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although tbh he may have been hearing danielle haim because i'm 99% sure i wasn't louder than my music

but idk if that'd make it better or worse

omfg a guest just heard me singing and his comment was “you have a lovely singing voice”

kill me now

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omfg a guest just heard me singing and his comment was "you have a lovely singing voice"

kill me now

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idk why the fuck one of my coworkers thought it'd be better to check a pregnant woman into a smoking room rather than giving them a free upgrade to the only nonsmoking room we had left, but i'm about to have a fight over it because that is some bullshit

i did the free upgrade because this poor lady was having trouble breathing and couldn't even get any sleep because of it

and tbh i can't help but feel like she probably didn't get the upgrade at first because she's a middle eastern muslim woman, because I KNOW that we would've done it immediately for a pregnant christian white lady

like honestly i feel so goddamn bad for this lady, i'm just glad i was here and could move her so she didn't have to spend more than a few hours in the smoking room

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so i spent my entire​ 8 hour shift scared for my life and now i can't sleep but i work again tonight....

jfc can't wait for my days off, this has been a kick in the depression lmao

also my insurance pulled some strings and got me in contact with a supervisor for that billing issue for urgent care (shout out to them for that, because i had been trying for 4 days and nobody would respond to me) and i'm getting the $66 they owe me refunded

but yeah, i'm frustrated. did the math yesterday and i literally make $89.60 per day before taxes and insurance come out, so like??? $66 is a HUGE deal financially, i've been feeling terrified all fucking week that i wouldn't have anything by the time payday finally gets here. and like i'm full time??? $66 should not be a panic inducing loss for someone working 40+ hours a week, but that's capitalism for you.

anyway love y'all and i'm gonna try to go to bed now that i've had a chance to vent. if you wanna know what happened lmk.

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got to work and started my night by having to call the police because there was a couple having a domestic dispute and they wouldn't de-escalate when we told them to, and actually escalated when warned that we would be calling the police if they didn't stop

they escalated to the point that a bystander was seriously concerned that the woman involved was gonna start swinging at my little sister (who is now my coworker along with my mother and they were both on their way out when this exploded)

and listen

i don't care that i was in the lobby and would've had to run up stairs to do it

the bitch would've been leaving in an ambulance if she'd touched my little sister, and i'd probably have been arrested for attempted murder

you don't get to hurt my baby sister without me doing fifty times worse to you

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also intersexist, because equating gender and/or sex to genitals is one of the many ways people harm intersex people on an institutional level

gay men who wont date trans men because they “are not really men” are gross and lesbian women who wont date trans women because they “are not really women” are gross sorry i dont make the rules lmao

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so urgent care fucking sucks (idk if i told y'all about having to go? but i did and almost had a heart attack, good times.) and didn't process my first payment for my bill even though i gave my billing rep my confirmation number and she said she'd enter it into the system

so in addition to the $66 i paid them as the first half of my bill, they charged​ me for the full bill, which is $131, leaving me with less than $40 in my bank account

i emailed them as soon as i got the email receipt, but they charged my card at 5 pm on a friday, so i still haven't heard back almost three days later. basically idk when the fuck they're refunding my money or if they're going to refund the $131 they charged or just the $66 that i had already paid, but i don't get paid until late thursday and i am stressing about having to try and get through this week. i just really fucking hate the american medical system and this fucking urgent care.

next time i'll just go to the goddamn er

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i spoke too soon because WOW i wish death would take me already

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also this office had options to fill in your gender as trans male/female or write in your own!!!!! i kept it as cis girl for now so i can judge the safety of being out to this doctor's office, but that seemed like a really good sign imo!!!

so my new primary care doc put me on a new allergy/asthma control med that’s got the LOVELY side effect of increasing depression/suicidal thoughts…

but it’s been 5 days since i started it and i haven’t felt suicidal at all yet, so idk if it’s just not been in my system long enough for that to start, or if i’m finally in a decent place with my mental health…

  either way i’m feeling pretty good, and i really like this new doctor so far. he wants me to come back after i’ve been on the meds for 14 days, so they’ve had long enough to start taking effect, but that way he can monitor side effects (especially the mental health ones because he wanted to be sure prescribing it wouldn’t put me in danger) and we can figure out further treatment. but yeah it’s really nice to have a doctor that actually takes my issues and concerns seriously, especially when he wanted to know about my mental health and was very considerate and respectful when i discussed my history of depression and suicidal thoughts. like yeah that’s supposed to be normal but it isn’t so it’s nice. 

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so my new primary care doc put me on a new allergy/asthma control med that's got the LOVELY side effect of increasing depression/suicidal thoughts...

but it's been 5 days since i started it and i haven't felt suicidal at all yet, so idk if it's just not been in my system long enough for that to start, or if i'm finally in a decent place with my mental health...

  either way i'm feeling pretty good, and i really like this new doctor so far. he wants me to come back after i've been on the meds for 14 days, so they've had long enough to start taking effect, but that way he can monitor side effects (especially the mental health ones because he wanted to be sure prescribing it wouldn't put me in danger) and we can figure out further treatment. but yeah it's really nice to have a doctor that actually takes my issues and concerns seriously, especially when he wanted to know about my mental health and was very considerate and respectful when i discussed my history of depression and suicidal thoughts. like yeah that's supposed to be normal but it isn't so it's nice. 

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look at this conversation heart i found

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reblogging from myself because this posted before i was finished lmao

okay so top pair is isidora and connor, and they’re siblings! beneath them is ellis, and she’s their half-sister/cousin. (it is a long and sad story, but basically their father’s are brothers and their mother tried to drive a wedge between them, cue angst.) beneath her is her half-brother, duck (not his actual name lmao), and their half-sister florencia. (same father for all three of them, but he raised ell and duck as a single dad until he met and married flo’s mom.) and the final duo is ell’s daughter lia and duck’s kid cal. more about these nerds under a cut because i talk too much!

Keep reading

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okay so top pair is isidora and connor, and they’re siblings! beneath them is ellis, and she’s their half-sister/cousin. (it is a long and sad story, but basically their father’s are brothers and their mother tried to drive a wedge between them, cue angst.) beneath her is her half-brother, duck (not his actual name lmao), and their half-sister florencia. (same father for all three of them, but he raised ell and duck as a single dad until he met and married flo’s mom.) and the final duo is ell’s daughter lia and duck’s kid cal. more about these nerds under a cut because i talk too much!

so basically dora and connie are a princess and prince, both considered to be like. legendarily beautiful. there is literally almost a war because dora is too pretty. (not really it’s because of an entitled prince getting put IN HIS GODDAMN PLACE by her childhood bestie who may or may not be legendary wizard merlin.) (his place is a grave. nobody thought merlin had actual murder in him but. the boy DOESN’T fuck around.) anyway dora has the ability to read people, like she’s super smart but even more so she’s got a psychic intuition and always knows THE TRUTH. connie’s little bit of magic is supernaturally good luck. like he has had too many incidents where he should have died but somehow??? he’s still alive??? (he has an adrenaline addiction and zero sense of self preservation.)

and then ellis. oh jeez. she’s literally nicknamed “the hot mess express” because she has more issues than whatever fucking newspaper has been in print the longest. so her uncle is the king… and her mom’s husband. while her dad is his slightly younger brother and right hand man, so it’s. awkward to say the least when she’s around her uncle but honestly he loves her because she’s just??? awesome even though she’s got zero sense of self worth??? (her mom is so mean to her because she wanted her to be just like dora but they’re total opposites.) anyway ell has super strength but doesn’t really use it, because she’s a damn good knight without it. also she’s bi and has gender issues that she refuses to confront. listen she is my baby and i have so many feelings about her so please!!! ask questions and give feedback about her especially because she’s very important.

duck is the weird artist of the family, yet also the most normal? like he actually doesn’t have any extra ability like the others, he’s just. duck. but he dresses in terrible clashing pastels and dyes his hair blue, and is such a good brother… like flo is the one who nicknamed him duck and he loves her so much that he demanded everyone else call him that so she didn’t feel bad about saying his name wrong when she was little and it STUCK. and he helps ell when she’s feeling down about herself, like he is so supportive. he’s just very soft and very good and also the most supportive dad because he learned from his dad who is the second most supportive dad??? because duck is trans so when baby cal started asking gender questions, he was just like, “okay baby i love you no matter what” and threw punches when anyone misgendered them. also he’s gay and has a cute husband who’s a knight. (medieval version of the jock/artsy kid trope anyone?) basically duck is the best and i could talk about him forever. (btw the bandages on his hands are because he’s a clumsy sculptor.)

flo’s a straight up badass and queen. like literally she’s a queen of the fairies? through marriage but fairies are a matriarchal society so she has all the power. (her husband is merlin, and they’re in a polyamorous quartet with flo’s bestie and her bodyguard.) but she’s incredibly magically powerful, so much so that merlin himself is impressed. (especially since she freed him from a curse with minimal training.) anyway she’s a cutie and kinda dramatic but she’s loyal and sensible (the boots were something she insisted on, because “a queen of the forest should be wearing proper shoes for walking in the forest”) and maybe a little too stubborn and selfless. also she’s such a daddy’s girl that even as an adult she’ll go to him and insist that he does her hair because he’s the best at it. so much fluff tbh.

lia is ell’s only kid and was very much unintentional… and it’s really sad because in some fucked up ways, her conception parallels ell’s, except her dad was the asshole not her mom. but her bio dad doesn’t actually matter because ell is with this other knight and he totally adopts lia. (and like it's never officially stated because he and ell can't get their shit together, but lia calls him dad and everyone considers lia to be HIS daughter.) and she actually gets along better with him than her mom, because he tends to get her a little bit better. she's not even remotely interested in being a knight, but is super smart and invents shit instead, and is a terrifying child because SHE KNOWS TOO MUCH. (6 year old lia after finding a rabbit carcass in the woods: "mommy, i know that the bunny isn't sleeping. it died of heart failure when the horse scared it." as ell looks over at her not-husband and is like "what the ever-loving fuck is wrong with our child" because lia is a little too casual about death.) honestly she's just fun because she's chaotic neutral and does what she wants because she's got her auntie flo and uncle merlin wrapped around her fingers which makes her almost unstoppable. also her bff is cal because ell and duck got pregnant around the same time so they're the same age and are basically inseparable??? and if anyone fucks with cal she goes from chaotic neutral to chaotic evil in .5 seconds flat. don't fuck with her girl.

and finally cal! sweet baby cal! so they're transfeminine and switch between she, they, and sometimes he pronouns, because they're pretty fluid regarding their gender, it just tends to be somewhat feminine. but they don't really like binary labels, unless they're coming from someone they're very close with. (like how lia calls them her girl or sis, or their grandpa calls them baby girl. or being called the queen bee.) anyway cal is a sweetheart and is the neutral good to lia's chaotic neutral. she is queen of the bees and nobody really understands why or how and nobody questions it either. they just love her and she loves them. she's full of love and optimism and sees the world as a beautiful place, so everyone wants to protect her all the time. she's just too precious. also they're a model and theater actress because it's a truth universally acknowledged that cal is too beautiful and talented to not be the center of attention always.

anyway please tell me your opinions on them and ask questions if you have any, i really wanna know what you think especially if you read all this!

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so in the little bits of free time i've had lately i played around with a doll maker to redesign some ocs i've had forEVER

and i was like... hmm... do they all actually need to be white or am i making them white because i first designed them when i was 15 and didn't think about diversity? and basically decided to try and make some of them not white... but since they're mostly a family there's only 2 white people left out of the ones i've finished so far.

anyway i'm gonna post some of them soon because i need validation! and attention because i am in a bit of a slump rn because of work.

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my mom came to the rescue and promised not to tell my dad

i'm still crying but now it's relief not panic

jesus fuck my mom is amazing

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i know i kinda disappeared for a bit there but work has been killing me and i just

i fucked up

at work, and it's the kind that could get me fired, so i'm kinda having a panic attack

basically i helped someone and i shouldn't have but i didn't expect it to turn out like this

but i just had a phone call that reminded me that nothing i do ever works out without biting me in the ass

so now i have to sit here and wonder if i'm getting fired and if i'm going to be the reason my family is homeless

i just hate myself so much

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I rely on Lyft to get me to work sometimes because there isn't a bus that would get me to work on time without having to get to work an hour early. (My shift literally starts at 11 pm.) Yeah, I usually can get a ride from my dad, but like, if he's not feeling well enough to drive me? Lyft is the only option, because I can't afford a cab. With Lyft, I pay about $13 to get to work. With a cab? It'd probably be $30 at least.

And here's the thing! Public transit in Portland is pretty good! I take the bus home from work at least once a week! I take the bus to run errands! But it can't get me to work because of the hours I work and the location of my work, which means I rely on alternative methods of transportation.

That doesn't mean I don't support cab drivers. I work at a hotel, and I frequently call cabs for guests who need them. I've saved one cab driver's number in my cell phone so I can get him good fares when I know a guest needs to go to the airport, because he's nice and I know he's reliable. Never once have I recommended Lyft or Uber to a guest, I always recommend a cab service or public transit. If I could afford it, I'd call a cab for myself when I need to get to work. But being as the $13 for Lyft stretches the budget sometimes, there's no way I could make using a cab service work.

Not everyone lives somewhere that has reliable public transit everywhere they need to go 24/7. Please keep that in mind before giving people shit about what they need to do to get by.

Delete your Uber account, and make sure they know you did it because they’re racist, profiteering scabs.

Source: article, tweet one, tweet two.