sugandikrishnan

[sugandikrishnan]

Fear!

What is my biggest fear people ask?

I put on a smile and say 'anything that crawls, flies or slithers'....

Someone cracks a joke about it and then we move on to the next question...

Nagging at the back of my mind were thoughts as deep and dark as the ocean at its centre...

I fear no one will hold me again.

I fear that I have forgotten how it feels to kiss and be kissed.

I fear no one will make me a cup of warm soup when I am sick again.

I fear nothing I have done in my life truly matters... Everything will go on as is.

I fear that I will be a sad old lady sitting in a cafe alone with bitter coffee and nothing else to hold onto.

I fear I will walk alone the rest of my life.

I fear I will die alone .

My fear is that I will die and no one will notice I am gone.

And my biggest fear is that I will stop living due to having so many fears.

So I wash the tears off my face, take a deep breath and pledge to never fear fear again and live life now, in the present and embrace every moment, every feeling because now, I am Alive!

[sugandikrishnan]

The love of my life

I searched for ages around me

At all times , day and night

Sometimes caught between dusk and twilight

And followed a hazy shadow

Who are you, I would call out

and hear this faint whisper

Too intimidated to follow and afraid of the unknown

The demons scared me,I retreated to the shadows

Sitting by my window at dusk one day,

I heard the faint whisper calling me again….

Scared and scarred I looked up to see

And saw a figure standing right in front of me

Who are you, I asked?

Walking slowly towards the image

And with shock I heard my voice clear and confident call back

I am you - the love of your life, it is time to shine and laugh

[sugandikrishnan]

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[sugandikrishnan]

“Ordinary people love only when their conditions are fulfilled. They say, ‘You should be like this, only then will I love.’ A mother says to the child, ‘I’ll love you only if you behave.’ A wife says to the husband, ‘You have to be this way, only then can I love you.’ Everybody creates conditions; love disappears. Love is an infinite sky! You cannot force it into narrow spaces, conditioned, limited. If you bring fresh air into your house and close it off from everywhere—all the windows closed, all the doors closed—soon it becomes stale. Whenever love happens it is a part of freedom; then soon you bring that fresh air into your house and everything goes stale; dirty.”

Osho, Courage (Page 66)

[sugandikrishnan]

“I want someone to remember I existed. I want someone to know I was here.”

— Fredrik Backman

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Lovely

[sugandikrishnan]

The daughter she could never be...

She thought her love was enough... But it was no equal to her vices She had tarnished her mom's clean sheet... And was the daughter she could never be.. She thought distance would heal the bitterness.... But all it did was increase the distance between hearts... Slowly the physical distance erased her from others' life... And once again she was reminded of the daughter she could never be... She was part of a family that loved her though she could not feel it... She became more unreliable for them, and they left her to it... Through her screaming heart, she tried to explain... But inside she knew, for them she was the daughter she could never be... Days bacame months and months rolled into years... Everyone maintained a cordial greeting, with hugs and kisses... No longer could she feel anything but could now hide her feelings... For she never wanted them to know she knew 'she was the daughter she could never be'....

[sugandikrishnan]

Where do we draw the line...

There will come a day.... When your dearest wish may come true... But till that time comes, Where do we draw the line... I want to hug you, kiss you, be with you now... A million times still isn't enough... I know someday my wish will be true.....But till then... Where do we draw the line... You have fears, so do I.... Everything beautiful now may later seem a lie... So I hold back and tell you it's fine...but... Tell me now where do we draw the line... Everything we hold back now will haunt me forever... I will probably never know if I was the reason ever... You say it's you but then it's us on the line... So please tell me now where do we draw the line.... There is no rhyme or reason, for my wanting more of us... But just the fear of tomorrow that I know may not exist... So, though I do understand why you need time.... Please tell me now where do we draw the line.... I am happy in this moment, and you say you are too... You think we still need time, you can have all of mine too.... But please forgive me for there may come a time.... When my heart will stop beating and draw us our line...

[sugandikrishnan]

Them and me...

They said I am crazy, Maybe I am.... The courage I had was dangerous.. They believed it to be crass... You will get nowhere they said.... With this attitude and flare... Maybe I won't, maybe I will I doubt they really cared... Their intentions were great.... But they would doubt mine... No matter what I did or who I was.... For them it would not be fine... I used to look in the mirror and see them.... My own self was blurred in the crowd behind.... That's when I realized I am one of them.... That's the minute I decided to be myself...Just mine...

[sugandikrishnan]

Valentine again...

People call it a cliche but I miss my valentine... That day of the year when everyone advises you to love everyone around you, but you miss that one person who would miss you.... I buy myself chocolates, and teddy bears and hug myself too... But somehow that empty feeling of someone's arms around me, I cannot undo.... I try a bucket of ice cream and cake and lastly try to love myself and commit to my glorious life... Not a minute after that I see flashes of how it will or can be when someone shares my life.... But yet again that emptiness surrounds me at night and I tell my heart...I will fix you tonight. And the next day I wake up knowing that someday it will be valentine again....