sugarwishes
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#i can鈥檛 live in society#every single thing upsets me#every single thing makes me feel like i鈥檓 not worthy#i鈥檓 just so tired. i wish i could just disappear#black and white thinking is ruining my life#rn i feel like no one wants me around anymore#i鈥檓 such a burden. i should just shut up
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me when our friendship has clearly faded
#i can鈥檛 stop thinking about it and i feel like crying#it happened just as i expected#turns out young me were always right#sooner or later i will always end up alone#i鈥檓 not even surprised i鈥檓 just very numb rn#really i know that we like.. grew up and shit but some silly part of me still thought we were going to stay close#i made a fool of myself. again.#i despise myself so much and i think i鈥檓 never letting go of this feeling#it shouldn鈥檛 hurt this much but it does#i can actually feel the void when we try to hold a conversation#and all i can think right now is that it isn鈥檛 fair#now there鈥檚 really no one.#there is no one#no one no onr no one no one no one no one no one
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it鈥檚 scary to see how my bpd affects my cognitive
#no but srsly#the spliting thing is what scares me the most#rn i have a friend who hasn鈥檛 replied me for three days#but they鈥檙e active on ig and tiktok and let me tell you#i am SO ready to never message them again#it actually gets even worse now that i鈥檓 aware of it#my rational thoughts are in constant battle with my bpd thoughts#like i know that if i never message them again i鈥檒l be sad and lonely#but i just feel so angry and ashamed and rn i just want to disappear#ugh splitting* i hate tumblr tags#like just what the fuck do you think you鈥檙e doing going out with ppl and posting on ig#but not replying to me. is there something wrong with me do you hate me do you wanna quit being friends#and it鈥檚 really confusing cause they鈥檙e always saying how much i mean to them and how they think i鈥檓 the only person who can understand them#things like this always trigger my fear of abandonment#no really i just want to disappear
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that phase of so-ocd where it鈥檚 so bad you end up settling for the aroace label
#i really can鈥檛 stay on tiktok anymore and it鈥檚 kinda sad#if i see one more str8/wlw/mlm couple on my fy i鈥檓 gonna throw up#really letting the voices win this time huh.. whatever#i just had a panic attack after seeing a str8 couple on ig#i鈥檓 actually laughing at the silliness of this subtype like. can鈥檛 believe it鈥檚 real#honestly atp i need to be sedated lmao#or i need to isolate myself from everything and everyone and pray for this nightmare to go away#happy saturday
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