strugglingd4d-blog

[strugglingd4d-blog]

6 weeks

It’s now been 6 weeks since I’ve spoken to my son, I feel numb and very worthless, tried calling again today and no answer.

I worry that it’s really starting to affect my relationships with family and more, this system is too long, and it’s really draining the life out of me

[strugglingd4d-blog]

Reflection

After a tough day of still no contact with my 3yo, I’m lucky enough to have a boys night with 2 little shadows that adore me for who I am, it’s a shame that mr 3yo isn’t enjoying tonight with us but I know with all the fight and the passion I have for him, and the support from my beautiful partner it won’t be long until we’re all having the fun boys night we deserve!

[strugglingd4d-blog]

The Otherside of family violence

I have no idea how many people this may reach, might be no one but here goes:

When I look back at the time when my child was born, it was a happy amazing time, I found out what true love was, becoming a father for the first time, I cherished that boy and he was (still is) my world.

As a few months went by, unfortunetly his mother and I seperated, leaving behind a toxic relationship so he could have two happy homes, not one horrible home.

Fast forward roughly 3 years, I haven’t seen him in over a month, haven’t spoken to him on the phone for a couple of weeks, still unsure of the reasoning why my son is being held from me, but in Australia this is apparently fine, no history of violence, no drug and or alcohol abuse but she’s allowed to move house, change phone number and just act like dad doesn’t exist.

Hurt, empty and scared are just some of the emotions I go through day by day because I fear where my son might be, I wonder if he still thinks of dad, I wonder what she tells him when he asks where dad is!

Family violence has the misconception that the “man/father” is always the aggressor or culprit which in other peoples accounts and experiences I’m sure is the case, but in this case you have a mother who has stopped a child from seeing their father for what? Mind games? Control, personal victories?.

The amount of pain I mask daily with a smile because of this family violence is quite alarming, because deep down I know one day it’s all going to be too much, but for this moment I keep fighting for my boy.

This family violence and selfish behaviours has really put me into a mental dark cloud, one I would never have ever thought was possible, I’m just lucky that I have the support of some very strong minded people behind me, otherwise by now I’m sure people would have had to bury me in a hole.

I guess a lot of this won’t make a lot of sense due to its nature of rambling and the fact I can’t articulate what’s going through my head into words at the moment, but I’m hoping venting on here, even posting daily will help me get though this shit spot, until the day I’m reunited with my son.