stolendreams99

[stolendreams99]

I wanna start brain vomiting here, but I need to get out of my own way

I've had this tumblr for years and never really got much farther than just reblogging and liking. I think I struggle with the way the site functions, I could never wrap my head around it, especially not being able to filter people's reblogs from their original content.

But here I am in adulthood with a brain that perpetually operates at 105%, constantly filled with a million and one thoughts, some deep analyses, some absolute shit.

“I want to talk about everything with at least one person as I talk about things with myself.”

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot

I started therapy a few years ago and have found myself quite the journaler, and this quote captures the 'thing' that keeps me coming back to the idea of writing here. Nothing professional, just a little blog of thoughts to share. I have friends who share my interests, but I can't always deep dive and hyperfixate for hours at a time with them. It's fun and I love them to death, but it can't happen all the time when the urge strikes. It's impractical, both for them and myself.

I think fandom as a broad concept is fascinating, I love seeing how people can breathe life back into media that only gives a fixed amount of content. When I recover from all this academic trauma and burnout, I think fandom and pop culture studies is something I might explore a bit more.

But exhaustion and ambitions aside, I like contributing to that process of bringing your own thoughts and baggage to art and watching how it gives so much more depth to it. Taking something and exploring every corner of it. I like giving, real, intense, thought to things. I like to dive into lore and think about character psychology and world building. I like to think about how the artistic choices in music and visuals contribute to it. I like to analyze dialogue and read into things and steep my brain in every element of it.

I like words, and I like using them to talk about things. I wanna do that here but I keep getting tripped up by the idea of curating the "perfect" blog and, god, it's fucking annoying. I have so many topics in my head that I've already mentally drafted out that just swim around up there and occupy space.

I wanna talk about love, grief, burnout, trauma, my life experiences that have contributed to who I am. I wanna talk about the LoZ timeline and lore, or this one fanfiction that is so exceptionally good that I will continue checking for updates no matter how long it takes, I wanna talk about music albums as collective works of art, I wanna talk about visual art and how, at the end of the day, most art is fan art and all elitists that say otherwise are missing out, I wanna talk about OSTs that rip my soul out, hold it tenderly, and put it back, I wanna talk about anime and TV shows and movies, write about my reviews and opinions, talk about the socio-cultural phenomenon that Hatsune Miku is.

I have so much shit I wanna talk about and all it does is stay tucked away in the attic of my brain just collecting dust but also still like...bouncing off the walls just trying to get out. I think writing essays in uni would've been more fun if we had more opportunities to talk about the things we cared about.

This post is a shit show and isn't much of anything for anyone, this is my attempt at getting over the idea of doing it "right" or "perfectly," it's my way of putting pencil to a blank paper, just to ruin the idea of perfection and just to get things moving.

I haven't shared my in-depth thoughts or my art consistently or with real intention on a public platform in years (did I mention I'm burnt out) so it's a bit weird thinking that people might see and read this and...I don't know, have a glimpse into my mind.

So yeah despite being on here since 2015? 16? 17? I suppose I'm pretty new to tumblr in a way. Bear with me as I try to get better at messily attempting things instead of trying to make something perfect before I even start it. I'll probably expand on so many all of the things I've mentioned here in the future :)

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[stolendreams99]

OMG RELEVANT HISTORY LESSON FOR YOI!

SO YOU KNOW THIS LINE?

WELL, MY MOM AND I WERE TALKING AND SHE WAS LOOKING THROUGH HER TUMBLR (YES SHE FOLLOWS ME) AND SAW THIS POST ABOUT OTABAE OTABEK AND SAW THIS QUOTE FROM HIM.

And she was like “There’s some subtext there. Between the blond Russian and the Kazakhstan boy”

I asked her what she meant, and OOOOH BOY AM I GLAD I DID.

So, Kazakhstan used to be part of the USSR and is a country that sits between Russia and Uzbekistan and Kyrgyzstan and next to Mongolia.

The thing is, a lot of Russians believe that the people who live in these countries (Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, ect.) are a different inferior race to native Russians.

Otabek is like a poster child, when it comes to looks, of the people native to that area; While our little Russian kitty, Yurio, is similar to that for native Russians.

So, when Otabek asks this question with no emotion, he is probably 100% ready for Yurio to basically say “No, fuck you.”, because he is used to being treated in that way, especially by Russians like Yurio.

This probably also explains why he can’t show his emotions too well. He probably has the mindset that “If I let them see that they get to me, it will only get worse.”

TL;DR: Kubo-sensei knows her politics, and subtly incorporates it into her characters aND I LOVE HER FOR IT.

Also if other people already knew that, I’m just stupid, sorry.

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Yuri is relatable in the way he accomplishes his goals through the power of spite and righteous fury

same.

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he’s beauty

he’s grace

he will literally kick you in the face

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Eat them and do well in today’s free skate, Yuratchka.

Bonus:

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Just wrap me up in a blanket printed with this screenshot for life.

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WILL NEVER GET OVER

HOW HAPPY THIS DORK GETS

WHEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING

RELATED TO HIS GRANDPA ≖‿≖

HIS SMILE IS GOLD.

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cred. to owner 

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My heart can’t handle this

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I SEE NO DIFFERENCE

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College app deadlines are approaching

Yurio is me running away from my responsibilities. 

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Anything can happen if Yuri and Yurio can bond.

If Yuratchka can be friends with Yuri, then global warming can be ended

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A little transparent ghostie to haunt your blog

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I’m crying

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Me during AP week