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— all i did was bleed | g. satoru & g. suguru

part one: never going back again

2007

“You get it, don’t you, Sug?” The nickname rolled off Satoru’s tongue with such ease that it disgusted Suguru. Because he couldn’t get it, he didn’t understand. He was furious, he was heartbroken, and he felt as though he had been betrayed. But, he was still a good friend. And he remembered the promise they made to each other when they were in middle school. No girl will ever get between us. A promise was spoken by chosen brothers then. Black and white. Yin and Yang. Day and night. The tallest mountain and the lowest valley. And yet, they had chosen each other—more than friends, family– brothers. They were brothers. And no one would destroy that bond; no girl would come between what they had.

So, Suguru nodded, smiling at his brother. “Yeah, I get it. She’s a great girl.” He told him, tilting his head to blow the bangs from his face. The pesky bangs always fell from his tied-back hair and stuck to his forehead. So, even if Kaia had been his first, even though he had been working up the courage to ask her out for over a year, Satoru had been the one to seal the deal. So Suguru gave her up, anything to keep the peace between him and his brother. Even if that meant losing the best friend he had fallen in love with to Satoru. “So, uh- where are you taking her for this date?”

“I remember you telling me about that geek café she likes, with the computers and the games, that nerdy shit you like, too. So I booked the whole place for an hour. Gonna show her some of the best street art after and then take her to some of the best food vendors. Thanks for the idea, by the way.” Satoru laughed, sitting down on the arm of the chair, watching Suguru intently, the way his brows creased just slightly, corners of his lips twitching in a frown. “Hey, I don’t want to mess up your friendship with Kaia or anything, so you’d tell me if I was overstepping, right?” He asked him, reaching forward to grab a handful of candy from the dish on the coffee table, immediately shoving one of the chocolates into his mouth.

Suguru was supposed to be the one taking her to the gaming café, showing her his favorite street art, and taking her to the best food trucks. That had been his date idea, word for word. He should have never told Satoru. Ever. He should have never even let Satoru meet her.

“Yeah… yeah. I hope you guys have a nice time. You’ll have to tell me about it when you’re back, so call me.” He offered a smile, one that barely met his eyes. It was a poor attempt, but he knew Satoru wouldn’t see through it. He was too in his own head now about his latest conquest.

Satoru nodded, pushing up from the couch and clapping Suguru on the back as he smiled, mouth full of chocolates. “I’ll tell you what panties she wore later. They’d be coming home with me in my back pocket if I had it my way.”

Pig. But Suguru didn’t dare say it; he was a coward. He knew the type of guy Satoru was, and he still let him get close to his Kaia. “Watch it, Satoru. She’s still my best friend.” He warned, letting out a pained laugh to make a joke of his threat. He wouldn’t do anything. He was nothing compared to Satoru. “Bye, Satoru.”

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Now, Suguru was sat at his desk, phone on speaker as he listened to Satoru rant and rave about his third date with Kaia, talking about how hot she was and how funny, and Satoru was expressing regret for writing her off as some prudish nerd. Suguru only hummed every few seconds to act interested; instead, he focused on the pen in his hands and the marks it made against the paper. He didn’t know how he had let it get this far because now Satoru had planned their next date aloud, talking about some fancy restaurant Kaia might be into because it’s vegetarian.

“Are you even listening, Sug?” Satoru groaned through the phone. Suguru wasn’t sure how long he had been trying to get his attention or what for. “I think I might really like her… at first, I just thought she was hot, but-”

“She’s not just another notch to be made on your bedpost.” Suguru interrupted him, a bitter taste in his mouth. He loved his brother, but he also recognized that Satoru was a total playboy, going through girls like they were nothing but toys to be used and discarded. The lucky ones he’d let go once he got in their pants. The unlucky ones he strung along for weeks, even months, doing the bare minimum to keep them around. Suguru didn’t want either of those to be Kaia.

“No… I know. Suguru, I- I might actually want something with her. I know I’ve always said I’m not the committal type but… she’s really great, Sug. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard or had that much fun. Thanks for introducing us. I can’t wait to take her out again.” Satoru spoke, letting out a nervous laugh through a stretch of uncomfortable silence. “Everything okay, Sug?”

“Just peachy.” The black hair boy responded, trying to put on his most chipper voice. He was thankful Satoru couldn’t see him, because he’d instantly call him out for the lie. Suguru was never any good at hiding his emotions. He tried. God knew he tried. But he wore his heart on his sleeve. He wasn’t casual about everything like Satoru was… and things didn’t come easy to him like they did to his white-haired brother.

“You sure? Are you taking your meds?” Satoru pressed on. “Are they working?” He knew Suguru hated when he asked that or when Satoru asked about therapy and how it was going, just to ensure he was still attending. “You can talk to me about anything, Sugie.”

“Don’t call me that,” Suguru muttered, finally putting his pen down and directing his attention to Satoru, away from the drawing on his desk before him. “Am I not allowed to just- just to have a bad day? Does it have to be because I’m not taking my zombification drugs? Which I am, by the way. Every morning and every night.”

“You had a bad day?” Satoru hummed, almost as if he was amused. “I’m coming over.” He told him. Suguru could see the smirk Satoru wore if he closed his eyes. “Granny won’t mind. She’s gotta be asleep at this hour.”

“It’s two am. I think it’s safe to say my 71-year-old foster mother is asleep, Satoru.” Suguru sighed, closing his notebook and picking his phone off, taking it off of the speaker. “Is there anything I can say to convince you otherwise?” He asked, listening to Satoru let out a hm. “I’m... I’m fine, Satoru.”

“Well, I wanna see you anyway. Fine or not. Do you want to come over here? The house is empty. Too empty.” Satoru would never admit it, but that was the real reason he wanted to go over Suguru’s.

The boys truly were Yin and Yang in every sense. The crack of lightning and the boom of thunder. Oil and water. Fire and ice. Suguru had been raised in and out of foster care and group homes for most of his adolescence and bounced around from family to family. Sachiko, the older woman he had been placed with three years ago, had been his longest stop yet. But soon enough, he’d age out of the system and have nowhere to go. So he devoted most of his time to his studies, hoping to get a full ride to the college of his choosing and have another four years of housing before panicking.

On the other hand, Satoru was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His parents were the CEO and VP of some big international tech company. But no amount of money could make up for their absence. Nannies, drivers, and housekeepers had raised Satoru, and he could count on one hand the amount of hugs he’d received from either parent. Neither was ever home, maybe two or three days a month. Satoru never put much effort into anything, he never had to. Things came easy to him, not like they did Suguru.

But it didn’t matter. They found family and belonging and solace in each other. Every time Suguru ran from a foster or a group home, he’d end up at Satoru’s, only leaving when his parents demanded it. The Gojo’s looked down on him like he was nothing. Always telling Satoru what a bad influence Suguru was– when it was the opposite in reality.

“Why do you wanna come over here? There’s nothing to do. I can come over there, and we can smoke this joint.” Suguru countered, letting out a chuckle at the heavy sigh he heard Satoru let out. “Is that a yes? See, I must be okay if I’m willing to get off my ass and come to you.”

“Alright, fine. But don’t walk. I’ll call you a taxi. It’s too late. Too many weirdos out on the streets right now.” Satoru told him. He was constantly nagging like he was somebody’s mother. Suguru only laughed in response, but he wouldn’t put up a fight. He knew how the white-haired boy was. Satoru could be the most carefree, nonchalant, unserious person in the world. But he was clingy, too, paired with a hefty dose of crippling anxiety. “Don’t laugh, Sugie. You’re a pretty boy… and with all that hair, some perv could easily mistake you for a girl.”

“I’ll let you call me a taxi, but I draw the line at letting you call me a pretty boy. I’m getting off the phone. See you in an hour, Toto.” Suguru teased him back, the childish nickname causing warmth to bloom in his chest from the nostalgia.

“Don’t call me-” click.

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And an hour later, Suguru was barreling into the Gojo family estate, stopping to wave at each and every security camera as he passed by them. When he was younger he’d make cruel and vulgar gestures as if it were Satoru’s parents on the other side and not the family’s own security team. He let himself in, the perks of having his own key, calling out for his brother as he left his combat boots by the door. He froze in the foyer though at the unmistakable sound of female laughter- Kaia’s laughter. His Kaia. Is this why Satoru had invited him over here? To gloat about how well the date had gone? To rub it in Suguru’s face that he had gotten the girl and not him?

No. Satoru was many things, but he wasn’t cruel. Suguru knew that deep down, even if the pang in his chest never subsided… if the pain never dulled. Satoru was his best friend… his brother. He’d never do anything to intentionally hurt him. Suguru was just a coward, unable to speak up for himself. He contemplated pulling his boots back on and leaving, it’d be so easy, one foot after the other. He’d smoke the joint himself, the entire thing, allow himself to get so mind-numbingly high he wouldn’t remember a thing. But he didn’t. Against his better judgment, he followed the sound of Kaia’s laughter into the large family room.

The girl was sat in an armchair, legs draped over the side, laughing as Satoru shoved a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. Both straightened up though at the sight of Suguru. Kaia excitedly stood to greet him, forcing herself into the dark-haired boy’s arms for a hug. “Suguru! I didn’t see you all break… I was beginning to think you’d fallen off the edge of the earth or something. I’m so glad ‘Toru picked me up! We haven’t hung out together in so long. I missed you!”

Suguru couldn’t stop his brows from knitting together at the nickname. Toru? Toru had picked her up. This might have been the worst thing to ever happen to him. They had been his friends first… and just like that he had been pushed out. He hugged her back though, burying his face in her soft honey blonde curls. “Hey, Kaia… missed you too.” He pulled away after a moment, looking down at her. She only smiled in response, her big brown eyes meeting his. He quickly looked away, clearing his throat as he sunk down into the plush couch. “So are we lighting this shit or what?”

He rolled the joint between his forefinger and thumb, laughing as Satoru raced over to the couch next to him. His laugh got caught in his throat though when Satoru pulled Kaia down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around the girl’s waist, nuzzling into her neck. It made Suguru physically sick, the sight of the two of them. It wasn’t right. None of it was right. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He tried not to pay the two of them any mind, instead placing the joint between his lips and lighting it, taking a long drag to start it. He puffed on it a few times before he passed it to Satoru, knowing if he hogged the joint any longer he’d be accused of being greedy. And he couldn’t bear the sight as Satoru placed the joint between Kaia’s lips, encouraging her to take a hit. He searched for anything else in the room to fixate his sights on… the exquisite grand piano he wasn’t sure anyone in the Gojo family knew how to play… one of the fancy hand-painted family portraits hanging off of the walls… the overpriced artwork he was sure Satoru’s parents had paid hundreds of thousands or even millions for.

Satoru had everything. Everything. And he couldn’t let Suguru have this one thing. And Suguru knew as soon as he watched Kaia turn to place her lips on Satoru’s and Satoru kissed her back, that things would never be the same between the two of them.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #satosugu #stsg #gojo satoru #geto suguru #au #stsgxoc #satosugu x oc

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