submerged-thoughts - Tumblr blog

[submerged-thoughts]

I’m losing this battle

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In the night, shadows dance

Beneath the moon's haunting trance

Whispers drift on the wind

As stars above gently spin

Loneliness seeps in like a tide

As the weight of the world coincides

My heart heavy with bittersweet pain

As I ponder on life's endless refrain

Echoes of love's fading flame

Haunt me with each breath the same

Memories flicker like a dying light

As I wander through the endless night

Yet hope still lingers in the air

A flicker of light, a glimmer of care

A reminder that love's not yet dead

And all's not lost, nor all's in the red

So I'll wait, and I'll dream

On the edge of the unknown scene

With each new day dawning anew

Hoping love will find me too

The night is dark, but hope still shines

As I journey on with heart and mind

Through the shadows, towards the light

In search of love's eternal flight.

[submerged-thoughts]

Rough day after rough day

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Work anxiety is off the charts. Been depressed and honestly having a hard time putting up a smile. Been suicidal since last week.

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Been working since January and well it’s definitely something I didn’t expect. Coworker friends make it great but my anxiety has spiked up tremendously. The calls and interviews between civilians and officers are absolutely anxiety inducing. Pretty sure my manager doesn’t like me and my mentor is being promoted. Kinda alone here. No one in my life inspires me in anyway so my only driving motivation is just pay day. Temporary happiness in a temporary job in a temporary world. Til we meet again.

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Being suicidal is fucking exhausting

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-Deathcore concert-saw some of my favorite bands and their amazing performances-i went into the moshpit -I crowd surfed -One of the musicians acknowledged men -ill be in suicide silences new music video -also bought some merch -and saved a girl from getting crushed

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The feeling of graduating is surreal. I'm at utter awe in what I have accomplished. Could've chosen to die at so many points yet I continued onwards. It's a miracle. Wishing for me to find everlasting fulfillment.

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College is nearly done and I am now embarking on my fitness journey. Things are shaping up to be great.

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Lot's of stuff to look forward to. Making summer plans, research, and job searching. Let's make this fun

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Graduating at the end of the month, and I can honestly say that I'm an accomplished person. Reflecting on my life thus far has me questioning a few things though. Particularly in my ability to maintain a relationship. Despite how smart I am, how talented, or even how caring I am, I feel like I've never had a person genuinely love me for the intention of loving me. I know I'm not a loser and I'm doing things unlike a lot of people but it's not enough I suppose to start a foundation. Maybe there's something I'm missing within myself. Or Maybe I'm a reflection of all your insecurities. That's for me to find out. Nevertheless I have to become the best me, just sucks I can't share this experience with someone. That's life though...

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Hehe

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Day 6-7

A well timed update on life...

Things are pretty decent. This month is graduation month and I am absolutely relishing the time I have available before Finals hit. Mental health is holding up well, and I’m not chasing pointless additions to my life. Self appreciation and acknowledgment has really been my driving force in carrying on with some of my relationship conflicts and mental woes. I have to finish strong and finish with some enthusiasm lol. 

Till tmm❤️

[submerged-thoughts]

Day 4-5

Life has presented me a blessing and this was self belief. Everything from my conference went perfect. My confidence was boosted and as a result I was able to present myself professionally and impressively. While I have no stable support system outside of my family, I am in good hands. This experience really helped me regain my self confidence and confirmed that I should aim for everything I want with full expectations and no compromise that makes me feel like shit. I deserve so much more than what I’m settling for.

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Day 3

Feeling a bit better today and well tomorrow is a big day. I’m hoping it goes well, and I can network efficiently. Let’s see how it goes. 

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Sleepless nights thinking of how things could be different. Each passing second I realize the world is not fit for me. I'm a slave to misfortune.