strikethematch18

[strikethematch18]

Hello!! I’d like to request a Levi x Fem!reader where the reader is really strong (emotionally) and happy always but no one knows that she’s had a hard past and a family that hates her. She’s close to Levi, but one day,he says something angrily/ rude to her that reminded her of her parents. fluff ensues~~ (p.s don’t hold back on the angst I’m in the mood to get hurt)

Old Wounds

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.8K

Warnings: None? I don’t think?

A/N: y’all are really feeding into my angst complex now and i’m so here for it. thank you for the request lovely anon, i hope this is what you had in mind ^-^

Strength comes in so many different shapes and sizes, it’s often difficult to tell where weaknesses lie. For you, it was a case of brave face. So mentally fortified, many thought you to be unbreakable. Even here, now, crouching next to one of your subordinates, a member of your squad, you demonstrated your strength.

“I know, I know. But life keeps moving, and you have to keep moving as well. For them.” you’d lost a few good soldiers today, none from your squad thanks to your dangerous actions, but the poor girl sobbing her eyes out before you had stuttered about losing her brother today. He was a part of the left wing squad, which had been all but wiped out in an abnormal attack. Your heart broke for the girl. She was a good soldier, incredibly gifted with her mind, and had more than once helped you out of a sticky situation. It just proved that even those with incredible intellectual strength could have their minds clouded by emotion. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you, but it did anyway.

A new wave of sorrow overtook the soldier, and she collapsed forwards into your arms, inconsolable cries causing her body to shudder in your embrace, your shirt slowly dampening from her tears. How long either of you had been there, neither had kept track, but you weren’t moving until she’d stopped crying, however long that may take. A few other members of your squad stayed with you, the bonds in your squad being one of the strongest in the entire Survey Corps. And it was only when the soldier had fallen silent asleep did any of you move.

“Thanks you lot, I’ll take her back to her room. I’m sure she’d rather sleep in her bed than my lap,” you sighed gently, brushing a strand of her hair back from her face as she slept surprisingly well for someone who had just lost her only living relative.

“Not sure Captain Levi would agree with you there,” though the atmosphere was grim, you managed a tired, half glaring smile to your squad, glad they were still able to make those kinds of jokes. You’d trained them well, since they were cadets. They’d been under your wing since day one, it was nice to know they considered your relationship informal enough to make such jokes about the nature of your incredibly friendly relationship with the stoic captain.

“Funny, you lot. Very funny.”

“Hilarious, in fact, that you would think her scrawny ass is comfortable enough.”

The fear of god entered your squad’s eyes, faces draining to ash as his voice cut through the small congregation that had formed around you and the tired soldier. A small smile pulled at your lips, your head bowed down to hide it from your squad as those familiar footsteps came ever closer, until you could feel his presence behind you.

“That’s enough for today. I’ll take Viktoria back to her room. I’ll see the rest of you tomorrow, training midday, got it?” there was a chorus of agreements and a bustle of nods, before they all promptly made their excuses and left. You couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at their sudden urgency to be somewhere else, before gathering the exhausted soldier in your arms, lifting her as you stood.

Levi raised a brow, glancing between you and your passed out subordinate. You rolled your eyes, attempting to wave him off but finding it difficult with your hands full of sleeping cadet.

“She lost her brother in the expedition today. I’m just taking her back to her quarters before heading off.” you explained, already walking passed him down the corridor to the barracks. Levi followed along behind you, arms folded as he walked. It wasn’t really a defensive thing he did, nor was it something he did when he was annoyed. It was just more comfortable than having his arms anywhere else. Honestly, he was glad you knew that, because having to explain every time Hange called him off-putting was exhausting.

“Don’t suppose you’d want some tea before heading to bed, would you?” the offer was almost inaudible, and you had to look at him over your shoulder to make sure he wasn’t messing with you. And the way he avoided eye contact, finding the ground a thousand times more interesting than your prying eyes, was proof enough. But of course, you couldn’t help but mess with him. Stopping at the small intersection between corridors, you looked back at him, glancing down the hallway to the superior’s corridor, where your quarters also resided.

“Are you asking me on a midnight date, Captain?” you teased lightly, delighting in the way his eyes shot back to yours, terror written all over his face. Damn, you didn’t think he’d find the idea that disgusting. “Relax, I’m kidding. Sure, I’d love to. Let me get Viktoria to bed and I'll be right with you.” you gestured down the cadet corridor, before Levi sent a nod your way and disappeared back to his own quarters. You smiled a little sadly to yourself. You always hoped one day your feelings towards him would be reciprocated, and yet time and time again are you disappointed. Not that you should be surprised at this point, he’d subtly rejected you too many times now, so really you should be used to it. And yet it still hurts every single time.

You gently placed Viktoria beneath the covers of her bed, removing her jacket, boots and ODM gear straps until she looked like she could sleep fairly comfortably. As a captain, it was your job to look after those who took orders from you, on and off the battlefield. A job you took extremely seriously. Bringing the bed clothes up to tuck her in, you smiled gently down at the unconscious girl. The next couple of days were going to be hell for her, you knew that. But you also knew she had the rest of her squad to support her, and she had you.

Gently closing the door behind you, so as not to disturb her, your next port of call was your own chambers. Just to remove your own jacket and gear straps, not really liking the idea of having to sit through what should be a fun, relaxing experience whilst shifting awkwardly in those tight restraints. You were glad your office quarters were nearer than Levi’s, meaning you could easily stop prior to heading a little further down the hall. Although your heart ceased immediately upon entering. Your blood ran cold at the mere sight of what waited for you on your desk.

A letter. But you recognised that seal. Recognised that slanted, borderline illegible handwriting. Your mother had written to you.

How thoughtful.

You briefly debated whether it was worth ruining your evening over, but you knew if you didn’t open it now, you wouldn’t enjoy your evening anyway. With a deep sigh, you crossed your office, sitting down in your chair simply staring at the envelope with that stupid fucking wax seal, steeling your nerves enough to open it.

Finally deciding to rip off the bandage, you grabbed your ornate letter opener from your desk drawer, and sliced through the sealing wax, almost stabbing the blade into the wood out of preemptive anger. You hated your parents almost as much as they hated you. The emotional abuse, the subtle and not so subtle jabs at everything you do and have done with your life, the snide comments and sharp remarks. God they pissed you off, because they knew every single weakness, and knew exactly how to exploit them. Not only that, but you had been stupid enough to one day confide in your sister, telling her about your feelings for Captain Levi over a couple bottles of wine. Of course the first thing she did was arm your parents with more ammunition with which to harm you in each letter they sent.

This time was no different.

Daughter.

(She couldn’t even be bothered to put your name, for fuck sakes.)

Your father is sick. Very sick. And he requests your presence by his side. For what reason, I’m afraid not even I can fathom. However it is what he asked of me, and therefore it’s what I must make happen.

If you can take five minutes away from your oh-so-important fight for humanity, your own dying father would like to see you. If you can’t even be bothered to do that, then don’t return at all. I’m sure your sister will be extremely happy with the sum of money she will inherit when I inevitably pass away, since you’re too busy playing tin soldiers. It would be nice to see you care for once, but I doubt you’re capable of doing even that.

I read about you in the paper the other day. You and that impressive little captain of yours. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, no? It’s a shame you yourself could never amount to much, although I doubt you could take the pressure of such a title. Send him our regards, would you? It would be a pleasure to discuss your future with him at the next Winter Ball, since you could at least do us the courtesy of marrying well and supporting your family. I have to say, I would pity the poor man if he did end up being stupid enough to put a ring on your finger, but I'd like to think he has a little more sense than that.

(That stung harder than you would like to admit)

I’m wondering when you were going to tell us of your promotion, which was surprising to hear down the grape vine, considering how useless and clumsy you are. Or the most recent failed expedition? However, I can’t imagine that would be groundbreaking news, I often wonder if there really is anything other than hot air in Commander Smith’s head. You really are a brainless sheep following a brainless shepherd aren’t you? You and that whole regiment.

But, I digress, I would have thought you’d at least take some time out to write back to your own father. As for that promotion, who did you have to sleep with to get that? The Commander himself? Or that little captain? I’m impressed. I didn’t think you’d have it in you. But you always were a manipulative little snake, weren’t you? Twisting your poor father until he broke.

If you can take time out of your schedule to see him, do. If not, don’t bother coming home again.

Your’s,

Mother.

You stayed there for a moment, unable to quite believe what you were reading, until two perfect circles dotted the parchment, but you were too caught up in your own incredulous rage to realise you were crying. It took you a second to angrily wipe away your fury from your face, crumpling the letter up in a balled fist, your knuckles turning white before throwing it into your bottom drawer, watching it bounce before falling to the top of a scrunched paper pile.

Your initial decision was right, it seems. This was going to ruin your evening. Your elbows rested on the desk, hands forming a net for your forehead to settle in whilst you attempted to calm yourself. You regulated your breathing, bringing it down from the shortened, shallower breaths to inhale more deeply, automatically soothing your raging emotions. You were not about to let this get to you. You’d received countless letters like this, each one thrown in your drawer, not even deeming them worthy of a response.

She made you feel like shit. She always made you feel like shit. Guilty when you went to see them, guilty when you didn’t go to see them. But now your father was on death’s door. Not that you cared much, you just wished you could be the one that drained the life from his eyes. He didn’t deserve to go quietly, painlessly. Not after everything he did to you.

Taking a deep breath, you stood from your desk, pinching your brow briefly, before once again shaking your head and leaving your office. Maybe tea with Levi was a good idea. Or, alternatively, it could be the worst idea either of you have ever had. This was what was playing in your brain as you approached his door, knocking three times before waiting for an answer that never came.

Confusion scrunched your nose, knocking another three times and waiting again for an answer that never came. Had you heard him wrong? Did he not ask you to meet him? Did he mean another time? Raising your fist to the door for a third time, the wood shook with the force of your knuckles, your foot tapping impatiently as you once again waited for some sign of life. You didn’t have time for this, you could be in your office working on paperwork. Just as you were about to turn and give up, the very man you were looking for spoke up from behind you.

“Maybe if you knock again he’ll answer. He’s a very busy man, you know, he might’ve been out.” you sighed a chuckle, almost instantly relaxing upon hearing his voice.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have to knock four times. I’m a busy woman and yet you’ll find me answering my door before the third.” you turned to see him leaning against the wall, hands concealed in his pockets, looking at you with something you couldn’t quite pinpoint. You mirrored his stance, glancing to the door. “We gonna stand here all night?” you asked, but Levi’s gaze seemed to be stuck on you, unmoving. You shifted a little awkwardly, not entirely sure what to do. “Levi?”

“What happened?” you blinked, unsure as to what he meant. What happened? What happened where? When? You’d lead quite a long life, he’d have to be a little more specific. And as if he could read your mind; “Your mood has shifted. What happened?”

You folded your arms a little defensively. How the fuck did he know?

“So you’re psychoanalysing me now? Just open the damn door.” You rolled your eyes, trying to replace whatever aura or mood or tone he’d just sensed with something a little more laid back.

Levi’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he obliged all the same, his eyes never leaving your face until they literally had to. It was only until you were in his office, could you relax for a bit.

Something was off with you. He hadn’t seen it before when you were holding that cadet, but something had changed since then and now. Levi had always kept the temperature of his office and quarters warm, it was something he preferred being rather cold-blooded, but he noticed your shoulders visibly relax and thanked his previous self for kicking the pipes earlier. The heating in the Scout HQ wasn’t exactly flawless, but it was good enough on the colder winter nights.

He rounded his desk, gesturing for you to take a seat on the sofa as he poured two cups of tea, occasionally glancing back at you. Though you seemed to have relaxed a bit, he could see that familiar tensing in your jaw and the way you scrutinised whatever you were staring at straight ahead of you. He’d only ever seen you like this a few times, and he never managed to get any answers out of you before you went straight back to being your happy, calm self. It was something that drew him to you, not that he’d ever admit it. He couldn’t pinpoint what he felt whenever he was around you, but it was akin to being back with Isabel and Farlan, when their lives weren’t collectively going to shit. You felt somewhat homely, to him.

You were snapped out of whatever trance you’d found yourself in when he placed your tea in front of you, your eyes flicking up to his face in thanks before you took the cup in both your palms, leaning back against the sofa, your ankle crossed over your knee.

“You should have let me do it, today was pretty shit for you,” you swirled the liquid in the teacup as Levi took a seat next to you, quirking a brow in your direction.

“You’re useless at brewing tea,” he muttered bluntly into his drink, glancing at you as you smiled without any actual humour.

“Yeah, yeah I am.” you chuckled emptily, taking a small sip of your drink before putting the teacup down completely. Levi sighed, running a hand through his ebony locks.

“What was up with you today?” he asked, not really knowing how to breach the subject of today’s expedition.

“What do you mean?” you were immediately on the defensive once again.

“Want me to be blunt?”

“Oh you ask now?” okay now you were starting to piss him off.

“Tch, you were sloppy with your kills, you were careless in your movements, half the time it didn’t even look like you were thinking. You were acting like a green-ass cadet.” you let all the shots land, each one of the deepening an insecurity of yours. You’d worked so fucking hard to get to where you are now, and hearing that it was pretty much all for nul and that you were still the same bumbling kid you always were. You wanted to say you were sorry, but you didn’t really get the chance. You were used to this. This was just Levi. He was harsh, he was blunt, this was just him being–

“You were just fucking clumsy out there, throwing your life away at every goddamn opportunity. I understand your squad’s important to you but…”

Levi continued, but you had frozen completely. The fingers that were picking at your dry lips stopped, a faint crimson dusting the tips as his words sunk in. You hadn’t heard anything past those crucial words he’d just spat as if they meant nothing. You stayed staring ahead, unblinking due to the tears lining your lashes, spilling over and down your cheeks. You hadn’t changed. You were still as useless as ever. You never think, like he said. You were still worthless. Why the fuck they gave you a promotion, you’d never know. Maybe you should head to Erwin’s office tomorrow, tell him to demote you back down. You weren’t fit to be a captain, you weren’t fit to be a leader. Were you even fit to be a soldier? Maybe packing everything together and just leaving would be best. Head back home, take care of your sick father, be who your family wants you to be.

Levi noticed you weren’t quipping back like you usually would. It was often the two of you would exchange insults when coming back from an expedition. It took both your minds off the horrors you’d just witnessed, but when he finally turned to you, eyes pinpointing the diamonds on your face, he stopped completely.

He’d made you cry. He’d never seen you cry. He’d never seen you sad, or beaten, or broken. You were one of the strongest people he knew. The real Humanity’s Strongest. And you were crying.

“Hey… you o–”

“I’m sorry,” your fractured whisper sent shards of guilt slashing at his heart. A tear hung on the cliff of your lip, teetering on the edge before sliding into the crevice of your closed mouth, trailing down your chin and onto your folded hands in your lap, another joining soon after. He couldn’t escape the light dancing within the droplets, the little rainbows reflected within. You stayed silent for a moment, Levi not wanting to prompt you before you were ready to talk. Only the slight crackle of candle flame filled the void-like silence before you spoke again. “I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I’m sorry I never was.” you sounded so matter-of-fact. Like this had been drilled into you. Like this was irreversible damage, almost as if…

You’d never spoken about your family, or at least Levi had never heard you speak about your parents openly. “I’ll talk to Erwin tomorrow, get him to demote me and then I’ll hand in my papers. Head back to my family… if they’ll take me,” you looked as if you were talking to yourself, running through your plans in your head with only Levi to witness. It was as if he was now caught in a trance of his own, a spiralling nightmare of your own self-hatred. That he had fueled with his reckless words.

You stood as if you’d just been struck by lightning, your hands gently brushing your cheek, still staring straight ahead before you slowly shifted your gaze back to his.

Levi searched your face, shocked heartbreak creasing his brow. Not necessarily heartbreak over you, but rather heartbreak for you.

You shook your head in disbelief that you’d just said that, out loud, in front of him. All and any words lodged in your throat, you took a step back, before internally deciding it would just be best if you left. Wiping your face with the heels of your palms, you attempted to conceal your face as you went for the door, sweeping past him. And if Levi had been any slower with his reflexes, he would have missed you.

You were stopped by a tight grip on your wrist, a harsh yank pulling you back into the room. Before you really knew what was happening, two arms wrapped around you, securing your body against Levi’s chest.

“Don’t. Please don’t,” you’d never heard him sound so desperate, so quietly longing as he held you in, one hand braced on the back of your head, the other making a home in the dip of your spine. “Don’t go.” Your eyes widened, unshed tears finally carving their way down the trails already made on your face. A strange comfort soothed your veins as you relaxed in his embrace, everything proving too much for your mental walls to handle as they came crashing down. A stifled sob left your throat, Levi’s arms only tightening as he placed his chin atop your head protectively. Every shudder impaled his heart, the way your fists gripped his shirt. Every cracked “I’m sorry.” tore his resolve to shreds until he didn’t think he could hold you any tighter. He didn’t think he could love you any deeper. Smoothing down the back of your head, he didn’t interrupt you. You clearly needed this, and had been needing it for a while. Levi wasn’t stupid. He knew when someone was hurting, he just didn’t know quite how much.

When you’d quietened slightly, and your sobs had ceased, he gently pulled you from his chest, hating how you refused to look him in the eyes when he tilted your head up. Your jaw clenched, as if angry with yourself for losing your grip.

“Levi I’m s–”

“Who said these things to you?” there was no malice in his voice. No hatred, no anger. It wasn’t a question intending to get himself riled up. There was just soft understanding. He knew who’d said these things to you, he just wanted confirmation. Something you weren’t about to talk about because it wasn’t important.

“Nobody, I just let my emotions get the better of me, that’s all. I’m sorry I ruined this…” you went to pull away, eyes fixed anywhere but his face as you turned your head, only to be caught by his fingers on your chin, his tender touch turning you back, preventing you from hiding this any longer.

“Stop. Stop thinking that you have to carry everything alone,” his hand flattened against the side of your neck, his thumb tracing soothing circles under your jaw.

“I don’t want to be any kind of burden, to anyone, and especially not to you,”

“Who said you were a burden?” you stopped again, Levi noticing you gave the same reaction, trying to pull away and forget the entire conversation. But he was so close. He was so close to helping you, to sharing your pain you’d clearly hidden for far too long. And there was no way he was going to give up now. “Who said these things to you?” he asked again, this time earning a different response.

Your eyes returned to his, your mouth forming a thin line as you thought carefully about your answer.

“My mother, mostly. My father, sometimes. My sister, occasionally,” you sucked in a breath. Whatever he made of it, the truth was out. You’d never told anybody this. You couldn’t. You were regarded as a beacon of strength to the Survey Corps, both mentally and physically. If anybody saw you crack, that reputation would be destroyed, and you liked how people felt as if they could come to you with their problems. It made you feel less… well, useless.

Levi’s brows pinched, his wandering fingers tracing delicate lines along the bone structure of your face, caressing your cheekbone, following the line of your jaw, his thumb slowly swiping across your lips. It was only then did you lean into his touch a fraction, almost indistinguishably to anybody other than Levi, who had been paying such close attention to you everything else around drained away. Without thinking, Levi pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, lingering for a moment before tilting your head up once again to look you in the eye, icy steel flicking between your irises.

“You’re not what they say you are. You never have been. You have the skills of a soldier, a fucking great one at that,” you looked away, not really sure what to make of the praise since he was telling you how terrible you were not moments ago.

“Even if my kills are sloppy and my movements are careless and I’m clumsy and I’ve got nothing but air in my head because I don’t think and–”

“You throw your life away at any given moment, yes I know what I said.” Levi hummed, interrupting your self deprecating barrage of insults. “I said those things because I saw what you did today and it scared me. I saw your almost sacrifice and it terrified me because I realised I might not see you as just a peer. But you’re none of those things, you never were. And you are not a burden. You don’t have to shoulder this alone. They’re idiots for not seeing your value, and I’m an idiot for not seeing you before now. I’m sorry I left you alone with this for so long, but I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere,” the sincerity in his eyes had you choked up, disbelieving realisation cleansing your mind, fresh hot tears spilling down your cheeks. Tears that were promptly brushed away by Levi’s knuckles. You nodded, letting him know you had both acknowledged and believed what he’d said before you actually voiced what you were thinking.

“Don’t see me as just a peer, huh?” you smiled a little tearily, though your cheeky mischief shone through your sparkling eyes. It was a look he’d missed so dearly as he rolled his eyes, pretending to regret his loosened tongue, though the slight pull at his lips told you otherwise.

“Would I be holding you like this if I didn’t?” his retort had you blushing madly, as if just realising how close you were to him. And as impossible as it seemed to him, Levi realised he’d just fallen further in love with you. His hand gently cupping the side of your cheek to stop your head from trying to look anywhere else other than him. He wasn’t about to let you go.

“To me, you are everything.”

Your eyes widened again, searching his face for any kind of deceit, but found nothing. Your search was cut short, however, by his lips softly brushing against your’s in an almost-kiss. You could taste the tea and peppermint on his breath, smell the aftershave he used on his skin, see the gentle adoration in his tender gaze before his eyes closed and you met him halfway. Although you were anticipating it, you couldn’t help but gasp slightly as you sealed the gap, your arms instantly snaking around his neck as he kissed you, and you kissed him back.

Levi didn’t go unaffected. He couldn’t be close enough to you, his body craving more of your embrace as one arm circled around your waist, his other hand glued to the side of your neck, alternating between simply resting there and caressing the side of your cheek. Though his movements were slow, languid, his heart was beating faster than he ever thought possible.

Your eyes stayed fluttering close for a second as you separated, before you opened them to Levi’s quiet smile, the back of his hand gently dragging down the side of your face, from your hairline to your jawbone. You turned your head to press a kiss to his slightly scarred knuckles, earning yourself another brush of his thumb over your bottom lip.

Guiding you once again into his chest, you allowed his affection to chase away any childhood demons still lingering in your mind. You knew the path ahead was a long one, having so many repressed insecurities was bound to have taken a toll on your underlying mental health, but that path didn’t seem so lonely with someone to share the journey with.

“Thank you, Levi,” you muttered against his neck, holding him as close to you as you could.

“To me, you are more than enough.” he whispered back, vowing to keep you there in his embrace until he was sure you believed him, no matter how long it took.

[strikethematch18]

lack of love | s.r.

A/N: This one been in the drafts for a while.

Synopsis: You and Suna have an agreement, but you overstep, and he doesn’t like that.

Genre: Angst, fluff, fwb!AU

Warnings: N/A

Pairings: timeskip!Suna x f!reader, fb!Suna x f!reader, 

Word count: 4.7k

Main Masterlist

You lay in bed, your head on his bare chest while a loose sheet is draped over you, feet intertwined and his hand twirling your hair. This seems completely normal and something anyone would swoon over, especially with the way you think Suna is looking at you.

But it’s not.

“You think that if I do that to Atsumu he’d be upset with me?”

“Uh, Rin, I think he’s absolutely loathe you.” You shake your head at him. “He would not like it if you play a prank to sabotage his relationship with her.”

Keep reading

[strikethematch18]

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 - akaashi, iwaizumi

Pairings: Iwaizumi, Akaashi x gn!reader

Notes: this was written at like 2am and edited (half assed) when I was half asleep so I’m very sorry if there is any mistakes, love you guys

Warnings: harsh language, reader gets called clingy, minor arguing, most of this has been done before lmao, very hurt/comfort

― Akaashi

Chances are he got to engrossed in work because it's not like akaashi to forget something like this

Really, he remembers almost everything when it comes to you so when you were still sat alone at 10pm on your birthday, you began to worry something had happened to him

There was no dinner ready and you hadn’t dressed up yet, thinking Keiji would come home and tell you what you were doing

Yet you found yourself ringing his phone for the 5th time that night, this time he answered

“What y/n I’m really busy?” His tone led you to believe he wasn’t in the best mood

You asked him when he would be home and that seemed to set him off

“I told you i had to do things today okay, I won’t be home until later I don’t get why you have to know what I’m doing all the time. Think about me for once”

And with that you hung up, it was obvious what had happened.

Keiji felt guilty yeah, but he did need to work and he knew that he could just apologise when he got home. Sure, it wasn’t like you to just hang up but he figured you were also tired from the long week and left it at that. It wasn’t until he opened his messages he felt his blood freeze.

There, screaming at him from the screen of his phone, was a text from bokuto that read ‘hey, y/n isn’t picking up could you say happy birthday for me man?’

He had to get home.

-

By the time the black haired man had arrived back home, he was soaked from the rain and biting at his nails nervously. The lights in the house were all off and he just hoped to god that you were still inside the house. Even though it would be perfectly within your right to not be.

The living room held a silence that he had never quite hated as much as he did now. The pile of openers cards from your friends seemed to taunt him from the coffee table. How had even atsumu remembered and he hadn’t? He was your boyfriend. He hoped he would still be when he finally found you. You were curled up on your side in your bedroom. Obviously not asleep but not showing any signs of acknowledgment either. Guilt tugged at his stomach.

“Y/n” he started, trailing off

What was he supposed to say to you? ‘Hey sorry I forgot your birthday and called you selfish’. Yeah, great going Keiji.

“Y/n I’m really sorry and I know that probably won’t make it better and I can’t take back what I said to you.” He drew in a shaky breath, “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to forget about you I’ve just been working so hard and-“

A sob cut him off. His soft hand on your shoulder broke your resolve and you allowed him to turn you around.

“Just,” you sobbed, “please don’t do it again Keiji, all I do is think about you”

He wrapped his arms around your shaking form, pulling you into his embrace.

“I know, I should’ve been thinking more about you. I’m so sorry sweetheart, I promise I’ll make it up to you tomorrow”

― Iwaizumi

Hajime had always been a pretty busy person, this was evident ever since you started dating

Now it was his final year though, you had never seen him more stressed

So, you decided to show up to one of his practices on your birthday, for the past 2 years he had always left early or at least with you when it was a special date

And it was your birthday but that didn’t mean you couldn’t treat him too and you know how hard he had been working, so you made a bento

The moment you walked in to the gym it was like everyone but him lit up, the third years came over to say hi and even Kyoutani sent you a quick nod

You tapped your boyfriend on the shoulder and when he didn’t reply you went for a hug, only for him to move at the last minute

“Why are you here y/n?” He asked coldly

You explained to him that you wanted to come see him like always, not mentioning your birthday in case it was a joke, he wasn’t laughing

“A little clingy don’t you think? You text me all day and now you come and interrupt practice? Why are you so needy today damn?”

You just turned and walked out, hoping nobody had heard your conversation

“Hey Iwa aren’t you gonna leave early?” Matsukawa asked him at the end of practice.

“No, why?” He had calmed down significantly now and had forgotten what he said to you

“Uh... cause it’s y/n's birthday?” Makki called from behind the net, “you do it every year, right?”

Iwa dragged his hands down his face. He had been too stressed to even remember what day it was let alone your birthday. And now he had forgotten you completely after making those comments.

“Why would they want to?” Kyoutani growled up from his sweeping, “after what you said to them”

A dozen pairs of eyes seemed to bore into his soul. Guilt had stolen his breath and his head was spinning but he knew he had to go and fix this before it was too late.

-

You were sat on the cold step of your house, sobbing into the sleeves of one of your boyfriends jumpers. You should probably give that back. If your conversation earlier was anything to go by then he wouldn’t be keeping you around much longer. Staring at the fabric, now stained with your tears, you thought about what he said. Maybe you were clingy.

“Y/n!”

You looked up to see a very out of breath Iwaizumi runnning towards you, face flushed

Looking down, you grumbled a quick ‘what?’. You were hurt and the balloons attached to your bag were smacking against the side of your house as if taunting you.

“You know Iwaizumi” he flinched at the use of his last name, “if you wanted to break up, you could at least have the decency not to do it on my birthday”

“No y/n, I would never- I don’t want to break up” he cried, words were failing but he carried on, “I’ve been so stressed looking after the team and Oikawa with his knee I just forgot”

When your eyes met it felt like his heart had broken in two. Your eyes were glistening with unshed tears and you had obvious tear tracks down your face. A nod let him know it was okay to carry on.

“Please, I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to forget, can we try again tomorrow? I’d never hurt you on purpose”

Tears began running down your cheeks again.

You nodded and the man pulled you in for a kiss, not caring about the taste of your salty tears. Murmuring ‘I love you’ against your lips, he pulled you in as close as he could to you. Like he would never let you go.

It might not have been the best birthday but you were content knowing he would always try his best to make up for the things he does.

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this it wasn’t reread or anything so there might be a lot of mistakes I’m sorry but I’m happy if you liked it mwah!

Remember that reblogging helps content creators darlings and that ily very much

[strikethematch18]

Today is really revealing itself to just not being my day...

Tomorrow's my birthday. 25th birthday.

And my mom like half forgot. And it's so stupid that I'm so upset and I feel so childish but I can't help but feel hurt.

Idk, maybe I'm just too sensative and feel things too hard.

I shouldn't have said anything. It's a stupid cake. I should have told her sooner. But I thought...maybe...just maybe...she had decided to take care of it? Just, do the thing and it be a suprise? But she forgot...

So what was our last minute stop? Buying a stupid cake that's the ugliest yet plainest thing so undescript. Not even a cake I really like... and she acts like she doesn't know what kind of cake I like when she bought the same things for years when I was a kid. And crying in my bathroom while my shower runs feels so silly and stupid. Because I should have seen this coming.

Every year since my 19th has been shitty. Nothing special. Hell. I bought myself a small cake most years. And i blamed it on college. I came home for it my first year. Then I was home the second year because of covid. After that, I just stopped coming home and celebrated alone and usually got a phone call at night. I think in 2020 we did and had nothing.

I think adult birthdays just suck at this point, and it's a part of the experience. It already feels like another day anyway, so why am I wasting my stupid tears?

How does going from every day my birthday being on saturday mentioned for the last week turn into "time just got away from me." Telling 3 quarters of the people we saw that tomorrow's my birthday. She fully knew, but never took initiative. I could care less about gifts. I got a few new clothes but that's it, nothing wrapped. Which again, I don't care.

Cake is just my one birthday thing. It's what makes it slightly different from every other day. And that's just so stupid...at least i have one...right?... i think I should have just let it happen.

More than anything I think I just wanted to feel appreciated...and thought of...to not feel forgotten or an afterthought. Maybe that was too much to hope for...

[strikethematch18]

Y'all my anxiety is through the freaking roof.

I took this job because last time I was told to leave early. But like, I'm not sure if can this time.

And i took this specific assignment because of that and i have a doctors appointment in like 2 hours and I need at least an hour to drive there so I need to get out of here soon.

And the one custodian just asked me if i was getting bored yet. Which makes me think I'm stuck and gonna have to cancel my appointment, which I feel so crappy about. But I'm also like borderline anxiety attack about asking.

Adding: and i just want to say there is no point to me even being here right now. I will have no classes. This teacher has a technical 3, and they were this morning.

And screw borderline asking anxiety attack. I'm just full on fighting having one regardless.

Adding part 2: on her schedule it has like

12:30-end of day "open - feel free to go go check out.....".

So like...does that mean I'm allowed to go? Or do I have to stay till end of day???

[strikethematch18]

Let me tell you all how my *almost* 25 year old self had a piece of current teenage lingo click reading fucking fan fiction. And it's so simple I think i knew but it just never had that realization so now I feel stupid.

I've mentioned it, but I'm a substitute teacher, 6th grade through 12th. Just so you know what I'm working with here.

Reading a wonderful little haikyuu piece here on tumblr. Something along the lines of "will spoon you in public deadass"

The important part of that sentence is the way "deadass" is used. Because it just, never not made sense?

But the youngins use the phrase "on god"

Which to a degree made sense, but I just needed it to click with a comparison.

We can all agree on its just another way of saying "i swear" in terms of truth or what we believe to be true, right?

SO ON GOD IS JUST A VERSION OF DEADASS?!

[strikethematch18]

Can I please get an emergency request? A scenario where their s/o is feeling super touch-starved? With Lev, Iwaizumi, and Sakusa please? Thank you so much 🥺

lev, iwaizumi, sakusa with a touch-starved s/o 

a/n: i haven’t had skin-to-skin contact in 8 months and ... :(( trying to hang in there too. until i searched up touch-starved on google just now, i didn’t even realize that it’s an actual thing and how serious it is :’

lev: 

- this man is a sucker for cuddles. as much as he likes being the big spoon, being the little spoon makes him feel giddy inside 

- if you want some extra affection, he’ll be happy to provide. lev is a really flexible person who can fit your needs, besides, he loves your touch 

- it’s almost impossible to be touch-starved around lev? he can be quite clingy at times and is always initiating hugs. back hugs. 

- random head and thigh rubs here and there

iwaizumi: 

- iwaizumi knows how important human contact is and how the lack of it can lead to detrimental effects. hugs are regular

- “y/n, you don’t look too happy,” he’ll open up his arms with a soft smile, waiting for you to reciprocate 

- imagine iwaizumi giving you a massage

- he loves the way your hand fits in his

- he’ll cover the both of you in a heavy, weight blanket together. your body warmth will spread to him and his body warmth will spread to you; overall, it’s cozy 

sakusa:

- he’s not the best at initiating skinship. only giving you a few kisses here and there until he notices how you cling to him when sleeping, that’s when he realizes you may be touch-starved

- just go to him whenever you want, it’s not like he’ll shoo you away. as long as if he’s not busy, you can go up to him at anytime and sit in his lap or lay on his chest

- sakusa’s not too into hand-holding but he loves it when you cling onto his arm 

- he’s also touch-starved but is too embarrassed to admit he craves your touch, “y/n...i’m cold...and blankets don’t help” 

- long hot baths together (when you walk out your skin is all wrinkly, sakusa will laugh because his isn’t)

[strikethematch18]

Touch Starved | Sakusa Kiyoomi

Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi x gn!reader

Wordcount: 1.4k

Genre: fluff, angst (if you squint)

Summary: Things had been going well with your boyfriend until you kissed him. Now, your dear Kiyoomi was acting strange. Had you gone too far too fast? Why was Sakusa acting so weird?

A/N: This is the first time I’ve ever posted on Tumblr in my life! Please bear with me if the formatting turns out all wonky. Also, this is the first time I’ve written for HQ!!, so it may be a little OOC.

It had been a while since you’d spent time with Sakusa, let alone since he asked you to spend time with him. You were the one to initiate things usually. You confessed first, you planned your first date, you held his hand first, and, you were the reason you two had even kissed at all. Ever since then—since you kissed him while sitting in his living room, watching a horrible romcom, Sakusa had been acting differently. He hardly even held your hand anymore.

You knew Sakusa was a germaphobe, that he had trouble with physical contact. You were trying desperately to chalk his behavior up to that, but you had to admit that he was acting strange. Even now, after he asked you out of the blue to come to his practice, he was hardly acknowledging you. When you brushed your hand against his, trying to elicit some kind of reaction, maybe even hoping that he would reach back and hold your hand in his, like he’d started doing not too long ago, he quickened his pace to the gym, leaving you trying to catch up. 

When you arrived at the gym, Sakusa was already set up on the other side of the court, rooting through his bag, probably looking for sanitizer. You sighed, pulling out a little personal bottle from your purse, squirting some on your own hands (a habit you’d picked up from your boyfriend). As you rubbed your hands together, you felt a hand on your shoulder. Whipping your body around, a mop of yellow and one of orange entered your line of vision.

“Tsum-Tsum!” you squealed, wrapping your arms around him, relishing in the feeling of his arms instantly responding by enveloping you. If you were being honest, you missed this feeling. You missed touch, the warmth of another body against your own. Even just the intimacy of knowing someone else wanted to touch you, as well. You’d been holding off for Sakusa, trying to make him feel comfortable in your relationship, giving him time. But you would be lying if you said that you were always happy about how Sakusa felt about physical touch. You hated to admit it, but you were touch starved.

“Heya,” Atsumu chuckled, removing his arms from you and patting you on the head. “We’ve missed you at practice. What’ve you been up to? Where’ve you been?”

As you opened your mouth to answer him, you were interrupted by your favorite tangerine tackling you in a soul-crushing hug. 

“He’s right! We’ve missed you coming to watch us practice so much! It’s not fair that Omi’s keeping you all to himself!” Hinata whined, pouting whilst still bear hugging you. 

“Well, he is my boyfriend,” you smiled, starting to tell the two of them that you just hadn’t been able to come to watch them lately; that you were busy. You didn’t have the heart to tell them that something had been off with your dear Omi. 

If you weren’t so focused on touching and talking to his teammates, you might’ve noticed Sakusa’s dark glare. He was staring intently at the interaction, listening to every word you said. You had lied for him, saying that you had been busy. You hadn’t been busy, he thought, he just wasn’t inviting you anymore.

Ever since you kissed Sakusa, he hadn’t known what to do. It was so overwhelming, so much. Too much. When you kissed, all these new feelings had started to bubble in his chest. He wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to touch you. He wanted to do everything with you that the people in that horrible romcom you were watching together when you first kissed did. But, something held him back. He didn’t know where to go from here. He was scared. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t know. And besides, he didn’t even like touching people. So why did he feel a pang in his chest at the sight of Hinata’s arms wrapped around your frame?

The drive back to Sakusa’s apartment was silent. The air was tense. You were surprised that Sakusa had invited you to come back to his apartment. This wasn’t unusual per se. Almost every time you watched him at practice, he’d invite you over. Sometimes you’d make dinner for the both of you while he showered, and then you’d eat together and maybe watch a movie until you needed to go home. There was something uncomfortable about the atmosphere now though. Sakusa seemed almost grumpy. His brows were furrowed, and you could tell something was on his mind. 

You didn’t cook dinner today. Sakusa had told you he had leftovers from something he made the other night, so you decided to laze around his apartment while he showered. Deciding to throw on some dumb romcom (your favorite thing to do at Sakusa’s apartment), you pulled out a soft blanket and curled up on the couch. Suddenly, you felt very aware of the warmth the blanket was giving you. It reminded you of the feeling of Atsumu’s and Hinata’s arms around you. Or even just the feeling of Sakusa’s hand around your own. You missed that feeling. 

Feeling a little down all of a sudden, you grabbed a pillow and held it tight to your chest, trying to simulate what it might be like to hug your boyfriend.Sakusa emerged from the bathroom, hair still damp. You hadn’t noticed his gaze lingering over you. He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling his chest tighten. I should be there, he thought, wanting nothing more than to be curled up with you. to hell with being scared, Sakusa wanted nothing more than this, than you. He made a silent resolve and walked towards you.

Your head perked up at the sound of Sakusa’s footsteps coming towards you, surprise spreading across your face as he made a beeline straight towards you, sitting right next to you. This was definitely weird. He had never chosen to sit this close to you, and you had always tried to keep a respectful distance for his sake. 

He looked huffy. Your brows knitted together. You were worried; why was your Kiyoomi acting so strange? 

Sakusa let out a small huff, face dusted in light pink. Damn, why was this so hard for him? 

“Sakusa, what’s wrong?” You questioned him, worry evident on your face. 

He grimaced at you, hesitantly reaching out and taking the pillow that you had been holding on to so tightly. 

Not so hard, he thought to himself, a little less scared. without uttering a word, he took your now empty hands in his own and placed your arms around his neck in an embrace. More confident now, Sakusa placed his hands at your waist, wrapping his arms around his body. Blush now deeper, he laid his head against your chest, mumbling something. 

“What’s wrong, Sakusa?” You repeated, seriously worried by his strange behavior.

“Don’t… Don’t call me that,” he mumbled into your chest, going limp against you. Was he… was he cuddling you? 

He liked this. He liked you. He didn’t know what to say or what to do, but this seemed like where he was supposed to be.

Surprised but happy, you stayed still for a while. Working up a bit of confidence, you decide to lace one hand through his hair, running your fingers through it.

“Omi-Omi,” you say, using his pet name, seeing the corner of his lips turn up only slightly, “is this okay?” 

Sakusa only responds by sighing in contentedness, tightening his hold on you. Why was he so scared before? This was perfect. It felt right. He snuggled into you further, not knowing what to say to you. 

“I thought you didn’t like this kind of stuff?” You hummed, utterly enjoying the contact with your boyfriend. This is what you wanted so badly, and it was everything you dreamed of and more. His body emitting a pleasant warmth, his breath fanning your neck ever so lightly. You could finally feel him.

He blushed even deeper, burying his face further into your chest. Boy, was your boyfriend emotionally constipated.

You heard him mumble something, again unable to make out what he was saying. 

“What was that?” 

“I…” Sakusa said, just loud enough for you to hear, “I liked it when you kissed me…”

“But?” You prodded, knowing there was more to this story.“But,” he huffed, “I didn’t know what to do after. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.” He sighed. 

 “But, I like this. This is nice.” He closed his eyes, his slight smile still gracing his lips.

You smiled in return, content with this, with him. You placed a kiss on his now soft hair in response, the pleasant smell of his shampoo wafting off of it. 

“Besides,” he grunted, “I was… jealous of those idiots at practice.” 

[strikethematch18]

OK. Well I've been dying for this scenario hope you write it! So it's basically Sakusa w/ an affectionate so though since she respects him, always tries to keep physical contact at min and she never told him that she would love to be nearer to him and closer with him and how she longs for his touch she always acts like she's all good n chill. K what would happen if Sakusa find out about it? I've always dreamed that he would find out when so's friends like 'even we see you are touch starved'

oooo i like this idea! thank you for requesting! i hope i wrote it the way you wanted :)

Touchstarved

sakusa kiyoomi x reader

genre: fluff!!

synopsis: Sakusa realizes that you have been holding yourself back from giving him affection due to his hate of germs and even though he's very grateful for it, he starts to yearn for your affection and soon realizes that it's also vice versa for you.

Having a relationship with Sakusa was a bit tough at first. You had to hold yourself back most of the time since you didn't want to make him uncomfortable or anything.

Usually you're friends would notice how much you held yourself back from being affectionate with Sakusa, like the straying hand that was held at the side of your hip always aching to reach out and hold onto his hand just right next to yours

Or the way you would restrain yourself from giving Sakusa a hug when you got extra happy over something like a good test score, all you could do was give him a smile as your way of showing how happy you were

Everyone understood why you did this because they knew how much of a germaphobe Sakusa was, but they still felt bad when they realized just how touchstarved you would become.

Sakusa also noticed later in your relationship how much you would hold yourself back when you were with him and as much as he was thankful for it he would also grow jealous of how you gave everyone else all your affection and he knew that's just who you were but he ended up starting to yearn for that affection too.

He kept it to himself for awhile but he felt like he needed to tell someone, vent to them as to why he felt this way and hopefully come to a conclusion and a solution on how to deal with this because he never liked the idea of hugs, holding hands, or stuff like that so why does he now? why does he all of a sudden want to share all this affection with his partner?

So he choose the one person he trusted the most, his cousin Komori.

Komori was actually one of your best friends and probably the main reason you and Sakusa ended up together and he knew about the way you held yourself back when around his cousin.

So Komori listened to Sakusa's troubles and actually wanted to laugh that Sakusa didn't figure it out sooner.

"You're touchstarved Kiyoomi. And it's a good thing because y/n is too"

Sakusa didn't fully understand what Komori was telling him.

Touchstarved?

To say he was confused was an understatement and he was glad Komori noticed and started to explain what it meant.

"You both want each other's affection so bad that you don't even notice the other wants the same" Komori chuckled watching Sakusa's face contort from confusion to realization

✿✿✿✿✿

It was after practice for Sakusa and he was exhausted after all the training his team had endured, but seeing you waiting by the benches made the aches in his muscles seem like a memory.

"Hey Kiyoomi! Are you ready to go?" You asked with a smile that made his heart do circles everytime he saw it.

"Yes, my love." He said as he walked to your side and started the walk to your house.

It was the routine for the both of you by now, for Sakusa to walk you home after practice since you would often come watch him play.

He always insisted to walk you though, even after brutal practices when all he wanted to do was lay down in bed and go to sleep.

He just needed the reassurance that you got home safe and waiting for a simple text that you did get home would cause too much anxiety for him so he took the next option, which was to walk you there himself.

As you both walked you started talking about your day explaining how your seat partner got in trouble trying to pass a note to you asking for the homework answers.

"Then she read it to the whole class! I was so embarrassed and I made sure he got an earful once class ended." You looked over at Sakusa to see if he was following what you were saying but you instead saw him looking a bit conflicted.

"Kiyoomi? Is everything okay?" You started to reach out for his hand but stopped yourself bringing your hand back to your side, and Sakusa had most definitely noticed that.

"Have you always done that? Restrain yourself from touching me?" He inquired softly and saw the way you had tensed up but you then slowly relaxed yourself and put on a smile for him.

"You don't have to phrase it like that" You chuckled, crossing your arms around your chest.

"You avoided the question." He stopped walking and led you to a nearby bench. He needed to talk to you about this now because he knew it was eating you up on the inside just like it was for him.

He sat you down with him taking off his mask and taking hold of your hands. You looked at him in shock about to pull your hands away but he held onto them, shaking his head. "Can we please talk about it?" He whispered out hoping you would understand what he is trying to do.

You paused, looking at how carefully he held onto your hands making you feel a bit more calm about the situation before answering him

"Okay but promise me this isn't making you uncomfortable or anything." You said back at him and smiled when he held out his pinky.

"I promise." He said taking a hold of your own pinky and then letting it go. You laughed at him taking his hand in yours once more. "I've always thought pinky promises were the best kind of promises."

"Yeah I think you've rubbed off on me" He said with a chuckle then looking at you with a smile.

"Love, please know that if you want to be affectionate with me that it's alright. I know that I can be very pushy about the germs but I want us both to be happy in this relationship" He said and when you looked at him you could tell he was being genuine.

"Omi you're going to make me cry, I love you and I'll try to communicate with you better" You assured him by giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

His smile still remained getting bigger at your words. "I love you too y/n and if I'm being honest I was getting jealous of all the affection you were giving everyone else but me." He admitted with a slight blush forming on his face that was made noticeable from the street lamp illuminating the both of you.

You laughed "Oh really? I'll definitely make up for that." You leaned forward and leaned your forehead against his with a huge smile that replicated Sakusa's.

"Can I give you a hug?" You whispered to him making sure that a hug wouldn't be that big of a step for him.

He hummed moving away from you, letting go of your hands and opening his arms indicating that it was alright with him. You immediately wrapped your arms around him almost knocking the wind out of him before he chuckled hugging you back.

You let go of him after a couple of seconds and reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers together. "I think it's time we leave before my parents start to worry about me." You said standing up with him following you and putting his mask back on.

You started talking about your day again while Sakusa nodded along with what you were saying this time, enjoying the way your hand felt in his.

[strikethematch18]

Invalidating s/o's feelings/efforts

note: Heyyaaa! I'm back with Kokonoi Crumbsz~

word count: 2,496

character: Kokonoi Hajime

tw: cursing, mention of cuts and bleeding, insults

genre: light angst/fluff (comfort)

You’re almost done with the interior design of your new apartment, you just have to hang the frames you bought at the store with the pictures of you and your boyfriend, Kokonoi Hajime in it. You spent the two weeks putting in all of your efforts to make the apartment not just one to be called home but to feel exactly a home where both of you would belong and feel safe. You did everything alone, from choosing and putting on the wallpapers, selecting and moving the furniture from one place to another, buying machines, plates, utensils to be used for the kitchen, and groceries to fill up the fridge. This isn’t such a big deal for you as you understood that your boyfriend usually spends a lot of time on work and usually he’s assigned for the business trips. So this time, as you were given the right by Koko to do whatever you think will make your home cozy and liveable, you exerted all of your endeavours to match the satisfaction of your boyfriend’s rich taste.

Today marks the day that Koko will be back from the trip, and you were hurrying with some finishing touches and even turning on the new humidifier you bought with Koko’s favorite essential oil. Keeping the temperature inside the unit not too cold and not too warm, and setting the lights not too bright but enough to light the apartment up.

After a few minutes of walking around the house making sure that everything is neat and perfect, the front door clicked and revealed your boyfriend who looked so tired from the trip, he went inside pulling his baggage, and removed his shoes.

“Hey hun,” you sweetly greeted and made your way towards him, cupping his cheek and moving a few strands of his hair covering his face. “How was work?” you asked before you placed both of your hands on his neck and leaned in for a kiss which Koko just plainly received.

“Tiring,” he replied and walked past you without sparing you a glance after the kiss. You just shrugged it off, thinking that tonight won’t be Koko’s night, you followed behind him and pulled the baggage he left at the front door.

You clearly know that his work is a little too tiring and you’re used to your boyfriend’s mood when he’s so tired, so you didn’t give much thought about the way he acted as you’re well aware that he’s going to cool his mind off first before he talks to you about work and how stressed he got, while you comfort him and laugh with some of his stories from work.

“Have you eaten on your way home, hun? Want me to heat some food–” you offered once the two of you reached the living room. Koko was just standing, looking around the apartment, “Oh I already bought everything and designed the interiors–”

“Y/n what is this?” he asked, holding his side temple. “What the fuck is this mess!?” he shouted and looked at you.

“I– I did what you told me to.” you stepped back, as you looked away from his pressuring glare, “I thought you’d like it, when you c–come home with the stuff already ready and placed in their respective areas.” you reasoned, you got confused a little thinking back to the week where Koko was just about to leave for work, you remembered clearly that he asked you to make the house a home, and you know too well that you understood the assignment.

“The apartment looked so full! How am I supposed to stretch and walk around when everything’s lying around?! It’s so messy!” he said, kicking the arranged box near the sliding window, causing the packaging peanuts to spill. “And what are these!? You’re trying to build a garden when our unit is this small!?” He plucked one leaf from the plants you bought yesterday for the bohemian style at the mini terrace you had set up. “Seriously, White walls?! What are we? Patients?!” he asked. A lot more insults were thrown towards the efforts you’ve done for the past weeks, you even left work early and ignored the overtime pay for this, yet your boyfriend didn’t even appreciate the things you did for the shared home, it hurts you.

“You’ve got some useless stuff hanging on the wall too! Fuck– when morning comes I don’t want to see anything unnecessary here, okay?! We’re going to return stuff, and change the wallpapers. Damn, just by looking at the house, it feels so stuffy.” Then he stormed to your bedroom, slammed the door, and let out a frustrated scream.

You bitterly smiled to yourself a little, ‘he might have seen the other frames at the cabinets.’ Honestly speaking you’re deeply hurt, who wouldn’t be? You’ve poured your heart out in this, only thinking about how happy and how Koko would appreciate you by having you do this for him, for the shared home you both planned for a long time now. But he just shattered all of your thoughts just by his words. He didn’t even mind talking to you about it calmly, and carefully saying that he just didn’t like it to avoid hurting your feelings. It won’t be a big deal to you if he just said it calmly or said what he doesn’t like about the things you did, instead he generalized that everything you did is something worthless of his time and appreciation, and that hurts deeper.

You took a photo of the living room, kitchen, and terrace as your final appreciation for your efforts before you decided to pack everything out. You got the box near the sliding window and started to pick up the packaging peanuts which were scattered on the floor. You removed the things he told you earlier that he doesn’t want to see near the t.v., the table, and the blankets that were placed on the sofa, taking out the figurines from their places, and carefully placing them on their boxes. You removed the photos from the frames, and gently covered each picture frame with newspapers to avoid the glasses breaking. It took you four and a half hours to finish emptying the living room and the mini terrace. You pushed the box towards the main hall of the house and taped it well, this way it would be easy to pick it up by the door when you both go to the store to return everything.

“Koko?” you knocked on your bedroom door, wanting to get in to pack the stuff in there, but when you got no response, you decided to leave Koko alone, since you got the feeling that he’s currently sleeping. You sighed and walked away from the door. “I hope he’ll calm down when he wakes up, everything’s almost back to before when he left for the trip. You’re doing really great, Y/n! Only the kitchen’s left, and you’re done!” you cheered yourself, as tears form with each and every word. “Ehem. Yeah, you did great!” you said one more time and hugged yourself for comfort. You cried for a few minutes before deciding to stop after you keep on thinking about how you behaved the past two weeks, coming to a conclusion, that may be or sometimes when you’re over-excited you could get overboard, ‘right, I never asked for Haji’s opinion, yet here I am impulsively bought things that I was never sure if he’d like it. We’re still two different people, with different tastes after all.’ you thought.

At last, you went to the kitchen and took out the set of plates, utensils, wine glasses, and normal water glasses to put away, but your arms bumped on the last box of wine glasses causing it to fall and break on the floor. “Shit.” you cursed, and hurriedly picked the pieces panicky, you didn’t want to trouble your boyfriend before he even came out of the room, you moved faster but got a deep cut on your hand during the process. “Shit. I have to finish before he comes out–” you ignored the bleeding and continued picking up the shards of the glasses, “What the hell happened?!” you heard Koko and felt the vibrations of his steps walking towards the kitchen. He didn’t see you immediately, as you were behind the kitchen counter, and only the top of your head was visible to his sight.

“Oh, sorry Haji. You must’ve woken up by the sound,” you said, not even glancing at him, and continued with what you were doing, but you winced when another piece of glass cut two of your fingers. “Shit, why does this keep on cutting me?” you quietly questioned yourself, so far you had three cuts, one deep cut, and those two shallow cuts on your thumb and pointing finger.

“What are you doing?” Koko asked, a little uninterested, observing the place from the living room, and the dark terrace, before he walked towards you his eyes went wide when he saw you wiping the blood off your hands on your shirt.

“Shit babe, what happened?!” he kneeled before you, avoiding the shards that could hurt him, he grabbed both of your hands and examined the wounds. “Oh, nothing. I bumped the box and it fell.” you said. “Let me see it,” he said, holding your hands firm this time. “Later, let me finish this first.” you stubbornly said, and pulled your hands back before touching the pieces again and placing it on the plastic you prepared for its disposal.

“Y/n! You’re bleeding!” he raised his voice and looked at you, but you were only focused on picking the glass shards. “Y/n? C’mon let’s treat you,” he said. He was about to grab your hand again when you looked at him and a few tears fell.

“Later, love. Let me get this done first,” you said and was about to touch your face to wipe the tears, but he stopped you. “No, we will treat this now.” he firmly said, standing up, but stopping midway when you didn’t budge.

“Fine, then I’ll help you.” he crouched down and started to pick up a few pieces and place them inside the plastic. “Just sleep Haji, I can manage this.” but he didn’t listen.

“Haji, just let me do this alone. I can clean this mess up. I’ve made this, and it’s only my responsibility to clean it.” you said, before cutting yourself one more time, this made your boyfriend sigh and roll his eyes. “Stubborn,” he whispered and carried you out the kitchen.

“Haji, the gla–”

“Shut up or you’ll get these wounds treated at the hospital.” he threatened you, “It’s just shallow wounds–”

“If it’s shallow, you won’t bleed like this. For fuck’s sake, what’re you even thinking, bare-handed picking up those glasses.” you sat quietly as he went to the bathroom to look for first aid. “Here. Let me see.” he kneeled in front of you and offered his hands for you to place your palm there. “Tsk, this one’s deep, but it won’t need stitches.” he blew on your hand before he started to clean the sides of the wounds. The both of you stayed silent the whole time he was treating you. The silence even made Koko feel deaf, if not for the sound of your little whimpers, he’d think he’s treating nothing but air.

“You said to clean up the mess,” you said after he finished with the bandages.

“But I didn’t say that you should recklessly clean it–”

“That’s not what I mean.” you stood up and went to the kitchen with a broom and a dustpan.

Koko was left in the living room dumbfounded, ‘I told her to clean the mess? When did I?’ he thought. He scanned the apartment once again, and he suddenly felt cold.

‘Did the house change while I was gone?’ he asked himself, ‘but were the lights a little warm earlier and– Oh Hajime you’re screwed.’ he beat himself to the bones as his conscience started to repeat the events in his mind earlier when he saw the packed boxes lined up at the main hall.

He guiltily made his way towards the kitchen and saw you tying the plastic of broken glasses. Your back is facing him, giving him access to back hug you and placing his forehead on the space between your neck and shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” he quietly said, you felt him inhaling your scent and sighed, “I didn’t mean anything I said earlier.” you didn’t respond, so he hugged you tighter and slowly swayed the both of you.

“I’m really sorry. Please let me correct my mistakes, my love,” he said, his sincerity touching your heart, easily forgiving him for what he had said earlier.

“Don’t forgive me so easily, please? I failed to be a good boyfriend.” he continued swaying and slowly turned you around to face you. You clearly saw the guilt swimming in his eyes and how his lips trembled as he continued with his apologies.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to vent out my irritation on you earlier. I am so wrong.” his voice soft, he cupped your cheek with one hand, and held your uninjured hands with his other free hand, placing it on his left chest. “I appreciate everything you have done, love. Everything was perfect the moment I arrived earlier. I am sorry for saying those things when I really didn’t mean anything about it.” he kissed your forehead three times and gently connected his forehead on yours as he stared right through your ears as if he was sending all of his sorry, and sincerity with every ‘i love you's he’s now saying.

“I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you showered this home with all of your heart. I love how you made this home feel like a real home. I love you so much. Will you please give me a chance to make things right?” this time you cupped his face and nodded.

“Only if we talked about what we wanted to put and do everything in this house.” you said, “Everything you did earlier is great! Let’s redo it tomorrow–”

“No. I want you to choose some stuff that you’d like to add to our house. I just realized that I am also not living in this house alone, but I am living with you, Haji. I want you to leave traces of the things you like too in this house.”

After you said that, your boyfriend softened his eyes with relief and at the same time how he felt lucky that you were his partner.

“God. I’m so fucking lucky to have such a wonderful person beside me.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“I know.” you teased as Koko made a frown but smirked after,

“That only means, I have to do better.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! Hoped you liked it! Oh! Here are my master list ^^ stay hydrated and keep safe loves!

Please support or donate for me on Patreon and Ko-fi as well! (I'll be posting the commissions and other requests! I'll give my best with all of your support! )

[strikethematch18]

[strikethematch18]

OH. MY. GODS.

THE YAKUZAS GUIDE TO BABY SITTING IS CUTENESS OVERLOAD.

ITS SO WHOLECOME.

[strikethematch18]

Comforts

(Remus Lupin x Female Reader)

(Not my gifs, credit goes to the creators)

Main Masterlist

Requested by: Anon

Requests: Open

Fandom: Harry Potter (The Marauders Era)

Request: ‘Remus lupin x fem reader where she just had a bad day and everything hurts and just wants comfort’

Thank you so much for requesting. Please, do say if you want any changes. I tried to get forward the bad day, and there is comfort at the end, do not worry, and it is all Remus content.

Warnings: Swearing. 

Words: 1.3K

Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction, the scenarios, the reader, and the dialogue are all mine.This should only be found on my blog.

Author is always me on this blog @daydreams-magic01​.

A/N: Please do not copy or plagiarise this, or put it in your own book, etc. It should only be found here. Also, please mention if I should make a taglist and if you wanted to be added. I also tried by best at being British.

Thank you.:)

Taglist:

@regulusblackswhorecrux​

Keep reading

[strikethematch18]

hello there! first of all i just wanted to say that i love your blog and your fics!! based on the yule ball one (the relationship between remus and reader i mean), could i please request one where the reader either faints or have a panic attack while teaching and the students call remus to help? sorry if that was too specific lol you’re the best:)

⚠️TW⚠️ panic attack.

A/n: this is based off of my own experiences of having a panic attack and what calms me down. Not everyone is the same. Also sorry to this anon for it taking so long. Thank you for requesting 💜

��Today is going to be a good day!” That’s what you have been saying for the last few hours. But unfortunately your manifestation was not working. Your day had been the worst one in months, maybe even weeks. Everything just seemed to go wrong: none of your classes had listened to you, Fred and George had practiced their transfiguration on another student and then hexed them. To be honest all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball in bed and cuddle your husband, Remus. But you knew that was not going to happen.

It was around 10 minutes before your last lesson and you were praying that maybe you could have maybe just an hour of peace but the universe really had it in for you today. You rounded the corridor, the one near your classroom to find two 4th year girls punching each other and pulling the each other’s hair. A large group of people had crowded around them. You sighed as you walked over to the group. You had to push your way through the crowed to get to the girls. It took you 15 minutes, a black eye and multiple bruises to get the girls apart. To managed to hustle your class into the room and disperse the rest of the group. You sighed as you followed the last of your students into the classroom. A pit in your stomach was being to form; you knew that you needed to calm down and eliminate stress quickly otherwise something would happen.

Other then the 4th year fight, you class was going pretty well. You currently had a 3rd year class and we’re letting them do some independent revision for their upcoming test. You looked down at the pile of seventh year papers that you needed to Mark and grade. You felt the pit in your stomach form again. You tried taking deep breaths but it felt like you were suffocating. Tears started to pour from your eyes as your breathing became more raged. You were too focused on trying to calm yourself down that you missed concerned students crowding around your desk.

“Professor?” They concernedly asked. They didn’t get a reply from you and that was deeply unnerving. The kids watched as you clawed at the collar of your shirt; like it was strangling you. “Anyone else think we should get Professor Lupin?” A small blond girl named Lily asked. She actually reminded you a lot of your late friend. Mumbles of agreement floated around the classroom. It wasn’t like yours and Remus’s relationship was a secret- actually it was far from that. Every year, students would send you presents or a card for your wedding anniversary. It was quite sweet actually.

4 students left your classroom and ran towards the other end of the school where the DADA classes were located. They burst through the door and all started shouting at once. The older professor and his 7th year class looked towards the young 3rd year students; who were severly out of breath. The 4 kids all started speaking at the same time: so professor Lupin had to stop them and ask for one person to talk at a time. Harry spoke up first; “Professor L/n is having a panic attack”. Harry didn’t even need to finish his sentence before Remus ran out of the door yelling ‘class dismissed’. The 4 original kids from your class ran after him, leaving the class of 7th years incredibly confused.

Remus rushed into your classroom, doors slamming on the walls behind them. He rushed over to your hunched up figure. The fist thing he did was place is robe over your shoulders, this way you can smell him and know he is there. He then started searching your draws of your desk; looking for the chocolate frog that you keep for emergencies. One he found it he placed it next to you and took your hands in his. “Y/n. Y/n.” He knew that you could hear him because you slightly squeezed his hands. He brought both of his hands and yours to his chest, placing them there so you could focus of the beating of his heart. He told you to take some deep breaths in and out and try to match his breathing. It took around 5 minutes before your heart rate slowed to a relatively normal rate. “Hey, hey. Look at me love” Remus spoke softly. You reluctantly looked at hi, embarrassed that this had happened. “It’s not your fault ok? Eat this you’ll feel better” he said passing you the chocolate frog from earlier. Whilst you nibbled on that, Remus dismissed the class, sending them to their common rooms. The class disbursed until it was only the two of you left. “You alright doll?” He asked concerned. You nodded. “I’m sorry Rem, I didn’t mean to drag you out of your class.” You responded quietly, honesty still a little embarrassed. “Don’t apologise love, you couldn’t help it. Now let’s get you to bed so you can relax.” The two of you rose from the floor. Remus linking his hand in yours, leading you to your room.

Tag list:

@msmimimerton @sleep-paralysis-spirit

[strikethematch18]

Okay y'all. I'm at work. should absolutely be working on my teaching certification but instead I'm working on downloading fics.

I've done this a few times now, but it's going faster now that I have more than one USB A port to work with. so I can use my mouse.

However. I feel the need to share that I am about to start page 5 of 13 of my bookmarks. I didn't really start bookmarking until a few months ago but I figured I would start there.

I don't know how many that equates to, but I haven't even hit a full GB yet. And that includes multipart fics, and series on top of oneshots.

I literally got a 64GB drive, HOW MUCH CAN I FIT ON THIS TINY STICK

[strikethematch18]

my perfect girl | remus lupin x reader

"You stay right there, dove," he said warmly.

"I need to get dressed," you said. Your chest was tight enough that the words were a struggle.

"You need to sit there looking pretty for a second while we catch our breath," he said, crouching in front of you, eyebrows creased in concern.

summary you’re anxious about your appearance. remus comforts you.

warnings hurt/comfort, fluff, anxiety, mental health issues.

requested here | masterlist

Maybe I should change, you thought. Oh, but Remus would be picking you up soon enough, and you didn't want to mess him around. He was handsome and lovely and smart, and he liked you, despite everything.

You tugged your shirt in annoyance. You were trying not to be upset about how it hugged your tummy and failing, twisting this way and that in the mirror to assess how you looked with a scornful eye.

On days like today where you struggled with your appearance you were hard pressed to believe a guy like Remus fancied you at all. You'd always been very insecure about how you presented yourself and as a result found yourself either so shy it was awkward or so boisterous it was jarring. It felt impossible to live in a happy medium, and difficult to be yourself. You'd found sanctuary with Remus, your almost boyfriend – he made you feel like the loveliest person on planet earth, was always generous with compliments and soft touches that made you feel as though you were something precious enough, like you'd been labelled handle with care.

What use was it? You looked silly. Everything was wrong; your hair wouldn't sit right, lank and frizzy at once; your makeup looked rushed; you hated your outfit, and the body beneath it.

You pulled the blouse off and looked for another. Perhaps you should swap it out for a dress? You kicked off your shoes and trousers and fought your way into a pair of stockings and found yourself looking in the mirror at your legs unhappily. You had to pity yourself, laughing weakly at your messy hair and your tired eyes. Disliking yourself was exhausting, it was all extremely exhausting.

The doorbell rang. You were teary eyed and half naked, not at all prepared for his arrival.

You pulled on the top you'd been wearing this morning, a dishevelled t-shirt Remus had lost to you a few days ago. You worried at your nails as you walked to the door, and figured that even though you weren't fond of how you looked Remus had proven a few times now that he definitely was, and so you opened the door with a sorry already on your lips.

He was dressed in a t-shirt and a smart jacket, a bouquet of roses dangingly from his fingers, upside down. He pulled them up when you appeared, petals upended and drifting to the ground from his sudden movement.

He grinned with confusion. "Dove, not that you don't look ravishing, but…"

"I'm sorry. I'm having trouble finding something to wear," you said, moving to the side so he could walk in. He wiped his shoes on your mat and, after looking at your face for a thoughtful moment, toed them off. You shut the door behind him.

"I like this look."

"I bet you do," you murmured, knowing he could see your backside quite clearly as you hurried ahead of him, stockings sliding over linoleum.

You'd intended on rushing into something quick so you could be on time for dinner but found yourself just as unhappy as before, staring over your clothes disapprovingly.

Remus stood in your doorway, hesitant, roses in hand. "I'll go find a vase for these, shall I?" he asked lightly.

"Please and thank you."

He nodded. You listened to his movements in the kitchen, heard him filling the vase with water, heard the soft shearing sound as he unwrapped the flowers from their plastic.

You fingered the material of a velveteen, wine red dress with a frown on your face.

Pins and needles had begun in your fingertips. You fiddled with the fabric in your hands and took a steadying breath, shrugging of Remus' t-shirt while he was gone to quickly pull on the dress.

You looked in the mirror and blanched. It had hardly been on for a minute and you were pulling it off. You stood there in your underwear with your hands shaking and turned away from the mirror.

You felt silly. You felt silly and you looked silly and your body wasn't right, and the room was suddenly warming and Remus was going to come in and find you all pathetic and stressed out at the end of your bed. You put your hands between your legs and your chin to your chest, blinking hard.

You needed to get dressed. You stood up and Remus' warm hands were pushing you back down. His sudden appearance had your pins and needles worsening, hot in your fingertips.

"You stay right there, dove," he said warmly.

"I need to get dressed," you said. Your chest was tight enough that the words were a struggle.

"You need to sit there looking pretty for a second while we catch our breath," he said, crouching in front of you, eyebrows creased in concern.

His words had an opposite effect than he'd meant - you pressed your hand to your mouth and gasped, trying to shut down. Remus didn't touch you, leaning back to give you some space.

"Hey, lovely," he said, words a coo, "you want to tell me what's wrong, or do you want to do some breathing with me?" He extended his hand between you. You took it and he pressed your numb fingers to his chest, demonstrating some slow, purposeful inhales.

You held your breath as he counted to eight.

"Bad day?" he asked as you exhaled, his thumb brushing your knuckles gently.

"I'm sorry-"

"Hey, hey. Nothing to be sorry for. I was feeling lightheaded too, so this is just as much for me as it is for you."

You nodded and inhaled though you didn't believe him.

"Are you cold?" he asked, noticing how your shoulders were inching forward.

"I don't want you to look at me," you said without thinking. This alone made you panic more, reaching out with your other hand to grab at him as he pulled away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean that."

He stretched your throw blanket over your shoulders and made sure everything was covered. "I know, dove."

"I'm ugly today. It's not you."

He paused with his hands at the centre of your chest, eyes passing over your face. He took a deep breath and you followed. While you held it he exhaled and braced his hands on his knees.

"You're never ugly."

You shook your head and pressed your fingers to your forehead for support, dizzy. Remus doubled down on his efforts to help you calm down, and you didn't talk for a while. Soon your pins and needles were receding, your head felt lighter.

Then, the acute embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry," you mumbled, using the throw to wipe tears from your eyes.

"Budge up, lovely," he said. You did and he sat beside you, leaning his shoulder on yours. "Wanna hold hands?" he asked. It made you giggle and you accepted his offer, letting him wrap your hands up in his, bigger and warmer and soft.

"Do you want to play a game with me?" he asked.

"We're already late for dinner."

"Forget dinner, I hate delicious and expensive restaurants anyways," he said, bringing your hands to his mouth. He kissed each of your knuckles in turn, pecks down the stripe of fingers and then back again. The throw blanket was falling down your shoulders and you had no hands to pull it up. "Much rather spend time here in your massive flat."

"Thanks, Mr. Sarcasm."

He dropped your hands in his lap and fixed the blanket so you were covered up. "I'm not being sarcastic. Look at all this room!"

"You've been spending too much time with your friends," you scolded him, looking over your cramped, messy bedroom in disbelief.

"I totally agree. Too much time with them and not enough time with my girl."

His words started joking and ended earnestly. He pushed his hand across your back and hooked it at your waist, pulling you close. "I'm taking your lack of answer as a yes to my game."

"And what's your game, Lupin?"

He kissed your cheek. "Get back in my shirt and we'll play."

-

"I don't want to play board games with you anymore," you groaned.

Remus smiled, searching through your small trove of games under the coffee table. "What? But we haven't played hungry hungry hippos yet."

"That's not mine."

"Sure thing, dovey."

He rummaged around. You looked over at the pile of games he'd already defeated you at: candy land, pay day, mouse trap and connect four. He took guess who into his hands and raised his eyebrows at you. "Huh?"

"No, definitely not."

"You've only one left then," he said, grabbing the soft edges of twister.

You squirmed, felt heat rise to your face. You'd always avoided twister – you didn't like that it showed off your body, how your tummy would show, how your neck would look when your posture wasn't ramrod straight.

"I don't know, Remus."

"Please? I'm awful at twister, you might actually win!"

You looked at his kind face and felt annoyed at yourself for giving in so easily. Soon, you were crouched under him as he hovered on top, left hand reaching desperately for the spinner.

"Is this usually a two player game?" you asked, left arm shaking where it was twisted under your leg.

"Um," Remus began, voice pitched up in stress, "it says two to six players on the box."

"Huh. Weird," you said, watching Remus' arm shake as he stretched.

He collapsed and took you down with him, both of your groaning at the sudden collision. You looked down at his dazed face pressed into your chest and threw your head back to laugh. He kissed your chest through the shirt and climbed up just enough to watch you.

"I just – I can't believe you think you're ugly," he said after your laughter had petered out. "You're so pretty. You're perfect the way you are."

You squirmed underneath him. He didn't move. "I was having a moment of weakness."

"You're not weak. And you're not ugly."

You blew a soft breath up to ruffle his hair. "Thanks, Remus."

"You're beautiful," he kissed your chest again, "in my shirt and in your lovely dress and in nothing at all."

You groaned and turned your face to the side. "Alright, loverboy. Give it up."

"C'mon, let me look at you," he said, tilting your head up. He looked over each of your features, one hand tender on your cheek and the other holding himself up by your neck. He'd moved to straddle you with his thighs. "There you are. My perfect girl. I don't want you to upset yourself so much over how you look, alright? Especially over some cushy dinner. You'll break my heart if I know you're worried about how I see you."

"Remus…"

"I see you," he said firmly. "I see you exactly how you are." He dipped so your noses were touching.

"That's what I'm worried about."

His lips ghosted against yours, your eyes shutting as he whispered, "You're lovely. Prettiest thing I've ever seen."

"I don't feel that way," you said, throat burning.

"I know, dove. I know. I'll have to make you see yourself the way I do, is all."

"And how will you do that?"

His lips were soft against your closed eyelid, one then the other. He pulled back and you opened your eyes, warmed by his precious kisses.

"I have a few ideas."

tag club :3

marauders tag list @marimorena06 @glimmering-darling-dolly @siriuslystfu @thatblackravenclaw @thatonecomfyjumper @lupinlust @touchdeprivedwh0re @vi0letblu3s @mooncalvin @gaysnowrose @thatonecomfyjumper @set-myself-on-fire @decafcoffew

[strikethematch18]

I haven't gone the large external drive but I did finally pick up a 64gb one today just to see how much it's actually going to handle. And I've preached this before but with inauguration on Monday I'm reminding you to get on this because in the case something happens at any point, you are prepared.

If you can, get pepper gel and not normal spray. Ultimately, it's safer for you if you have to use it. It's works the same way, looks the same, but it will not travel in the wind and give you blowback. Mine also happens to have a UV dye. I had to get a new one because the cap that sits over the button came off my old one, and i didn't want to risk any accidental discharges. It's going back on my keys ASAP. I started when I was living in college dorms, and my tiny and usually safe campus suddenly wasn't, and we got Cleary notification emails multiple times a week. I have a whistle on my keys, too. I have an alarm that needs batteries to put on. Find what's legal, even if it's a distraction that gives you a few precious seconds.

I live in a very red, very conservative, VERY REPUBLICAN state and overall area. (It is also a very stupid state with its politics. i am convinced are absolutely rigged because there's no way we are THAT ignorant).I am the minority in my irl friend group who is actually terrified and extremely concerned about the future. However, in one of the games I play on my phone, we have a discord server. It is my safe space community. Find yourself a community if you do not have one. If you want to find solace in a game that has "clubs" or guilds/clan as a part of its framework, let me know, I have a few. And one I KNOW most of those little groups have discord servers, and they have individual discords for the different servers themselves.

A message to all of my fellow Americans:

Hey guys… I don’t typically talk about this kind of stuff online- However, us as a community need to support each other right now, so here is my two cents on things that we can do to prepare ourselves.

Save your fanfiction!

Whether it be your own or from one of your favorite authors online- download it. I have a feeling that places like Wattpad and AO3 will be targeted. If you have the funds I recommend purchasing an external hard drive. They can hook up to your phone, tablets, consoles, and pcs. They’re compact and portable. If you’re unsure what storage capacity to choose I suggest 2 terabytes- which is reasonable in price, and with the holidays coming up- keep an eye out on sales! Most places that sell them typically mark them down.

Protect yourselves.

This isn’t only to people with uteruses, please if you’re able, get some form of protection that aligns with your personal views.

Some options (please check what’s legal for you to carry in your state)

Pepper Spray

Self Defense Classes

Firearms

Tasers

Personal Alarms

Self defense keychains

Buying contraceptives. 

If you have a uterus you might have a hard time getting contraception, whether that be refilling your birth control or over the counter medication. If you have the funds, consider buying Plan B- which has a shelf life of 4 years.

Check on your friends.

A lot of negative emotions are swarming around and we need to be there for each other. Stay close with your loved ones, if you need to- REACH OUT FOR HELP. Please don’t suffer alone. 

Call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline