still-awaiting-dawn

[still-awaiting-dawn]

Saturday, 4th September, 2021

I've been meaning to do my math homework. As well as physics, biology, english, and business studies. I've also been meaning to study for the 4 tests I have next week, as well as completing the 2 incomplete classwork assignments.

I swear, I'm not a bad student, and I'm not procrastinating. It's just that, it's kind of hard to concentrate when your parents are constantly at each others throats.

They fight intensely every month.

I'm used to it. I shouldn't have to be, but I am.

They fight over the stupidest things in my opinion, usually it's dads fault, he often gets petty. This time, they're fighting because we had a plan to go and visit a family friend, my dad knew very well, and called another family friend, and made plans with them as well just to annoy my mom. He didn't tell my mom until this morning, when she'd already made all the food and preparations. They both began to scream.

Then this evening, the gardener said he wished to leave the job to go and attend university. My mom congratulated him and allowed him leave, though when she came in to tell us, she was slightly upset because she'd have to find a new person to do the garden work. Out of nowhere, dad screamed it was because everybody was fed up of her, and nobody wanted to be near her, that's why the gardener left. Mom got furious, and threatened to release all 3 of our dogs into the street, and let them starve to death (because my dad adores them, so she did it to anger him) but she was so convincing while she was saying that, at some point I became convinced she was being serious and I started to cry. I rushed to the bathroom, and just looked after myself, listening to their unintelligible voices yelling at each other.

Now... they're just not talking to each other. The atmosphere is so think and tense.

Sometimes I feel I'm the most mature person in the house. Honestly, at 14 years old, I shouldn't have to be. There's parents that look after their child, and ensure their happy all their life. Then there's mine, who probably care about me, but never do anything to really show it.

I like to think that one day, all my fictional comfort characters will come to life, and come rescue me. They'll adopt me, and we'll all live together happily. This sounds so childish and stupid, but on many days it's what keeps me going.

Well, it'll resolve soon, I hope. I should probably go make dinner and then get some homework done.