy. The color had completely drained from his face. His eyes were unseeing, staring at nothing, yet everything at the same time.

He didn’t know how long he sat there until the door opened again.

He couldn’t look. He wondered how they’d do it. The ax? The gun? Something else? He didn’t know. But maybe a selfish part of him is at least glad it’ll all be over soon.

I hope this hurts

“...You got lucky.”

That was Swansea. There was a sound of a thud, and something dragging over the metal floor. He finally turned his head to watch Swansea drag Jimmy’s body away. The older man didn’t look the Captain in the eye.

“Very lucky.”

Curly watched as Swansea dragged the former pilot away, Anya entering soon after. That’s odd… She already took care of his injuries, didn’t she? She looked tired. And sad.

Anya looked at him. For a very long time. He looked away.

“...Try to get some sleep, Captain.”

She reached behind Curly’s head, fluffing up the pillow a little before she took her old seat next to him.

Curly didn’t move. He didn’t look at her. He tried to breathe as quietly as possible. Because… Well, if he moved, it might break whatever spell has come over the Med Bay.

Anya was back…

The days carried on like that. Anya was back at his side. She wasn’t as chatty with him as she was at the beginning but… She seemed at ease.

You know why.

She carried on with her duties. She changed Curly’s bandages, cleaned him, and brought him more IV calories… Curly didn’t know how she’d managed that, he had zero faith that Pony would have packed something that helpful. She had something about that, long ago. Something about how Swansea rigged the fabricator.

She even started chatting with him again. Just a little bit. But it was something. Something to listen to that made Curly feel like he wasn’t just a pile of raw meat on the table.

She even became the one to give him his pain killers.

When she first approached him with a pill bottle, Curly hated how much he flinched. Anya just looked at him, her eyes full of sadness and regret.

“It’s… It’s okay now, Captain. I can manage this.”

She was far more gentle in giving him the pills than Jimmy was. She sat him up, she eased his mouth open, she was careful and delicate with her fingers. She even gave him a glass of water to help it down.

Curly trusted her. He knew he shouldn’t, knew he didn’t deserve to feel at ease around her, but he did. She very easily could have made this all more painful than it needed to be, and she’d have the right.

But she never did.

She set him back down as gently as she lifted him up. Yet Curly still felt ghosts of hands on his neck. Of fingers probing the back of his throat. Of nails digging under his bandages. He watched her for movement. For signs of vengeance.

But nothing ever came of his watching.

She read her books quietly. Listened to her music and smiled. She laughed when Daisuke poked his head into the Med Bay. She didn’t tense up whenever the door opened anymore. She looked happier than even before the crash.

Take responsibility

He wished he could feel as at ease as she seemed to. Curly heard the metal doors slide open, a familiar, gruff voice filling him with dread.

“Anya, please, take some time to rest.”

“Swansea-” Curly could see Anya standing a bit behind him. She looked worried. She was wringing her hands together, her gaze flicking between the older man and the captain.

“I promise. You know I’m good for it.” Swansea had his back to Curly. He wished he could see the expressions on his face. Or, maybe it was better he didn’t.

She held eye contact with Curly for a very long time before she finally nodded.

“...Okay.”

The door closed again, Swansea taking a deep breath, before finally turning around.

The two men stared at each other for a long time. Curly was certain he could hear his own heart beat picking up speed.

“...Anya needs sleep. You need meds. I’m filling in for her.”

Please no…

Curly watched as Swansea strolled over to the desk with the pain killers. He looked at the bottle intensely.

“Paracetamol? This shit is for fevers. Joint aches. You can’t be getting much from this, can you?”

Curly waited a few moments. For what, he wasn’t sure. Maybe for him to dump the few painkillers he had down the drain. Or maybe for him to threaten him.

But it didn’t happen.

“Whatever helps, I guess. That’s what Anya said.”

Swansea turned back around, a pill in his hand. His expression looked generally bored. Maybe annoyed.

I hope this hurts

Curly couldn’t help but start to shake.

Swansea hated him. Granted, for a good reason. But Swansea hated him, and was now approaching him with a pill.

“You’re real lucky Anya has a soft spot for you right now.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his free hand. “You got us into this fucking mess. And now we’re taking care of you. Isn’t it the Captain’s job to take care of the crew?”

I hope this hurts

Swansea was standing over Curly now.

Curly knew what Swansea looked like. He’d been looking at that tired face for almost 8 years. He knew what he looked like. He knew his receding hairline, his full face and thick neck, his pot belly and stocky limbs.

So why did his hair suddenly look longer? Why did his face and limbs suddenly look thinner?

“Whatever.”

Why did his eyes look so empty?

“I hope these make you fucking feel better.”

I hope this hurts

Jimmy was standing over him. He was smiling his empty smile and standing over him, reaching towards him. Of course. Of course Anya killing him had to be a dream. He couldn’t escape it that easily.

He couldn’t dodge responsibility that easily.

Take responsibility.

There were hands on him. A voice talking to him.

No, no, please no…

He flailed his limbs. It wouldn’t help, it never did, it only ever made things worse, but he had to do something. He couldn’t go back to this nightmare. No matter how much he deserved it. No matter how much he knew Anya’s gentleness was too good for him. He couldn’t go back.

“...urly! Curly! Stop!”

Suddenly he was being held. Tightly. A hug?�� Anya?

He could smell something metallic, something like oil and sweat.

Swansea…

Curly froze in Swansea’s grip. The man was hugging him. Or maybe he was trying to hold him together.

“Are you done?”

Curly couldn’t see his face. And he wasn’t about to lift his head to check.

“Stop fucking staring at me.”

He couldn’t place the tone in Swansea’s voice. He wasn’t sure when he got so bad at reading people. Then he felt the ghosts of hands on his throat. Maybe he was never good at reading people.

The captain then realized he was asked a question.

Answer the question, you won’t be hit as hard.

Curly nodded, his body still slightly shaking.

Swansea’s grip gently released, an arm moving to support his back to keep him sitting up. The engineer seemed to be feeling for something. His fingers traced along his side, feeling his ribs through the hospital gown.

“Jesus…”

Curly didn’t know if he was meant to respond to him. He usually had to guess with Jimmy, but he at least knew what to expect from Jimmy.

He didn’t know what Swansea would have in store.

Gently, although not as gently as Anya, Swansea tilted Curly’s head back and opened his mouth. The captain couldn’t help but flinch again.

“Hey. Curls. Look at me.”

Curly shook his head.

“Can you look at me?”

Take responsibility

Curly slowly turned his eye to finally look at Swansea. The man’s expression was harsh but… something seemed tempered. Softer than before. Frustrated, maybe conflicted.

“Look, I don’t know what he did to you. Fucked up shit, probably, if you were freaking out that badly. But I’m not him. Yeah, I’m pissed at you. But I’m not going to hurt you.”

Curly still didn’t move. The two looked at each other for a long time.

“Can I give you your medicine now? It’s probably not doing too much, but hey. It’s something, right?”

The captain waited for Swansea to move. Get angry. Say something about how ungrateful he’s being. To do… Something.

“Gotta give me a nod, bub.”

Curly hesitated another moment before nodding. Swansea sighed, nodding back. He tilted the captain’s head back, gently feeding the pill down his throat, and helping it down with some water. Swansea wasn’t as delicate as Anya. But it was probably due more to his broad and callused fingers than… malice.

Swansea set him back down softly, making sure his head reached the pillow.

“Goodnight. Get some sleep. Daisuke’s been working on something for you. Won’t tell me what it is, but says it’s going to be ‘super important.’ Whatever that means. So… I guess be ready for that.”

Curly was only half listening. A part of him was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Swansea to say that one last thing to make sure he remembered his place in the pecking order.

But he didn’t.

“...Jimmy’s not here anymore. You can relax a little.”

And he left.

Curly listened to the static buzz for a long time. He felt tears stinging the side of his face long before he realized he was crying.

He swallowed the sobs down, even though it hurt his chest. He clamped his mouth as closed as he could manage, until his teeth hurt.

He had only just gotten this small blessing of peace.

He was not going to ruin it by bothering them anymore.

#mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #anya mouthwashing #daisuke mouthwashing #swansea mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing

27 notes · View notes