sscieloz

[sscieloz]

my toxic lovers

save a horse, ride a cowgirl | sophia laforteza

synopsis: the wife you never wanted to see again has re-appeared like a phantom, with nothing else but "let's get a divorce". you have more than a couple words to say to that effect.

pairing: (ex-ish) wife!sophia x cowgirl!reader

tags: angst, slow-burn, fluff, smut, g!p reader (don't like, don't read), tension, marriage troubles, guns (no one dies!), cheating but also not really cheating, slight religious themes, cowboys/cowgirls, a-list-celebrity!sophia, more...

wc: 14.5k

"you'll probably leave later, anyway it's love made in the usa"

it was on a tuesday. 

up by 5am, ready to get the daily chores moving. bold strides across your bedroom, feeling the hardwood creak under your feet as you cross into the bathroom. you give yourself a once over as you brush your teeth. the soreness from your daily activities wears into your body. 

loose hair falling over your brows as you wash your face. the water trickling through your hands, and a little wax to keep your hair back. 

afterwards, you’re whistling to yourself, light tunes that keep you in motion as you slide on the long thick denim pants, holster on the right side, and boots that have worn in over the years. 

your favorite black leather pair.

there’s nothing more serene than being in the quiet, the soft sounds of animals, and the wind blowing at the windchimes.

and soon you’re out the door, chewing on a stick. taking a long view of the most gorgeous yellows and oranges peering just over the horizon, lifting slowly into the sky.

signaling yet another day on this planet.

and with the click of the heel you’re headed down to the barn. stride in pace with the snapping of your fingers.

you can already see charlie in the distance, curled up next to the barn. soft breathing as his ears twitch.

you let out a whistle as you approach. and charlie has shot up like a lightning bolt. eyes alert and ears forward. the cattle dog making a mad dash for you when he spots you in the distance.

he halts to a quick stop and sits in front of you, panting loudly.

“good boy, let’s get our day started.” you give him some pets as you continue to travel down the graveled path. he lets out a loud bark and runs for the chicken coop. 

the chickens are clucking loudly, already rounding towards the fence. 

they know the drill, the sight of you in the early morning means feeding, and they’re happily clucking.

you unlatch the small door to the coop, reaching inside for a couple of eggs, and dropping them into a basket. you quietly fill the buckets of chicken feed, checking the troughs thoroughly and then closing the gate behind you, the basket full of eggs bouncing against your leg as you leave it on a crate.

you’re rounding the back to fill their pots with fresh water when you hear charlie.

your head perks up and you stride towards the sound. it's the loud kind of bark that hits you in the chest. sound rattling your body as he growls at something in the distance. 

your eyes following a dust trail that reveals a big car. one that’s unfamiliar, and one that definitely does not belong on these paths.

the dust from the ground is forming a cloud. shielding it until it comes to a stop by the entrance of your ranch. 

a big shiny grey suburban parks right out front.

“this can’t be any good, charlie.” you’re walking towards the car, listening to the heels click as you try and look into the car. 

it’s tinted and the dust cloud is settling. 

you get close enough before you shout.

“good morning, anything i can help you with?” there’s no movement. and you’re tempted to kick one of the headlights out. 

“this is private property, if you have no business here, then leave.” you shout again, hand clutching your belt buckle. 

charlie’s eyes are wide and he’s drooling, ready to attack at a moment’s call. he continues to bark until you pet him, and he stills. unlike him, you continue to tap your feet until you notice a movement.

one of the side doors opens, a tall man fitted in a black suit starts to approach you. sunglasses pressed up the bridge of his nose and without a smile to match.

“hello sir, are you lost?” you ask, and he’s got something in his hand. a manila folder that he hands to you, no further words.

you look at him a little puzzled, grabbing the folder and opening to the sight of: 

STATE OF NEW MEXICO

DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE WITHOUT CHILDREN.

and right there at the bottom of the page is that signature, the same one that you were smiling at years ago when you were getting married.

sophia laforteza wants a divorce.

you continue to stare at the papers, eyes already a bit blurry, the resounding thumping of your heart hitting your ears and all you can hear is the panic that ensues in your own body. it’s getting harder to breathe calmly.

you’re feeling the pressure hit your head, until you let out a shaky breath.

then you rip it to shreds, all of it. all the mentions of a divorce, you tear it right in his face. pieces of paper flying all over the ground. either for him or for yourself: the reminder that sophia signed this doesn’t exist anymore.

he doesn’t make any movements, face as stoic as he came.

“don’t ever come by here again.” you say slowly at him. he doesn’t move or respond. 

“did you hear me? or are you deaf?”

he’s quick to draw a gun, but not as quick as you, the barrel already aimed at him, trigger cocked back. and he’s aiming you down with his handgun.

“i’ll slam this bullet right in your family jewels if you don’t leave right now.” 

you poke it at his liver, and lower it slowly at his groin. he doesn’t flinch. and now you’re staring into sunglasses that stare back into you. the sun’s shining into your eye, but you keep your hand steady. not missing the way a bead of sweat drips down his forehead.

you’re both standing off from each other, and a door opens from behind him. you peek over his shoulder and wait for someone to show themself. he barely moves an inch and you’re already ready to blow him away. 

he tucks his gun away.

returning to the side of the car and lending a hand as someone gets out of the car.

your gun is still aimed at him.

and out she steps.

you swear to yourself that you must be sick, some parasite must have infected your brain functionality, infected your vision, infected the way your eyes are seeing the world. 

you blink a couple times, swear that the sun is hitting the figure and refracting the light in such a way that what you see before you cannot be true.

because in the flesh, your not-so-dead-ex-wife sophia is looking at you. 

“can you put the gun down? we need to talk.” she sighs. 

you let out an long breath, lowering the gun back into your holster.

so much for a relaxing tuesday.

--

in front of you is a woman you’re too familiar but not familiar enough with. she’s sitting in the home you two built but she doesn’t belong.

she looks even more gorgeous than you remembered. well tamed hair, heavy makeup and a bold lipstick to match. her red bottom heels sticking into the floorboards and earrings that dance in the sunlight.

she doesn’t fit here, at least not anymore. her clothes are too clean, her posture is too straight and you reckon she feels the same way.

“i’m sorry for showing up randomly, but i want a divorce.” she speaks to you gently.

and it’s like listening to a ghost. 

one that you’ve already mourned, but here she is in all her glory. bone, flesh and talking to you.

you think about how there’s an empty casket right behind the laforteza’s backyard. how you had to comfort mrs. laforteza for months, her weeping into your arms. the tears are still staining your shirt and your heart.

you remember the long nights with mr. laforteza. working with the county police and even going to the state to locate the very woman in front of you. you remembered the way his eyes went hollow after days of no updates. the way he begged you to bring his daughter back home.

you felt like you failed. you were supposed to protect her, keep her safe. you swore at their feet that the only priority in your life was her, that you married her to help her blossom. 

and then she disappeared. like an echo into the night, she disappeared into nothingness. you searched for her day and night. you practically galloped the whole city, searching high and low for her. no one else knew anything either. you talked to every town person, telling them to notify you if there was any news.

you lost sleep, weight, and hope in the process. everyday that she didn’t return, you could feel yourself getting restless. the bags under your eyes grew bigger, your shirts draped over you, you barely could stomach a meal. townspeople would give you pats on the shoulder with that look in their eyes. 

so before you is the very woman that you had long held in your heart, not one you were ready to see again, live in the flesh.

you especially remember how you laid down her favorite boots in the casket. headstone in big bold letters “SOPHIA LAFORTEZA”.

“fia, i thought you were dead.” you don’t even lift your head up as you utter the words. your finger fidgeting with others, picking at the nails. 

the slow drip of the faucet is the loudest sound in the house. you’re left speechless again. 

how is she so pretty?

why does she want a divorce?

why does she not look like fia?

where does she live now?

how is she?

“i’m sorry.” she can’t meet your eyes now, hands clasped together. 

she looks harder around the edges. 

“i wanted to tell you, but i needed to do this for myself.”

she brushes her hair back, revealing dazzling earrings that are worth more than your ranch. 

you’re just begging to reach out, to touch her. to feel her, you can’t even be sure that she exists. your hand nearly reaches out before you grab it with your other hand. you still yourself once more.

“do what?” you ask softly, you’re scared that if you even speak too loud that she’ll vanish, just like she did that night.

“i needed to leave, i needed to chase after my dreams.” she speaks just as gently as you, worried that you’ll be set off. she knows how vulnerable she left you, she might have been better off dead considering how you’re reacting. 

“i found hollywood.”

hollywood?

you remember those nights, where sophia would explain to you how she wanted to be an actress, to be under those bright lights, and shine brighter than the stars in the sky.

you recount how she’d often re-enact lines from the movies that you two watched, how she sang to the cows as she worked, and how her eyes sparkled whenever you allowed her one-woman dialogues at the dinner table.

“so what now? you’re a big star actress?” the heat’s starting to build up, the more you listen to this story, the rage is slowly building. 

“you could say that, yes i am.” she watches the way you’re rapidly tapping your foot, tucking hairs under your hat like a childish habit. 

she’s half tempted to reach out as well, to flip down the collar of your shirt.

the faucet continues to drip.

“why didn’t you tell me?” you were scared of asking this the most, to know that she might not trust you enough to tell you how she wanted to explore her dreams. 

in the dead of the night, when you had too much whiskey to remember your name, you would sit on your porch, eyes wandering the moon as you asked into the air all the questions that lived within your head. brimming over with anger or sadness. the biggest question you had was “why?”

“this ranch, the lifestyle that we grew up with, i wanted more. you were always so happy about growing this ranch, and i couldn’t take you away from this life. but i also had to chase my dreams.” she explains slowly.

and you always suspected that she was still alive. 

maybe it was a coping mechanism, but you once knew sophia laforteza inside and out. 

but it hurts. 

it hurts to hear that she considered your side and still left without another word. it hurts in a way that destroys the core of who you are as a person.

“fia, you could’ve talked to me, we’re married for God’s sake!” your eyes are darting around, and you’re out of your seat. it’s not typical of you, but you can’t make sense of anything anymore.

she stares at you with all the sadness that she’s pushed down. the idea that she left behind her spouse. who she swore to their family and under God that she would be there until her last breath. 

she can feel the tears starting to well up, it’s all too much, to return to this place that she’s unsure of. unsure where her place is anymore, and it hurts more knowing she’s the reason.

“i thought you were dead!” you seethe. your eyes are angry, eyebrows dropped low, and an accusatory finger aimed straight at her. “we all thought you were dead!”

she’s trying not to let the tears come out, her lips are trembling and so are her hands.

“i fucking mourned you. laforteza.” your tears are still flowing down your face, but you’ve hardly blinked at all. eyes like glacier: chilly and icy. 

“do you know that? do you know how hard it was holding your mom in my arms? she was begging me to bring her daughter back. do you fucking know that?”

she stands up suddenly, chair hitting the floor. 

the words continue rolling out of your mouth without missing a beat.

“i had to lower an empty casket. in your name, fia! and you come back from the dead. asking me for a damn divorce.” you stride close to her, with every punctuation of word, she steps backwards. until her back hits the kitchen counters.

“forgive me, God. but you. can. go. to. hell.” you push your finger into her chest. 

and with that you leave. quick steps bounding for the door, slamming the door wide open. 

and running towards the stable. charlie’s quick on your tail. he looks back at sophia once, then turns to chase after you. the tears are sliding off your cheeks, angry tears that stain your skin, reminding you just how much she can still affect you. 

in five breaths, you’re riding your house out the ranch, disappearing into nowhere.

--

you don’t even know how long you’ve been riding buckeye. just the feeling of hoofs clacking against the road, and charlie panting beside you. 

you remember crying into your shirt, all but a snotty mess. you’ve barely processed sophia’s death, and now she’s come back to life. treating you like you’re a pair of car keys that she left behind, not worthy enough to peer into her soul.

you remember screaming into the night, screaming how much you hated her. hated the way your heart still beat for her. as if she didn’t crush yours, as if you meant anything to her. 

you remember the way she still gently walked over that part of the floorboards, the soft spot in the corner of the floor. the way she sat in her seat, the very same one you made for her as a gift.

you’re slow to return to the ranch, buckeye’s slow clopping on the ground still present.

knowing sophia, she probably left. she knows better to try and talk to you now. even after you’ve cooled off, you’ve always taken longer to come to terms of talking through things.

so you slide off buckeye’s saddle and give him some extra carrots for the sudden ride. he’s nudging into you, as if he senses the sadness that emanates from your body.

“i’m okay buckeye, thank you for today.” you give him some more scratches and lock him in his stable. 

returning to the house with charlie at your side, he’s whining a bit as he walks against your leg. you give him some scratches too, leaning into your hand with quick tail swishes.

he’s sniffing around the house, nose leading him into the house, and he waits patiently at the door. it’s closed. you slowly turn the doorknob, hoping that sophia’s gone. 

you don’t know what you would say to her now. the last thing you need after the exhaustion is to try and bring up discussing the divorce again.

and she’s gone, almost like she never even showed up.

except she leaves a note, a short message.

i’ll be back tomorrow. please, let’s talk this out.

-love, sophia

underneath there’s a bowl of your favorite meal, saran wrapped and steam hitting the surface. the same one she would make for you. and you sink into the chair. eyes are getting blurry again as you nearly crumple the sticky note. 

so you didn’t imagine her. she was here. 

the conversation was real, and she wants a divorce.

you slowly dig into the bowl of food in front of you, and it’s like you’re twenty again. coming back from a long day of work, exhaustion set into your bones. but enough to crack a smile for sophia. as she would hand you a bowl of your favorite meal. dropping into the chair as you two recounted your day, happily scraping the bowl until mere lines of gravy were left. you remember the way her hair would be tied back, strands falling to frame her gorgeous face. kissing her in between bites when she was rambling.

do you even remember the taste of her lips?

you cry into your bowl, tears streaming into your food as you ate it, a reminder of who she once was for you. you smile as the tears fall, savoring the way it still lit up your tastebuds.

you would destroy your body for years if it meant being able to eat this dish until your last breath.

you set the bowl into the sink, letting the faucet slowly drip into the bowl. washing away the reminder of her presence. letting only the soft glow of the moonlight illuminate the kitchen, as every second goes by and more droplets fill the bowl, you let out a final breath and trudge upstairs to fall into your bed.

tomorrow you would take care of everything, but tonight you let yourself be haunted by shiny brown eyes that have kept your soul captive for as long as you lived.

--

on the other side of town, sophia’s finally calmed herself from the explosive interaction that was meeting you after years of disappearing. 

she knew what she did was wrong, but her fuel to become a star was greater. 

she remembers that night like a haunting dream. she left with kisses to your face, to remember them in her heart. the way you held onto her like she was home. 

and she swore her heart cracked a little more with every kiss, the way your face looked so calm in your sleep. she brushed your hair for hours, admiring every little feature of yours. and then she left in the middle of the night, hoping to make a name for herself, leaving behind her old life.

leaving you behind.

she also regretted how she left her parents, she knew it would break their hearts. so not only did she tear yours to shreds, now she needed to mend their hearts. 

approaching the steps to their house was just as tough as she thought, each step weighing on her feet. the porch light was on, and she could see figures within the house. she hadn’t even prepared what to say to them, her family that she left behind.

and then she knocked on the door. the seconds felt like forever, but she heard the footsteps. the way the floorboards creaked behind the door. then it opened, and she was flooded with the smell of her mom’s cooking. of soup and the smell of wood, the same warm glow from the kitchen light. and the sight of her dad behind the door.

“sophie, is that you?” 

her dad’s gotten older, more white hairs in his hair. his skin looks rougher but his voice still has that gruff low timbre. he has on his light brown cowboy hat, and then sophia’s mom steps into frame. 

“hi dad, it’s me.” and then sophia’s pulled into a bone-crushing hug, her dad hugging the air out of her. 

“sophie? jesus come here.” and her mom’s pulling her out of his embrace. hands trembling as she holds her daughter’s own face. her mom’s crying, the vision breaking her heart instantly.

she has never seen her mom cry before, not even when she had lost her own parents. her mother holds her head softly before pulling her into a hug. and her mom still smells the same, of lavender and herbs.

it’s like she’s six years old, coming back with scrapes on her knees and loud wails.

her dad encloses all of them as he hugs them as well, thankful to have his very alive daughter in his arms once more. his prayers have been heard.

“sophia, where have you been?” her dad’s voice comes out soft and confused. sophia wipes her tears away and pulls away from them. the sadness from their faces seared into her mind.

“let’s sit down, i have a lot of explaining to do.” sophia explains, and her parents share a look.

--

sophia stares at the headstone, a little worn down but the flowers are fresh. she has yet to figure out how she feels about her name being splayed across the top. 

in memory of a loving daughter, sister, and wife.

the light blows of the wind pushes hair into her face. 

she doesn’t know what’s worse: being known as dead but being alive, or being truly dead?

she could feel her heart breaking at the idea of you burying an empty casket of hers. she notices the empty headstone right next to hers. it’s a chilling reminder that you would’ve been buried next to her. until death were you meant to part. she can’t bear the idea and turns away, walking back towards her parent’s ranch. 

the conversation between her and her dad had gone sour. he grew angry with her, not understanding why she left. 

after he went quiet and left for his room, her mother stayed behind and they talked for hours. about sophia’s current life: all the red carpet events, the glamor, the paparazzi and how she felt coming back.

then she asked sophia how she felt about coming back to you.

and then sophia broke down all over again, she regretted leaving you the most. you were happy with sophia, you loved life on the ranch and you loved her. 

sophia loved you but she didn’t love life on the ranch. she enjoyed the tranquility that came with this life, enjoyed nights alone with you under the dark skies and how you were so charming. 

she kept breaking her own heart by chasing her own dreams, she could smile at all the accolades on the walls, the way people swarmed her for autographs. all the brand promotions and award shows. 

but when she went home, she felt the loneliness of living by herself, a huge mansion to herself and the recognition of the masses, but when the night gets too loud, she wishes she were in your arms. in your a-bit-too small bed and the sounds of the wind hitting the house. 

she wished for you with her. 

and she searched for you in places that were safe: her co-stars, random athletes, and singers.

all of which couldn’t make her feel the same way at night, she doesn’t want to trace their skin. she didn’t want to embed herself into their souls. she doesn’t stay for long in relationships, something miniscule always sets her off, and then she pulls away. she knows who still has her heart all these years, and she’s lost herself in a facade of quick intimacy.

she long gave up on trying to rekindle your relationship. she didn’t know where she stood anymore with you, whether you would throw her out the second she arrived. or would you welcome her with open arms. which was definitely wishful thinking on her part.

but she needs this divorce, she needs to set you free. and set her own heart free. to be free from the haunting reminder that she once had you in her arms. had you so close and tossed it for her dreams. a sacrifice that she’s still not sure if she regrets to this day. 

all she regrets is how she left.

her mom gives her a look when sophia mentioned getting a divorce from you, it’s the same look she gave sophia when she came back drunk in the dead of the night when she was a teen. the same look of worry when she disappeared for three days after a long argument with her dad.

it’s the very same look that speaks, 

i don’t agree with what you’re doing, but this is your life.

she pokes and prods into sophia’s mind, wondering why she would come back for a divorce. when she replies, sophia’s mom gives her a quiet nod, not one laced with approval but one that shows understanding, and maybe one of pity.

maybe sophia’s lost sight of her dream, and who she wants it with.

she doesn’t want to confront the ugly truth, one that would leave her vulnerable, and maybe without you in the end.

she makes her way over to your ranch with conflicting thoughts in her mind.

--

you’re busy cleaning the stables when she arrives. the first thing you notice is that she’s wearing her old clothes, the same red flannel you bought her when you were 18. your eyes see the poor patch job you did to the right sleeve.

the second thing you notice is that she’s forgone wearing her tall heels. wearing old boots, making her shorter like you remember. it pulls you back to fond memories, taking on the daily tasks and laughing at charlie trying to round up all the chickens. 

you put the brush away, and stare at her. she hasn’t said a word since she stepped in. and you’re already feeling ready to leave.

you take a couple steps out the stable, when sophia catches hold of your arm.

“please, can we talk this out?” she’s pleading with you, and you’re already ready to let your guard down, but the hurt rises in your chest.

“i don’t want a divorce, fia.” you say. 

she makes the mistake of looking at you and it’s like she’s 19 again, staring into gorgeous eyes that made her swoon. and she doesn’t know why she’s asking for a divorce anymore.

she’s always liked you with your cowboy hat on.

“i understand, but it’s either you sign this now, or we wait for the divorce to default.” she explains, and you’re already grabbing a saddle, sliding it onto buckeye. 

you turn around, facing her with anger in your eyes.

“fia, you won’t even tell me why, and you come here after years of disappearing and expect me to click my feet together and sign divorce papers. you must be out of your damn mind.” 

you’re prepping buckeye to go out for a ride, when you notice her slide a saddle onto honey. 

great, she’s not letting up.

“i’m headed to the general store.” you say reluctantly. 

and she nods.

you head out, buckeye trotting and whining as he walks out the ranch. you don’t have to look over to know sophia’s following behind you, honey happy to have her favorite rider back.

charlie’s also warmed up to sophia too, once he smelled her enough and recognized her. he walks beside honey, tail swishing lowly, watching sophia every so often. maybe you aren’t the only one that’s missed her.

it feels like everyone’s rushing to welcome her with open arms, but you’re off-kilter. 

you let out a breath when she’s picked up the pace. both of you are riding towards the town. you still needed to tend to the ranch, despite sophia’s insistence on begging for a divorce.

she lets the topic of the divorce go, as you make it into town together.

it hasn’t been like this in years. watching your back as you ride, the familiar swish of the tail from buckeye. or charlie sniffing happily along the trail. reminding herself of her discarded life.

her heart is cracking at how disjointed this all feels. stuck between a path of two lives that she’s tried so hard to separate. she’s not too sure if she wants to sacrifice you anymore.

maybe she’s selfish, maybe she wants everything and more. she wants to be greedy.

you hook your horse onto a fence, instinctively you hook sophia’s horse to the fence too.

she doesn’t point it out, but a small smile stretches her face.

and soon you’re entering the general store.

“sophia? is that you, honey?” mrs. teller races around the desk. pulling sophia into a tight hug and shaking her a bit.

you wander off the aisles of the store, knowing mrs. teller would talk sophia’s ears off. picking up some rope along the way, taking your time. you can still hear the two catching up, and in between rows you watch them. 

sophia’s smiles are still warm.  

you grab some nails and head to the counter.

“are you back, dear? for good?” in the hopeful tone that you’d expect from your grandma. sophia breaks her heart again, shaking her head no.

mrs. teller pats sophia’s hand and all she can feel is guilt. she left behind a community that watched her grow up. townsfolk that looked after her at almost every stage of her life.

she gets lost in her thoughts, until the sight of you buying rope and nails moves into her field of view. 

“mrs. teller, did you get those shipments of horse feed? i placed an order with mr. teller last week.” you’re fishing out money from your wallet when sophia steps in. placing bills in mrs. teller’s hand before you could take it back.

“yes dear, it’ll be in tomorrow!” she shuts the register. “bring charlie around the house, the grandkids love playing fetch.” mrs.teller giggles to herself watching how you two are arguing over sophia’s gesture.

“sure can, thanks again mrs. teller. have a lovely day ma’am.” you lift your head to bow at her. you’re grabbing the merchandise and heading out with sophia hot on your tail. “fia, i could pay for that myself.” 

you both don’t see it, but mrs. teller is smiling at the sight.

“i know you can pay for it, i simply wanted to.” she explains, grabbing onto honey and mounting onto the horse.

maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. maybe it’s the way you hate her paying for you, but it’s upsetting. it erupts in annoyance.

“fia, go back to hollywood, i won’t sign those divorce papers.” you say to her, and her smile from that interaction in the shop has dropped. 

you’re no fool and frankly it’s insulting for her to think a small gesture would change your mind on something as big as divorce.

“i can’t. i need that divorce.” she stares at you with desperation in her eyes, there’s something hidden, she’s not telling you everything.

“why?” you ask.

“i can’t tell you.” she offers, and it’s honest. she can’t explain the deals she’s made, how she’s under the strings of a puppeteer. 

and she wants to save you, save the last bit of happiness she can give you, setting you free from her. 

you swallow the heaviness that sets in your chest.

“you want to get rid of me that bad?” you ask. she doesn’t say anything, but her eyes are getting watery.

she thinks about the vows she wrote and said to you, to her parents, to everyone here. she’s betraying everyone and her own desires.

you take the silence as a sign.

“30 days. give me 30 days of your time, fia. then we’ll go our separate ways.” 

she has nothing to say to you.

wasn’t this what she wanted? 

you don’t know it but you break two hearts. 

you turn around, not wanting to look at her. you tuck your hat a little lower, just enough to shield your eyes. shielding them from welling up, you’re signing away a life that you promised under God that you would protect.

you give a tap to buckeye and you’re riding out of town. 

sophia taps honey and follows you.

the silence consumes you both on the ride back. and you’re both thankful for that.

--

in a week’s time, sophia’s back at the ranch. gone is the heavy makeup and opulence from when she first showed up. she looks younger like this, softer eyes and you’re reminded just how beautiful your wife is.

over the past week you’ve been preparing for sophia to be back. you thought about why you even offered that deal, maybe a part of you likes the pain, or is trying to prolong what’s inevitable. or maybe you’re too much of a coward to let things go.

whatever the reason may be, you had your wife back. and for the solace of a month, she was yours as well.

sophia’s out in the front, playing with charlie who hasn’t left her side since she’s arrived. the first thing you told her when she returned was how charlie kept whining and pawing at the door when sophia left.

you want to welcome her like charlie can, but touching her feels like ripping your heart further. opening the old wounds you tried so hard to mend close.

you walk towards her, basket in hand and pass it to her.

“chicken duty, let’s go.” you start walking down the path to the chicken coop and sophia’s still playing with charlie.

she watches you as she plays with charlie.

she hates that you’re so distant but so close. each time you pull away, she wishes it was just all a terrible nightmare she could wake up from. hates that she has to ask for this divorce and is devastated that you agreed.

inside her there’s a war of want and need for safety. some days she thinks about running away from all her responsibilities, and just drift into a fantasy land with you. but she knows this mess was one that she created, and you didn’t ask for this.

she watches the way you move through farmwork like you could do it blind. she’s a bit rusty and as she grabs one of the chickens, she nearly falls over when it escapes from her grasp.

“easy, laforteza.” you’re holding her steady, strong arms that keep her from falling over. 

you give her a smirk and let her go. 

“i’m fine.” she brushes herself off.

“a thanks would be nice.” you scoff and sophia’s ready to argue with you.

“thanks? you act like you saved the world.” sophia’s trying to get a rise out of you.

“saved your pretty ass from falling into chicken shit.” you reply. watching the way sophia’s face heats up.

“whatever.” sophia storms off, chasing after the chicken that’s escaped her grasp.

the smile on your face doesn’t leave your face the whole day.

not even when you’re having the worst time rounding up the cows. and charlie’s chewed up another sock of yours. you don’t even complain when sophia’s eaten the strawberries that you were saving up for dinner. 

you have half the mind to feed one to her.

--

one night curiosity bites you in the ass. you’re too curious for your own good. 

spending years asking God to bring you the answers you were longing for. you ask her about it during dinner, when you two have already grown a little more comfortable with each other.

“so, did you make it?” you ask her, chewing a piece of beef slowly. “did you make your dreams come true?”

she slows her fork, setting it down on the plate with a clank. she smiles wider, and your heart warms.

“i made it, someday i’ll fly you out to one of my premieres.” sophia starts, a sparkle in her eyes that glow brighter than the night stars. 

“i’m being called left and right for roles, and they want me to be apart of this major franchise soon.”

as she talks about the accolades, the way her eyes brighten and shine, you realize you couldn’t take this from her even if you wanted to. she shined so bright, and who were you to hold her back. 

you continue to bite into your food, letting her take over the conversation. 

it seems you no longer know sophia, you don’t know her friends, her interests, her sense of style. 

all you have are old fragments of what once was. 

“i’m glad you achieved your dreams, fia. genuinely.” it pained you, but it was true. you were genuinely happy for her.

“what about you?” she’s curious.

“what about me?” you questioned back.

“did you achieve your dreams?”

“no.” 

you shift your feet a bit, the floor boards creaking. sophia is understanding, but you’re not painting the full picture for her.

“it’s okay, you can keep trying.” she offers, there’s kindness in her voice. 

you don’t have the heart to tell her that this divorce will crush your dreams.

“thanks, fia.” you stare out, she’s chipping at the walls that you’ve concealed.

there’s something to it, the sadness that hangs in the air. how you never fully say what you want. 

it makes her skin crawl, no longer does she bear the secrets to your heart. you’ve long thrown the key away when you lowered the casket in her name. 

she doesn’t mistake how you’re unable to look at her. she wants the obsessed version of you back. how devoted and caring you once were. 

she figures she lost that privilege when she disappeared from you. she grabs both her and your plate and begins washing the dishes. you get up with a sigh. 

“need a hand with that?” you grab a dishtowel. holding a hand out as she passes cleaned utensils for you to wipe off. she feels more at home than she’s felt in months. nights of partying and meetings with co-stars and agents has left her soul feeling more than isolated.

but in this small house, with a few too many creaky floorboards, and a leaky faucet, she misses how simple this life is. 

of course her passion still lies in acting, but she’s not sure how much she wants that without you.

--

the next afternoon, the laforteza’s visit came unexpectedly. you spot mr and mrs. laforteza with wide smiles and a truck filled with gifts as they roll into the ranch. mr. laforteza gives you a hug that makes you want to cry. 

sophia’s parents know this divorce is not what you wanted.

but they also know that you would prioritize sophia’s happiness over anything. it’s why they were so accepting of you marrying their only daughter.

“mr. laforteza, it’s great to see you too.” you pull away from him, and he gives you a shoulder pat before walking towards sophia. he doesn’t have to say much to convey how he feels about you. 

both her parents seem so happy to have her daughter back. you want to feel the same, but the history between you two is entangled like vines. to unravel each branch might just tear you two apart. 

so instead, you help unload the truck filled with gifts of horse feed when sophia comes up to you.

“hey, did you know they were visiting today?” she asks, grabbing a bag of horse feed off the truck bed. you stack another bag onto the pile.

shaking your head, “no, i figured you asked them to visit.” 

she shakes her head too. “i didn’t.”

mrs. laforteza is happily walking into your house, charlie wagging his tail happily as he follows her. clearly he has a favorite human. 

you walk in after her, looking at her taking groceries out of a bag. 

there’s a silence that envelops you both. 

“you look too skinny.” mrs. laforteza says as she takes out a pot, filling it with water. “and you look sad…are you sad?” 

she has a knowing smile on her face as she watches you. you lean against the fridge, and contemplate the question. 

are you sad?

this past week with sophia has been revealing how much you missed your wife. the instinctual habits that you forgot you had are coming back to light. when you always scoop her helping of food first. how you always leave the left side of the couch for her to sit on. how you always tuck your boots next to hers. it’s a familiarity that you want to relish in. but in less than a month’s time she’ll never be yours again.

so maybe you are sad, maybe you’re devastated that you’ve betrayed your wants in favor of giving sophia what she wants. maybe you’re losing yourself by giving it all to sophia.

“i’m not sure what i am anymore.” you reply. 

she can feel how lost you are. from having sophia come back after years of mourning her disappearance. she feels for you. as if you were her own. and her daughter wants a divorce. she still doesn’t understand why and it’s the elephant in the room.

“honey, you don’t want this divorce. what made you agree?” she turns off the faucet. you reach over to place the pot onto the stove. 

she smiles at the gesture.

“i don’t want sophia to feel trapped with me, and it’s clear she left without telling me for a reason.” you explain even though it’s cracking your heart. her mom gives you a light pat on the cheek and shakes her head.

“that girl has never stopped from loving you. i know her. this is killing her as much as it’s killing you.” 

you want to believe that, truly you do. but you have a heart to protect too. are you going to be a fool and let it be torn all apart again? 

“then why is she doing this?” you’re tired of hearing how sophia still wants you from other people. it hurts more.

“i don’t know why either, dear.” she speaks gently to you.

you stare out the kitchen window, watching sophia’s dad talk to sophia. you can’t hear what he’s saying to her, but she’s listening intently, and at one point she turns to look at you. 

feeling caught, you avert your gaze. 

but she watches you, eyes trying to commit you to memory.

it’s later at dinner, when you and the laforteza’s are eating together. laughter loudly echoing around the house that you forget that you’re about to be divorced. 

you bathe in the happiness that emanates throughout the night. mr. laforteza retelling stories of how he courted mrs. laforteza. with eyerolls from his wife and sophia hanging on his every word. 

charlie’s seated right by sophia, curled into himself as his tail wags slowly. 

this is what you envisioned your home to be. to be warm and filled with life, and eventually down the line you wanted kids. wanted to create your own family with sophia. to have her parents come down to babysit the grandkids and play with them. 

for charlie to have another person to play catch with.

you don’t even notice the tear that rolls down your face. it stains your jeans as it free falls. you continue to laugh along with a funny joke that mrs. laforteza has said. 

sophia’s eyes notice it immediately, reaching out to cup your face.

the laforteza’s share a look with each other.

“are you okay?” sophia’s using her sleeve to wipe it off.

“oh, yeah, yeah i’m good.” you snap out of your daze, feeling the way sophia’s eyes are filled with worry. the way she lightly dabs at your cheeks. and it feels too much like home. 

“well, we ought to get out of your hair, it’s getting late.” mr. laforteza stands up, brushing off his pants and sliding on his cowboy hat. ms. laforteza stands up as well, a warm smile adorning her face as she follows him out. 

you and sophia stand up, wishing them on their safe travels. you watch them as they go out the ranch, until you can’t see their tail lights anymore. maybe in a distant world, you get to have everything. the big family dinners filled with laughter and excited screams from kids. but reality is always more grim than fantasy.

you let out a sigh and turn around, sophia is silently waiting for you.

“come on, let’s go to bed.” she says, hand open for you to take. 

your finger twitches. you nearly step forward.

“i was going to take the couch.” you say a bit too quietly. this whole time that sophia’s been here, you’ve been sleeping on the couch, offering the bed to her. she doesn’t tell you how it breaks her heart that you don’t follow her every night.

“let’s go to bed.” 

she shakes her hand a bit. in turn, you scratch your neck a bit, and take a step towards her. hand slipping right into hers like a glove.

she smiles at it. lifting your intertwined hands as she places a gentle kiss on your hand.

you don’t know it, but when you’re long asleep. the sensation of sophia tracing every ridge and dip of your face, your nose bridge, your cheekbones, your jaw. she’s found an angel on earth and you’re laying next to her. she slides closer to you, giving you gentle kisses on your face.

she wants to cry all over again, how cruel it is to leave you again. she closes her eyes once she feels that she’s left parts of her soul on you, covering your skin with her love.

it’s unspoken but you don’t take the couch ever again.

--

the next week you’re arriving at the rodeo in one of your cleaner shirts, a darker cowboy hat that you saved for special occasions. sophia’s by your side. 

you initially were planning on going by yourself, but when sophia heard you mention it in passing, she invited herself.

so she’s wearing her best denim jacket with her hair styled up in a ponytail. makeup enhancing her gorgeous eyes and glossy lips to pair. she caught you staring at her getting ready, held under her trance. maybe she wanted to give you a show, maybe she took extra long getting ready, knowing your attention was stuck on her.

you enter the large barn, seeing crowds of people surrounding the fenced in rodeo. there’s an experienced rider on top of a wild bull. shouts and whistles being thrown around, and the sounds of bells clinking all around. this was going to be a good night, you could feel it in your bones.

you begin walking towards the fences, when sophia pulls you back.

“can you get us some drinks?” she asks sweetly, using that smile that makes you weak in the knees.

“of course, fia, two beers?” she gives you a nod and you’re bound for the bar. it’s filled with older cowboys and cowgirls. one of them tips their hat to you, in which you do the same. he helps signal over a bartender for you. 

you’re walking back to sophia with two drinks in hand, excited to watch some real bull riding and wanting to enjoy a night with sophia. when you notice the crowd surrounding her. there’s cameras in her face, and people shoving papers into her hand. 

you push past some people, trying your best to reach your wife, when you hear the shouts from the crowd.

“sophia! i love you!” a man shouts. 

“you’re sophia laforteza!” a woman shouts. 

“can i get your autograph? please, it’s for my daughter!” another woman shouts at your wife.

you finally push through the bodies and find your wife looking cornered, the encroaching crowd pushing her into the fence. within a couple steps you wrap your arm around her. pulling her out of the crowd.

“please, give her some space!” you shout at everyone. a couple of the cowboys recognizing you and pushing the crowd away. giving you a tip of their hats when the majority of the crowd disperses. 

you’re thankful for the help, but you hadn’t anticipated sophia to be recognized here.

“i got your beer.” you slide the cold bottle into her hand and she nods. she’s tapping her feet rhythmically. grabbing a hold of your arm and sliding her arm through. 

“thanks, for back there.” she says, placing a kiss on your cheek. 

your face heating up at the affection. 

“you’re welcome, fia.” you say. “does that happen often?” 

you signal your hand. gesturing at the commotion that was. the only celebrity that you’ve come close to is the town mayor and his family, but even then it’s mostly to badger him for public works. 

you’ve never seen a real-life swarm of people asking for autographs.

“hm? oh, all the time. i mean i can’t even walk down the street without bodyguards sometimes.” sophia’s speaks about it casually. to be known and approached by the masses for the recognition of your talent. you don’t know if you could stomach that life. 

“do you miss it?” you ask into the air, but there’s more to it. you want to know if she misses her life in hollywood, the one she chose over you. 

she shakes the beer bottle a bit. you don’t even realize you are holding your breath. waiting for the second shoe to drop. 

“i miss the human interactions, when people would tell me how inspired they are by my acting. how it made them want to go into acting themselves. i don’t miss having camera flashes in my face when i’m trying to go buy groceries or enjoy a lunch outdoors.” she speaks

you listen earnestly. her life feels so foreign to the one you both grew up in.  

“sometimes, when life gets too much out there, i rub this necklace and wish i was still back at the ranch. i wish i could have both.” she shows off the necklace that you’ve seen her wear for years, a family heirloom that you’ve never seen her take off.

and with the sound of a bell there’s a new bull rider entering the arena. 

loud hollers around the barn echoing as the rider hangs onto the bull firmly. the bull is running around with kicks and swishes of the head to knock him off. but he’s holding firm.

sophia pulls you closer to the other side of the fence. getting a better vantage point of the scene. she makes some comments about how the rider’s pretty good. letting his body move enough to bend to the bull’s movement, but doesn’t let himself tip too far.

maybe you’re fishing for compliments, or maybe you want her attention on you. either way you spout it before you can stop yourself.

“i can do better than that.” you scoff, taking a swig of beer. she raises an eyebrow, taking a sip as well. she hasn’t seen you ride a bull in years, but she remembers how good you once were.

“you still got it, cowgirl?” sophia tempts you. 

“damn right, i still got it.” you say, drinking the rest of your beer and walking over to sign yourself up for the competition. sophia watches you. noticing you take a piece of gum out and chewing it. 

the same ritual you always had whenever you rode. she stares at your hair under the hat. your eyes surveying the bull that’s trying to buck another rider off. she stares at how you look so damn good under the light.

and then you’re up, loading into the bay with the bull standing by. a couple of people are prepping the bull, sliding on the rope tightly. and you hop onto the bull. gloved hand gripping onto the rope wrapping around the bull. you adjust your hat a bit, and look out for sophia.

she spots you from across the fence, holding herself on one of the bars. waving to you, and you tip your hat to her. signaling this ride is for her. 

“you know the rules, cowgirl, stay on for at least 8 seconds,” one of the guys fixing the rope asks you. “you got it?” 

you give him a nod and tap the gate. nodding forward and lifting up, the gates open automatically. your bull immediately sending you forward, he bucks and twists his hind legs. trying his best to shake you off. he’s got you spinning like a spin top, using the momentum to throw you off. 

you grit yourself. you keep your bottom half of your bottom as close to the bull as possibly. your leg slapping against the side of the bull. the bulls spinning around trying to get you dizzy. you nearly fall off at one point, gripping onto the rope with all your might.

and then you hear the roars, eight seconds are up, and you feel the bull trying to kick you off, his horns getting a bit too close to your head, so you roll off the bull, just narrowly missing it. you roll onto the ground, the dirt covering you entirely.

as you run away from the bull. screams of the crowd cheer you on. 

you run right up to sophia, sliding your hat right onto her head, hugging her over the fence. and everyone’s cheering your name. loud chants echoing the arena. more than just qualifying, you’ve put on a performance. everyone is cheering for you but you have your eyes set on sophia. 

maybe it’s the beers, maybe it’s the feelings that are swarming in her chest, but she grabs you. 

then she’s kissing you and everyone roars. 

whistles and hollering in the air as sophia continues kissing you.

the screams drone out and you kiss her back. and for the first time you’ve seen her eyes shine so bright for you.

“you saw me out there, fia?” you shout at her, the loud chants droning out your voice. 

“of course i did, you did amazing baby.” she smiles and pulls you into another kiss. and you leap over the fence.

pulling sophia into a hug. still breathing hard from the run. she leans close to you, tucking your hat tighter on her head.

“how do you feel, cowgirl?” sophia asks you. you both walking towards the bar again, needing a refill. 

“indescribable.” you say, kissing her temple. 

and you reach the bar. several cowboys already offering to buy you drinks. you try waving them off, but then the bartender slides over the drinks to you.

“on the house, courtesy of your bull riding return!” he shouts. “and for sophia’s big return too!” 

the cowboys cheered for you too, and you gave them a clink of beer. sophia grabbing a beer and cheering to some of the guys too. the bar continues to be lively into the night, some retired bull riders telling you about their heydays. sophia was welcomed back happily by a couple of cowboys. 

your hand doesn’t leave sophia’s the whole night. a gentle rubbing across your knuckles even when she’s talking to someone else. you don’t want the night to end, and neither does she.

--

you and sophia ride back home, she’s still wearing your hat and holding onto you as buckeye continues clopping on the road. 

“and then charlie nearly bites him in the ass!” you shout, the laugh nearly making you double over as you recount the event. sophia’s listening intently, giving you nods of her attention, with her head pressed into your back. relishing in the feeling of your body’s movement. 

“we’re home.” you say gently. dismounting buckeye and pulling him into the stable. she watches you, and she has been the whole night, sometimes you caught her too. 

“you okay?” you say, letting go of the rope, staring up at her. she looks at you for a moment, memorizing how you look in the moonlight, gorgeous and warm.

“great. help me off?” she says. and you grab onto her, pulling her off the horse and setting her down. 

she slides her hand into yours again, and you feel your skin heating up again at the feeling. 

she pulls you towards the house, urging you into a run and opening the door eagerly. you’re confused but you don’t question it when she’s sliding off her boots and running up the stairs. you follow quickly after her, opening the door and seeing her in the corner.

she’s fallen into your bed, beckoning you forward, and you obey. reaching close to her when she places the cowboy hat back onto your head. tilting it low enough to her liking. her hands reach for your shirt, sliding up and down the front. it stills at the top button.

“can i?” she asks. and you nod.

she’s unbuttoning your shirt quickly. and she lets her eyes drift up, catching you staring at her with the same want.

she loves how you look on top of her, hat still covering your head, the hottest goddamn cowgirl she’s ever seen.

“hat stays on.” sophia says firmly, removing your shirt. your eyebrow perks up at the admission.

“you have a thing for my hat?”

“i have a thing for you wearing that hat.” she rushes to take off her own shirt, revealing all too gorgeous skin. you reach out, feeling the heat from her skin against yours.

“noted.” you smirk at the way she’s embarrassed. 

you slide her shirt off her back, bunching it up and throwing it across the room. you slowly move up the bed, enclosing the space that feels oh so far. she’s moving up too, liking this view of you looking to claim.

“is this new?” you spot a tattoo under her breast, a small butterfly. the wings spread on her ribs. tracing it with your thumb, maybe you need to be re-acquainted with her.

“yeah, like it?” she says, liking the sensation of you tracing over the tattoo. you nod, a bit too entranced by the linework. 

and then she grabs your hand, lifting it up gently. you snap your eyes onto hers. she smiles as she moves it upwards. dropping it right on top of her bra. and she stares at you, begging you to make a move. 

she pulls you down for a kiss, you want to pull away, but she keeps you close. hand wrapped around your neck, she pulls you close enough to get her mouth next to your ear.

“you still remember how to fuck me?” sophia challenges you, lightly tugging at your lobe. “or do i need to teach you again?”

she pulls away. 

she’s smirking at you, wanting you to snap.

“i still know how to fuck the senses out of you, fia.” you confidently claim, and you’re back. the same confident girl that makes her head spin.

“prove it.” she whispers. 

you grab her face, kissing her with the hunger that’s been building up this whole time. you still wanted her as much as you used to. distance and time hasn’t changed how much you yearned to make her yours. 

she’s pushing up into you, wanting you just as much, having a little taste wouldn’t satiate this desire. so you grab onto her torso, pulling her up. enough to unhook her bra and slide it off. another discarded piece of clothing landing across the room.

“God, you are perfect.” you say, dipping down to kiss her jaw. moving your hands again, pushing lightly into her hip. you continue to kiss down her sternum, reaching a hand to rub against her boob. lightly grabbing and pulling it towards you. 

she gasps.

“you’re so sensitive, fia.” you joke. continuing your journey south. gliding your hands to unhook her pants, sliding them off her legs. 

and it’s like christmas came early. 

“can’t help it.” she whines a bit. anticipating your touch. “it’s you.”

you stutter a bit. the emotions in her voice are overwhelming. maybe she wanted you in the same way.

so you go silent, wanting to express how much you yearned for her. wanting to re-learn everything that makes her tick.

you slide your hands under the waistband. her panties still sticking a bit as you took them off.

she smells divine, a mixture of sweat and desire. and you’re ready for worship.

you roll into her with your pants, hips tilting upwards. letting your hardness rub against her, and she drops her mouth. pretty sounds falling from her lips. 

she reaches down, grabbing a hold of you. feeling around and reaching for the belt. pulling at the buckle until it pops. 

she pushes you back, frustrated she can’t get closer to you. and you land back, propping your arms just enough to let her reach for you. 

she climbs on top, pulling her hair all to one side. pulling your belt off the loops. you watch her throw it off the bed, and she’s grabbing onto your pants. unbuttoning them in urgency.

“desperate?” you gaze into her.

she gives you a look that says a thousand words. the darkness in her gaze, and the kind of sterness that makes you excited.

then your pants are unbuckled. you let out a breath, relaxing as the pressure from the pants has been lifted. you’re standing at full attention, begging to be touched.

begging to be touched by her. 

she puts her hands inside, not bothering to slide your pants completely off.

you let your head fall, she gets closer.

“i missed this…missed you.” she tugs a bit, and you twitch. 

you nod, pulling her in for a kiss. “i missed you too fia.”

you close your hand into a fist, gripping onto her hair and letting open mouth kisses fill the air. she looks so beautiful like this, putty in your hands and plump lips that make you nearly cave in.

you reach down, a single finger that draws a line. finishing right where she wants you. you give her a tap, and she lets out a hiss. 

she wants to swat your hand away, instead she gives you a look.

“stop playing.” she scolds.

“yes, ma’am.” you chuckle a bit, liking the demanding side of her. she continues to lightly play with you over your boxer briefs.

letting her nails slide up and push into your briefs. you can feel yourself getting lost in the sensation, the way she starts tugging again, rubbing the tip and spreading out your juices.

“you’re leaking baby.” she says, continuing to pump you, hands gripping enough to give you that head-spinning pleasure. 

you reach down again, looking for her wetness, smiling to yourself at the feeling.

“same to you, baby.” you smirk. letting your fingers gather that wetness and spread it up. 

playing with her clit until it’s begging. 

you hear the hard pants and watch how she goes rigid, unable to look you in the eye. eyes closed shut with a hand on your forearm. 

she looks so gorgeous, and you want more. want to mess her up so she’ll never want to leave.

you pull her hand out your briefs and she almost looks hurt. wanting to reach out again, and you stop her. you simply shake your head, kissing her enough to distract her. pushing her back, pleasing her is your only motive right now.

“baby, let me make you feel good.” she blushes at the words. she remembers how good you were with your mouth.

sometimes she’d touch herself at night just remembering the touch of you.

“please, hurry.” and you do, setting her head on a pillow. dropping yourself onto the floor.

kissing her and parting her legs. sliding your hands over her thighs. you get close enough, but not enough to touch her. and when she doesn’t expect it, you kiss her clit. 

she moans at the contact, and then you latch onto it. softly sucking it, just the way she likes. when her legs twist and turn, hands reaching to grab the sheets.

you got her right where you want her. gorgeous and laid out.

you slide a hand up, running your palms through her torso, far enough to grab onto a nipple, and flick it. she grips onto your arm. the slight pain making you grin. 

it’s cute how worked up she gets with you.

every little touch like a flame that dances upon her skin.

you continue to suck around her bud. giving it a slow lick and she’s gripping your arm more. you lick it with fervor, liking the way she’s begging for you, name rolling off her tongue that strokes your ego. 

you stand at full attention, light twitches at her beautiful moans. you get lost in your own world, licking slowly and with a flat tongue. enjoying how her legs shake when you suck.

her body is hot to the touch,  a slight sheen of sweat coating her body. casted with moonlight making her skin glow. she’s gorgeous and the only one you want in your bed.

“baby, please, i need you inside.” she begs. trying to pull you up, so you let her. let her drag your body closer, until you’re touching her with your clothed cock.

you slide your pants down, pulling them off and flinging them away, the restrictive material off your body. 

and sophia watches you, likes the sight of you bare. body toned with years of farmwork and bull riding building you up. 

you slide up to her, using the wetness that’s been leaking from her cunt and coating it all over your cock. enough to get you inside. she’s more desperate than you, reaching for you, and pulling it towards her. 

“come on baby, it’s all yours.” you say to her. letting her dictate when she wanted you. and then she pushes you inside, instantly her head drops back onto the bed. the feeling of you inside again after so long has her starting to tear up.

“you okay baby?” you ask, a little startled from the tears. 

you stop to wipe them off, ready to pull out at a second’s notice.

“so good, please move.” she begs of you, and you’re more than willing to comply. pushing in slowly and watching her face contorted in pleasure. 

pretty pink lips that are begging to be kissed, so you dip down and kiss her. soft kisses that have her gripping onto your hair, pulling the hat off your head and tossing it aside.

you slowly tilt your hips to sink into her. the vibrations from her throat buzzing against your mouth. moans that are begging to be heard echoing inside. she grips harder into your hair, loving the way you stretch her.

“please move baby, i need more of you.” she detaches from your mouth, waiting for you to rock into her. and you do, in that slow pace that lets you feel every ridge of her insides. warm enveloping heat that’s making your heart hammer.

your pretty wife below you, such a vulnerable and intimate sight. you kiss her nipples, lightly massaging one with your hand and playing with the bud. 

she puts a hand on your stomach, feeling your tensed abs against her nails. you continue to push in and out of her. moans in time with your movements. you want her to always feel this good, to want you forever.

you lick her nipples, then blow on them, cold air hitting her and she hisses. 

“you are so gorgeous baby.” you dip down to whisper to her, and she feels herself getting wetter. the movement of you inside her has her mewling. her nails lightly scratching your abs, you continue to roll into her.

using your hips to angle upwards, pressing your tip in that soft spot. tingling immediately hitting her body from all over.

“found it.” you smirk at her. and with what strength she has she rolls her eyes. wanting to tell you off, but you hit that spot again, and she’s back to being a mess.

“fuck…” she moans out.

“yes baby, feeling good?” you smirk. she nods with whines coming out, unable to answer you. you continue tapping it, enjoying the way she seems in heaven.

you grip harder into her hips and move to tilt your hips back down, long strokes that knocks at her womb.

you want to fuck her so she forgets everything but you. want her to remember only you, it's selfish and possessive. but you need her to want to be yours.

“kiss me please.” she begs and you dive down, kissing her intensely. still giving her long strokes that have her fingers shaking.

“you’re doing so good for me, fia.” you speak in between kisses.

“my gorgeous girl.” you speak to her soul. begging her to hear your calls. 

“your gorgeous girl.” she says, tears springing into her eyes again, overwhelmed by the claim. “yours. yours. yours.”

you fuck into her, hips gradually snapping. hitting against her insides and she reaches out, hands open for you to intertwine. you take it and give her hand a kiss.

she cries at the sight, all the feelings spiraling out of her.

she lets you continue to fuck her, intensity sharpening as you keep pulling in and out. her nails dig into your hands, she looks like a mess, the most gorgeous mess. 

you want to keep her here forever. she knows it. knows how you’re concentrating so hard on pleasing her. she wants to as well, wants to make a mess of you.

 and then she pushes you.

“baby, want to ride you.” she whimpers out, and you nod. slowly sliding out of her, ending with a light gasp from her.

“come ride your cowgirl then.” you settle yourself on the bed, laying down and watching her shake as she tries getting up, legs a little wobbly.

“don't. say. anything.” 

your mouth is already half open, ready to make a joke. 

but she shuts you up. instead you watch her gorgeous body climb on top of you. hands that cross around your neck.

“you look so pretty, fia.” you say, placing a kiss on her arms. rubbing them up and down as she gets situated.

“not as much as you.” she says through heavy breaths, trying to kiss you on shaky knees. 

you use your legs to keep her in place, meeting her halfway. kissing her fervently and passionately. 

she has you hooked, cock begging for attention. 

then she slides onto you. sinking enough to let your cock rest inside her. and it feels like heaven, how you missed this.

“fuck, fia, you feel so good.” you moan out, head dropping onto the pillow.

“you feel even better.” she smiles at you. sinking down until you’re fully sheathed. she keeps her hands on your abs. settling for a rocking motion as she moves herself on top of you.

“mm, i could ride you for days.” she whispers.

“you’d ride me until i’m dry.” you scoff. hissing when she drags her nails down your body. 

“you can’t go dry.” she scolds you.

she wants to milk you for all your worth and more.

“this is mine.” she clenches, enough pressure to make your cock jump. 

“yeah?” you let out playfully, “did you decide that?”

“of course i did. this is mine.” she clenches again and you twitch. and she gives you no time to recover. 

going right back to riding you. pulling herself up just enough to rock back down. you relish in the sight, the moonlight shining in and illuminating her body. you watch her in a haze, the pleasure spreading inside of you, but the sight of her is more than everything. 

you are still so in love with her.

she continues to ride you, hand on your thigh as she leans back. rolling herself on top of you. 

you feel like you could cum any second now. and you grip onto her thighs, to which she grabs a hold of you. 

staring at you with desire and pleasure in her eyes.

she closes her eyes, letting the feeling of riding you consume her. she can feel the familiar feeling at the pit of her stomach.

“fuck, i’m going to cum.” she keeps repeating it to herself in the moment.

you grab a hold of her. rushing to push her back. wanting to fuck into her until she cums. in a second her back hits the bed again, and she looks at you a little dazed.

“need to fuck you.” you say just loud enough for her to hear. and push into her. going for a more relentless speed.

she keeps moaning in your ear, chanting your name lowly. it drives her crazy to have you so close.

“i’m cumming baby, inside or out?” you pant in her ear. 

all you want is to cum inside, begging to pour yourself into her.

“please, inside. only inside please.” she begs for you. hooking her legs around you, holding you close. “want your kids, please.” 

there’s tears in the corners of her eyes and she’s raking her nail down your back.

“yeah?” you whisper to her, feeling your stomach coiling into itself. “you’d be the best mom.”

the rush nearly hitting you when she clenches. 

“fuck!” she cries desperately, pulling you into a kiss that expresses her deepest desires. 

she wants this, wants to be the mother of your kids. the idea of anyone else as a replacement sends her in a tailspin.

all she wants is you. 

wants to keep a part of you with her forever.

she needs you. and she needs you to want her. wants you to fill her up. she’s gasping and holding your head. staring into you, in each part that she’s loved and admired.

“baby, fill me up.” she whines, continuing to clench every so often. you gasp each time, open mouthed and head falling back.

“fuck, i’ll fill you up baby, be patient.” you hiss when she pushes back, using her hips to meet you halfway.

she feels the way you twitch inside of her, the signifier that you’re close.

you reach your climax, the white hot sensation hitting you in the body, letting out ropes of cum inside of her. grunting and moaning as you keep pushing into her, wanting to be as close as possible.

she can feel her walls getting painted with you, and it triggers her own climax. 

the intimacy, the desire, the urgency makes her continue to sob as she cums.

you continue to slowly pump in her, the orgasm coming to a slow descent. trying your best not to collapse on top of her with your arms shaking. you try to push yourself up, just to get yourself in a better position so as to not crush her.

when she suddenly pulls you down, chest to chest and you can hear her sobs.

“no! stay inside.” she cries out. and maybe time has changed you but you don’t remember ever hearing her so desperate. 

“fia? what’s wrong?” you’re concerned.

“no, just want you. stay inside please?” you stare at her, the desperation in her voice is echoing in your heart. 

so you stay, gently wiping tears off her cheeks and comforting her as she cries. giving her kisses on her shoulder and lips. 

you continue to shower her in gentle affection. letting her enjoy the feeling of you and trying your best not to move around. she feels herself relax eventually, enough to make her sleepy.

she closes her eyes, trying to drift asleep. before she does though, she whispers to you.

“stay?”

“of course, fia.”

–

the morning has dawned and you let yourself sleep in. with sophia next to you and the memories of last night, you feel on top of the world. 

it feels like the old you is back. there’s still the ever-looming divorce over your head but maybe last night changed things.

maybe you can allow yourself to believe she wants to stay. maybe she doesn’t want this divorce.

maybe you can allow yourself happiness again.

it’s a slow morning. you’re trying your best to clean up last night’s mess. dirty clothes tossed into a hamper, trying your best not to wake sophia up as you clean her.

giving her kisses that nearly wake her up. hand reaching out to find you. 

it’s domestic, and an old familiarity you missed.

you give her another kiss just before you leave.

it’s a good morning to enjoy yourself on the porch. rubbing behind charlie’s ears and sitting in your rocking chair.

letting the thoughts of sophia consume you as always. maybe you’ll buy her flowers today, wrap it in a bouquet for her. or cook her breakfast so she can have it in bed. the thought keeps you happy.

then charlie barks, standing at attention. that’s when you spot someone in the distance. 

“can i help you, sir?” you continue to chew on your stick, lightly rocking back and forth. 

he’s too well dressed, a three piece grey suit that’s already gathering dirt and dust under his feet. 

he’s fidget-y, device in hand as he frantically searches for a signal.

“i’m looking for sophia. sophia laforteza?” he’s continuing to twirl in circles, hands up in the air as he walks in different directions, trying to look for a signal.

he looks like a damn fool.

“sir, i don’t know of a sophia.” you continue to chew at your stick. hand firmly held on your buckle. 

“well either you’re lying or this gps is.” he says, continuing to fiddle with his device and he starts walking towards the house. “and i spent a couple thousand on it.”

“i don’t know a sophia. you must have the wrong place.” you shout back. 

charlie’s tail stills when he doesn’t move. instead he approaches you. a charming smile on his face.

he gets close enough for you to escalate. 

you lift your gun out, pointing it at his forehead.

“i don’t take too kindly to strangers trespassing.” you let out. “please leave.”

“sophia! i know you’re in there.” the stranger shouts.

“you have some goddamn nerve.” you shout, stepping up face to face. 

charlie rushes forward, loud barking shaking him up. you keep him still, not letting him lunge forward to bite.

he smirks seeing the door open and sophia running down the steps.

she’s by your side in an instant. and then she sees him, and her blood runs cold.

he wasn’t supposed to find her, or you. 

he wasn’t supposed to have leverage.

“sophia! where the hell have you been? i’ve been calling your cell, your manager, lara, everyone!” 

his voice cracks at the end and he looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel. his forehead vein sticking out and blood rushing to his cheeks.

“i couldn’t contact anyone! but i had this tracker and it led me here. in new mexico.”

he explains rapidly and at this point you’ve pushed sophia behind you. putting some distance between this strange man and your wife.

“what are you doing here in new mexico?” he finally stops.

“i-...go home thomas. we’ll talk later.” sophia says.

“no, i’m not leaving without you, laforteza.” he says with an awful smirk. one that starts making you nervous.

you didn’t know anything about thomas.

“who are you?” you ask, and sophia wishes she could rewind time. rewind to a time where she never left, kept you close and didn’t break your heart, because she feels like she’ll break it all over again.

“i’m thomas moore, nice to meet you.” he offers his hand, you don’t shake it. “i take it, sophia hasn’t introduced me?” he says, taking his hand back. 

“i’m sophia’s fiancé.” 

he says with a smile that’s slow, ending a grin that makes you want to rip it off of him.

fiancé? 

it hits you in your chest, the shock making your ears ring. ringing and all you can see is sophia arguing with him. shouts like a silent film in your head. you’ve been duped again. 

you let your heart get trampled over again. ruined by this woman. she’s crying and trying to shake you out of your haze. you don’t see the tears that trickle out your eyes. hand open faced and gun to the ground. 

she tries shaking you again. and you take a step back. a tense step, muscle at full flex. you need to get out, you need to get away. 

she’s done it again, she’s let you believe in her love. after everything you tried spelling out to her last night, you want to forget her. you want to forget how you gave the deepest part of you to her.

you leave, feet turning into the house. quick steps turning into a mad dash. you’re opening kitchen drawers, running through the house, trying to look for a pen. anything that can write. you don’t even know if anything else is real.

pen. pen. pen.

and then you find one, it’s an old pen. ink nearly dried up, and you’re scribbling on scrap paper. heart thumping loudly, with adrenaline coursing through you. 

sophia runs after you, trying to get you to stop. she watches you try to write with a pen. her mind going haywire. she has no idea what you’re trying to do. she’s trying to anticipate it and then it hits her. 

her heart drops.

“no! baby please, look at me.” she begs you, grabbing a hold of your face. trying to break you from your dazed self. angry tears staining the paper. 

you grab the papers from the cabinet. an extra copy of the divorce papers that sophia handed you. the lines are tagged with blue tabs. every line you need to sign is there.

and you see the ink flowing again. 

sophia’s crying, trying to get you to stop. 

you lift your pen in the air, placing it onto the divorce forms. signing the line. flipping through the pages with anger, signing the other lines. 

“please, let me explain.” she’s sobbing and begging you to look at her. it’s no use, you should’ve never trusted her again. of course she would leave again.

what were you expecting?

you finally sign it all and sophia’s sunken to the floor, tears wracking her body and she stares at the floor. 

“this is what you wanted, right?” you bite out.

she looks up at you, shaking her head vehemently. 

“no, no, i don’t want this. no!” she nearly screams. she gets up, trying to hug you.

“get off of me, sophia.” you cry out. arms at your side as she keeps her arms around you. it’s suffocating, you never thought you’d say it, but her touch is suffocating. 

“my name is fia! it’s fia! you don’t call me sophia!” she cries out, her heart is breaking. 

everything is in ruin again. you’re in ruin too. this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

you wanted to ask her to reconsider, thought of getting her flowers and dressing up all nice to ask her on a date.

this solidified everything you thought was wrong.

“you have a fiancé?” you ask, with betrayal laced in your tone, backing up from her. it hurts to look at her. 

she doesn’t know what to say, so she says nothing. bloodshot eyes that are begging for you to hear her out.

“and you didn’t tell me?” you continue to be impressed, at how little you know sophia.

she shakes her head, trying so hard not to have heave. 

“please, let me explain.” she begs and you shake your head. it hurts so bad, it’s sucking your energy to be in this room with her. 

“and last night…did you even mean it?” you ask, hand over your heart as you feel the anger boiling. you gave her everything, your heart and soul, and she has a fiancé. one that she conveniently forgot to tell you about.

“of course i meant it! i always mean it.” she shouts back, disgusted by the accusation. 

you stare at her, begging for the truth, for this all to be one sick play, where all the curtains rise and a camera crew filming the whole thing. a punk’d kind of sick trick.

“you must be one hell of an actress out there, laforteza.” you say out of spite. “you had me fooled with your act.”

“don’t you dare. i never, i never—it was never an act with you.” she nearly screams. 

but the curtains don’t rise, and reality sticks.

“get out sophia. i don’t want to see you ever again.” you say. you stare at the divorce papers that you haphazardly signed.

signatures flying across the page, and tears wrinkling it. it’s a poor sight, and one that you want out of your home. 

“get the fuck out.”

she feels her heart crack, truly crack. there’s so much hatred in your voice. pain ladened anger that screams for retreat. 

she cries out, hands reaching out for you. you turn away from her. tears streaming down your face.

“if you won’t leave, i will.” you bite out. moving past her, and out the house. and once again you’re running off on buckeye. 

charlie following you closely. whimpers coming from him when he doesn’t see sophia follow. he gives one final look before running to catch up to you.

sophia’s sobbing into herself, curled herself into a ball. staring at the home you both once built. maybe this was how it was always supposed to be. maybe she should’ve just stayed away the first time.

maybe she doesn’t deserve this happy ending either.

thomas steps into the house, the cunning smile rubbed off his face, a colder exterior forming.

“sophia, let’s go.” he says, offering his hand. “enough playing house, you have responsibilities.”

sophia looks at him through her tears, anger directed towards him. steel eyes forged with anger and resentment.

“thomas. fuck. off.” sophia stands up, grabbing the papers off the desk. leaving the house with him behind her.

she gives one more look at the house. trying to commit it to memory, trying to commit you to memory. hand on the door handle, opening the car door and stepping inside. 

maybe she needs to put this all behind.

she cries to herself as the car pulls out the ranch, hand crumpling the paper in her hand.

just like a phantom, she disappears again. 

this time you want her to stay away.

--

a/n: how did we like the ending!!! :) i apologize if this isn't true to the american cowgirl/ranch owner/bull rider experience, i tried my best! and honestly this was a whole beast to write so i hope you enjoyed it! stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

[sscieloz]

ik your requests are closed but would you ever consider a part 2 to CS where minnie gets obsessively possessive of reader even tho she acts like she doesnt give a shit about her at school? absolutely no pressure tho 🫶

like you said, requests r closed bubs

[sscieloz]

BAEEE

byteeee who’s your favorite writers on here? can you give us some good recs until you’re back? 😔

i don’t read as much as i’d like to on here 🥀 but guys omfg @neoplatinum has dropped an amazing sophia fic that has shattered my soul

i also love @spiderb00 (more katseye fics guys!)

@sscieloz my wonderful moot

@fellominaarcher LITERALLY AMAZING. chefs kiss mwah mwah mwah

@jiminomenon my goat… afk but still my goat plz go read the devil wears prada rn

[sscieloz]

i’m so normal about paige bueckers

[sscieloz]

katseye neo? okay LETSGAURRR

I'D RATHER LIE | MERET 'MANON' BANNERMAN

synopsis: reader and manon are caught in a arrangement of being more than just members but less than lovers, their members catch on.

pairing: manon x 7th-member!reader

tags: angst, fluff, smut, members w benefits, top!reader, bottom!manon, bathroom sex, car sex, making out, hickeys, cunnilingus, fingering, 7th!member!reader, katseye members, mentions of a man (el oh el)

wc: 5.9k

"i'd rather lie than to lose you, girl"

hidden behind closed doors and tucked away bedrooms, you were caught under the trance of a woman whose feelings were as fleeting as a thought. the only permanence and constant is her autonomy.

it really was born out of pure coincidence that you found yourself knowing more than just her, but also the way she kisses you. the softness of her skin, the quiet noises in the dead of the night, and even the way her eyes glaze over when you’re in too deep.

there was always the threat of being found out by the public. if word got out that two katseye members were in a romantic relationship, that would spell out the end of the group. so you two kept the arrangement to yourselves. carrying all the memories and weight of your actions. they were locked up in a deep corner of your heart and soul.

in front of cameras you’re plenty pleasant, playing the role of the more quiet and reserved member, cracking rare jokes that had the members laughing until their stomach hurted. but you never wanted to display a weakness to a very special member that had landed her way into your heart. 

so you often created a fake distance with her, sitting away from her during interviews or group lives. it was all a farce, created to weakly contain the deep feelings tucked away, from everyone, and from her too. 

knowing that you will always feel more for her than she could ever feel for you had your heart aching for months. you try not to notice the closeness that’s so evident with other members, a closeness that you long for. you stuck closely with sophia instead, opting to join her lives instead of manon’s. it was a fool-proof way to keep the public from seeing you two as anything other than close friends.

you fought your feelings as hard as you could, letting your heart rip into shreds for the crumbs of attention that you could receive when behind closed doors.

all of that thinly-veiled confidence in your plan, slowly came crashing down.

--

the first to notice was sophia.

it was obvious to everyone and especially sophia that you were more reserved, a quietness about you that wasn’t tainted with awkwardness. rather just comfort in the silence and peace of being truly yourself. so when sophia caught you staring a little too long at manon’s stage videos during rehearsals, she noted that. 

she also noted that you would often give little huffs of annoyance whenever you two were in the same room together.

one time she walked into the kitchen, hoping to grab a quick fruit to snack on. instead she felt she walked into an old western standoff. both of your bodies angled away from each other, but gazes stuck on each other. 

she felt like she just caught herself between two worlds, nothing other than the energy made her feel so caught, you two were perfectly normal. your hands were dripping with soapy water and the faucet was running. manon took a bite of her sandwich while saying nothing to you, just staring back as you were to her. when manon spotted sophia, she offered you half of her sandwich before disappearing into her room. you stood there, watching her until her figure retreated and resumed cleaning dishes. 

sophia swears she felt the temperature drop from how odd that situation was. 

“are you okay?” sophia said as she grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. eyes keenly observing the way your hands were shaking as you continued rinsing plates.

“yes, are you?” you placed another plate onto the drying rack, casting your eyes downward. you continued to busy your hands with other dirty dishes, hoping that sophia would drop whatever she thought about that interaction.

“i'm good, here for some fruit.” sophia smiles at you, still observing the way you refuse to make eye contact with her. 

“the apples are really good, do you want me to cut it up for you?”

she smiles at that, grabbing a small knife, and slowly carving the apple skin off. handing you a small piece before leaving the kitchen once more. you eat the apple piece slowly, staring at the half sandwich that manon left for you.

--

“where’s manon?” sophia asked to the group. 

“probably overslept.” you offer back. drinking more water and capping it before going back to practice more of the dance you were having trouble getting down. sophia’s dialing manon and you try not to focus on that. rather continuing to monitor yourself in the mirror. 

sophia groans and looks at you.

“she’s not picking up, can you go get her?” sophia asks, everyone has their eyes on you, so you reluctantly agree. a growing uneasy feeling as you grab your phone and hoodie. speeding off the lot and straight back to the katseye house. 

when you get to her room, you give yourself a moment to collect yourself before knocking on her door.

“manon?” you ask quietly, waiting for a response. when you get none, you turn the knob, opening the room to a very asleep manon. her hair splayed over her pillow. soft breathing sounds as you walk closer to her.

this was always your weakness, the way she looks like you could wake up next to her for the rest of your life. it’s in the way that she curls into her side, the relaxed face. you wish you could stay whenever you two hooked up, but knowing the after was never going to be yours made you leave before you could fall too deep (you already did).

“manon, wake up.” you softly whisper to her, gently brushing the hair out of her face. her face leans into your touch and you try not to lose your focus. 

she smiles a bit, knowing exactly who’s touching her face.

“no…five more minutes, i swear.” she says. trying her hardest to turn her body the other way. you huff a bit before cradling her face with both hands.

“manon, you’re late for practice, and you know how sophia gets when any of us are late.” you speak to her gently, watching the way she continues to smile with bliss.

you ignore the thumping in your chest when she grabs your hand and pulls it away from her face. only to intertwine her fingers with yours. then her eyes completely open.

“no, come cuddle.” with a swift hook of a leg she drags you into her bed. your back hitting the mattress, and feeling the wind knocked out of you.

“oof.” you groan as you try to get your breathing back, feeling a bit annoyed as manon grabs onto you. her leg wrapped over you and her hands slowly moving against your stomach. 

she stares up at you, watching the way you refuse to make eye contact with her. her hand slowing when she feels your heart thumping in your chest. she smiles as she pulls herself closer. 

you let yourself get pulled into cuddling her for longer. leading you into a quick dissent into messy hands and even messier kisses. the responsibilities of being a global girl group member falls to the back of your mind when you hear her calls for you. 

until you get a call from sophia, asking about your whereabouts. soon you’re speeding down the freeway with manon giggling in the passenger seat, adjusting her jewelry in your car’s sun visor.

when you arrive, manon apologizes for oversleeping, but deep inside your heart you know she doesn’t feel bad at all. 

sophia doesn’t mistake the sight of a hickey just tucked under manon’s top.

--

then daniela noticed.

it was a saturday night, and Daniela found herself invited to a house party up in the hills. hearing the news, manon begged to join the party, and then in tow lara joined as well.

you were dragged in as DD (no one but manon knows how you were convinced to do so). so you were driving up the hills with the chaos of three other girls, loudly screaming songs from your sound system. no one questions that manon always gets passenger seat in your car. 

dropping the keys to your 1969 mustang was less than enjoyable, you just hoped the bright eyed 20 year old valet would not crash your car. walking into a larger than life mansion, you scanned for some soda, something to at least keep you busy until you get that text from daniela that the night is over.

when you finally land yourself a drink, your eyes are glued onto manon, body moving within the crowd. finding a couple of friends that you knew as well. happily chatting them up with delight in her eyes. you can’t be bothered knowing that all you want is to steal manon from the room and do more than friendly things to her.

it’s in the way that she chooses to seek out her happiness away from you, and in the same way you choose tonight you’ll try and forget those brown eyes that haunt you in your every waking moment.

you're walking straight for a girl that’s surrounded by a group of her friends.

“hi sweetheart, want to dance?” you put on your most charming smile, a dangerous game that you swore off years ago, way before you met manon. she gives back a smile, one that’s a little too eager. one that lets you know you won’t return her calls if she gets your number.

soon you’re caught up with a girl that’s everything other than the girl your heart aches for. her hair is too fine, she doesn’t fit against your torso like how she does. her eyes are too light to even be comparable to the ones you love gazing into.

her kisses are too fast, the eagerness kills your mood. just eagerness for eagerness’ sake. you want the passion, the intensity behind the emotions. but you push that need down, you’re here to have as much fun as you can without holding yourself back.

as the night goes on, more people are trickling onto the dance floor. you try your best not to notice how your members are shocked by your actions. the way your touching up on this random girl could make headlines tomorrow that could send all of your careers into a dumpster fire. 

daniela’s about to step in, ready to grab you from the dancefloor, when she’s beat by manon. a determination in her step that couldn’t be matched. manon’s grabbing you by the arms before lara could even shout her name. 

the sleeves of your jackets tugged you away from the girl, your eyes are a little blurry and you almost lose your footing. 

“manon, let me go!” you’re shouting at the girl gripping your jacket. a small light of anger erupting in your stomach when she continues dragging you down the hallway into a bathroom. she slams the door shut and locks you two inside. you stare at her, anger continuing to boil within you.

“what the fuck was that?” your anger is almost tipping, here you are trying to forget the very girl that’s in front of you.

“i could ask you the same thing, what the fuck. was. THAT?” her anger is pouring out too. the way she crosses her arms and glares right back at you. the sparkly sequin dress catching under the light is almost as distracting as the glossy dark red lipstick painting her lips.

“i was having fun, what’s it to you?” you scoff, sitting down on the toilet. you hold her gaze, staring right back into her soul. 

she chuckles low, her eyes have lowered to near slits as she walks up to you.

“that fun you’re searching for…” she guides one of your hands right down her stomach, your gaze following like an obedient dog, “is right here.” 

you’re not letting the warmness of her skin get to you. until she pushes your chin up. the way she gazes into you is far too much for now, you pull back from her, watching the way her eyes go dark with anger. 

“you had no right pulling that out there.” you stand up, backing her up slowly until her back hits the sink.

“and you do? kissing her like that?”

“lucky for you, i’ll play your game.” you roughly grab onto her dress, diving for a kiss that’s spelling more than just the eagerness for her. your soul reaching out for hers as you move her up onto the sink. arms wrapped around you like you’re two pieces born to be molded together.

you’re reaching further into her dress when she roughly pushes your jacket off you. 

“get this off. now.” you’re practically ripping off the jacket when she’s decided now’s the perfect time to watch your tattoos under the light. her eyes are zero-ed in on you. you hotly continue to kiss her as your hands wander. slipping off the straps to her dress like they were a mistake.

your eyes are zooming onto your next target, pulling her more towards you, grabbing her waist before dropping to your knees. you keep your hand on her at all times, feeling the way she grabs onto your hair when you push her dress up. a lazy smile on her face when you look up at her.

you give her a small kiss on her inner thigh, eyes gleaming with amusement as she realizes you’re not moving another inch.

“don’t piss me off.” she growls at you, her lazy smile replaced with a deep frown. you smirk once again at her, using her thighs as leverage, balancing yourself before kissing her further, more kisses near her heat, but never where she wants it most. you’re tempted to keep playing with her, until she pushes your head towards where she needs the attention the most.

the tension is all in your neck as you continue to lay short licks around her. slowly getting her louder and louder, as you finally give her bud a lick. a tantalizing one at that, slowly dropping it near her hole. she lets out a gasp at the sudden prodding. 

you go back to her bud, giving it more desperate licks and digging your fingers into her thighs. a feeling of desperation is growing as she continues to moan your name inside of this bathroom. her hand is gripping onto your hair and pulling like a madman. 

before you know it, she’s pulling you up by your hair. your eyes finding hers before devouring her lips once more, the messiness displayed in the fogged up mirror, handprints on the glass. and you’re pushing her dress up further. finally pulling off her panties in one quick swipe.

her lips continue to find yours, arms tightly looped around your neck as you ruin her further and further.

“inside now.” she’s angry and bothered, her lips attach onto your neck while you enter her. a low moan in the back of her throat erupting just to be perfectly heard right by your ear. “move.”

“patience, darling.” you smirk further, loving the sensation of her against your neck. feeling the way she’s gripping onto you, and trying her best to move on top of this sink.

you chuckle a bit before going right back to what you were doing. hands rubbing up and down her side, fingers reaching into her in just the way she loves it. she continues to attack the side of your neck downwards to your chest.

you’re loving the feeling of desperation, the shaking, the rushed kisses, the sudden reminders to breathe when you move in that one area she loves. almost like a trance, she’s tossed her head back, eyes hiding behind closed eyes that are relishing in the feeling of being around you.

“come on baby, come for me.” her rushed breaths are driving you crazy, the way she tries to grind onto your fingers, making you feel like you’ve reached nirvana. her legs are starting to shake in that way that lets you know she’s nearing her peak.

you latch onto one of her tits and flick it, suckling it before pushing it back out with your tongue. your other hand moving towards her clit, rubbing it in just the same tempo that you’re moving with her. you’re curling your fingers upwards, feeling the pads of your fingers hit that golden spot, and she’s whining against you.

“fuck. fuck. fuck, i’m cumming,” holding onto you as an anchor as you watch her fall apart, legs shaking, breaths heavy as if she’s just danced for an hour. the way she mouths your name silently, letting the waves of her feelings expand and buzz within her.

you’re reminded why you love this so damn much. you want to be the only one that can pull this side of her out. 

and damn it, you need to be the only one.

“it’s okay, i’m not leaving.” you whisper to her as you slowly remove your fingers. a gentle reminder that you’ll always stay with her, with her lowest and her highest moments.

three minutes later lara’s banging on the door like she’s the feds. you quickly pull manon together while she’s still recovering from her dazed state. 

daniela doesn’t mention how your jacket is draped over manon’s poorly covered up dress. nor does she mention how you have lipstick stains still covering your mouth that you’ve poorly wiped off.

--

in two weeks time, the next to notice is lara. it was a quick slip of the mouth but she’s always been good at fact checking you. it’s apparent in the way you always go to her for debates on the more philosophical topics that keeps your mind spinning.

“you stole my milkshake.” lara says as she opens the fridge, you continue to clean down the sink and ignore her comment.

“i said, you stole my milkshake.” lara closes the fridge and stares at you.

“i didn’t steal it.” you state while wringing out the towel you’ve been using the clean the kitchen. with another wipe of the counter, lara gets in your space.

“yeah? then where is it?” she asks, catching you off-balance. seeing the way your eyes expand. she pokes your side with your non-response.

“manon’s room.” you say. moving yourself away from lara. she continues to eye you, watching the way you continue to wipe the same spot down. she leaves for manon’s room, quick strides down the hallway. in a quick turn, she find’s manon at her desk, playing with makeup. 

“manon, you stole my milkshake?” lara’s eyes widen when she sees it on her nightstand.

“i…did no such thing.” she pulls her best puppy dog eyes and notices the cup on her nightstand. lara’s eyes are following hers and it lands on the exact cup of milkshake she was saving for this afternoon.

“then what is this?” lara’s lifting the cup and shaking it in manon’s face. the emptiness of the cup isn’t lost on her. 

“that’s…um, someone’s milkshake.” manon nods to herself, quite proud of her evasiveness.

“yeah, mine’s.” lara scoffs and throws the cup into the nearest trash can. manon can only giggle and whistle as she turns back to her makeup. lara’s getting more suspicious, manon isn’t one to drink milkshakes. 

“why are you drinking my milkshake?” lara sits on manon’s bed, looking around the room.

“i didn’t, you-know-who did.” manon says.

“i thought you stopped hooking up with him?” this is news to lara, she didn’t know manon was still hooking up with him since they broke off the arrangement months ago.

“yeah, um, he came over last night.” now lara’s more than confused, how do you know that the milkshake is in manon’s room. lara was sure she didn’t see anyone come into the house last night.

“really?” lara offers back mindlessly, watching the way manon continues to fiddle with her makeup, a quick hm giving lara all she needed to know. manon’s always been a horrible liar, a dead giveaway when she doesn’t make eye contact.

and then lara spots in, in the very corner of manon’s bed is your favorite beanie, the one you never lend to anyone, not even daniela when she’s having her worst hair dyes. 

“interesting. don’t steal my milkshakes anymore.” lara says, grabbing onto your beanie and exiting the room, walking straight for you.

“you left your beanie in manon’s room.” lara says neutrally, dropping it into your hands. you have half the mind to offer a thank you, but you knew you’ve been found out, or at least that’s what lara’s eyes are telling you. she gives you a smile before exiting the kitchen once more.

“shit.” you eye the beanie.

--

then yoonchae noticed, sweet yoonchae who had no reason to believe that two of her members were hooking up. she had been requested by manon to steal your car keys. the car keys that you kept on you at all times. but you would never guess that sweet yoonchae would take it. thus here’s yoonchae ready to raid your room all for a promise of in-n-out and a sweet ride in your car, by manon.

yoonchae’s browsing your desk, desperate to find that orange 8-ball that you have attached to your keys. her eyes land on it and she can already smell the burgers that manon will buy for her from doing this.

and with a smile, yoonchae’s sitting in your precious red mustang. manon cruising it down to the freeway with two goals in mind. to make this the best birthday gift you’ve ever received and to do it in your car.

yoonchae doesn’t make a comment when she notices how intently manon’s eyeing different bouquets. the way she only chooses the best looking roses, and how she buys all of your favorite snacks, not batting an eye at the price. 

yoonchae happily eats her burger in the passenger seat, watching manon arrange the flowers and gift basket in the backseat. and even though later yoonchae’s dismissed to do whatever she wants, she watches from the house. the way manon grabs pillows and blankets stuffing them inside the car. she certainly finds it weird that manon’s stringing fairy lights in your convertible. 

she also doesn’t mention how she sees manon get all dolled up for this “birthday surprise”. she continues to watch from the corner of the house when manon leads you outside to your very decorated mustang. after almost losing your mind from wondering where your keys were.

--

“you could’ve just asked me to borrow the car, you know? i was losing my mind trying to find my keys.” you huff a bit, walking towards your beautiful car. manon’s quick to walk with you. jumping into th e driver’s side when you unlock the car. you scoff before entering the passenger seat.

“well, i have a birthday surprise for you, and i needed the car for it.” she smirks, grabbing the keys once more and turning the ignition. and soon she’s pulled you two off the lot, heading up for the hills. 

“bannerman, if you crash my car, i’m going to chase you down until the ends of the earth.” you say to her, watching the skyline as you travel through the streets. 

“mm, sounds like someone has a crush.” she smirks, toying with your threat.

“you wish.” you scoff, directing yourself to pull this conversation into another direction. she’s telling you stories of her time in zurich, how she would steal her friend’s car keys and hide them for fun, until they offered to drive her wherever and whenever.

you laugh a bit, that does sound like her. and you recount stories of how your car had gotten you a lot of attention in high school, manon stops tuning in once she hears about how one girl thought the passenger seat to your mustang was her seat.

and soon you’ve pulled up to an overlook. a gaze out onto the city of angels. 

“happy birthday, baby.” manon presents to you a cupcake with a lit candle, “make a wish.”

you don’t say it out loud, but you wish for the girl right in front of you. and after blowing out the candle, manon smiles when she sees you bite into the cupcake. delight spreading over your face, and manon swears she will make your wish true no matter what it is.

“thanks, you didn’t have to do all this.” you say as you unwrap manon’s cupcake for her. 

“i wanted to do this for you, it’s your birthday.” she says quietly, gazing out into the city with sparkles in her eyes. you let the soft music playing from the car consume you. it’s been months since you’ve started this arrangement and lately you can’t even tell if it’s your own desire for her bleeding into the idea that she might like you back. 

no one else has given so much thought into preparing a birthday celebration for you. you continue to stare at her as she stares out at the city. a warmth spreading in your chest that you’re struggling to contain. the loss of self-control building in your chest but also in your voice.

“manon, i think i love you.” you offer. 

she continues to stare out into the city, her eyes closing when she hears those very words. 

“i know.” she says it back like she’s walking a tightrope, like she’s scared to admit her truth as well. 

“i think i love you too, but i’m scared.” she trails off, clasping her fingers together, and she sighs, letting her head fall on your shoulder. you take a minute to digest her words, you’ve never felt so conflicted to hear these words. 

“why are you scared?” you both stare out into the city, like it’ll calm the chaos that’s been plaguing both of your brains.

“i’m scared i’m going to mess this up.” manon’s eyes are closed as she thinks about how happy you make her. how she never wants distance from you, the same distance that you enforced on her to keep everyone off your backs. “i’m scared that i’m too much for you.”

you think of all that you two have done, besides the physical intimacy, there’s so much more you want, the desire for a permanent space in her life.

“i’m scared too, but i want you more.” you offer back, she nods at the words. digesting the way you’ve always been so sure of yourself, even though you hurt yourself by holding yourself back you’ve been so sure of her.

“i didn’t want to assume more than what we had.” manon speaks gently, tracing shapes onto your skin. small hearts that keep looping into each other. 

“i didn’t want to either, but i think eventually i would’ve told you.” you grin to yourself. feeling the weight of the confession being lifted off your shoulders. 

“i’m glad you said something first, i don’t think i would’ve had the courage to.” she says, stopping her tracing to look into your eyes. you laugh a bit.

“you can’t tell me you have feelings for me, but you’ll do this instead?” you point at your gift filled car. you smirk when you notice the small teddy bear with a heart pillow. manon just blushes instead, not answering your observation.

you get off the hood of your car, walking to the back to admire her handiwork. the backseat covered in fairy lights and small paper hearts that hung from the ceiling. you laugh a bit before entering the backseat, pulling manon in with you.

“mind explaining this setup to me?” you grin at her, watching the way she gets embarrassed. 

“it’s stupid really, i wanted us to have chocolates and chill in your car. something lowkey that you would like.” she says, pulling out some chocolate she had sent over from zurich.

you grab her face, placing a long kiss onto her lips, one that expressed the gratitude for her attentiveness.

“this is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” you grab a piece of chocolate from her and toss it into your mouth. letting the music carry the silence of the night. she tosses one into her mouth as well. 

“you’re welcome, baby.” she grabs your face to kiss you. letting her feelings pull her in. and soon you’re all over her. chocolates and gifts long forgotten when she’s the most gorgeous gift you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

you can feel your soul becoming lighter, a sense of belonging as you pull her onto you, legs straddled on you. kissing heavily as the music is drowning in the background. the sensation of soft lips, ones you could lose yourself in forever. the tugs from her as she pulls your hair softly, pulling you back until you’re off her lips. a glazed smile on your face, zero-ed in on hers. admiring the smears of her lipstick as you lick your lips, tasting your favorite cherry lip-gloss that she owns.

“my sweet angel, you wore cherry?” you grin, using a thumb to wipe of the lip-gloss.

“it is your favorite.” she grins, slowly unzipping her hoodie, revealing the red lace lingerie set that always has your eyes go wide. and like clockwork she watches the way your eyes grow to the size of a baseballs. hands immediately latched onto her sides, like a bull you’re ready to charge at red.

she’s perfectly set up this plan, aiming that by the end of the night you get to unwrap your birthday present. 

her.

clad in your favorite red lingerie set.

you pull her closer as you run your fingers over the lace, the familiar feeling of devouring your favorite meal. and with fervor, your back to kissing her, slipping your tongue into her mouth, letting the hotness consume you. acting on pure instinct and hunger, your hands grace her boobs, grabbing one with your hand as you hold the back of the neck with the other. she’s losing herself in the process as well, loving the attention and hunger you’re displaying. she chose the right outfit to wear tonight.

“baby, please.” she whines when you continue to kiss her. moving to kiss her cheeks and pushing her backwards. kissing upon her lace covered skin.

“please? you’re going to have to be more specific.” you let out in between kisses. you play with the straps of her corset. letting one fall off her shoulder.

“please, need you.” you shake your head at her, not heeding her request. “down there, please.”

shes trying to move your hands downward, and you let her. moving it to exactly where you know she needs you the most. and you’re toying with her, liking the way she curls her body into you, breathing heavy and panting. the way she whimpers when you squeeze her bud gently. 

pulling away quickly, she’s about to protest when you grab her to be placed onto the blanket. tucking the pillow just under her neck and kissing her. a reminder of how sweet you are in the passion of devouring her. her eyes watch you intently, the way you shrug off your jacket, leaving you in a sleeveless top. the way she can see the way your muscles are tense as you use your arms to prop you up. she swears she’s never felt so hot for you before.

something about the confidence in knowing her body inside and out has her ready to let everything go. let you control her body like a marionette. and she does.

she lets you toy with her, using your fingers to dexterously bring her closer and closer to her peak. the way you’ve sunken down to explore her both with your hands and mouth. 

“fuck, how are you so good at that.” she’s gasping for you. 

she’s letting out sounds that you didn’t even knew existed. grasping for the seat and window like a lifeline. lost in the pleasure of you, she’s completely let herself free, loud moanings that make the music go silent. until all you can hear is her, in her most vulnerable state.

“baby, please please please, keep going.” she’s begging now, struggling to keep eye contact but trying her best to make you understand just how bad she needs you.

“shit, oh my god, i’m cumming.” and soon she’s crushing your head with her thighs, squeezing you as she rides out her orgasm, the waves of pleasure crashing into herself, slight convulsions and twitches. neither of you say a word as you both catch your breathing. she pulls for you, open hands waiting for you to cuddle her. 

and you do.

you hold her close, just like you always have. she grabs onto you, grip never letting up. she traces the tattoos that you have on your arm, the same one that she loves so much. 

you let yourself feel vulnerable too, draping your jacket over her body, singing her whatever song is softly playing the background, not even moving until sunrise. 

you’re back in the katseye house by the early morning, and you can only hope no one has spotted you two. the way you both look like a wreck and reek of each other.

you smile as you carry a sleeping manon into the house, still snuggled into your jacket as you set her down into your room.

--

the first to say something is megan, and to her defense, it was meant as a joke. until everyone became far too quiet for a simple joke.

it happens during movie night, lara’s put on a classic horror film: the shining. your lack of fear for horror movies has yoonchae and manon hanging onto you throughout the movie. yoonchae’s tucked into your side, ears closed as she tries to get through this scary scene.

manon’s even worse, seated into your lap, away from the TV. her head tucked into the crook of your neck, scared beyond belief. you silent rub her back, whispering to her that “everything will be okay.” 

megan’s laughing her ass off at the scene, finding it more hilarious than anything. daniela and sophia are less scared, but still attentively watching the film. lara doesn’t feel any kind of way as she watches the film, happy to just continue eating her popcorn.

“that scene is so funny!”  megan shouts at the TV, looking at the way yoonchae and manon are gripping onto you for dear life. you simply shrug at the TV, continuing to pat manon’s back.

“not funny at all!” manon shouts back, her eyes still closed shut and letting you rub her back. 

“oh baby, it’s okay, it’s just a movie.” you say to hear but megan overhears it. and without a second thought she opens her mouth.

“baby? are you two finally dating?” megan askes jokingly, eyes wide as she smiles. everyone can hear the pin drop as soon as megan said the final word. lara and daniela are sharing looks, sophia’s ready to get up and lecture the group. meanwhile yoonchae peaks her head up. 

no one says a word for a couple seconds, until everyone’s overlapping with each other.

“n-no listen, it’s not like that.” you offer, feeling your ears heat up.

“i so called it!” daniela shouts at you two.

“jesus, guys! this isn’t any of our business!” sophia’s quick to mediate, trying to settle the chaos that was brewing.

“oh my god, they found out.” manon whispers to you, curling even further into you, embarrassment exploding within her.

“i stole your car keys for manon. sorry.” yoonchae says to you lightly, and you can already feel a pressure migraine growing as all the girls are talking over each other. daniela and lara sharing what they’ve noticed.

“fuck my life.” you groan, and feel manon giggle into you.

--

a/n: tried a new format! and a comeback fic that was not proofread/first smut-ish fic, this was so fun to write! stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

[sscieloz]

early band!aespa aesthetic

[sscieloz]

Hello, wonderful souls! 🤍🌍

I hope you're doing well. 🌿

Could you help me amplify my family's story and bring awareness to our struggle? 🙏🏻

💬 Please reblog my pinned post or consider donating just $5—your support could truly make a difference in saving lives amidst war and hardship.

Your kindness and voice matter more than you know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🤍🌿

🕊️ @mosabsdr | Every share counts. 💫

🤍

[sscieloz]

uni has been kicking my ass, and i’m now planning a few long fics for the future. so i might lurk on ao3 for a while ^^

[sscieloz]

in love w this theme ^^

[sscieloz]

Hello,

I hope you’re all doing well. 🌿

I need your help to share my family's story and raise awareness about our struggle. Every voice counts, and your support means the world. 🙏

💬 Please reblog my pinned post or, if you're able, consider donating just $5—it could be life-changing for those facing unimaginable hardship.

Your kindness and solidarity make a real difference. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🤍✨

@abedmajeed

🤍🤍🤍

[sscieloz]

gawd life was good we were getting bangers from njz and now... this is all mhj's fault bro I'm gonna explode girls shouldn't have put their trust in her, that woman is EVIL. she is like a cult leader rn with those shirts and crap like that, also it was clear that they would lose this battle in court bc none of this was handled properly, they should've gotten a good legal team that actually knew how to do something and this wouldn't have happened. like you are literally against probably one of the richest company in korea???? they have the best lawyers ofc this would happen if you handle things stupidly.

atp mhj will ensure that if she cannot have them, neither can Hybe.

sorry if i yapped too much here i am just very, very angry about all of this. i just hope girls realize that all the adults(even their parents) in this situation are simply using them 🫤

they were children who stood up for themselves when caught up in the center of a nasty fight between powerful people. regardless of their legal team, the odds don’t favor them in the slightest. it’s just such a nasty industry. the fact they’re not even considered workers? they’re not allowed to have a syndicate? proper rights? south korea is a hellhole of a country

[sscieloz]

WE STAND WITH NEWJEANS😤😤😤😤

[sscieloz]

I'm physically good but mentally I need a girlfriend, I think after all the things I deserve a girl but the universe is against me, my uni is full of dudes 😭 (I'm sorry I'm just rumbling 🥹)

we all need a gf fr you’re so real for that

[sscieloz]

How are you???

i’m alright! hruu

[sscieloz]

can i say i rlly love ur crybaby.au if thats what its called? i stumbled upon it once and wow that hit some emotions in me really well done i love ur writing idk if ur gonna make more of that au for twice but ill be waiting patiently for any update of ur writings (≧∇≦)b

[sscieloz]

📷: the members through y/n’s eyes

[sscieloz]

yunjin is such a great writer ;) i love her so much❤️ wish i was half as loving and talented