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“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also…hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now…happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell…knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

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I have a writing idea where under some unfortunate circumstances, Gopal turns into a ghost and continues to tag after the Kokotaim gang. He thought they all thought he was dead and had a existential crisis over it. Enter: Rintis Academy resident ghosts.

They all just took a shine over him and adopted Gopal into their gang. He had like tons of evidence proving that he is still alive and wasn't dead yet, but Gopal insists that he has died. A Japanese ghost haunting the school grounds by the name of Ikiru thought he was the most hilarious thing after puzzle pieces coffee table and adopted him.

He actually managed to solve a quarter of the team's problems before they could face it. Ikiru blew wind at Ying's neck every half an hour they were in the same room. She did it just to prove that ghost exists.

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getting krilled

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Humanity is kind. It has always been. People just stopped believing it. You are first kind, before anything. But that doesn't rule out me beheading a piece of shit scumbag like you.

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The Do’s & Don'ts of interacting w/ content creators, & other people you don’t know well mutually I slapped together for Twitter.

This ended up being more Don'ts than Dos but I feel like people need more help learning what NOT to say once they stray away from simple compliments and questions.

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TEETH MEAT THAT HOLDS THE MOUTH ROCKS

english: coconut oil

french: :)

english: oh boy

french: oil of the nut of the coco

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April?

For some reason were scared of looking into the abyss of the ocean when its only a few miles deep, but we’re completly fine looking into the nearly infite abyss of space. In fact, most of us find is calming.

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Off the charts, ungrouped, no frequency. Perfectly raw, just like how nature is.

in a stroke of art, my ap chemistry teacher accidentally sent our class a picture of her cat

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Oh, the hero is a straight-laced, charismatic, conventionally handsome, neurotypical, heterosexual white man who trusts the government and lives in a bland, flavorless relationship with a subserviant, less-talented woman whose life revolves around him, and I WASN’T supposed to like the villain more? My bad

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Help I'm dying

bruce wayne using slang but only learning the definitions from websites for older people

For undisclosed reasons I thought it would be funny to pretend to be an older person wanting to know the definitions of gen z/millennial slang and oh boy is it a gold mine on some of these sites. 

I immediately thought of Bruce Wayne.

Nightwing, over coms: Tracked down Penguin to a location by the docks. Let’s meet on 54th and think of a game plan.

Oracle: Copy that.

Red Hood: Agreed.

Batman: Yeet.

Everyone:

Red Robin: excuse me what

Batman: Robin, you’re dismissed. Take a shower then get to bed.

Robin: But father-

Batman: Bye Felicia.

Robin: … What-

Batman: You heard me, Robin.

*red robin, out of breath after a fight, wheezing because Batman asked a criminal if he was “shook” in his deep voice*

Oracle, over coms: Is Red crying or laughing? I honestly can’t tell.

Batman: Red Robin is dead.

Everyone: WHAT-

Batman, during an impassioned speech: We are Gotham’s protectors. We are the thin line between order and chaos. The city needs protecting, even from those supposed to be protecting it. We will snatch every wig from every corrupt officer and politician’s head until this city shines.

Everyone:

Signal: I knew Gordon was wearing a toupee.

________

I think this is the funniest concept. Lemme know if y’all want a part 2 or more content like this.

All slang definitions taken from thoughtcatalog.com

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Be gay, do crime

Eat 3 meals a day

Some children don’t get to eat at school but a prisoner eats 3 meals a day

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how 95% of the fandom thinks the dynamic is

how the canon dynamic is

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Ash is Leo Valdez descendant send tweet

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character: adopts another person, or two, or ten  me, immediately falling in love: 

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sorta related but i dont like that tumblr has made “unhealthy relationship” mean “one person is an abuser and the other is a victim”

unhealthy relationship means just that. a relationship that is unhealthy. whether because a party is uninterested, both parties bring out the worst in eachother, theres just no more spark, etc

just stop using “unhealthy relationship” as if its perfectly synonymous with “abusive relationship”

abusive relationships are DEFINITELY unhealthy relationships but not all unhealthy relationships are abusive, ya dig?