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starzyviolet · 22 days ago

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hey so are you gonna pay for my therapy after this

One Last Dance | Chapter 20

pairing: Minho x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, major character death (I am apologizing now), friends to lovers, soul mates, first love, roommates

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it); 3rd person

warnings: depictions of grief, swearing, mention of food and eating

summary: Childhood best friends Lee Minho and L/n Y/n are in their final year of university. While both of them are in love with each other, the only thing keeping them apart is Minho’s fear of change. As both dancers prepare for their lives after college, will Minho finally let fear rule him and his emotions or will he finally gain courage before he loses Y/n forever?

word count: 6,909

screenshot count: 23

taglist: closed!

previous | masterlist

“You know, we can’t stay in bed like this forever,” You giggle softly, stoking Minho’s hair.

“We can and we will. It’s too dangerous out there.” He mumbles into your neck.

You’re not sure what time it is. Minho got rid of the clock in your room a while ago and you have no idea where either of your phones are. You can see the soft yellow and orange of a new sun poking through the window. It’s almost like time is standing still. The apartment is quiet, you can’t even hear the low hum of the refrigerator on the other side of the wall. The cats must be asleep outside the room still. If they were up, they’d be screaming outside the door for breakfast.

“What about work? We aren’t exactly rich. What? Are we going to become squatters? How are we going to get food and litter for the cats? Food and other necessities for us?” You tap the back of his head to get his attention on you. It doesn’t work.

“We’ll turn your old room into a dance room. I can teach dance online. And delivery services exist. If all else fails, we have Ma-Ri and the maknaes.”

“So what’s your plan? We become, what’s the word? Why can I only think of the Japanese word for it? Hikikomori,”

“Because you’ve been studying Japanese for months. And we wouldn’t be hermits exactly.”

“In what world is us locking ourselves up in this apartment, not hermit behavior?” You laugh, amused by his answer.

“This one,” Minho presses a kiss into your neck and tightens his grip around you.

“Okay, I’ll humor you for a moment. You’re running a dance studio from your laptop, what am I supposed to do?”

“Nothing. I’ll take care of us.”

“Uh huh,” you nod, thinking for a second. “Let’s say stay here for the rest of our lives? Are we going to get married in our living room? What about our kids? Are we all going to live in this room like the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Or are you going to get rid of your online dance studio? What about if we get sick? Or if the cats get sick? What then?"

"I'll take care of it all, don't worry. You just stay right here where I can protect you."

"Minho..." You say softly.

Minho's hand moves under your shirt, traveling from your side to your stomach. His fingers barely graze the middle, almost like he's terrified to touch your stomach. After a second of hesitating, he strokes the scar running across your abdomen. He's quiet but you can hear the gears turning in his head and he continues to trace your scar.

"I know what you're thinking, don't even say it. I like that we have couple scars." You reassure him.

He finally lifts his head from the crook of your neck and meets your eyes. His lips are pressed into a thin line and the corners are turned down. His brown eyes are unwavering and glossy as he stares into you.

"If...if I had been there that day, we wouldn't have couple scars. I would have--"

"What? Gotten stabbed yourself?" You take your right hand and place it on his face, your thumb gently stroking his cheek.

"Or I could have stopped that bastard. None of this would have happened." He rambles. You can hear the anger building in his voice.

"Minho, you couldn't have stopped it from happening."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." He grumbles.

"Okay,"

He drops his head on your chest, your hand instinctively goes to his scalp. You've always thought he's a bit like a cat, or the human embodiment of a cat at least. You can't remember how many times you've calmed him down throughout your lives just by simply stroking his hair. If he was a cat, he'd be purring right now as your fingers massage his scalp. He's absentmindedly tracing your scar still, almost like he's trying to rub it away. But not too hard so he doesn't hurt you.

Meow

"You have you wake up," You gently tell Minho.

"I've been awake, what are you talking about?" He sits up and looks at you again.

"Minho, you have to wake up."

Minho's eyes slowly open, hot tears spilling out of them. His heart pounds in his chest as he reaches over to your side of the bed. His still-pounding heart sinks when his hand is met with the cool, neatly made blanket. It's just like how you left it the morning you went out with the music majors, untouched by everything besides the cats.

"I wasn't ready to wake up yet," He whispers. His eyes stare past the ceiling, almost like he's trying to look at you. If that's even possible.

Minho has never liked waking up alone. When you were babies, your fathers worked a lot and far away so your mothers would often just spend the day with each other, which meant that the two of you would be put down for naps and bedtime together often. For a while, he would have trouble going to sleep without next to him. As you got older and naps together became less frequent, he began hating going to sleep and waking up alone. On the rare occasion, you two would fall asleep while studying or at a sleepover, he would wake up happy to find you next to him. While he now enjoys going to sleep, even spending the day looking forward to drifting off to sleep, he still dreads waking up.

Meow

Minho takes a deep breath, your scent from your pillow faintly hitting his nose, before finally forcing himself out of bed. He slips on one of his hoodies before leaving the room. He wipes his face, attempting to dry it as he walks into his living room. The cats used to sleep in your room with the two of you, their four beds lined the window. For a while, they slept on your side of the bed, keeping it warm for you as they waited for you to come back home. But when Minho put up the altar for you in the living room, they started sleeping around it. Minho eventually had to move their beds next to the altar so they wouldn't knock anything down when they tried to sleep.

"Morning, Soonie. Morning, Dori. Morning, Doongie. Morning, Moonshine." Minho presses a kiss to his fingers and then touches the portrait of you at the altar as he walks by.

He walks to the kitchen and gets their food and water bowls squared away. He quietly fills up their bowls as they mewl at him. He pauses for a second as he sees that he has barely enough food left for them for dinner. The two of you have never let the cat food get so low. Normally, you get the cats their breakfast while Minho covers their dinner, and then you two switch off for lunch. But, Minho's head hasn't been entirely there so he hasn't noticed how much the food has gone down over the past couple of weeks.

"Breakfast time!" Minho sings as he places all the bowls in their designated spots.

Once all the bowls are set and all four cats are eating, he turns back to your altar.

"What should we have for breakfast this morning?" He asks himself as he turns to the fridge. He's met with a nearly empty fridge. There are some leftovers and take-out containers that he knows he has to get rid of sooner rather than later. Other than that, there's not much else in the fridge.

"Hm, I guess we're having omelets this morning," He mumbles as he pulls out all the ingredients he needs.

He quickly makes two omelets, one of them smaller than the other. You set them on their respective plates, bringing the smaller omelet to your altar. He sets up his little table and sets it up in front of your altar before getting his food to come and eat with you.

Pity isn't the right word for what Ma-Ri and Hyunjin feel right now. Sure, the sight in front of them is pitiful, but it still isn't the exact word for what they feel. Mainly what they feel is sad.

When Ma-Ri finally made her way over to the maknae apartment, Minho still hadn't responded to Hyunjin. The two of them slowly made their way over, anxiety filling their bodies. Hyunjin gave Ma-Ri the apartment key and let her walk in first. He stood behind her with his phone in his hand, ready to call for help if they needed to. They knocked first, giving Minho one last chance to show that he was okay before going into the apartment. When they did, they noticed two things.

The first thing they noticed, the apartment looked almost exactly how it did 3 months ago, right before the two of you started packing for Tokyo. No one besides Minho has been inside the apartment since you died. With you not being there and all of the boxes, nobody wanted to. At some point in the past two months, maybe around the time of the funeral, Minho must have unpacked everything, restoring the apartment to its previous state.

The second thing they noticed, and probably the most important, is Minho sitting in the corner of the room, directly across from your altar. He has a plate of food on his table and a similar, smaller plate set in front of your picture. And while this sight alone is enough to make Hyunjin feel sad for his hyung, he also feels angry. Minho's phone sits next to him on the table, face up, and he's sitting about 6 hours away from the front door. Nothing is preventing him from even calling through the door, and yet he doesn't.

"He's fine noona, let's go," Hyunjin says cooly as he tugs on Ma-Ri's sleeve.

"I don't think--"

"Ma-Ri? Hyunjin? What are two doing here." Minho asks, finally taking notice that the apartment is more occupied than it's been in a while.

"We thought you had a new, self-installed ceiling fan. But you don't so we can just leave." Hyunjin says as he calmly balls his fits in his hands.

"What are you talking about?" Minho blinks, looking around the room.

"He just means that we're worried about you. We haven't heard from you since the funeral and--"

"And you thought you'd find me dead somewhere in the apartment with the cats eating my face?"

If the situation was different. If everything was normal, both Ma-Ri and Hyunjin would laugh at Minho’s response and tell him that, that was exactly what they thought. But Ma-Ri was just relieved that she wouldn’t have to see another one of her friends dead on the floor while Hyunjin is slowly getting annoyed.

“See, noona, he’s fine. Even making jokes. Can’t get up off his ass to answer the door or even just pick up the fucking phone, but he’s fine. Let’s go,” Hyunjin grumbles, turning to leave.

“Which noona?” Minho asks.

Ma-Ri feels a sudden pang in her chest. Which noona? A question that was often asked when the group was at full capacity. The maknaes weren’t necessarily used to having to deal with both you and Ma-Ri at once, so just referring to either of you as ‘noona’ without saying your name was common. Which made everyone confused when someone said ‘noona’ and not the context of what one was being talked about. It was fun when you were still alive, but now it's painful.

"You can't be serious," Hyunjin's mouth drops in disbelief. He thought Jeongin was in denial, but this is something completely different.

"Minho..." Ma-Ri says softly.

"This is great. I'm the most sane one right now. Felix is going around like he's Batman looking for some sort of vengeance. Seungmin wakes up every night screaming. Jeongin refuses to believe that Y/n is gone. And Minho hyung is over here role-playing Norman fucking Bates."

"Hyunjin, he's not exactly role-playing Norman Bates. If he was then Y/n's--"

"I can't do this," Hyunjin says before storming out of the apartment.

Minho blinks in confusion, unsure of what just happened. Ma-Ri lets out a deep sigh as she walks over to the couch, throwing herself on it. The room is quiet as Minho tries to process what just happened and Ma-Ri stares at the ceiling.

Being in your apartment without you being here feels weird for Ma-Ri. Wrong even. It's like she's waiting for you to come out of your room or bathroom. Maybe even throw yourself on top of her when you finally do come out. You and Minho lived in the apartment since your first year of college. For Ma-Ri, you're the first person she met in college, and with that, she had a whole list of firsts. First friend with their own apartment. First friend she had a sleepover with. The first girl she had a genuine crush on. The first person she ever came out to. Hell, you even offered to be her first kiss with another girl so she would shut up about it. Her crush for you dissipated when she realized that there was no way she would ever win as long as Minho was in the picture. And in a way, it worked out better. Ma-Ri loved the relationship she had with you up until the end. You had gone from friends to sisters. And while Ma-Ri herself has two sisters, an older one who is already married and a younger one in high school, she felt closer to you in those four years of knowing you than she has ever been with her biological sisters. And now that you're gone, Ma-Ri has experienced a new first, first heartbreak.

"What the hell was that about?" Minho finally asks. From her position on the couch, she can't tell if he's talking to you or your picture.

"He's just worried and stressed. We both are. It's...it's been a rough couple of months. You know." Ma-Ri presses the palms in her hands into her eyes.

"You and Hyunjin seem to be doing well enough." Minho scoffs.

"I know you're grieving right now, but I will beat the shit out of you." Ma-Ri spits out.

"I was just making an observation." He mumbles, turning back to his food.

If Minho had actually paid attention, he would have noticed very quickly that Hyunjin and Ma-Ri are not doing well. He would have seen the dark circles that circled their eyes as a result of sleepless nights. Hyunjin's lack of sleep stems from being woken up in the middle of the night by Seungmin's screaming. Most nights, the only way to get him to stop is for Hyunjin to climb into bed next to him and hold him for a bit, quietly humming to calm him down. On other nights, when Felix is actually home, he'll climb in too to help calm him down. Those are the nights when Jeongin sleeps in Hyunjin's bed so he's not alone while the other two comfort Seungmin. Ma-Ri, on the other hand, wakes up frequently, in tears. She has trouble closing her eyes without seeing you.

"Hey, Min," Ma-Ri sits up and leans over the end of the couch. Her eyes freeze over your smiling picture. You're grinning as you look directly into the camera. You're wearing a light green hoodie. What can't be seen is the pose you're striking. Your arms are stretched out, one hand holding a sparkler while the other one holds a stuffed pig you won from one of the games at this year's New Year festival. She took that picture. This was right before you ended up giving that pig to a little kid who couldn't win any prizes. And before Hyunjin and Seungmin started arguing over something trivial.

"Hm?"

"I know it makes the most sense for me to grow up since I'm 22 and graduated university and I have a professional job and everything. But all of those boys are still kids. Jeongin barely turned 20 a few months before all this happened. Hyun's only 21 but he had to grow up so quickly. I help him when I can but he's pretty much taking care of the rest of the maknaes himself. The two of us had to accept the fact that Y/n isn't coming back quickly so we can stop the rest of the group from falling apart."

"I'm not falling apart if that's what you're getting at," Minho says simply as he turns his attention back to your picture.

"I didn't say that," Ma-Ri presses her lips to a thin line, that's exactly what she's getting at. "But you do have to realize that you're not okay. You can't keep doing this to yourself. Think of Y/n. What would she say if she saw you like this?"

Minho turns back to Ma-Ri, staring at her with dead eyes, his mouth quirks in annoyance. He can't help the tears that prick his eyes. Whether they're from anger or sadness, he doesn't know. He slams his fork down on his table as he quickly gets up and starts to clean up. He walks into the kitchen without a word, hands full of his dinner plate.

"Minho--"

"Get out,"

"Excuse me?" Ma-Ri gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen, careful to not step on any of the cats.

"You heard me," He empties his plate into the trash before he starts washing his dishes. "I said get out."

"I get that you're mad but--"

"I'm not mad." He says angrily, slamming the sponge into the sink.

"Okay, you're not mad." Ma-Re defensively puts her hands up.

"Why are you here?" He asks suddenly, taking a deep breath.

"You're my friend and I'm worried about you." She says softly.

"You were always more Y/n's friend than mine. But she's gone, so why are you here?"

Ma-Ri bites her lip to stop herself from saying something out of pocket. She knows that it wouldn't help anything right now. Even then, she can't say that MInho's words and overall attitude don't hurt.

"Look, I know you say some fucked up shit when you're trying to push everyone away. And I also know that you're really hurting right now so I'm going to give you this one free pass."

"Ma-Ri--"

"I'm leaving, don't worry." Ma-Ri gets her things from the couch and hesitates while she stares at the door. "There's a support group. It's held in the basement of the church by the university. Hyun and I go often, we're trying to get the others to go. You should think about it."

"What are you doing here?" Felix asks as he climbs into Minho's car.

Felix buckles up his seatbelt and leans back into the chair. His face is filled with cuts and bruises, some fresh and some old. His left eye has a slightly faded bruise under it. Not only is Felix picking fights, it looks like he's also getting his ass beat in the process.

"Thanks hyung for coming for calming all the way down here to bail me out of jail." Minho mocks, annoyed at his younger friend's attitude.

"I'll catch the bus," Felix unbuckles the seat belt and starts to get out of the car.

"Sit your dramatic ass down. Jesus, you've been spending way too much time with Hyunjin."

Minho is taking this as a sign from you to try to fix everything. That you want him to fix it. If he has to start with Felix, then so be it. How? He has no idea. He can feel the anger radiating off Felix. Long gone is the doe-eyed boy he met nearly years ago who could barely speak Korean and wanted to do nothing more than dance. It’s like that version of himself died along with you, leaving behind an angry shell of a man. Minho can’t even imagine how Felix would be reacting if he had watched you die like the others. The idea alone sends a shiver down his spine.

Minho slightly quirks his head as he starts the car up again. Felix leans back into his seat, yet again. He pulls his earbuds out of his pocket and shoves them in his ears. Felix then pulls his hood over his head and leans his head on the window.

As Minho drives away from the police station, he thinks about all the possible ways he could fix it. If you were here, Felix would take one look at you and confess all of his deepest, darkest, innermost thoughts. But he is, quite literally, shutting Minho out right now.

Minho isn't good at words. He's better at acts of service. Like making soup when the boys don't feel good. Or making everyone finals week survival kits. Anything indirect really. You were always better at the direct. Pulling everyone out of their shells and making you tell them what's wrong. Comforting them in person. Which is what they all need right now. They need you, not him. And Felix is so angry, how would you even deal with that?

Anger

An idea clicks into Minho's head quickly. It might not work, but if it could help in the slightest he is willing to try it. He changes the direction of where he is heading, almost making a full U-turn in the opposite direction. It's a shot in the dark but that's how he feels navigating through life has been like lately.

***

"Why did we stop," Felix asks when the car pulls into a parking lot.

“Do you wanna break some shit?” Minho turns the car off and turns to Felix.

“What?” Felix’s mouth hangs open in confusion.

“Do you want to break some shit?” He asks again, refusing to give the younger boy any context.

“Sure?”

“Okay, let’s go,”

Minho quickly gets out of the car before Felix can protest. Felix gets out of the car and just as Minho walks into a rage room. Felix didn't know what to expect when Minho asked him if he wanted to break shit. Vandalism maybe, but controlled chaos? Not exactly. He almost wishes it was vandalism. Almost.

The two men are quickly taken to one of the rooms where they are instructed to put on safety gear. As they get dressed, they're instructed on the procedures of how to safely break things inside the room. After a few minutes, they're let into yet another room filled with various breakable objects and things to break them with. Felix hesitates before picking up a metal baseball bat. Minho grabs a sledgehammer and walks off to the side. Felix looks around the room before grabbing an old, box-set TV and dragging it to the center of the room. He tightens his grip on the baseball bat, freezing as he thinks.

"Go ahead, fuck that tv up." Minho encourages him.

Felix shrugged before lightly swinging the bat. The bat hits the screen with a satisfying clink.

"C'mon, Yongbok." Minho calls softly, "You were pissed off enough earlier to get arrested for beating the shit out of someone. I know you can do better than that."

clink

"Are all those muscles you have from fighting for show?"

clink

"Now you're starting to piss me off,"

Clink

"If you're going to hit like that, I should have just let you punch me in the parking lot,"

Clink

"Instead of a TV, picture the person you're mad at."

CLINK

"There we go," Minho cheers.

CLINK

"That's right, channel all that anger into that TV. Who are you angry with, Yongbokkie? Who are you picturing right now?"

CLINK "I'm mad at Y/n noona," CLINK "for dying." CLINK "I'm mad at myself," CLINK "for being mad at her for that." CLINK "I'm mad at that fucking bastard," CLINK "for taking her away from us." CLINK "And I'm fucking pissed off at you," CLINK "for abandoning me--abandoning all of us when we needed you most." CRASH

Minho stands there quietly as Felix repeatedly hits the TV. The glass, now shattered, litters the floor. Pieces of plastic and tiny bits of metal fly across the room as Felix lets out months' worth of frustration and anger. On one hand, Minho feels relieved that his plan is working. On the other hand, he feels guilty for playing a part in Felix's anger.

SMASH

Felix delivers one final blow to the TV before dropping the bat to the floor. Minho tenses up, not sure what Felix's next moves are. He just leveled a television, who knows what he could do next?

"AHH!" Felix's pained scream of frustration reverberates around the room. He quickly pulls off his goggles, mask, and hood. His face is red, splotchy, and wet. His eyes, filled with tears, find Minho's worried ones.

Minho relaxes, dropping his sledgehammer, as Felix makes his way over to him. Felix doesn't hesitate to throw himself into Minho's arms. His body shakes as he lets out loud, pained sobs. All Minho can do is wrap his arms around Felix and rub his back.

"I'm sorry," Minho whispers, his heart aching at the thought of being the reason why his friends are all in pain.

"N-none...of this is fair." Felix hiccups.

"I know,"

"Why her? Why now?"

"I know,"

"And that demented fuck is just, out there. He killed her in broad fucking daylight and they can't find him?"

"I know. Believe me, I know."

"Why aren't you angry?" Felix asks as he pulls away from Minho.

"You don't think I'm angry?" Minho blinks, "That I don't wake up every day, cursing god or whoever the fuck is out there because I'm still here and she's gone? When she had so much to live for? So many people who needed her--who still need her? She practically killed herself for 21 years so she could accomplish all of her dreams, and for what? For her to finally get what she wants and then--" Minho quickly picks his sledgehammer back up and walks to the other side of the room.

CRASH

CRACK

SMASH

As Minho destroys various props in the room, Felix quickly puts his protective gear back on. He watches quietly as Minho destroys plates, glass bottles, an old laptop--anything and everything that gets in his way. Minho's pent-up and unbridled rage finally being released and it feels cathartic.

A few minutes go by before Minho finally stops. Panting, he drops the sledgehammer and pulls off his safety gear. His face mirrored Felix's face from earlier: red, splotchy, and wet.

"Not a single day goes by where I don't think about how I would trade my life in a heartbeat for hers. Or how I want to find that bastard and do to him what he did to her. But I can't. I'm falling apart in so many other ways, I can't let rage consume me too."

"Hyung," Felix calls softly.

"And I know that's what you're doing."

"...Letting...my rage consume me?"

"No," Minho shakes his head, "You're going to that mall every chance you get so you can find him and even the score."

"I'm not--"

"It's not going to bring her back, Yongbok."

"I know but--"

"Look at me," Minho walks over to the younger man and puts his hands on his shoulders, "She's not coming back."

"I know, I just--It's not fair."

"I know," Minho pulls Felix in for another hug.

"And it's not fair for me to be mad at you. If anything we should be--"

"Yongbok, shut up. Okay? You were right, you guys needed me and I wasn't there." Minho pulls away and places a hand on Felix's head, petting him.

"We still need you. I think Seungmin needs you the most right now." Felix sighs.

"He's that bad?"

"I think both him and In are doing bad, but Seungmin is...he's fucked up. I mean, I would be too if Y/n had...y'know...in my arms. And his screams-- I'd rather hear my parents screaming at each other again than that. Hyunjin slips him sleeping pills sometimes so he can sleep but I don't think that's helping much. The only time I see him out of his room is when Hyunjin or Ma-Ri manages to convince him to at least take a shower. Or when he has to use the bathroom. But, he's like a zombie. Doesn't really talk much either. It's scary. I'm scared that he's gonna--" Felix presses his lips together, not allowing himself to finish his thought.

"And Jeongin?" Minho tries to change the subject.

"He's just in denial about it. He didn't technically see anything so I think he's pretending that everything is okay. You know, he sat outside the whole funeral? Refused to come in. I think he's pretending that noona is in Japan or on a trip or something."

An idea immediately pops into his head. He knows he needs to fix it, to fix his family the best he can without you. Would you have come up with a better idea? Maybe. But his idea is a start, and that's all he needs.

"I have an idea,"

***

"This is a shit idea," Hyunjin whispers from the middle row, loud enough for Minho to hear him.

Minho glares at Hyunjin in the rearview mirror before his eyes shift over to the last row where Seungmin and Jeongin are sitting. Seungmin's head is leaning against the window, headphones in. Jeongin has been looking down, probably at his phone, the entire car ride. How he convinced the two of them to get in, in the first place is a mystery itself.

"Hyun, shut up." Ma-Ri turns around, smacking the younger man before turning back in her seat.

"What the fuck are we doing here?" Seungmin asks, looking out the window.

Minho's stupid idea is one that both Ma-Ri and Felix thought would work. At least in Jeongin's case. They're parked in the cemetery, not too far from where you are. The three of them agreed that making Jeongin see your grave might make him come to terms with your death. And if this little trip could help Seungmin in any way, then they would feel a little better. Hyunjin thinks the whole idea is bad and the only reason why he tagged along is to keep an eye on the two youngest members of the group.

"Listen--" Minho starts.

"Absolutely fucking not," Seungmin protests, leaning back into his seat.

"Why are we at a cemetery?" Jeongin asks innocently.

Everyone, including Seungmin, holds their breath unsure of what to say. Their eyes helplessly find Minho, watching to see what his next move is going to be.

"We're here to...see Y/n," Minho hesitates.

"Y/n noona is here?" He asks again.

"Fucking told you this was a shit idea,"

"Hyunjin!"

"What?"

Felix shifts uncomfortably in his seat, not liking the tension in the car. Hyunjin has an amused look on his face, ready to scream "I told you so!" Seungmin tries to look everywhere but forward. Ma-Ri glares at Hyunjin. Both Minho and Ma-Ri can't help but look at Jeongin.

"...Yeah," Minho finally answers. Seungmin can't help but let out a sarcastic laugh.

None of this is going well. After the rage room, Felix and Minho talked about how they could help the youngest two of the group. And when they settled with something they decided to let Hyunjin and Ma-Ri in on the plan. Ma-Ri was apprehensive at first. Ambusing Seungmin and Jeongin into dealing with your death was risky. But at this point, it's a risk she's willing to take. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was more reluctant to agree. In the end, he only agreed because he knew someone would have to do damage control.

"So glad I left the apartment for this," Seungmin grumbles.

"Can...can I stay here?" Jeongin's voice is small. None of them have ever heard him so quiet. It made them feel bad for what they were going to do.

"Just five minutes. Okay? Come with us for five minutes and...and if you still don't want to be here you can come back to the car." Ma-Ri pleads. She knows that bringing them here wasn't the best idea, but it's the best they can do.

"No," He shakes his head, tears beginning to rim his eyes.

"Jeongin," Minho says sternly.

"I-I don't want to,"

"In--" Felix starts.

"Please d-don't make me," His voice cracks.

Instantly feeling regret, the older members of the group sigh. They knew they shouldn't have brought him before he was ready. But they were helping, praying even, that he would be ready by the time they got there.

"Seungmin?" Ma-Ri asks, hopeful that she could help at least one of her friends.

"Fuck off," He whispers, pulling his hood over his head.

Felix, Minho, and Ma-Ri share a look of defeat and regret before silently agreeing to drop it. The car is quiet as the older ones debate what to do. Finally, Minho shuts off the car.

"I'm going to go pay my respects to Y/n for a little bit. Whoever wants to, come with. The rest of you just relax back here for a little bit." He sighs before exiting the car. He opens Felix's door, putting his hand out for the flowers that Felix cradles close to his chest.

"I'll come with," Felix says quietly, still holding onto the flowers.

Ma-Ri and Hyunjin also file out of the car, leaving Jeongin and Seungmin alone. The four of them quietly walk to where you are buried. Any argument they have is left in the car.

When they get to your grave, they find dried-out flowers from whoever visited you last and burnt-out candles. A coin sits in the middle an offering would go. Staff members often replace the food offering with a coin to deter wild animals from coming and filling the cemetery.

"Hey, jagia. I brought some friends this time." Minho says softly.

Minho wastes no time getting to work, removing the dead flowers. Hyunjin helps him by grabbing what's left of the candles and scrapping the wax off. Felix fiddles with the flowers he brought from the car, making sure they're decent and surviving well. Ma-Ri pulls out a bottle of soju and a few candles from her bag.

"Noona, your boyfriend is dumb as fuck," Hyunjin says suddenly.

"Hyun," Ma-Ri warns.

"It's true."

"No arguing," Felix hums, adding the new flowers.

The four of them quietly finish preparing everything. Not wanting to argue in front of you anymore. Once they're done, the four of them sit down. They each pour a little bit of the soju on the grave and talk to you silently. Each with a different story of what's currently going on in their lives or a memory that they want to bring up.

They're there for a while. None of them want to cut off the time from the rest of the group. The air is cool, cooler than it should be for this time of year. There's a slight breeze that threatens to blow out your candles but doesn't. Wind chimes dangle in the distance, probably decorations from other graves.

It's a bittersweet moment. Minho and Felix visit you often but Hyunjin and Ma-Ri rarely do, they never wanted to come alone. For even part of the group to be there is comforting enough for them.

After a few minutes, Jeongin and Seungmin quietly walk up and sandwich themselves in between Ma-Ri and Felix. The four older members of the group all share a feeling of relief that the youngest two made their way over.

The only sound that can be heard now is Jeongin's sniffling. Ma-Ri wraps him in a hug, rubbing his back to comfort him. Felix places his hand face up, silently letting Seungmin that it's there for him if he wants it. And much to Felix's relief, he takes it. Hyunjin passes them the soju bottle so they can also pour a bit out over your grave, and they do.

Jeongin only cries harder as time goes on. Ma-Ri digs into her bag and pulls out a granola bar. She unwraps it and hands it to Jeongin, who takes it and shoves the whole thing in his mouth. Seungmin lets out a small chuckle, remembering something.

"What's so funny?" Hyunjin asks, smiling at the fact that this is the first time in months that Seungmin genuinely laughed.

"It's, uh, nothing," He says calmly.

"C'mon, share with the class Seungminnie." Ma-Ri pokes his side.

"Fine, it's just that...that day...when Y/n noona was...she said 'tell Innie to slow down when he eats, nobody is going to take his food from him.'" He explains.

"She did not, you're making that up," Jeongin says after swallowing the granola bar.

"Why would I lie about that?" Seungmin asks seriously.

"Because why would she be thinking that?" Jeongin argues back.

"She also told me to tell you that it's not the end of the world if your voice cracks while you sing, dumbass." He hits him with his knee.

"Yeah, that's something noona would say."

"I tell you that all the time, you punk." Ma-Ri flicks his forehead.

"What else did she say?" Hyunjin asks quietly.

"She said that you and Lix are going to burn yourselves out if you keep spending all your free time in the practice rooms and that you need to stop."

"Of course she did," Hyunjin groans.

"What'd she stay for me?" Ma-Ri asks, eager for your sage wisdom one last time.

"You're going to think I'm lying."

"Try me,"

"She said that if you want a girlfriend you're going to have to start talking to girls."

"Wha--Hey, why did she leave you guys nice messages, and I get roasted? Hey, Y/n, do you hear me? Not cool!" Everyone laughs at Ma-Ri's outbursts.

"If it makes you feel better, she said she'd haunt me if I blamed myself. And she is a woman of her word." He mumbles that last part.

"Seungmin, it's not your fault," Minho says, breaking his silence.

"I know it's not, logically. But realistically--"

"Did you know that any of that was going to happen? Did you plan it? Did you put her in front of that guy? Did you give him the knife?" Minho asks.

The others fall silent as Seungmin freezes for a second, taken aback.

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous."

"Then how could it be your fault?"

Seungmin's blood turns cold. He's spent the past couple of months blaming himself. If he hadn't asked to get driven to the mall. If he didn't ask to go as early as they did. If he had noticed sooner that you weren't walking behind him anymore. If only he paid attention, then maybe, just maybe, you'd still be there with them. But not once did he think about it in the way that Minho did.

"B-because," Tears fall out of Seungmin's eyes as his words fall short. Just like that, he couldn't find another reason to justify blaming himself. All of his reasons no longer made sense.

"She needed to go shopping anyway. For all we know, it still could have happened. The only difference is that she didn't die alone."

Silence washes over them again as they take in everything. Minho was right, it could have happened anyway, but at least you weren't alone.

"She's sorry," Seungmin whispers.

"What?" Felix asks, worried that Seungin could suddenly communicate with you.

"She said that she was sorry and that she never wanted to leave you. That she was in love with you." Seungmin's eyes are locked on Minho, who is now having trouble looking at him.

"Idiot," He mumbles, "Even while she was dying she was thinking about us."

"Of course, she would. That's just who she is--was. She's the best of us." Hyunjin adds.

"I only knew her for a little less than a year but in that short amount of time, she made me feel so welcome. Like I was her little brother."

"You were like a little brother to her. She said that we're her family. And that she loves us a lot."

"She really covered her bases," Felix adds.

Again, silence surrounds the group. They spent more time than they were planning, but all of them are glad for it. Their shoulders feeling significantly lighter than when first arrived. Seungmin and Jeongin aren't cured, but they're well on their way.

"Hey hyung," Felix suddenly speaks, "what did you do with the ring?"

"Ring?" Ma-Ri asks. She wasn't in the original group chat and it never felt like the right time to bring it up afterward.

"He had Lix and I go with him shopping for a promise ring," Hyunjin explains.

"Oh, shit," Ma-Ri breathes.

Minho silently pulls up the leather chain around his neck. At the end of the necklace, there is a completed scallop shell. His half and your half that he carefully put together. He gently pulls the two halves of the shell apart to reveal your unpromised, promise ring.

"She's always with me."

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @aaasia111 @weird-bookworm @allaboutyej8 @kangaracharacha @lilcutieana @jungkookies1002 @lanatheawesome @hanniemylovelyquokka @jiisungllvr @marked-unknown @kitheat @spearb-99 @chlodavids @veedoesntknaur @yongbbokkie @warlockwithoutcharisma @fennecnco @aslou @babygirlsuna @jihanlovic @kalopsian-thoughts @reianagarcia @sunshinessky @brain-empty-only-draken @f9clementine @jaydebow @phtogravi @mal-lunar-28 @jhstayy

#skz #stray kids smau #lee minho #minho #lee know #this broke me

189 notes · View notes

starzyviolet · 23 days ago

Text

gnab

genre: gnab, gnab, gnab

pov: gnab

description: gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

pairing: gnab x gnab

warnings: gnab, gnab, gnab, gnab, gnab, gnab, gnab

gnab count: 2,714

☀️Feelbokkie M.list ☀️

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"GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab...gnab gnab gnab Gnab $120 gnab." Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

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Gnabp

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"Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab? GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab." Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

“Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.”

“Gnab gnab gnab gnab, GNAB gnab gnab Gnab gnab gnab gnab.”

Gnab, gnab

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“Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab…?”

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“Gnab gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab.” Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

“GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab.” Gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

gnab

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab, gnab gnab means Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab, Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

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"Gnab--" Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab.

Gnab gnab gnab: gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

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"Gnab, Gnab gnab gnab gnab--"

"Gnab, GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab 'gnab,' GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab,"

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab Gnab. Gnab Gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab.

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"Gnab gnab gnab gnab?" Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab." Gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab gnab gnab,"

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Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

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Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab--"

"--GNAB gnab,"

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab?" Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"GNAB--GNAB--" Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab. Gnab.

"Gnab Gnab Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab?" Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab--

"...gnab gnab gnab," Gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

"Gna...gnab?" Gnab gnab, Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

"GNAB gnab, 'Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.'" Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

"Gnab, GNAB gnab gnab," Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab. Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. "GNAB gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab?"

Gnab.

"GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab."

Gnab. Gnab.

"Gnab gnab?"

Gnab. Gnab. Gnab.

"GNAB gnab gnab,"

Gnab.

"Gnab gnab gnab?"

Gnab. Gnab.

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab?" Gnab gnab.

"Gnab gnab? Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab? Gnab gnab? Gnab?" Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab, gnab, GNAB gnab--" Gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab gnab gnab--Gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab." Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab gnab gnab--"

"Gnab, Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, Gnab! Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab-gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB. Gnab. Gnab."

"GNAB gnab gnab, Gnab. GNAB gnab, gnab. GNAB gnab--" Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB--" Gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab.

"Gnab! Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab! Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab!"

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab! Gnab," Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"GNAB gnab--"

"Gnab gnab gnab? Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab? Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab."

"Gnab gnab gnab...?" Gnab gnab.

"GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab," Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab. "Gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab?"

"Gnab...gnab," Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. "GNAB...gnab gnab...gnab gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab. Gnab, gnab, gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab."

"Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab?"

"Gnab gnab, Gnab gnab--"

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab?"

"GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB gnab gnab. GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab, gnab gnab gnab."

"Gnab. Gnab,"

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab? Gnab gnab none gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab?"

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab." Gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab. GNAB gnab GNAB gnab gnab, gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab."

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab," Gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, "GNAB gnab gnab. GNAB gnab. GNAB gnab gnab gnab. Gnab, GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, Gnab. Gnab GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab-gnab gnab gnab gnab--"

Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab--gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab--gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab, GNAB gnab--" Gnab, gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"--Gnab gnab gnab gnab, GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab." Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab Gnab.

"Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab, gnab,"

"GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab, GNAB gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab...gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab...gnab."

"Gnab gnab gnab gnab," Gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab." Gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab gnab gnab Gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab "gnab gnab" gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab-gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

Gnab, Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab.

"Gnab, Gnab," Gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab, gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab gnab. "GNAB gnab gnab,"

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Permanent Taglist (open)

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyysfics @berryblog @jaydebow @junebug032 @boiohboii

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#gnab

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starzyviolet · 1 month ago

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/ᐠ > ˕ <マ ₊˚⊹♡

slowly falling in love with leeknow !!

a/n: add sporbie to the list of weird pet names via has come up with for these smaus !!!!

fake text m.list ☁︎⋅

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starzyviolet · 1 month ago

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i have no money to afford my medication and im sincerely embarrassed to be asking for help here but i really need this medication. the last time i couldn’t afford to buy it, i ended up hospitalised and i really don’t want that to happen again. if you have anything to spare at all, i would really appreciate it. thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading!

#boost #straykids #kpop #blackpink

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starzyviolet · 1 month ago

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Lost In Translation (Pt. 2) - Lee Know

summary: your growing friendship brings happiness, but he's scared and pulls back

pairing: lee know x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

a/n: used google translate for the korean phases (please pardon any mistakes)

Part 1

Part 3 (coming soon)

~°~

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starzyviolet · 2 months ago

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Sweethearts

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Thank u @velvetmoonlght for this suggestion I love it 😍 I would say this could be read as connected to my other bestie Felix texts but doesn’t have to be!

Taglist: @velvetmoonlght @my-neurodivergent-world

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starzyviolet · 2 months ago

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AHH gigglin kickin my feet an shii

you could call me babe for the weekend

chapter five: was it?

wc: 4.6k

cw: smut (wrap it before you tap it guys)! don’t interact if you’re a minor!!!!

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a/n: please make sure you read the author’s note at the end of the story, after reading the chapter

you were sure you hadn’t heard him right. that at some point you must have fallen asleep and this was all a dream. that chan was not really there, in the middle of your apartment. that you two hadn’t almost completely fallen apart and that he hadn’t said that he loved you.

you were sure this was not happening.

“wh-what?”, you blinked trying to make some sense of what was happening because it all felt surreal

chan closed his eyes and turned around, like trying to distance himself from the moment. from your apartment. from you.

you could see how he had lowered his head and was shaking it. like he could not comprehend what was happening.

neither did you.

“chris”, you stepped closer to him, “what did you say?”

he turned around again and you saw it. you saw everything.

you saw the tears in his eyes. how tired he was. of what? you didn’t know.

you could see how defeated he felt, like he had been in a battle and he had raised the white flag. he had surrendered, he was protecting himself of further pain.

he couldn’t do this anymore.

he let out a tired laugh, “do you ever get tired of pretending?”, he said, his voice low

your heart stuttered, “pretending what?”

“this”, he gestured towards the space between the two of you, “us”

silence. a beat too long.

“i can’t do this anymore, i’m sorry”, he raised his head and you saw the tears threatening to fall, “i can’t keep acting like it doesn’t matter. like you don’t matter. like i don’t feel anything for you that’s not platonic friendship. i can’t keep pretending that i don’t think about you all the time and that everything i do is for you. every song i write. every thought that i have revolves around you. or when i’m at the studio and my phone lights up and i hope that it’s you looking for me. or when i’m at home hoping you’ll walk in at any moment because y/n that’s all i ever do”

you were breathless now. you could feel your heart beating so fast you thought it was going to come out of your chest and fall right into his hands.

the place where it actually belonged.

“i know we said we’re friends”, you saw a sad smile on his face, the exact one you had mere minutes ago, “but that’s not what this is. at least not for me and… it has never been”

he rubbed his temple and ran his hands through his hair, trying to come up with the right words because he felt like all your friendship had come to this. he could lose you if he didn’t choose the right words.

the tightrope was in a critical condition on the floor, but maybe he could climb up again and try to cross it. hopefully with you.

he sighed again and looked at you. really looked at you.

this was it.

“i’ve been in love with you since the very first moment i saw you. since the first time i saw you walking into the room and lighting everything up with your smile. with your laugh. and then you stopped right in front of me, introduced yourself and i knew i was gone then. i still am”

he swallowed, slow. his eyes fell to the floor, while he shook his head again trying to come up with the right words, and then he looked at you again.

“i thought i had come to terms with the fact that we would never be together, and i thought i was fine with that. i honestly thought i was okay. but when you came up with the trip and the fake relationship and all that, i decided that i was going to be selfish. for once in my life. just this one time. i knew that i couldn’t have you in real life. but if my only opportunity to be with you was in a fake relationship for a weekend, i was fucking sure i was going to take it”, he closed his eyes and sighed again, “it turns out i’m still not over you”

the silence between you felt heavier than ever. none of you knew how to continue from that. the moment felt incredibly delicate, almost fragile. you were scared to even breathe.

“i-i didn’t know you felt like that”, you stepped closer to him again

he choked on a sad laugh. the first tears fell then, “because i never said anything”, he smiled sadly, “that call the other day, what you’ve told me, that was the only thing you heard, right?”

you nodded, “i didn’t want you to find out i had heard you and i honestly couldn’t be there listening anymore, so i left after you said well… that”

he ran his hands through his hair again, a bit frustrated - at himself - this time, “i get it, i really do. but you didn’t hear the rest of the call. you didn’t hear what i told changbin then”

you looked at him and his face showed you everything you both were feeling. fear. hope. honesty. everything tangled up together.

“what did you tell him?”

he walked closer to you this time, still leaving space between the two of you to not make you uncomfortable.

“that we could never be together because you deserve someone better than me. that i’m the one not worthy of being in this relationship. us not working would be because of me. not because of you. never you”

you were lost for words. confused. you didn’t understand what he was trying to say.

someone better than him? was that even possible? you doubted it.

“chris, i honestly don’t get it, i-“

“you deserve someone that can give you everything you want. the entire world. someone that can be there for you whenever you want him to be. someone that isn’t working all day and night and that doesn’t leave you for weeks or even months to go to the other side of the world and leaves you here alone”, the tears were still falling down his face, harder this time, and you just wanted to reach out and kiss them away, “you have no idea how much i’ve always hoped and dreamt to be that person for you, but unfortunately i’m not, i-i can’t be-” he was choking on his own tears now

“what do you mean you’re not chris? no one treats me better than you do”, you crossed the space between you and grabbed his head with your hands to make him look at you

he had his eyes closed, he was shaking his head, “chris, chris, please, look at me”, you pleaded him

he opened his eyes and saw how yours were exactly like his. full of tears, showing all of your emotions, showing how vulnerable and exposed you were at that moment.

it was now or never.

“i don’t want that person you’re describing, i’ve never wanted that person. i only want you. i only need you”

he gasped. he swore his heart stopped beating, “what? you do?”

it was your turn to choke on your own tears, “of course i do, chris. i’ve been in love with you since forever, but i thought you would never feel the same way about me, so i never said anything. i was scared of losing you”

he closed the space between you even more, putting his forehead on yours. you could feel you heart stuttering once again.

“you will never lose me, you heard me? never”, he told you while closing his eyes

you smiled softly at him, feeling your tears continuing to fall down your face, “you will never lose me either”

he opened his eyes only to find you already looking at him.

“chris, this weekend has made me realise that i don’t want us to only be friends anymore. i can’t do that anymore. i can’t continue pretending not to be completely in love with you. the only person that i want to be with is you, and i hope you want to be with me”, even though he had just confessed his feelings for you, had told you how in love with you he had been and still is, you couldn’t help but leave your vulnerability out in the open. at the end, this was going to change everything.

you only hoped it would be for the best.

chan saw your eyes, full of tears and hope and fear.

and that’s all it took.

he put his hands on yours waist and kissed you. he kissed you like he had been holding it in for years. like he had dreamt of this moment every day since you first met. like this was all that he could ever ask for. like every lyric, thought, wish, were only about you. only you. like he hadn’t fully existed until now.

you kissed him like your life hadn’t even started until this point. like you had begged, looking at the sky for him. like everything you could see, hear and feel was him. like everything you needed was him, his arms around you and his lips in yours.

he pulled away, just enough to whisper against your lips, “i love you”

“i love you too”, and with that, you kissed him again

one of his arms moved to place his hand on your cheek. your hands - that were still holding his face against yours - moved to his hair, trying to pull him closer to you, even if that was impossible. your bodies were so close together it was impossible to know where one began and the other ended. you were just one, as if it was meant to be this way.

one kiss led to another. and another. and another. your hands were tracing different parts of your bodies, as if they were learning the other in a new way. a more intimate and delicate way.

“stay”, you told him against his lips, “stay with me please”

“always”

he made you jump and put your legs around his waist. he moved the both of you to your bedroom, slowly, like you had all the time in the world. because now, you did.

he closed the door behind him and walked towards your bed. he placed you on your back on your bed, delicately, like you would break if he didn’t do it slowly. like you were the most delicate treasure he had the honor of protecting now.

he placed himself on top of you and slid his hands underneath your shirt. you felt his fingertips brushing your skin, tracing every part he could find, memorising every inch of you. you did the same. your hands moved from his hair to his neck, to his jaw, any place you could reach. trying to anchor yourself to this moment. to him.

“you have no idea how long i’ve dreamt of this”, he mumbled against yours lips

“me too”, you opened your eyes only to find him looking at you. you both smiled putting your foreheads together once again, like you both couldn’t believe this was finally happening.

“is this okay?”, he asked you quietly

you nodded, “yes”

he kissed you again, deeply, more passionate this time. he moved his lips down your neck, exploring, learning, holding you. his palms pressed against your back, pulling you closer to him. you clutched his shirt, trying to take it off of him. he helped you and got rid of it.

he then did the same with yours. he lifted your shirt, while checking your face for any sign of hesitation. when he found none, he took it off completely and moved his lips to your collarbone, marking you there.

“chris…”, you moaned his name, grabbing his hair once again, pulling him closer, arching your back towards him

“fuck… you’re so beautiful, love, so beautiful”, he moved his lips to the other side, kissing the curve of your shoulder, moving his lips to your ear. you moved your head to give him more space.

you could feel yourself trembling. he was too. the moment too delicate and beautiful. he was nervous, and so were you.

you moved your head, looking for his lips. he kissed you pouring everything in the kiss.

all the i love yous.

all the i need yous.

all the i want yous.

you didn’t know where you got the strength from, but you pushed him on his back and got on top of him. he let out a surprised gasp, a gasp that was quickly silenced by you, kissing him again.

your hands were everywhere. his chest, his pecs, his arms. his hands were on your waist, on your back, on your hips. you were learning each other, but also appreciating. adoring. admiring.

his hands reached your bra, “can i?”, you nodded

you felt your bra falling somewhere in your room, and his hands on your chest. your lips were on his neck, where you found his soft spot. he groaned, clutching at your skin.

“y/n”, he moaned against your ear

you looked at him and he captured your lips in a kiss, the type of kiss that showed how enamoured you were, the type of kiss that showed how long you both had waited for this.

when you broke the kiss, you moved down his body, leaving kisses everywhere that your lips could find. once you reached his waist, you looked at him, making sure he was fine to continue.

when he nodded, you got rid of his pants and underwear at the same time. once you freed his member, you took it in your hands, slowly moving up and down, smearing the pre-cum that was already on his tip.

“shit… just like that baby please”, he involuntarily pushed his hips towards your hands, while you used your free hand to grab his thigh.

he couldn’t stop moving and you couldn’t help but feel powerful from the sight, he was like this because of you. his hands were everywhere, his hair, his eyes, the bedsheet. he was trying to hold on to you, but you were too far.

you were going to help him.

you lowered your head, and took him in your mouth, “y/n”, he moaned even louder and you saw his jaw tightening. he moved his hands to your head, grabbing your hair with his hands, “i-i’m already close, i’m not going to last very long”, you could hear his breathing quickening

“it’s okay, i’ve got you”, you took him in your mouth again, using your hand on the parts that you couldn’t reach

he swore he had never felt as good as in that moment. he felt his climax almost there, and he wasn’t able to hold it anymore, “baby, i-i”

“let it go baby, i got you”, and that’s all it took

you felt him spilling in your mouth and you swallowed everything. he felt like he had been spiralling and was slowly regaining consciousness. you held him through all of it, making sure he was okay, before you moved any further.

once you saw his breathing becoming more steady, you let go of him and moved up his body, leaving kisses again. you kissed his jaw and he grabbed your face to pull your lips towards him. he moaned into your mouth.

when you broke the kiss, you saw him looking at you, with a look of incredulity on his face.

“what?”, you laughed at him

“nothing you just… you just gave me the most mind blowing orgasm of my life and you’re here, looking like an angel sent from heaven, honestly did it hurt when you fell from there? i’m pretty sure it did”

“chris, stop it”, you hit his chest while the both of you laughed together

the laughs softly stopped and he moved the both of you again, placing you on your back once more. he kissed you slowly, while his hands went slower until they found your breast.

you moaned against his mouth, a whine that he swallowed with his lips. his lips went from your mouth, to your neck, to your collarbone until they found your breasts.

he softly bit one of your nipples while he used his fingers on the other. you let out a broken breath, arching your back towards him, trying to entangle your bodies together. you needed him closer, this wasn’t enough.

he swapped places, making sure each breast received the same attention.

“chris, please…”, you said

“patience baby, we have all the time in the world”

he moved his lips slower, until they found the waistband of your pants. he asked you permission to lower them and once you agreed, they were gone.

his eyes were on yours the entire time. you both felt like the only people in the world, like nothing else mattered or even existed. that’s how chris made you feel like.

he dragged his hands up your thighs, spreading your legs open, so he would have enough space between them. he put his lips on one of your knees, tracing kisses from there up to your thigh.

you couldn’t stop moving, so he placed both of his arms on your waist, trying to stop you.

“don’t tease me please”

“i’m not, i’m just admiring you, my love”, he said while he moved to the other leg to do the same thing

you could feel yourself dripping for him, needing him more and more.

just when you were about to beg, you felt his fingers, tracing your folds, slow and teasing. you back arched one more time.

“baby, you’re dripping, shit, you’re so beautiful”, he told you, closer to where you needed him the most.

you whined, your hips twitching, “chris…”

“i know”, he kissed the inside of your thigh, “i’ve got you”

and just like that, he kissed you there. he wrapped his lips around your clit, at the same time you felt one of his fingers entering you.

“chris”, you almost yelled, your hands going instantly to his hair, to pull him closer, to pull him away, to ground yourself, you didn’t know for what exactly. you weren’t in control of your body. this was all him.

he stroked you slowly, slipping another finger inside, curling them just right. his lips weren’t just kissing you, they were venerating you, learning and memorising all the right places that made you lose control and fall apart for him.

“i-i can’t, this… too much”, you weren’t even sure what you were saying at this point

“i know baby, i’m here for you”, he moved away just enough so that you could feel his lips brushing you with every word he said.

you felt on the edge, you were just about to fall. but you knew chris was going to be there to pick you up. a sweet landing.

“i’m close chris, i-“

“let it go baby, i’m here”

and with one last kiss and his fingers hitting the right places one more time, you let go. you let yourself fall into chan’s mouth and fingers. you weren’t losing control, you were passing it to him.

he held you through it all, making sure you were alright all the time.

once he made sure you were fine, he licked his fingers and moved to kiss your forehead, “you with me?”, he asked you while he traced your cheek delicately

“yeah, all good”, you let out a soft and tired smile, he swore he felt his heart exploding from the look on your face - in a good way this time.

you blinked, in a daze. he kissed you slow and softly, and then gently moved his body so he was between your legs. he didn’t rush anything, he just laid there, kissing you.

you moved your hands to grab his shoulders, leaving some marks that you were sure would be there the next morning. his hands didn’t leave your face, his lips never leaving yours.

“do you have any condoms?”, he asked you

“in the drawer”, you felt him reaching for them, and then putting one on

you brought his face to yours and kissed him this time. you could already tell that you would never get tired of kissing him. luckily, he felt the same about you.

“you sure you want this?”, he asks you one more time, looking at you again, to make sure you were telling him the truth

“yes chris, i want you”

he swore under his breath, closing his eyes for a second, letting his forehead fall against yours, “you have no idea how many times i’ve dreamt about this… about you”, he told you while kissing you again

“me too, i’ve dreamt about you for so long”, you grabbed his back now, pulling him closer to you, feeling his member close to your entrance.

he gripped himself in one hand, lining himself up at your entrance. this was it. the moment you two had dreamt of.

then, he’s doing it, slowly, carefully, trying not to hurt you. he’s slowly pushing himself inside you, giving you all the time you needed to get used to him.

“oh my god”, you gasped against his lips, “chris-“

“shhh”, he soothed you, putting his forehead against yours one more time, “i know, baby, i know”

he pushed himself in more, slowly, “you’re doing so good baby, just like that. that’s it”

you felt like you couldn’t breathe. like you couldn’t form any words. a good type of suffocation.

you felt yourself stretching around him, both of your legs trembling as he filled you. you could feel how he was holding himself back. he moved his hands to your hips, trying to ground himself to you. he was completely inside now.

“you okay?, he whispered against your lips, his voice breaking

“never better”, you looked at him and felt some tears falling from your face

“hey, is there something wrong? did i hurt you?”, he instantly got scared, thinking he may have done something wrong, he may have hurt you. he got ready to move away from you.

you grabbed his back again, pushing him towards you while you shook your head, “no no, i’m fine, it’s just… i’m really happy right now”

you looked at him, with the brightest and most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his life. he couldn’t help but let some tears fall as well, and smile at you the same way.

“i’m really happy too”, you kissed again, feeling the tears of the other, falling down both your faces. soft, sweet, desperate.

you moved your hips slowly, finally ready and used to his size. he started moving again, making sure he hit all the right places he had memorised before.

“that’s it”, he breathed against your mouth, “my good girl”

“i’m yours chris,” you moaned against his lips

“fuck… and i’m yours too, baby”, his movements started gaining speed

you sobbed into his mouth, your nails scratching down his shoulders and back. his hands were everywhere now, one of them placing both of your legs around his waist, the new position making him go deeper.

“shit, chris, just like that”, you felt yourself losing control one more time, but it was just as sweet and safe as the first time

he kept talking and praising you, you did the same. whispering between kisses, moaning into each other’s mouths. showing how much you loved each other. saying i love you at any chance you could.

you needed each other, you couldn’t take it any more.

“you are everything i’ve ever wanted”

“i don’t want to be apart from you ever again”

you both were close. he reached between the two of you, and rubbed your clit in tight circles, making you cry out for him. you clenched around him, making you both almost completely lose it.

“chris i-i can’t… i’m so close”

“i know baby, me too”

he kept thrusting into you, making you both reach the point of no return.

“so good for me… let it go baby, i got you, i’m with you”

your body snapped. you clenched around him, pushing him over the edge with you. he gasped your name, you moaned his. you both let out broken moans and whines against each others mouths. he held you tight, as his hips came to a stop. he fell forward into your chest, you placed his head there while tracing your fingers in his hair. both of your breathing unstable, trying to regain it. your eyes squeezed shut.

you both were sweating and shaking, with your arms wrapped around each other, like you were afraid of letting the other go. your lips brushed his temple, he hugged you tighter against him.

“you okay?”, you heard him whispering

you nodded, burying your face in his hair, smiling, “more than okay, and you?”

he looked at you, with a smile on his face, “never better”

“good because, that was… intense”, you both laughed

“yeah, it was”, he looked at you, with the sweetest look on his face you had ever seen and kissed you again.

he kissed you slowly. full of everything he hadn’t said until now, but knew he had the rest of his life to say.

promises of your future together.

your life together.

he leant his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering closed.

“i want to stay with you, tonight and forever”, he told you

“i wasn’t going to let you go anywhere”

you don’t remember falling asleep. after you both had gone to the bathroom and cleaned yourselves, you went back to bed, and laid there in each other’s arms. at some point the two of you must have fallen asleep, entangled in each other’s bodies. like you had always dreamt of.

you saw the rays of sunshine sneaking in your bedroom, the early morning waking you up. you felt chan’s arm around you, and you couldn’t help but let a smile on your face.

he must have been already awake and sensed you moving, because he pulled you closer to his chest and kissed your shoulder, “morning, love, did you sleep well?”

you turned around to face him, “never better, and you?”

“really good, thank you”, he said while leaving a kiss on your forehead

you pulled his head towards yours and kissed him, morning breath and all that long forgotten.

you felt him deepening the kiss, curling his arms around you even tighter. you grabbed his neck, pulling him towards you even more.

you pulled apart to breathe, but even then you didn’t stay from form each other, putting your foreheads together.

you opened your eyes and smiled at each other. he let out a soft laugh against your lips and smiled softly again.

“what?”, you asked him

“nothing it’s just… i’ve just realised what i’m wearing”, he told you while bitting his lips

you frowned looking at him confused, because none of you were wearing anything.

“what are you wearing?”

“the smile that you gave me”

“oh for fuck’s sake, chris”

you let your head fall against his chest, while he kissed the top of your head and the two of you laughed.

it was crazy to think everything that had happened in the past two weeks.

you had been really close to losing each other, but now you had everything you had ever wanted and more. and you would never change it for anything in the world.

“chris, was it?”, you asked him quietly

“was it what?”

“a bad idea?”

he knew what you were referring to. the trip. the lie. all that had happened these past two weeks.

he kissed your forehead and pulled you closer.

“no, it definitely wasn’t”

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chapter 5 is out my loves!!!! if you saw the first post of this story, i’m sure you saw this was the last chapter, however… there’s going to be an epilogue!!!!

to be brutally honest with all of you, this was the ending of the story for me. when i pictured the story in my head, before i wrote it and shared it here, i thought this was going to be the ending and there would be no more story.

however, seeing all your reactions and your love for the story has made me really happy and i’m so thankful to all of you. so, we’re getting a special chapter after this. it’s not going to be as long as these chapters - i think - but it’s my way of saying thanks to all of you for all your love for the story 🩷

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taglist (ask in comments to be added)

you could call me babe for the weekend taglist: @beyunjinnn @emmiesoverthemoon @skzbiasot8 @havennz @hyunjinxxs @reetheratt @heartwithoutaname @ahseyy @hyvneluv @domicaru @annyeongffs @necrozica @lavunyan @0x1lovesong1 @leylaasroom @bluesungology @sleepyzeiff @velvetmoonlght @encoredesires @sammhisphere @we-are-bloody-inspired @straykids4lifeee @xxestxays @4ng3l-ch1ld @geni-627 @how-are-you-not-fine @luvbangchan @btch8008s @the-life-of-stella @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @strsforjsb @n3ha @idiotmaterial @skinnyjeans-tanktops @wolfhallows4 @lyftyyy @infinite-lucid-daydreams @artfairyyyyy @sofix-hc7 @sunflwerstar @lomllino @alifeinthelifeof @sayuri122014 @changbinshearteubeateu @aniski @iamlazychip @beabidoobee @cherie31 @scarletwitchywitchbitch

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