subteach1

[subteach1]

Kid: Hi, I'm Peppa!

Kid: Bacon gets tossed on the grill.

Kid: And this is my brother George!

Kid: Sausage gets tossed on the grill.

[subteach1]

I approve 👍

Since school will be starting soon (or at least for me), here are fun and original things to say when the teacher is taking attendance:

• I have HIV

• dude, I died three days ago, why the hell did nobody remove me from the list? [After people react to this] wait, you guys aren't supposed to see me!

• oh, my great great grandsister was named that

• wouldn't it be crazy if a tsunami hit us just now? (In an area without the ocean nearby)

• *starts speaking in a foreign language, preferably in an accent so shitty that noone can even identify the language*

• *look at your wrist as if checking a watch but your wrist is empty* guys, my pet crocodile just died

[subteach1]

Me: How's your work going?

Kid: Good.

Me: Where is it?

Kid: Over there.

Me: How can you work on it if it's over there?

Kid: Telepathy.

[subteach1]

Kids: *shoving hoodies up the backs of their shirts to make humps, then riding each other like camels*

[subteach1]

I was subbing at a high school and I saw a blind transmasc kid and an enby kid with arthritis having a play fight with their canes.

[subteach1]

Boy: *sighs dramatically*

Boy:

Boy: *sighs dramatically*

Boy:

Boy: Aren't you gonna ask me what's wrong?

Girl: No

Boy: *offended*

Boy: *sighs dramatically*

Girl: What's wrong, [boy's name]?

Boy: You just wouldn't understand.

[subteach1]

Kid: *is hardcore fortnite dancing while others cheer him on*

Another kid on the other side of the room: Yo, what is this class? What are y'all smoking back there?

[subteach1]

Kid: You wanna see what police brutality was like in the middle ages?

Kid: *with a British accent, swinging a toy mace* Stop resisting, I say! Oy, stop resisting!

[subteach1]

Girl: Keep yourself safe.

Boy wearing a tricorne: I will keep myself safe... with my TRUSTY BATTLE-AXE!!!

[subteach1]

Boy: Hey! *wearing a tricorne hat and rubbing his hands together menacingly* Y'all wanna mess with me?

[subteach1]

Girl 1: Did you just call him a cripple?

Girl 2: No, I said butthole!

[subteach1]

Kid 1: I used to stick wires to dead animals because I wanted a Frankenweenie.

Kid 2: I think you need some help.

Kid 1: Oh believe me I tried to get some but my dad said no.

[subteach1]

Girl 1: Can I go fill up my water bottle?

Me: Sure

Girl 2: Can I go with her?

Me: No

Girl 1: Oh... Then nevermind.

[subteach1]

Kid 1: My grades are trash.

Kid 2: Dude, you can't say your grades are trash. You have straight As.

Kid 1: No I don't. I have a B+.

[subteach1]

Kid: Why do you care if you're adopted? You have a hot... I mean, rich dad.

[subteach1]

Girl 1: There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Girl 2: All the fish in this sea are either white or Edgars.

[subteach1]

Kid: *Describes a bluefin tuna as a "gigachad" in his PowerPoint presentation, actually includes gigachad meme*