sschmendrick - Tumblr blog

[sschmendrick]

I look up from my desk, and this is the first thing I see-- Gengar, sleeping peacefully on a mountain of pillows in the thin winter sunlight, like the fanciest of odalisques in the prettiest of paintings, with the pet hair air filter (which we got BECAUSE OF HER) softly whirring behind her head like her own personal white noise machine.

My daughter. Life is just so hard for you, isn't it?

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Only the subtlest metaphors on this Tumblr.

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i don't smoke for the obvious reasons of not wanting to develop an addiction to nicotine but god do i so often feel the emotion 'i need a cigarette'.

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Did you guys know that the most recent version of sharks have fins that are kinda leg like and they like to walk up onto land?

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ok girlies we are at a sleepover. we know how many crush confessions you’ve given and received. now tell us how many people you’ve kissed

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New discourse: it's actually predatory to date someone with a different star sign than you, because the differences in your personalities means you'll never be able to have exactly the same life experiences, thus leaving a knowledge and power gap between the two of you which will inevitably lead to an abusive relationship!

also if you're a Sag and you're dating a Taurus, that means you're secretly seeking a May-December relationship, which is age gap coded!

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they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

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"we need less sanitized queer stories" yall keep saying fucking she-ra romanticizes abuse. you couldnt possibly handle less sanitized queer stories

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*makes cup of coffee* *forgets about it* *sees cup* aw damn its gone cold. gonna heat it back up in the microwave. *heats up the cup of coffee in the microwave* *forgets about it* *sees cup* aw damn its g

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the ache of nostalgia

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Awkward.

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neko

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More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

[sschmendrick]

no sé cómo decir nadaaa