struggle-wit-me

[struggle-wit-me]

[struggle-wit-me]

Blowing Off Steam

So today was my first final, but this is all about yesterday.

I went to study in the lounge blanket in hand, ready to power through until I died. And on the plus side I ran into him from my bio class! So we studied. For hours we studied. His friend even bought me pizza that’s how long we were there.

But then we left. Went back to his room with my new friend and him and we studied a little more but mostly joked around and talked about random shit. It was great, and I think he is my new friend.

But then she left and his brother kicked us out so he could sleep. And then it was just me and him. So we went to the private study room and studied a little more. And then he wanted to burn off steam.

I knew what he meant. And he did too. But he had some qualms so he tried other methods. We even sat down to watch a movie.

But nothing worked.

And eventually things started to heat up, we were lying on each other and he tickled me and the tension was beyond palpable. But he still had qualms.

You can’t tell anyone because I can’t have my brother finding out. Fine.

We can’t have sex because it’s not right for a Muslim to fuck before marriage.

Technically you’re not supposed to do anything remotely sexual.

But he wanted to. And I wanted to.

It was the witching hour.

So then we did.

Like a movie, passionate. He was hungry for my lips, I for his. We crashed into every wall in that room, slammed onto the table, dragged me across the floor, smashed me into the wall.

But then things got messy. I got blood all over his hand, but he didn’t care, but I did. And he came but I didn’t. And it was fun.

I don’t regret anything. It was fun to blow off some steam and it worked. It definitely was stress relieving.

[struggle-wit-me]

Tiny Teeth Metahuman

i would like to tell you about the asshole of the century. and sadly, i’m not even remotely kidding. i get dibs on that title for this person.

let me stat at the beginning. i’ve just graduated high school, getting ready for college, and i just wanted to do a musical for my friend because he was starting his own production company and i wanted to be a good friend and support him. no harm no foul right?

wrong.

that’s when this asshole came into my life. in 3 weeks flat he had swept me off my feet and i had fallen head over heels in love with him. and the worst part? my friend was also in love with him, and she had known him much longer than i had, so she was in the right. but he said all the right words and did all the right things and before i knew it i was banging my wrists into brick walls just to stop myself from thinking about him. which was hard, because we were in the same production together.

but the summer ends and i go off to college and so does he and he strings me along for a while but then i met this other guy (also an asshole) so i stopped talking to him and everything got better. at least, until this summer rolled around.

yet another production with him in it. but i was determined to be aloof. i no longer self harmed, and i my anxiety attacks stopped coming because of him, not that the attacks stopped but they had other triggers. he started texting me again, but i kept my distance and although i fell back a little bit i was okay for almost all of summer, and we were almost friends.

but fast forward, the summer ends and then it’s new years. i haven’t thought about him in almost 5 moonths go me and life is good, my roommate is visiting for christmas and my friends from back home are beautiful. and then new years happens and the asshole texts me proclaiming he has had some character development and “realizes that people matter. you matter” which is the stupidest line ever but i have a tendency to give people way too many chances, so i tell him if he wants a relationship i will be that and he says yes but within a week he has reverted back to the asshole of selfishness that he is so i cut ties and remove him from all of my social media and even delete his number and i don’t think about him again for many more months.

until last week.

again he texts me asking if he could say hello and so wanting to know what he wanted i say hello back. and that’s when i find out that come April 28th he will be crossing the state and be at my campus and would like to take me out for an apology dinner for being such a dick to me. which i said yes to because i want free food.

and it turns out that he is dropping out of college and going on a roadtrip to “discover himself” or some hemingway bullshit but alright whatever. anyway, it turns out that he actually wants the apology dinner to be a date but that whether it is or not is totally up to me.

i’ve never had this much power before.

and he says he;s trying to imrpove and he wants to be there because he doesn’t want to lose me again (as if he has me) and he keeps thanking me ofr this last chance but honestly i can’t even decide if i am giving him a chance or not all i know is that i can’t believe anything until he actually shows up on my doorstep because theres no fucking way he’s hurting me again.

i have broken way too many times because of this kid and that won’t be happening again. my walls are up for good this time.

at least, if nothing else, i can focus on the fact that he has ridiculously tiny teeth and i know at least 3 different people here who are very willing to punch him in the face.

[struggle-wit-me]

The Legendary Head Banging

let me start by saying that St Patty’s never brings good tidings. ever. and this past sunday was no exception.

let me set the stage:

it’s 8 o’clock, i’ve just escaped the safe place staff meeting and i haven’t eatn since aroudn 10 o’clock that morning. needless to say, my stomach was about to throw a tantrum. but i’ve made it, i’m in my dorm and i’m up the first set of stairs.

and there it is

the big

red

heavy

door of DOOM

so i scan my id, unlock the door, and just as i am almost thru?

BAM

i sneeze. and not one of those sneezes you can pass off as never happened? it’s a colossal sneeze fit for a fucking king.

my head lurches forward and

collides without hesitation into the corner of this big red heavy door of doom!!!

my eyes well up, and basically i’m more frustrated than anything. i’ve had a shit day and of course that’s how the world decides to end it. 

hours later my head has a golf ball sized attachment from my eyebrow thru my hairline. i’m talking 90′s cartoon-network level shit man.

and that, my friends, is the tale of the legendary head banging of 2017.

[struggle-wit-me]

The Safe Place Staff Meeting

lets start off wit a bang shall we?

we had a talking stick. an actual fucking talking stick that looked like an alien. the rules were “no yelling, no interrupting, and the only statements can be i feel that statements” like bruh i ain’t here for this bullshit. the worst part? it was all about fucking high school level drama ass shit i resigned that back in 2015 yall.

anyway this shit lasted about an hour. my friend talking back and forth to this bitch who’s been trying to get her fired. they really shoulda had a private meeting lets be real.

this shit also led to my other friend crying bc ppl call her a bitch and don’t like that she takes the job so seriously like????? its a job she gets paid to do and shes really good at it???? whats your problem?????

anyway the whole point is that we hit rock bottom here. this was some jess from new girl talking stick bullshit that helped no one and solved nothing.

0/10 dont recommend.

if you have a problem wit someone you work wit just call them out on it or schedule a private meeting

dont drag all our asses down there just to watch yall bitch with he said she said nonsense