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when you see an attractive person

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When you scroll through social media and feel ugly af compared to everyone else

-e.z. (photo: idk)

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attention hog

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I’m just a clingy loser who needs constant attention and reassurance that you love me

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its ok. 

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9/14/19

Well, life just fucking sucks. I’m very much in between giving into my depression, completely giving up with it and fighting hard, striving to see the other side. 

With death in the family, my shitty week got even shittier. I’m deciding not to go to school on Monday and Tuesday because I’m just going to be a mental and emotional mess. I’ve lost a lot of weight and my eyes looked like they’ve been scratched at due to the strain of holding back tears and then wiping them because I fail every single time. 

After talking to my mom, mostly calling in to check on how she was coping with the death, she made me break down further. If I moved back with my parents, it would fix so many problems and make me feel more secure about the future. But it would hurt not seeing Taylor anymore or no longer being in somewhat free control of what I can do with my future.

I told Taylor that I love him a few hours ago. I’ve been meaning to for a long while, I guess I was just a lot more vulnerable now. I half expected him to say that he loves me too, but I’m just naive for thinking that in the first place. He was usually the first one to bring up sappy stuff first, so maybe I jumped to conclusions that way. He thanked me for being honest and that he appreciates it, but he’s just confused with what real love is to him. 

There’s something deep inside that hurts, knowing that I’m sure I’m in love with him but he’s not with me. With a crush, if you confessed to them, I feel like it wouldn’t hurt as much because you never had them in the first place. But confessing pure love to your significant other and them not returning what you’re giving them, it hurts. I guess it hurts because you have them, but you can’t have them completely. I always felt like a great catch with him, but people’s feelings are something that can’t be controlled. I can’t force him to sincerely love me, but I wish he loved me back. I wish I held my tongue because I just set a trap up for myself and fell into it. I wish love wasn’t so complex. 

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me: please don’t panic and overanalyze things again

brain: how bout i do a n y w a y

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Your happiness has always meant more to me. 

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