steinpughhawke
steinpughhawke
angstydisaster
67 posts
she/her | your friendly neighborhood bishova AO3 librarian here
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steinpughhawke ¡ 5 months ago
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Yelena doesn’t pack.
She sits there, fists clenched on her thighs, jaw tight, every muscle in her body screaming at her to follow Kate and fix this before it spirals further out of control.
But she’s tired. God, she’s so fucking tired.
For once, she wants to be the one walked toward instead of always being the one doing the chasing.
But the minutes stretch. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty. The silence outside Kate’s office is oppressive, settling into Yelena’s bones like lead. No footsteps. No hesitation. No coming back.
And she knows...Kate’s not easing up.
That realization sends something sharp and dangerous slicing through her chest. Fine. If Kate wants to be stubborn, then Yelena can match her.
She heads to the door, grabs her keys out of the bowl, and heads out. She doesn’t rush. If Kate is listening, she wants her to hear every deliberate footstep, the soft click of the lock as she pulls the door closed behind her.
Let her know that Yelena isn’t bluffing.
She makes it as far as the car. Keys in hand, fingers curled around the driver’s side door handle. And then she just…stops.
Her pulse is a dull, steady thud in her ears. The weight of the night...the fight, the accusations, the sheer exhaustion of being caught in this cycle...presses in on her.
She should go. She said she was going. And Yelena isn’t the type to walk back on something once she’s put it out into the universe. She’s stubborn like that. Always has been.
But she's still here.
Kate is right here.
And maybe maybe this is the moment. The test.
If Yelena gets in the car and drives off, does Kate let her? Does she come outside, bang on the window, demand she come back inside? Does she call in ten minutes, or an hour, or tomorrow morning when she wakes up and realizes Yelena actually left?
Or does she do nothing?
That last thought sinks claws into Yelena’s chest. It sits there, heavy and festering, refusing to let her go.
She releases the car handle and pivots on her heel, marching back toward the garage elevator before she can talk herself out of it.
Inside, the lights in the hallway are dim. The office door is still wide open, her chair pushed back from the desk exactly how she left it. The fight sits in the air, thick and suffocating, but the house is quiet.
Uncomfortably so.
Yelena makes her way down the hall. There’s a sliver of light coming from the guest room at the end of it.
She hesitates, foot hovering over the carpet leading there, then she moves past it entirely. Instead, she veers toward the kids’ rooms. She’s not sure what she’s looking for. Some reassurance, maybe, something to anchor her in the mess of tonight.
She stops outside Alexia's door first, pressing her palm against the wood for a second before carefully pushing it open just enough to peek inside.
The room is dark, save for the faint glow of the nightlight in the corner. Alexia is curled on their side, one arm flung over the stuffed owl Kate bought her last Christmas. Yelena watches her chest rise and fall, slow and even.
She should’ve been here earlier. Should’ve said goodnight, should’ve been the one to tuck the kids in instead of leaving it to Kate again.
She shuts the door as quietly as possible and crosses the hall to the little one's room.
Maks is sprawled across the mattress in the most chaotic sleeping position imaginable, tangled in the sheets, one sock barely clinging to his foot. In the crib, Sonny is neatly tucked in, her tiny hand curled under his cheek.
Yelena lingers in the doorway for a long time.
She loves them. Of course, she does. That was never up for debate. But it still stings, the way Kate threw it at her earlier, like Yelena being a good mother was somehow optional.
Like Kate thinks she’s failing.
Like she thinks she’s failing.
She swallows hard, backing out of the room.
When she reaches the guest bedroom, the door is cracked open. A lamp is still on inside, and Yelena can just make out the shape of Kate sitting on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked up, fingers pressed to her forehead.
She doesn’t knock, just pushes the door open wider and steps inside.
Kate doesn’t look up. Doesn’t say anything.
Yelena exhales slowly, crossing her arms.
“I didn’t leave.”
Kate snorts, the sound dry, unimpressed.
“Want a medal?”
Yelena clenches her jaw.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.”
That makes Kate lift her head. Her eyes are red, tired, but sharp.
“Do what?”
“This. Fighting. This stupid back and forth. I don’t want to keep hurting you.”
Kate watches her carefully, searching for something. Then, with a quiet scoff, she shakes her head.
“That’s nice. Really. But you don’t get to say ‘I don’t want to fight’ like that fixes everything. You did hurt me. You keep doing it.”
“I know.” It’s the only honest thing Yelena can say. She shifts on her feet. “But you’re hurting me too.”
That seems to land. Kate’s jaw tightens, and she looks away.
Yelena takes a careful step forward.
“We can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to lose you.”
Kate laughs, but it’s hollow.
“You sure about that? Because every time shit gets hard, you disappear.”
Yelena shakes her head. “I don’t...”
“Yes, you do.” Kate cuts in sharply. “Physically. Emotionally. Take your pick.” She lifts her hands, then lets them fall limply onto her lap. “You think I don’t know what it’s like to feel like you’re fucking drowning? I do. Every single day. But I don’t get to check out. I don’t get to decide it’s too much and just…step back.”
“I don’t decide to do it.” Yelena’s voice is quiet now. “It’s not…it’s not something I want.”
“But it’s what happens,” Kate mutters, shaking her head.
Silence stretches between them.
Then, Kate exhales and leans forward, pressing her face into her hands for a moment before lifting her gaze again. Her voice is softer when she speaks next.
“What are we to you?”
"What?”
“Its a simple question,” Kate says, watching her. “If this...” she gestures vaguely between them “...is something you’re only holding onto because it’s familiar, or because leaving would be too hard, then we need to stop pretending.”
Yelena doesn’t answer right away. Because wanting something and knowing how to make it work are two different things. She exhales, crossing the room until she’s close enough to kneel in front of Kate, resting her hands lightly against her knees. Kate doesn’t pull away.
“You and them are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you,” Yelena says, voice steady. “And I don’t want to stop trying.”
Kate studies her for a long, tense moment. Then, finally, she sighs.
“We have to try differently then,” she says. “Because whatever this is? It’s not working.”
"We'll figure it out. All we have to do is choose not to give up."
///
The next morning is quiet. Too quiet.
Yelena wakes to the sound of muffled voices. The house is awake without her. The kids are up. Kate is up. And Yelena is still in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling like she’s an outsider in her own home.
She drags herself up, pulling on a sweatshirt over her sleep shirt as she pads barefoot toward the door. Their bedroom feels wrong when Kate doesn't sleep in it. Foreign. Without Kate in here, Yelena feels she’s intruding. The space between her and Kate has never felt this wide.
Hearing them out there...it feels like they're already moving on without her.
Yelena makes her way to the kitchen. Kate must have said something hilarious because she hears Alexia and Maks cackle. She turns and corner and, the second she steps inside, she knows she’s walked in on something.
Kate, who stands by the sink, tenses the moment her and Yelena make eye contact. A few feet away, Alexia sits at the table with Maks and Sonny. Sonny is in just her diaper, swinging her legs under her chair, oblivious to the tension that just thickened the air. Maks is staring down at his half-eaten cereal like it might give him an answer to whatever the hell just happened here. Alexia, however, is bristling.
“You should have woken me up,” Yelena says, voice rough with sleep.
Kate doesn't say anything.
Alexia glances up, eyes flicking between them, and suddenly, Yelena realizes what this looks like. Kate slept in the guest room. She wasn’t here when they woke up. She walked in late.
Like a stranger.
“Mama, are you living with Deda and Babu now?” Maks asks, tilting his head.
Yelena’s stomach twists. “What? No. Why would you...”
Yelena glares at Kate. Before she knows it's happening, she's crossing the kitchen and walking straight to Kate.
“What did you tell them?” Yelena asks barely above a whisper.
"The truth." Kate turns, leveling her with a stare. “What was I supposed to do? Pretend like nothing is happening? They’re not stupid.”
“They’re also kids.”
Kate scoffs, dropping a spoon into the sink with a clatter.
“Right. And what do you think is worse? Talking to them about it or letting them figure it out on their own while we keep playing house?”
“This isn’t something they should have to deal...”
“They already deal with it,” Kate snaps. “Every single time you put your work first. Every time you miss a recital or a game or a school meeting. Every time I have to make excuses for you...they already know. So maybe, just maybe, don’t act so fucking surprised.”
Alexia chair scrapes backwards and she storms off.
"Alex..." Yelena pleads after her daughter.
But she's already gone, storming down the hallway and up the stairs. Maks looks like he wants to follow, but he stays put, chewing his lip. Sonny, blissfully unaware, bangs her little hands on the high chair and gurgles.
Kate sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “This is exactly why I told you to fix your priorities.”
Yelena sets her jaw. “You told me? This isn’t just on me, Kate.”
“Really? Because I’m not the one who’s always gone.”
The words slam into her, harder than she’s willing to admit.
Before she can respond, Maks slides off his chair and follows after his big sister, leaving only Sonny at the table.
Kate watches them go, then turns back to the sink, gripping the edge of the counter like she’s holding herself together.
“I don’t want to fight in front of them,” Yelena mutters.
“Then don’t start shit at breakfast.”
Yelena's eyes flash. “Start shit? You told them I was going to stay with my parents.”
“That's what YOU said,” Kate hisses, stepping closer.
“I came back.”
“And you want me to give you points for that?”
“No. I want you to stop acting like I’m the only one responsible for all of this falling apart.”
Kate laughs, but it’s sharp, humorless.
“You’re really going to stand here and act like you’re not?”
“This isn’t fair...”
“What’s not fair is that I have to be the reliable one while you get to be at work. You get to show up when it’s convenient for you. You get to skip the hard parts. You get to waltz in late because you’re Yelena Belova, the brilliant scientist who’s too important and too busy to actually show up.”
“That’s not...” Yelena pauses. "Why did you call me that?"
"Call you what?"
"Yelena Belova."
"That's your name."
"It hasn't been for A LONG time."
“Don’t change the subject,” Kate warns, voice dangerously quiet. “Don’t stand there and pretend like you don’t see it. You have no idea what it’s like to be the one who has to hold it all together.”
Yelena’s chest heaves. “And what do you think I’ve been trying to do?”
“Trying isn’t enough anymore.”
There it is. The final nail in the coffin.
Yelena shakes her head, throat burning. “You’ve already decided, haven’t you?”
Kate doesn’t answer right away. Her gaze flickers, like she wants to take it back. But she doesn’t.
“I can’t keep doing this,” Kate says finally. “Not when nothing ever changes.”
A thick silence swallows the kitchen whole.
Yelena swallows around the knot in her throat. “So that’s it? You’re done?”
Kate exhales slowly, but there’s no satisfaction in it. No relief. Just exhaustion.
“I think I have to be.”
Yelena takes a step back, like she’s been hit. She doesn’t realize she’s shaking her head until Kate sighs and looks away.
“Yelena...”
“No,” Yelena breathes. “No, this isn’t...we aren’t...”She can’t finish it.
Because Kate isn’t stopping her. Kate isn’t walking it back. Kate isn’t saying 'I don’t mean it' or 'I just need space' or 'We’ll figure it out'.
She’s just standing there, watching Yelena unravel.
“When are you moving out?”
And that...That’s the moment it all falls apart.
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steinpughhawke ¡ 10 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a thread of recent completed bishova stories (mostly oneshots) to check out for the weekend
The Donor by Axinite25
Boredom is the mind killer by Axinite25
that which makes you feel safe by Axinite25
It’s Totally Under Control by gayasawindow
The Safehouse by Changedmyname
i’ve seen heaven, but i ain’t never felt this way by rmjpugh
Black Widow Coffee by ooga_94_booga
Meet the Parents byMistysGatorTeeth
i want more landmarks, less landmines by lazyfish
Cook Me Dinner (So I Can Taste it in Your Mouth) by Mentalashday
With a Little Help from Big Sister by ChocolateXMyMouth
Wrong Number by 19harmony
I Can See You by TheBleedingPearl
i'm so afraid i sealed my fate (no sign of soulmates) by mayadrinkswater
Touch by NeverQuiteLogistical
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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Kate Bishop & Yelena Belova Vampire!AU
"She looked so pretty like the Devil."
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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favorite bishova aus? Can be in your own work/concepts/fic recs
I know this is a trope and not an au but I am SUCH a sucker for enemies to friends to lovers and anyway I just wanted to restate that
-I have recently discovered that ABO/Omegaverse aus are a guilty pleasure of mine. No I will not be elaborating. Go read Oh Alpha, My Alpha by DoomTheShroom on AO3
-really really love fantasy/medieval aus! Haven’t read very many but I’ve loved the ones I have. Quiver and Crown by @lauready comes to mind most especially, I’ve probably read it like five times. It’s Knight!Kate Bishop x Princess!Yelena Belova and I would highly recommend :))
-who would I be if I didn’t mention the classic college/high school aus? I know this wasn’t asking for fic recs but I don’t care :DDD The Poet and the Quarterback by @steinpughhawke on AO3 (@ is angstydisaster over there) is an adorable Quarterback!Kate Bishop x Artist!Yelena Belova highschool au that is currently in the works and I’m a little obsessed, and That One Time We Kissed by @lauready on Wattpad (sorry friend idk if you have it posted on ao3 too but I read it in good old glitchpad so) it’s really! Freaking! Good!!! Yelena is in a sorority! Kate is a skater girl! It’s a good time!!
-Some other favorites are post apocalyptic, fake dating, band, etc etc
I have so many that I love but I can’t keep yapping forever because unfortunately I need to sleep- but I will say I have some very interesting aus in the drafts/brain rn, including but not limited to:
•Marching band au because I am a big fat band nerd/kid (Drumline Instructor!Kate Bishop x Colorguard Captain!Yelena Belova)
•Ex-Mormon!Kate Bishop
•Angel/Cupid!Kate Bishop x Archangel/Demon!Yelena Belova
•DnD au (Fighter!Circus Performer!Kate Bishop x Rogue!Assassin!Yelena Belova)
And of course I will never shut up about Autistic!Yelena and Genderqueer!Kate
Tell me about your favorite tropes/aus!
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ Chapter 6 of The Poet and The Quarterback out now! Thank you to @lizzieblopaz24 for the edit 🫶
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ A short thread of Omegaverse aka A/B/O bishova stories
A guilty pleasure for many people! I added ones that are not full on 🌽 but have a plot. If this is not your cup of tea, that’s okay. Just keep scrolling, it’s not hard!
everything i can remember (i remember wrong) by dare121
Down On My Knees by Aiden1999
But Time Makes You Bolder (Even Children Get Older) by Mars_GoW_2020 (super underrated! incredible world building)
Pillow Talk by agentramsey
this is the fate you've carved on me by dare121
I See You by Whitadw (hope the author comes back)
Oh Alpha, My Alpha by DoomTheShroom (i’ve recommended this in like 3 threads already)
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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Kate and Peter's Snapchat leaked 🤭
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ Chapter 5 of The Poet and The Quarterback out now!
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a thread of enemies to lovers bishova stories that i’ve read 🔪❤️
Sister of the Bride by Changedmyname
Shattered innocence by Hawkshot
In Another Universe…She Waited For Her In Every Lifetime by NeverQuiteLogistical
and the earth died screaming by polarkai
it surprised me, the depth of your love by upfront_DW
In Another Universe... They Met in Night City by NeverQuiteLogistical
Parent Trap by Onthemain_08
Best shot by 19harmony
Happily by 19harmony
tear the stars out from the sky (all i’ve come to realize) by karaslance
everything was beautiful and nothing hurt by nataliaswifey (the cliffhanger in this one…author come back pls. the bishova children miss you, I MISS YOU)
Loving and Leaving by sapphiremoonlight_witch: (i ate this one up)
Collection of Stories by pepperbrook_99 - Family Ties
Collection of Stories by pepperbrook_99 - Pirates Tale
The Coldest War by BlackChickenSoup
Could We Forget All the Ways We're Broken by Adimnos
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ Chapter 4 for The Poet and The Quarterback is here!! earlier than usual? yeah i couldn’t wait. lemme know your thoughts?
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a thread of bishova AU fanfics inspired by existing media (movies, shows, video games, etc)
I can’t wait until I can add all the future ‘We Live In Time’ inspired stories to this
Happily by 19harmony (The Proposal)
My princess from the stars by falling_upwards_slowly (Dune)
and the earth died screaming by polarkai: (Pacific Rim)
Beat It! by Flopikkan (Harry Potter)
In Another Universe..They Met in Night City by NeverQuiteLogistical (Cyberpunk)
I Am Divergent by yellow1jellybean: (Divergent)
In Another Universe…They Were At War With The Gods by NeverQuiteLogistical (Elden Ring)
don’t worry darling by clarkedarling: (DWD)
I will love you in every life by LizzieBlopaz: (Dickinson/Little Women)
L-UCKY by antclaykiwi: (WALL-E)
The Egg is Just the Start (of Breakfast and Life) by StoicLastStand: (Red Notice)
Wedding plans by Inniscarlet: (The Wedding Planner)
everything was beautiful and nothing hurt by nataliaswifey: (KillIng Eve)
tear the stars out from the sky (all i’ve come to realize) by karaslance: (WWE/Fighting with my family)
a howl of romance..by FoulBearObservation: (Mr & Mrs Smith)
The Arrows of Kate Bishop by Lord_Ghirahim: (3 part series - Percy Jackson) [third part is incomplete]
Can't Fight the Moonlight by SleepyHead24: (Coyote Ugly)
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a MASTERLIST of all my bishova fafic rec threads 📚💜💚
all credits go to the rightful author. thank you to every single bishova author out there. you are appreciated so very much. thank you for feeding us!
[transferred from twitter]
Green - Completed
Purple - Ongoing
100k stories
high school/college au
jealous!yelena
5+1
fake dating au
underrated stories
underrated oneshots
soulmate
haven’t been updated in year(s)
outsider’s POV
pitch perfect crossover
sad/angsty
enemies to lovers
18+ stories
top!yelena
top!kate
omegaverse
recent completed (9/28/24)
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a thread of my fav Top!Kate (🌶️🔥🔞) bishova stories
Kate Bishop’s WNBA Fantasy by CelticKitten25
Your Body Doesn’t Lie by Shacam (G!P)
I love the way you F..me by JediCaligula89
Language Barrier by Shacam
Stakeout by Shacam (G!P)
The beginning
Ending Number One
Do As I Say by Shacam
Von Dutch by Axinite25
love, comfort, and safety in your arms by cherryess
But it’s Better if You Do by Sk1nofthelamb
Kitten by Suicide_Wolf
And they were...Friends? by Suicide_Wolf
Such a Brat (Series) by Suicide_Wolf: (G!P)
Wants and Needs by lauready
Bottled Rage by KurosakiIchigoat
This Is Why You Don't (or Do) Fuck a Werewolf During a Full Moon by Suicide_Wolf
But it’s Better if You Do by Sk1nofthelamb
think of this as a bonus: (Switch Stories)
Absence Makes the N*pples Grow Harder by Neda5555
Adore You by Neda5555
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a thread of my fav Top!Yelena (🌶️🔥🔞) bishova stories
again, be mindful read the tags before reading!
Matched by arrowsandbows
smitten’s a bad look on me by arrowsandbows
The Ride Up by BurdenedWithPointlessPurple
rockefeller state of mind by duri
two truths and a lie by JobethDallowsy
Pose by the balcony by JediCaligula89
with your fingers in my mouth (please don’t let me fall) by pocketfulofarrows
Damn Arrowheads (Series) by Suicide_Wolf (G!P)
two truths and a lie by JobethDalloway
Oh Alpha, My Alpha (Series) by DoomTheShroom (G!P
Just Smut by Hollistein (G!P)
With the lights out, it's less dangerous by luscious_words
Drunk & In Love by Suicide_Wolf (G!P)
Yelena Doesn’t Like to Share by Suicide_Wolf: (G!P)
An Omega’s Full Moon by Suicide_Wolf (G!P)
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a thread of bishova fics that have made me cry / sob / curl on the floor / numbed me
three words you can never say byoctbrslippedaway
With Bleeding Hearts and Lovely Daffodils by Immapunk
Wanted by JustPartners
If the World was Ending You’d Come Over (Right?) by 7hourdrive
I'm Good At Letting It Get To Me by bugs2kill
If Love Were Enough by TheBleedingPearl
if you're bad odds, then i'm a luck pusher by polarkai
shattered
i didn't know i was lonely till i saw your face by Aiden1999
Not A Date by NeverQuiteLogistical
are you coming home by Axinite25
How to Make your Crush Jealous? by BergReaderWriter
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me by DoomTheShroom (MIND THE TAGS)
Finding a Reason by Suicide_Wolf (MIND THE TAGS)
trace
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ a thread of the very few bishova x Pitch Perfect crossover stories you can binge this weekend 🎤♥️
She Tried To Kill Us by thegayjay
Who Hits You by thegayjay
Wake Up by thegayjay
The Wrong Time by thegayjay
But You Got Some Really Nice Clothes Out Of It, So by sadeggie:
This life isn’t ours by LizzieBlopaz
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steinpughhawke ¡ 11 months ago
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➳ ⧗ my fav 🌶️🔥🔞 with a plot bishova stories 🫣
for the most part these have some sort of..plot. i have more that are a lot more plotless and wilder but I decided that could be a separate thread (if wanted only so uhh yeah let me know!)
Wicked Games by thenerdherdalert
Of Hawk and Widow: deleted but I have the pdf if you want it dm me your email
Down On My Knees by Aiden1999
Chasing Shadows by Aiden1999
Life Changing Phone Message by Daughter2Artemis
rockefeller state of mind by duri
Hawk in Headlights by Saltybaltic
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous by hcbtaenyc
The beginning
Ending Number one (part 2 to ‘The beginning’)
All I do is crave her by SaveGrisham
For real, for real? by aijin99
love, comfort, and safety in your arms by cherryess
Absence Makes the N*pples Grow Harder by Neda5555
About Damn Time by Neda5555
Oh Alpha, My Alpha by DoomTheShroom (SERIES):
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