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Arcadia

"Someone, please wake us up."

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Zoral Ja: This is how I win *loses*

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Wuk Lamat as a child, to Koana: Zoraal Ja is so scary… I can never tell what he’s thinking

Zoraal Ja as a child, glaring at his lunch: (internally) FUCK YES it’s nugget day

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Bakool Ja Ja: I poisoned one of our drinks

Bakool Ja Ja: But I forgot which one.

Zoraal Ja: The way this rite of succession is going, I hope it's mine.

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Wuk Lamat: Zoraal Ja told me and Koana that Santa wasn't real when I was 8.

Wuk Lamat: Well jokes on him because I'm at Eorzea's Starlight Celebration and GUESS WHO'S FREAKING HERE

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It's a long story...!

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"Would you love me if I was a worm?"

Merrick: no, I'd rather you not be a worm to begin with.

Logan: yes! I'll even make a terrarium for you.

Keegan: no.

Hesh: Of course, I'll put you in my pocket and we can go on fun little adventures!

Kick: I'll use you as fish bait.

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how i think your camera roll would look like if you were in a relationship with simon riley

he's so babygirl :3

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Y/N: Hey Simon can you help me with this zipper? Simon: Sure thing, love Y/N: Y/N: Up, Simon Simon: Right of course

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Vrtra really said "Even here have we heard of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn" like he wasn't having Thavnair intelligence scooping up every detail of anything and everything to do with Louisoix Leveilleur the second he heard Bahamut hatched and was ready to glass Eorzea and Some? Mortal??? from Sharlayan managed to almost tank the blow

Ahewann, sprinting out of the meghaduta into the town square: I Need The Sharlayan Ambassador Right The Fuck Now

Five, six years later and the intel squads say the Scions have imploded, except whoops no they haven't they've snuck out of the regicide accusations into Ishgard and have disappeared into Dravania trying to end the Dragonsong War? pffff yeah good luck with that Nidhogg's been filling up my inbox for a thou- WAIT WHAT? WHO?? AND THE LEVEILLEUR GRANDSON???

Ahewann, sprinting straight to the Ishgardian consulate without stopping: Hey Uh Can You Tell Me What, and please understand this is very important, The Fuck

Then for a short bit family matters quiet down, again, maybe. Estinien "Not Not Nidhogg" Wyrmblood passes through Thavnair but moves on to Othard pretty quickly. Ahewann gratefully takes off his running shoes and Vrtra peels himself off the ceiling like a scared cat from worrying which would be worse to meet, Estinien or Nidhogg. Midgardsormr dies again but that's less of a big deal than it should be, he'll sleep it off. Tiamat is suddenly flying again for the first time in five millenia so that's . . . good, the world is ending but that's good at least. Estinien Wyrmblood may or may not have joined the Scions, no one can get a solid confirmation. Anyway he's got to get these scales to the alchemists, the Baldesion reps are coming soon, he can't focus on his own family drama right now-

He looks up and standing before him is an Archon astrologian in a bathrobe, another Archon nerd cosplaying as a gunbreaker, two Archons oh this must be the Baldesion group, [INSERT INSANE PLAYER CHARACTER APPEARANCE], well they look . . . interesting, are they imitating the Warrior of Light? and an Ishgardian dra -

Vrtra, malms away in the meghaduta: A

Vrtra: Ahewann

Vrtra: Ahewann we've got a Code Leveilleur situation here

Ahewann: What?

Vrtra: THE SCIONS ARE HERE

Vrtra: ESTINIEN WYRMBLOOD IS H E R E

Vrtra: GET YOUR SHOES ON AHEWANN HOW DID WE MISS THIS

Ahewann, spilling curry down his front, bursting out of the throne room with laces untied: Hey Everybody Come Help Me Throttle The Spymaster

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I’m a firm believer that 141 + König needs a person who’s a little softer around the edges. Bigger belly, bigger thighs, couldn’t care less about having a big ass or larger chest, this man loves anything he can grab.

also, reader who is always so small and petite and can barely see herself because his hoodie is too big, no. Just no. Reader who fills out his hoodie perfectly. Reader who can wear his hoodie and it looks like it was made for them. It absolutely kills him. Like, how can his beautiful looking partner be able to waltz around the house like that?

these men are fuckin huge, so he can’t spend time worrying about breaking you in half. He needs to be able to fuck you, and really fuck you. He needs a big partner.

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Simon "Wot?" Riley

With these kind of side shots (esp. the 1st one) I like to focus on his eyes and nose, to imagine his face.

Bonus; Rudy found out

Imagine Ghost staring at him like this the rest of the way XD

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Ghost: lt must be hard not having a sense of humor

Y/n: I do have one, you know

Ghost: I've never heard you laugh before

Y/n: l've never heard you say anything funny

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Soap: If you're an adult man with natural blonde hair that's a sign from nature to show that there's something deeply evil going on with you like the brightly colored

frogs

*everyone turns to stare at Graves*

Graves: Ghost is blonde too!

Ghost, wearing his balaclava: Prove it

Graves: Your eyelashes!

Ghost, putting sunglasses on: What eyelashes?

Alex: Stop reaching so far, Graves, you’ll hurt your short body

Graves: Oh my god-

Gaz: He’s trying to see if he can stretch himself taller

Graves: OH MY GOD-

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Finished Vrtra!

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I know for A FACT the COD men are absolutely thick girl friendly. You CAN’T convince me these beefy men will ever turn down a pair of thick thighs. They one hundred percent enjoy a curvy grown woman.

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You really think she’s your girl. My brother in Christ she’s up in here every night twirling her hair and kicking her feet to the raunchiest “x reader” COD smut on the planet.