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“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay, I’m right here, it’s okay.”  /  @hernoah.  /  from here.

you’re  drowning  ,  that much you’re certain of.  chest tight  ,  lungs near  unwilling  or  unable  to take in air  ,  feeling so thick that you’re  sure  this must be it  ,  that it won’t be the  cancer  that takes you  ,  but  drowning  .  even with this damn  tube  in your nose  ,  you can’t breathe.  grasping at your chest  ,  struggling to stay awake  ,  your poor heart beating  uselessly  against the water filling your chest.

if this is  death  ,  it’s much more  painful  than you thought it would be.

noah’s here  ,  you can hear him  just  out of reach above your pained struggles for air.  your lips are turning  blue  ,  it must be quite  frightening  for him to watch someone  drown  within their own body.  you wonder if he’s watched anyone else die  ,  you don’t want this to be the first time.  it’s so  ugly  ,  you think  ,  feeling as though your lungs are fit to  burst  from how much water’s inside them.

only there’s no water  ,  &  you aren’t  drowning  ,  &  noah is yelling into the hallway for your brother  ,  who knows how to take care of you.

he’s scared  ,  too.  you can see it even though your vision is dotting with black spots.  you can’t breathe  ,  your brain isn’t getting enough air  ,  &  without a hospital  ,  you’ll  surely  die  ,  suffocating in a room full of air.  rian’s  frantic  ,  trying to keep you awake long enough for the ambulance to show up  ,  for the people who can save you to do their  fucking  jobs  ,  you hear him say.  though you’re gasping for air  ,  he still makes you  smile  .

every breath feels so  heavy  &  sharp  ,  you really can’t be sure you’re not drowning in water the same shade as noah’s  eyes  .

they’re both begging you to stay awake  ,  but the black overtakes you  ,  pulling you into a dark ocean.

this is the end  ,  isn’t it ??

death is so much  louder  than you imagined it.  there’s a heart monitor next to your bed  ,  beeping  steadily  to the rhythm of your still-beating heart.  the afterlife is so much more  sterile  than you thought it would be  ,  surely your childhood dog  ,  rocky  ,  the shepherd who was sick just like you are  ,  would be here too  ,  wouldn’t he ??

but rocky’s not here  ,  &  neither is your grandfather  ,  because you’re not dead.

breathing doesn’t hurt anymore  ,  because there’s a machine doing it  for  you this time.  it keeps your failing body alive until you don’t need it anymore.  the reason you felt like you were  drowning  ,  the doctor says as he pulls that tube from your throat  &  replaces it with the familiar one in your nose  ,  is because you  were  ,  in a way.  acute pneumonia  ,  he says  ,  your brother was sick last week  &  it nearly  killed  you.  rian must feel so  guilty  ,  but it’s not his fault you were sick  ,  it’s not his fault you almost  died  .  he’s busy with work  ,  so you aren’t surprised to see him absent from your side.  you know he’ll be here soon enough.

as soon as the tube is out of your throat  ,  you see a flash of  red  your peripheral vision.  noah’s here  ,  &  you feel a little guilty.  he must’ve been  worried  ,  you don’t think he deals with  dying  people very often.  dead  ,  sure  ,  everyone’s seen someone who  died  ,  but the mid-stage isn’t very pretty  ,  very few see it.

the tube is gone  ,  &  you’re  gasping  again  ,  looking frantically at him as you had before.

it’s okay.  it’s okay.  it’s okay, i’m right here, it’s okay.

his warmer hand is wrapped around your own as a nasty  cough  leaves you  ,  only able to  breathe  again when there’s oxygen through your nose once more.  your voice is quiet  ,  gravelly from the irritation in your throat  ,  &  you squeeze his hand gently. 

‘ ‘m sorry. ’ 

as if almost  dying  is something you could control  ,  as if you haven’t probably traumatized  &  run off the one real friend you’ve had in a  long  time. 

‘ i’ll, uh....try not to almost die anymore.  didn’t mean t’scare you. ’

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Worried Sentence Starters

“[Name] - [Name]. Hi. It’s okay. Don’t try to sit up, do you know where you are?”

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay, I’m right here, it’s okay.”

“I thought I was going to lose you.”

“You weren’t answering, and I thought -”

“I tried to… our first aid kit was tiny, but I tried.”

“I couldn’t get to you.”

“When I found you, you weren’t breathing.”

“You were dead. They/I had to bring you back.”

“It’s… It’s just really good to see you awake.”

“Call me back when you get this, okay? I’m worried.”

“You asked me to help but I - I couldn’t. I tried. I’m sorry.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, did you see the news about that building collapsing? Weren’t you on that side of town?”

“I missed three calls from you and couldn’t get a hold of you, so I came in person. What’s up?”

“Was it me? Was it because of me?”

“That cough sounds pretty bad.”

“Are you sure you should be doing that so soon? You were hurt.”

“Your body needs time to recover.”

“Should I stay with you?”

“Nobody can get to us out here. We’re on our own.”

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Hanabi Yasuraoka l 安浦岡花火

Kuzu no Honkai l Scum's Wish

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🐝  *  ―  𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐘  𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊  𝐔𝐏  𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒.   (  since  i’ve  already  made  some  dirty  pick  up  lines,  let’s  have  a  few  tame,  more  romantic  ones.  feel  free  to  adjust  to  better  fit  your ��muses.  )

❛  wouldn’t it be the perfect crime if i stole your heart and you stole mine ?  ❜ ❛  i just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are.  ❜ ❛  falling for you would be a very short trip.  ❜ ❛  do you have a map ? i’m getting lost in your eyes.  ❜ ❛  i’ll be yours forever. just tell me when to start.  ❜ ❛  if you were a tear drop i would never cry for fear of losing you.  ❜ ❛  i’m sorry, i don’t know your name. can i just call you mine ?  ❜ ❛  are you as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside ?  ❜ ❛  i think the gaps between my fingers were meant for yours.  ❜ ❛  there isn’t a word in the dictionary for how beautiful you look.  ❜ ❛  why would i want to look at the stars when i can look in your eyes ?  ❜ ❛  if beauty were time, you would be forever.  ❜ ❛  when i think of you i smile, and when i smile i think of you. i don’t know if it’s the thinking that makes me smile or the smile that keeps me thinking. all i know is i’m always thinking of you and smiling.  ❜ ❛  my heart forgets to beat the moment i see you.  ❜ ❛  is your dad in jail ? because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.  ❜ ❛  you’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pick up line.  ❜ ❛  i just want you to know that when i picture myself happy, it’s with you.  ❜ ❛  you are my compass. without you i’m lost.  ❜ ❛  the only flaw in your entire body is your lips ― they’re not touching mine.  ❜ ❛  excuse me, i seem to have lost my heart. i think you must have it.  ❜ ❛  you make my life easier with your disarming smiles.  ❜ ❛  perfect will be making you mine forever.  ❜ ❛  i think we are made for each other.  ❜ ❛  you are a walking art exhibit. i could study you for days.  ❜ ❛  i now believe in angels. do you believe in fate ?  ❜ ❛  i’m not a photographer but i can picture me and you together.  ❜ ❛  do you have wi-fi ? because i am really feeling a connection right now.  ❜ ❛  well, here i am. what are your other two wishes ?  ❜ ❛  are you lost ? because heaven’s a long way from here.  ❜ ❛  you spen so much time in my mind, i should charge you rent.  ❜ ❛  if you are a fruit, you would be a fineapple.  ❜ ❛  i am not drunk honey, i’m just intoxicated by you.  ❜ ❛  i am a man of few words. you are beautiful. would you like to go out ?  ❜ ❛  you know you have the most amazing smile ?  ❜ ❛  i was gonna say something really sweet about you but when i saw you i was speechless.  ❜ ❛  you are deserving of masterful poetry, not mere words.  ❜ ❛  are you a magician ? because whenever i look at you, everyone else disappears.  ❜ ❛  i am not your first love, but i would love to be the last.  ❜ ❛  i was blinded by your beauty, so i’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.  ❜ ❛  i know i don’t have a chance, but i just wanted to hear an angel talk.  ❜

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ways to respond when someone says, "I'm okay."

this is a rp meme it's for roleplay purposes please feel free to reblog it & use it for that purpose, it's what it was made for!

"[Name]."

"[Name.]" (gently)

"I mean it. I want to know."

"I'm worried about you."

"Are you hurt?"

"What happened?"

"Do you need me to come home?"

"Have you eaten anything?"

"That's probably true, but let's get you checked over anyway, alright?"

"I believe you. Let me help, anyway?"

"The shower's running."

"Well, I'm not."

"I miss you."

"Don't."

"I don't believe you."

"I know."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Is that true?"

"That really scared me."

"You're crying."

"You're bleeding."

"Don't move yet."

"It looked bad."

"I brought you some water."

"I called your work to tell them you weren't coming in."

"Let's stay home today."

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me: rowan is a very hard person to love partially by choice and partially because it’s hard to love dying people sometimes also me: i think rowan should get a girlfriend or a boyfriend

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Send ‘Would you kindly’ and a command and my muse has to obey.

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for a slightly more lighthearted headcanon: rowan is a theatre actress, specializing in professional productions of shakespeare’s works and stage adaptations of things like novels, movies, etc.  due to her needing to be on oxygen, she’s unable to do musicals anymore, but she has done them in the past when she was less dependent on oxygen.  nowadays, she’s working on transitioning into voice acting, which doesn’t require as much from her physically and would allow her to continue working even as her disease progresses.

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anyways just some more rowan Thoughts but: she purposefully tries to make herself difficult to love or care about sometimes, especially on her worst days, because she feels like she’s doing people a favor by pushing them out of her life, like she’s sparing them the heartbreak of watching her basically slowly die.  she’s terrified of intimacy, emotional or physical, because it requires a vulnerability of her she’s not always comfortable with, especially on the days when she’s really visibly sick, because it’s always visible, but some days are always better than others.  but rowan tries so hard to make herself unlovable or at the very least just godawful to be around those days because if they push her away or if they leave, she’s somehow convinced herself that that’s better than them staying, that breaking her own heart is better than making someone watch her get sicker and sicker and eventually die and her worst fear is that someone would love her despite how hard she tries to prevent it, that somehow she’d ruin their lives by letting them love her.

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also i’m gonna have rowan’s brother as a very severely request only side muse bc i love the clare siblings so much

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tired of walking on eggshells pretending like i don’t care about shipping when i do actually. sue me but i crave romance and i think it’s fun to write. i WANT to ship my characters. i don’t care if our first interaction is setting the foundation for a plotted ship. the best part is this still doesn’t mean shipping is my main focus but god the purist culture the rp community has developed around shipping and painting it as some moderately taboo thing that you should only ever indulge at a strict minimum is so exhausting. ship with me.

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send me “-👕” to catch my muse without a shirt on

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noah.

i’ve  got  a  lot  on  my  mind .  |  @stagebraved​

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noah has never been in such a position that rowan is currently in . he’s been on the other end of death , seen quite a bit of it for only eighteen years , but … he can’t imagine being in her shoes . knowing , counting down the time she has left . it sounds , well , terrifying . 

he’s never really sure of how to respond to things she says pertaining to this , but it’s obvious she needs someone to lean on , some support . noah is good at that , at offering a hand when it’s needed . he scoots a little closer to her . 

‘ ‘m happy to lend an ear , if you’d like . ’ he speaks in earnest ,  ‘ no pressure . ’

‘ thanks. ’ 

she leans against him slightly with a  sigh  ,  adjusting her cannula slightly over her ear.  it’s so  annoying  having to wear it  ,  but it’s  annoying  being sick  ,  too.  she can’t talk to her brother all the time  ,  he just gets  mad  that she’s dying  &  he can’t do a damn thing about it  ,  her parents just  cry  about it.

noah’s a bit more  comfortable  with death  ,  it seems.  maybe he might understand.

‘ ‘m so tired of watching people react to me being sick, ‘cause ‘m not just gonna get better.   there’s so much.....pity.  i don’t wanna be pitied, i... ’ 

she sniffles a little  ,  closing her eyes. 

‘ i just wanna be as normal as possible, for as long as ‘ve got. ’

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thinking abt rian clare tonight lads.....thinking abt how rowan always calls him her baby brother even though they are literally The Same Age and he always reminds her of this face bc it pisses him off and he’s just a very angry individual in general but rowan loves him so much

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noah.

❛  i  look  like  i  belong  in  a  graveyard .  ❜   |   @stagebraved​

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   is … is she joking right now ? was that a joke ? is that humor in her voice , when she talks like that ? honestly , noah isn’t used to joking about death , so he’s not sure how to necessarily … respond , to something like this . he’s sure this internal panic at least flashes across his face for a second , before he composes himself and shakes his head . ‘ no you don’t ! you – you look good , rowan . ’ 

he looks so  worried  for a moment that rowan can’t help but  laugh  ,  though it quickly turns into a slight  wheeze  .  she’s gotten so used to joking about  death  that it’s second nature to her  ,  she’d forgotten that not everyone does.  she smiles once she catches her breath  ,  shaking her head. 

‘ well....guess i look pretty alright for someone who’s dyin’, yeah. ’

‘ sorry ‘bout that.  ‘m used to joking about it, to, y’know.....cope. ’ 

she wrings her hands a little in her lap  ,  offering a nervous smile.  she didn’t have many friends anymore  ,  &  rowan  really  wasn’t all that keen on scaring off the first friend she’d had in a while.