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Starter call!

Need to get back into the RPing groove.  Like this and I’ll make a starter!

[stxrmflxwer]

Starter call!

Need to get back into the RPing groove.  Like this and I’ll make a starter!

[stxrmflxwer]

hey.

i may or may not be back?

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it’s my birthday

i am old

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This is me actually popping my head on Tumblr for the first time in a loooong while.

Hi guys, I’d love to get back to being active and roleplaying with y’all.

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findmyownliberation:

When Ren pulled her closer, Blake’s heart stuttered in her chest a little and she couldn’t help smiling into the kiss. It bolstered her confidence somewhat, and she moved her hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck. Somewhere in the middle of all this, it hit her fully that this was actually happening—like some sort of crazy person she’d admitted that she had further-than-platonic feelings, and after asking Ren if he had them as well.

The only solace in the fact that she’d done something so insane was that, well—okay, she really liked being like this with him.

She dropped from her toes to the flat of her feet once he started to pull away, knowing her face was flushed as her eyes fluttered open to look at him—he was as out of breath as she was. “That it was,” she agreed through a breathy laugh, and, okay, this was slightly more familiar territory, because it was definitely not the first time she felt and sounded like she’d run a marathon after kissing him.

Biting her lip, Blake’s eyes flitted over his face for a few more moments before she asked quietly, “Do I sound completely crazy if I admit that I’m terrified right now?”

Hearing Blake laugh made him feel...things in his chest.  Very nice things, unlike the terror that seized him before the kissing began, which had mostly subsided by now.  It was nice to finally get this stress off of his shoulders, his feelings finally out in the open for her to know, and vice versa.

Hearing Blake speak so quietly caught him slightly offguard, but he soon shook his head in response to her concern.  “No, not at all.”  In truth, Ren might not have really understood her dilemma, other than the fear that this relationship might crash and burn which he also now had, but he felt that it ran far deeper than that for Blake.  

Without any words that he could think of that could’ve helped calm her down, Ren did what came to mind first and gently pulled her even closer, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly.  “...Maybe we should head back.”

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findmyownliberation:

That little smile of his—it did things, weird things to her chest, her breath catching and her heart doing a fluttery little jump as her own smile strengthened somewhat. Not because it was suggestive in any way of course; it was the opposite, sweet and peaceful and—

—And he was leaning closer, she suddenly realized, her eyes widening slightly just before his lips met her own.

Obviously, they’d kissed before. A lot. And in a lot of different ways. But never like this—never with Blake’s fingers shaking slightly as one of her hands moved to his shoulder, the other to his side, never with Blake pushing herself onto her toes for no other reason than to afford herself a better position to pour her heart into the soft, chaste kiss, never with her heart thundering in her chest so loudly.

Blake had kissed Ren an awful lot of ways, but never as uncertain and heartfelt as this.

Everything about this felt different, he could feel it.  He even tried to make it different, to tell Blake how he really felt about her, which was pretty much already out there in the air between them, but he just wanted her to know.  His other hand moved on its own, to the small of her back to tug her just a little bit closer.

Ren wasn’t sure how long they’d been doing this.  One...two--Nope, already lost track.  Oh well, who needed oxygen, right?  His lungs did, unfortunately, and with some frustration, he ended the kiss, moving away just a little bit.  Oh boy, what was an appropriate thing to say at this moment?

“Well, that was...nice.”

...Nailed it?

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findmyownliberation:

“Uh, hm.” When enough time passed for Blake to be sure the world wasn’t self-destructing around her, she finally opened her eyes again, and despite nerves that jittered throughout her entire form, managed a small smile at Ren. “I don’t know.”

“I guess we… well.” They already spent ridiculous amounts of time together—they already cuddled, talked, and kissed, well, a lot. And people had been laughingly accusing them of being on dates any time they went out anywhere together since long before the thought of dating had actually even occurred to her. “I guess we do what we’ve been doing, but different.”

There wasn’t much to change, aside from just—acknowledging from now on that the things they were doing had drifted from platonic into romantic. “And—” She paused, and while it was nothing compared to the burning scarlet blushing from earlier, she could feel her cheeks dusting faintly pink again.

Seeing Blake smile now, it made him...calm, yet he was pretty sure he could still feel butterflies in his stomach.  But now, he didn’t actually mind, because now, they were...well, officially...together, it seemed.

“But different...”  He repeated, mulling over the thought.  Before, it seemed like a crazy thought, difficult, even, but now, it just seemed...doable.  Simple.  Like their relationship has mostly been, but with something new.  Something to enjoy.

He blinked, waiting for her to finish her sentence, but seeing the much lighter blush, a thought popped up in his head.  With a small smile of his own, he leaned forward, gently cupping her cheek, and pressed his lips against hers.

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findmyownliberation:

Somehow, his answer actually calmed her, if only barely. That was at least five concerns crossed off a list of hundreds—she didn’t have to worry that he didn’t maybe, possibly, sort of feel the same as she might, perhaps, kind of felt for him; she didn’t have to worry that she’d ruined a friendship or pushed him away with the indication that she might be sort of interested; she hadn’t made him or this friendship irreparably uncomfortable by even bringing it up.

She released a very slow breath, nodding. “Okay. That’s good to know. I…”

This, honestly, was not a situation Blake thought she was going to find herself in ever again after coming to Beacon. It was, in fact, the last situation she ever thought she was going to get herself into ever, for the rest of her life, and yet here she’d gone and plunged them both into it. And it was intensely and bizarrely horrifying, given her last brush with romance, even though she knew both the situation and the person standing before her were nothing like her last experience.

And really, terrified or not, she’d pushed them into this situation, she’d made him answer her about his feelings—she couldn’t run from the situation or deny him the same courtesy now. The only thing left now was to, well, own up to it. She closed her eyes and steeled herself. “Yeah, I’d like it, too.”

…Huh. One, two seconds passed after the admission, and, shockingly, the whole world didn’t explode or worse. Imagine that.

Ren felt as if time was dragging on slowly as he tried to wait patiently for her answer while holding his breath.  He didn’t even care if he fainted from oxygen loss, he was practically shaking out of his boots.  Internally, of course, he didn’t want Blake to see how much this really affected him, though at that point, it might not have mattered as they both already had a good idea of just how much this topic really mattered to them. 

 And then she finally answered.

 Was he expecting a yes?  Kind of, but he still was caught offguard, hearing the words come out of her lips.  Though it was...nice.  It felt comforting to now know that they felt the same way for each other.  But that just left only one more question for Ren to ask, though the answer seemed slightly obvious to him, and perhaps to Blake, too.

“...So what should we do now?”

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findmyownliberation:

She made a vaguely frustrated noise at his response—not at him, just at the fact that communicating at all was so difficult right now. “I know you said you wouldn’t mind. That’s—not the same as—I mean, it doesn’t cover if—” She bit her lip, faltering slightly. If she outright asked, did that make it too clear that she had—well, further than friendly feelings? And if Ren just didn’t mind, but didn’t actively feel the same then—

…She was overthinking this.

Taking a deep breath, she resisted the urge to lay a hand over her heart as if to contain its painful pounding, managed to entirely suppress her fidgeting. “I… wouldn’t mind it, either, but that—makes sense, I mean. You know, if we like being around each other and we already do—ah, a lot of… sort of intimate things, then it’s not like a lot would change. Which is why I’m—I’m not asking if you’d mind, I’m asking… if you’d… like… that sort of thing. If you’d, um, want it.”

Ren nearly winced at her frustration, but just kept nodding, agreeing with everything she said.  It was true; They liked to be around each other, they were very comfortable with each other.  Sometimes, too comfortable.  Or maybe not comfortable enough?  Okay, enough with those thoughts.

And then there were unique moments like now, where they had to go through...whatever this was. And truth be told, Ren wasn’t sure what he wanted right now, but he did know that, being with Blake, things just felt...right.  And why wouldn’t he not want to feel that for the rest of his life?  He took in a deep breath.

“I...I think I would like it.  And you...?”

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findmyownliberation:

Yeah, forget melting, her face was going to spontaneously combust. It was going to burn right off. Her entire face was so red—she could feel it as he kept going on, and on, and on. Burying her face in her hands, she let out some sort of muffled, incoherent string of sounds.

After a few moments to try and recover from something that wouldn’t even have made her uncomfortable before today, she pulled her hands away from her face and attempted to meet his eyes with the most level gaze she could muster.

“Yeah. All that stuff—um.” Her gaze skittered away from him for a moment before she forcibly dragged it back. “What if. I—if we—um, kissed, and—it wasn’t. A—friend thing. Like—if I kissed you, but this time it was—” A strange noise escaped the back of her throat, almost like a whine, like trying to make words happen was actually painful. “—you know, romantic.”

Ren couldn’t understand what she said as she covered her face, so he only assumed that it was the internal screaming she was probably caging in like he was.  At this rate, he’d have to let some of that stress out, too.  Preferably not as...noticeable as her unique method.

As she looked back towards him, instead of avoiding his eyes completely, he paid close attention to what she was saying...which, there wasn’t much of in the first place.  Yet there didn’t have to be, because Ren had a very nervous feeling that he knew what Blake was trying to get at.  “I...”

He couldn’t even respond to that question.  For one thing, they had already kissed so many ways, so there was probably one time where the way they did it atleast looked romantic.  So in a way, he probably wouldn’t mind it at all?  “Uh...”  Instead of trying to answer her question, he decided to try something else.

“Well...I said before.  I don’t mind the thought of...being...with you.  So...I guess I wouldn’t mind, but...What about you?  What do you think about that?  About us.  Not kissing.  I mean--Us, together.  Together together.”  Kill me, and kill my vocabulary, and my words, and my mouth, which Blake is probably going to already do and in fact already has multiple times, kill my everything.

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findmyownliberation:

She was screaming. She was definitely screaming, loudly, incoherently. Thankfully, all the screaming was entirely internal.

“Um—you know how… we—you know, kiss. A lot. Sometimes. And it’s, like—a friend thing? Like—…platonic… friend… kissing?” Why did she have to sound like such an idiot right now. Could she not just—form one competent sentence? She cleared her throat. “You know how, um, that’s a thing we do?”

She was literally regretting every word as it tumbled out of her mouth—why was that not enough to have made her drop it before she even started this line of questioning?

The more Blake talked, the more Ren also screamed.  Internally, of course, just like Blake.  The both of them, talking and screaming, at the same time, without even knowing.  

“I...”  For a moment, he was completely bewildered with this line of questioning.  Did he know?  “I’d...hope so, by now, yes.  I know we do that a lot, I know how we kiss...a lot.  And how we kiss, definitely, because you get pretty...into it.  Sometimes.  I’m going to stop talking and let you continue.”  

Ren was practically sparkling with Shit and Fuckdammit as fireworks started to go off in his head.  He just had to open his mouth, didn’t he?

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findmyownliberation:

Currently, Blake’s mind was racing through too many thoughts too fast to feel like she was having any thoughts at all. She was simultaneously at a complete standstill in terms of ability to process her thoughts and come up with a coherent response, and moving at a mile a minute when it came to various emotions and impressions flitting through her brain. She scrubbed a hand over her mouth, nodding emphatically when Ren called it a bad idea, and then a second time when he admitted his own bad idea as well.

Releasing a sigh around her fingers, Blake then moved her hand from her mouth to scratch awkwardly at the back of her neck, her eyes closing tightly like forcing her thoughts together enough to form words was almost painful. “I don’t think the whole day was a disaster. Mostly, I don’t regret anything right up until—” Her voice was slightly higher than usual and almost strained, and, gods, her face was going to melt off, she swore her cheeks only burned more and more by the second.

Like, okay, so the passing thought of maybe—possibly—sort of—dating Ren had maybe—possibly—sort of—flitted through her thoughts on more than one occasion before, but now that he said he wouldn’t mind it, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was not minding it the same as liking the idea? The same as—… maybe—possibly—sort of—wanting it? “…Ah—Ren?” She winced at the sound of her own voice as she opened her eyes again; she was just trying to ask him a question, did she have to sound like she was being strangled?

It felt slightly comforting to see that Blake agreed with all his points.  Atleast he knew they were on equal grounds when it came to that matter, as opposed to...others.  Like the one they were currently wrapped up in right now.  And the one Blake was just about to mention before stopping herself.

...Wow, Ren didn’t even know Blake’s voice could go that high.  It was almost...cute?  And there she went, her face burning up even more, but probably the most surprising part was the way she just....said his name.  What even was that noise??  He hoped his confusion didn’t show on his face, but given his past fails-in-a-row, he didn’t have much hope.  Ren just answered back as casually as he could.   “...Yes?”

Oh great, his voice also came out slightly forced.

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findmyownliberation:

There was the absolute faintest amount of satisfaction somewhere in the back of her mind at the blush spreading across his face—an internal, triumphant HA! followed the feeling that at least now she wasn’t the only one struggling in this situation, but the small relief that was dragging him down with her didn’t actually make her any less flustered herself, nor did it lessen the dread building in her stomach at the certainty that with that question, she had fucked up.

When he answered, she actually paled for a moment or two, before her face slowly heated up, burning a brighter red than it had yet this entire conversation. “—Oh.” For a moment, that was the only reaction she was capable of. She fell back half a step, her gaze fixed firmly on a spot above his head, like maybe somehow those acts would make it easier for her to get her shit together. “I—aaaaaaaaaaaaaokay, I Don’t know what I thought I was going to do with that information.”

Why did her chest feel so tight? Was it supposed to be hard to breathe right now, was it normal for her heart to be moving at the pace it was currently? And, holy shit, could she stop thinking about being with Ren romantically already? It was doing odd, awful things to her chest and she needed it to stop. “I mean, I know I was going to try and make you flustered so that I wasn’t the only one suffering here, but—it’s become suddenly very clear that the entire idea was poorly conceived. Wow. Okay.”

Ren noticed--How could he not?--how Blake...reacted, with much more red on her cheeks than before.  And the way she seemed to go as white as a ghost, that was also rather a surprise.  Also, her dragging on that word as if Belladonna.exe had crashed.  Wow, he was just learning a lot of new things about Blake today, wasn’t he?

“It’s...Okay, I wouldn’t know what to do with that, either.”  There was a small voice in the back of his head that told him that there was some way they could use that info, but he stamped it out very quickly.  “Yeah--It was a...bad idea.  And maybe what I did was a bad idea, too.  Maybe this whole day was just a bad idea in general.”  Sad to say that Ren actually mostly agreed with that statement.  All of one day, brought down by...this.  And was it just him, or was it starting to feel a bit hot?  Probably just the stress and humiliation of being in this situation in the first place.  And was his face also starting to go red?  Again?  Stop it Face, please.

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findmyownliberation:

A blush was furiously trying to fight its way back onto her face, but she held it back with a pointed scowl at the Ren’s feet—one that looked unfortunately similar to a pout. Still, if it kept the blush away, it kept the blush away, and that was enough for her—until she looked up at him, brow furrowed, gaze surprisingly intense.

“Why, is that what you wanted it to be?”

Um. What the hell. Why are you like this. Walk it back, like, a million steps, that was too much. In theory, she knew she made the jab because she knew dealing with her own mortification would be infinitely easier if she got him flustered, too—but in practice, this was way too dangerous territory for her to be shoving them towards.

And all of a sudden, just like that, Ren was now the one in deep shit.  He couldn’t even feel his own blush slowly creeping onto his cheeks as the thought of...well, being with Blake overtook his mind.  What made him surprised and slightly worried was the fact that...

“...Uhh, well...I wouldn’t mind it in particular...”  Whoa, there.  Probably not the best choice of words.  Why even say them in the first place?!  He blamed Blake.  She caused everything.  Damn Blake!

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findmyownliberation:

“The color on my cheeks is because of your words, not what I did, which was a totally reasonable and defensible way to respond to mistletoe!” No, it wasn’t. But if she just believed it hard enough… “You made it—weird, using words like—like ‘fervor’. ‘Fervor’ is a romance novel word, Ren, not a mistletoe kiss word.”

His point fell apart at least a little bit if he insisted that her blush was the evidence that there was something off about the kiss, because she wasn’t going to blush until he’d said anything. He was, indeed, the one who made it openly flustering to her.

“Look, it just—happened. There was mistletoe, I kissed you because that’s what you do under mistletoe, and then everything else just—happened. It’s not like it’s the first time one of us shoving the other against the wall and kissing them has just happened.” She shot a pointed look at him for emphasis.

Ren was trying not to smile, or outright laugh, at her calling their make-out session a reasonable response to a mistletoe.  Honestly, this was starting to become a bit too enjoyable for him.  “I’m sorry--A romance novel word?  Then I guess what we just did was more of something from a romance novel than from a mistletoe.”  

Aaand there it was, he was smiling, but he didn’t even care at that point.  Her pointed look, along with a very vivid memory, broke his amused gaze for just a moment, but it returned soon enough.  “You’re right, but it is the first time where I’m the one seeing you blush.”  He didn’t even care that he was the one that made her blush.  Or did he?  Was that something to be proud of?

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findmyownliberation:

“I wouldn’t—” She coughed awkwardly, and oh, no, she was absolutely not about to turn red over this, nope, no blushing allowed, she was going to fight it off right now before it became a problem. “I wouldn’t describe it quite like that.”

Seriously, why did he have to describe it like that? Clearing her throat, Blake felt heat slowly crawling up her neck, much to her intense chagrin—but she was determined not to let it reach her cheeks and form any sort of noticeable blush.

“People kiss under mistletoe,” she insisted, an arm crossing in front of her. “So that’s what I did.” Really, if she just insisted it was normal, then he’d have to believe her at some point, right? It wasn’t entirely unheard of for people to kiss so aggressively under a mistletoe… of course, the people who usually did tended to be dating.

And there was the blush. Oh, gods. How did she let this happen? Blake Belladonna was in deep.

...Ren could hardly believe it.  Blake--Blake Belladonna--was blushing.  There it was, that inrush of blood to the cheeks that was a telltale sign of something...telling.  And he had no idea what he should feel about this.  Though, he did know one thing.  

“If it weren’t for the color in your cheeks, I’d be more inclined to believe that that was what you did, a simple kiss.  But you took it a bit...further.”  A bit.  Only a bit.  Didn’t want to dump too much pressure on poor Belladonna, after all.  This was surely a monumental moment for her, as it was for him.  Blake Belladonna could feel embarrassment and humiliation!  Oh, the things he could do with this information to get back at all those times she’d played tricks on him.